The Love That Teaches, The Love That Breaks, The Love That Stays.

We trace the arc from fantasy to friction to the steady love that heals, sharing how boundaries, accountability, and honesty transform relationships. Along the way, we laugh about birthdays, Pisces traits, and the reality of choosing peace over chaos.

• the three loves framework and why order can shift
• immature love versus reciprocal love
• boundaries, accountability, and repair after conflict
• discerning image versus integrity in partners
• feminine energy, safety, and softness
• breaking soul ties and detoxing from toxic love
• practical steps to prepare for the peaceful third love

All I want for my birthday is a it’s your birthday

This episode is in affiliation with Bog Bag. It’s durable, waterproof, modular, and fully customizable. You’ll find the link in the show notes and the comments

Transcript

Setting The Tone On Love And Maturity

SPEAKER_02 0:00

A lot of immature women, they want everything. They want it all, but not willing to give a thing. They want this image, but they don't know. The women who get it all, we got it all because we giving it all. Like, I'm taking care of your kids. They love, they clothes, they face clean. Like, I don't cook every day. Me and my husband got a trade-off because he can cook.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

But to the men, the men, the real men is out there. The ones confident. Yeah, the ones that don't stay too. Yeah, baby, they sit back and dude. And when they open the mouth, it's like say it again. Or you be like, shut up. You get on my nerves. You're always saying the right thing at the right time. 30. Love number two, the one that is good for you, but it ain't. Bad one. So don't sit up here like, what are they talking about? You know exactly what you're talking about. If you if you don't, I feel bad for you. I'm happy for you when you find it, but then I feel bad for you too, because it takes a minute to get up off of it.

Show Opener And Vibes

SPEAKER_02 1:02

Woman in Black is where we put down the cape and pick up the mic, being authentically who we are, where we are, unmasked, unfiltered, and unapologetic. So she's drinking her situation sip. Oh, yeah, that's a new one. I don't know what that one is. It's Coke Love. Coke Love.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

I just need to answer. Coke Love. Coke Love. Coke Love, you don't made a board.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

What is Coke Love? I'm on the corner. Alright.

Birthday Energy And Pisces Talk

SPEAKER_02 1:44

Before we get into the topic, it is my birthday, mom.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

All I want for my birthday is a it's your birthday. It's your birthday.

SPEAKER_02 2:04

Alright, so let's talk about these Pisces women real quick before we jump into it. Cause I'm a Pisces. We are ultra feminine. I'm trying to find some um some information, like just like astrology around it. Okay, so personality traits, strengths, we're compassionate, we're artistic, we're intuitive, we're gentle, we're wise, we're musical. Our weakness is overly trusting, sad, we desire sad. I'm not scared. Where did you found that?

SPEAKER_01 2:45

Where did you find that?

SPEAKER_02 2:47

Hold up. I'm scared. Oh yeah. Can be a victim or a martyr. That martyr part, Lord Jesus. It ain't never left.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

Maybe you should stop.

SPEAKER_02 2:58

Maybe I should on that part. Because I'm a child of God. So you know, God shows up for me, dear. I'm so bad.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

Maybe you should stop. Because what are we doing? I thought we were about to read something all warm and fuzzy.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

Oh, yeah. Okay, so it's a Pisces like being alone. They like love. They like sleeping. They like music, romance, spirituality. I don't know about this one, y'all. Because as I keep reading, I'm like, I don't know who wrote this one. We need one more. But they were on point with some of the stuff. Some of the stuff is like, eh, maybe because I'm a child of God. I don't know. They have immense empathy. They can be sensitive. They are prone to escapism and struggle with self-care. Needing a partner who offers stability while respecting her imaginative. Balancing her strong emotional depth with her need for realistic grounding. Yeah, that's me. And my husband is the complete opposite. The complete opposite. Some people would consider him emotionally unavailable. It's okay. He's really not, though. No, he's not. He's he communic he knows how to communicate his emotions. He's definitely like man.

Feminine Energy And Relationship Dynamics

SPEAKER_01 4:20

Yeah, I was just thinking that in my head.

