Who Let Us Adult?

My Family Was.... Complicated | Controlled Chaos

• Ian & Jasmine Summers • Season 1 • Episode 5

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Ian opens up about his interesting upbringing— growing up in a divorced and blended family that was anything but quiet. From sibling chaos to lessons in loyalty and resilience, he reminisces on  those messy and funny moments that shaped his view of family. 

Proof that even in controlled chaos, God’s hand was always there. 🙌🏿

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Speaker:

How you feeling?

Speaker 2:

I feel a lot better. I can talk.

Speaker:

You sound better. Thanks. I mean, you left this audience with me for a week. That is, that is, you did a

Speaker 2:

fantastic job, man. You held it down. It was dangerous. No, it wasn't

Speaker:

just a little dangerous.

Speaker 2:

No, it was good. You did good.

Speaker:

Thank you. I, I feel, um, appreciated that you trusted me to talk to our audience by myself, so thank you for that. That was a fun little episode. Wild week. Fun episode.

Speaker 2:

Very much so.

Speaker:

So, um. You wanna tell us? Give us a quick teaser. No, no, you can.

Speaker 2:

No. All me. Yeah, go for it. Listen,

Speaker:

we've been talking about controlled chaos for what it seems like a month now. And, um, it's here. Let's talk about me a little bit and, and the, um. How do I say this? The, the, the chaos. How do you

Speaker 2:

say it? You've been saying it for a month now. You've been like, what? What's the episode called?

Speaker:

Control Chaos. Let's talk about the control. Chaos. That, here we go. This is, this is for you, Ryan. Yes. My brother has been asking for this episode for a, a while now.

Speaker 2:

All right. So what do you mean when you say controlled chaos?

Speaker:

Uh, gosh, exactly what it sounds like. It's, it's wild, it's crazy, but it's all under control and for some reason Makes sense.

Speaker 2:

But why,

Speaker:

uh, why is it under control or why is it chaos? No, I mean, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Why is there that combo of, of it being chaotic and controlled at the same time? I mean, I guess we alluded to this a little bit. You come from a blended family.

Speaker:

Yeah. So, so

Speaker 2:

let's talk about that dynamic.

Speaker:

So I'm one of five and I'm smack dab in the middle. What makes it interesting yeah. Is of all the siblings, I have one full sibling, so my little brother Ryan is, we're a hundred percent same moms, same dad, my oldest sister. We are same dad, different mom. And um, my youngest sister is same dad, different. Different mom. You see a trend here and And

Speaker 2:

your oldest sister and youngest sister, you guys all have the same dad, all have the same dad, but they also have different moms. Yes. Yes. So there's now three.

Speaker:

Three mamas

Speaker 2:

we're introducing three mothers into this three mother equation. Okay. And now your other brother.

Speaker:

And then I have an older brother who is I, it's weird because he's for over for most of my adult life, he's been in my life. So I've never seen him as a stepbrother, but technically,

Speaker 2:

yeah,

Speaker:

stepbrother. It's weird because our parents, our parents never got married, but they lived together for like Right. 20 some years. Right. And on top of that, the, um, his mom is my youngest sister's. Mom. Right. So that's a lot. That's a lot.

Speaker 2:

That is a lot. Okay, so let's recap this. Yes. Okay. As if I'm hearing this for the first time. I remember when I met you and it was like, I'll explain, wait a second. Wait a minute. Wait. That's my brother, that's my sister. I'll be like, wait, wait, wait, wait. Especially coming from a nuclear family. Mm-hmm. Even though I was adopted into that family, so I have a little bit of like blendedness there. Yeah. But not to your extent. So meeting you and experiencing your family and seeing that dynamic, it was very interesting, to say the least. Yes. So your oldest sister,

Speaker:

yes.

Speaker 2:

You all have the same dad except for your older sister, older brother?

Speaker:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

Okay. Lock in trying. I'm trying. Your oldest sister, she has a different mom than than everybody else. Correct. Your brother,

Speaker:

youngest brother,

Speaker 2:

your oldest brother? Oldest brother, who has a mom? Mm-hmm. Who was dating your dad?

Speaker:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

Is the mother of your youngest sister, correct. Your youngest sister's dad is your dad?

Speaker:

Correct.

Speaker 2:

And at one point, prior to your younger sister being in the mix, your dad was married to your mom, correct. And had you and had your younger brother? Yes. And then

Speaker:

they went

Speaker 2:

Kush? Yes. Okay. I think we brought it back. Okay. We're here now. Okay. We got the circle complete. Yeah. So yeah, that is. A, a, a hint to the controlled chaos.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

So elaborate a little bit more about what, like what did that look like growing up for you? Whew,

Speaker:

man. So parents got divorced. I talked about this, you know, in the, gave me episode where I talked about like, parents got divorced somewhere around my gosh, fifth, sixth, seventh birthday, somewhere around there. Mm-hmm. Um, and split. And then. At the time my dad was sharing custody and splitting custody with my older sister. Mm-hmm. With her mom and really her family.

Speaker 2:

Yep.

Speaker:

Um, and so it was like every other weekend we, we saw my older sister and then she lived with us for a few years. Right. Um, and then she went to go stay with, with, with family. It was a mess. Just back and forth, all that stuff. Mm-hmm. Um. Then, gosh, I probably was in sixth or seventh grade when my dad met my oldest brother's mom, and I think they started dating a couple of weeks, couple, couple weeks, maybe a month. Then he was like, move on in, move the family on it. Mm-hmm. So, and at, um, so they moved into my dad's house. My dad got full custody of. My sister. So now at the time, which sister?

Speaker 2:

My

Speaker:

oldest sister.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker:

So at that time it was your youngest

Speaker 2:

sister wasn't in the picture yet? Yeah, wasn't born yet. Okay, so oldest sister?

Speaker:

Correct.

