Your Professional Fails Aren't Embarrassing—They're Your Superpower

Ever noticed that the most successful people you know are also the ones who can laugh at themselves? In this episode of The Business of Becoming, Steffany gets real about the one business skill nobody talks about: learning not to take yourself so seriously. From networking fails to imposter syndrome comedy to the beautiful chaos of being a mom entrepreneur — this one's a breath of fresh air. 💛

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to the business of becoming. I am your host, Stephanie. And if you have been with me the past couple weeks, we have been going through the trenches. We have been talking about identity crisis, about who are you when people are not clapping for you. We talk about all of the imposter syndromes. I mean, we've been going deep, y'all. Today we are going to talk about something a little lighter. Okay, because like I said, we've been we've been going through it together. So today we're going to talk about probably what I think is the most underrated business skill, which is to laugh at yourself. And no, this isn't a comedy show, and it's not like me saying, like, oh, you know, put on a face and pretend that everything is fine and become the joker of every room that you walk into. Absolutely not. That's not what I'm talking about. I am talking about being able to find humor and even the things you mess up in, you know, even the things that aren't perfect, and really just learn how to operate as a human in business rather than an AI robot and not be so hard on yourself. We are not trying to condemn ourselves or to, you know, create a version of ourselves that just feel cute for somebody else. We're just really trying to learn a skill that I think has helped me multiple times really become very relatable and just down to earth and honest with people because people connect with people, they don't connect with perfectionism. Like I know so many people that I look up to, they're not perfect. And I'm thankful that they're not perfect. And I look at all social media right now, all influencers, some of them that I follow are actually pretty freaking hilarious. And they laugh at themselves and they laugh at comments that people write on the on their stuff because you gotta find humor in what you do, especially to keep you going. If you can't be happy and like laugh at yourself every now and then, then honestly, a lot of people won't keep following you for a long time. A lot of people won't be able to keep being led by you if there's not something human that they can resonate with. I'm gonna be hitting something that has helped me. And again, it's not about being toxic and just trying to put up a face and say everything is perfect, ha ha ha ha ha ha. No. It is being able to find that quiet strength, that resilience, I would say, that you can only find when you look at your worst moments in your life and be able to find humor in it. There are very few people in my life that I can know all of my like worst moments. And when I talk to them about these worst moments, when I'm able to share and just open up and sometimes ugly cry and say, like, oh my god, this is what's going on, I find humor with them and they make me laugh about it, and they make me feel like this isn't the end of the world, you know. And those are the people that they're they're my square squad, like I've talked to you guys before in some of my podcasts. But I've been able to also see how bringing that out of my just quiet circle into business, into relationships that I have professionally, being able to like bring some humor and bring some of my personality has allowed me to just really go further in my relationships with people. All right. So I'm gonna do some icebreaker, right? I'm gonna tell you guys some of the probably funniest failures I think I've had. And it's not because I want to make fun of myself, but it's because I want you guys to understand that if this happens to you, like sometimes you just you gotta roll with the punches, you gotta let life life at that moment and turn it into a positive. So I'm gonna share a story. If you've heard on some of my other podcasts, um, I told you guys that when I first started, I was fresh out the gate, and one of the things that I really, really, really wanted was a Jeep Wrangler. That was my dream car since I was a kid. I didn't like Barbie, but Barbie had a Jeep, and I thought it was super cool. So I had this idea and I had it on my vision board that I wanted a Jeep Wrangler, whatever. And uh I walked into a very important meeting because even though I was fresh out of the gate in my career, um I was able to get a really big meeting with uh an association and a couple board members that I had to present how I can help them and how my business can serve them. So as I'm in this meeting, um, I'm with my boss at that time, and you know, I'm I'm ready, I've been prepared, I mean, I've prepped this thing. This is the kind of meeting that you change your outfit 14 times. Uh I was what 18 at the time? 18, 17. Um, so I already looked like a child, and I had to, you know, try to wear some heels, wear some makeup, do my hair, try to look like I wasn't 13. And I will never forget, I I rehearsed this