What Women Wish Men Knew

We talk about what we want men to understand about women, from hormones and postpartum to the everyday need for emotional support. We also unpack why partners feel unheard and taken for granted, and how appreciation and communication can shift a whole marriage. 
•hormones, menstrual cycles, and low bandwidth days 
•postpartum changes and patience during recovery 
•emotional support over problem-solving 
•appreciation and noticing small acts 
•feeling unheard, repeating yourself, and shutting down 
•love languages and different communication styles 
•expectations in marriage, especially as a working mom 
•why long-term relationships require flexibility and repair 
Give us some love in the comments. Let us know what you expect your man to know about you. 

Transcript

Men Have Moods Too

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Men get cycles. And they get postpartum.

SPEAKER_01 0:02

I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_02 0:04

Some days I'm like, well, he's on his period.

SPEAKER_01 0:06

We both want our period today. So we just go say it or be that. He's on his period, y'all. He's driving me crazy. Sometimes people just need support. They're not looking for a solution. We have to do a better job with expressing that I'm here for you. Expressing that I hear you and what can I do better to support you in this situation. So yeah, men, uh, a lot of women need that. Women, surprise, men need it too.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

Found out that my 10-year-old has been in 13 relationships. And he was like, I'm not gonna be a cheater. I'm not a cheater. And I was like, Jay, you've never been in a relationship. And he was like, if I tell you how many relationships I've been in, you won't even believe me.

Welcome And Real-Life Check-In

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Woman in Black is where we put down the cake and pick up the mic, being authentically who we are, where we are, unmasked, unfiltered, and unapologetic.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

Well, how the heck are you? I'm good. Spirits up. You know, I'm good. I'm expecting some blessings and some great words. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

Mm-hmm. Me too.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 1:17

Expecting

My Ten-Year-Old’s Thirteen Relationships

SPEAKER_02 1:18

the best. I found out that my 10-year-old has been in 13 relationships. Let me just tell y'all. He said, um, if I tell you, he's because he told me that he's not a cheater and he's never gonna be a cheater. This is the kind of kind of conversation we were having. We were talking about his older brother. And he was like, I'm not gonna be a cheater. I'm not a cheater. And I was like, Jace, you've never been in a relationship. And he was like, if I tell you how many relationships I've been in, you won't even believe me. That's what he said. That's exact his exact words. And I was like, how many? He was like, you're not gonna believe me, mom. And I was like, Jace, just tell me. And he's like, 13. I said, 13! He said, I told you you weren't gonna believe me. So I said, What kind of relationships are these? He said, where I just like a girl and we just talk, and then I decide that we don't have things in common anymore. And we just we're just done. I said, so you be getting out here getting dumped. He was like, Mom, I don't get dumped. I decide that they don't we don't have things in common. He he used a specific word. I want to say he said aligned. He might have. I want to say he said that they weren't aligned. Well, good for him. Good for good for you, Jace. But then we had to have that talk. Don't have no more relationships, James. I don't know what these kitty relationships are. 13, son. You're only 10. Judy's like, have you ever have you even done 13 pieces of homework? Because you know we had this whole thing going on. Yeah, 13. So yeah, guys, talk to your kids.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Ooh, child.

SPEAKER_02 3:10

Yeah. I'm glad that my boys are so transparent like that for him to want to tell me that 13 times ago, he's like 13 girls. Different girls.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

That's all the girls in the school. Oh exactly. Hey, but uh this is a small town. Yeah, you're right. You're right.

SPEAKER_02 3:31

A lot of girls in his grade at least. Yes, right. So 13 times ago. But anyway, how are you?

SPEAKER_01 3:38

I'm good. I've been having conversations with my kids too. Um, not relationship-based, none of them are in a relationship. Thank God. They do know what you yeah, well, because DJ. Well, DJ told me once that he had a girlfriend, but then he's like, no, no, no, I'm just getting it. I'm just getting it. I was like, all right.

