Bank on Your Neighbor: The Audiobook - Chapter 11

Trust, not money, is the real currency of creative real estate. In Chapter 11 of Bank on Your Neighbor, Mel Dorman unpacks why authentic relationships—not perfect spreadsheets—are the foundation of seller financing. From building social capital to active listening and mirroring, Mel shares practical tools that transform conversations into partnerships. You’ll also learn how to present yourself with credibility, explain seller financing in plain language, and foster genuine trust that lasts beyond the deal. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about closing fast—it’s about building something real, together.

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Transcript

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Hi, friend. I'm Mel Doman, real estate investor, former social worker, TEDx speaker and financial activist. And this, this is Bank On Your Neighbor, the podcast. You're probably here because you felt it too, that the system wasn't built for us. That building wealth shouldn't mean selling your soul to Wall Street or crossing your fingers every time a bank says no. That there has to be another way. Well, there is, and this podcast is my free gift to you. That's right. Free, no paywall, no audible subscription, no gatekeepers standing between you and the knowledge that can change your life. Because here's the truth, just because something's free doesn't mean it isn't valuable. Sometimes the most valuable things, clarity, empowerment, freedom, don't come with a price tag. They come with purpose. I created this podcast because I'm on a mission to decentralize wealth, to take power out of the hands of billionaires and put it back into our communities. Each episode is a chapter from my book Bank on Your Neighbor. Read by me. It's my way of making sure this knowledge reaches the people who need it most without a single algorithm getting in the way. We'll walk through the real strategies I use to go from dumpster diving in my twenties to building a multimillion dollar portfolio in my thirties without banks, without credit, and without compromising my values. We'll talk seller financing, community centered investing. And creative ways to build wealth that actually serve people, not exploit them. But this isn't just a podcast, it's a movement, a radical reclaiming of power, a blueprint for creating more community-minded millionaires and fewer billionaires extracting from our neighborhoods. Every chapter builds on the last, so I recommend listening in order. I'll drop links, visuals, and extra resources in the show notes to help you take action. Not just absorb information, and if something in an episode strikes a chord, send it to someone you care about. That's how we spread financial literacy. That's how we grow a movement. That's how we rise together. Welcome to Bank on Your Neighbor. Welcome to the movement. Let's build something together. Chapter 11, the currency of connection. If you wanna go fast, go alone. If you wanna go far, go together. African proverb. Most people think investing is about one thing. Money. You've probably heard the phrase, it takes money to make money, but in seller financing, that's only part of the truth. The real fuel isn't financial capital, it's social capital trust, not dollars is the deal maker. In fact, the most valuable currency in creative real estate is the kind you won't find in any bank account. It's the trust you've built from showing up, helping out in doing what you said you would quietly, consistently. That's social capital. Picture it like a garden. Every genuine connection is a seed. Every act of integrity is a drop of water. Over time, those small efforts bloom into relationships that bear fruit, opportunities, referrals, partnerships, not because you're flashy, but because you're trustworthy. Here's the best part. Social capital is available to everyone. No matter how broke you are, no matter where you start, you don't need a high credit score. You just need character, consistency and care, because at the end of the day, seller financing isn't about slick pitches or perfect spreadsheets. It's about relationships. It's about two people looking each other in the eye and saying, I trust you enough to build something together. Up until now, we focused on reimagining your relationship with money. This chapter takes it deeper. We're going to reimagine how you relate to people. The techniques in this chapter aren't just for closing deals, they're life skills, tools that can elevate every connection you build, because the quality of your relationships doesn't just affect your real estate game. It affects everything. Removing barriers to connection. Driving through my neighborhood, I can't help but notice the speed bumps, the kind that force you to slow down and maybe save a kid chasing a ball in the right place. They're lifesavers on a freeway, a total disaster. Building rapport works the same way. If we're not intentional, we create unnecessary speed bumps that kill momentum before trust even gets a chance to grow. To build authentic connections with sellers, we need to clear the road of common report killers. These are the things that make us feel slick instead of sincere transactional. Instead of trustworthy. Here are a few of the biggest speed bumps to watch out for investor ego bragging about your portfolio or focusing too much on ROI instead of mutual gain scripted communication. Relying too heavily on canned pitches that feel robotic or self-serving. One-sided motivation. Talking about what