Episode 9 - Identity in Christ vs. Identity in Motherhood

Who are you when you're not "Mom"? 

This week, I ask the identity question point blank — and get honest about the ways motherhood can quietly become someone's entire identity, one dropped hobby and skipped coffee date at a time.

In this episode: – How identity quietly collapses into "just Mom" over time, and why that's not a moral failure – Why a hard season with your kids can turn into a crisis of self when motherhood is the whole identity – An anchor in Scripture: what it means to be a daughter of God first, before any role – One small, doable way to reconnect with the parts of you that aren't about mothering

Scripture referenced: Galatians 2:20 — "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me." 

Connect with Mom Is Ministry: Instagram: @MOMisMinistry Email list: https://substack.com/@momisministry

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Transcript

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Hey mama, welcome to Mom is Ministry, the podcast where motherhood meets calling. I'm Mercedes, and every week we talk real life, real faith, and what it means to raise kids while following Jesus. Let's get into it. So if someone asks you right now, not as a mom, just as you, if you have got the question, who are you? Could you answer without mentioning your kids? I have to admit that I struggle with this as well. We are on so much as moms that it's hard to find that balance. So who are you when you're not mom? Welcome back to a new episode of Mama's Ministry. If this is your first time here, I am so glad that you found us. And if you're returning, then I also thank you for coming back. Today, today we're going to talk about something that I think eventually every mom has to wrestle with a little bit. And it's the question of who am I underneath this role? We need to um we tend not to, but we tend we need to sort of ask our questions. Ask the question. We need to ask ourselves the question, who did God call us to be outside of being a mom? You know, I don't think that any of us decided to just one day stop being everything except for a mom. It's just something that happens quietly over time and it sneaks up on you. It's one dropped hobby, one part of your routine that you no longer commit to. It's one skipped engagement. It just kind of sneaks up on you. And honestly, motherhood can consume all of your bandwidth. You know, those hobbies you once had, there are sometimes personal growth goals that you set. And then even sometimes friendships, they can quietly fade away once you become a mom. You know, most days we're we're so consumed with doing everything for everybody and trying to get through all the things that we have to do that you don't really have the energy to simply do what you want to do for yourself. You know, after a long day of doing all the things, the last thing you probably want to do is a hobby. You know, you want to just rest, and that's okay too. But as time goes on, it goes from just not having the time right now to you just never even seeking to make the time, you know. Um, I was thinking to myself not too long ago how I really want to get into a new hobby. You know, it's I can't remember the last time I did something on a regular basis that was just for me, you know, something that I did out of pure enjoyment that I didn't have to do, you know. For instance, I've always been an avid reader, I've always, always loved to read, read tons of books. But as I became a mom, even simply sitting down to read a book has been a struggle. Because at the end of the day, like, what can we do on a regular that we can do uninterrupted? It's very little. So, you know, just things like that just seem to quietly kind of disappear. You know, fortunately for me, I do have solid friendships, but I have to be honest that you know, even staying connected tends to get harder and harder. And you have to be so much more intentional in this time with maintaining your friendships and close connections, you know. And when those things tend to slip away, it's not that you've made this big, you know, moral failure or anything, it's just it's something that happens, and I think it comes along with the fact that you just pour out so much every single day, day in, day out, that you don't remember to to you know get poured back into. Not just poured back into yourself, but allowing others to pour back into you. And don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being a mom. I love I love my calling as a mom. But and also I'm certainly not here to encourage you or encourage you to, you know, take the stance on putting yourself first or to belittle the calling we have as mothers, but we have to, we have to kind of um kind of point out the risk that comes along with your full identity is based in motherhood. You know, you can face, you can be in a time in your um in your life where you're simply having a hard season with your children. You know, it can be just something that is just rough in that moment, in that season. But if your whole identity is wrapped in being a mom, it can feel like a whole crisis that is on yourself. When at the end of the day, it simply is a hard day. It's not it's not that you have done anything wrong or the road's crashing down on you. You're having a hard day or hard moment, hard season. But with that being your entire identity, it makes it feel like it's directly a reflection of you, and that is just simply not true. You know, motherhood will change shape, oh, a hundred thousand times over the years, you know, it's always going to shift, it's always going to evolve, and always going to change. But being a daughter of God, that's something that will never change. That is the identity that the identity that holds you together and holds just holds in general when everything else is shifting. So it's important that we ground ourselves in that and knowing that that role never changes, but your role as a mother will. So leaning on a firmer foundation in God, then leaning on the role that changes is something that will kind of keep you grounded, I believe. You know, we could always