Making Friends In Your 30s Hits Different

Adult friendships hit different — especially when you’re married, raising kids, and everyone’s in a different life season.

We’re talking about what friendship looks like now vs. our 20s, how our circles have changed, friendship breakups + redemptions, and what it means to actually show up for people when life is full.

If you’ve been craving deeper friendships, trying to figure out how to stay connected in the chaos, or wondering why it all feels harder than it used to… yeah, we get it.

You’re not alone in this one. 

Enjoyed this episode? 🎧 Follow/subscribe so you don't miss the next one. And if you laughed (or felt seen), share it with a friend who's still figuring life out too.

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Transcript

Speaker 0:07

Bow Jacob. Wow. Wow. I don't know why I bow Jacob. Wild, wild at the beginning of that. But we're here baby.

Speaker 2 0:15

Welcome back.

Speaker 0:17

Episode six. Oh

Speaker 2 0:19

yeah.

Speaker 0:20

Who let us adult

Speaker 2 0:22

to let us adult in the house?

Speaker 0:24

In the house. You're your So, um, Jasmine.

Speaker 2 0:29

Hi honey.

Speaker 0:30

How was your week?

Speaker 2 0:31

It was great. How was your week?

Speaker 0:33

That was quick.

Speaker 2 0:34

Yeah.

Speaker 0:34

Too long. Quick but long at the same time.

Speaker 2 0:36

Yeah.

Speaker 0:36

Um,

Speaker 2 0:36

Halloween was a blast.

Speaker 0:38

Yeah, man. Getting the kids out to your sister's house and, uh, passed out Candy at her own house. Um, the kids looked adorable in their little costumes. Kai went as in as Scion in among us.

Speaker 2 0:49

Yeah. Video game character

Speaker 0:51

and Zuri went as Barbie.

Speaker 2 0:53

Yes. Super cute.

Speaker 0:55

And N went as a pumpkin.

Speaker 2 0:56

She's our little pumpkin.

Speaker 0:58

What do we go as?

Speaker 2 0:59

Six? Seven? Six,

Speaker 1:00

seven.

Speaker 2 1:01

And your nephew? You were on the call, you were on the SIBS group chat call. Ah, but your nephew apparently was like, they're grown adults. Like he was roasting us for going as six, seven. I'm like, there are much worse things we could have done than putting balloons on our back and doing six, seven.

Speaker 1:21

And really we weren't even doing it. We were really doing it to make fun of all those kids that

Speaker 2 1:25

were doing it. Not even, I don't, I wouldn't even say I was making fun of it. I think it's funny, I think like the funny part to me is that everyone says it and nobody knows what it means. What it means. Like everyone has nothing. Everyone has a different answer for what it means. Either are like, I don't know, or they're like, it means mid, or it's from a rap song, or it's from a basketball game. It

Speaker 1:48

originally is from a rap song.

Speaker 2 1:49

Okay. But,

Speaker 1:50

but

Speaker 2 1:50

that's not what everyone says. Ah, like nobody knows. Nobody knows. It's provocative.

Speaker 1:56

It's provocative. It

Speaker 2 1:59

doesn't. So your nephew thinks we're corn balls, which is totally fine. Yeah. I love that. And I will continue to You have we crossed that

Speaker 2:05

Rite of passage?

Speaker 2 2:05

Oh, 100%.

Speaker 2:07

Oh yes.

Speaker 2 2:07

Speaking of that, I was in the store with our children.

Speaker 2:10

Yep.

Speaker 2 2:11

Started dancing to the music.

Speaker 2:13

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 2:14

In the store. I was playing in the store. Oh yeah. Just, you know, doing a little shimmy, shimmy, shake, because

Speaker 2:17

now it's actual, like it's bangers

Speaker 2 2:19

now. No, it wasn't. It was Meyer. It wasn't, it was just like, sometimes Meyer plays bangers. I know. But it was just a cute little bop, right? Yeah. And Kai was embarrassed,

Speaker 2:29

like, stop dancing.

Speaker 2 2:30

Oh. He grabbed me, like physically wanted me to stop. Like he, I was just like, are you embarrassed? He was like, no, I just want you to stop. Then you're embarrassed. Right. Okay.

Speaker 2:41

Did you keep going?

Speaker 2 2:42

Oh, 100%. I'm doing this. Oh yeah.

Speaker 2:46

Oh, that is hilarious.

Speaker 2 2:47

Oh yeah. Missouri was cracking up. She thought it was funny. So she's at the age that she still thinks I'm funny.

Speaker 2:52

Yeah. Love that.

Speaker 2 2:53

Kai thinks I'm like funny. Not funny.

Speaker 2:55

Yeah, you're funny at home, not in public.

Speaker 2 2:57

Exactly. Yep. There it is. Love. That's right.

Speaker 3:00

What are we talking about today? On today the pod's

Speaker 2 3:03

episode is about adult friendships.

Speaker 3:05

Yes.

Speaker 2 3:07

This is gonna be good. I mean, this is good. I was really excited to talk about this.

Speaker 3:11

I love your notes on this.'cause it's like your one liner on here is perfect. Adult relationships are complicated. Because they're, uh, on one hand, you know, we, especially me and you make friends really easy. It's not like we, we joke and say we can get along with anybody, you know, whether or not you can get along with me, that's different. But on a plus side, most people typically get along with us. Yeah,

Speaker 2 3:35

yeah, yeah,

Speaker 3:35

yeah. And we have, um, we, and one of the things that we have done a phenomenal job with is how we manage our relationships with other people. People who,

Speaker 2 3:48

how, so I'm, I'm curious where you're going with that.

Speaker 3:50

Yeah. So, um, there's a multitude of different ways. Let's talk about the complicated side first.

Speaker 2 3:57

Okay.

Speaker 3:58

Um, so. We don't allow anybody to in, in, in between our marriage when it comes to anything. No. Like you, I don't care if it's your mom, my mom, you don't really have a

Speaker 2 4:10

friends

Speaker 4:11

best friends. Yeah. Acquaintances. You don't have a say in what goes on in Right. In, in this marriage. And that is, um, one of the things I think we kind of learned is we

Speaker 2 4:21

guard our marriage.

Speaker 4:21

Yeah. We learned this ironically at a very young age.

Speaker 2 4:25

Yeah.

Speaker 4:25

When we started dating, we, we, we had someone who, who tried to get in between our, uh, our relationship. Um, I wouldn't even say that they almost succeeded, but, um, I think we learned something

Speaker 2 4:37

mm-hmm.

Speaker 4:37

From that without realizing that we learned something. We, we did. And it's just never happened, you know, since that moment, what, gosh, 13, 14 years ago that, when that incident happened. But um,

Speaker 2 4:51

That was a learning experience because back then we were in college. You were living downtown on OSU campus, on OSU campus. You were

Speaker 5:01

living at INE campus

Speaker 2 5:02

and the roommates that you had, um, I mean, it was a college house. Yeah. It was a typical college house and it was a bunch of people that you didn't know. You guys were all kind of thrown together.

