We Don’t Peak; We Evolve Through Different Seasons Of Life

We question the myth of “arriving” and argue for seasons of growth, faith-led goals, and clear boundaries that protect ambition without burning out. We share personal stories about grief, relationships, and why different roles on a team matter when building a life you actually want.

• defining arrival as seasons not a peak
• faith as a guide for evolving goals
• communication gaps in relationships and repair
• grief as data for resilience and clarity
• visionary vs implementer roles in teams
• energy management and friendship compatibility
• contentment vs stagnation and respecting differences
• career paths, stability vs entrepreneurship trade-offs
• money myths, lifestyle creep, and realistic success
• choosing your own arrival and celebrating progress

Before we continue, if you're a woman who does it all, sports mom, dance mom, beach girl, healthcare worker, someone whose life doesn't fit into one lane, you need a bag that can keep up. This episode is in affiliation with Bog Bag. It's durable, waterproof, modular, and fully customizable. Whether you're headed to the stadium, the beach, or straight into a long day, it holds your lifestyle together without you having to think about it. You'll find the link in the show notes and the comments.

Transcript

Are We Ever “Done” Growing

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I expect everyone to be just like how we are. Like, oh, this what you want to do?

SPEAKER_03 0:05

Oh, because I was thinking about you can do it like this, or you can do it like this. So could be like, oh, God, okay, God, you allow for me to hit this, hit that, hit that. What's next? What do you want from me? I don't think it's necessarily for me to ask of like when is it done? Is what am I evolving into? What does God have for me next? How has the world changed for me to express my gifts differently? Right. And I'm okay with that. Some seasons I'm gonna pull back a little bit, some seasons I'm going full for.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

We also have to protect our people. We have to protect our the access that others have to us because it can be draining.

SPEAKER_03 0:43

I wasn't, I didn't experience relationships the way that he did. So he expected me to know stuff, and I'm like, you thinking that I had those types of relationships with people, and I didn't.

SPEAKER_04 0:55

Woman in Black is where we put down the cape and pick up the mic, being authentically who we are, where we are, unmasked, unfiltered, and unapologetic.

Check-In And Relationship Dynamics

SPEAKER_01 1:08

Alright, so how are you today? I'm okay. Can I just say that somebody's getting on my nerves? What you gonna do about it? I've been doing about it. I've been ignoring it. Oh you have to tell them they get on your nerves. You're getting on my nerves. I don't know if they're right.

SPEAKER_03 1:27

Because that's my check-in. I'm gonna need you to be like, I'll talk to you later. I'm doing something.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

No, because that's not the plan.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

Oh, the plan is to not respond.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

The plan is you should read between the lines.

SPEAKER_03 1:41

You might have to tell them, don't text me. Because for some reason, my husband thinks everybody thinks like him. I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about when you said that.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

I don't even know you like that. I don't know you, you don't know me, sir.

SPEAKER_03 2:02

I've been dead. But you know what I also realized about myself? This don't have nothing to do with the topic, but it's just something I had to talk to with my husband because we all have different experiences, right? And I realized like I wasn't, I didn't experience relationships the way that he did. So he expects me to know stuff, and I'm like, that's not, I didn't you thinking that I had those types of relationships with people, and I didn't. So you're the first person I'm experiencing this with in terms of relationship dynamics. I don't understand relationship dynamics. I've never had to depend on anybody, I never lived with anybody. I don't operate that way. And so I'm telling him, can you just say it in plain English? I don't know what that means. And that's why that's I guess that's why I be responding to you like that. Not that you hadn't, you said you did tell him, but I realize that some people, because of how I, I, what I need, I'm like always tell people, just go straight in between.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

I can't be straight with people. Um I either I'm either this way or I'm that way. Um I don't want to be too straight. Cause then I'm mean. You get what I'm saying? And I don't like to repeat myself. I said what I said, I don't want to keep repeating myself.

SPEAKER_03 3:21

I think that it's hard out here. That's all. That's all. It's hard out here.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

But anyway, but the check-in is I'm good. My niece had a sweet scene. It was so cute. And for the first time in my life, I was so nervous to talk on the mic in front of her. Like I don't even know what I was saying. That's been bothering me since it was over. I don't even know what I was on the microphone saying.

