Bank on Your Neighbor: The Audiobook - Chapter 10

What if finding financial freedom was more like dating than deal-making? In this chapter, Mel Doman shows you how building trust, connection, and genuine relationships is the real secret to landing seller-financed deals. From word-of-mouth networking to direct mail strategies, coffee conversations, and even “driving for dollars,” Mel breaks down six proven ways to find the right seller—and why fear, rejection, and even “no’s” are part of the process.

You’ll learn how to turn everyday conversations into opportunities, why community is your biggest asset, and how to build a reputation that opens doors long before contracts are signed. This isn’t just about buying property—it’s about co-creating freedom with the right partners.

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Transcript

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Hi, friend. I'm Mel Doman, real estate investor, former social worker, TEDx speaker and financial activist. And this, this is Bank On Your Neighbor, the podcast. You're probably here because you felt it too, that the system wasn't built for us. That building wealth shouldn't mean selling your soul to Wall Street or crossing your fingers every time a bank says no. That there has to be another way. Well, there is, and this podcast is my free gift to you. That's right. Free, no paywall, no audible subscription, no gatekeepers standing between you and the knowledge that can change your life. Because here's the truth, just because something's free doesn't mean it isn't valuable. Sometimes the most valuable things, clarity, empowerment, freedom, don't come with a price tag. They come with purpose. I created this podcast because I'm on a mission to decentralize wealth, to take power out of the hands of billionaires and put it back into our communities. Each episode is a chapter from my book Bank on Your Neighbor. Read by me. It's my way of making sure this knowledge reaches the people who need it most without a single algorithm getting in the way. We'll walk through the real strategies I use to go from dumpster diving in my twenties to building a multimillion dollar portfolio in my thirties without banks, without credit, and without compromising my values. We'll talk seller financing, community centered investing. And creative ways to build wealth that actually serve people, not exploit them. But this isn't just a podcast, it's a movement, a radical reclaiming of power, a blueprint for creating more community-minded millionaires and fewer billionaires extracting from our neighborhoods. Every chapter builds on the last, so I recommend listening in order. I'll drop links, visuals, and extra resources in the show notes to help you take action. Not just absorb information and if something in an episode strikes a chord, send it to someone you care about. That's how we spread financial literacy. That's how we grow a movement. That's how we rise together. Welcome to Bank on Your Neighbor. Welcome to the movement. Let's build something together. Chapter 10, seeking Liberation Partner alone. We can do so little together. We can do so much. Helen Keller. Imagine if finding your financial freedom were as easy as posting an ad on Craigslist or signing up for a dating app. The Post might read Seeking Financial Liberation partner with a brief description of its benefits. Then swipe left until you see the property of your dreams and the seller that comes with it. If only it were that easy, everyone would be doing it. But the truth is seller financing has a lot more in common with dating than most people realize. Finding the right person to partner with might mean kissing a few financial frogs before you find your castle. And just like dating, you'll attract better matches when you become your best self first. Hit the financial gym. Learn the language of money. Know your own deal breakers. Oh, and pro tip, talking about commitment on the first date. Almost always a bad move that goes for real estate too. New investors often get so eager to land a deal that they forget. One of the most important ingredients in any lasting relationship, trust without it, sellers get spooked, and when that happens, they'll ghost you faster than someone who's still emotionally unavailable. In this chapter, we'll explore the proven ways to find a seller who's not just willing but excited to partner with you towards shared financial freedom. And here's the good news. This process isn't as easy as downloading an app. Yes, I said, good news. Why? Because most people won't do it. And that means less competition for you and more opportunity to build real person to person connections. Seller financing is different from most real estate transactions because it forms a long-term relationship between buyer and seller. You're not just buying a building, you are entering into a financial collaboration. And that kind of partnership works best when both parties care about each other's needs, even after the ink dries. So where do you begin? Often, the first place to look is your own community. People you already know and trust. And once you've explored those connections, it's time to venture out into the wider world, talking to strangers about buying their property. Of course, it feels vulnerable. It's supposed to. Anytime you move towards