SPEAKER_02 3:57

I was like, and we're and now all of my boys, before y'all get in those comments, her 10-year-old, listen, all of my boys are old, much older than Jace. Yes, yeah. So they are into the girls, sports, all of that. So I think Jace is just hearing his brothers. I don't know. I mean, it broke your heart. Yeah, it's Jace. Why? 13?

SPEAKER_01 4:20

I think I mean, I think they have different definitions of relations. I don't want to talk about it no more. Who's that baby? Boy, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:30

He's growing up, right?

SPEAKER_01 4:32

He's figuring out what he wants early.

SPEAKER_02 4:35

Well, he's like 80 inside. He's really like 80 years old. He's been here before. Girl.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

I DJ like that, though. Been here before. DJ, DJ woke up this morning. I'm laughing because yesterday he had me cracking up. Talking about he cleaned up the house. He's four. He'll be five soon. He cleaned up the house. Yeah, he got muscles. He got ribs, not abs. He had ribs. Um, he kept interrupting my conversation with my oldest son because he wanted to show me that he cleaned up downstairs. I come downstairs, I'm cracking up. My sister comes over. She's like, Boy, that broom bigger than you. He's sweeping the floor. He's sweeping the floor, trying to get in a dustpan. I'm like, you need some help? He like, no, I got it. I'm like, such a man, man. He puts his face in his voice. I'm like, oh my God. And this morning, well, every morning he gets up, he um brushes teeth, washes face. Like he has his routine. And um last night, though, was the first time he went upstairs without being prompted to get in a to get to get in a tub and all of that. So I thought that was hilarious. I'm like, he talking about, yeah, I got wash, smell me. Like he said, feel the back of my neck.

SPEAKER_02 5:49

The kids are growing up. All of the kids are growing up.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

Yeah, I was cracking up. I was like, this boy, gosh. Yeah, something else.

SPEAKER_02 5:57

Wow. Kids are growing up. They are the handful. We're growing up too.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

We are, we ain't getting no younger.

SPEAKER_02 6:06

Sad. But whatever.

Sponsor Break Bog Bag

SPEAKER_01 6:08

Hey, it's Des here. Before we continue, if you're a woman who does it all, sports mom, dance mom, beach girl, healthcare worker, someone whose life doesn't fit into one lane, you need a bag that can keep up. This episode is in affiliation with Bog Bag. It's durable, waterproof, modular, and fully customizable. Whether you're headed to the stadium, the beach, or straight into a long day, it holds your lifestyle together without you having to think about it. You'll find the link in the show notes and the comments. Now let's get back to the conversation.

What We Wish Men Understood

SPEAKER_02 6:46

So, today, what are a few things that you, I, ladies, you guys too, like, what are a few things that we honestly could say we wish men knew or understood about us?

SPEAKER_01 7:01

Mine is probably gonna go a different direction than most women. I would just say, like, more so like the hormones. Like, went during the menstrual cycle. Like, I don't have the bandwidth. Like, I just don't have the bandwidth. I feel like my husband's good with that though. But you just gotta learn each other and realize, okay, I'm not even snapping because I'm mad. And he my husband type person after he learned me. Didn't happen right away. But um, and I'll just tell him, like, he knows when my period is coming on. He coming with the MMs. Here you go. I'm like, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

Just want to cry.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

Yeah, thanks. And I don't even know if there's so much crying other than when I'm watching movies. I don't know what happens there. Like when it's that time of month and the movie come on. You crying? What? I'm like tearing a little bit. He like, yep. I was like, I just don't understand. But like between him and I, it's not much tears or crying. It's usually like something crazy I'm watching. Um, I get, I'm not much of a crier. I'm more, I get snappy. Not mean snappy, but more like irritable. Irritable, yeah. And so my tolerance is low. And so uh, yeah, I wish they understood that. I wish they understood childbirth. I wish they understood postpartum in the two to five years after your body trying to get back to normal. I wish they understood how when I look in the mirror after giving birth, I don't know who that person is. Like, bear with me, have some patience, and that's that. So mine is around the hormones.