SPEAKER_03 3:49

Cause you wasn't prepared, it caught you off guard.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

So I had I didn't, my mom didn't get up and say nothing because she was gonna be crying. And everybody else, it was just one person that got up and then another. It was her grand, her other grandmom, and then nobody else seemed like they were gonna get up and say nothing. So I felt like I had to say something, and then right after me, duty got up there, and I'm like, well, dang, if I knew you was gonna go up there, I would do it and you, but I don't know what I was saying. I told her something like, remember, if they walk in, we ain't talking.

SPEAKER_03 4:20

You always coming up with something.

SPEAKER_01 4:21

I'm sure me said just like keep God first, no F F voice. I don't know what I was up there saying, but other than that, it was really cute. Yeah, but she did. These kids are a hot mess. This new generation of kids is different. They didn't wait till we left to start twerking. They always have respect for older people basically.

SPEAKER_03 4:43

Not them. But they did, they did at the bonfire though. They was they went to the side, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

They did. Not these ones. Not these ones. One of them, they said bounce that butt like your friend do. And she was throwing it. But yeah, it was a good time. They had a good time. What time y'all got up out of here? I think I got home like 10 o'clock. Oh my. It was a day. And I got this one son, he's so faithful. I said, why you want to leave? He said, because I got a girlfriend, and these girls just do. I said, boy, if you wanna sit down. He was serious. Jace was ready to go. Jace's been ready to go.

SPEAKER_03 5:26

He probably wanted to know the whole thing.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

He had a pocket, two pockets full of candy, because they had to treat um a wall where you could turn the knob and put it all in your pocket.

SPEAKER_03 5:36

Anyway, how was your I ain't had nothing excited to go in the wings.

Family Event, Nerves, And Generational Vibes

SPEAKER_03 5:42

I had no parties. I did well actually, my oldest turned 20.

SPEAKER_02 5:48

Hey, it's Des here. Before we continue, if you're a woman who does it all, sports mom, dance mom, beach girl, healthcare worker, someone whose life doesn't fit into one lane, you need a bag that can keep up. This episode is in affiliation with Bog Bag. It's durable, waterproof, modular, and fully customizable. Whether you're headed to the stadium, the beach, or straight into a long day, it holds your lifestyle together without you having to think about it. You'll find the link in the show notes and the comments. Now let's get back to the conversation.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

So with that being said, when is it in your life that you'll be able to say, I've done enough? Because for me, I went to, I'm gonna give kudos where I'm gonna give kudos where it's too, praise where it's too. I went to do that um college visit. And one thing that the coach said that stuck out was I'm I'm never gonna arrive basically someday because I'm always striving to be a better person, better than I was yesterday. And that stuck with me because a lot of times people ask me, like, when do you think you won't want more? When do you think you'll be okay? Especially in my career, like, because I'll back up and leave, right? Um, but when do you think you'll reach your peak? And I can never answer the question because I don't think I'll ever reach my peak because uh life we gotta evolve with life. You know what I mean? So I'ma keep going. And there's always not even just that there's money to be made, but there's opportunities, there's networking, and I wanna make sure before I'm in that ground, I made a difference. You know what I mean? And so if I could do that in my sleep, I'll be old out here serving some soup kitchens that say, I'm gonna say something Josh's soup kitchen by the kitchen behind it. Yeah, so what what's yours? When do you think? What do you think about it? Is that an ignorant question to for people to ask? Like, what do you think? Like, when do you think you'll be you won't want as much? Or because some people are content. And that's okay for them.

SPEAKER_03 8:01

Yeah, I think I think personality has something to do with uh because we all measure success different. So I know some people who just want to be comfortable. They just God bless them with a level of just calm and comfort where it doesn't matter what's going on around them, like when it comes to ambition, it almost has a lid on it. It almost has a lid on it for them, and they have this baseline. I think for me, depending on the seasons that I'm in, it looks different. I'm just be honest. Now, I have my baseline goals of okay, I want to achieve this, I want to achieve this, I want to achieve this. That will make me feel stable, happy, and safe. Like that's my baseline. I think when those things are hit, everything else is a plus. I think it's like, okay, oh, so you could dream again. You can imagine again. You could be like, oh, God, okay, God, you allow for me to hit this, hit that, hit that. What's next? What do you want from me? So I don't think it's necessarily for me uh uh an ask of like, when is it done? It's what am I evolving into? What does God have for me next? How has the world changed for me to express my gift different?

SPEAKER_01 9:23

Right.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

Um, so I don't know that there will ever be a ceiling of I can't, but it's just gonna look different. It just looks different in different seasons.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:35

And I'm okay with that. Some seasons I'm gonna pull back a little bit, some seasons I'm going full force, and so but you're always progressing either way.