meeting, I was like so set, I was ready to do it. I was the first one to present, like I was ready. And then I opened up my laptop and I connected it to their little thing to project it on the screen, and we're talking about a bunch of older men in suits and looking at their watch every five minutes, like it was it was intense. And I connected my laptop, and not only did I put the Jeep on my vision board, but I put it on my desktop screensaver. But I put on my desktop screensaver like a funny one, which was the Barbie Jeep. And when that thing connected and displayed to the entire board member that we're talking about millions of dollars that I'm trying to tell them, like, hey, I can help you and don't worry about it. We're professional, we've got this. They just see a big ass freaking Barbie Jeep in a projector screen. And I honed into it, man. Like I looked at it, I was mortified. I was like, oh my god, not only do I just look like a child in person, but I they probably think I have this weird, you know, fetish for baby jeeps or whatever. And it was just it was so damn embarrassing. And it was one of those moments that if you were there, you would have started laughing at me, and it was bad. But I did what I could, and I was just like, all right, so help me get my Barbie Jeep. How can I help you guys with your you know, claim needs? And I just kind of rolled with it, and I was young, but I still just rolled with it, and it was it was cool because it ended up breaking the ice a bit, and I ended up hearing about some weird other screensavers that they had. Some of them had like cats with hats and like cigars and this, and it was able to open up a more like informal conversation during such a formal time. Oh, and then there's another one, so whatever. I'm just gonna give you a few of my embarrassing moments. There was one time where I was emailing, uh I wasn't emailing, I was texting a client back, and this was you know, a very, you know, great client, had multiple properties. I mean, they were somebody that I was like, yes, I'm ready. So I had texted them and I told them, hey, um, very lucky. I'm I'm looking forward to furthering our partnership together and working with you guys more. Uh, we'll meet soon. Autocorrect sent, I miss you. I have no idea how my autocorrect did that. But I I hit send because I didn't review what I was saying, and they just question marked me a reply. This was before you can do that on Apple where you can like click the message and put a question mark. No, they just sent me a legitimate question mark. And I looked at it and I was like, what, like, what are they questioning? And then I reread my text and says, I I miss you. And I was like, oh no. I was like, they probably think I'm trying to flirt with them and I'm trying to mac it to my client to get this contract. And I felt, I don't know if I can say this, but like I felt like a prostitute. I felt like I was selling, selling more than just my service at that moment. Um, and uh, and I just I remember I I responded and I was like, well, I was like, it looks like my phone has a different interpretation of the partnership that I was uh, you know, referencing. Um and I was like, I'm I'm you know, I'm much funnier than autocorrect. And it was just so smooth, so organic. They're still my client today, but it comes up every now and then, like, yeah, I'll miss you, you know, and it's just it's one of those moments that you just gotta own and you can't be super professional to try and clear something and clean something up because you gotta laugh at yourself. And I've shared this story with my staff, I've shared this story with friends because that's all part of business, like all part of doing things that you're just like, oh, what a doofus! Like, damn, I can't believe I did that. And um, and you get to laugh at yourself and then just realize that you can turn it into something very good and very healthy. Why did I say all of these stories? Why did I go through this whole embarrassing monologue? It's because I just want to make sure that you guys are not taking yourself too seriously. I want to encourage all these high-achieving people that you can still hit your marks, you can still reach your goals, you can still be influential, you can still reach, you know, the people that you want to lead by being a hilarious mess every now and then. And letting people into that and letting them know that, hey, this happened to me too. You know, it's okay, turn this around, like put your best foot forward. Because if you're gonna condemn yourself the entire way, people are not gonna be cool with that either. Like, some clients might not even resonate that well with that. You know, they might be like, oh, this person's like too much of a perfectionism, and they're trying to be too polite. Maybe they really do want something more than just my business. Like, it just starts going down the spiral. And think about yourself. Who would you rather work with? Somebody that you can relate to, somebody that you can actually have a conversation that doesn't sound like they're just reading off a script, or somebody that you know, you can actually like talk with and laugh. Like some of my favorite clients, I joke with them all the time. Because again, it's