SPEAKER_02 4:22

Like if men had a person, it would be yeah, it's dumb.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

So I could put him and uh some other people in that category together. Cause they mean they men. They're the men. They just the men's.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

Whatever you think of, when it goes the men, there you go. Yeah. So there you go. Yeah. Yeah. And so, well, if Pisces are feminine, yeah. It's hard. It's a hard. Because I also, I'm very feminine. I could be gentle. I uh I'm a woman. I'm a lady, you know, but I have things about me that irritate the heck out of my hood. You know what I'm saying? But I do have a switch. So I get real soft real quick. And like we were saying before, mint listen, the right man will bring the you will exude softness and gentleness. You be like, touch me again. So listen, the mint, the men who be talking it on on social media, they'll be know what they talk about. They'll be know what they talk about. They just been hurt. They don't know how to, they don't know how to love and treat a woman because they probably always listen.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

I'm they they it ain't even about women. Y'all dealing with something else. Yeah. I ain't gonna tell y'all what y'all dealing with. Don't tell them.

SPEAKER_02 5:44

Because I'm scared you're gonna say something wild.

SPEAKER_01 5:47

But y'all dealing with them. But to the men's, the men's, the real men's out there. Listen. Them ones with them big hands.

SPEAKER_02 5:58

Yeah. The ones confident.

SPEAKER_01 6:01

Yeah. Yeah, not cocky. Not cocky, very confident. Them ones that don't say too much. Yeah. Sit back and sit back and just curb.

SPEAKER_02 6:10

Like they just, and when they open their mouth, you'd be like, say it again.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

Or you'd be like, shut up. Because you're getting on my nerves. You always saying the right thing at the right time.

SPEAKER_02 6:25

Just kidding. Who told you I wanted to melt right now?

SPEAKER_01 6:28

Right. I still wanted to be mad. Who told you to start talking?

SPEAKER_02 6:32

Like, why my husband, yo, he be making me laugh when I don't want to.

SPEAKER_01 6:38

But that nothing irritates me more than that. When I'm trying to be so serious and you say something that makes me laugh, yo, I be like, I can't even be mad.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

Like, can't be mad. I want to be mad at you right now. Stop. Don't even look at me. He I was crying, because you know I'm menstrual. I don't even know what triggered it really. And I was like, cuz. And he was like, he tried so hard not to laugh. I was so serious, and then it was all over. With a matter of two minutes, he done messed it all up. He's like, I can't take you serious. Looking like that and crying like that.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

So ugly cry. Ugly cry.

SPEAKER_02 7:18

I was like, cuz. He was like, he was so confused.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Childish.

SPEAKER_02 7:24

He just confused. He was trying so hard. Oh god. All right, y'all. Human moments.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

What were you about to say? How are you? Oh, we didn't get it that far? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

Oh, maybe I just um okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

Yeah, you went right into your birthday.

SPEAKER_02 7:43

Excited.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

22 at number two. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:48

So how are ya? I'm excited. I'm I'm getting up there. I'm getting up there, but that's okay, cuz I am tired. God bless me. What is that? Black don't crack. No, well, there you yes. Because people begin my age all wrong, but I'm okay with it. Yeah, when people be like, they have four boys.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

How old are you? Don't worry about that, sweetheart. Don't worry about that.

SPEAKER_02 8:22

Yeah, because they sure be like, You got four kids? And

The Three Loves Framework

SPEAKER_02 8:25

I do. You got one in Kylie? Like they just like, yes, I do. But yeah, so I'm excited about this next chapter I'm walking in. I'm pretty sure I'm perimenopausal, by the way. That's a whole nother situation. We gotta do a whole episode on that. Yeah. March. Let's jump in our topic.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

Wait, did you say how you were? No, I didn't.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

I'm sorry. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

She just forgot all about me, guys.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

