EMDR WITH DANI AND ALLY

Anxiety, Boundaries, And EMDR: Learning How To Rewire The Threat

• Dani & Ally • Episode 5

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How Can EMDR Support Clients With Anxiety And Boundary Issues?

Anxiety isn’t just a feeling that shows up at work or at home—it’s often your nervous system replaying old rules that once kept you safe. We take you into the heart of how EMDR therapy transforms those rules, shifting the body from “I’m in danger” to “I’m safe now,” so boundaries stop feeling like conflict and start feeling like care. If a single email can spike your heart rate or a simple ask leaves you flooded with guilt, this conversation maps the link between past experiences and today’s panic, and shows how to rewrite it.

We break down EMDR in plain language, focusing on two pivotal phases. First, resourcing: building a toolkit that actually calms your system—soothing playlists, bilateral tapping, breath pacing, and a real support map of people who can hold hard emotions. Then, reprocessing: identifying target memories that fuel current triggers and letting the brain integrate adaptive beliefs like “I can handle this” and “My needs matter.” Along the way, we explore how “toxic” environments can echo childhood dynamics, why over-functioning feels safer than saying no, and how identity work helps you stop earning worth by doing it all.

You’ll hear practical boundary strategies you can practice today: short scripts, small safe experiments, and session-tested role-plays that make hard conversations easier. We also normalize the messy middle—where saying no feels unfamiliar—and show how to track body cues as proof that safety is growing. Expect fewer panic spirals, more clarity, and a steadier baseline that supports choices aligned with your values. If you’ve ever wondered why you keep saying yes when you mean no, or why the smallest request spikes your anxiety, this episode offers a grounded path forward.

If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who needs sturdier boundaries, and leave a review with the one belief you’re ready to rewrite. Your feedback helps more listeners find tools that turn overwhelm into steady, sustainable change.

To learn more about EMDR WITH DANI AND ALLY visit:
https://www.DaniandAlly.com
EMDR WITH DANI AND ALLY
254-230-4994

SPEAKER_02:

Hey there, I'm Danny from Ontario, Canada. And I'm Allie from Texas.

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to EMDR with Danny and Allie, your go-to space for collaborative consultation that connects and grows one clinician at a time. I'm your voice guide, not Danny, not Allie, here to introduce your host, Danny in Ontario, Canada, and Allie in Texas. Together they train clinicians around the globe and offer EMDR therapy that's as supportive as a great pair of walking shoes. Steady, reliable, and just what you need to walk alongside your clients. Whether you're a seasoned therapist or just starting your EMDR journey, you're in the right place to connect, learn, and grow without having to log thousands of miles. Let's get started.

SPEAKER_04:

Anxiety and boundary struggles often go hand in hand. Danny and Allie explain how EMDR helps clients reclaim calm and clarity. Welcome back, everyone. Millie M, co-host and producer back in the studio with hosts of EMDR with Danny and Allie. Danny and Allie, how are you? Thank you. Amazing. So anxiety is a popular topic, even a trending song about it. And let's explore how can EMDR support clients with anxiety and boundary issues.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Important to remember with anxiety that it's not just about the here and now. Um it's oftentimes clients come to us um sort of struggling with anxiety, but it's sort of making a connection between what are the old and unprocessed experiences that are activating and causing the nervous system to have a response that we then call anxiety.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. So there's plenty, there's a lot of times where it's that approach for both anxiety and boundaries and the difficulties there because both of them often have their roots in those early experiences where clients felt unsafe or powerless or unable to protect themselves.

SPEAKER_03:

For sure. For sure. So we find that we find that by reprocessing the old stuff, um, the brain can then have a shift from I'm in danger, or I can't talk about um I can't talk about how I'm feeling um in the case with boundaries, to I'm safe now, or it's okay for me to talk about how I feel, or it's okay for me to say no to somebody. Um or just to have a healthy boundary with someone in relation to something that I'm experiencing, and it will be okay.