go to the word of God to remind us who we are, not only who we are, but who we've always been and who we always will be. You know, that's where we have to stay rooted. We have to allow the word to live in us and always go back to the word of God when you're feeling off balance because I'm a firm believer that you can always find you in the Bible. I think that's something I heard it before, and I can't remember who I heard it from exactly, but I know you can always find you in the Bible, and I have learned that that to be very true. So let's look at a few scriptures to keep us grounded. So Galatians 2 and 20 says that I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. Ephesians 1 and 5 tells us that we are adopted as daughters. So let's just stop there for a second. Before we became anything else or had any other calling, we were already adopted as daughters. And as we know, as mothers, a daughter is a daughter forever. And 1 Peter 2 and 9 tells us that we are of a chosen generation, and then Psalms is uh 139 and 14 reminds us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. So those are just a few verses from the Bible to keep us grounded and let us know who we are, who we are in Christ. So that's just something that we have to hold ourselves close to. You know, motherhood is a calling that you carry, but it is not it's not the core of who you are. You know, your identity as a daughter of God, that never changes. You know, your kids will grow up, they'll start to need you a little less, they are even probably gonna get into the phases where they're pushing back a little more. You know, any of those things that life brings, your identity as a daughter of God will never change. So one thing that's you know, one thing I love to do is always, always be a little practical. You know, we can't just God gives us guidance with his word, but it's up to us to apply it to our lives and to walk out the practical steps of it. So I think this isn't just about finding like no one's gonna be able to just find these magical hours in the day that we don't have. The the the time frame of the day is not gonna change. We're not gonna decide we're gonna have hobbies and things like that, and suddenly there's 28 hours in the day versus 24. That is not how this works, but it's about finding time for you, you know, or it's not about rearranging your entire routine to force some time, so because when you do that, now is no longer even enjoyable. It's simply about just finding maybe I mean 15 minutes even a day sometimes, you know. It's about protecting that time and to remind yourself that you are you, you know, you're not just mom, you are you. So finding just a small amount of time, 15 to 30 minutes a day, to just protect that time for you for something. I mean, you could do anything, you can read a few pages of a book, you can knit or whatever it is you want to do, it's about protecting that time for yourself and doing something for you. Because when you do for you, you can do for everybody else much better. You know, just picking up a hobby you forgot all about, you know, even if it's one outing alone on a regular basis. It can be as small as going to get a cup of coffee. Go get that coffee, go get that coffee, sit there alone and enjoy that coffee while it is still hot. And that can be your regular thing, and but that's your thing, it's for you. You know, journaling for bed, journaling before bed has been something that I've kind of made a priority lately for myself. It's just that um, just time I have at the end of the day to kind of reflect, um, talk to God, and just get my thoughts out. You know, that's one of the main reasons why I'm so strict on bedtime is because I need that time alone at night. You know, I need those couple hours I'm going to get after she sleeps to be alone and just reset and wind down and take care of me a little bit. You know, I've even, you know, does something we joined the Y recently so that I can work out and they have a childcare center there. And that's something, I mean, even though honestly a lot of days, the whole getting up and going, getting her ready, I just don't want to, to be honest. So I'm there, I'm fine. And it's something that I'm doing, not as only to look good, but to feel good. Like when I work out on a daily, on a regular basis, I feel much better. So it's not about being selfish, it's about it's about being a good steward, a good steward of yourself, your mind, your body, your time. Because you can't pour from an empty vessel. You know, you take care of your children the best when you take care of you. So to close us out, I want you to remember, and actually, I'm gonna pose a question. This week I want to know what's one thing about you that has nothing to do with being a mom. Something is about you, something about you that you do, how you are, anything, anything about you that has nothing to do with you being a mom. Tell me on Instagram, tell me on Instagram, tell me in the comments, the reviews, wherever. And I want to read all of them. And also, if you have not already, please like and subscribe to us and even leave us a little review because I want you to be able to get every new episode on Sundays. So we know that I like to close out with a little bit of a prayer. So we're gonna do that now. Heavenly Father, I pray that this time has been encouraging and giving confirmation and motivation even to every mom who is listening. I pray that they remember the authority that they walked in way before they even became moms. And Holy Spirit, I pray that you lead them in wisdom so that they remember who they are in Christ and you give them the grace to have grace on themselves. I pray that this week brings a new peace and new love for each and every one of you. I pray that your minds are covered and that you are led by God so that you can continue to lead well in your household. And I pray that in Jesus' name, amen. So once again, thank you for listening. I'll be right back here next week. And next week we're going to talk a little bit about releasing mom guilds. So once again, I'll see you next Sunday, same time, same place. Thank you for listening.