Speaker 2:

Okay. And

Speaker:

my brother and I lived with my mom.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker:

So

Speaker 2:

your younger brother and you lived with your mom? Yes. Okay. Mm-hmm. I just wanna make sure I'm tracking because it's very easy to be like, wait, what? What happened? Right.

Speaker:

And then, um, yeah, so everyone moved into my dad's house. Um, so at that time it was just them two at the time. My oldest sister would have been. A junior in high school. And my, uh, older brother would have been, a freshman in high school.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker:

So, um, yeah, that, that's how it, it kind started. I mean, they, they started dating. There's actually a really funny story about this, which is, as you know, um, my stepmom, um, my oldest brother's mom, she, it, it like. It sums her up in a, um, it sums her up to a T so they met on a, on, I think like match.com or something like that.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker:

And if you don't know anything about match, match matches you with a hundred people.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker:

Okay. And then your number one is your strongest. Your strongest, your number 100 is your absolute, like, least strongest. Can you guess where my dad was? That list

Speaker 2:

the least. The

Speaker:

hundred.

Speaker 2:

Oh, wow.

Speaker:

And she started with the hundred. Oh my

Speaker 2:

gosh. Of course. Which is really funny. And it's funny that you're, I think the funniest part about that story is you explaining match,

Speaker:

I guess. Yeah. Fair.

Speaker 2:

Because Wow.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

It's just one of those things. That Gen Z would be like, what?

Speaker:

Yeah. Oh man. Like you

Speaker 2:

mean Tinder? They

Speaker:

didn't swipe right. No,

Speaker 2:

exactly. They

Speaker:

basically see, see Gen Zs that are listening Back then, you know, you actually had to fill out a profile and then they would match compatibilities. So yeah, that was really very, very interesting.

Speaker 2:

Okay. If your childhood was a soundtrack. What do you think it would be?

Speaker:

Papa was a roll. That is funny. Wow. That's funny. No, I say that without joking joke. No disrespects to my dad because I love and I love ev, the whole, Hey. He would've laughed

Speaker 2:

at that. Yeah, that's funny. He would've laughed

Speaker:

at 100%.

Speaker 2:

I hope so.

Speaker:

No, don't worry about it. It's fine. It was fine.

Speaker 2:

Take me out.

Speaker:

Right

Speaker 2:

leaves chat.

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker 2:

Again, I think we've all left your family group chat at one point's.

Speaker:

Oh man. So anyway. Oh, uh, a lot happened, so, you know, they, everyone moves into one house. Um, except for my, my, you know, me and my, um, my younger brother. Um, and it's a lot of just kind of getting, getting used to it.'cause it wasn't like, you know, we sat down and we're like, hi, meet this person. It was, hi, this is, you know, this is Rafael. He's your new brother. Okay.

Speaker 2:

Okay. Welcome. And he was a freshman?

Speaker:

Yeah. And I was in high school and like, well, so I probably think I've been the summer of, as he was going. So yeah. Eighth grade freshman year. And I'm seventh, eighth grade-ish.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker:

And, um, I'm just like. Okay. All right, cool. Yeah, what's up? Like, and he had came from a complete, like, it was complete culture shock for, for both me and my brother.'cause he was a complete 180 from both of us, which was interesting. Like,

Speaker 2:

what do you mean by that?

Speaker:

Like, because this is actually something

Speaker 2:

I don't think I knew.

Speaker:

Yeah. There's a lot we didn't know'cause we grew up around

Speaker 2:

white

Speaker:

folks.

Speaker 2:

Why you gotta say it like that? Because

Speaker:

it's funny

Speaker 2:

why you got it. Why you gotta say it Like Stewy saying Cool whip.

Speaker:

Cool whip. So we, you know, we lived with my mom Al in the boonies. It's kinda similar to you in the sticks. And you know, we were the 2% black folks in our, um Wow. In our, in our high school. One and

Speaker 2:

two.

Speaker:

Yeah. One and two. Think one thing, two. No. Um, so we were the, those. You know, the minority there. And so we didn't do a lot of hanging around black folks. There was a lot of things we just didn't understand. Mm-hmm. Or you know, just didn't know, you know, like I didn't own a pair of like designer shoes. I just wore slip-ons'cause I didn't care. So my mom bought us, my mom bought us the stuff from the sneakers from from Payless wore Payless shoes. We wore. You know, the, uh, were

Speaker 2:

kwi bad? Yeah. The case. Those were nerdy.

Speaker:

Yes. Yes. Oh, for a

Speaker 2:

word.

Speaker:

Word. Yeah. Did you hear

Speaker 2:

that Mom?

Speaker:

Kwi did not, they didn't know I left my kwi. They were not it.

Speaker 2:

Oh, I, I love my kwi.

Speaker:

So like, we, we get to, you know, we, we meet Raphael he introduced us to a lot of things. I never wore jerseys, like I never wore, uh, throwback jerseys. Did you have vapes? No, I never, none of that. None of that stuff. I never knew any of that stuff until I met Rafael. So he introduced us to a lot of that world, like. I could walk out the house ashy and not care. I just would, I'd walk out the house without no lotion on my ankle, my knees. If your mom

Speaker 5:

is listening to, she's like, yeah, I would never have, no, but it wasn't too, she's punch an error because that is, I know a staple That she would not let you. Yeah,

Speaker 4:

that was a personal decision. I would never have done that, but like. Sorry. I would never have cared at that time. And then I met Rafael and we would get just flamed. I mean, you know how it's like being around my family? Like if you can't take a joke,

Speaker 5:

oh, that was culture shock. That's,

Speaker 4:

that's, that was, that's another thing. Culture shock. We just, we, we made fun of each other all day, every day. Oh, that was culture shock

Speaker 5:

for sure.

Speaker 4:

So

Speaker 5:

y'all hurt my feelings.

Speaker 4:

Sorry, all

Speaker 5:

the time, man.