something bigger, fear is part of the package deal. But here's the good news. Fear doesn't mean you're not ready. It just means you're doing something that matters. Most of us were never taught how to believe in ourselves or how to move through fear without letting it shut us down. That's why I included exercises in the accompanying Level Up playbook. The same tools I give my coaching students to help them build bravery from the inside out because nobody deserves to stay stuck just because no one ever handed them the tools. Once you're ready to find your seller partner, forget the dating apps and keep reading the word of mouth method. The first method for finding a seller to partner with in your path to financial freedom is simple, timeless, and wildly underrated. Word of mouth. Just telling people what you're looking for can activate your entire network to start searching on your behalf often without even realizing it. It's like that phenomenon where you start thinking about buying a red Toyota and suddenly it feels like the whole world is driving one. That's not magic. It's a brain trick called the Bader Meinhof phenomenon. When your brain learns something new, it starts noticing it everywhere. When you name your goal out loud, I'm looking for a property and a seller who's open to creative terms. You are planting a seed in the minds of everyone around you, even if they don't immediately know someone. Subconscious goes to work. Tell 10 people and you might get lucky. Tell a hundred you're now tapping into the hive mind of your entire community. You're not just solving your own problem, you're waking up imaginations. You are giving others permission to dream bigger for themselves too. But before you shout it from the rooftops, get clear on your criteria. What kind of property are you looking for? What neighborhoods make sense for your goals? Who do you already know that might have equity or know someone who does, who trusts you enough to refer you to someone else? Once you've got clarity, start talking. Tell friends, family, coworkers, your dog, groomer, your hairstylist. Tell your mail carrier I did. He noticed which homes were vacant, which ones were getting prepped to sell, and became one of my best early intel sources. This method works not just for real estate, but for everything. Let me tell you a quick story. My friend Janelle Isaacson Etzel is the founder of the first B Corp real estate brokerage on the west coast, and one of the fiercest women I know, a total force of nature. She found her husband using this very strategy instead of swiping through dating apps, Janelle tapped into her community. She printed a few hundred beautifully designed booklets, outlining exactly what kind of partner she was looking for, complete with incentives. Whoever made the winning match would receive a custom piece of art for their home. It was cheeky, heartfelt, and strategic. After a few months of meh dates, a friend introduced her to someone who turned out to be the perfect match. Today, they're married, thriving, and still telling the story of how community helped them find each other. If you wanna hear the full tale, check out her podcast, joy Punk, episode number 11. If a few hundred personal referrals can help someone find a life partner. Arguably a tougher match than a seller finance deal. I promise your community can help you find someone to sell you a property. Learn from local owners one cup at a time. If you've tapped out your own network, don't worry. Your next opportunity might just be one coffee away. Start reaching out to people who are just a step or two ahead of you. Look for local property owners who have what you want, rental properties, longevity, or even just a good story. Then ask them to share how they got there. Nothing makes someone feel more seen than being asked to tell their story. You don't need a script. You just need genuine curiosity and a cup of coffee. Walk up to them at a community event or send a kind message that says something like, hi, I admire what you've built. I'm hoping to get into real estate myself, and I'd be honored to hear how you got started. Can I take you to coffee and learn from your journey? You'd be surprised how many people say yes. Why? Because being asked for advice makes us feel useful. It reminds us how far we've come, and it opens the door for connection without pressure. These conversations don't have to be slick or salesy. They're about building real relationships with people in your neighborhood who already own real estate and learning what worked for them. Here are four powerful questions I use to guide these conversations. How did you get to where you are today? What challenges did you overcome? What advice would you give to someone just getting started? Do you know anyone who might be open to selling a property through seller financing? The first three, build trust and unlock wisdom. The last one, that's the quiet gold mine because by the time you ask it, they've already emotionally invested in your growth. Now they're imagining how they might help you and even picturing you as a potential buyer for something of their own. Sometimes they'll say no. Other times they'll hand you names and occasionally beautifully, they'll lean in and say, well, actually, I might be looking to sell, no matter the outcome. This method does