Speaker 5:13

Yeah. Like I look back, right? I can look back at that and go, man, that was, wow. That was a horrible decision, right? There were two people that I really barely knew that were like, Hey, we need a house. Really? They invited me because I was the only one that at the time was 21.

Speaker 2 5:25

Right. And they, yeah. Yeah. But, uh, we need you to get alcohol for them, which is crazy. Crazy, right? I mean, I,

Speaker 5:32

yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 5:34

We've all been there. We've all been there. Um. Not everybody, but we were heathens, uh, before we were saved, we were heathens. Right. That's just a full disclaimer, full disclosure here.

Speaker 5:43

Yeah.

Speaker 2 5:43

Um, we're not gonna act like we're, we've always been like sanctified and we're not even sanctified now like that. It's a ongoing and forever process, right. Of sanctification. So we're getting better.

Speaker 5:55

Yes. So I would say that we're

Speaker 2 5:57

learning.

Speaker 5:58

We're learning. So I would say that, uh, because of some of the lessons that we learned there, it's really kind of helped propel us into how we navigate relationships now. Mm-hmm. Even, um, we talked about a couple of episodes ago about our, uh, our time, um, in the network marketing industry um, we even learned a, some of the things that they taught us, kind of intertwined with some of the things that we learned as mm-hmm. As, um, young adults. And, um, it's really kind of shaped how we, we view friendships and relationships. Um, now,

Speaker 2 6:32

yeah,

Speaker 6:32

I mean, I, I'll let you talk on this. Like how would you, I mean, how, how do you view relationships? I wanna hear your point of view from it,

Speaker 2 6:42

the adult friendships. I mean, you said it perfectly that it's complicated, right? It's very complicated because life be, life in life, like you said in your

Speaker 6:53

Yeah.

Speaker 2 6:53

Solo episode. How do you make time?

Speaker 6:57

Right?

Speaker 2 6:58

How do you make time for people? And I think one thing is that I don't have to give. All of me, all of the time. I just, I don't have the capacity to do that because my family comes first.

Speaker 7:16

Yeah.

Speaker 2 7:16

And especially the more kids that you have, it's like your time and your mental capacity, your emotional capacity, relational capacity is tied up in the home. Right. It's like we're, we're juggling schedules. Your work schedule, you know, my schedule and the different things that I have going on, the kids' schedules.

Speaker 7:35

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 7:35

A newborn, well, she's not a newborn anymore, but, you know, an infant schedule. She's not, she's passed the Yeah. Um, an infant schedule. Right. A toddler, an 8-year-old, you know, school schedule, and then he's gonna start getting into extracurricular activities. Yeah. And, you know, um, you've got, we're going to Nashville tomorrow and their travel schedules. Um, and then incorporate hanging out with friends.

Speaker 8:00

Yeah.

Speaker 2 8:00

Let's go grab coffee. Mm-hmm. Let's go, let's have a play date. Let's do this, let's do that. Um, a lot of that. And then it's, it's like nurturing. Old friendships.

Speaker 8:09

Yeah.

Speaker 2 8:09

You know, the, the friends that you had in different seasons of your life. So friends that I had, you know, in grade school, elementary school, middle school, high school, college, and then friends as a young adult friends. I mean, we're still young adults now, but in this season of our life, married with children, with these friends,

Speaker 8:31

friends at a distance.

Speaker 2 8:32

Church friends.

Speaker 8:34

Yeah. College

Speaker 2 8:35

friends,

Speaker 8:35

high school friends. Yeah. And it's, it's funny you mentioned a lot of that, like having, I mean, really, it's kind of having grace with yourself of, of realizing like, Hey, listen, I can't be everywhere.

Speaker 2 8:46

I can't, yeah.

Speaker 8:47

Um, there are some relationships. I mean, I'll say this, like, my very best friend in this world outside of you, um, he lives in Florida, you know? Mm-hmm. And we're both, I mean, he's got two kids. We have three. It's, you know. Every couple of months. It's just, it's a FaceTime call from one of us calling each other and going, Hey, man, I haven't, I haven't talked to you in a while. How are you doing, man? Yeah. I'm like, you all right, brother? Like, it's, there is no animosity. Like, I genuinely forgot his birthday. One day I was like, oh man, I forgot his birthday. The next day I called, I was like, I'm so sorry. He goes, I'll good brother. You got three kids. I, I, I,

Speaker 2 9:21

right. And if the roles were reversed, you would've responded the exact same

Speaker 9:25

way? No, I'd be like, I'm so angry at you. Like, how dare you tell me you love me?

Speaker 2 9:31

Right. Buy me a beer. We're good, we're fine, and we're fine. We're fine. That's how, that's how my many, many, many of my friendships are now. But it wasn't always that way.

9:44

Yeah.

Speaker 2 9:44

And I actually see this a lot online

Speaker 9:48

really

Speaker 2 9:48

right now. Okay. Where people don't have that attitude towards friendships. Yeah. There is like, there's no grace. There's no grace. There's a huge sense of entitlement of, you know, um. Okay. Somebody, somebody forgot this or they, it's like you're, they're almost looking for them to do something wrong. Friendship. Looking for a reason.

Speaker 10:12

Yeah. Looking for a reason

Speaker 2 10:13

to just, yeah. To, and then like, taking that offense. And that was one thing that we learned a lot with the books that we read and the mentorship that we've gotten over the years was having, not having this spirit of offense on us. Like, every time somebody does something, it's not always intentional.

Speaker 10:29

Yeah.

Speaker 2 10:29

It's not personal,

Speaker 10:31

I mean

Speaker 2 10:31

Right. Like if somebody doesn't text you back, I used to be like, oh, well they're on their Instagram and they didn't text me back. I would get in my feelings. Like I sent her a text two days ago and she didn't respond back and she did this and she's on, so there she's not obligated.

Speaker 10:51

Right.

Speaker 2 10:51

She's not obligated to busy respond back to me. Sometimes. I've been there before where mentally responding to a text message and like starting up a text conversation is way different than just scrolling or posting a story on your Instagram.

Speaker 11:12

Yeah. Fair.

Speaker 2 11:14

So if somebody is texting me and it's like they need something from me, even if I'm physically not doing anything busy, sometimes I just don't. Want to answer the text right then. Mm-hmm. But that was like old me right now, A lot of times when somebody texts me, if I don't text you back right away, it's because I responded to you in my head. I totally saw your text and was like, oh yeah, da da. And then, you know, kids are crying, they're screaming, yeah. Something happened and I just like started moving on with my life. And then a week goes by and I'm like, I, I never, never actually set a text.

Speaker 11:50

The re the responding in your, in your head is so on par with me. I do that and I also do the, um,'cause I do everything entirely way too fast. Mm-hmm. It's one of the things that you always, you know, harp on me on for is slow down, but like I'll look at the text and then I'll actually type out the text mm-hmm. Of what I'm saying and I'll never hit send.

