Learning Out Loud
Learning Out Loud is where bold faith meets real growth. Hosted by Holly — a wife, mom, and woman learning to walk with God one step at a time — this podcast is raw, real, and rooted in truth.
You won’t find watered-down messages here. Each episode is a journey of repentance, spiritual maturity, and learning straight from God’s Word, shared with honesty and heart. Sometimes it’s personal testimony, sometimes it’s a hard truth we all need to hear, and sometimes it’s a conversation with guests who’ve been through the fire and come out praising God.
If you’re hungry to grow in your faith, ready to be challenged, and open to learning right alongside me, welcome. Let’s learn out loud together.
Learning Out Loud
when church hurts
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After a few months away, I'm back. I'm back not because I have all the answers but because God has been teaching me through a difficult season. In this episode, i share honestly about church hurt, spiritual drift, and what God has been revealing in my own heart.
Hey everyone, welcome back to Learning Out Loud. It's been quite a few months since my last episode. I wish I could say I took a break because I was busy, but honestly, I just couldn't bring myself to record. Church has been hard, life has been hard, and I've been honest, my walk with God hasn't looked the way I wanted to either. I didn't want to get behind the microphone and pretend everything was okay when it wasn't. So today I just want to be honest. Not because I've everything figured out, but because I'm learning too. One thing I've really told anyone is that I stopped reading my Bible consistently. I started Bible journaling and I loved it. I was excited, I was writing notes, highlighting verses, really slowing down and joining the scripture. I made it all the way to Job. And then I just stopped. Not because I quit believing, not because I was mad at God. I just drifted. And I wonder how many of us do that. We don't wake up one day and decide to walk away from God. We just slowly stop doing the things that keep us close to him. And then I didn't have anything to say because the closer you are to God, the closer he is to you. I wasn't getting messages on my heart. I wasn't just getting anything that would stick with me that I felt like I needed to talk about because I stopped learning. Maybe you're there right now. If you are, I want you to know you're not alone. A big part of my struggle has honestly been church. Now before I go any further, this episode isn't about calling out my church. Every church has imperfect people because every church is full of sinners. We're being changed by Jesus. That's including me. But I've been hurt. I've been frustrated, I've cried, I've questioned things, and somewhere along the way I realized I've talked to a lot of people who have been hurt by church. Some of them never even went back, and that breaks my heart. I've asked myself that question, why do people leave? Sometimes it's because they've been deeply wounded, sometimes because trust was broken, sometimes because they expected the church to be something only Jesus can be. People will fail us, pastors will fail us, leaders will fail us, friends will fail us, but Jesus never will. And that has become my anchor. As I was praying through everything, God started showing me something. I spent a lot of time thinking about how other people should change. Communication should be better, people should forgive, people should listen, people should, people should. Then quietly, God asked me, What am I trying to change in you? And of course that question humbled me. Because it's so much easier to see everyone else's flaws than my own. Right now, our church, we've had several people come and talk about unity. And it's very important. Every church needs unity. It what keeps it functioning, we're one body, and if one body part's gone, it's not going to function as a bullet. But unity isn't pretending. Unity isn't smiling while bitterness grows underneath. Biblical unity requires truth. It requires love. Sometimes it requires hard conversations. Sometimes it requires saying, I was wrong. Sometimes it requires saying, I forgive you. That's real unity. Not fake peace, real peace. One verse I keep coming back to is where Jesus says, I will build my church. Not Holly, not a pastor, not a board, Jesus. And sometimes I forget that. I start carrying burdens that belong to him. I start thinking it's my job to fix everything. And it isn't. It's my job to love him, serve him, pray, and be faithful. And people have asked me before why I stay. Honestly, sometimes I don't know either. But I know that when I'm there, Jesus is there. People have hurt me and Jesus hasn't. The church has disappointed me. Jesus hasn't. If I leave Jesus because people failed me, then I've made people bigger than Jesus. And I'll never do that. Maybe you're listening to the drifted too. Maybe your Bible has dust on it. Maybe your prayer life has become quiet. Maybe church has hurt you. Can I encourage you? Don't wait until you feel like starting again. Just start. Open your Bible. Read one chapter. Pray one prayer. Take one step. Because God's mercy isn't waiting for you to become perfect. It's waiting for you to come home. I'm not recording this because I've arrived. I'm recording this because I'm beginning again. I'm opening my Bible again. I'm asking God to change my heart again. And if you're in that place too, I'd love for you to come with me. Let's keep learning out loud. Thank you for listening. I'll see you next time. Learn out loud together.