you want without asking what they need. Rush to close energy, treating the relationship like a race instead of a collaboration. Now let's talk about the elephant in the room. Other investors, many sellers have had bad experiences or heard horror stories. They've dealt with people who made promises they didn't keep or tried to extract every last dime from a deal without care for the human on the other end. If we want to stand out, we need to show, not tell that we are different. That starts by creating a space where people feel emotionally safe to talk about their financial reality. This isn't about manipulation, it's about compassion. It's about making someone feel seen. As a former therapist, I used to help clients open up about deeply personal stories, grief, trauma, family conflict. The key wasn't having the right advice. It was creating the right energy. No judgment, no rush, just presence. And in real estate, it works the same way. If a seller's senses even a trace of hidden agenda, they'll pull back and they should. When that happens, take a beat and ask yourself, am I leading with curiosity or control? Am I here to understand or to convince? If it's not a fit, walk away with grace. Keep an abundance mindset. There are other deals, and the right ones won't require you to force trust. As Dale Carnegie put it in, how to win friends and influence people. The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. Your job is to be that rare individual. In the next few sections, I'll give you the tools to do exactly that technique one, curate your personal presentation. When you meet a seller for the first time, everything about you is speaking even before you say a word, your outfit, your posture, where you choose to meet, how you carry your materials, it's all telling a story. So the question is, what story are you telling? I usually suggest meeting at a seller's property, not mine. Why? Because it puts them at ease. Plus it tells me a lot. I can learn more from the art on their walls, the way they care for their lawn or the shoes by the door than I ever could over zoom. That said, trust doesn't mean ignore your gut. Before I go, I always text a friend the address, share my live location, and sometimes bring a buddy who owes me a coffee anyway, free. Bodyguard energy. Yes, please. Your safety matters just as much as your strategy. A few quick tips on physical presentation, dress clean and neutral. You don't need a three piece suit, but you also don't want to show up looking like you just left a protest or a power lifting gym. Let your clothes say I'm responsible and relatable. Bring a folder or binder, ideally leather or high quality. Don't fumble around in a backpack full of wrinkled papers. This is your moment to communicate trustworthiness before you even open your mouth. Respect their space. Take off your shoes if it feels appropriate. Compliment something genuine. Let them feel like the host. Remember, this isn't about putting on a persona. It's about putting people at ease. You are helping them feel safe enough to trust you with something that matters deeply to them. Their equity, their home, their future. That trust begins the moment you walk through the door. Technique two, mirroring. Mirroring is the quiet art of making someone feel at ease fast. It's not manipulation, it's rapport building. You subtly reflect aspects of the other person's body, language, vocal tone, energy, or pace. Why? Because people naturally feel more comfortable with those who seem familiar. Mirroring helps create that familiarity even with a stranger. Let's say you get a call from a fast talking numbers driven business person. Clearly in between meetings, they're short on time, high on efficiency. You don't respond with a long-winded story about your investment philosophy. You match their tempo and get to the point totally understand your busy. Let's set a time to connect in more detail what works for you. Now picture the opposite. A Softspoken retired school teacher with a twinkle in her eye and time to chat. In that case, you slow your pace. You lean into the conversation. You smile more, you listen longer. Sounds like this property has a lot of history. What's been your experience of owning it? Neither version is more right? The key is flexibility. Mirroring says, I see you. I respect your rhythm, and I'm here to meet you where you are. This doesn't mean copying people like a parrot. It means attuning your energy to theirs so that trust can grow without friction. Practice this daily. Start with your barista, Uber driver, or even a friend. Notice their energy. Are they upbeat or reserved? Animated or measured? Try adjusting your own rhythm. Not to fake something, but to create flow. With time, it'll become second nature, and once it does, mirroring becomes one of your most powerful tools. Not just for negotiating deals, but for connecting with anyone. Technique four, active listening. If mirroring is how you match someone's energy, active listening is how you earn their trust. It's the difference between having a conversation and actually making a connection. Most investors start with questions like, what's the bed and bath count? How much are you asking for? What's the rent roll? There's nothing wrong with those questions, but they turn the conversation transactional before it ever becomes relational, and in seller financing. Relationship is the deal. Instead, start with questions that invite real stories and deeper insight questions like, what first drew you to this neighborhood? What's it like owning this property all these