Speaker 2 12:10

Oh yeah,

Speaker 12:11

I am.

Speaker 2 12:12

There's been that too.

Speaker 12:12

So I'll open up a message and be like, there's a whole message here I didn't send.

Speaker 2 12:16

There's grace for that and. I see that missing a lot. Mm-hmm. When I see some of these conversations going on about adult friendships

Speaker 12:24

Yeah.

Speaker 2 12:24

Where they're like, you know, um, that person didn't respond back to me and just taking things personally and mm-hmm. Looking too much into somebody not responding. And not just not responding, but how somebody responds. You have taught me so much about texting

Speaker 12:44

away.

Speaker 2 12:44

I put all of my heart and soul into texting, exclamation points, hearts. Yeah. Like, you know, just, I'm showing you my emotion. Emotional sleep. It doesn't, it never comes across like it took me too many years. Wait,

Speaker 13:01

so how did I teach you?

Speaker 2 13:02

Because your texts are all lowercase. There's no punctuation. So like when I read your texts, I read it. Hi, honey. How are you? When I text because there's like an exclamation point and there's like a kissy face and hearts and all this. It's like, Hey, honey, how are you? You know, like, just so, and I've had, I even work when I was in the corporate space, I had to like tone down my emails. So at work it would be like, good afternoon. I hope this email finds you well. And I'd wanna put like an exclamation point. I hope this email finds you well. Nope. Period. I hope this email finds you well. Period.

Speaker 13:42

That's

Speaker 2 13:42

really

Speaker 13:42

funny.

Speaker 2 13:43

But on te like be, I don't know if anybody else thinks like that when they're reading.

Speaker 13:47

Not me. I mean, you know me, I'm, I'm just trying to get the message across and then move on. Just trying, Hey honey, how you doing? I

Speaker 2 13:54

love you. You, and you would've been the person when you sent me an email at work. I would be like, he's mad at me. So when you sent me a text, that's what I'm saying. What you taught me is that your text stop me. I was like, okay, I know him. I know how he talks. I know when he's excited about stuff, when he is not excited, when something, so like, if I'm like, misinterpreting what he's texting me. Yeah. Like I'll just go talk to you about it. But a lot of times, like I just stopped

Speaker 14:23

Yeah.

Speaker 2 14:24

Trying to read into your text, right? Like mm-hmm. He put dot, dot, dot, you know. Oh, there were three dots instead of just a period or, right. Well you never use a period, so,

Speaker 14:34

Nope. Punctuation zero.

Speaker 2 14:38

Right. So there's that. Like I, my text, they used to be way over the top. I've toned it down. They're not super bland, but they, if y'all would text me back in the day, it was like a thousand exclamation points, like

Speaker 14:54

full heart on the

Speaker 2 14:55

sleeve. And if somebody responded, if I gave all of that in a text and somebody responded. Without any punctuation. I was like, they're mad at me.

Speaker 15:03

They don't like

Speaker 2 15:03

me. They hate me. Don't they hate me? They don't like me.

Speaker 15:05

You're, you've overcome that now. Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 2 15:07

Oh, 100% for

Speaker 15:08

sure. So let's segue here,'cause you talked a little bit about giving grace. Um, obviously we know that, you know, we're all human. Not every relationship that we, um, we have, or we, or every person that we interact with is gonna be a good, good relationships. There are friendships that we have had over the years that have gone sour. I'll give an example. You know, they're, uh, one of a guy who used to be one of my absolute best friends in this world, um, did us dirty, like we were gone for a weekend. He was house sitting for us, taking care of our dog, and he threw a party in our house and then lied about it.

Speaker 2 15:46

Dang. We're going there.

Speaker 15:47

Yeah, we're going there.

Speaker 2 15:49

Okay. I, wow.

Speaker 15:51

And I. Remember coming back to our house and going, someone threw a party at our house and we asked him and he was like, nah, I ain't throw a party yet. All of the, like, the beer cans and everything were like in the, in the, in the trash can. And then everything in our fridge was like pushed to the, like, the right. It was like, bro, what? What? But that was kind of like, I'm not one to hold, like a grudge. I don't really hold grudges. Um, and um, that one was kind of like the last little final straw for me when I was like, listen, like maybe I need to let this friendship go.

Speaker 2 16:28

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 16:28

And like, there are something,

Speaker 2 16:29

because there was a, yeah, there was a level of disrespect. So that brings up actually a really good point about conflict within friendships, especially as an adult where you have this friend that you've been friends with for years. Yeah. And you consider to be one of your best friends. Best man in your wedding and there was a lot of conflict there. And how do you know when it's time to move on? Yeah. From a friendship, um, from me. And I know that one necessarily didn't like just full transparency. Like it didn't end on the best of terms.

Speaker 17:04

That took me some years to like, you know, get, you know, get right with God and like, alright, I forgive this person. I'm not going to go out of my way. Mm-hmm. And like, you know, acknowledge that person if I see him in public or not, but I'm not gonna say here and say that, that, you know, I hate this person.

Speaker 2 17:22

Right.

Speaker 17:22

You know what I mean? I, I, I just realized that, and, and this is an old saying that. Most people know. If you don't, then it's the first time hearing it great. But every person comes into your life for a, uh, a season, a reason, or a lifetime. Mm-hmm. It just happened to be that that person was in our lives for a season. So, uh, I don't wish you know any ill will from that, from that person. And one of the things that I've realized over the years, you know, is if I, you know, can help someone in any way, especially a friend

Speaker 2 17:55

mm-hmm.

Speaker 17:56

Better their life, and they continuously ignore me, and their life starts to go into chaos, I know that it's time for me to let that person like yell. Mm-hmm. Yell like, all right, listen, like I've on, on,

Speaker 2 18:09

you know, you know, it's time to let somebody go. When you try to give them solutions and alls they come to you is, is problems.

Speaker 18:19

Yeah.

Speaker 2 18:19

Over and over and over again. And they never take your advice. They're never willing to.

Speaker 18:26

And that's my advice if you are, if you're dealing with, with a friend that you love dearly, that you have tried your absolute hardest to help and they just seems like they're unhelpable or they just don't have any, uh, they don't show any signs of, of, of wanting that help let go,

Speaker 2 18:46

man, that's exhausting.

Speaker 18:47

It's not worth your, your energy um, yeah, there's, I mean, they talk, they talk about in the Bible, you know, Pharaoh having a hard and heart. Some people just have hard and hearts and need Yeah.

Speaker 2 18:57

Yeah.

Speaker 18:58

And need to be, be, be willing and ready for air for it to soften. It might be, you know, you know, it might mean that you need mm-hmm. To let that person go.

Speaker 2 19:09

Yeah.

Speaker 19:10

And, um, I'm not, I'm, I'm personally not gonna let somebody, um, crash my life down with their hurricane.

Speaker 2 19:17

For sure. Yeah.