Birthday.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

I am loved. Valentine's Day is coming up. I'm one that's real big, I love myself, kick. And I just want everything that's for me. And I want everything aligned. Everything has to be aligned and it has to be for me. And sometimes God just does stuff and it just comes out of nowhere. And I just need it all to be for me. Because God, if it ain't, but I just love I just love my I'm just in a season of love. Um just love, guys. Just I love this for you. Yeah, just love. Like, and it listen, it's not this love didn't come from a man. Right. This love came is from God. Like I'm secure with who I am. Is everything perfect? Absolutely not, but I'm okay in the skin I'm in. Because you work to get there. Yeah, yes, but it worked. I think I was in survival. I've been in survival mode for so long that when good things start happening or I start shedding off layers of survival mode, I don't really know how to take it sometimes. I know. And I still have our conversations. What's wrong with me? Something's wrong with me. I never felt like this before. But yeah, so um, yeah, so that's where I'm at. You just gotta embrace it, what you're doing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:18

Obviously.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Yeah, so that's what I'm doing. So let's jump right in. Valentine's Day is coming. Uh, you know, I keep talking about love. What is love? Like, how did you know you were in love? I saw something on social media. That's my favorite. Give me a t-shirt that's in. I saw something on social media that you get three.

SPEAKER_02 10:43

We should create those. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 10:44

Yeah, you get three loves in your life. Let me look it up. Oh, yeah. No, that's what I'm saying. You saw what I'm seeing.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

I didn't see that on social media, but um, years ago, uh, that conversation I had that conversation with a few people. Okay, you want me to read it?

SPEAKER_01 11:00

Yeah, you can read exactly how they put it. Okay. The first love, that's the fairy tale love. This one feels like feels magical and innocent. Usually happens when you're younger, lots of butterflies, big feelings, big dreams. You ignore red flags because love can't conquers all. This love teaches you how to love, even if it doesn't last. The second one, the second love is the hard love. This one changes you. Intense, emotional, sometimes toxic, on and off again. Energy teaches boundaries, self-worth, and painful lessons. This loves, this love shows you what you won't accept again. Ouch. The third one, this one though, right here. This one sneaks up on you, feels calm, safe, and easy. No games, no chaos. You can be fully yourself. This love teaches you peace. It often doesn't look how you imagined love would be, but it feels right. The twist of it though, you don't always experience and experience them in a one, two, three order. So what order? Sometimes the same oh, and sometimes the same person person can represent more than one. Well, I think that'll help a lot of people.

SPEAKER_02 12:22

Sometimes the same person could give you more than one of those.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

Yeah, so yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:28

Depending on the season y'all in.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

You're right. Um, yeah, because your first love could have been your second love, too. Mm-hmm. Y'all went from magical to toxic. To toxic. Yeah. Wow, that should free some people. I don't know if I'm at my third one yet. Maybe. I'm not sure. I don't know yet. Maybe that's the season you're entering. Maybe that's the season I'm entering.

SPEAKER_02 12:51

Hey, it's Des here. Before we continue, if you're a woman who does it all, sports mom, dance mom, beach girl, healthcare worker, someone whose life doesn't fit into one lane, you need a bag that can be bugged. This episode is in affiliation with Bog Bag. It's durable, waterproof, modular, and fully customizable. Whether you're headed to the stadium, the beach, or straight into a long day, it holds your lifestyle together without you having to think about it. You'll find the link in the show notes and the comments. Now let's get back to the conversation.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

That one sneaks up on you.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

Yes, it does.

SPEAKER_01 13:32

Feels calm, safe, and easy.

SPEAKER_02 13:34

I'm at my third one. But my third.

SPEAKER_01 13:37

Yeah, you better be.

SPEAKER_02 13:42

We we still had uh we still had a mountain to climb though. Absolutely, because nothing's perfect. Like, yeah, but we knew right away. But we had a mountain to climb because we had some unhealed trauma, both of us. On separate ends? Yeah, and we didn't know until we was we tried, we

Sponsor Break: Bogg Bag

SPEAKER_02 14:03

we realized we loved each other and we tried trying, and we like, hold up now. Like, how can this emotion and all this stuff be so strong and God speaking to you so clearly? But like the alignment was like rubbing against it was some friction in certain areas, and we had a lot of growth that we needed to do individually and together.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

Okay, so let me ask this question. Because you were at the third love. Um, was it like the friction? Was it disrespect?