SPEAKER_01 9:43

You know what I mean? You're always moving, you're not gonna remain stagnant. And and

Sponsor: The Bag That Does It All

SPEAKER_01 9:48

I think we've said this time after time. It's okay for those people who are content being stagnant. It's okay because that works for them. But I'm gonna confidently say that don't work for us because the amount of times we're like, oh, because I was thinking this, because I was thinking this, like, it's never gonna work for us.

SPEAKER_03 10:09

Yeah, we just built different.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 10:11

Everybody built different.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

Yes. And the way we're built, I'm such a go-getter, such a hustler, always want to do something. It's just like when I don't feel like I'm doing it fast enough or I'm doing it the right way, the correct way, how

Striving, Peaks, And Evolving Goals

SPEAKER_01 10:26

I seen it, I I'm hard on myself. Yeah. Like I'm so like to the point where I'll get I'll get a little personal here, which um I don't really go see to my dad's gravesite a lot. Like I don't I think the first time I went is the story I'm about to tell y'all about. Um, in years. I've never like I went like two months ago. And I haven't this the first time I seen his um tombstone in person. I only knew where it was because my brother sent me a picture and I could place where the road was and where like my grandmom's wasn't too far. So I was like, okay. So I'm crying because I just felt like I wasn't doing enough. Like I'm having a day. I dropped my son out of school. I go, I'm gonna just go talk to my I'm out there, and when I say I'm crying, y'all know that ugly cry. Like that, not like I am crying, I am hunched over on this great uh tombstone, and I am crying, and um, I'm like, dad, like why would you leave me? Like I'm just crying, I'm just hurt, like I'm tired of doing this by myself. Like nobody understands me. Like, I'm crying about crying and I'm just crying. Do you know that a bird hit me? A bird just came up and smacked my back. And I got up, I said, All right, dad, I'm done, I'm not crying no more. You're right, I'm a no-limited soldier. You put all this in me, I'm good. Like, like that was like, whoa, you needed to get it out. I needed to get it out, but it just gave me like that, yeah, you good. You still that hustler, you still got that ambition, you still a go-getter, you got this, and that bird hitting me, y'all can say otherwise, but I know that was my dad. Like, girl, get up. Girl, get up. You just having a moment, get up. But yes, um, I just can't. It was hard for me to, it's still hard for me, I'm not gonna lie, to understand stagnant people, content people. It's that's so hard. I don't know how I'm gonna get through this. That's hard for me. Why do you think it's so hard? Like, okay, so I'm if I'm having a conversation with someone and they're not like you, believing in my dreams. I'm like, what's wrong with you? You can't see what what I'm you can't see that like I expect everyone to be just like how we are. Like, oh, this is what you want to do? Oh, because I was thinking about you could do it like this, or you could do it like this. So when I encounter people who are just like, like one time I had a conversation with somebody and they're like, I said, uh, yeah, because I'm gonna be retired by the time, you know, like in 10 years by the time I'm like 44, 45. And he said, But the way this world is, you think that's gonna happen? And that instantly made me mad, because for me it is, sir. I don't know about for you, but that's my goal, and I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

SPEAKER_03 13:27

Right.

SPEAKER_01 13:28

And I'm gonna go get it. Right. You know what I mean? So I just can't, for some reason, small-minded people kind of do something to trigger me. And I have to allow them to just be who they are, and I'ma just keep thriving. If they're just a random person, I could I'll try to speak life into you in the conversation, but I'm not gonna go above and beyond to do that.

SPEAKER_03 13:51

But if it's somebody like Braids, Braids was very Yeah, I couldn't date nobody like that.

SPEAKER_01 13:58

But yeah, so I am trying. I'm trying to remain. No, I'm not trying. I am gonna remain who I am, you know what I mean? And for me, I'm never gonna arrive. Yes, I am gonna arrive to certain levels. Yeah, but every level, I'm gonna progress to a new one, to a new one, to a new one. Like you said, different seasons, you know, you're gonna arrive at different places. Right. Um we had a blooper, y'all. Yes, we did. One y'all cannot see.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

Oh god, that was funny.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

I don't even know where to go from there, y'all.

SPEAKER_03 14:37

All right, let me add on. Maturity for me.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

We're not mature. We think we are. We're not she's snorting. We're not mature.

SPEAKER_00 14:52

Oh god.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

This one I thought we were growing up.