Speaker 19:18

So I mean, I will, I can love someone from a distance. I'm the,

Speaker 2 19:22

from a distance,

Speaker 19:23

from a distance from deep bang. No.

Speaker 2 19:27

So that's a, I think that's a great example of mm-hmm. How we viewed friendships in our early twenties. Yeah. And I wanna add to that because I, man, I love people.

Speaker 19:44

Yeah.

Speaker 2 19:44

If you know me personally, you know that I love people. Like, I really do enjoy getting to know people and, um, hearing people's stories and connecting with them like on a deep level, especially just those one-on-one conversations. I, I just really enjoy it. And friendships to me, I think differ from your side of it.'cause when I have gone through those friendship breakups Yeah. Like, they've been hard.

Speaker 20:14

Well. And that kind of before you, you go into that.'cause it kind of goes into one of the next things I wanna

Speaker 2 20:19

talk about. Well, I wanna talk about, I wanna talk about in our early twenties, there's a, there's a point that I was making based on what you were saying.

Speaker 20:25

Okay.

Speaker 2 20:26

So in our early twenties, how I viewed friendships was, um, you know, everybody's my friend. Yeah. Every like, okay, we met one time, you're my friend. Right? Like we have, I have, this is my second, um, what Instagram, I think I like deleted a bunch of people off of Facebook because when you met somebody, you'd immediately add them on Facebook. Facebook, Facebook. Friends on Facebook, you talk one time for three seconds and probably incoherently. Yeah. Right? Like, you don't remember that. So many people, I look at their picture and I'm just like, I don't know who you are. Um, so that I viewed friendships as just like, I meet you, I talk to you, I like you from a very surface level point of view. I don't know your values, I don't know your beliefs. I don't know. How you treat people. All I know is that we were key keying for 30 minutes. Mm-hmm. And then we added each other on social media, and now we're friends. So in my early twenties, it was like everybody's my friends and I love people. And it made, um, some of those relationships that I had, like one, I was very immature.

Speaker 21:31

Yeah.

Speaker 2 21:31

And I had a lot of growing to do and I had a temper and I had, I, I had to process a lot of things. And as I grew up and looking back now, hindsight's 2020, I realized that those friendships, it was the split was not always one sided. Mm-hmm. As much as I wanted it to be. Right.

Speaker 21:54

You, you had some faults.

Speaker 2 21:55

Oh yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So there was a. A story, a meme I guess, that I shared

Speaker 22:05

mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 22:05

On my Instagram story. And it was, um, like maturing is realizing that you're also the problem.

Speaker 22:12

Mm.

Speaker 2 22:13

I'm growing and I'm learning daily. But that is one thing that I really pride myself on, is the woman I am today looking back at who I was in my twenties and I'm like, oh yeah, I was definitely the problem. I was mean, I was petty, you know? I did, I did. And said things. And not just in my twenties, but even in high school. Some of the things like, I'm not gonna sit here and act like I was this little victim. Like, you know, grew up in small town and people can be like, oh, you were the only black girl and one of the only black girls. I must have been so hard. Yeah. But I was mean sometimes. Because a lot of, and the saying is true, hurt people. Hurt people,

Speaker 22:52

right.

Speaker 2 22:52

So it's like I got my feelings hurt. So then I took that and went around and hurt somebody else's feelings, you know? And I said mean things and I joined in on that like mean girl culture. Yeah. And it's like when you are able to grow up and look at the big picture and be like, oh yeah, that wasn't cool. I was also the problem. Then you can get better. Yeah. And you can move on.

Speaker 23:18

You learn how to really nurture the relationships you have now.

Speaker 2 23:21

Yeah. So a lot of the, a earlier years, high school and early twenties, like my friendships were very surface level. And I still have some great friends, like from high school if I called them. And you know, we don't talk all the time, but if I call them or if I see them, we pick up like we never left off, which I think is really cool.

Speaker 23:43

Yeah.

Speaker 2 23:43

And I don't think people. Put enough stock into that, into those types of friendships that you don't have to talk to people every single day. Right. For them to be a friend. Like I used to be like, well, I, that person hasn't talked to me in six months, so I guess we're not friends anymore. Now in my thirties, I'm like, I don't care if we don't talk for a year. Like, and we pick up like, let's go. Come on.

Speaker 24:09

Talk about healed relationships and healed, and this is an area that I'm, I'm gonna be frank with you I would say that I haven't had a situation yet where I've like cut someone off. And we've kind reconnected gotten back together mm-hmm. And fixed that relationship. Um. I also will say that men, you know, men's relationships are vastly different than Oh, yeah. Women's, yeah. Um, you know, we, I mean, I could go five, like you just said, five years without talking to like my, my, my best friend and, and talk to'em the next day. And he'd be like, oh, we, it hasn't been five years, it's been, it's been two hours. You know what I mean? Like mm-hmm. That pickup is so easy. Um,

Speaker 2 24:53

yeah. And we and women have that too, but I get 100% what you're saying Yeah. About how our, how we, how we view relationships a little bit differently and treat our relationships a little bit differently. Because it's kind of like when you, let's say we're gonna use Josh, for example. Yeah. If you're talking to Josh one day and then you come to me and you're like, yeah, I caught up with Josh. And I'm like, oh, great. How are they doing? How's Jamie? How's this, how's that? No idea. How is that? It is like, Hey, how's, how's Jamie's such and such going, dunno,

Speaker 25:26

dunno.

Speaker 2 25:27

Okay. How's Jamie? Duh. Good. Dunno. Okay. How's Josh's new job going?

Speaker 25:32

He

Speaker 2 25:32

has job. You know, you don't get any details. No, and I'm like, what did y'all talk about for two hours? I don't know what

Speaker 25:39

best friend does for

25:39

work.

Speaker 2 25:42

So that is how men and women's relationships differ. Vastly different.'cause like I could meet, I, I've done it before ikea. I can think of that. This couple that we were talking to in Ikea, this woman, we walked away from that conversation. I knew her entire life story,

Speaker 26:04

not men. Homies could play, could play pick basketball, but just become friends just because of the fact that he

Speaker 2 26:09

basketball. And y'all never said three words to each other. You don't even know each other's name. Don't even know his name. After a year, you don't know each other's names.

Speaker 26:16

Blue shorts,

Speaker 2 26:18

blue short. It's, I can't wait. So

Speaker 26:22

I don't really have a lot of experience when it comes to healed relationships. Like I don't, but also

Speaker 2 26:26

like, because usually when friendships fizzle out, it's kind of just like,

Speaker 26:29

it's gone.

Speaker 2 26:30

Yeah.

Speaker 26:30

But also,

Speaker 2 26:31

that's what I was saying about how my friendships, like when there's breakups, it's like a, like it's a breakup, you know? And it's, it's hard. And it, I mourn those losses because those are people that I loved.

Speaker 26:43

Yeah.

Speaker 2 26:44

And when that friction happens, like it's, it's hard to navigate. And then there are other friendships that just slowly fizzled out.

