Why the First Three Months of a Mission Are So Hard

Those first three months are brutal.. let me help you through them!

Here's the link to the devotional: https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/melissa-larson/christlike-transformation/

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Dear Future Sister, are you preparing to serve a mission? Deciding if you should, or adjusting back to home life? I'm Darby Lee, and this is Dear Future Sister, a place for real talk about all phases of the mission journey.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

I have said time and time again that the first couple months of the mission are hard. And today I'm going to be talking about why and how you can get through that too. But we're starting with a daily devotional. This is a quote from Russell M. Nelson. It's from a talk called Joy in Spiritual Survival. And he says, The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives. This was a life-changing quote for me on the mission. And especially when those things are hard in those first couple months, it's so important to remember why you're really there, which is because of Jesus Christ, and because everything we do focuses on him, and that really is what will bring us true happiness. But yeah, I will so say that those first three months, I think, were the hardest three months by mission. And not saying the whole mission is hard, but there's just something particularly hard about those first couple months because everything is so new. And while things were harder later on, it was a different kind of part. And especially if you're learning a new language, like everything is just amplified if you're in a new country, but even just a different state, it's it's a new way of life, and the missionary schedule is also a new way of doing things as well. And everyone has always asked me when I tell them this, like, what do you do to get through those months? So I want to talk about that today. I did make a podcast about my first day in the mission field specifically because that was quite the experience itself, and there's a whole podcast on that. So make sure to go back and listen to that. But I want to talk about kind of this overall adjusting period and how to get used to that. And so, first of all, I'll just say why is adjusting to the mission so hard. Okay, for me, I felt like learning a language was hard, and I tried a lot to learn as much of the language as possible before I even left on the mission, but nothing can prepare you for just being with the culture because even if you're learning a language, there's always a dialect, or you know, no one says it exactly how you learn it. And so that was just a difficult thing because obvious reasons, but it was just hard to communicate, and I felt like I wasn't really doing much, and I felt like I was studying a lot, but also there was just so much change, and I felt like I wasn't really picking up what was going on. Like those first definitely that first week in the field, I felt like most of the time I was just standing there and kind of just looking at my companion. And I will say I think something that helps is you know getting in that relationship with your companion, because even if you don't know what the natives are saying, um, you can kind of figure out what they're saying from your companion's reactions. So got pretty good at reading my companions' faces. Um, I think it's just learning some of this stuff for the first time. I I had a pretty good foundation in the gospel I grew up in the church, but I was learning the restoration, like the full story for the first time kind of like I had heard the whole story, right? Um, in different parts, but this was the first time I was really teaching it and also understanding it. So even understanding it for myself was one thing, and then having to go back and teach that, and then having to teach that in a different language, it was a new concept as well. And I also think just it's it's a demanding schedule, you know. You wake up at 6 30, go to bed at 10 30, depending on your mission rules and whatnot. But it's um, you know, you're scheduled to get eight hours of sleep, but it it doesn't always happen. And so um it's hard to adjust for that. Everything is just a new routine. Um, I I was just so used to my school routine, I'd get out in the morning, and I could come home earlier at night. Um, but in in my mission specifically, I mean we did a lot of our studying in the morning, and then we'd go out for a little bit, and then we most of our time the day started, like we'd start prosting at like 2 30 p.m. And that was just so weird to me, because 2 30 p.m. I'm usually like winding down my day, like I'm gonna go home in a few hours. Um, so it's just different. And then I just remember being so tired those first couple weeks, like every personal study, I think I was falling asleep. And I think that's a pretty common experience, so don't feel too bad about it. But it was so hard just to stay awake, and I couldn't even I was trying to do everything I could to make myself feel more awake and alive, but just no matter what you do, like it's a new schedule, and it's exhausting to try to just learn everything, and especially as a new missionary, a lot of times you're kind of just following your trainer around and you're not exactly sure what's going on, and so it's exhausting just trying to follow that as well. Um, and then I feel like as soon as you get used to things, they change. Because