SPEAKER_03 14:56

Life had us. So I think that I've accepted that people are different. Still hard to navigate sometimes, but it reminds me of something I had to um had to do for work a while ago. And it was this um, I don't know how to pronounce the guy's name. I want to say bastador, um, bastador profile. We used to disc assessments and stuff like that, right? I'm all every time I do like any personality test, I'm mostly just in the middle, like mostly in the middle, but whatever's dominant, like that dominant feature, that D and I or disc was up a little further, S and C was down a little bit. But I I

Ambition, Seasons, And Faith

SPEAKER_03 15:40

I like that because I feel like I know when to tap into something high, tap into something a little more calmer. But I bring that up because the Bassador profile, it was for innovation. And so the questions were: if we're trying to move forward, who are you on this scale? Are you a generator of ideas? Are you an executor of the ideas? Um, and so it had like, are you an implementer of the ideas? There was a it was four different ones. I remember falling in between generator and implementer almost like like on the line, right? And so I generate a lot of ideas. I have high vision, right? But I also implement the ideas that I have. But there are two other that fall below that line that are extremely needed. And I can't remember exactly what they are right now, but um those are like the steady people, they're conscientious. And when you get to a certain level, you need those people, right? And I think once when we start to like change our mind about how society works, if we didn't have those people, we would just always be vision, implement, and burn out.

SPEAKER_01 16:59

Yes, yes. So we need those because just imagine a whole bunch of uses.

SPEAKER_03 17:03

Yeah, it'd just be like chaos.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

Like that'd be crazy.

SPEAKER_03 17:07

Some of those people will take your vision and execute it so cleanly, so effortlessly, and will be your number two or your number three to a point where it's like, oh wow. I thought I needed another me. But what I needed was somebody who always showed up, somebody who didn't need to necessarily think outside the box for themselves because they wouldn't be here for me.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

Right.

SPEAKER_03 17:35

Right? Like if if if everybody thought like us, then we won't always have that number two, you know, like how you have the CEO and the COO. Like, you need that number two guy to help run it, or else they're gonna run off trying to be a CEO over here.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 17:52

How far can we get long-term your personalities before somebody jumps ship, right? Um, and so it it's it's good and it has its.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

Yeah, it has its ups and its downs. Yeah, it's tough.

SPEAKER_03 18:06

It's a tough one.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 18:07

Um, but I get it when you have when people don't have growth mindset trying to have a conversation or trying to express, but that's why I think a lot of mastermind groups come up or a lot of um uh like boards, like one board I sit on. We had a meeting yesterday. So it's a bunch of people that have a similar mindset, and we're just talking, innovating, innovating, innovating. But again, it's like, dang, we gotta do this work too.

SPEAKER_01 18:38

Right. So I can give you all the step by step, I can coordinate the whole of it. But I don't want to put it together.

SPEAKER_03 18:46

Oh, like that's a lot of energy.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

Yeah, I'll just tell you who to go, I'll connect you to everybody that can do what. And I'm okay with it.

SPEAKER_03 18:54

And that's your gift, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

Like, I'm I'm so okay with it. Um, yeah, I won't, I'll just arrive at different levels.

SPEAKER_03 19:01

And then just enjoy life because some of our best ideas come from relaxing rather than high functioning. So I don't know if you guys ever like think about people who are writers or artists or things like that. Like a lot of inspiration comes from outside of what they do daily, and that's why they are able

Grief, Grit, And The Bird Wake-Up

SPEAKER_03 19:24

to perform um at such a high level in their artistry because they found a balance where they're able to feed their soul and able to, you know, whether it's self-care or whatever, just feeding them so that when they step into their power again, it's the next level. You know, they're always able to create.

SPEAKER_01 19:45

And people that think who are creative and masterminds like that, and who are like um go-getters, hustlers, we also have to protect our people. We have to protect our the access that others have to us because it can be draining. You set yourself around some people who don't, too many people that are stagnant and intent, that will interrupt your peace like no other. Like I'm talking firsthand. That will literally interrupt your peace so much to the point where if you go a day without talking to that person and you can tell how much your energy has lifted, like you, like it's just their personality, like pure.