Speaker 26:54

Yeah.

Speaker 2 26:54

It was like the flame, and that's okay. Just slowly. Right. That's okay. And there, but there was no big blow up. There was no like, I don't like this person. This, it was none of that. It was just, there's differences here. Mm-hmm. There we're spiritually not aligned. Yeah. We are, um, just on different path. Morally not aligned. We're on

Speaker 27:12

different paths. It's one of the many downsides of social media is you do get a chance to see some of the crazy, some people's

Speaker 2 27:18

Yeah.

Speaker 27:19

Highlights of people's lives. So you just kinda like, let it Yeah. Like you, you both slowly stop texting. Right. You slowly stop. You know, you might, she might unfollow you, you might unfollow her. I'm not into all that petty

Speaker 2 27:32

stuff. Yeah. I'm not either. And I'm not. I used to be.

Speaker 27:34

Yeah.

Speaker 2 27:34

And now we

Speaker 27:35

mute. Now the mute button's great.

Speaker 2 27:36

Right. The mute button is seriously amazing because it's,

Speaker 27:40

you're not using your mute button people. There

27:42

you

Speaker 2 27:42

go. I actually really like that feature.

Speaker 27:44

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 27:44

Because. Like I look back at people that when I was in that, like I'm being really petty. Yeah. I'm like, I'm gonna unfollow you because you said da, da da da, and I didn't like it. Right. I just think that's so petty.

Speaker 27:55

Yeah.

Speaker 2 27:55

Like, unless somebody's really doing something that you're just like, I, you know, don't wanna see your content. Maybe you don't even know the person. Right. You're like, I'm gonna unfollow you. I don't even know you in real life.

Speaker 28:07

Hmm. Perfect.

Speaker 2 28:08

But if you know somebody in real life and you go to their page and unfollow them because of something they said, I like, that's, to me, that's weird.

Speaker 28:18

Yeah.

Speaker 2 28:18

And I used to do that. I used to that all the time. I get into a fight with somebody and I'd be like, I'm, I'm follow you. That was like the thing right now there's the mute button and I'm like, man, like that's so much better. Because when there's healing in that relationship. I can go back and I'm like, oh, we're still,

Speaker 28:39

we're still connected.

Speaker 2 28:39

Yeah. But now it's like, oh, I unfollowed you.

Speaker 28:42

I have to, you

Speaker 2 28:43

have to go and I gotta rell you. It eliminates an

Speaker 28:45

entire, yeah.

Speaker 2 28:46

It's kind of like this awkward, like,

Speaker 28:48

and that's something that's like, no offense to, to, to you, but that's a lot of thing that like, men don't fight it over that.

Speaker 2 28:54

I know. I'm no offense taken.

Speaker 28:56

So, um, I know I have used this, this next thing we're gonna talk about a lot, um, when it comes to a lot of my close relationships with some of, of the guys that, you know, I link with, um, it's, you know, texts, it's, I don't have, I don't have an hour to talk, to, talk to you on the phone and, and get the full light recap. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 29:20

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 29:20

But what I can do is I can shoot a text out.

Speaker 2 29:23

I would gently push back on that.

Speaker 29:25

Me,

Speaker 2 29:26

yeah.

Speaker 29:27

Okay.

Speaker 2 29:27

Yeah.

Speaker 29:28

Talk to me

Speaker 2 29:28

because I'm cha I am, I've, I've felt that conviction and I've felt that recently

Speaker 29:35

to reach out. Just more to you to your,

Speaker 2 29:37

to more to people. Yeah. Um, and not saying that I don't have time because we can make time and. Yeah. If you don't have an hour, or maybe it's not, you don't have the hour, but maybe you don't wanna spend an hour on the phone talking to somebody, then being able to preface that, like I caught up with my friend, um, earlier today, grace, I love you. Shout out. Um, and she and I, we'll talk for hours and I love it. I literally love it, but sometimes we don't, neither of us have hours to talk.

Speaker 30:14

Yeah.

Speaker 2 30:15

So I called her'cause it was easier than just sending a text.'cause there was kind of a lot to get out Yeah. In the conversation. But it was a lot easier to do that in a five minute phone call than sending a text going back and forth. Getting distracted. Yeah. And three days later now you're, you know, resolving whatever question you had. So when I called her, you preface I can't talk long.

Speaker 30:40

Oh. I wanted to say hi. I love you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 30:44

Like, I'm about to do X, Y, Z.

Speaker 30:46

Yeah. I'm not doing preface. You were on my, on my mind thinking about you. Like for me it's like, and I, this is to all my dudes out there, you know? Um, I just wanna check with my boys.

Speaker 2 30:57

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 30:57

I sometimes we need, like, we don't get a lot of people who just call and check on us, like, let's be real.

Speaker 2 31:03

Well, I was calling her for a very specific, I had like, but I also do want to, and that's the difference between men and women, right? Yeah. Like, I do wanna call you and check in on you. Mm-hmm. You know? Um, if that's your relationship though, because sometimes a phone conversation isn't your relationship so,

Speaker 31:22

and so. Well I love this. My brother does this a lot. Um, and I appreciate it every single time he does it, but he'll just randomly once a month, just, you know, if we haven't talked in a while, just send a text. Love you. Proud of you. Hope you're doing well.

Speaker 2 31:33

I love that.

Speaker 31:34

That's, man, love you too, bro.

Speaker 2 31:37

And he also calls you.

Speaker 31:38

Yeah, but love you too, bro. Yeah. God, God, what are you doing, bro? Like, you know what I mean? Like, how are things going? Yeah. Like it always initiates a conversation and we always talk for mm-hmm. You know, maybe it's a quick five, 10 minute text. But same with, with, you know, Josh. Like, you know, we will both candidly just call each other just, Hey, checking in on you, see how you're doing. Then how's, how are the kids just, you know, it's more or less not focused on the family, it's more or less just focused on how are you doing.

Speaker 2 32:05

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 32:06

You know, we're both in kind of similar situations where we're the sole providers of our family. So we're, you know, we had that, the financial pressure, but we also, you know, have to be strong husbands and strong fathers for, you know, um, both our sons and daughters. So. Um, I recommend for any of the, the fellows that are listening here, I mean, check in with your, with your boys.

Speaker 2 32:28

Have you ever used the voice note feature? The voice memo?

Speaker 32:32

No. Oh, wait, wait. Which like the, like send a voice message like, Hey man, I, I have for work. I don't do it for, like, I'd be No, I'm, I'm not gonna say it's gonna be, it'd be weird if I just, I'm gonna do it now. Be like, Hey bruh, how you doing? I hope you're doing all right.

Speaker 2 32:47

I don't know. I don't know what it is. So I never initiate a voice message.

Speaker 32:55

But you always end up on one.

Speaker 2 32:57

No. So I never initiate.

32:59

Okay.