more than build your portfolio. It builds your reputation as someone who is curious, respectful, and worth trusting with something as valuable as equity. And once someone recommends you to someone else, trust transfers. You're no longer a stranger. You're someone who comes pre-approved. Just remember the key is follow up. Every connection is a seed. Keep checking in. Stay top of mind because when the owner finally decides to sell, you wanna be the first person they think of work with a realtor who gets it. The last way to leverage your community to find a seller financed opportunity is by partnering with a realtor who understands creative financing. And let me be real with you, not all of them do. To find the right agent, start with a simple Google search in your area using keywords like seller financing, realtor or creative real estate agent. You can also call some of the top brokerages in your area and ask the front desk to connect you with an agent who specializes in investor deals. Once you've got a few leads, it's time to vet them. Here are the questions I recommend asking boldly and unapologetically. How many seller finance deals have you personally completed? Do you own any investment properties yourself? How many transactions do you typically close per year? Why does this matter? Because most realtors are never trained in seller financing. It's not covered in most licensing courses. So if your agent hasn't done the deal themselves, they might slow you down or worse unknowingly sabotage the deal. And this isn't about blame, it's about alignment. Think of it like hiring a fitness coach. If you're training for a triathlon, you wouldn't hire someone who's only ever taught yoga. They might be fantastic at what they do, but they're not the right partner for this goal. Trust but verify your dreams are too important to leave in the hands of someone who's guessing. Once you've built a relationship with a capable investment savvy agent, ask them to help you reach out to specific properties that interest you, especially those that have been sitting on the market for a while. Longer than average days on market is often a green flag. It signals the seller may be open to more flexible terms. Multifamily owners in particular are prime candidates. Why? Because they often want to avoid a massive capital gains tax hit, and seller financing can help them with that. I've personally helped clients secure interest rates 2% below market interest only. Payment terms, now payments half the size of what a bank would require. While adding a realtor into the mix can sometimes add complexity, the right agent will unlock doors not close them. They'll advocate for creative structures, protect your interest and help everyone feel at ease with an outside the box deal. Because at the end of the day, real estate is a team sport and choosing the right teammates makes all the difference the direct mail marketing method. Once you've tapped out your personal network, it's time to meet new people and one of the best ways to do that. Send a letter. Seriously. Direct mail still works. It may sound old school, but I use this method to land my first two duplexes. And while it takes a little courage, some creativity, and a dash of patience, the returns are real. This is how direct mail works. Think about your own mailbox. What do you usually toss out first? Flyers, bulk ads. Those weird coupons for laser hair removal and duct cleaning. Most mail goes straight to the recycling bin. So if you're going to stand out, your letter has to feel different. More like an invitation than a pitch. More birthday card. Less junk mail. When I was a kid, my favorite time to sort through the mail was around my birthday. I wasn't looking for phone bill. I was hunting for those hand addressed envelopes, stuffed with cash from grandma, the colorful stamps, the odd sized envelopes. They practically screamed. There's something special in here. Even as a kid, I could spot the signal of care and intention. Take a page from grandma's playbook. Use a style envelopes the kind used for weddings and announcements. Pick matching stationary that fill snug and intentional. Choose a neutral stamp like flowers or landscapes, not a marketing ad or a flag. Hand address the envelope if you can, or hire a high schooler with neat handwriting. Your goal is to wrap your letter in a way that says, this isn't junk. This is from a real person. Now let's talk content. Most investors write cold, generic letters like, I'll pay cash and close fast. That's not a relationship, that's a transaction, and most sellers can feel it. We're going to do it differently. We're writing an invitation, not a sales pitch. Here's the formula I use. Mention their property. I drive by your duplex on 1, 2, 3 Main Street every day. Be neighborly. I live just down the road. Stay neutral. No politics, no assumptions, no guilt trips. Skip seller financing. Talk for now. Keep the door open, not closed. Here's a template to get you started. First name, last name, mailing, street address, city, state, zip. Dear first name, I drive by your property, type at property address every day on my way to work, and I just had to reach out. I believe in investing in my own neighborhood, and I'd love to chat about your goals for the property, whether that's now or years from now. It's never