SPEAKER_02 14:34

Well, it depends on what you you deem as disrespect. Um, because he felt like that at a time, at a point in time, and you know his boundaries are very strong,

Third Love With Boundaries And Healing

SPEAKER_02 14:45

and so I thought we wasn't ever gonna be together. He has like some true boundaries. That's like, like he got them type of boundaries, and you like, nah, like we we we about to figure this out. But um, I feel like some of them were. Some of them were. Um, that's how I feel looking back at it. In the moment, I don't think either of us knew how to take what was happening. Because when you look back at it, you're like, ah, if you were somebody else, I would not have stayed with you. Right. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

That's how I guess it would be the level of disrespect, right? Because people go through things. Yeah. But that's how you knew you loved that person. I think that's more willing to stay than go.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

Because I think a lot of people try to pick apart a person. And they they like, okay, if this person did this or said this or um allowed for this to happen, whatever the situation is. Um, and sometimes just overcrossing boundaries, like maybe they didn't have a good relationship with your dad, or maybe they didn't have a good relationship with your mom, or like it's sometimes it's not even what people think. So, but it people feel like when they communicate that issue, they may say something like act like I'm talking to you. I can't stand here. But when I'm communicating that, I'm talking about one part of the person that is illuminated in my mind right now. But when you think of love, um I love more than that one part of the person. And so for me, if he was a different person, that one part would got him thrown out.

SPEAKER_01 16:32

But because he's him, because he's him, right?

SPEAKER_02 16:36

That one part had me in that moment of my maturity say, he's so much more than that. How can we work through this?

SPEAKER_01 16:44

Gotcha. Wow, okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:48

Because if he was anybody else, there would be no working through it because it's not enough. It's that 80-20, right? So it's this 20% that pissed me off or something. And then my husband's accountable, he has accountability. He takes accountability. It's easier to move on when somebody takes accountability and they change their behavior. Right. When somebody doesn't take accountability and doesn't change their behavior, there's no growth, there's no us, there's no responsibility, there's no care, there's no love, there's no trust. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that's important um when it comes to love, but love isn't always a perfect image. Right. I think a lot of people they want this perfection. They want they have this expectation that they can't even meet us.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

That's so true. Yeah, because sometimes we expect a love that we can't give back to the person, but we want them to give it to us.

SPEAKER_02 17:51

Yeah, and that is manipulation. That is. That's what that is. That really is. And so I was having a a conversation

Expectations, Accountability, And Alignment

SPEAKER_02 18:00

about that last night, actually, where the individual has a expectation has an expectation. I'm not saying shrink your expectation. I'm saying if you can't meet that expectation, don't expect someone else to, which often means, yeah, your expectation probably is too high. Yeah, bring it down. Yeah. Um, so when when you're looking, I believe, when you're looking for a partner, if your expectation, for instance, is he was showering me with everything when we first met. Like showering me, bringing me on dates here, bring me on this there. I just want it to continue, right? If something happens where he can't do that and you're still expecting that, that's delusional. If he's not in a position where he can't, whether financially, emotionally, or anything, do that, and you're still expecting that, that's delusion.

SPEAKER_01 19:01

So I'm gonna agree, but I'm gonna disagree too. Because listen, he did that on his own. Nobody told you to start showing, nobody told you to introduce me into something that you could not maintain. That's different, that's different.

SPEAKER_02 19:18

It's not that he doesn't want to if he can't, it's a delusion because you expecting him to walk on two legs and he only got one right now.

SPEAKER_01 19:27

Yeah, but don't introduce me to something that you can't maintain. Let me tell you. I say that. You say that I mean you mean it too, you mean to feet, but relationships don't work that way. I know they don't, but so don't what mine is don't pretend to my thing is this is how my perception goes. Do not pretend to be somebody that you are not. That's somebody who's pretending, exactly. So don't introduce me to somebody that you're not, and then get comfortable, and then I start seeing a whole nother person because when I come into it, who I am right now is what you're gonna get. So that's so we're talking about two different things, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:08

That's completely different, but people get them confused, and that's why we need clarity on it because people expect that, but if you lose your job, you can't do that, right? That's different, yeah. But in the situation I'm talking about, women still expect a level of attentiveness, and that man is out there looking for a job, or they expecting financially financial security, and he lost that. And they and they start complaining, that's not love. No, you loved what he provided you, you love the uh the image of what he stood for.