Speaker 2 33:00

If Chelsea, I'm gonna call Chelsea out. Chelsea is the queen of voice messages. The queen, she sends me voice me, and I love it because I'm able to listen. Like if I'm driving, I just hit play and I listen to her voice message and it's great. And she's so clear, concise, like. Like, it's good. Even if it's a five minute voice message, I'm just like, there's a point to it. Yeah. If I send you a five minute voice note, there's, there's nothing. It's rambling. And so I never initiate the voice messages. However, Chelsea will send me a voice message and I will send her back a voice message. A voice message. But if she sends me a text, I'll send her back a text. Like I never initiate a voice message. Like, that's funny. I don't know what it is. And then probably because I have to record it like five times because I'm like, I hit, it has to be perfect. Right. Literally I'm, so, I'm like, oh, well rambling there. Um, I've gotten better with Chelsea. She under, I'm, I'll say it in the voice message sometimes where I'm just like, I'm

Speaker 34:02

so sorry, is

Speaker 2 34:03

the fifth

Speaker 34:03

I've done this.

Speaker 2 34:04

So we're here. Um, and this is going on 15 minutes now, so I should have just called you.

Speaker 34:10

So

Speaker 2 34:10

yeah.

Speaker 34:11

Next.

Speaker 2 34:11

So you have options, right? Yeah. Voice notes. Um, thinking of you, texts,

Speaker 34:16

schedules, you can schedule now that with, if you have an iPhone now you can schedule all your texts. You, it, it sounds weird. I know.

Speaker 2 34:22

I,

Speaker 34:23

I don't

Speaker 2 34:23

like that.

Speaker 34:23

But you can if you know, Hey, listen, and I want to talk to so and so tomorrow, schedule a text to go out at 10:00 AM the next morning.

Speaker 2 34:30

Oh, like scheduling a time for you to send the text

Speaker 34:33

or No? You can, I can go into my phone right now and I

Speaker 2 34:37

don't like that.

Speaker 34:38

I can, I can send like a, like say I wanna send to Josh, be like, Hey man, I wanna talk to Josh tomorrow. Hey man, I can at midnight if, why don't you, if that person's thinking of, if I'm thinking of that person at midnight, but I don't wanna call him at midnight because it's late. Hey, listen, I can schedule a 10:00 AM text. Hey. Text person today.

Speaker 2 34:54

If I think of texting you at midnight, I'm texting you at midnight. You'll see it in the morning.

Speaker 34:58

Listen, it's an option.

Speaker 2 35:00

I feel like

35:00

there

Speaker 35:00

are

Speaker 2 35:00

some people, people out there like an extra step that I don't need you to,

Speaker 35:03

there are some people out there,

Speaker 2 35:05

I guess I'm not that, I'm not that type. I'm not type A whatsoever. I'm not. If you're analytical, I'm like, I'm just gonna, if I think of it, I'm gonna do it and then I'm gonna move on

Speaker 35:14

from

Speaker 2 35:14

it. Listen,

Speaker 35:15

it's not a bad thing. So there's some people out are like, schedule a text. It's not a bad idea. Anyway, I wanna talk about, um, navigating, and this is, we don't have to spend a lot of time on this, but navigating how, um, you handle relationships with the opposite sex.

Speaker 2 35:32

Oh,

Speaker 35:33

because we've been married for 10 years and together for almost 15 and um, I know some people find it a little bit weird how we navigate conversations with Yeah.

Speaker 2 35:44

Everyone, our relationships with,

Speaker 35:46

with the opposite sex.

Speaker 2 35:47

Everyone is so different on this. I think there's two camps. There's probably more camps, but

Speaker 35:53

two main ones.

Speaker 2 35:54

Two main ones. Um, the one camp being having, uh, you know, somebody of the opposite sex being your best friend.

Speaker 36:04

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 36:06

And then the other camp is, I don't agree with that. Like, I, I will never have a guy, best friend.

Speaker 36:13

Yeah.

Speaker 2 36:14

Um,

Speaker 36:15

likewise, I will never have a female best friend

Speaker 2 36:18

because you're my best friend. Yeah. Like, period.

Speaker 36:19

You're my best friend. Yee.

Speaker 2 36:21

Yeah. Um, and I will never share anything with another man because I'm always gonna share it with you. Mm-hmm. Like, I only wanna share it with you.

Speaker 36:32

Yeah.

Speaker 2 36:32

And it's not to say like, I do understand, we know people who have, who have that type of dynamic relation Dynamic Yeah. Where they're married and you know, they have a friend of the opposite sex and that's their best friend. Right. And there's no shade.

Speaker 36:50

Yeah.

Speaker 2 36:51

Like that. And I see how it works and I see that it's very healthy. I just, and it's not even that I'm insecure or that I'm like, oh, you can't have a female best friend. Because actually I take all of that back. I, I'm not insecure. I just don't want you having another female best friend because I'm your best friend. Period.

Speaker 37:15

That's fair, fair point. I like to, Just like to eliminate all doubt. Like I won't, I don't, I don't really, I mean outside of like work situations where I'm texting like my boss

Speaker 2 37:25

mm-hmm.

Speaker 37:25

I don't really text females.

Speaker 2 37:28

Yeah.

Speaker 37:29

Without you like on that? Like, I would, I mean, I did it with, with with Grace a couple weeks ago when we were working on figuring out how we wanna do the photo shoot. I'm texting Grace and Brian at the same time

Speaker 2 37:41

mm-hmm.

Speaker 37:41

In a group chat, like

Speaker 2 37:42

mm-hmm.

Speaker 37:42

Hey Grace.

Speaker 2 37:43

Yeah.

Speaker 37:44

Like, yada yada, yada yada. Like,

Speaker 2 37:45

When we were a part of our network marketing business mm-hmm. There was a common theme and encouragement if I were to text, um. My friend's husband to include my friend in on that conversation, or at least me from a respect, or at least you. Yeah. From a respect standpoint. And there are parts of that that I do heavily agree with. Yeah. And then there are other parts where I'm like, I just need to ask a question very quickly. Yeah. You know, there's nothing there, but

Speaker 38:19

you're, you're, and I understand that. Yeah. But you're also like, you're not gonna see me at 10 o'clock at night, curled up next to bed, going, I'm texting Ashley, like, I'm, I'm just not doing

Speaker 2 38:27

that. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, unless it's Ashley and Brandon. But if it's work, if it's work related and you're texting a woman that you work with mm-hmm. And it's just you two, like Yeah. Text her, call her, don't care.

Speaker 38:42

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 38:43

You know? When it, is she your best friend when it comes to

Speaker 38:46

navigating like friends? Like,

Speaker 2 38:47

I don't, is she your work wife? Absolutely not.

Speaker 38:51

Yeah. That phrase is wild. Yeah. If you have a work wife or a work husband.

Speaker 2 38:57

Mm. And that's like going into another route that's not adult friendships.

Speaker 39:00

Yes. Yes.

