21 TIME DOESN'T HEAL: Don't Let Them Die Twice, Lorenzo Donnell Marshall

In this raw and deeply personal episode—which Coach Rodo calls his own "therapy session"—he opens up about the 13-year anniversary of losing his best friend and brother, Lorenzo Donnell Marshall.

Rodo challenges common clichés about grief, rejecting the idea that "time heals all wounds" or that a lost loved one is simply "in a better place." He offers profound advice on how to live with the pain of loss, discussing the difference between moving "forward" (forgetting) and moving "ahead" (carrying on).

The episode gives listeners a critical lesson in resilience, vulnerability, and remembrance: the importance of saying their name so they don't die twice. Rodo shares how his own children saw him cry, emphasizing that it's okay for men and fathers to be vulnerable. This conversation is dedicated to anyone who needs a session of real human emotion.

#Grief #Loss #MentalHealth #MensMentalHealth #Brotherhood #Vulnerability #WinningRegardless

(01:30) - Rejecting Clichés: Why Rodo rejected the "better place" narrative at his brother's funeral.
(03:00) - Core Grief Advice: You don't "get over it" with time; you learn how to live with the pain.
(04:00) - The Equalizer Lesson: "If you don't say that person's name, then they die twice."
(05:00) - Validation: A Pastor validates Rodo's raw human emotion about loss.
(07:20) - Moving Ahead vs. Forward: The difference between forgetting and carrying on.
(08:00) - Family Connection: How his brother's passing brought him closer to his nephew and nieces.
(09:30) - Happiness in Grief: Why not all grief is bad; sometimes it's happiness at the memory of them.
(11:00) - Vulnerability: It's okay for men and fathers to cry and be vulnerable.
(12:30) - Conclusion: This is Rodo's "therapy session."

