Overcoming the Silent Damage of People Pleasing with Myrtle Mangrioti

Episode 044 — Overcoming the Silent Damage of People Pleasing with Myrtle Mangrioti

People pleasing can look like kindness on the outside—being helpful, dependable, accommodating, “easy to be around.” But underneath, it can quietly drain your energy, erode your confidence, and disconnect you from your own truth. In this episode of Overcoming Anything, host Anne Vryonides sits down with Myrtle Mangrioti to unpack what people pleasing really costs over time—and how you begin coming back home to yourself.

Myrtle Mangrioti is an expert who helps people break free from people pleasing and reconnect with their truth so they can live with more authenticity, self-trust, and clarity. She shares her personal turning point—panic attacks, burnout, and the moment she realized she didn’t recognize herself anymore—and the practical, compassionate steps that helped her rebuild her identity and create a life she actually loves.

Key Takeaways
• People pleasing is often rooted in self-worth: chasing external validation to feel “enough”
• The damage is silent but real: chronic stress, identity loss, resentment, and emotional disconnection
• Change happens through baby steps: one honest “no,” one true “yes” to yourself, and consistent self-kindness

Timestamps
• 00:00 — Introduction: the silent damage of people pleasing
• 02:10 — Myrtle’s mantra: “This too shall pass”
• 05:00 — Why people please: self-worth, safety, and the need for external validation
• 09:00 — Why we keep doing it even when it hurts: autopilot, fear, and the craving to feel loved
• 12:30 — Myrtle’s wake-up call: burnout, skin rashes, panic attack, and “Who am I?”
• 17:00 — The turning point: choosing self-care (and releasing the belief that it’s selfish)
• 22:00 — Loneliness after burnout: when you don’t know what you like anymore
• 26:00 — Starting from what you don’t want: the fastest way to find what you do want
• 30:00 — Why authenticity matters: obligation drains energy, truth restores it
• 34:00 — Why we settle for comfort: familiar isn’t the same as safe
• 38:00 — Boundaries and backlash: what happens when people can’t accept the new you
• 42:00 — Guilt: why it helps before a decision but hurts after it
• 46:00 — Rebuilding self-trust: baby steps + “word of the year” (authenticity)
• 50:00 — Rest as self-love: permission to pause without guilt
• 54:00 — Practical reframe: enjoy the pizza, enjoy the rest—without guilt
• 58:00 — Book recommendation + final truth: “You are good enough as you are”

Connect with Myrtle Mangrioti
• Website | Instagram | Facebook  LinkedIn | YouTube

Resources
• As I Am — From Self-Doubt to Presence, Peace and Joy by Myrtle Mangrioti, https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H3N9S6P9
• The Success Principles by Jack Canfield, https://a.co/d/07qpK6Ta
• Free Gift — Life Balance Quiz: https://bit.ly/LifeAsAPizzaQuiz

If this episode helped you, share it with someone who’s exhausted from shape-shifting, over-giving, and carrying everyone else’s emotions—because there is a way out, and it starts with one decision. 

I’ll see you next time on Overcoming Anything.
 ❤️ Anne

Disclaimer
The content of this episode is for informational and inspirational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy, diagnosis, legal, or medical care.

#overcominganything #midlifetransformations #energyhealing #resilience #peoplepleasing #boundaries #selfworth #selftrust #authenticity #selfcare #burnoutrecovery #emotionalhealing #nervoussystemregulation #healingjourney #personaldevelopment #selfimprovement #mindsetshift #confidence #innerpeace #gratitude #overcomingadversity #womenempowerment #lifetransitions #podcast #podcastlife #podcastcommunity #podcasthost

Transcript

Speaker 0:00

Welcome to Overcoming Anything, the podcast where we dive deep into stories of resilience, transformation, and growth. I'm your host, Anne, and today we have an incredible guest who's going to talk about overcoming the silent damage of people pleasing. Can't wait. I'll relate here. So today's conversation is for the listener whose looks strong on the outside, holds it all together, and keeps showing up for everyone else. But deep down inside, they feel tired, disconnected, and maybe even a little lost. Inside their own life. We're talking about the silent damage of people pleasing, what it costs over time, and how you find your way back to yourselves and back to joy. So joining me today is Myrtle Manti. She is an expert that helps people break free from people pleasing and reconnect with their truth so they can lead lives that they love and make decisions with more authenticity, self-trust, and clarity. So welcome to the show, Marle.