SPEAKER_01 20:50

You didn't love him, yeah. Because now, if my man is down, that means I gotta, I'm about to go help lift him up, right? To bring him back up because the material things don't mean anything, right? Yeah, that woman is delusional.

SPEAKER_02 21:05

That woman was a great pretender, and and I think you know that part gets um left out of the conversation a lot because when women explain to us, whether social media or whatever, what they going through and they be like, he fake, he fake, because he did this, he fake, and he he showed me that he was flying me out, he was doing girl, shut up and sit down. You know what he's capable of. You hold him to what he's capable of, but you don't in that moment he can't do it. Like, and that's where people get it confused. If you plan on marrying somebody for better or for worse, you better understand it's gonna be ups and it's gonna be downs. That does not change his heart, that does not change his intent, that does not change his capabilities. But you're gonna have to work with him. Yeah, so that's different.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

Yeah, it's different. But don't come to me like you own two Benzes and then or Our fifth date, we gotta take an Uber. Because why did you lie? Because I would have gladly, I would have gladly gotten that Uber with you on the first one. Just be honest, just be honest with me.

SPEAKER_02 22:13

Like, yeah, that's another conversation, though, because they do that. And so then the discernment, right? That's what that discernment is. And sometimes that do take a little bit of time. But I I do believe a lot of women confuse the both of them, and sometimes they miss their blessing. I'm guilty of confusing the two. I don't know. No, I'm not. You probably didn't love the person. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, it's just life. It's life. You gotta ask the right questions, you gotta be observant. Yeah, no, I think you just got comfortable. Some people get comfortable, but here's the thing: what I said before accountability and responsibility. When you bring something up to them and they're expressing whether they're capable or not, and y'all having that conversation, if you bring it up to him, if it's just dinners and stuff like that, like I really want you to date me again. If you it's how you say it too. If he's down, he's questioning whether or not, question whether or not you could go through that fire with him. Like, he don't want you to see him down. Don't no man want nobody, no woman to see him down. You know what I'm saying? And so it's like, oh wow, she still showed up. Like, she she at my door and she's like, Okay, well, I'm gonna cook for you. Okay, well, I'm gonna do that. Well, a lot of women don't do that.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

I know, that's so strange.

SPEAKER_02 23:32

They don't do stuff like that, they don't do stuff like that when men are down because they expecting all of that all the time for themselves. But who raised them? I don't know who raised them. They ain't see a healthy marriage, they didn't see two people working together for a common cause, or they just didn't get to experience it, period. And or haven't sought that out because I'm not saying that you had to be raised in that to want it. It's just it's just being able to say, I want something different. I don't care if you gotta watch the Cosby show. It's a show you gotta give yourself a vision of what you want your relationship to be

Immature Love Versus Reciprocal Love

SPEAKER_02 24:10

and work toward it. But yeah, a lot of women that I a lot of immature women they want everything. Immature and not will, yeah, immature women. A lot of immature women, they want it all, but not willing to give a thing. And they want it all quick, they want this image, but they don't know the women who get it all, the women who get it all, we got it all because we giving it all. Okay, like point point blank period. Like, I'm taking care of your kids. They love their clothes, they face clean. Like, I don't cook every day. I listen, me and my husband got trade-off because he can cook. I like his food. Come on, husband, but listen, what you want? You want me to toot this up a little bit tonight? You got it? Like, you got it, you got it. Let me touch your chest.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

Come into her bedroom, honey. What she got gonna make you want to spend money, okay?

SPEAKER_02 25:05

Right. It's like now my man gonna feel like a man, right? Like, it ain't all about me, because this love, we try to make this love last. What you need, babe? You want me to rub your back? You want me to scratch your back, but you little tickle scratch? I'm sorry, I did the most, girl. What is we even talking? What we talking about?