SPEAKER_02 8:47

Well, I I can say probably a lot of women will appreciate this. Um, emotional support matters. Like, we wish they understood, like just supporting us emotionally mattered more than what they think. The little thoughtful things, just yeah, like the the peanut M ⁇ S. Yeah, like that though that matters. Like, um, you notice that um I'm sleeping a little bit more. The period thing. Oh, she's sleeping a little bit more because her period's about to come on. Like, emotionally, she's crying. She's emotional right now because her period's about to come on.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Are you the type of person that's going to communicate that? Or are you like you just want them to pick up on the cues?

SPEAKER_02 9:30

No, I think I no, not even think. I I'll tell. Like my period's about to be. And they'll get used to. Yeah, I'll tell right off the bat. Ten days before my period comes on, I might get a little cranky or a little irritable. But you'll see. You will see the pattern. Mm-hmm. And what annoyed me five days ago, 12th day is gonna really annoy me.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

Gotcha. Yeah, so yeah, certain conversations we just shouldn't have when it's that time of month. And so I'm like, like, no, let's revisit this in a couple days, seriously.

Appreciation And Small Acts Matter

SPEAKER_02 10:05

Um, another one would be um appreciation. Appreciation matters. Um, for me, you don't I'm not gonna say that you don't have to have it all together, right? But you don't have to be perfect. And when you see that I'm not perfect and you're not perfect, and if you know, for example, let's say I've got I only got $20 left to the end of the week, but I took five of those dollars to make sure you had a coffee to start your day on a Friday. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 10:37

So that's thoughtful.

SPEAKER_02 10:39

And appreciate that. Appreciate the small things.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

Me and my husband are opposite in that.

SPEAKER_02 10:45

I'm the one who struggles with appreciation, small acts of service. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

He does he give small acts of service to me that I appreciate.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

I don't necessarily give small acts of service to him that he appreciates. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:05

Yeah, I'm I'm I'm more of a pay attention to you. You said you like those kind of socks, and then Thursday comes and you'll have those socks in the mail or something like that. Yeah, my husband's like that. Like, I'm not so appreciate that. Yeah, yeah, like be appreciative of the small thing, just be appreciative of us, like show us appreciation sometimes. Like, appreciation for us will go a long way, I think, for women. Like just appreciate our type of women.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

Girl, obviously, I'm struggling with this.

SPEAKER_02 11:38

So if he comes in the house and he says, Des, I appreciate I appreciate that you took the time you weren't supposed to cook today, that you cooked my favorite meal. You're gonna you're that's gonna make you feel good. Yeah. So it's it could be random appreciation, just the thought he appreciated that 100.

SPEAKER_01 11:58

So you're saying um to if there are any men listening, we appreciate when you vocalize that you appreciate something that we did.

SPEAKER_04 12:11

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 12:12

Yeah. Because I I feel like because of my marriage and where I sit in my marriage, that's something that I had to learn. My husband needed. Mm-hmm. I don't need a lot of external validation. Mm-hmm. And it's not a bad thing. External validation is not a bad thing, right? Um I just don't think about the same things, right? Um, and I do say, like, when he brings the stuff, thank you, thank you, like, oh my God, you're the best this. Like, I do say that because I do appreciate it. I'm just not as, I don't pay as close attention to the little things that you might pay attention to that a lot of men might appreciate more. And so that was a point in our marriage where um through marriage counseling, we realized our love languages were so different that I appreciated when he just sat next to me and watched a movie with me.

SPEAKER_02 13:06

And so So that's your type of appreciation. Yeah, yeah, but uh it's just appreciation altogether.

SPEAKER_01 13:13

You get what yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, just know each other's love language and then vocalize when you appreciate them. Yeah, but I can't.