Speaker 2 0:54

Hi, Ann. I'm so grateful and so happy to be here and, yeah, I'm really excited about our talk today.

Speaker 1:01

It's a pleasure to have you. And she's coming all the way from Greece. How exciting. So, before we dive in, I love to ask, what's one quote or mantra that keeps you going in tough times?

Speaker 2 1:10

It is, these two shall pass.

Speaker 1:13

Oh yes.

Speaker 2 1:13

I, because even when we are at our darkest, you, nothing stays the same. Everything changes. Even the good, but most importantly the bad. So just re, I keep reminding myself that this is just a stage and if I keep from moving and doing what I need to do, then things will change.

Speaker 1:32

I love that. And I think this conversation is gonna hit so many people. With this burden that they quietly carry that they people please. So why do people, please, why are we looking to please other people?

Speaker 2 1:45

I think, I believe that, it is a lack of self-worth. Which is very deep. Most people don't realize they all, most people feel that they are not enough at some point. And then we try to seek, and I'm saying we, because, I am, I was like that. I'm still fighting, I'm a not a hundred percent there, but much better a lot there. So we try to seek external validation to feel worthy. We feel that, by pleasing others, we will get the love and the validation that we are looking for.

Speaker 2:18

Wow, that really hit home. I'm sure for a lot of people listening, and I think we've all been guilty of this at some point in our lives, where maybe we're in a relationship or maybe with a parent or maybe with a boss, that we were craving that validation from someone else and we just needed to hear those kind words or that message of love or acceptance, and we just did whatever. It took to get it. So why do so many of us keep people pleasing, even we, when we know it's hurting us?

Speaker 2 2:47

It's a very hard, habit to, to break it. It's also. Even though so many times we know things that they're bad for us, but we cannot help it. What is, so what we need to feel this, this validation. We need to feel loved. Everybody needs to feel loved. Everybody needs to feel safe. Everybody needs to feel worthy. So we keep doing that because we continue to try to find this from other people. The, this only stops if we start trusting and, ourselves believing ourselves and believing in our own self-worth no matter how. We have very high expectations.

Speaker 3:26

Yes, we do.

Speaker 2 3:27

And we also continue, you, we always in, at the time of social media, we look at other people and believe that everybody's perfect, except from us.

Speaker 3:35

Yes, so true.

Speaker 2 3:36

So we try to convince other people, and most importantly ourselves, that we are good enough. So we continue to do that. It, for me, it was a not on, it, it wasn't something that I was doing consciously. That's another thing. We don't consciously do it. Maybe we say, yes, we people please, but it's something that comes naturally. So in order to stop it, you need to be aware. You need to catch yourself to, to make a decision that yes, I want to change this and do it.

Speaker 4:01

So how did you create that awareness within yourself?

Speaker 2 4:04

I had to learn the very hard way. For me, as I say, it took me half a century to realize that I was unhappy in every area of my life.

Speaker 4:12

Wow.

Speaker 2 4:13

And I I was running a family business that, I just said yes to please my brother and my family. And I continued doing that even though it wasn't something that I ever wanted to do and I didn't realize I was doing it. I was in my head, I was saying, oh yeah, this is, this is natural. This is, I was working 15 hours a day, 16 hours a day. I was, I started gaining weight. I started, having, skin rashes all over my body because was telling me something is wrong. I became, I couldn't recognize myself in the mirror. And then after five years of that. I had a panic attack and this made me stop and think for the first time in the 50 years of my life, the 49 years of my life. And I said, I need to do something. What am I doing? Who am I? I didn't know who I was, so I made one. I made the decision that day, that unless I change, I will end up in the hospital. With something more serious than, skin rashes and panic attacks, and I said, I, it was imposed on me.

Speaker 5:15

Yes. God's you're not listening to me. You're not slowing down. So let me just hit the brakes really hard. And so you were just, you got that whiplash. So then what did you do? Did you just quit the business or did you just go on vacation and to try and find yourself again? Or what was your process?