Speaker 4:

So a lot of things, you know, freestyle rap and making beats, stuff like that, I would have never had done until I met him. So like,

Speaker 5:

so was there a moment that you realized growing up that not everyone's life is like this? Yeah. Not everyone's family is like this.

Speaker 4:

Oh yeah, yeah. I mean, the man. That probably comes later. We'll come back to that question.'cause that's a good question. So no, we, we, uh, oh, here's, here's an interesting thing. So, um, we would go probably every other weekend to my dad's house. Um, and the house that they stayed, they, they had at the time only had what? Four bedrooms? I think. So one of them was the master, one was the computer room. Which is the office.

Speaker 5:

Are you talking about Nina?

Speaker 4:

No, this is before Nina.

Speaker 5:

Okay. Blair had a room and, and Rafael had a room, and then there was the basement. And we, this was prior. Prior, okay. So

Speaker 4:

we, they finished the basement and. Yes, there was a room upstairs, all three of us, before the basement was, was finished. When we would stay, all three of us would be in a king-sized bed, knocked out

Speaker 7:

Okay.

Speaker 4:

For a, a while. That's a core memory.

Speaker 7:

Okay.

Speaker 5:

So how did you guys, you specifically especially after your parents divorced and then you're at your mom's, you're at your dad's. I'm assuming that you had two very different experiences Yeah. About rules and, you know, parenting styles. So how did you handle that?

Speaker 4:

It wasn't really much different, you know, just don't be crazy. Mm-hmm. Essentially, like, um, wasn't, I mean, at my dad's house, because there was so, it was so much of us.

Speaker 5:

What do you mean by don't be crazy?

Speaker 4:

Like, just don't like break stuff

Speaker 5:

at your dad's house? Yeah.

Speaker 4:

Okay. You know, um, we lived in the, in the country with mom. So like we were always out either doing something outside the house or if we weren't in the house, we were, we. Weren't really doing much like watching tv. Mm-hmm. That was the thing about, about living with mom was we were out with friends because we live with no internet, like the the, we had one phone. Uh, all of our friends are 20, 30, 40 miles away. They're not within like, walking distance right now. We did have a few friends that were a couple miles away that mm-hmm. You know, shout out Josh down the street

Speaker 5:

man, that was who I needed to go through to, for this relationship to continue. I had to get a thumbs up from Josh.

Speaker 4:

Yeah. That, that and Blair. Yeah. But no. Um, so we would, with mom, we'd take the bikes and, and just be off all day. Mm-hmm. And as long as we came home before it was pitch black outside.

Speaker 6:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 4:

You know, she, you know, she was cool with that. Okay. We didn't have our cell phones back, back then, so. It, it's you. You need to figure out where we were at. You called three parents? Yeah. Hey, is the kids over there? Yeah. Cool. Send'em home, you know? And then that was probably a 25 minute bike ride back home, so, you know. That's kind of how moms was. Dads we were, in the suburbs we had, you know, friends that were next door.

Speaker 6:

Mm-hmm. We

Speaker 4:

could go to the park and play, pick up basketball all day. We had internet. So I was able to, you know, be in the a IM chat rooms. Terrible thing. Terrible back then. Yeah,

Speaker 5:

for sure. Um,

Speaker 4:

you know, all day and no

Speaker 5:

business being on those websites.

Speaker 4:

Right. Or, you know, back to the gaming stuff, I could play online, online games mm-hmm. At my dad's house that I couldn't do at my mom's. Yeah. So, um. Yeah. It wasn't like we, we, we really, I won't say there was like, did we have rules? Yes. Like, were they, neither one of the of my parents really were crazy, like strict on like mm-hmm. Certain things, you know what I mean? They were all, they were both pretty chill'cause we were all relatively good kids. So a lot kinda happened when, probably around my junior year of high school. Um, Ryan asked my mom if he could live with dad, um, purely because he wanted the opportunity to play for a bigger school and, um, you know, reach, you know, have, have a chance to plan collegiate ball somewhere. He felt he couldn't do that with the small school that, you know, I graduated from. I mean, when I probably, what would that have been freshman year.

Speaker 6:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 4:

Of, of high school. So, you know. That's when Lexi was born.

Speaker 7:

Okay.

Speaker 4:

And, you know, there is a, gosh, 12 to 14 year age difference. Age difference mm-hmm. Between all of

Speaker 7:

us. Yeah.

Speaker 4:

Um, and I think that with the, the, you know, you're raising a, a child, a newborn in a situation where. You have a, you have the oldest is a senior in high school.

Speaker 6:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 4:

The, you know, next one is a, so, uh, is a freshman, the next one is an eighth grade. You know, Ryan's in sixth grade and then you have a newborn. So I think the attention kind of got lost a little bit at the parents' house. But it was mini wild, wild west to extent. Um, feels

Speaker 5:

like a good description.

Speaker 4:

Yeah. I mean it, and that was an interesting time too because dad still owned the, um, the mortgage company and that was before the mortgage crisis. So like, we made a lot. I mean, they, they made, he made a lot of money at that time.

Speaker 7:

Yeah.

Speaker 4:

And we built the new house. Mm-hmm. We built, um, we. I have nicknamed that house, Nina.'cause it was in Gina, so we called it Nina. And that's where, that doesn't

Speaker 5:

make any sense.

Speaker 4:

Just listen, I'm gonna need you to, how about Nina?

Speaker 5:

Gina?

Speaker 4:

It was go, it was in Galena. We called it Nina. So it be Nina? No, Nina. I'm not calling it Lena.

Speaker 5:

And I have a feeling because I know your family so well.

Speaker 4:

Yes.

Speaker 5:

And I know your guys' dynamic when y'all are together. If any of your siblings are listening to this, we know Ryan's gonna listen to this, and if they hear anything that does not line up with their memory of it, we gonna

Speaker 6:

hear about it.

Speaker 5:

They're going to correct you a thousand percent with the quickness. So why do I have a feeling it's gonna be that they're gonna come back and be like, they're either gonna stand 10 toes down with you? Yeah. About Nina and Gina, or they're gonna be like, nah, nah, nah, nah.