SPEAKER_02 13:25

Shoot her a quick text, shoot me a quick text. I don't know. Yeah, clean my car off.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

Just tell me I'm beautiful, I'll be straight, and we'll be like, ding, your booty looking good in them jeans. I ain't thank you. Like something like that. Bet that's how I I'll do that. Listen, bet.

SPEAKER_02 13:44

Just tell me something.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

Yeah, look, listen.

SPEAKER_02 13:47

Listen, just tell me something.

Why Women Feel Unheard

SPEAKER_02 13:50

Um do you feel like a lot of women often feel unheard in relationships?

SPEAKER_01 13:56

I do feel like a lot of women feel unheard. I'm just not one of those women. Because I I I'm going to say it often. I would say it often. Now, what I realize is just because I say it doesn't mean they're gonna act on it.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

Or that they hear it.

SPEAKER_01 14:14

Yeah, or that they hear it. Um, and so that being feeling unheard, you know, it's layers to it. Like I advocate for counseling in relationships. That's all I'm gonna say. Because sometimes we talk, because sometimes not even all the men. We could be literally feeling unheard because men communic, the majority of men communicate so differently than us. A lot of women talk with their emotions and men talk in facts, and then you like a clash, but I feel this way. And he's like, Well, I don't care how you feel I did this. Like, so what you saying? What I do not good enough? No, no, yeah, good enough, because I needed a little more. So it's like I I just did a whole scenario. She did. My bad. It's okay, yeah. But that's how I feel though. I think it's like mostly I think it comes down to communication because I think that's a real feeling, feeling unheard in relationships, feeling unappreciated, like we said previously. So yeah, we wish men knew that a lot of women feel unheard and that there may be some communication barriers that we all have to get through in order to feel hurt. My me and my husband switched. My husband's a great communicator, if you haven't realized it. Great communicator, because he listens. When he went in the first two years of our marriage, he was saying the same thing to me all the time. I ain't hear nothing. He said, I it didn't resonate with me. I didn't understand what he was feeling and why he said what he said, because I felt like that's not my experience in this relationship. Right. I'm not exp that's not my experience. But sometimes we're going through stuff personally that have nothing to do with the relationship. And when sometimes people just need support. They're not looking for a solution. They just want somebody to listen to them. And want somebody, they want to know that somebody has their back, that somebody is supporting them. And I think, you know, both ways, we have to do a better job with expressing that I'm here for you. Expressing that I hear you and what can I do better to support you in this situation. So, yeah, men, uh, a lot of women need that. Women, surprise, men need it too.

SPEAKER_02 16:29

They do, they do. And I was gonna, I was gonna, before you said communication, I was gonna say uh communication really matters to women. Communication really matters. And for me, I don't like to repeat myself. So if I have to constantly repeat myself, then I feel like I'm nagging. Like I really will feel like, oh, now I'm nagging because I have to keep repeating it. So then I'll just shut up. I'll just shut down and be quiet. And then that turns into a whole attitude. And then I don't want to communicate with you no more because I've tried over and over and over and over again, but you're not hearing it. So just leave for me, it's leave that area open where we can effectively communicate so you can hear me how I feel like I deserve to be heard, and how I can hear you, how you feel like you deserve to be heard. It's we have to meet each other halfway.

SPEAKER_01 17:22

My husband would he probably would have been gone if I shut down because I wasn't listening. I was, but I obviously wasn't. Yeah, not what he needed, what he was expressing. Like um, I said the same things over and over again. What he did in his mind, we talked about this before. He he wasn't getting an attitude or nothing. It was just like, you're missing something. Like, this ain't resonating. I said the same thing a million times. You still ask me the same thing. I'm like, I don't get it. You need I don't need you to spell this out.