Speaker 2 5:32

My process was, first of all, it's. When I think back of that was nine, almost nine years ago to the date.

Speaker 5:39

Wow. What a coincidence. Right.

Speaker 2 5:40

So, the interesting thing is that I wasn't aware, and that's what happens to many people who are people pleasers. We do it so automatically that we don't know that we are there. We, our lives move on autopilot. And we just keep moving un until something really bad happens. Something that really, so for me, it was, I need to change. I, the decision is I need to change. And then I started taking courses, and, I created my first goal. I, and I said, I need to take care of myself now.

Speaker 6:15

Oh, beautiful.

Speaker 2 6:15

And that's not selfish.

Speaker 6:17

Yes.

Speaker 2 6:17

We believe that this is selfish. Most people pleasers also have the idea that they are going to disappoint somebody else.

Speaker 6:24

Yes,

Speaker 2 6:25

and taking care of themselves is selfish, which is not, because what I want to say is that if you don't care of yourself first, you cannot take care of anybody else.

Speaker 6:35

And so how did, because you were in a family business, how did your family to respond? Because if you had always been a people pleaser, they're like, oh yeah, we can just give Myrtle more work and she can take this on. And then all of a sudden you're like, whoa, I come first. I'm gonna take care of myself. So how did they respond to the, to that? Initially

Speaker 2 6:53

they were, no, they were very supportive. Excellent, but my, in my head before telling them I was dreading it because it wasn't just the people pleasing. People pleasing because it is about self-worth. In the end, I felt like a failure.

Speaker 7:07

Mm-hmm. I'm

Speaker 2 7:08

sorry I failed because the business was not doing well. And I felt like a failure. So the worst thing for me was that, and my family were supportive. Everyone was supportive, but I couldn't, it's, I realized it, but I still felt lonely.

Speaker 7:22

And so how did you overcome that loneliness that you were feeling inside yourself?

Speaker 2 7:27

It took time. At that point, I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what made me happy. If you ask me nine years ago, what do you like doing? I had no clue. Nothing. I couldn't tell you anything. We, the only thing I liked was coming back home, eating and watching Netflix because, and it wasn't something that I really liked. It was a, just something that took my mind off of my problems. It was numbing myself with food and tv.

Speaker 7:54

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 7:55

So the first thing that I, one of the first things that I did was, gratitude, learning to be grateful because it was one of the first things that I read. If you want to create something in your life and change your life, the first thing that you need to do is be grateful for what you have now, and I wasn't grateful. I couldn't find one thing to be grateful for my mindset. My mind wa was in such a bad place that I couldn't find one thing. Which is another thing that it's really scary and I can get how people can be there and I know my life wasn't that bad.

Speaker 8:26

So did you always feel that way or what got you to that point where you felt that you had to, numb out with the food and the Netflix and that you didn't know who you were anymore?

Speaker 2 8:36

It was during the period I was running the family business because, the, during that time I slowly got into that state. I didn't realize I was there. I didn't realize what I was doing, but the panic attack was the thing that just stopped me. Then I had to look back at my life and realize what I've been doing on my, all my life, my relationships, especially with men. Were always like that. I always tried to be somebody else who I thought they wanted. So I was like a chameleon. And I became, and then after a few months, or I became tired and they didn't, they never knew who they were with.

Speaker 9:13

Oh, I think that resonates with so many listeners. I think so many people can relate to that. Like you could be young and you have these dreams, and then you get this dream job and you work, work, work, work, work, and you prove yourself because you wanna be amazing and you wanna be a millionaire. Then you meet someone and you're in a relationship and you just keep giving and giving and working so hard, and then all of a sudden you lose yourself. You wake up and you're just like, what makes me happy? And I think so many people can relate to that.

Speaker 2 9:42

Yeah. And it's very scary not to know what you like because, when I started I'm okay, set a goal. What's its goal? I had no idea the, so I started, so just a friendly, what I did was I started from what I knew I didn't want,

Speaker 9:58

Ooh, I like that, Alyssa. This is what I don't want. So then you can figure out what you do want.