Transcript

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There's no such thing as time heals all wounds because that's a wound that time can't heal. grief can be... happiness if you choose to make it with just words, This is one of my soft points. This is real human emotion. somebody out there might be feeling the same way that I'm feeling right now. And this is helping me. This is my therapy right now. This is my therapy session. if you don't say that person's name, then they die twice. My brother Donnell, I always try to say his name, Lorenzo Donnell Marshall. I'd like to welcome everybody to another edition of Coach Rodo's Winning Regardless podcast. Today is gonna be, this one is gonna be about, let's talk about loss. So, about 13 years ago, I lost my best friend. my brother. Me and him, we share the same father. We met each other when we were seven years old. That's my father. I have a brother, father's side That's my mother. my child. We were inseparable from there. went into the Marine Corps together. We fought against each other. When we did everything that brothers do, we were inseparable. Unfortunately, he passed away. 13 years ago and that was tough on him, still tough on him. And I remember, you know, when I was at his funeral and you know, I'm in there listening to preachers and pastors. It just incensed me, you know, listening to them just, he's in a better place. He's, you know, he's doing better. He's, you know. And I know that's what they're supposed to tell you, this that and third brother. I couldn't help myself when I got up there to talk. I couldn't help myself but to tell them that, know, ah, that's bullsh*t to me. Because what's a better place than being with your children, being with your brothers, your sisters, your mom, your father? I couldn't fathom that. I still to this day can't fathom that because, you know, uh I think about it the one thing that, another thing that also upset me was hearing people say that, you know, you'll get over it. 13 years and I still haven't gotten over it. And I suspect that there's people out there who you lost. a loved one that's feeling the same way. I had a friend of mine who about four or five years ago called me and asked, and lost his sister and they were close like me and my brother. And my buddy, Corey Cunningham, and he said, Rodo you know, man, you are the only person that I know who lost somebody who was a sibling that was as close to him as my sister is to me. How do you feel? And I said, well, First thing they're gonna tell you is, you know, you'll get over it. And everybody grieves differently, you know. That's the one thing you can't do. can never tell somebody how to f*cking grieve. And that's what I feel that they always try to do with statements that they make. And I told him, said, you know, the one thing they're gonna tell you is you'll get over it with time. nah you don't I told him that flat out. said, you don't get over it with time. You just learn how to live with it. That's a pain that'll never go away to somebody that you truly love. you know, he asked me, you know, does it ever go away? I said, no, don't go away. I said, you have a better day, but then there'll be something that you'll be doing and remind you of them. And then all of a sudden, you you find yourself back in that hole. But that's part of life. That's part of grief I watching, I watched the equalizer in one of my favorite verses. or one of my favorite sayings that my man said, and I think it was equalizer two, he said that if you don't say that person's name, then they die twice. My brother Donnell, I always try to say his name, Lorenzo Donnell Marshall. And I feel that way because it meant to me that if I don't say his name, he dies twice, then that means that I've got a problem. And I never want that to be the case, and I never wanted it to be case because, again, that was the love of my life. You know, my wife, of course, but my brother was my first true love. And when that went away, it was tough for me. It's still tough for me. And again, me and my boy Corey was talking and you know, I shared a little bit of my advice to him, which was, know, try and always say her name. Try and think of all the good things that yall did. There's gonna be things that's gonna remind you of the things that yall did. Don't try to... I'm gonna try to put them out your mind. Accept them, understand them. Grieve. It's okay to grieve. Because if you love them, you'll never stop grieving. Again, I told him nobody will tell you you'll get over it, but you'll never get over it. You'll never get over it. Again, you just try to learn to live with it. My producer's father, you know. We were talking in the steam room one day and he was at the funeral because everybody knew my brother. They all knew my brother. Also, we were sitting in the steam room one day and we talking. That's when I realized that what I said was real because he said to me, you know, that he's a pastor. He was like, when you got up there at your brother's funeral and you said, You don't believe that he's in a better place. And you will never believe that he's in a better place because you believe that that better place is here with you and his son and his daughter, his wife, and all of that. said, man, that was probably one of the most realest things. This is from a pastor, and I'm pretty much talking against what he teaches. He me that was one of the realest things that he had heard because... in true human emotion. we are known as funerals There's a lot of fake human emotion. He said that's, that was one of the realest and most profound things that he had ever heard because it was again, how I was really feeling and I've always been known to be one to speak how I'm feeling. And he said he knew that I really felt that way. And he told me it was okay to feel that way. And that's when to hear it from somebody who It's taught to teach you that. Taught to teach you that death is better than living. For him to tell me that what I said was okay made me know