SPEAKER_02 17:58

But what are you guys doing in the midst of that? Communicating. Yeah, we communicate back and forth. Um, so that's the part, it's like, don't leave that communication is important, don't leave it out, but it can't be a one-way streak. 100%.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

Yeah, communication is important. I think um our expectation of how each other communicates is very different because we expect everybody to hear us the way we hear them, and it's just not accurate, it's just not the way it works. So communicating isn't just talking. So he was communicating with me, but I wasn't receiving it because we had different communication styles. Um, and I need things written out thoroughly, like I need them expressed thoroughly. Like, I need an example, a very clear one. Because if you say I'm doing this, I'm like, well, I did that because you did this. You see how I responded to you? Like, that's how I feel. Like, but you didn't have to respond that way. You could have done this instead. That's what I expected. But we realized we talked about before in the past upbringing, right? Yeah, it's different. Upbringing is different, communication styles are different, and it takes a lot of work if you want a relationship to last, to understand how to communicate, not just talking, not just shutting down don't work if you want to move forward either. Like it just Yeah, but by the time I shut down, I don't want to move forward.

SPEAKER_02 19:28

It's over.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

Yeah, you have a preference. Hey, do what you gotta do. Um, I'm clearly I'm married, so that's not gonna exactly we're just gonna be sitting in there mad at each other. Yeah, like and I actually like my husband. We have a good time as my best friend, so I don't want to not talk to him. Even when I don't want to talk to him, I still be like, uh like, so we still mad at each other or what? Yeah, we are actually. He'd be like, yo, you get on my nerves.

SPEAKER_02 20:02

Yeah, um feeling uh taken for granted can be one that um, you

Expectations And The Working Mom Load

SPEAKER_02 20:09

know what I mean? Feeling taken for granted. A lot of women do feel like they're taken for granted. But on the flip side, a lot of men feel like they're taken for granted too. So it's just uh it's gonna that one right there is a constant war for me for both genders.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

Yeah, I feel like I agree. Yeah, we had some conversations about that because expectations, right? My husband had an expectation of what a wife is. I am, as he describes me, um, go, go, go, right, sit down somewhere, type of thing. Like he was like, can we just enjoy this time? Like, let's just enjoy, you know? And he like, you all, every time we sit down, you always gotta get up and finish something. Like, oh, I gotta go do this, or oh, I gotta go. And I'm like, okay. So learning each other's pace and what's important to them. I think expectation for me was hard to meet. I think being a working mom is hard. Being a working mom is still trying to show up as wife, still trying to show up as mom, still trying to show up as sister, daughter, all these different things. And it's like, I know you need these things from me, but I need myself too. I need me too. You know, I uh at the end of the day, if if I'm tired and I just need a minute, I'm not, I can't show up that way. Whatever picture you had of marriage right now in today's society, it ain't it. That's how I felt. And we had and he he was actually understanding, but it took some time for us to communicate properly because I wanted to drop kick on. I let it drop kick on, and I still have times where we gotta recalibrate.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

Yeah, well, I don't have anything else for that one. What what do you need a man or your man? To like understand about you as a woman, like what do you need? I would say my biggest are the emotional support and um communication. Right. Basically, and appreciation that goes a long way, but appreciation for me comes along with communication and emotional support. So it's all handy here.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

That communication, you definitely I need uh 100% always need communication. Um say hormonal support, but now how is he supposed to do that? Help ease my hormones. You know what I need.

SPEAKER_02 22:38

Say nothing. Well, you know what? This is the biggest one, and this goes with her hormones. I don't know if you need if you guys need to just take some time out and look up the woman, the woman's menstrual cycle. I don't know what you got. I need we need you guys to study and focus. That honestly, we only get about five normal days of our of our lives each month. We don't get, we don't even get 20 normal days. It goes through different phases. We get a good five, three, five normal days when that's my bae, that's my girl. After that, we are back to the we either emotional, we irritable, we overly excited. We only get three or five, three to five good days of being normal. So you really only know me three to five days out of each month.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

That's that's real. Like make sure you understand our physiology. Yes, okay, our hormones, our ebbs and flows, and it actually changes in different seasons. So me and my husband going on almost nine years together. I am not who I was when he first met me. No, of course not. No, I had a lot more kids. I have a I have a lot more kids now, first of all. And I feel like with each child, they take something.