years? How has the area changed since you bought? What would selling this place allow you to do next? What made you reach out? Now, these questions do more than gather data. They say, I see you. I care about your experience. This isn't just a building. It's about your life as they respond. Your job is simple. Listen, like it matters. Reflect what you hear, paraphrase it in your own words to confirm, understanding, nod, smile, respond with empathy. Ask thoughtful follow-ups. Don't interrupt. Don't correct. Don't rush. Avoid judgments at all costs, even if what they're saying doesn't make sense to you. Especially then lean in with curiosity, not critique, as my couple's therapist loves to say, you can be right. Or you can be in relationship. You're not there to win. You are there to understand if a seller pushes back on something, pause. Often resistance isn't about the terms. It's about not feeling heard. When someone says no, try reframing the conversation by offering more clarity, not more pressure. Let your curiosity be bigger than your ego still hitting a wall. Here's a mindset shift. Imagine the negotiation isn't happening across the table, but side by side, you and the seller, shoulder to shoulder facing the problem together. That simple visualization can shift you from adversary to ally. And one more thing, be patient building a relationship, especially one involving major financial decisions rarely happens in a single meeting. Set the expectation early. I'd love to meet a few times to really understand what matters most to you, so we can co-create something that works for both of us. You're not rushing the close, you're building a foundation explaining seller financing to a seller. When people hear a new idea, especially one involving money, their inner skeptic kicks in, fists up eyebrows raised tiny accountant and boxing gloves ready to brawl. You can't blame them. Most of us have been burned before by shiny promises that didn't deliver. That's why when I talk to sellers about seller financing, I use what I call third grade English. No jargon, no acronyms, no pressure, just simple language that cuts through confusion and builds trust. I don't begin with, how much are you asking? I ask what number would make you dance around your kitchen after the sale? That's what they actually care about, what ends up in their pocket, and then I gently walk them through the costs. They may not have factored in realtor commissions, repairs after inspections, escrow fees, title charges, taxes. A standard sale can shave nine to 11% off their net proceeds. That means to actually walk away with $425,000. They might have to list for $460,000 or more and then hope the market agrees. I lay this out on paper with them as we talk. Numbers don't lie, but they do need translation To spell it out, I'd say Quick math says you need a list price of around$460,000 to safely net you $425,000. Do you think buyers are lining up at that number or will it turn into real estate purgatory, the seller with a sigh? Well, probably purgatory. I nod in agreement. Exactly, and I know how you feel. It's like when I went to resell my practically new Tesla. True story. I bought it for $40,000, fell outta love in six months and went back to the dealership. Their generous offer, $20,000. I nearly choked on my complimentary dealership latte. Kelly Blue Book said 30,000 tops, but my stubborn pride insisted on listing it at $40,000. Anyways. Weeks went by the price dropping like my pride until finally at $32,000 I had an epiphany. What if I changed just one word in the listing? We'll take payments. Boom. My inbox lit up like a Vegas casino on payday. People couldn't pay a lump sum cash, but monthly payments, totally doable. Win-win. They got a car and I recovered my $40,000 plus interest. Then I turn to the seller and say, you see where I'm going with this? Right? Do you own your house outright, or mostly if they do, I say, how much rent are you collecting now? Or how much could you, perhaps they say $2,500. Then I ask, and after repairs, vacancies and expenses, what would you actually keep? They think for a moment, maybe 1,900. I smile, great. What if I just paid you$1,900 every month instead? Without the clogged toilets, broken water heaters, or 2:00 AM my oven stopped working texts, that's when it clicks. They don't have to lose the income when they sell the house, and instead of trading their income for a lump sum, they get predictable income backed by a property they already understand. Don't wait for objections to pop up. Address them proactively. You're probably wondering, why wouldn't you just go to the bank? I chuckle. Then I explain. Banks are slow. Banks are rigid. Banks don't reward creativity or flexibility, but you can. You get to make the rules, and in exchange I can offer you a higher price and better terms. I remind them, most sellers take their proceeds, lose a chunk to taxes than park the rest in a savings account, earning one to 2%. Then I offered this instead. What if your property became your best performing investment? You'd earn six, seven, even 8% interest on your own equity monthly, like clockwork. No tenants, no property manager, just mailbox box money and suddenly they're curious, engaged, and powered. Sometimes the best way to explain seller financing is through a story, or in this case a tree. It goes something like this. Think of a rental property like a fruit tree. When a seller first bought that property, it was just a sapling. It didn't bear much fruit, maybe even cost more to maintain than it produced. But over the years, with