SPEAKER_01 25:21

In the one, two, threes. Oh, the one, two, three, but you're still good. You still good.

SPEAKER_02 25:26

All right, obviously, I'm in love.

SPEAKER_01 25:28

Yeah, you at your but you're at your three. I'm at my three. Now we ain't gonna talk about them twos and ones. I was um we ain't gonna talk about the twos and once. I was at the two. The two is hard. The two is hard to shake. I was at the two. Okay, the two, I was at the two. You don't have to talk about the two because you're married. I'm married, I'm not married, yeah. I can talk about that two. You can talk about the two. Talk about the two. That two, because my one, it was delusion. You just blink, like, get out. It was pure delusion, it was delusion. Oh my gosh. One, my number one was delusion. My number two brought me into a softer, more vulnerable era to the point, and I told y'all this before in the very beginning, to the point where I walk across the street blindfolded. No, as long as he's right there, I'll be fine. Knowing that ain't nothing gonna happen to me. But toxic. Yeah, very toxic because we did are great person. Yeah, my number two is great person, phenomenal man. My man, a hundred grand. If I needed him, I could I could still to this day reach out to him, but I'm not. You know what I mean? Like all things have to come to an end and it's ended. If I needed them, I could stand up, stand up, man. But we were not aligned in the correct areas. Right. So when you try to you ever try to um a circle through a ball through a circle or something like that, or something. I used to just be trying to just keep getting that screwdriver through, keep getting it through, keep getting it through because the love was there, you know, the peace was there. But now that I now that I'm out of it, was it really peaceful? It was peaceful in the moment, right? But it was not peaceful, right? Womanizing is not peaceful. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, it's all fine and dandy, four days out the week, but them other three, my mind is exploding over here. Because what are you doing, sir? Where are you at? Where are you at? Where are you? You texting me, but where are you at? Like, you know what I mean? Like, where are you at? So my number two, I've experienced number two, and I experienced number two for a long time. I am currently out of that phase, so I am looking forward to experiencing my number three, right? But them number twos, them the ones where we was telling y'all, did you delete his number? Number two's gotta be deleted. Number two's gotta be deleted. Number two's gotta be deleted to the pinhouse. Number twos, get them up out of there. They got to go, they got the hold on you, them the soul ties. Number two is definitely a soul tie. Number two is a soul tie, that's a soul tie, and it's toxic in the wrong soul tie. But that also goes

Deep Dive Into Love Two: The Soul Tie

SPEAKER_01 28:25

back to us saying how sometimes chaos and toxicity feels comfortable for people. No, I'm out of there. I need number three, right? So you can be soft, yeah. Like, I want to be on cloud 18.

SPEAKER_02 28:42

So, how people get out their number twos? That's the question. God, yeah, and you gotta wake up. You gotta wake up all the way up. Yeah, number two be feeling good though, sometimes. Because most number twos, we're looking for love and we got a lot, a lot more love than we got. We understand love a little bit. We are experiencing love, but we're not compatible. Yes, and so it's like, dang, I want this love, but it's not coming from the right person. It's like the compatibility is not working, the misalignment. And so it's like you you're experiencing what love is, but not fully, not correctly. But that number three is giving you just how you need it. And not to say that you won't have hiccups, but it's that times ten. And it's just like, oh wow. I didn't know it could get like this. Right, right. I didn't know we could have sex and I was gonna cry because your heart is touching mine. I didn't know I was gonna feel like I was in heaven. They throw you up like a devil. Um What's wrong with Don't say this? I miss my husband, apparently. Oh, okay. I want a hug. I want more. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 30:04

Well, yeah, so let us know.

SPEAKER_02 30:07

We're gonna go to the laundry room.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

Where are you guys at? Are you at your one? Are you at your two? Are you at your three? I pray to God that in our 30s, in our mid-30s, that no one is still at their one.

SPEAKER_02 30:24

I had a friend who didn't start dating until like mid-20s. And till this day, still not have didn't have a boyfriend. No, beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

You know how you know how common that is though, for people to not have boyfriend have real relationships, but have more situationships? Yeah, just fling. That's common. That's very common. They might skip number one. Yeah, they might have skipped number one.