Speaker 2 39:00

Um,

Speaker 39:01

so let's, let's talk about how, you know, we talk about the circles. We, we all have friends that are all in different circles that all do different things. I mean, I've got friends that, you know, I play video games with and that's it. We only play, we only play games together. We don't, you know, go to the movies. We're not going to the beach together. I wouldn't go on vacation with some of these people. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. But I would purely play games with you.

Speaker 2 39:26

Yeah.

Speaker 39:26

You know, we have our, our church group. If, you know, it's sad

Speaker 2 39:31

or like faith, the, the, our friends that are like filling our spiritual cup for sure. Yes. Jeanie, is that Jeanie? Abby? I mean, they're heck are

Speaker 39:40

our pastors around the corner?

Speaker 2 39:41

Yeah. From our house. Yeah. Our pastors around the corner. Those are, they go into different categories as well. Right. But like having, like these spiritual friends mm-hmm. You know, grace Hasina, like those are my girls that I can really go to Yeah. And confide in and I know that they're going to fill me back up and that they're going to speak truth in love because we didn't, we haven't talked about this yet, that the accountability piece. Having friends that truly will hold you accountable.

Speaker 40:17

Chelsea, there you go.

Speaker 2 40:17

Yeah. Chelsea is included in that. Um,

Speaker 40:20

Blake for me,

Speaker 2 40:21

they truly hold you accountable. They're not the ones that will just tell you what you wanna hear. Right. So I don't think we really mentioned that where we were talking about how we viewed friends in our twenties. Yeah. And now how we view friends. Now we're friendships in our twenties, were surface level. Um, just maybe just more like go, I'm not even gonna say all of them were surface level. Yeah. Just more go with the flow type of friendships. They were very easy and just, but then like as we've gotten older, we've really had to like

Speaker 40:48

intentionality.

Speaker 2 40:48

Get real.

Speaker 40:49

Yeah.

Speaker 2 40:50

And like, I don't have time to be friends with people that just tell me what I want to hear

Speaker 40:58

what Drake say. No. Fake friends.

Speaker 2 40:59

Yeah. And just agree with me on everything. Right. And if I come to them about a situation, you know, they're like, yeah. Mm-hmm. Oh yeah, that person was so wrong. Da da dah. You're right. Da da dah.

Speaker 41:10

Here's one thing too. And I, um, being a married couple, and this might get, raise a lot of red flags for some people or might, you know, get under some people's skin. Um, I'm not a really huge component of hanging out with a lot of single friends, a lot being married, being, being married a lot. I don't like, I I I try to keep, uh, a circle of people who are in somewhat the same kind of, uh, same life or, what's the word? What's the, you know what I mean, in the same kind of sphere that we are right now.

Speaker 2 41:44

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 41:44

Um, so we can elevate each other. Like, I'm not saying that I'm just, I would never have any friends that are single. That's not true.

Speaker 2 41:50

Yeah.

Speaker 41:50

But I'm not.

Speaker 2 41:51

Yeah.'cause I have single friends Yeah. And I have friends without kids and,

Speaker 41:54

but I'm not ha like my core group of of friends are married. Yeah. They all have married, you know, most of them have at least one kid

Speaker 2 42:02

mm-hmm.

Speaker 42:03

If not multiple.

Speaker 2 42:04

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 42:04

You know, or about to have a kid like Right. It's, it's one of those things that like. You know, I want to hang around people who are in similar, like, the similar

Speaker 2 42:16

Yeah. Similar

Speaker 42:17

season life. Yeah.

Speaker 2 42:18

Stage and season of life. Mm-hmm. For sure. And, and it's funny too because, uh, I realize like some of our friends and that they're in their late thirties, early forties. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, huh, because we're getting way closer to 40 now. So it's, it just like surprises me sometimes when I'm talking to some of my friends and I like reminded, you know, that they're in their forties and I'm like, and we're friends. And we're like, but close, like, you know, like it's, I still like, mentally

Speaker 42:55

I feel 25

Speaker 2 42:55

still, right?

Speaker 42:56

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 42:57

So I'm like, well, I'm not hanging out with a bunch of 25 year olds. And especially because we had, I'm, we weren't like super young Yeah. When we had Kai, but I guess in the, like

Speaker 43:07

compared

Speaker 2 43:07

to from our friend group, we were

Speaker 43:09

now, nowadays that it, it's

Speaker 2 43:10

when Kai, but when Kai started school and then all the other parents Oh yeah. We were like,

Speaker 43:16

whoa, we are

Speaker 2 43:17

way, y'all are in your late thirties and we're

Speaker 43:21

barely

Speaker 2 43:21

26, 28.

Speaker 43:24

Yeah, we were, yeah.

Speaker 2 43:26

Yeah.

Speaker 43:27

Wild,

Speaker 2 43:28

crazy. So it was just like, oh, we were like one, some of the youngest parents.

Speaker 43:32

Yeah.

Speaker 2 43:33

So even now it's just, it's interesting having older friends and younger friends, but honestly, like you said at the beginning, gay people we can be friends with. I don't care.

Speaker 43:42

Just find anybody.

Speaker 2 43:42

We can be friends. I mean, some of our, one of our, if we lived closer, you know, Greg and Christie would be,

Speaker 43:48

oh yeah.

Speaker 2 43:48

We'd be over at their house all the time, route. Jesus. Like, they're like our best friends,

Speaker 43:52

right?

Speaker 2 43:52

We love them. They, and they're, and they're what? And they're, I'm not gonna say their age. But let's just say that they were our age when I met them when I was very little.

Speaker 44:01

Okay. One of the things I want to talk about is, um, green flags, you know, really quick.'cause we've talked a lot about, you know, married, you know, married friends and falling it out, out of, uh, of friendship with people. Oh,

Speaker 2 44:16

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Green flags. So

Speaker 44:20

what are you looking for when you're, you know, that's weird to say, like, choosing to take on a new friend, like, no, what do you, you know what I mean? Like you,

Speaker 2 44:31

did you see my story

Speaker 44:32

today?

Speaker 2 44:33

No, a few days ago.

Speaker 44:34

Yeah. About

Speaker 2 44:35

the, yeah, so I have people that responded. Okay. Um, to the green flag. To the green flag thing, and I wanted to share some of those responses. Mm-hmm. So friendship, green flags, I had, um, my cousins, uh, Amy said, not high maintenance, low key.

Speaker 44:53

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 44:53

Which I think as you get older, like friendships, like we've talked about, that can just go with the flow. Right. Like we're, if we're not, we are not talking every day.

Speaker 45:03

Yeah.

Speaker 2 45:03

And that's when I was in high school, I was like, you know, my best friends were the friends that I was talking to every single day.

Speaker 45:09

Right.

Speaker 2 45:09

But now, like, I have you, so I get to talk to you every single day. Um, so not being high maintenance and expecting, you know, just like it's all about you.

Speaker 45:20

Yeah.

Speaker 2 45:20

All the time. So just understanding that we have lives and everyone's busy and everyone is, you know, doing things and raising families or traveling or whatever, you know, going through loss or, or medical issues or whatever the case may be. And just. I guess figuring out how you can show up for people and not being the person that is like the high maintenance one.