I like my first week in the mission field, I had finally gotten down. I was like, okay, 6 30, I wake up and I do my exercise. Perfect. So I was like doing my exercise in the morning before my companion link got out of the bathroom. And then she comes out and she's like, Good job, good job, sister. But um, we actually have to go right now because we have zone conference this morning. I was like, What? So it's like as soon as you get something down, something changes, and so no day is exactly the same, even though you do have a routine, and then thinking about that too, I also had my first general conference in the first couple months of the mission, and it was just so different because you know, general conference at home, it's so chill, you know. Probably I'm in my pajamas watching the TV almost all weekend, and I'm just like eating snacks, but on the mission, it's like no, we're going from house to house to house to house, um, making sure other people are able to watch general conference, and yeah, so I was like so just in shock with how different everything was. However, there was a little miracle in that because my first general conference in the mission, they announced a temple in Iowa, and so that was so exciting. That was that was so great because any other missionaries I knew that were from Iowa, we all kind of messaged each other that P Day, and it just felt like okay, we're supposed to be here, and it's all gonna be okay, and God is watching over us. And then I also think like one of the main reasons for that first little bit being so hard is being homesick. And I didn't expect this as much because I did a year and a half of college before going out, so I had already lived away from home, so I was thinking, oh, I'll be fine, but like it's still just missing the aspect of your routine and of just familiarity, that was really hard. And you do miss your family too, and so especially if you are coming straight out of home, like that's an adjustment living on your own for the first time. Um, and then even if you have already lived on your own, that's still an adjustment living away from everything you've ever known. I also think the adversary is just against you in those first couple months. My first week in the mission field, I had like everything could have possibly gone wrong, um, just with living conditions. We lost like tris electricity, maybe my second or third day in Paraguay, and it was gone all night, and it was so so hot. I got there in March. So in Paraguay, that is like the hot season, and we were going through a heat wave, and it was just miserable. And I was like, Are you kidding? And so I like that night, I was like, I don't know if I can do this. Like, if this is what I have to live with for a year and a half, I don't know if I could do it. But what's so funny about that is that never happened again. Like, we would lose electricity, but not as for as long of a time as we did, and so I think the Lord knows your limits. Um, and he knew I couldn't have done that again, but yeah, because that happened, and then like because of that, I was, you know, trying to use our little plug-in fan to cool off. And so I was just like standing in front of the fan. Um, and our fan at the in our little apartment didn't have a cover, and so I was just standing in front of it, and then I like turned and then the fan um chipped part of my arm off. So, not not badger mind, but just like um a little bit of my skin came out on the fan. I was like, all right, so it's just one of those things, and then I even remember that the same day my companion had a little like spray fan, I don't know, like a little hand fan that you use to spray yourself with, and I was like using that, like trying to like make myself cool down a little bit, and then my hair got caught in it, so it's just like everything that could have possibly gone wrong went wrong, and I was just so exhausted that day, and I had already been so tired. I was like, there's gonna be no end to this, but I really believe it's just adversary getting at you because that was like probably one of the days that so many things went wrong. Um, and you know, it's not always like that though. I even oh, that was the same day too that it was like super rainy in the mission, and you know, this is the first time I'm experiencing rain as a missionary, and so I put on my little rain boots that I bought for the mission because I thought they were so cute, but they weren't very practical. I came to find out. Well, it's my fault because I didn't wear like long socks with them, so I wore short socks with my short boots, and I got chipped like so bad. I think I still have scars from it to this day, but once again, that was my fault, and take full ownership, but it's like you don't know until you do it, you know, and so you don't really know how to adjust for that. So there's that, and then I also just feel like people can be so brutal. Like my first couple months, it it took it took a hit on me, you know. People as um South Americans, I think too is the thing. Like, people will just like be like you're fat, or you know, and it's just like normal, it's not really supposed to be offensive, or they'll say, like, everyone always told me I had a really serious face, and I was like, Oh, I'm sorry. Like, they're like, Why do you look so sad? I was like, I'm not sad, but also I'm also going through it, so I'm sorry. But um, I made it a goal that um after people were saying that so much that I would smile more, and then people