Speaker 2 10:02

Exactly. So you start from what you don't want in your life. Because you know what you don't want in your life. You don't want to be miserable. I knew I didn't want that business. I knew I, I didn't want to be afraid to look at my bank account because it wasn't, it was scary. I knew I didn't want to be lonely and alone and feel lonely, so I knew, so I started there. And then I started with gratitude. So I built my, so my first ever goal was to shut down the business, even when everybody was telling me that it would be impossible, in, especially in Greece with the bureaucracy.

Speaker 10:37

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 10:37

I had set a goal to, to shut it down in eight months. But what happens, is that when you start with one decision. You have your goal there with a deadline you don't know. The truth is that you don't know how you're going to get there, but as soon as you start and you set the intention, slowly things start happening. So the most important thing is, to decide what you want or what you don't want.

Speaker 11:00

Mm-hmm. Yes, I like that.

Speaker 2 11:01

And take the first step.

Speaker 11:03

Yes.

Speaker 2 11:03

And it's one step after another. Yes. Taking one step after another. And what I want to say is that there is always a way out, even when we think that there isn't. I didn't believe that there was a way out. I really didn't.

Speaker 11:15

Wow. If you can do it, our listeners can do this too. So how do you know when you're being loving and generous to the people around you versus betraying yourself?

Speaker 2 11:25

I think that when you are not, when you are betraying yourself, you are betraying everyone because you know you cannot be a hundred percent there when you're doing something out of obligation.

Speaker 11:36

Mm-hmm. Yes.

Speaker 2 11:36

You are pretending so you are not actually loving. When, so when you are true to yourself, you know, don't you like when people are authentic and you say, oh, this person is a little bit, grumpy, but they're authentic because, and I always know where I stand with them, so I prefer that. Then somebody who say, hi, how are you? You look great. You're great. You're fantastic.

Speaker 12:00

Yeah,

Speaker 2 12:00

I prefer the other person who one, one day might not speak to you, and the other one will be the next day he will be. Oh, wow. So good to see, that. That's true.

Speaker 12:08

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because

Speaker 2 12:09

I prefer that. I prefer, so I prefer authenticity over, and that was the one thing that I vowed to do, to be. Authentic, and it's not easy when you're a people pleaser. It's really hard to do, and it took me years

Speaker 12:24

mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 12:24

To do it.

Speaker 12:25

So how did the people pleasing eventually erode your confidence, your identity, and your happiness over time?

Speaker 2 12:33

Because I, I did the, it's people pleasing, gets you to, take, make the wrong choices.

Speaker 12:40

Yeah.

Speaker 2 12:40

So you just make the wrong choices because you don't make them, out of your heart.

Speaker 12:45

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 12:45

But they are, out of your head and they're about. Something that is completely outside of you. So you are bound to end at a place in your life where you are unhappy. And the problem is that so many people think that's okay, but it's not.

Speaker 13:01

Yes. That brings up a really important question. Yeah. Why? Why do we settle for comfort instead of going for what we really want in life? Why do we fear that so much?

Speaker 2 13:12

Because I think that we are, we are, wired to, to, to towards safety. Anything that, everything that is, a change is, doesn't feel safe.

Speaker 13:21

So

Speaker 2 13:21

true. So we are, yeah. So we are wired to feel safe even if, what we think is safe isn't actually safe. It's familiar.

Speaker 13:28

Yeah. Yes,

Speaker 2 13:29

You can be living with somebody who is abusive and not go away. Not leave because this is what fam it's familiar to you. And the other option is you feel or you think that it will be even worse because you don't know about it and your brain is telling you that maybe this is not safe.

Speaker 13:47

So how do people please or create that safety within themselves so they don't fear the backlash of. When they stopped or when they begin to stop people pleasing and stop trying to take care of everyone else.

Speaker 2 14:00

It's baby steps. It's not easy. I'm not going to say that I have the magic cure of, stop people pleasing today. You just start with very small steps and you build your confidence. So you just, you say one no to something easy. You say one yes to yourself, to something that is easy. Give yourself 10 minutes a day, something maybe you are not doing even that in your life. You, you don't have 10 minutes for yourself. Then you can just do that. Five minutes. Have a coffee or a tea by yourself and say, I'm going to spend this five minutes, 10 minutes a day for me. If you've never done that, this is a huge thing.