Speaker 4:

It was in Gina we called it. It's called Nina. Yeah, I listen. Yeah. So

Speaker 5:

why, when I first heard of Nina, like I was with a friend and she was like, we went out, you know, to the bars when I was in college. And she was like, you wanna come come with me to the after party, after the bars? It's like, yeah, where are we going? She's like, we're going to Nina.

Speaker 6:

Going to Nina. I, I thought

Speaker 5:

Nina was a place like a city. Like we're going out of Columbus, we're going somewhere. We pull up to a house and she's like, we're at Nina. And I was like, it's a house.

Speaker 6:

Nina

Speaker 5:

has a, is a house's name. They named their house. And then I walked into the house and I was like, I just was not expecting that house to be the house that we were going to. It's a

Speaker 6:

beautiful

Speaker 5:

house. Yeah. I mean, we're a bunch of college students. Yeah. You know, it just was not what I was expecting. It was very, very nice. The house was gorgeous

Episode_04_Part3:

the stuff that we got away with was just, could not, what do you think about a specific moment? Mm-hmm. That you would say was pure chaos, but it makes you laugh now. A moment that was pure chaos. Um, we talk about this a lot. Um, so my oldest brother's mom love her to death. She's amazing. She, she's one of the best cooks I've ever, you know, been with, I've been with, uh, experience. Um, she had, she battled with insomnia. So her days and nights would get really messed up. Mm-hmm. And so during the summertime when we would spend weeks at my dad's house, um, it would be one o'clock in the afternoon and we would just, you know, be ki we were kids, we'd be out laughing, playing and she couldn't sleep. So she would had been up all night. Mm-hmm. And she, um, wasn't really happy with us that we were. Making noise at one o'clock in the afternoon when she was trying to sleep. So that night, um, and this is like a reoccurring thing that happened mm-hmm. That night she came down at like three, four o'clock in the morning with our youngest sister Lexi, who, uh, was on her schedule with her. So how that made sense. Lovely. Yeah. I have no idea. Um, she'd come down and it'd be like four o'clock in the morning and she'd be like, all right, everybody up. Time to clean the whole house. Fun. So it'd be like, wait, wait, why? Well,'cause you guys were, were super loud when I was trying to sleep. Now it's time for you guys to, she pulled a bad girls club on you. Oh, she did? I don't get no sleep because of y'all. No, y'all don't get no sleep.'cause of me. Just absolute. We're all looking like what we used to get yelled at for it. It, it is wild how much we used to get yelled at for stop making noise. It's one o'clock in the afternoon. What do you mean? Well, she was tired. Yeah. Yeah. Oh man. We, um, yeah, that's definitely chaotic. Yes. At the time. But I love that you guys have found humor in this, in these stories. Did you ever feel like you struggled with where you belonged? Yeah. Oh yeah. So, I mean, we're, it's, we're we, were, I'm smacked up in the middle. I don't get told Yes enough. I don't get told no enough. I keep saying that, but that's the truth, like mm-hmm. I am the stubborn one out of, out of everyone else. Yeah. Um, so. I take this, I have my dad's, my dad's, um, life of the party, like party side where he has that, like he can be the life of the party and entertain anybody and talk to anybody. But I have my mom's like when I am, when I say that I'm not doing something. Mm-hmm. I'm not doing it. Yeah. Like I stubbornness. Yeah. I, I'm, I don't really bullheadedness, I don't really succumb to peer pressure. Like, it's not, it's not hard. If I say no to something, I'm, it's good to know. Yeah. And that used to get me, that used to get on. Especially your siblings. The brothers. Yeah. Yeah. Your brothers nerves. They, because they, Hey, can you do it? No. And they would be like. Come on. No, it's not doing it. I'm not doing it, bro. Yeah. Yep. Like I have a story. Okay. I, I'm, I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell this story'cause I don't think you've ever heard this story and we're probably gonna up cutting out how much you wanna bet you might have, you may not. Um, we were a little bad kids for a while. Um, man, we used to shoplift for Meyer. Yep, I've heard this. You have heard the story? Yep. Oh, I don't wanna tell it then. Uh, dang. I should have bet you something. Yeah, you don't want that. It's a good story. Um, you could tell it. So we used to, we used to shoplift from Mar. From Mar just like nothing like crazy, just like small stuff. But there was this thing back in the day called a Game Shark. Nowadays when you wanna find a cheat code for a, uh, a game, you just Google and it tells you all the cheats. So back then they created these things called game sharks, where you just, you take a disc and you drop it into your, you know, Xbox or PlayStation, and it will, um, show you, it'll, it'll upload all the sheets for you. Yeah. And so we wanted one, we didn't have any money because we were kids. So we decided to, we were gonna shoplift one. So what happened was, is what we did was, I, how awful saying this, but what we did is we used to open scissors in stores Okay. In the store. And then we would cut the game shark, you know, out of its package and then just walk out the store. Um, and. What happened was is we went to do it and I did it. I was the one who they, you know, I think Ryan or somebody, uh, got the scissors open, but I took the scissors and cut open the game shark and then put it in my pocket and we walked out. And what happened was, was when I did it and we got back to the house, I accidentally cut the disc so it was unusable. Mm-hmm. And Ryan and Raphael are both picked mad. They're mad at me mm-hmm. For doing this. And they're like, we gotta go back and get another one. And I said, no, I'm not going. No, no, thank you. I'm not doing this. You can do that if you want to. Okay. I'm not going. Okay. I have to pause you just for just a second. Mm-hmm. Because you can say as much as you want that. Zuri acts like me. Our 4-year-old acts like me. No, because what you just said there is me. No, I'm not doing it was zuri coded. My goodness that had Zuri written all over it. She, I said, Zuri, go to the bathroom earlier. She goes, no, I. That's fair. Do that's fair. When you watch this back, honey. That's fair. You're gonna see it. All right. Please continue. Yes. So you told them, so I said, no, I'm not going. You told them you pulled a My wife and kids. No. Okay, keep going. I said no. I'm gonna go on a IM and talk to my friends. And so I did. I went on the computer and I'm talking to my friends and. The phone ring by like 30 minutes pass and the phone rings. I hear it ringing. I can hear my dad answer the phone. What? Huh? I'll be right there and I'm laughing because that was a really good impression of your dad. What? And so I'm in the computer room and I'm like, what? What's happening? And the door's open and I hear him open the door and I hear him call for, you know Rafael Swan here, Tracy? She's like, what? She goes, we gotta go to Meyer. Why we gotta go to Meyer? The boys just got caught shoplifting, and I'm in the room like, oh. And like he walks by the room. He goes, huh, how'd you not you, you're not with the bull. I'm like, no, I'm here. I'm, I'm here, bro. That's crazy. I'm here. I got another good one after this. That's crazy. So there's a theme. Oh, they were mad at you. There's a theme to this. So they get caught shoplifting. They did a little bit of community service and they were like banned from Meyer for like a year. So that happens. Okay. Very. They're still mad at me because. Of course I'm the one who doesn't get caught. Right. Um, so fast forward four or five years later, we were going to red, white, and boom, this is red, white, and boom