told me less, but people still told me, and people are kind of brutal, and you're kind of just like, okay, like I'm sorry, I'm just out here, and you know, a lot of people don't understand what it's like to be a missionary. Um, so you know, man, you just gotta fig it till you make it. Um, that's the model to go by. I I will say though, like as far as like the language barriers, I remember visiting the same families about a week into the field and understanding a little bit more. And so it does get better, and it comes in such waves too, because you'll understand a little bit more, and then a week goes by and then you can't understand anyone again, even if you've taught them a million times. So there's a I also the gifted tongues is real. Um, I still think like even after I had learned Spanish pretty well, I always understand them so much better during lessons than when we're just talking. And once again, just when you get used to it, new challenges will come up. Right around when I was hitting the three-month mark in the mission, I got transferred to a different area, and I just felt like I was starting over all over again, and that was so rough. My first transfer, I think, I don't it's at least you know, you kind of know what to expect, and I think every transfer, like every time you get moved, the easier it gets because you know what to expect, like you know that you're not gonna um know everything, basically. So you can kind of have more patience with yourself, you can, you know, do things that will help you. I always brought a little notebook around to new areas, and I would like just write down everyone's names that I learned, and I like I'll be honest, I never really went back in the notebook to look at them, but just like writing them down just helped me get it more, and so that was just one of those things that I felt like helped me whenever I was going to new areas. And then even before that though, I only my trainer when I I started my mission, she it was her last transfer of the mission, so I also had two trainers, so that was a change, and my first trainer was American, and my second trainer was from Argentina, so she only spoke Spanish. But I will say that was probably one of the best things that could have happened because it like it was challenging to completely embrace Spanish, but also like I learned so much more in that time, and I don't think I would have learned as much and been prepared to then later be transferred to a new area where their Spanish sounds a little bit even different, um, if I hadn't had those two different trainers. So that was a little bit of my experience going into the mission, but you might be thinking, wow, that was that was a lot, but there is hope. One thing I want to share with you guys is I was listening to a BYU devotional that my trainer put on in probably within my first month of being in the field, and it was by my accounting professor here at BYU. And I'll try to remember to link it in the description, but it was called Christ-like transformation, and like this talk, this devotional from my first month of the mission literally changed my whole outlook, and basically it was just saying, like, change is so hard, transformation is so hard because we can't see the end results, and if we could like that would give us so much motivation. So, like, trusting in the Lord is meaning that trusting that he's gonna transform us, this change that we're going through is hard because the change we will see is going to be so great. And then she also goes on to talk about like okay, but then in that first chunk of time, you know, it's like what do you do until then? What do you do until you can see that change? Because this right now is so hard. And you just have to focus on the little things, you know. Are you drinking water? Are you doing what you can to eat healthy? And most importantly, are you focusing on Christ? And she quoted the quote from President Nelson as well about you know, the joy that we find doesn't have to do with where we're at in life, it just has to do with what we focus on, and that's so important as a missionary, and that's so obvious as a missionary, but you come to find out what that really means when you are going through that hard time, and like that's your only choice to have joy is by focusing on Christ. One thing I will recommend as well, though, is after listening to this, one I was kind of reading back on my journal, looking to, you know, talk about some of these experiences. Um, but after I listened to this devotional, my journal entries got significantly more positive. And there was there were still days where I was like, this day sucked. But um, I completely noticed a mindset shift. And something I did after listening to this too was I made a list in my journal about things I'm learning to love about Paraguay and missionary life. Because what we focus on is what we will find. And yeah, so I wrote stuff in there like, it's so green, there's so many cute little animals, there was little chickens, chickens are my favorite animal. Um, I love setting goals, seeing others through God's eyes, and focusing on Christ. I began to really like our weekly planning sessions because I felt like it was a time to set goals. I like some of the cheaper food. It it rained a lot when I got there, and I actually really love rain. Um, but yeah, and then I listed a bunch of cocita foods, and then I said how I enjoyed just like getting to know people for the first time, and then getting we would I said