too soon to start a conversation. You can reach me directly at 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know your time is a gift With gratitude, Mel Doman. Step-by-step, how to send letters that get responses. One. Source your list. Reach out to your local title company. Explain that you're an investor looking for properties in a specific zip code. Property types and owners with lots of equity, ideally 10 plus years since the last transaction. Promise them you'll use their escrow services when you close two. Scrub the data, remove duplicates. Nothing kills the vibe faster than sending two letters to the same person. Update addresses annually to stay current. Three mail merge. For a personal touch, you want your letter to feel like it was written just for them. Use Microsoft Word or Google Docs free mail merge feature. Pull in their name, property address, and any notes you have when the seller opens it. It should feel like a neighbor reaching out, not an investor spam blast. Step four. Prep your letters. Print your letters, hand sign each one. Use beautiful envelopes and steps. Hand address the envelopes or pay someone about 25 cents per letter to help. Step five, batch your letters to keep them manageable. Instead of flooding your calendar with tasks, write four letters upfront. One for each quarter, send 50 to a hundred letters per week. Remove sellers who respond from future mailings. Think of it like planting seeds. Every letter you send is a chance for something to grow, but here's the thing, not everyone who receives your letter will be polite. Some might just call to vent. Others might be holding the key to a hundred thousand dollars deal. Either way, you'll want to know when it's a seller on the line. Use an app like Google Voice or Sideline to create a dedicated number. Set a clear voicemail asking callers to leave their name, number, and property address. Keep it professional. It's part of your brand. When that number rings, you answer even if you're elbow deep in laundry or halfway through tacos. Because when someone says yes to your letter, that's momentum. That's magic. That's the door opening. Don't miss it in the beginning, you'll wear all the hats. You'll be the CEO, the intern, the marketing department, the letter stuffer, the spreadsheet jockey, and the person Googling. What's a balloon payment at 2:00 AM That's normal. And honestly, that's good for a season. It builds muscle. It teaches you what matters. It reminds you why this work is worth doing. But eventually, if you want to grow, you've got to buy back your time. Not because you're too good to lick stamps, but because your hour is worth more When spent doing the things only you can do. Here's the mindset shift. If your time is worth $50 an hour and you can pay someone $10 an hour to handle the task that slow you down, that's not an expense. That's an investment. It's also a tax write off, and more importantly, it's how you stop building someone else's dream and start building your own. Take 10 minutes to do this right now. Step one, make a big, messy list of everything that drags you down. Think admin work, email editing, errands, and repetitive tasks. Step two, circle anything that doesn't directly make you money. That's your delegation list. It might include drafting and sending letters, organizing property leads, scrubbing data lists, managing your inbox, booking travel, updating your CRM, posting ads, cold calling if you hate it. You don't have to do this alone. There are amazing people out there who want to help. I personally work with Start Virtual, a company that helps me place and train VAs. They manage the behind the scenes work so I can show up to seller calls, focused, present, and not drowning in 42 open browser tabs. Whether it's someone to organize your systems, respond to inbound leads mail, merge your letters, log seller details after a call. Keep your pipeline warm. A VA can change your entire rhythm. Presence is a power move, and when you're juggling too much, you're not present. You're scattered. You miss the nuance. You fumble the follow up. Delegation isn't about doing less, it's about doing what matters Better build your funnel and celebrate the nose. Once you've started setting letters, the phone is ringing. Sellers are trickling in. Now it's time to understand how this all fits into your bigger picture, your seller funnel. A seller funnel is just a fancy way of saying you cast a wide net, then guide people through the process. Not everyone who hears about you will say yes. That's not a failure. That's a funnel doing its job. Most won't respond immediately, but some will. Those responses move closer to the middle of the funnel where conversations happen eventually, a few will make it to the bottom. An agreement to sell your job isn't to get a yes from everyone. It's to move the right people down the funnel at the right time. Most people give up too early. They send 20 letters, get 19 nos, and they decide this doesn't work. But in reality, every no is just a breadcrumb leading to your yes, let that sink in. You are not failing. You are sorting your testing, your learning, and every call, every meeting, every, sorry, not interested, sharpens your skills. That's why I teach my students to celebrate the nos. It means you're taking action. It means the funnel is