SPEAKER_03 20:30

Some things is compatibility, friendship compatibility too, right? Some people love this image, they love what they get from you, the excitement of being around you, the community that you offer. But if they're also not feeding your soul, it's either okay, am I am I supposed to show up in their life as this and get my something from somewhere else? Or is this too much for me? Because I it's give, give, give. And did I not set up my life to receive, receive, receive? I say that because you look at pastors, right? Damn, we all trying to get something from them. Give give me the word God gave you in Jesus' name. But a lot of them have to have community with other pastors, other masterminds, other of that, right? And so just looking at it from a different angle, that that's why we have to be able to surround ourselves with people who energize us if we're constantly in situations where you know drink or figure out how to energize ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

Yeah, now we're not saying you can't be in communication with people who are not like you, right? Because think about your family. You don't get to choose those people. And everybody in your family don't think like you. But there's that one time of the year where I'm gonna be around all you you people and I, but that's the one time we're gonna take. I'm gonna be around all y'all. You know what I mean? But if I have to do something intentional. I'm ahead of my community and my people. And that may include some of my family members, but I guarantee you it don't include all of them. All of them. Probably like 12%.

SPEAKER_03 22:11

Maybe five. Yeah, but that's good. But as to arriving, what would you leave them with when it comes to have you arrived or when arriving looks different for everybody?

SPEAKER_01 22:27

Maybe you are a hustler and a go-getter and you say, When I become the CEO of Walgreens, I have arrived. Good for you. Right? Um, if that's your means, is that if that's your stop, that's cool. I'm can't stop, won't stop. Every step is not my stop. Every step is not a stop, it's just getting me to a different arrival in my season. So you choose your arrival. Because y'all don't even know what we be going through behind the scenes. Life be life. Life be life then, right? But choose your arrival, whatever works best for you. And to the people that feel like they've already arrived and playing video games all day is cool for you. Kudos to you guys.

SPEAKER_03 23:13

Shots fired. Shots fired. Let me stop. Childish. Are you sure you're dying related?

unknown 23:25

No.

SPEAKER_03 23:26

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

Y'all we're in the same um zodiac family. Y'all are.

SPEAKER_03 23:30

Yeah. Yeah, y'all different. Y'all real different. Oh man, y'all different. Don't you know? Because I'm not that militant. Know what y'all say and do. Yeah. Sometimes it could it could come across as inflexible. Like you're stubborn. You know? But yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:53

I wanna say I'm stubborn. But if holding a like I could hold a grudge with somebody and it wouldn't be a grudge, it would just be like a I don't f with you. You might have said sorry a hundred times, but I still don't f with you because you ain't have

Tension With “Content” Or Stagnant People

SPEAKER_01 24:10

to do that to me about people. That's what I hold on to, because I treat everybody good. So if you do something crazy to me, it's like you might apologize, but I don't F with you like that. And you gonna know I don't F with you because you could be in a room and I won't say two words to you.

SPEAKER_03 24:24

Right.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

Yeah. What you gonna leave them with?

SPEAKER_03 24:27

Well I'm leaving y'all with, um Do you, boo?

SPEAKER_01 24:31

That's it, that's the moral of it. Do you that's it, and that's and love your life if it's a life you love. Don't let us tell you any if you love your life, live it up, live it up.

SPEAKER_03 24:44

Because I'll tell you one thing, and everything's not financing, but sometimes there's a millionaire next door making fifty thousand dollars a year who ran up their 401k, okay? And they good, they taking their trips when they want to. They'd be miserable, they could be miserable, they they could be, but sometimes they really not. Sometimes they not because usually when people start making money, the expenses go up too. So y'all probably got the same percentage of income gaps.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

So I'm just gonna be them promotions and them raises. Here come some more bills, yep, and them taxes. Oh lord, the taxes.

SPEAKER_03 25:22

So y'all debt to income ratio the same. Yeah, I'm sure. But anyway, y'all, do you live your life? It's some goals, of course, but success may look and feel different for you.

SPEAKER_01 25:39

And don't try to keep up with social media because that's the people the damn devil.

SPEAKER_03 25:45

It could be at times. Keep telling you, you gotta do this, you gotta do this.

SPEAKER_01 25:50

Wherever you are, we said this before, you are exactly where you're supposed to be in this time. Regardless.

unknown 25:56

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 25:56

God don't make no mistakes.

SPEAKER_03 25:57

Yeah, and everybody don't need to be trying to be an entrepreneur either.

SPEAKER_01 26:00

No, no.

SPEAKER_03 26:02

Because you let me tell you, because I know some jobs that make more money than a lot of these entrepreneurs.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

And entrepreneurship is not nine to five. So if you know you're not a 24-7 kind of person, go get you a nine to five. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:17

Because it's just different personality types. Ain't nothing wrong with either of them.

SPEAKER_01 26:20

Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_03 26:20

But because some people like, I need freedom of time. Some people like, I need to know how much money comes into this count every month. All right, y'all. Have a good one.