that I would read my brother in the right way. I would read for my brother in the right way. Because I understand that. It's not that I understand this. I feel that. He should still be here. shouldn't have been taken away from. He was a great guy. It's one of those feelings of, well, I'm a worse person than him. You know, when you say the religious part of it and, you know, things of that sort. But I couldn't understand it, couldn't fathom it. Just like my buddy Corey couldn't understand it, couldn't fathom it. And he's a big church guy, you know. The only thing that I could think of was, only he could die young. You know, that song, that's what they had. Because he was a real good dude. was the best of both of us. Hands down, the best of both of us. you know, when you move somebody close to you, it's almost as if you lose a piece of you. So what you have to do is you have to, you know, find things to not replace that piece. But... to add to that piece so that that piece doesn't become so hurtful in your life that it's detrimental. I had a mentor of mine who passed away and he was a twin. Shortly thereafter, his twin brother passed away because he died of a broken heart. Couldn't leave without his brother. That was sad and I understood it, but that's how I felt. I you, when my brother passed, that's how I felt. But however I had those pieces of, I had my children, I his children, you know, too. Because now, you know, that dad that they had that was in their life is gone. So what's left is, you know, what's the next closest male to him, which was me. Now... I become uncle and father at the same time, which I have no problem with in my life because, you know, both his twin girls and, you know, his oldest son, he has a son and then, you know, the youngest son just went to homecoming court and, you know, he's on a good swimmer and going to college to swim, you know, and I love to, you know, hear about it, see about it, be about it, be here and, you know, it helps me grieve to do things for his kids. Do things that I know he would do for his kids. Do things that I know he would do for my kids if the shoes weren't there. But, you know, when you lose somebody that you love and you're close to, it's very important that you don't move on, but you go on. You carry on. You... move not forward, but move ahead. And what I mean by that is to me when we say you move forward, that means you forget. But if I move ahead, that means that it's still there, but I'm climbing the mountain slowly but steadily. oh I've talked to a lot of my friends who move people about oh these types of feelings. And it's been on my heart for about two weeks because we bought them about two and half weeks ago, we lost a really good friend that was like a cousin to us, to a bee sting that brought back a lot of memories. The type of person that he was and the amount of people that agreed. And of course, when somebody is... you know, passes away that you know, it brings back memories. And you know, oh I had to suppress those memories of my brother because it wasn't about my brother at that time. It was the loss of, he was with a really good friend. And it also brought pain, but I had to. talk to others, including his brother, who asked me about my brother, again, how we deal with it. So, in reading from my friend, I also had to be strong and able to tell my friend how I deal with the loss of Lorenzo Donell Marshall, my brother. oh And I told him what I say, say his name. every day, once a week. Just always keep him alive. You know, I told him about the little, you know, you don't say his name, he dies twice. oh I told him, it's okay to feel that what you hear about him being, you know, it's okay to feel that they're wrong. And he told me that he did feel that, because he said, and I told him about it, he said, I feel the same way. I said, I know you do. I said, because we're taught that. When someone dies, they go to heaven or hell or either way. If they were a good person, they're going to heaven and they're in a better place. we don't know that because we're dealing with the physical. And right now our pain is in the physical. And we don't want to hear that they're in a better place because they're not with us. And for him to hear from me, who also lost a brother, oh how I... internalized, you know, his death kind of helped him and it made me feel better. Because again, you know it's been 13 years, man. My wife, I'll you, I've bought like a little baby, probably once a week. Still. Because it's tough, man. Again, I got a big ass picture of him in my room, in my TV area, which I never leave. So he's always right there, but I gotta keep it there so that I can always see him. His beautiful smile. I can always see that. you know, believe it not, when I have a bad day or whatever, that kind of does help me a little bit. A little bit helps me a lot because I have to a hit. Well, just something about Donell that just, he never had a bad day, it seemed like. Because he was always smiling, he was always happy, you know, no matter his situation. you know, I try so much to emulate and be like him in that aspect of. There's nothing in a day that can be bad enough to make him not want to be here. you know, there's nothing in a day that's bad enough to not make you want to smile. You can always find something smiling about every day. And this dude is always smiling, man. And you know, I grieve. For that, I grieved that I don't get to see that anymore. I grieved that I don't get to hear him laugh. I grieved that I don't get to hear some of the new slang that he mentioned to me because, again, we were, you know, I have a brother, so he moved to Battle Creek to live with his mom. I lived with our pops, you know, he would come back on some weekends and be like, I hear the new slang word, because, you know, I, until I got older, it was kind of like... You can't go no, you gotta stay on our street in this damn area. I live in a neighborhood where there weren't no thugs. So I didn't learn much slang at, you