Speaker 14:37

Yes,

Speaker 2 14:38

but for, for other people, this is, oh, of course I do that, but it depends. So take the first small step towards doing something just for you and as you start doing that, then. You, your corn zone grows.

Speaker 14:54

Yes.

Speaker 2 14:55

So instead of being that it grows and then you can do more things. And at some point you will realize that you're not going to die if you say no or if you, and it's not the end of the world. And even if you, some people, if you don't displease some people, that's fine too.

Speaker 15:11

So once someone's started to build that safety in themselves and they're starting to feel more confident and then they basically put up boundaries with the people around 'em, how do you suggest that they hold them when other people try to railroad 'em? If people have always been taking advantage of their, them being so nice, do you have any advice for boundaries to hold that.

Speaker 2 15:32

I think that, some people may even walk away from your life.

Speaker 15:36

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 15:36

And you have to also be ready for that. But if somebody really loves you, the one thing that we need to always remember is that love is unconditional and love is also, accepting the other person as they are. If other people cannot accept you, for you, for your wishes and for who you truly are, maybe they're not worth your time or your effort or your love.

Speaker 16:00

Wow, that landed for a lot of people.

Speaker 2 16:02

So it's about, if you think about that is, is that when you're setting boundaries and they're for me, and if you really love me. Then you should be able to understand.

Speaker 16:12

Yes. So I think guilt is a huge part of that. And so is the fear of disappointing other people. Yes. So how do you stop feeling guilty when you disappoint other people? If you've spent your whole life being the person that they all count on?

Speaker 2 16:26

When you start thinking about, you need to, I don't know why, but I, it just reminded me, of, my mentor, Jack Canfield, who has written the Chicken Soup for the Soul and the Success Principles, which is one of the first books that I've, one of the books that I read at that time that really helped me.

Speaker 16:43

Yeah.

Speaker 2 16:43

I've been to his seminars and he sits like that and he says. You cannot make me feel guilty about anything, even if you tried.

Speaker 16:51

Wow. I like that. I like that. I think you pull that out at one point in time.

Speaker 2 16:56

You cannot, and he sits, you cannot make. And I'm thinking guilt is a, I've done a talk about that because, for me, guilt is a great, is an important feeling to have before doing something. If it's after the, because then it gives you a choice, should I do it or should I not? Is it something that's good or is it something that's bad? So guilt before the event is very helpful. But guilt after the event, there's no point. You did the best you could at that time. So what's the point of feeling guilty and especially for people pleasers, you are protecting yourself. And the other thing is what I told you before. You cannot help anybody. You can love, you cannot love anybody. You cannot be,, supportive of anybody. If you don't start from supporting, truly supporting yourself. Being a martyr will not help anybody. And also, if people are taking advantage of you, what message are you giving them? In what level are you helping them? You are just facilitating them.

Speaker 17:58

Mm. Yes.

Speaker 2 17:58

What are they learning in their lives?

Speaker 18:01

Mm-hmm. Exactly. So if someone spent their whole life prioritizing everyone else's needs, moods, expectations, how do they figure out what they really want and find their own inner knowing? Any suggestions?

Speaker 2 18:14

I believe that you start first from, as I said before, here's what I don't want.

Speaker 18:19

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 18:20

Then also gratitude pays apart because when you start to finding things that, because even when your life is a mess, there are things that you can, you're grateful for. And when you start. Looking at the things in your life that work. It can be simple things. I started from, okay, I have a roof. My, the first thing that I said I was grateful for was air conditioning, because it was, I came back home, I came back home from work and it was a really hot day. And I got into my home and I opened the, I said, oh, I'm grateful for air conditioning. And I said, oh, something to be grateful for. But, it's a mindset. So it's about starting with small things. When you have conditioned yourself or your life to be like that. You cannot just wake up one morning and tell your family or your boss or your colleagues that, okay, from now on, I'm not doing anything. You, you cannot, first of all, people will think you're crazy and you've gone mad.

Speaker 19:11

Yeah.

Speaker 2 19:11

But also it's baby steps. It takes time. You start by doing small things and as you relearn yourself. You need to do the work.

Speaker 19:21

Yes. So what do you do when people around you are threatened by this new, healthier, empowered version of you?