more than just business. We're building relationships that will outlast the service that I do with them and that will let them think of me every single time they do need my service. That's what you gotta promote, my people. You can't promote just your service, you're promoting yourself. So let's go a little bit back. I want to talk about why we stop laughing at ourselves because when we're young, we laugh at ourselves all the time. I have a toddler, and the kid is hilarious, and he laughs at himself all the time. There's this thing that he has now that he learned from his aunt, okay, where I'm like, Bear, do you dance? Bear, do you dance? And he just goes, and then he just starts cracking up. And for my audio listeners, I'm swinging my arms in the air, and I'm just like shaking my shoulders, and he tries to shake his little butt, and it's hilarious. And he laughs at himself. And when we were younger, we all did that. You know, we all found humor in the simplest little things. But what happens when you start going into the work field is that there's this professionalism trap that doesn't allow you to be yourself, it uh it forces you to fit a mold to generate sales or to you know basically complete the task that's at at hand. And it kind of forces you to be somewhat of like a robot, right? Because professionalism means you can't crack. You gotta stay who you are, you gotta be there because people are gonna lose confidence in the product, people are gonna lose confidence in the service if you don't know you know how to how to stick true to what you're saying, and you can't show any other damn expression other than you're serious and you're serious about business. Like, no, not at all. Especially moms, especially working moms, and especially working dads that are the sole you know provider for their home. Like, you gotta show up with your student tie, you gotta show up with this attitude of like, I'm here for business, and I don't do anything else outside of business and servicing my clients. Like, that's not true. And any real salesperson can see that. And and high, very high rollers and very high, you know, business executives, they they know that, they smell that from afar. They know who they do business with. That's not something brand new. It takes years of learning and grooming and seeing, okay, ah, this guy just wants me for this business. Like, there's not much more depth than that. We try to not just want a seat at the table, but we force ourselves to believe that we can't sit there unless we're this polished up version of ourselves. And to be honest with you, there's so many people that fit into that mold that can fit into that mold, but there's nobody that's you. There's nobody that has your backstory, there's nobody that has your struggles, your trenches, and your humor like that. Nobody. So why try to fit into a mold when you can be yourself and actually go much further and reach more people and connect? And again, like I said, that was me for a long time. Can I tell you what happened? The truth is, I had a lot of people's respect. I did for years. I had a lot of people's respect. A lot of people respected my work, they respected, you know, the numbers I brought in, they respected the teams that I built, they respected what I did. But not many connected with me. Like, rarely, none of them did, because there was nothing to connect with. I was just being professional the entire time. I wasn't showing them me, Stephanie, I was showing them a resume. And that ended up bleeding into not just my professional life, but into my personal life. When anybody asked me what I, you know, hi, who are you, whatever, like the first thing I'd say, I'm like, hi, I'm Stephanie. I'm a I'm, you know, I'm an adjuster or I own a business. And I do, and that just became my identity. And it sucked because even in personal relationships, like I wasn't able to be like deeper or to like really connect up front. And it was, it was tough. It was a very difficult thing to learn to get out of. And there's research, you know, leaders who use self-deprecating humor at work in the professional setting are deemed more trustworthy, are deemed more honest, and here's the kicker: they're deemed more competent than someone who doesn't try to use their failures and actually laugh at it and say, hey, yeah, that happened to me. Ha ha. Like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna keep who I am, no matter where I go. Because that's confidence. Confidence is not allowing a mistake to define you, is allowing yourself to give yourself grace that the mistakes you have make you more confident because you're not gonna make them again. Confidence is not the absence of mistakes at all. Confidence is learning when you make a mistake to allow yourself the grace to be a human being and say, oh, okay, I'm not gonna do that again because I don't want to humiliate myself, but I'm also not gonna use this as a way to put myself down and allow myself to not even recognize the good that I've done thus far. And a laugh doesn't diminish you. Like if people are laughing, one, I hope they're laughing with you, but at the same time, it just it does, it shouldn't diminish you. And I've learned that a lot, even from some of the people that