SPEAKER_01:

It's not usually, it's not just about the here and now. It's generally our nervous system is is reacting to old, unprocessed, unprocessed things. So EMDR really helps us. It helps process those earliest, most disturbing memories that is fueling the current anxiety generally that we're feeling. So just like a client that I was working with, she has a situation going on right now. So we explored it, we talked about it, and I asked her, does this remind you of similar feelings that you've had in the past where you felt misunderstood or rejected? And after we thought about it, you know, realized, okay, the glasses I'm wearing right now are not the most clear because I'm seeing things a little bit how I did growing up with mom or sister or you whoever it was, right? So once we're able to process it with EMDR and put on a new set of glasses, we're able to take situations for face value right now and how they're happening right now, and not bringing the extra luggage or extra baggage from the past into the present as well.

SPEAKER_04:

It's very interesting because I have a friend who um struggles with anxiety, and you say it's not about the here and now, but you help process it to isolate it into the here and now so that you're not bringing that old trauma because his anxiety is connected to his job. And he's thinking it's just his job. But listening to you speak, it's like, well, this job might be reminding you of a past emotion or a past feeling, and that's why it's almost like this processor in the back of his brain. It's not a conscious thought, but it's this always ruminating thought in the back of his mind, and he'll end up in a panic attack of some sort. And it's like you can't let that job, you know, affect your health in that way, but it's more than just that job.

SPEAKER_01:

Correct. Um for example, like if you were processing memories, the brain through EMDR is able to shift from I'm in danger to I'm safe now, which is reducing that intensity and that frequency of that anxiety.

SPEAKER_03:

It's it's so true. And work environments, especially work environments that we would often describe as toxic, they are so um especially awful for people who have had challenges um growing up because they almost feel like a recreation in some sense of that, you know, of this just, you know, my needs aren't met, you know, no one's listening to me, or sort of, you know, I'm powerless, whatever the whatever the the belief is that's related to the experience, and it can just get so powerful and feel like we're we're way back um then. So that's how EMDR can really be helpful.

SPEAKER_01:

And it like those those anxiety symptoms, you know, like the racing thoughts or the panic attacks, those can tend to really soften as the brain is able to integrate those adaptive beliefs, whether, you know, I can handle this, I'm safe now, I can do this, I'm okay as I am. Right.

SPEAKER_04:

The work environment should not send you into fight or flight, but there's obviously more to it. Our brains are are very intricate things, and they can then help us, and then there are things that were meant to help us that are now we're having to adjust for. So, what phases of EMDR are most impactful for this type of work?

SPEAKER_03:

That's a great question. Um, you phase two is beautiful for uh working with anxiety because you can sort of build up some of that adaptive material that might either be missing or lacking, or uh maybe we want to strengthen some tools that already work for a client. Um I love um having a client create a playlist of songs that are soothing for the nervous system. And that is something that can be sort of used in a session within phase two. And you know, you might have some bilateral tapping that you incorporate into that, whatever the case is. Um but phase four, where you're doing the reprocessing, as Allison was talking about, bringing in all of that sort of adaptive material that's there and those positive beliefs and allowing the brain to resolve those early experiences of anxiety so that we walk away with a new felt sense of those old experiences that now we bring in to the current moment with us.

SPEAKER_01:

I would echo phase uh the phase two piece of the resourcing phases, you know, for your friend that as an example, you know, I would want to explore what are the current coping strategies? Who are his people? Who are his real people that he can really talk about things with and they can provide that emotional support, right? And they're not just the ones go for happy hour, right? Yeah, so that's a huge difference. You when you're really going through something, you need people in your corner that are really gonna be in your corner and not just when things are going great and smooth, and then boundaries. I mean, boundaries is gonna be a huge learning to say no. What is my capacity? Where when I'm saying yes to something, do I need to say no to something else? And helping people really see that in their day-to-day lives simultaneously while we're moving into phase three, four, you know, and beyond, while we're processing things. I find that continually building up those resources and the support system and boundaries are all a part of the the mixture.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

And not feeling like a bad person for saying no. Yeah. So much guilt surrounded by that two-letter word. And I'm no, I'm no professional, but I tell him you have to involve your things that bring involve yourself in things that bring you joy, whether that's singing, dancing, painting, find a hobby, gardening, you gotta have something that just brings you just pure joy that will shut off whatever those ruminating thoughts are about your job or or those frustrating things that you have going on. So we talked about boundaries. How do you help clients integrate bounding boundary setting into their daily lives?