SPEAKER_02 30:51

I feel like everything's been number two, but like partial.

SPEAKER_01 30:54

Yeah, number, because number two, it gets real up in number two. Yeah, like number two is real.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

Some people just had infatuations, that was their number one, like they felt like they was in love with the person, but it wasn't mutual.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

So that was me for number one. It was um fake, it wasn't real. I jumped off the number one for so long. I know because I jumped, because I put it in my own head. I jumped off the porch, got pregnant. All I knew was growing up, mom and dad. If this is who I'm having my first kid with, that's who I'm supposed to love. Right. That's where I was at. So it wasn't like my number one was just dumb. I love my kids, but my number one was dumb. Y'all can now y'all can call me a dummy.

SPEAKER_02 31:43

Let me preface this more to people. All her kids are by her number one, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:48

Yes, yes. So I was I was not in delusion, but I always said like It was hopeful. I was because I cared more about a family than I cared about being loved correctly and knowing what real love was. Right. Like that's what I cared about. Right. And then I met number two and I had realized I didn't even love you, sir. Number one. I was never because if this would love felt like, what was that? Because I don't know what that was, because number two had me just whoop-dee-doo.

SPEAKER_02 32:25

Number two, like a drug.

SPEAKER_01 32:27

Number two is a drug, perk 30. I don't even know what a perk 30 is, but it is. That's what number two is, a perk 30. And that's why I had to go my separate way from number two. Perk 30. Crack it up. Yeah. Okay. So now I'm going into my number. So I'm not gonna say I'm going into my number three. I'm not going into my number three right now. Yeah, you can't. I'm in the season preparing for number three. So, yeah. I am crack it up. Y'all better delete them perk 30s.

SPEAKER_02 33:06

Let them go. Let them go. Make room for the number three, make room for the hubby. Yeah, you gotta make room for that number three. Yeah, and don't let don't let that perk 30 mess up your number three. Yeah, don't do it, guys. That's

Detoxing From Toxic Love

SPEAKER_02 33:20

why you gotta start, you gotta start pushing them aside. Just stop talking to them. Talk to somebody who you care about. Yes. Give one of them. Give one of them.

unknown 33:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 33:34

I ain't no good. I can't.

SPEAKER_01 33:36

She ain't no good.

SPEAKER_02 33:37

Get with God.

SPEAKER_01 33:38

There you go. Let Jesus. Every time Perk 30 calls you, go eat. That's not good. Go to the every single time perk 30 text you, call you, send you something on Instagram. Block them. There you go. Block them. And I'm the queen of blocking. And people always say, because Josh gonna block you. Yeah. Perk 30. Delete them, block them, get them out of here. Move. Move away. Move out of town. Yeah. That's what you gotta do. Move out of town and get away from perks. Perk 30 might find you out of town. We'll go out to eat. You'd be like, did that's my favorite place, too. You might be in shot right one day, and perk 30 might call you and be like, because I know you in shot right. How do you know I'm in shop right at your toxic self? And I'm in all 12. You're gonna buy these groceries. Okay. Thank you, Perk. Listen, and if y'all sitting up here like, oh, look at that. All of us have acquired that perk 30. Love number two, the one that was so great, still is good for you, but it ain't that one. So don't sit up here like, what are they talking about? You know exactly what we're talking about. And if you if you don't, I feel bad for y'all because I'm happy for you when you find it, but then I feel bad for you too, because it takes a minute to get up off of it. Detox, rehab, go somewhere. Yeah, you gotta work through that one. Might be an oxy.

SPEAKER_02 35:10

Listen.

SPEAKER_01 35:11

Anyway, that's what I'm leaving y'all with. Delete, block, throw perk 30 down the sink. That second love, get them out of here. If that's where you are. If you're over that first love and you're about to go into that second one and you need some advice, ask chat. Don't ask me because it took me too long.

SPEAKER_02 35:33

Yeah, some of them first ones be the perk 30s, too, so.