I've worked with for years. Like, I've learned how they are just who they are. They're they say the you know, the off-the-wall joke, or they say something that I'm like, oh man, you're human. Like I can actually vibe with you outside of being super professional. And it's allowed me to really expand my network of people and my relationships with people because it's not it's not fake. It's not. It's and we live in a world that's very generated by fakeness and social media and AI. So when you get a chance to be real and honest and open and just connect, that feels incredible, especially to any of you that are in the service industry or that are in businesses that require you to really just connect with others, to make sales, to lead teams. Like you please hear me. Like, be yourself and let those mistakes like laugh at yourself every now and then. Let your people see that you're not this person with a stick up their butt. Like, you're someone that they can follow and that they could want to be like. All right, so now let's talk about imposter syndrome, but in a lighter way. Uh, some of you right now are listening to me or watching me, and you are probably folding laundry, or you are driving to work, or you are, I don't know, maybe picking up the Cheetos that your kid left in the car. I want you to understand imposter syndrome in this way. When you really sit with it, when you really like really sit with imposter syndrome, and you write it down, and again, you might be doing a million things right now, but I at least mentally write it down in your head. I want you to write down the last thing that imposter syndrome said to you. The last thing it said to you. Write it down. I'll give you your moment. Go find a pen, go figure it out, go write it down, or write it in your head. And doesn't it sound like the most soap opera dramatic, like end of the world, Miley Cyrus coming in with a wrecking ball type of nonsense? Like, say it out loud to yourself. Like, you don't deserve to be in this conference, you don't deserve to be here. Excuse me. I paid for this conference ticket with my business account. I deserve to be here more than the person who got comped. Okay? Like, that's I remember that. That imposter syndrome, that told me that one day. I'll never forget. I was sitting in a conference and I was like, oh man, I don't think I qualify to be able to be here. Like, or to like, I don't think that I don't think anything that I'm doing is actually gonna be important here for me to be at this conference. And I promise you, I had to shut myself up and say, wait, what? Like, people got free tickets to this thing, and I legit paid for not just me, but my staff. Like, of course I deserve to be here. Of course I've got something to gain here. Of course I've got something to learn. Like, I've got something to give rather than just to learn or to be, yeah, I got something to give too. People want to network with me. Not just me trying to find, you know, somebody to talk to and network with and just be like, oh my God, wow, this you're amazing. No, people want to network with me too. And like I remember sitting down on a panel and I was, you know, uh talking on the panel, and one time I I was sitting down there and I was like, imposter syndrome came in, you know, like a little sneaky little devil, and was like, you don't deserve to be here. Like you don't you don't have you know the best qualifications or like and I just remember I had to shut myself up and I was like, Y'all I've been doing this longer than some of the people sitting here. Like, wait, what? Like, I've been doing this since I was a kid. Like, of course I belong here. I don't care if they're smarter than me. I've got time, I put in my time. And you know, you you you have to write them down, or at least take a mental note, and then say it out loud to yourself so that you can tell yourself, yeah, you're wily. No, like reassure yourself. And and again, imposter syndrome is a real thing. And it's man, I've talked about it. I've talked about the times that I've cried in my car, I've talked about the times where, you know, I've I've panicked because I didn't know how to talk to, you know, a very important client or a very big deal, or you know, I've talked about the stresses that I've had of not being able to be the best mom and the best leader at the same time and just trying to juggle everything all together. But in reality, if you allow yourself to see it in this viewpoint where not to take everything as a joke, but to just be able to look at those moments and say, okay, like there's some humor to that. That was kind of stupid. Like, okay. You gotta realize that humor it's not just a defense mechanism. I don't want you to use it as a defense mechanism. I don't want you to be like Chandler from Friends, but I do want you to use it in a way to see it differently in your walk. See it more as an armor rather than something that is a weakness. I want you to look at it as something that it's not gonna make you weak, it's gonna make you almost untouchable because now you're not gonna give through craps if somebody's gonna say something or if they laugh. Like look at Jennifer Lawrence. I I think she's hilarious, and every time that she's tripped and falled in the