SPEAKER_03:

Practice, practice, practice. You know, do start start small, um, and sort of then just build your confidence. Notice when you're setting a boundary, how did I feel? How what do I notice when I go inside? What do I what do I notice? How did that feel for me? Um, and just sort of practicing it, noticing that nothing bad happened to me when I set the boundary.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I would I would agree definitely, whether that's us practicing it in session, or if there's something that they really feel that they need to say, let's say to their mom, let's practice. What would you want to say in a typical situation with mom? What would you want to say to her? Say it to me. Let's practice and help because you're in a safe environment where I'm not the mom. I'm not going to be offended, right? And it practices those words. And then I also love to give resources to my clients and help them just provide that psychoeducation outside of our time where they are whether listening to books, reading other books, researching and learning about boundaries, because a lot of times people don't understand that boundaries are really helpful and they're really needed and they're not mean. It's a necessary piece to actually self-preservation and caring for yourself when you're able to have healthy boundaries.

SPEAKER_04:

So I think I've said this on another show. I I heard someone say boundaries are a way to keep you in my life, not to keep you out. Because you know what I'm saying? If if I set the boundaries, I care about you enough to say this is what I'm willing to tolerate and this is what I'm not, which means I want you here under these parameters, you know. And I know at one point as a single mom of four, I was saying yes to a lot of things. And I almost wore being overwhelmed as a badge of honor. Like people say, Oh, you, you know, I've I've got so much on my plate. That's not a good thing. You know what I'm saying? I would almost just take pride in the fact that I could juggle all these all these balls in the air. And I had to kind of analyze where that came from, where I find my my strength or my value in being able to take on as many tasks as possible. So that's where I had to say, okay, this is what I'm willing to do for this person or that person or this organization, and had to start creating boundaries of my my own because, you know, there's there's no medal for doing it all.

SPEAKER_01:

It you know, it's it totally goes back to our identity, you know. What am I putting my identity in, my value in? Is it what other people say about me or think about me, or is it also coming from within? And I think that's an ongoing life question, right? We're always asking for sure when you're in middle school, high school, 20s, you know, but you reevaluate that your whole life. Okay, who is telling me my identity? Where is it coming from? And so I think those conversations are a huge part of boundaries. Are you letting mom set the tone of who you are, or are you letting that come from within? I'm using mom as just an example because you know, a lot of stuff goes back to mom and dad and how we grew up, you know? Um so yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Where did that, where did the that emotional learning happen? Where did I learn that I couldn't say no? That I had to say yes, that saying no was, you know, meant I was a bad person, or you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

And so are are parents or family order, or do you find that is um a specific theme, or are there any uh target memories that you see come up consistently in people who have problems with boundaries?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, it can it can come from it can come from sort of um family systems where people felt like their their needs weren't respected, um, or that they just, you know, if they if they said no, then you know, somebody would be upset with them and so sort of wouldn't honor how they felt. Um, certainly. And so uh those earlier experiences are really helpful to um do some reprocessing work with. Um, but also um practicing the skills of just you know, changing things, rewriting the story, yeah, allowing ourselves to behave differently.

SPEAKER_01:

And helping be a mirror to our clients because when things keep repeating themselves, bringing that into the counseling space of I've noticed that you've said this, that seems like a similar pattern for you. What do you think about that? And then being able to see those patterns in their lives, you know, is is a huge first step to be able to then practice doing it a different way. And it's going to feel uncomfortable because it's new and it's different, right? And the other was familiar, but the outcome was not what you wanted. So we have to try something new, or we're gonna keep getting the same outcome.

SPEAKER_04:

Definition of insanity, right? Well, thank you for being a mirror and being uh those people who can help help us unpack with such clarity. Thank you so much, Danny and Allie. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02:

Hey there, I'm Danny from Ontario, Canada. And I'm Allie from Texas.

SPEAKER_00:

That wraps up another insightful episode of EMDR with Danny and Allie, where our slogan, collaborative consultation that connects and grows, one clinician at a time, isn't just catchy. It's our mission. Want more tools, training, or just need to ask Danny or Allie a question? Visit Danny at Ally.com or call or text 254-230-4994. Thanks for tuning in. And remember, the best healing starts with connection.