know, like very, very young age when I left my mom. So from, I would say from eight to about 13, you know, I was like, the only slang I learned was in school for my brother. And he'd come down from Battle Creek because, you know, he was in the hood. He knew all his slang words. He taught me, know, what up, doe. That's a Detroit thing, bro. That's what we say. And, you know, there's a few of them. I can't remember them without hand, but know, what up, doe, I know he brought to me. And it was just funny. you it was, you could see how he became. were best friends. You know, I couldn't wait for him to come down on the weekend. I couldn't wait to go with my pops to battle Creek. So I couldn't wait to go there on the weekends. You know, so, you know, when you're grieving, you try to think about things like that. I'm just giving you examples of these that helped me, you know, these that helped me with my breathing for 13 years. And it's okay. You know, it's okay to cry, man. It's okay to lose it. It is okay. oh to feel bad about not having somebody that you love here. It is not a bad thing. There's no such thing as time heals all wounds because that's a wound that time can't heal. oh And that's okay. I had to learn that. I had to learn that it's okay to cry. mean, my son saw me cry lot. oh I think that really, you know, see... You know, when they was kids, the strongest person that they was in their life, which was me, you know, cried and let them know that it was okay to be vulnerable in some situations. And I think that some people need to hear this, you know? It's all right, man. mean, grief is part of life. And if you love someone, you're not grieving because they're dead you're grieving because... You're so happy that you got to spend the time that you got to spend with them. You're so happy that when you think about them, all you think about is all their good memories. You're so happy that there are things that happen in your life in a regular day situation that, you know, oh remind you of them. You know, mean, not all grief is bad. oh And we got to stop treating it like that, you know. If you love somebody and they mean that much to you, it's okay. Let that shit out, man. I needed to do this one because I've been feeling sh*tty for about three weeks, man. I needed somebody to talk to. I'm to y'all because somebody out there might be feeling the same way that I'm feeling right now. And this is helping me. This is my therapy right now. This is my therapy session. Maybe this will be your theory session. And it's okay, you know, it's okay to love somebody so much that you cry whenever you think about them. And again, ain't always bad. It's not always because they're dead or they're not around. It can be because you're just so happy at the thought of them. And that's how I feel. Because again, he was the best out of both of us. He was uh my best friend, my teacher, and thing about him, you know, he was weeks apart. His birthday is October, not even that, shit, four. Yeah, his birthday is October 19th, which is coming up, and mine is November 8th. So, you know, it's that. I was on the road with a stone type of deal, you know? And for us to meet each other and become the way that we were and feel about each other the way that I do still to this day is, it was incredible, man. It still is incredible. I go to his grave and see him because he was a Marine just like me. We joined at the same time. He went in on the buddy system. I tricked him into coming in with me. He didn't regret it, but you know it was funny because it was a last minute thing for him because he wasn't going to go college. He's like, fuck it. Like I said, he's my best friend. We met each other at seven and was in f*cking seperable until he passed. We boot camped together. We got out of the Marine Corps. We moved to the same city as each other. Sometimes we work at the same place even after we were grown ups. So that just tells you the type of relationship he and I had. And I'm sure someone else out here who's breathing, I know my buddy Cory Cunningham telling me about his sister and everything like that. I know my boy Mike Mission, his brother Mark, was like that. So, when... You know, you think of your grief, know, try to think of it as a... as sometimes being positive. When you're a bad day, when you think about it, it's gonna be terrible. It's be terrible. It's all gonna just, you know, feel the pain of grief. But try and put that around and think of the happiness in grief. I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but again, you know, grief can be... happiness if you choose to make it with just words, you know, and human emotion sometimes don't have words. And if I have any advice to give to you, it would be, you know, go have a good f*cking cry. Just let it all out and you'll feel better. uh You know, think about that person and you do say their name out loud, you know, don't let them die twice. and always remember that it's okay to feel that they would be better off with you because I feel that I would be better off with him if he was here. And I'm all right, but I think I would be better if he was here because again, he was the best of both of us. I just wanted this to be a little short one, to know, again, maybe somebody needs to hear this is my therapy session. Every once in a while we need them I know sometimes I come off a little bit rough and little bit hard. This is one of my soft points. This is real human emotion. I want my listeners to know that when I tell them shit, I'm for real, I'm not one of these. for a mic type person and I have real feelings and you know, I'm real about my shit, I'm real about this shit, I'm real about my feelings, whether I'm hurting or not. And somebody out there might need to hear it. This might be their therapy as well. oh you know, I hope you enjoyed that little conversation. My therapy session, I really appreciate y'all listening to my therapy session. And you know, hopefully you'll have your own if you suffer a terrible loss. oh Thank you