Oscars, or wherever it is, like she's made light of it, and they can tear her down easily. You have media, you have people who are looking from all over the world, but she's made light of it, and she's allowed us to make light of it and allow us to say, damn, if something does happen to her, she's just gonna make us laugh. And it's we're not gonna be able to judge her and condemn her, she's just being freaking human. So be the Jennifer Lawrence of your life. Like, just understand that sometimes things happen because we're freaking human, and you gotta just roll with it and laugh at yourself so that other people can feel like, oh, okay, there's there's freedom for me to just take this lighthearted too. And I want to be clear, because I've been churched for almost 20 years. Oh my god, I've been churched for 20 years. Not almost, legit 20 years, probably actually 21 years now. Oh my god. Okay. The spiral. But just like whoa. Um wow, I just felt old. Anyways, I'll be honest, like, I grew up in a church where you had to be reverent, you had to be serious and solemn, and there was no room for that kind of humor in your life. You know, there was no room to be like making fun of failures. It was it was nonsense, you know, if you did that, like it was there's no room to be a human being. And um the Bible says it in Proverbs. It says, A merry heart does good like medicine. And that has there's just it's just that there's it's biblical. Meaning that you you gotta be merry, you have to laugh, you have to be joyful, even in moments that seem like they're the deepest valleys around you. And it's so hard to do, people. I get it, I get it, I understand. It's so hard to do. It's so hard to be merry when you feel like your life is falling apart. It's very hard. And maybe you don't have to do that with everybody, but please find somebody, please find a group of people that you can sit down and laugh and say, This is all falling apart. Like my life is a mess right now. And find those people who are gonna bring light, find those people who are gonna kind of lift you up with joy in the middle of uncertainty, because that's that's the best thing you can do for yourself is to find light into this moment, is to, hey, I've been, people, I have been through some uncertain moments of my life. Shoot, I'm still going through some uncertain moments of my life. But I'm able to make light of it. Um I'm able to find some humor and say, dang, God is really testing my faith. He's really testing, you know, my obedience. And he's really testing whether or not I got what it takes, or if I even have any gas left in the tank. You know, and you find your people and you can do it, and and you can really realize that you feel lighter, you feel you feel more confident when you can laugh at yourself and say, yeah, this sucks. But there's kind of like a weight off your shoulders when you can say it and you can make light of it, and you look you kind of feel like there's might be some sort of clarity there for you. Laughing in the darkest moments of your life, and just being able to say, like, I don't know how I'm gonna do this, but we'll figure it out. I find when I meet people who are still joyful and are going through things that, man, like I can't even imagine. Like, I've seen people go through cancer, I've seen people go through the loss of their loved ones, I've seen people who have overcome things that I in my mind I'm like, this would have broken me. I would have, I would have lost who I was if I had to go through this. Those people are the most remarkable people that I've ever met in my life. Those people are people that I can trust wholeheartedly and say, please help me navigate this. And that's hard to find someone to to go and be like, Can you help me navigate this? Like, it's very difficult, especially when you're a high, you know, achieving person already, because most of the people around you are people that you lead. So when you find people that have gone through so many different things and have been able to just bring light and still be joyful and still bring humor to the moments that they were dark and they were in the valleys, like I have one of my really good friends that I mean, they make fun of the darkest moments of their lives, and and they don't say it in a way that it's defensive, they say it in a way where it's like, that's it, that's all you're going through. Well, you know, look at this, ha ha ha ha ha. Like, look at this. But at the end of the conversation, it's always like life is gonna life, and things are never gonna be easy. We're we're not built for that. We are built to find faith. We are built to fight for our faith. We are built to fight for situations that can change our lives and that can change the lives of others that we lead. So, so I'm gonna give you a practical takeaway. And I just want you to make a laugh list. I want you to make a list of maybe three to five of the most cringiest things that have happened to you, whether it's professionally or I don't know, at work or you know, maybe around the crowd that you influence or whatever. And write them down because what I really want you to do is I want you to find a way that instead of saying like this was the worst part of my career, this was like the