Speaker 10:

I get a call from Rafael and say, Hey, listen, we're thinking about throwing a party at the. Throwing a, a pre-game party, and then we'll go down to red, white, boom. Okay. And I'm like, all right, cool. Rafael, I'm down. Let's do this. Ryan's like, I'm down. Let's do this. You know? So Ryan's already at the house?

Speaker 11:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 10:

I am at my mom's house, so I'm like, well, I'm, I'm, I'll drive the 40 minute drive to go. You don't hang out with you guys. So I get in the car and drive over there. Um, I get asked to go pick up like Red Bull or something, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'll worry about when I get there. Okay. So I get to the house. So they got some really cheap vodka, Kim Chaka, like a 30 pack of Natty and they're going to town. And so we're, there's probably 10, 15, 20 people there. Mm-hmm. Uh, no, they're probably not. Probably, yeah, maybe 10. Maybe 10.

Speaker 11:

Okay.

Speaker 10:

And we're, you know, they're, they're, I haven't taken a shot at anything yet. I leave to go to the store to go pick up like Red Bull or something, something to chase this really horrible rocket down. Um, and when I, as soon as I get back, I pull back, uh, my car, I, I hop outta the car to like run in to, to drop off the Red Bull and I'm about to run back out to, to leave. Um, so we can all head down to roulette and boom. And one of the girls comes through the front door and she goes, the cops are here.

Speaker 11:

Just nonchalant,

Speaker 10:

nonchalant, very drunk. Just cops are here.

Speaker 11:

No care in the world,

Speaker 10:

right? And like four of us bowl out the back door, including me. I ran from my own house. So I run out the house. I'm thinking, yeah, cool. My brother's behind me, somebody's behind me, you know? Nope. Just me, me and, you know, two other people just take off running. Okay. And so I'm sitting behind a bush for like an hour watching the cops like breathalyze, my younger brother breath, oh no. Take, um, take Rafael through a field sobriety test, take a couple of the girls, do the field sobriety test that were in there. One of the girls was like, I'm not giving you my name. The officer was like, that's fine. Turn in the cop car takes her. You won't let me call your parents. It's fine. I'll just take you to jail. I'll call'em there. Oh.

Speaker 11:

Oh, no.

Speaker 10:

And then, um, uh, they, the cops, our parents get there, cops leave. My car was on by the way.

Speaker 11:

Right.

Speaker 10:

It was still running. So like Rafael like walks outside after he calls my parents and the cops are there and like pulled my keys. I turned my car off. My dad gets there.

Speaker 11:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 10:

And you know, he's. I dunno what happened to these kids. Um, dude, we raised him right. You know, he's just, just, you know, going, making a scene and the cops leave. And so I walk back up to the car and to the house and like, okay, I'm accepting any punishment I'm gonna get. As soon as I walk up to the house and my dad, and my dad and Tracy look at like, oh, we figured you were here'cause we saw your car, but we didn't see you. Mm-hmm. They were like, where did you go? I can rap you up. He ran and my dad and Tracy started busting out laughing.

Speaker 8:

So, you know, of course we're all there, you know, Rafael's grounded forever. Because we had trouble that happened, right? They're like, now all of us have to go up to the boat. Seems like a punishment

Speaker 9:

boogie. Love that. Oh yeah. It's for Boogie. That that's fair.

Speaker 8:

My, my older brother has massive seasickness. Yeah. So he like even steps on a boat, he just immediately throws up.

Speaker 9:

That is good punishment.

Speaker 8:

But I remember, um, I feel going, yeah, I'll drive.'cause we had to take two cards and they're like, no you won't. And they, I, they threw me the keys and I ended up driving up to the boat that night, but lovely. Which is

Speaker 9:

crazy'cause it's like you were still there.

Speaker 8:

Yeah.

Speaker 9:

Yeah. And you were drinking.

Speaker 8:

I wasn't, you were about to drink. I was about to drink.

Speaker 9:

Yeah. That's just crazy. Like

Speaker 8:

Yeah. I, that's been like a, it's a funny thing getting out

Speaker 9:

of the, getting out of the trouble. Yeah.

Speaker 8:

That's one thing that Ryan Raphael always hold over me is like, you always get outta all trouble. And I'm like,

Speaker 9:

I'm sure.

Speaker 8:

Apparently

Speaker 9:

When did you realize that the chaos actually prepared you for adulthood?

Speaker 8:

A couple of things that, um, are kind of unusual in, um, my family and that is, you know, from day one we accepted Raphael. I never had any issues not accepting my sisters or anything like that, but like we stepped Raphael's, my brother. Right.