working. It means the yes is getting closer. When someone does respond to your letter, that's a pivotal moment. Don't wing it. Track it like a pro, whether you use a spreadsheet, a CRM tool or a simple notebook, keep tabs on property address, seller name, key details from your conversation, their motivation to sell, follow-up, date and method. This isn't just paperwork, it's your trust ledger. Review your notes before every call so you're not repeating yourself or forgetting what they've shared. I once followed up with a duplex owner for two years before they finally said yes. That deal paid off big, but only because I didn't drop the thread. And remember this mantra, the fortune is in the follow-up. This phrase isn't a gimmick, it's gospel. Most deals don't happen after the first touchpoint. They happen after the fourth or the seventh or the 11th. So follow up with grace, with consistency, with integrity. The seller may not be ready yet, but when they are, you'll be the only buyer who kept showing up taking the call. When your direct mail campaign lands and someone calls you back, that's the moment you've been preparing for. And yet, for many people that first call is terrifying. What do I say? What if I sound awkward? What if they hang up? All valid fears, but get this. You're not just making a deal, you are making a connection. And the fastest way to build trust is to treat that call like a conversation, not a transaction. Start with a smile. Yes. Literally smile when you pick up the phone. Why? Because people can hear it in your voice. It softens the energy. It signals openness. Plus smiling helps you relax. It lowers cortisol, and let's be real. This stuff is vulnerable for both sides. Start the call with a calm, upbeat tone. Something like, hi, this is Mel. I'm so glad you called. I'd love to hear more about you and your property. That's it. Don't jump straight into the numbers or ask if they'll finance. You lead with curiosity, not control. You're going to be tempted to gather all the facts. What's the price? How much do they owe? What condition is it in? But here's the thing, you're not just buying a property. You are building a relationship, and relationships are built on empathy. So instead of a checklist, look for connection points. Are they retired? Have they owned it for decades? Do they seem frustrated with managing it? People like people who like them and who are like them. We're hardwired to trust, familiarity, and shared values. So talk to them like you're already on the same team, because if this deal works out, you will be and avoid the common mistake getting right to the point. I get it, you're excited. You wanna ask, would you be open to seller financing and get a quick yes or no? But when you rush, you send a message that says, I only care about what I can get. That's not who we are. We're building win-win deals, not hit and run transactions. So on the first call, your primary job is to build comfort, establish rapport, and set a face-to-face meeting. That's the real goal. Don't pressure them. Invite them. Once you've established a friendly tone and made a good impression, say, this has been great. I'd love to meet in person and hear more. Would you be open to grabbing coffee or meeting at the property sometime this week? Most people will say yes, especially if they like how you made them feel. After the call. Take the time to learn everything you can. Use the city assessor website to look up property taxes and ownership history, drive by the property if possible. Note its condition and neighborhood. Use tools like Rent a Meter to estimate market rents. Look up recent sales nearby for comps. This prep shows you care. It tells the seller I did my homework. It also helps you sound informed, not pushy. In the next section, we'll cover what to do once you're face to face, how to read body language. Build trust in person and keep the conversation flowing naturally. But for now, focus on making that first call. Feel easy, relational, and real, because long before the seller says yes to your offer, they have to say yes to you driving for dollars. The third way to find potential sellers is a little old school, a little adventurous, and honestly kind of fun. It's called Driving for Dollars. The concept is simple. As you're out and about, keep an eye out for properties that catch your attention and jot down their addresses. Maybe there's a charming old building you admire on your daily commute, or maybe you spot a house that's looking a little worse for where the kind that makes you think. I bet the owner has handed this over to their heirs. Either way, if a property peaks your interest, write it down and dig deeper. Once you're back at your desk, once you've compiled a list of intriguing addresses, it's time to reach out. Plenty of skip tracing tools can help you uncover private contact information for the owners, or if you wanna keep it simple and free. Many cities have tax assessor websites or GIS tools where you can find a property's mailing address. From there, you have options. Pick up the phone to introduce yourself or add the address to your master list for your next direct mail campaign. And then there's my favorite wild card move, talking to the neighbors. If it feels safe, I'll sometimes knock on the door of a nearby home and strike up a conversation. A neighbor might know whether the owner still lives there or they might just share a little intel about the property. Occasionally, I'll even chat with the tenant if the property is occupied. You'd be surprised how much you can learn from a simple, friendly conversation if you're planning to walk up to someone's door or drive around unknown neighborhoods. Use common sense and caution. Bring a buddy if you can. Let someone know where you are and when you'll be back. Don't enter fenced yards or private driveways. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. These are the same precautions we use as realtors. It's just part of being smart. Why does this method work? Most people won't take this extra step. They want deals to show up in their inbox, shrink wrapped, and ready to go. But when you get out there and actually observe your market, you'll see things algorithms miss. You'll find stories that haven't been listed. You'll meet sellers who are waiting for someone like you to come along. This isn't just about finding a property. It's about turning your eyes to opportunity and learning how to see it before anyone else does the online search. If the internet is good for cat memes and questionable life hacks, it's also good for finding your next seller finance deal. While some owners will toss your beautifully crafted letters straight into the recycling bin, others are scrolling Craigslist or Facebook quietly hoping someone like you will reach out. That's where this method shines digital platforms where frustrated landlords are already trying to solve a problem. Let me tell you a story of how my coaching student Soha doubled her portfolio online. She wanted to expand her midterm rental business with more condos, but instead of just browsing listings, she noticed something intriguing. Owners who failed to sell through a realtor were now trying to rent their properties out often on Facebook marketplace. So she reached out, not with a hard pitch, just a human message. Hey, I saw your rental listing. If you're ever open to selling instead of renting, I'd love to chat. And guess what? One in five replied yes. Within a few short months, Soha had doubled her cashflow and built lasting relationships with sellers who were waiting for the right buyer to show up. Try browsing Facebook Marketplace. Search Under Homes for Rent or Homes for Sale by owner Craigslist, both the rental and the real estate sections. Offer up and next door. They're more local, more casual and less saturated. Landlords posting here often are frustrated with turnover or bad tenants. They're trying to save on realtor fees or they're uncertain about what to do with their property. They're not waiving seller financing welcome signs, but they are waiving. Help me figure this out. Signals, and that's your invitation when you message someone online. Keep it short and sincere. Hi, I saw your listing and I admire the property. I'm an investor who lives locally and sometimes buys directly from owners. If you're ever open to a conversation about selling now or in the future, I'd love to connect. That's it. Let them decide if they're ready. If not, no problem. You've planted a seed and seeds grow in silence before they break ground. Trying new platforms or sending cold messages can feel weird, vulnerable, even a little cringey at first, but remember what MLK said. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step. Every message you send is one step closer to the conversation that could change your financial future and theirs. Let's take a breath and recap what we've covered by now you've learned six different ways to find seller finance deal, word of mouth, activating your community's hive mind coffee conversations, building trust with local property owners, realtor partnerships, leveraging expertise with clear alignment. Direct mail, crafting compelling letters that start real relationships, driving for dollars, spotting overlooked opportunities in your neighborhood or online outreach on digital platforms like Facebook, marketplace and Craigslist. Each method is more than just a tactic. It's an invitation to connection with people, with possibility, with your own power. Because when we stop viewing our communities as obstacles and start seeing them as collaborators, everything changes. When we awaken to what's possible right outside our front door, we give others permission to imagine a different future too. You don't need to do all six methods at once. Just pick one, start there, show up consistently, and stay curious enough to keep listening for the story behind the property. The most important shift in this chapter isn't logical, it's relational. You're not just hunting for deals. You are inviting someone to co-create freedom with you. That kind of opportunity can't be rushed. It's earned with trust, transparency, and presence. The good news, you now have the tools to begin. In the next chapter, we'll move from finding a seller to structuring the deal, what makes it fair, creative, and sustainable for everyone involved. You'll learn how to uncover a seller's true motivation, which terms to include for flexibility and protection, and how to ensure the agreement creates long-term value on both sides because. When a deal is built with intention, it becomes more than a transaction. It becomes a legacy. Let's go.