darkest moment that happened to me, I want you to say, one of the funniest things that happened to me in my career was this. You know, one of the funniest things that happened to me in my life, you know, was this. And then I want you to find a way to lightheartedly use these stories to try and create connections with others that can allow you to really be relatable. Like, yeah, you're not the only person that's going through a divorce. Hello, no, you're not. You know, you're not the only person who is a single mom, you're not the only person who is running a business, you're not the only person who's leading men, or that vice versa, whatever the case may be. Like, you're not. So please use this list. And that way when you find people that are somewhat in that same realm, you have a way to connect with them already. You have an opportunity to connect with them. Your failures, I want to leave you guys with this. Your failures are life lessons. Okay, they're not things that define you. And some of the cringiest moments in your life that you might seem to think that it was the worst and most embarrassing thing ever, are probably the things that are gonna connect you the most with people. And listen, I deal with a lot of high influential people, high achieving people. And I see the people that go up to them and talk to them. I'm telling you, I've done this for a long time. And I used to be one of them, and I would see all of them had the same, you know, pattern and the same way to speak, and the same reverence, and the same like. And then when I actually look at my relationship with them, and I and I've looked at how other people that I admire get close to them and you know, raise their standard and raise, you know, their level of influence and their business, I've realized a main thing is that they're not afraid to be themselves and share the moments they sucked, you know, the moments they did not know what was going on, and just say, hey man, this is really me. Like, I don't know what I'm doing here, you know? Or I really didn't know what I was doing for a long time. And this is how I learned. I messed up so bad that I'll never do that again. I messed up so bad that this marked me to remind me that I will never make that mistake again. Everyone's, you know, you've sent the wrong text, or you've maybe walked into the wrong room. I don't know, you maybe have your own Jeep Wrangler story. You're not alone. You're just brave enough to share it. And honestly, if I remembered more that were pretty bad and embarrassing, I have no problem sharing them. Because what I really want is to hear some of your cringiest moments and write them in the comments so that I can laugh with you and make light of it with you, not at you, and see that you're freaking brave and congratulate you for being somebody who's willing to look at these things and these cringe-worthy moments and say, Yeah, now I get to lead from that. It's freaking badass. Humor is not the opposite of professionalism. If anything, it's the most disarming thing that you can do when you're in a room filled with tension and perfection needs to be made. You bring yourself into a little bit of humor and be yourself, honestly, is the most disarming thing you can do with somebody. It brings down walls immediately. You're not just becoming successful, you're becoming somebody who can see a way into a future that is gonna be make them a better version of themselves. And you're and you're becoming someone who can enjoy the trenches. Because that's probably like the most oxymoron thing you can say. Like, yeah, enjoy your pain. But it's the truth. You can enjoy the time in the trenches by just bringing some light to it. I'm telling you, I've done this for a big part of my life, and especially recently, like I've had to look at it in a different mirror and say, oh man, like I am going through it, but God willing, I'm not by myself, you know, like, and I can I can laugh at it a little bit because it's not gonna define me. It's just a moment that I'm going through right now. And with that, you guys, I close. Do not forget to like and subscribe, and drop in the comments one of your funniest professional failures, please. I want to sit there and laugh with you, and I want to sit there and commend you for being brave and sharing it, and honestly, just build a community that we're about building each other up and not breaking each other down. This episode gave you guys a perfect excuse to be lighthearted and to enjoy the rest of your week and the rest of your journey right now, because that's what we do in the business of becoming. We don't look at who we're becoming and be discouraged and be like, oh my god, that's a person that's never gonna get there. No. In the business of becoming, we enjoy the process that we're in. And every single day strive to be somebody better. And if there's anything you guys really want to know, again, put it on the comments. I'm ready to talk about it. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid to share my failures. I'm not afraid to share the moments that I didn't feel like a great boss or leader or mom or whatever. You know, we'll get into the trenches and I'll and we'll get deeper. So I'll see you guys in the chair next week.