Speaker 9:

You know, from day one.'cause technically he's your, he was your stepbrother at that point. Yeah. Then te and really not, not. Yeah. He wasn't because

Speaker 8:

they never got married. They were

Speaker 9:

never married. Yeah. Um, but okay, let's say, let's ignore that and say he was your stepbrother. Mm-hmm. But then they split up and now he's your ex stepbrother, but he's your brother. Yeah. Like at the end of the day, like, that's your brother. Yeah. Like that's my brother-in-law. Like that's family.

Speaker 8:

Yeah,

Speaker 9:

for sure.

Speaker 8:

And that's something that, um. It always taught me to, just like we had differences. We fought and argue like any other family does. Mm-hmm. But I, you know, at the end of the day, I always had my back. He's always had my back. Yeah. Same with with with Ryan as well. We bicker fight and argue over everything. Right. Like the

Speaker 9:

three of you, the

Speaker 8:

three

Speaker 9:

amigos, y'all's dynamic, I mean, Ryan, I know Ryan and Raphael are like thick as thieves. Yeah. Like. Ryan, I think, and maybe still thinks this way, like Boogie hung the moon. Like Yeah, just looks up to him so much. Not that he didn't look up to you, that's fine. But y'all were in way closer proximity to each other growing up. Yeah. Like y'all were toddlers together. Like you started then, then, and then when Raphael came into the mix, it was like this. Outsider like coming in. Oh, and he's cool. Oh, he's cool. He's cool. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And so like seeing, hearing that story of how that happened, you know, but then the three of you just like really built this amazing bond. Yeah. And really all five of you have this really awesome sibling bond that I was able to witness when I came into the family. Getting roasted roast immediately, immediately. Um, I do, I will toot my own horn here for a second, because your family, I remember saying that of any of the girlfriends that were brought around, I was the coolest. Yeah,

Speaker 8:

definitely. So by far catch you up,

Speaker 9:

period.

Speaker 8:

Yeah,

Speaker 9:

I'll take it.

Speaker 8:

That's your shit. You were, you were the goat. I mean, I knew you were gonna be good on day one, but I was like, oh, she cool. I like her. I was like that.

Speaker 9:

Yeah. That was And and your nephew? Ken. Ken. Ken. How are we all Forget about Ken. He was in the mix. Yeah. In all of this. Yeah. He was two years old when I came into the picture.

Speaker 8:

Living at Nina. Was it?

Speaker 9:

Can, can man. That was my homie.

Speaker 8:

There's so much that's happened at Nina.

Speaker 9:

There was a lot that happened at Nina. Oh gosh. Yeah.

Speaker 8:

Um. Yeah. So

Speaker 9:

that, I mean, that prepared you for

Speaker 8:

Yeah.

Speaker 9:

That prepared you for adulthood.

Speaker 8:

Yeah. Um, that, and I learned, you know, from my, from my parents, um, I learned a couple of things, couple big things. One, resiliency from both parents. Hmm. Um, I got the chance to watch my dad lose his business.

Speaker 9:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 8:

Make a new business, you know, fail at that business.

Speaker 9:

Yep.

Speaker 8:

Make a new business. Succeeding again. Like it I've watched still.

Speaker 9:

Yep.

Speaker 8:

Just over and over. And, and that was one of the things that I really appreciated, is we never really felt like, yeah, there were some times where, where things got kind of crazy, you know, at the house. You know, we went, I've seen the, I always tell people, I've seen both sides of the coin where we've lived. You know, I'm not gonna say like the, the, the 1%, but we, we, we did a lot of things that a lot of people just didn't do. Mm-hmm. You know, we went up to Lake Erie and lived on a 40 foot, 44 foot sports yacht, you know, every other weekend.

Speaker 9:

Yeah.

Speaker 8:

I could ask for just about anything.

Speaker 9:

Mm-hmm. For

Speaker 8:

Christmas. And my dad would get it.

Speaker 9:

Yeah.

Speaker 8:

For us.

Speaker 9:

Yeah.

Speaker 8:

Like, and we talked about it before. Nina was a absolutely beautiful house. Yeah. That, you know, it's still like, I wish we could, I could buy it back. How beautiful. It's this amazing house.

Speaker 9:

It was a gorgeous for sure.

Speaker 8:

But, um, I've also saw on the flip side of that, when things weren't going mm-hmm. Going great, especially during the 2008 crisis when mm-hmm. You know. That was wild. I remember us locking our Escalade in the garage and the repo man trying to find it.

Speaker 9:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 8:

Like I mm-hmm. I, I remember that. Yeah. I remember saying, Hey, we're not, we're not, we're not letting this car out now because we know times are a little bit harder now. We will wait and see, but we needed that vehicle

Speaker 9:

because

Speaker 8:

it was the only one that could fit all seven of us. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. So there was a lot of. You know,

Speaker 9:

so there was that where you learned resiliency from? Yeah. Both of your parents and first,

Speaker 8:

first with, with, with dad and then second hand with mom, like,

Speaker 9:

yeah,

Speaker 8:

she lost her house too. So I got a chance, like, uh, she lost her house. She worked for the, the state of Ohio. And,

Speaker 9:

and at one point she was working multiple jobs.

Speaker 8:

Yeah. Um, she, when she was working for the state of, of Ohio during that time. She was a, a manager, uh, like a team of around five to 10 ish people. Mm-hmm. And they were gonna lay off her whole division and keep her, and she took a pay cut mm-hmm. Where she, you know, took a third of what her normal salary was

Speaker 9:

Yeah.

Speaker 8:

So that her team could, could stay.

Speaker 9:

Mm-hmm. And then

Speaker 8:

she went and got a job working night shifts at bp.

Speaker 9:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 8:

And. That was like the dark ages, man. That was right. She used to come home with these subs,

Speaker 9:

like gas

Speaker 8:

station subs. Yeah, because she worked at the, she, she worked the, the, the deli spot. Yeah. And they were cool for like the first couple times you brought'em home. Like, these are awesome. And then after a while, like, and then you're like, okay, stop bringing your serious home. Kind

Speaker 9:

of getting burnout from that.