care and patience, the tree grew, equity accumulated, cashflow increased. Eventually it started producing consistent fruit month after month, year after year. Now, fast forward, the seller's getting tired. They've spent decades tending to this tree, dealing with tenants, maintenance and unexpected expenses. If they're ready to retire, simplify or move on. So what do they do? They sell it, but when they sell, it's like taking an axe to the tree down it goes. No more fruit, no more equity growth, just a pile of cash and a stump. Sure they can burn the wood to heat themselves for a while, just like they can spend the lump sum cash on retirement travel or medical expenses. But once it's gone, it's gone. They'll never harvest another piece of fruit from that tree again. And that stump, that's the cost of sale. Realtor, commissions, repairs, escrow fees, closing costs, and taxes. You can't take the stump with you. It's what's left behind after the equity has been chopped up. But what if there's another way? When a seller offers financing, they're not cutting the tree down, they're passing it on. The buyer steps in to tend to the tree, nurture it, expand it, and in return, the seller continues to harvest fruit. Not from the work of managing tenants, but from interest payments month after month, the tree keeps growing, the fruit keeps coming, and both people get to benefit from its bounty. This is what seller financing makes possible, the continuity of wealth, the preservation of legacy, and the chance to co-author of future instead of walking away from the past. And if you zoom out from one tree to the whole neighborhood, you get a forest. Imagine more homeowners doing this, keeping wealth rooted in the communities where it is built. Imagine neighborhoods full of equity bearing trees, fruiting not just for individuals but for generations to come. A forest of financial interdependence built, not on extraction, but on shared value. As someone who lives in Portland, Oregon, a city literally nestled in a forest. I think about this metaphor a lot. What would our neighborhoods look like if we thought of real estate? Not as a one-time cash out, but as a living system of mutual growth? Seller financing lets that tree keep feeding the people who planted it and gives new stewards a chance to build something beautiful too. The process of closing. So far, we've covered how to build rapport and explain seller financing in a way that opens minds and builds trust. Now let's zoom out and walk through the process of what happens from first contact to closing the deal. Think of this as your relationship roadmap. One that takes you from Nice to meet you to we have a deal, one initial contact, whether the call comes from a letter, a referral, or a knock on the door. It starts the same way. Hi, my name is Mel and I'm a local investor looking to buy a property in the area. Are you still the owner of 1, 2, 3 Main Street? If they say yes, don't launch into your pitch. Build a bridge. First two, build rapport. I usually say something casual like, great, I'm just getting started in real estate. This would be my second rental. What's been your experience owning in this neighborhood? It's not about the hard sell, it's about the connection. I look for off-ramps in the conversation places where we share a laugh, a value, or a life experience. People trust people who are like them. So search for common ground. These moments build trust far faster than any spreadsheet ever will. Three fact finding. Once you feel that trust building, meaning the seller's relaxed and engaged, it's time to start gathering key info. What's their motivation to sell? What's the condition of the property? Do they have a price in mind? Is there an underlying mortgage? Do they need the money for something urgent? Here's the most important piece. Identify the real problem they're trying to solve. It's rarely just about selling a property. It might be about retiring, relocating, reducing stress, paying off debt, gaining stability. If you don't know their why, you can't craft a solution that sticks. And if the seller isn't motivated right now, no problem. Ask, when do you think you might be ready to sell? If they say six months, follow up in three. Timing is everything, and you wanna be top of mind when they're ready. Four handle objections. Seller financing is unfamiliar to most people. Be prepared to address their concerns with education, not pressure. Break it down. Simply use stories, visuals, and questions that invite them into the process rather than talking at them. Remember, objections aren't rejection, their requests for reassurance. Five. Present a solution. Once you understand their needs and the facts of the property, it's time to present a strategy that solves as many other problems as possible. This is where the magic happens, because when your offer makes their life easier, when it gives them more peace, more income, fewer headaches, they'll choose you over the highest bidder every time. In later chapters, we'll dive into the deal structures that you can use to craft these kinds of solutions. But for now, just remember this. Your job is to bring clarity, care, and creativity. When you solve real problems, the money follows fostering credibility. When you ask a seller to finance a deal, there's one big question looming in their mind, why should I trust you? Fair question. If someone asked you to lend them$400,000, you'd want more than a firm handshake and a friendly smile. That's where credibility comes in. This isn't just something you get, it's something you