SPEAKER_01 35:37

No, no, no. It took me too long to get my that first one was uh Long Island iced tea. You know, the first drink you ever drink, and you just keep drinking it because you don't know what else to get at a bar.

SPEAKER_02 35:52

I feel you. I feel that my my my my first love was my perk dirty, and then it ended, obviously, and guy had to he had to work on me. And I think my husband is the person that people told me didn't exist. Hmm. He was that, and but I would have never gotten to that. Only because perk 30 used to tell me that you want somebody who loves God, and that's a little hood, and that's gonna like put you in your place. And yes, yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. I want all of that. Yes, I want him to be able to straighten me out in all the ways. Like, I need all of that, yes, and go to church with me on Sunday, yeah, and pray for me.

SPEAKER_01 36:43

So her your number two, your number one was your number two.

SPEAKER_02 36:47

My first love also ended up being my perk 30, being your number, and that's what it said. It could be they could, you know, yeah, guys, but it was because it was different seasons, though.

SPEAKER_01 36:58

Different seasons, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:59

Like, and it wasn't even it was like an on and off situation for 15 years.

SPEAKER_01 37:04

And on in between, I had kids, and and see, and see how them toxic perk 30s be? They don't care, they don't care. One time I said to my perk 30, I said, What you gonna do when I get married? He said, What you gonna do when you get married? Perk, let them go, guys. Let them go. You know they ain't no good for you.

SPEAKER_02 37:29

They lifestyle ain't what you want it to be.

SPEAKER_01 37:32

They like, come on, let them as fun and and safe as it can feel, it's not peaceful.

SPEAKER_02 37:41

It's not no.

SPEAKER_01 37:42

No, let that perk 30 go. Let us know what what would you label your number two? Because my number two was a perk 30. And I'm just riding with what she said. What was your number one? My number one was not even a long island. My number one was an incredible hawk. Y'all remember them drinks when you used to mix um hypnotic? Hypnotic and what was the

Naming Your One, Two, And Three

SPEAKER_01 38:10

other one?

SPEAKER_02 38:10

I don't remember.

SPEAKER_01 38:11

To make it turn green.

SPEAKER_02 38:12

Yeah, I don't remember. We listen, back in the day, we used to be sneaking and nasty. So and it was real nasty, right? It was real no.

SPEAKER_01 38:22

Yes, yes. So my my number one was a uh hypnotic, nasty drink. Then I got hooked on, so the hypnotica is I'm underage. So think about it this way my number one, you underage, you can't go to the bar, so you just gotta drink what they give you, right? This is what just keeps coming to you, so you gotta drink it. But that perk, that number two, that perk 30, this is when you get to take the cap off, put it in your hand, and keep just keep downing them. Because that's what I was doing with my number two. Just keep on downing them. She was like, I ain't never experienced this before. What? And my friends was hyping me up like, yeah, because he didn't introduce you and this uh that you ain't never felt for, and we seeing a whole nother side of you and yes, y'all are. That's funny. What? That part 30 anyway, but now I'm in my three, and my three is gonna be more like going to like the Lewis Vitamin store, just walk in, they just give you the drink. Here, you want a drink? That's what my three is gonna feel like. Will it always feel like that every day? No, but can I always remember the feeling and remember what we are capable of going back to? Absolutely, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:40

Cause that's where I am right now.

SPEAKER_01 39:41

Because there's a possibility that I'll go upstairs and he's gonna be like stupid, and I'll be like, Yeah, I thought I heard him walking down the steps for a minute there. He might have, because he's extra. Extra, extra readable. But yeah, let us know what what you would label your one, two, and threes. Okay, guys, let us know. Sorry, we ain't sorry. I was about to say sorry. Shut up.

SPEAKER_02 40:08

Listen, we grew up in some questionable

Closing Reflections And Listener Prompt

SPEAKER_02 40:10

areas. We we don't use them, but we know about them.

SPEAKER_01 40:14

Yeah, we know about them. Shoot.

SPEAKER_02 40:17

All right.

SPEAKER_01 40:18

See ya, bye.