Speaker 8:

Yeah.

Speaker 9:

Yeah.

Speaker 8:

But I learned, I watched, yeah. I watched them both bounce back and, and, and come back strong on, on both sides and sides of

Speaker 9:

them, you know, from what I've heard. Like they both made sure that you guys had what you needed. Yeah. They both made sure, and I would say. Just'cause I've had like a lot of one-on-one conversations with your mom and been able to see like the things that she sacrificed in order to, you know, help you guys. Yeah. You and Ryan and the men that you both are today. You know, I think you have a lot of those characteristics of each of their resiliency, but also how your mom, because like primarily like a lot of your influence came from your mom. Yeah. Um,'cause that's where you were and. She just did a phenomenal job with, given the situation that she was in.

Speaker 8:

Yeah, those times, those were, uh, some crazy times, man.

Speaker 9:

So I have something else that I wanna talk about. Okay. Okay. Because when you come from a blended family like yours, yes. And from my viewpoint, when I came into your family, the biggest shocker to me was. Going to some family function maybe on your, probably on your mom's side. On my mom's side. And your dad showed up?

Speaker 8:

Yeah.

Speaker 9:

And I was like, whoa,

Speaker 8:

what's happening?

Speaker 9:

Why is your dad here? Wait, they're friends.

Speaker 8:

Yes.

Speaker 9:

Wait, so,

Speaker 13:

yeah, my parents were married for like four to five years, um, and they didn't work out as, as a married couple. But through that, all of that, they are still best friends, which is. You know, you don't hear that ever, like with baby mama drama. You know, you maybe hear that baby mamas become best friends, but you don't hear that the, the, the ex-husband and wife become just really good friends. I mean, the family reunions would come around and yeah, my dad would, my mom would invite my dad. My dad would come over.

Speaker 12:

Okay. And now let's fast forward to your mom, gets remarried.

Speaker 13:

My mom gets remarried. They go, they, uh, being the, the old gambling couple decide they want to get married in Vegas and. My mom invites my dad. My dad shows up. Of course he does. Why does he? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 12:

With bells,

Speaker 13:

yes,

Speaker 12:

bells and whistles, man celebrating. Yes. Just so happy for her.

Speaker 13:

Yes.

Speaker 12:

And then vice versa.

Speaker 13:

The flip side is my dad gets remarried a couple of years later. In Florida, and my mom and her husband, Roland are there.

Speaker 12:

Invited.

Speaker 13:

Invited. And Roland couldn't go.'cause of work.

Speaker 12:

Yes. But your mom came. Yes. Bells and whistles

Speaker 13:

and it's, it's

Speaker 12:

full celebration. It's everything of each other.

Speaker 13:

We do. Um, you know, we hosted, we hosted our Thanksgiving. Yeah, we hosted Thanksgiving and both my parents stayed here.

Speaker 12:

Yeah.

Speaker 13:

Yeah. Like that's, they're, yeah. They're just, they're cool with each other. Like, you know, they're, there's

Speaker 12:

no love lost. Yeah.

Speaker 13:

Which is, is is wild compared to what you mostly hear in relationships that Yeah. Don't end well.

Speaker 12:

Yeah. Um.

Speaker 13:

And And that's like you wanna talk about Sean. People are

Speaker 12:

struggling to co-parent. Yeah. And they're just co lifeing. They're co

Speaker 13:

lifeing. Cookouts,

Speaker 12:

cookouts, reunions. Christmas weddings. Christmas, Thanksgiving. Any holiday funeral, anything for your kids. It

Speaker 13:

don't matter what it is.

Speaker 12:

Abs asking about each other. Family. We're still in a group.

Speaker 13:

We're, we're in a family group chat. And they're in it. Yeah. Like together.

Speaker 12:

Yep.

Speaker 13:

Which is, it's, yeah. So shout out to mom and dad.

Speaker 12:

If you could tell your younger self one thing about family or faith, what would it be?

Speaker 13:

It's only gonna continue to get better. I never thought it was, it was bad, but I mean, we had a lot of, I would cherish those moments more.

Speaker 12:

So kind of flipping over to the faith side of things.

Speaker 13:

Mm-hmm. Wish we went to church more. That was my only, oh, I

Speaker 12:

was gonna ask a whole new question, but Okay. You wish you went to church more? More was, went to church.

Speaker 13:

I, I just really wish, we never really, I mean, we went to, we went to church. We went to church in Springfield, which was far like, why are we going two and a half hours? What we should have found, I should have talked to my dad into finding a church. Family here in town.

Speaker 12:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 13:

That would've been my only obvious. Why? Because we would, it'd been nice to go to church every week together and like when you're going to church and you're thinking, okay, we're driving, we're getting up at, at, you know, six o'clock in the morning. Mm-hmm. Driving two and a half hours to go to a Baptist church. That's gonna start at nine and end at two 30.

Speaker 12:

You're being generous.

Speaker 13:

I'm, when we get, we leave when the sun, sun is down and we come home when the sun is down, I'm out. What are we doing? Right. Um, so. That was my only things I wish I probably could have influenced him. Mm-hmm. Hey, listen, let's, you know, let's go to a church that's a little bit closer.

Speaker 12:

Yeah.

Speaker 13:

And you know, it's not a bad thing if we three, you know, three months at three, uh, visits out of the, out of the month, we go to the local church, then we go to the family church

Speaker 12:

mm-hmm. In

Speaker 13:

Springfield, Ohio. Mm-hmm. So, um, that's my only thing.

Speaker 12:

Where do you see God's hand in your story now that you're on the other side of it?

Speaker 13:

I didn't, I don't, didn't get caught. Shoting. I didn't get arrested.

Speaker 12:

Do you hear that, Ryan?