earn. Through preparation, through transparency, through the signals you send even before you speak. That's why I never walk into a seller meeting empty handed. I show up with a secret weapon tucked inside a leather binder. The buyer credibility book, think of it as your great first impression in binder form. It's like showing up to a first date with a bouquet and a plan. You don't look desperate, you look ready. You're not just providing documents, you're telling a story. I'm the kind of person who follows through. Include any of the following that applies to you. Two years of tax returns with your social security number, redacted pay stubs or proof of income, proof of funds for your down payment, your credit score report, a job verification letter, profit and loss statements if you own rentals, proof of reserves, six months. Preferred pre-approval letter from the bank, which can be bonus credibility, a personal resume. References from a landlord, employer, or past seller photos of past projects or properties. A simple net worth cheat, showing your assets and your debts. You're basically handing them what a bank would ask for, but doing it with a human touch. Don't just throw everything in a manila folder with coffee stains. Remember, presentation equals perceived character. Use a clean professional binder neatly. Organize each section. Use tabs or dividers to make info. Easy to find. No typos, crumples, or chaos. You want the seller to think if this person takes this much care, organizing a binder, they'll probably take even better care of my payments. But maybe you're a first time buyer. No problem. You don't need a million dollar resume to be credible. You just need to show you thought through their risk. A great place to start is your credit score. Think of it as your financial reputation. It tells lenders, Hey, I've got a solid track record of paying my bills on time. You can check your credit score for free@annualcreditreport.com. Have a low credit score. Ask a trusted family member or friend to add you as an authorized user on their credit card without giving you a card. You benefit from their good credit history and it can boost your score within months. Don't have income. Structure the deal so it's self-sufficient and cash flows. Get pre-approved for a small personal loan or line of credit to show lenders trust you. No real estate portfolio yet. Lead with character references, employers, mentors, people who'd vouch for your integrity. Don't qualify solo. Consider adding a co-signer or a business partner who brings financial strength to the deal. Not ready yet. That's okay too. Your job is to build capacity while you learn. Improve your credit score, save more. Practice your pitch. Every step counts. The goal isn't perfection. The goal is preparation. Sellers don't expect you to be a real estate mogul, but they do wanna see that you take their equity seriously, that you're thoughtful, responsible, invested in the process. Whatever you do, don't try to compensate for weak credentials with inflated promises or sky high interest rates. It might get you a yes, but it'll wreck your cash flow, and if the deal fails, your reputation instead, offer creative safety nets a bigger down payment, a co-signer. Interest only payments to protect cashflow because when a property cash flows, it doesn't foreclose. No one loses if the math works. From the start, the buyer seller relationship starts with how you show up. Show up like someone who's worth betting on and watch the doors open. When I did my first seller finance deal, I didn't have much money or experience, but here's what I did have. Professionalism, preparation, and a willingness to solve the seller's problem first. That collaborative approach built the trust we needed to form a solid partnership. One that cash flowed, and that's the secret sauce. Focus on trust and solving their problem, not yours. That's how you create solutions where everybody wins. You made it through one of the most important chapters in this book. While it might not have had the flashiest charts or the sexiest acronyms, what we've just covered is the difference between forcing deals and forming partnerships. Because seller financing isn't just about the numbers, it's about people. And people don't say yes to spreadsheets. They say yes to someone they trust, and now you have the tools to become that person. You've learned how to build trust instead of pushing a pitch. Listen like a collaborator, not a competitor. Talk about seller financing in a way that's simple, honest, and exciting. Show up prepared with a credibility book that screams, I'm ready, present yourself as a problem solver, not a taker. And most of all, lead with integrity, not just ambition. That's what sets you apart from every other investor in the inbox. Not flash, not funds, but trustworthiness. And here's the wild part. This skillset doesn't just close deals. It strengthens marriages, it deepens friendships. It makes you the kind of person who creates safety everywhere they go. In the next chapter, we'll talk about how to know when a seller is actually a good fit for this kind of creative deal. I'll walk you through the green flags of seller financing, the clues, cues, and subtle signals that tell you yes, this seller is ready to do a deal. You'll learn how to recognize alignment, avoid dead ends, and identify the four negotiation levers you can adjust to create a true win-win. Because crafting the perfect deal doesn't start with crunching numbers on a spreadsheet. It starts with understanding the person across the table.