Speaker 2 19:28

I don't feel that people are threatened. It's a wrong way to, to see it. We feel as people pleasers that people are threatened by that.

Speaker 19:35

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 19:35

It's our own mentality that does. Oh, and I, I'll tell you a story. I was, last week, some friends of mine came from Scotland and in the past, so they were staying in Athens for the whole week and in the past. They told me, we came for you and we want to see you every day, and let's do this and this. In the past I would have said, yes. I, and I would be, half of the time I would be, I. Exhausted, or I would be waiting for them to leave so that I can at least have some time by myself and relax. And I love them dearly. They're my, almost my best friends. But this time, three of the days, I said no. I said, I'm sorry. I'm too tired. I cannot, I won't see you today. I'll see you tomorrow morning or tomorrow afternoon. And I did that. And the last one of the days that I was walking to find them, the, almost the last night I said to myself, oh my God, I'm so proud of myself

Speaker 20:27

Yes.

Speaker 2 20:27

That I said, no, and I didn't do that. And they understood. They in, we exchanged and they said the previous night, I said, oh, of course we understand. Take your time and relax. I wouldn't have even given them the choice to say that they're okay with that.

Speaker 20:42

How empowering and you get to feel alive in your own self because you chose you.

Speaker 2 20:46

Yes. And when I saw them I was full of energy and great, very happy to see them where when you do things because you feel obligated to do it, then your energy is not the same.

Speaker 20:59

Right?

Speaker 2 20:59

And maybe you think that other people don't get, don't receive that. But energetically they definitely do. Even when we don't realize that. So we are not giving a hundred percent of ourselves when we do things because we feel obliged to do something. And I don't think that you would like, also, if you ask somebody else, what do you want? What would you want to do? They would say, no, I don't want you to be with one foot here and the other foot there.

Speaker 21:25

Right, so how did you rebuild that self-trust within yourself? So obviously baby steps over time, but was there any like special secret that you had that said, I'm gonna trust myself and I'm gonna choose me? Any like special process that you did to really build that mindset?

Speaker 2 21:41

I have what I call,, the word of the year that I use Every year. I, I set an intention, of one word that will be my main focus of the year, and for two years, I had the word authenticity.

Speaker 21:56

I love

Speaker 2 21:56

it. And for me, but it was for two year for, because one year wasn't enough for me, for my people pleasing.

Speaker 22:02

I love it. We're going for two years in a row, we're masks.

Speaker 2 22:05

Yeah. I finished the first year and I said, wait, I have done some steps, but I'm not there yet. So for me, authenticity is the main thing. So, asking yourself. Who is saying that? Is it really you or is it. Your, and I call my negative self critic, Mr. Magoo is it, so I gave a name to my negative self-talk, and I said, is it, who is it really saying this? Is it really me?

Speaker 22:30

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 22:30

Or is it my negative self-talk, which is telling me you're not good enough, you're not going to be liked, people are going to judge you. You are judging yourself. So it's, it's a constant, it's a constant battle for a while, but, but soon, it really, not soon,, but it, at some point that you are okay.

Speaker 22:49

Yes. The listener can't see you, but you're a very, vibrant, vivacious, empowered, radiating woman. What is your self-love practice, or what is your practice for staying so empowered and so in touch with yourself?

Speaker 2 23:05

The most important thing is, going with the flow. I've learned at last not to that it's okay to pause. It's we have, we live in a society where everybody is telling us, do more, be more, have more. And I have, I give myself. The permission to do nothing when I need to.

Speaker 23:27

Yes.

Speaker 2 23:27

So I may take a Sunday or even a, because I, because I'm a freelancer, I can work whenever I want to. So it can even be a workday or a weekday. And I say to today, I don't want to do anything. I just want to get out of bed, go to the couch. Watch Netflix, eat, have some red wine and do nothing. In the past I would have done that, but I would feel guilty all the time. I would be saying in my, Mr. Maul would be saying, you should be working now. You should be doing this now. Why are you, other people are working. Why? So, the point I want to make is that, there are even most people, or a lot of people, even when they are on vacation or they're out with friends or supposedly relaxing, they feel guilty about it. So this doesn't recharge.