Speaker 45:44

Right.

Speaker 2 45:45

Um, Tamara said check-ins when you're struggling. Yeah. So yeah. Somebody that's sending those texts. How you doing? No strings attached. Nothing else needed. Just how are you?

Speaker 45:57

Yeah.

Speaker 2 45:58

And I have gotten many of those messages from dear friends of mine, uh, who will ask that and they'll say, how are you doing? And if I'm like, yeah, kids are great, Ian's doing this and excited. And I give them, you know, this recap of everything. And then they'll stop and they'll, that's great. How are you, how are you and that man? Like, when you have friends that ask that question, it, it really changes things. I had another friend. Who said, grace said this, friends who meet you in the season.

Speaker 46:41

Mm.

Speaker 2 46:42

So I asked her to elaborate a little bit on it, and I think it's a lot about what we were talking about. Um, but what she was getting at is like being flexible and understanding that everyone may be in a different season. So asking them what would make them feel comfortable or if it would even be something they would want to do. Mm-hmm. Um, you know, before you, just, like before it was like, let's go out to eat or let's do this and let's do that. But it's like when somebody, one of your friends has kids dropping everything and just going out to eat may not be as easy as it once was. Right. Like just texting the group and being like, let's all go get brunch. Life looks different. Let's talk

Speaker 47:22

on vacation.

Speaker 2 47:23

Let's all, yeah, let's do a girls trip. Let's do this, let's do that. It's like, you have to just understand that people are in d different seasons now and, and see what works for them. What is their life like now? What does that, what, how can you show up for them I had a few people, but Kenzie, she said, uplifting each other and speaking life into one another on a regular basis. And Brianna said, knowing you don't have to clean your entire house for this friend to come over. I was like,

Speaker 47:53

free

Speaker 2 47:53

and then Brie, my friend Brie, she responded to it. She said to the what, what is a green flag? Friendship? And she just said, you aw. Am I a green flag? Friendship? Apparently you're, that's a lot of there. I was like, I'm honored. I feel honored that she said that. And I'm like, it's been years and years and years of healing and really like a self-awareness for when I was a red flag friend because I was at one point and I can admit that. And yeah, I've gotten better over the years. So that was super sweet that she said that. Is there anything you wanna add to that about that was, well no, I wanna hear what you, that was perfect from a guy's perspective. Green flag. What's a green flag? Friend for men? Because y'all don't care about what's going, y'all just talk.

Speaker 48:46

Do you know my name

Speaker 2 48:48

is that you said that wasn't, you said that wasn't a deal breaker.

Speaker 48:51

It's not, but it helps. A perfect thing to end with is when you're young, the whole world is your friend and you have, you know, the whole Facebook analogy where you have 5, 6, 7, 10,000 friends. And then as you get older, that group just gets smaller where you really just hope that you have a handful of quality friends.

Speaker 2 49:13

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 49:14

Um, and that is a hundred percent, I think, by design and just Okay. Mm-hmm. One, because we learn what a true friend is. Yeah. As we, as we get older. And two, we learn how to become a good friend. So, um.

Speaker 2 49:27

Yeah, because it's not about finding

Speaker 49:29

Yeah.

Speaker 2 49:29

Like, you don't find the friendships. You become, you become, and you practice and you get better there can be redemption, there can be conflict resolution. And not to shy away from that in those relationships because honestly, I say this all the time to, to my friends, especially as I'm getting to know them, and some of the heartbreak that I've had over the years and the, the come to Jesus moments that I've had is that. If we have gotten into a little bit of an argument or we get to that moment where like, we're bickering a little bit or something happens and I get on your nerves, or you get on my nerves and we can work through that, our friendship is gonna get stronger.

Speaker 50:11

Yep.

Speaker 2 50:13

If we can call that out and be like, ah, ooh, okay.

Speaker 50:16

It's, it's like putting, you know, when a flower is recovering, they put a piece of wood into it

Speaker 2 50:24

mm-hmm.

Speaker 50:24

And allow it to stand back up.

Speaker 2 50:26

Mm.

Speaker 50:26

And then you just nurture water. Oh, that's

Speaker 2 50:28

beautiful.

Speaker 50:28

Um, and that's really what friendships are. Yeah. Is can we survive when we've put that piece of wood into Yeah. Um, our relationship, um, and continue to nurture and grow. So

Speaker 2 50:41

yeah. Once you, once you come to terms with like the fact that you don't always like people

Speaker 50:48

Yeah.

Speaker 2 50:48

But you always love people

Speaker 50:51

comes easy.

Speaker 2 50:52

It's like you can get friendships become very easy like. I may not like how you said that. I may not like your decision. I may, you know, or I may just in a bad mood and you're, you're the target right now. You, you just happen to cross my path when I'm not in a good mood. But thank God that you're giving me grace, right? Like that's just having those friends that can meet you there and give you that grace is, I think is huge for adult friendships to last. This week's fake sponsor of the week. Sponsored, not sponsored is Dale Carnegie. How to Win Friends and Influence People Not Sponsored. Because that'll teach you how to, to navigate relationships and people. I was just gonna say Starbucks again, because like go buy your friend a coffee.

Speaker 51:45

Yeah. Or give'em how to win friends and influence people.

Speaker 2 51:50

Okay.

Speaker 51:51

That's funny. I don't know why. That's really funny.

Speaker 2 51:53

Yeah. And wrapping up,

Speaker 51:56

if this episode encouraged you and, uh, made you feel seen, it would mean the world to us. If you would like, comment, uh, on YouTube, Spotify, wherever you're listening to this podcast on, uh, give us feedback. We'd love it. Um, tell us your story of a friend that you reconnected with we'd love to hear it all.

Speaker 2 52:15

That wraps up who let us adult, adult friendships. We could talk for another hour about this. Definitely. Oh man. We have lots and lots of examples and stories of. Friendships. Yes. Um, but if you felt seen, if you liked this episode, share it with somebody. And if you're watching us on YouTube, like, comment, subscribe, um, let us know where you're watching us from. And if you're listening to this on Spotify or on Apple Podcast, leave us a review. We, that would mean the world to us. If you would leave a review and help other people find our show and, you know, help us keep going.

Speaker 52:52

Follow us on TikTok and Instagram at who Led Us Adult

Speaker 2 52:56

Pod on Instagram.

Speaker 52:58

Leave your comment there.

Speaker 2 52:59

Yeah. So here we are, signing off as your internet. Best friends,

Speaker 53:03

internet besties.

Speaker 2 53:04

Hey, this is who led us adult,

Speaker 53:05

who let us adult. Week six. Bye. See you next week. We have no idea what's coming Next week. There's something.

Speaker 2 53:12

Bye

Speaker 53:13

bye. We're gonna go drive to Nashville in a few hours.

Speaker 2 53:16

Bye. Thanks for being here. We're getting better at that.