comedian lacae, which is like getting food in the street, so just getting little empanadas and and stuff like that, and then companions, little souvenirs, Paraguay has a lot of fun stuff that you can take home like that, and so I think just finding joy and those little things and then trying to focus on those things too, because I can't say that those were all things I enjoyed from the get-go. Like I was totally complaining about the rain when I thought I like rain, it became just such a happier experience. And then something I will recommend too is just talking to the other missionaries because everyone's gone through it, and you know, you don't have to be alone, and you're with your trainer. Um, but you know, your trainer is your trainer and they want the best for you, and they want it to be positive, and they don't want to be like, Oh yeah, this is hard. Um, because you do want to be positive, but also like everyone's gone through it, and it's like other missionaries will understand, be like, it's okay, it's gonna be okay, you can do it. Really, the thing you can do is just get through. I was was talking to an STL, like a sister training leader on my first P Day in the field, and I was telling her, like, dude, I feel like I'm not doing anything, like I don't really know what to do. And I loved she kind of told me that, like, your trainer is called to be your trainer for a reason, and you know, the mission president knows that, and you know, do everything you can to improve, but you don't need to feel bad when you can't do as much as you want to, because I definitely felt like that. And then I also talked to my mission president about this, and I was saying, I feel like I can't show love for the people because I can't talk to them, I can't communicate with them. But he was telling me how you can still show love without saying it, and even through those simple words, you can show love. And then I think just controlling what you can. Um, that's really hard because there's a lot you can't control in the mission. But taking things day by day, drinking your water, all that good stuff. And then I have I would just say practice, practice, practice. We always had to do like little practices with our companions teaching lessons, and they were kind of annoying and they were kind of exhausting, but you learn to like them more as you teach them more, and as you grow a testimony of them more too, and it just makes it a lot more enjoyable once it becomes something you don't have to like worry about so much, and it's just teaching by the spirit. And then my M there was a teacher in the MTC also who said like after the you just gotta get over the hump basically, those for four months, like right around that four-month period in the field, too, or three-month period, so like first four months, three months in the field, like you just gotta get over that hump, and you know, you might have a week where you hit a wall, um, but you just gotta keep pushing and um it'll get better in different ways, and things will still be hard, but Jesus Christ will give you the strength to push through that as well. I also think time just goes by so much faster. Also, looking back, I remember these four months of my mission, but looking back, I'm like, wow, that was so little time of my life that I was going through that, that it was so worth it. And then I also you just have to understand that the days will go back and forth. Some days will be great, you'll think, okay, like, you know, there's light at the end of the tunnel, I'm understanding things, I've got the groove of things, and then the next day it's like nothing. It's like I feel like I can't do anything. Um one thing I also did too was making sure to keep gratitude in my journal. So just trying to list something I was grateful for every day and being grateful for that. There was like a restaurant we went to in my first transfer in the mission, and I literally wrote in my journal like this was the best thing that's happened to me in two months, and because it was like a little bit more American, it was some great food, and so I think you just gotta celebrate the little things. Another thing we also did too was we celebrated, you know, every time like from our start date of the mission, we celebrated um how many months we had in the mission, which not everyone does, but I think you should. You gotta you gotta celebrate the little things, you gotta make yourself happy. Um, yeah, so I it does get better though, and just looking back at my journal, after I'd been in the field just over a month, um, I had a journal entry and I said, like, today was alright, and I'm beginning to really like missionary life. It's not always fun, but I always arrive at the end of the day with something good that happened. And I think that holds true for the whole rest of the mission. And you know, it it like there was some really hard days in there, but at the end of the day, like there was something good, and I could pick out something good that happened that day, and I could be grateful for that. And I really think that's just the important thing to do, and you know, the only way to do it is just to do it, and um, you know, the only way you can there's no way you can fully prepare yourself. Anyways, I hope this helps you as you are preparing to serve a mission, and thank you all so much for listening. If this helped you, make sure to leave a review and I would love to hear from you. Thank you, and I will see you all next week. Sincerely, Darby Lee.