Speaker 24:15

I'm guilty of that.

Speaker 2 24:16

It does, you know what I, so I'm talking to you now. I have friends that, do you have any friends that go, you go out, to dinner and they say, oh, I'm just going to have a salad. I'm just going to drink a glass of wine. And then they eat everything and they have three or four, and then they say, oh my God, why did I do that? And oh, I, I said, I say. Don't say if you are going out with friends, enjoy it. Give yourself the time and the enjoy. If, you do, you know, if you are a hundred percent there, guilt free. Just overindulge for an evening or for a day, or for two days. Eat the whole pizza. Eat the whole cake without guilt. The next day, you won't feel the craving because you are you. You have given your body and your mind the what it needed. It needs it. If you do it but feel guilty, then you don't get the satisfaction, so you crave it the next day again.

Speaker 25:11

Yes, I agree a hundred percent. For me, I feel guilty resting. And that is because when I was a child, my parents were always like, you gotta be productive. Oh, do this, and multitask and that. So I really have to make a conscious effort to rest. And I feel it's like the most underrated form of self-love is just doing nothing. So

Speaker 2 25:30

you will not, if you do it and don't feel guilty. I have, I couldn't do, I was the same. I, I always felt that if I'm not doing something, then I am, I'm worthless. And nobody, it wasn't my parents, it wasn't, that was me. I didn't even have that conditioning from my parents. It was just me. But you cannot believe. I have tested this again and again on myself that when I give myself permission to rest and do nothing for whatever time I need to, you cannot believe how productive I am when I go back to doing whatever I I was doing, how many ideas I have, how much work I get done, and how much energy I have. And I'm always blown away because, and I say yes, now I know. Try it. I'm telling everybody, your listeners,

Speaker 26:21

I

Speaker 2 26:21

love it. Try and please write in the comments. Yes, I did that and then I had so many ideas the next day or have the cake, have the pizza, have the. Whatever, and see if the next day you are going to crave it. You are not going to crave it. I can, I guarantee that you still crave it because when you did it, you didn't, you felt guilty about it and you didn't actually enjoy it.

Speaker 26:42

Yes, I will definitely do. I may go rest after this podcast.

Speaker 2 26:45

Send me an email and tell me how you feel tomorrow.

Speaker 26:48

I definitely will. So any other tips to help us, flex or stop that people pleasing?

Speaker 2 26:54

Be kind to yourself.

Speaker 26:55

Kind to yourself. Yes.

Speaker 2 26:56

Be kind to yourself. We are very hard on ourselves, and I even say a lot of times that if we spoke to other people the way we talk to ourselves, we wouldn't have any friends. We wouldn't. We are constantly, putting ourselves down. So the kind to yourself and do what you want to do to other people. How you, the way you want to help other people do that, to you do that to yourself.

Speaker 27:17

Yes. I agree. So I always love to leave listeners with something tangible they can take with them. So is there a book that helped you on your journey that you can recommend to the listeners?

Speaker 2 27:27

Yes. I already mentioned it. It's the Success Principles by Jack Canfield. Okay. And, in about a month from now, my book also,

Speaker 27:35

we can't wait.

Speaker 2 27:36

Which really is cold as I am, but Jack he has all the steps and really helped me. And the first thing that, he says is, take responsibility for your life.

Speaker 27:45

So excellent. So for our listeners who are feeling exhausted from shape, shifting, pleasing, performing, what is one truth that you want them to remember about themselves today?

Speaker 2 27:55

You are good enough just the way you are, and there is always a way out. Even when you think that there's none. It's just one decision You need to take. One decision now. And go from there.

Speaker 28:07

Excellent. This was such a powerful and freeing conversation. Myrtle, thank you so much for putting words to something that so many of our listeners are living with daily, and they silently suffer with this people pleasing and for reminding us that joy, truth, and self-trust are still available even after years of losing ourselves, that we can always find ourselves again. So thank you so much.

Speaker 2 28:29

Thank you for having me. I really enjoyed the conversation. It was great.

Speaker 28:33

Absolutely. And if this podcast episode helped you, please forward on to someone who needs this message of hope and inspiration and the reminder that they can overcome anything. See you next time.