Speaker 13:

No, I'm kidding.

Speaker 12:

God was only looking out for Ian.

Speaker 13:

No, um, man, this, I mean, it's being true to, to me, uh, I understood like times I could, very easily could have when my, when Ryan asked about leaving. My mom's house moving with my dad, I very much so could have done the same thing.

Speaker 12:

Mm-hmm. But I

Speaker 13:

didn't, I, I felt a calling that I wasn't supposed to do that and I didn't.

Speaker 12:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 13:

Um, and I think that worked out'cause it led me to you. I don't know where life is with if I do that.

Speaker 12:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 13:

And, you know, I don't know what different schools are looking at me. Right. And, and where I go to school there, or if my right. My attitude towards school changes if I switch, if I switch schools at that time. Mm-hmm. So I am very much so believed that the Lord was like, nah bro, you don't need to do this. Mm-hmm. Like, you, you stay where exactly where you are. I have you lined up for different things in life for sure. Um, so yeah, that's probably the biggest one for me.

Speaker 12:

And if you were talking to somebody who grew up in a blended family mm-hmm. Who grew up. It was chaotic and yeah, cherish the stories. You know,

Speaker 13:

like seriously cherish the stories. Enjoy it, love. I mean, I mentioned it earlier. Every single one of my family members has my bag tattoo toed down. They gonna stand no business with us.

Speaker 12:

Oh, for sure. Even if you are dead wrong,

Speaker 13:

dead wrong, don't dare to anybody

Speaker 12:

else,

Speaker 13:

but they'll call me. But

Speaker 12:

they No, no. Like if you say something to, to somebody not in the circle Yeah. And you're dead wrong. They won't back me 10 toes down for you. And then later on they'll be like, nah, you were wrong. You are

Speaker 13:

wrong.

Speaker 12:

Like, that was actually not how it happened at all. Yes. Like whatever,

Speaker 13:

why you lying?

Speaker 12:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 13:

So. Yeah, that's, you're, you think you have a, you just have a brother or a sister that you got a buddy, you got four of them. Things like, I got homies.

Speaker 12:

Mm-hmm. Like,

Speaker 13:

and it's nice that, you know, we've all, we're in a spot now where, you know, my sister's not, she's in California. My little brother's in Florida and you know, the youngest sister's here and the, uh, older brother's here. And now I have a, a moment now because my son. His best friend is his cousin.

Speaker 12:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 13:

Is my oldest brother's. You son. Mm-hmm. And that's awesome.

Speaker 12:

Yeah.

Speaker 13:

And so, yeah. The best things that my dad told us when, when Raphael first moved in and his sister's, your brother. That's it.

And that's something that I honestly appreciate from both my parents. Um, I think learning from their decision to remain just such good friends have taught our siblings and, um, us how to love others as well as each other. And, uh, I just really appreciate that from both my parents.

Speaker 14:

is there anything else that you wanna add to this conversation?

Speaker 15:

I hope I ain't making you guys mad. I love you guys said No, I'm, listen. No, I, and I don't, I think I'm good, man. This, this episode's been chaotic.

Speaker 14:

All of our episodes are chaotic. Yeah. We're learning.

Speaker 15:

We learn.

Speaker 14:

We're l That's my favorite

Speaker 15:

saying for everything. Now what I'm learning,

Speaker 14:

I'm learning. I'm

Speaker 15:

learning, know I'm doing.

Speaker 14:

I don't know what I'm doing. Final thought. What do you got?

Speaker 15:

My final thought is you don't have to come from a perfect home in order to create a peaceful one.

Speaker 14:

Like it. Dust deep.

Speaker 15:

Fake sponsor of the

Speaker 14:

week. Fake sponsor of the week. Here we go. No, no, no,

Speaker 15:

no. I Hold on. I did fake sponsor by myself last week,

Speaker 14:

so it's my turn.

Speaker 15:

It is your turn to pick your fake sponsor of the week. Hashtag not sponsored.

Speaker 14:

Sponsor. Not sponsor. We are not sponsored by Starbucks.

Speaker 16:

Very small

Speaker 14:

because Ian so graciously. Mm-hmm. Went to Starbucks last week when I had laryngitis, could not talk. And he got the infamous medicine ball. I guess it's like this viral drink. Shout out Cass Cis in-law. She's the one that recommended it. Got it. Personally, I'm not a tea drinker. I'm, I like coffee, but you know, it wasn't bad. It tasted like medicine. I mean, hence the name Medicine Ball. And it worked. So I mean,

Speaker 15:

you can talk now. Yeah, I

Speaker 14:

can talk now. And I think that it did its job. So sponsored, not sponsored. Starbucks, shout out to your medicine ball. All right, so that wraps up.

Speaker 15:

Controlled chaos. Controlled

Speaker 14:

chaos. Where

Speaker 15:

are we at? Jazzy Jay?

Speaker 14:

Guys, if you're listening to this on YouTube. Comment, like, subscribe. If you're listening to us on Spotify or Apple Music, apple Podcast. Download the podcast and hit the review.

Speaker 15:

Share,

Speaker 14:

hit the review. Share with somebody that you know that would laugh.

Speaker 15:

Make fun of us. Either make

Speaker 14:

fun of us, relate to a blended family, and go back and check out some of our other podcasts. We've got an exciting one coming next week. Next week we're gonna be talking about relationships.

Speaker 16:

Yeah. Relationships.

Speaker 14:

Yeah. Adult relationships. Adult friendships. Mm-hmm. So we

Speaker 15:

made a new friend this week, didn't we? We did, yeah. Yeah. Shout out Gianna.

Speaker 14:

Hey. So we're gonna be talking about all of adult friendships next week on the pod, and every Sunday at noon you can tune in and check us out. So, hey, signing off is your internet best friends.

Speaker 15:

Who let us adult,

Speaker 14:

Hey, the ending's getting cleaner. Let's go.

Speaker 15:

We outlet my.