SPEAKER_03 23:59

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 24:00

So that is what it is. But anyway, so yeah, that's I'm leaving y'all with any long-term relationship gonna take some work. So be flexible with each other and act like you like the man. Like act like you like them, like them. Yeah, like them. Like, I'm just saying, like us with our attitude. Thank you. And be okay with saying sorry. Because the truth is, if we know we act like this already, a couple weeks out the month, then how we expecting them to tolerate us the whole time. It's like, I the amount of times I apologize to my husband, like, I'm so I did not mean to snap on you like that. And he looked at me like, yeah, cuz I don't know who you think you're talking to. But what's not talked about is men get cycles too.

Men’s Cycles And Food Hormones

SPEAKER_02 24:47

Oh yeah. Oh that's a whole nother Oh yeah. Men get cycles and they get postpartum.

SPEAKER_01 24:53

I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_02 24:54

Listen, it's such a nuance to say. They get to cycles because there is no way. Some days I'm like, well, he's on his period. We both want our period today.

SPEAKER_01 25:03

So we just gonna say it or be back. He's on his period, y'all.

SPEAKER_02 25:06

He's driving me crazy. He's on his period. Like he's he's on his cycle. It's his it's his mincy. It's in the food. All these hormones in that food. Well done. Messing everybody up. That's why we just need to go get us some good grass outside, season it, steam it, put it in the air fryer. Because that's our safest bet right now. Grass. That ain't safe. We're gonna pull the grass, get all the pesticides out. It came from the ground. Safest bet. Now you can't just get grass from anywhere. Not in New Jersey. Honey. No, you can't get grass from anywhere. You gotta go somewhere good to get the grass. You definitely can't get no grass in Philly. Can't get no grass in Philly. But yeah. Barely.

SPEAKER_01 25:55

Yo, but I be cracking up. I seen grass in Philly. Right.

Food Deserts And Fruit Trees

SPEAKER_01 26:00

I do see fruit though. When I'm them streets, I don't know if you realize this or not. Let me know because you might. But like, so my the street my sister lives on. You could walk down the street, they be picking fig, figs, everything off the tree. They just be eating it. I'm like, this is such a food desert. But people, they really nah, this is a real thing. Like it's a community-led thing. Like they make sure. Oh, it's a community. Nah, nah, like the I could be wrong. Correct me if I'm wrong, Philly people. But how my sister expressed it is like the city purposely plants trees that produce fruit because Philadelphia is a food desert.

SPEAKER_02 26:40

Oh, I know that. They don't do that in center city. Oh, well, of course. Yeah. You guys need to do that in center city. Put some little trees or some bushes somewhere so people can just grab the fruit off. That would be smart.

SPEAKER_01 26:54

Yes. I don't know how, but figure it out. Y'all smart. I am cracking

Wrap-Up And Questions For Listeners

SPEAKER_01 27:00

up. All right, let's wrap it up. We love y'all, y'all. Give us some love in the comments. And uh thanks for rocking with us. Let us know what you expect your man to know about you. And and and ask yourself, is it realistic? Because that's what we've been doing here too. Is it realistic expectation? Am I being taken for granted here or am I not meeting him halfway? No, because they will gaslight us sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 27:25

Of course. I mean, there are people like that. They do that sometimes. But you have to know whether you're being unrealistic or realistic with the expectation.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

I don't even think some people know when they're being realistic or unrealistic because social media be having people thinking they're supposed to have so much stuff that they ain't even willing to give. I'm sorry, in a different episode. Bye. Happy birthday.