Bank on Your Neighbor: The Audiobook Podcast

Bank on Your Neighbor: The Audiobook - Chapter 16

• Melissa Dorman • Episode 19

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Fear whispers. Doubt lingers. And yet—what if you rose anyway?

In this chapter, Mel Dorman shares the raw, unglamorous truth of building financial freedom: it isn’t just about numbers on a spreadsheet, it’s about courage, mindset, and community. From 5 a.m. pep talks in a foggy bathroom to the neuroscience of rewiring your thoughts, Mel reveals how resilience and reframing fear become the true foundations of wealth.

Discover why courage is contagious, how to reprogram your nervous system to hold more possibility, and why the people you surround yourself with can make—or break—your future. If you’ve ever wondered how to keep going when fear shows up dressed as logic, this is your reminder: you don’t need to wait until you’re ready. You just need to do the hard thing anyway.

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Hi, friend. I'm Mel Doman, real estate investor, former social worker, TEDx speaker and financial activist. And this, this is Bank On Your Neighbor, the podcast. You're probably here because you felt it too, that the system wasn't built for us. That building wealth shouldn't mean selling your soul to Wall Street or crossing your fingers every time a bank says no. That there has to be another way. Well, there is, and this podcast is my free gift to you. That's right. Free, no paywall, no audible subscription, no gatekeepers standing between you and the knowledge that can change your life. Because here's the truth, just because something's free doesn't mean it isn't valuable. Sometimes the most valuable things, clarity, empowerment, freedom, don't come with a price tag. They come with purpose. I created this podcast because I'm on a mission to decentralize wealth, to take power out of the hands of billionaires and put it back into our communities. Each episode is a chapter from my book Bank on Your Neighbor. Read by me. It's my way of making sure this knowledge reaches the people who need it most without a single algorithm getting in the way. We'll walk through the real strategies I use to go from dumpster diving in my twenties to building a multimillion dollar portfolio in my thirties without banks, without credit, and without compromising my values. We'll talk seller financing, community centered investing. And creative ways to build wealth that actually serve people, not exploit them. But this isn't just a podcast, it's a movement, a radical reclaiming of power, a blueprint for creating more community-minded millionaires and fewer billionaires extracting from our neighborhoods. Every chapter builds on the last, so I recommend listening in order. I'll drop links, visuals, and extra resources in the show notes to help you take action. Not just absorb information, and if something in an episode strikes a chord, send it to someone you care about. That's how we spread financial literacy. That's how we grow a movement. That's how we rise together. Welcome to Bank on Your Neighbor. Welcome to the movement. Let's build something together. Part three, from integration to action. Chapter 16, doing the hard thing. Anyway, the biggest gap in your life. Is that between what you know and what you do? Bob Proctor, my alarm screamed as if it were personally offended by my existence.

5:

00 AM My hand flailed eyes still closed. Dread already tightening its grip around my chest, like a weighted blanket I never asked for. Dad was gone. I had quit my job. I had $16,000 and a dream so alive. It kicked common sense to the curb. I stumbled into the bathroom hoping it might have answers. The light buzzed. The tile was cold. I sat on the closed toilet lid wrapped in a towel, and desperation I reached for my notepad, my paper therapist. The pages were warped from steam and smeared with old toothpaste, but inside lived a magic spell. I was still learning how to cast. Fear says I can't. I will do it anyway. Fear says, go back to bed. I will rise anyway. Fear says this life is for other people. I will live it anyway. I didn't need to believe it yet. I just needed to say it out loud because fear doesn't come with fangs or a warning sign. It shows up in sweatpants with a clipboard and says, let's be realistic. It sounds like your mother, your ex, your guidance counselor who told you to play it safe. It offers you safety in exchange for your spark. But every morning I rose anyway. With a hot run and a cold shower. I wrote mantras, like prayers and whispered them like secrets. It was messy, it was ridiculous, and it was holy, and that is how I built the life I have now. One slightly unhinged bathroom, mere pep talk at a time. One act of sacred courage after another. That's why this chapter is called Doing the Hard Thing. Anyway. It's a nod to my favorite podcast called We Can Do Hard Things, hosted by Glennon Doyle, Amanda Doyle and Abby Wambach. A show about human resilience in an increasingly complex world. A reminder that our ability to rise doesn't come from perfect conditions, but from remembering who we are, underneath it all resilient, resourceful, and worthy. We can be tender and terrified and still take the next right step to build financial freedom, especially from scratch. You'll need more than tactics and tools. You'll need the most important asset of all, a deep understanding of yourself because the kind of portfolio we're building here isn't just made of properties. It's made of inner scaffolding. Strong enough to hold the vision and that inner strength, it grows fastest when reflected and reinforced by a community that sees your potential even on days. You forget it yourself. We don't become brave by avoiding fear. We become brave by walking straight into it, or as Glennon puts it, the braver I am, the luckier I get. Wealth starts from within. Most financial books stop at the surface. They hand you formulas and spreadsheets as if freedom can be found in a calculator. But you and I both know that's not the whole story because seller financing isn't just about structuring terms, it's about who you become in the process. The kind of person who can walk into uncertainty, ask bold questions, think creatively under pressure, and stay rooted when the stakes feel high. That kind of confidence. It's not built in a spreadsheet. It's built in you. This chapter isn't about more information, it's about transformation because abundance isn't just something you build, it's something you practice. And the most valuable real estate you'll ever develop is the space between your ears. Since I can't be there beside you with a whistle and orange slices, and believe me, I would, I'll offer you something better. The tools to become your own best coach. When I was a therapist, I witnessed people do what once seemed impossible, get sober, leave abusive relationships, start again from nothing, and transformation. It never looked like fireworks. It looked like something quietly whispering. I'll try again tomorrow. Change is rarely dramatic. It's subtle, stubborn, built on a thousand small choices made in private. It begins when we stop reacting and start getting curious about what we believe. And that brings us to the tool I relied on most in both my clinical work and my real estate journey. Your mindset is the deal. Cognitive behavioral therapy, CBT is based on a deceptively simple idea. Your thoughts shape your feelings. Your feelings, shape your behaviors and your behaviors shape your life. It looks like this. Your circumstances, they're just raw data neutral, but your brain doesn't leave anything neutral. It immediately starts spinning a story like, I'm not cut out for this. They're judging me. This deal is gonna fall apart. And that story determines how you feel. Your feelings drive what you do next. If you feel defeated, you hesitate. If you feel hopeful, you try again. Same facts, different thoughts, entirely different outcomes. Let's make it real. Two people lose their job. One spirals thinking, I'm a failure. The other reframes, this is my opportunity. Guess who's binging Netflix and who's closing on a fourplex in six months? Thoughts aren't facts. They're seeds. The ones you water shape the life you live. So if you wanna change your life, start by examining the thoughts that are shaping this one. That's why I made the level of playbook to help you explore your inner world with intention. Inside you'll find practical exercises that teach you to notice your thoughts, challenge them, and choose new ones, even when fear is riding shotgun. These tools aren't fluffy. They're gritty, neuroscience backed, designed to help you retrain your brain, build courage on purpose, and take action aligned with the future you want to create. You can find the Level Up playbook@meldorman.com because transformation isn't just a concept, it's a practice. And the more you practice choosing differently, thinking differently, feeling differently, responding differently, the more natural it becomes. The most powerful insight CBT ever gave me was this, I am not my thoughts. I am the one watching them. And every time you realize that, you get your power back. But here's where it gets really interesting. Every thought doesn't just shape a feeling, it also releases a chemical. Your emotional patterns are biochemical habits. When you've been running the same fear-based thoughts for years, your body starts to expect those chemicals like a morning cup of coffee, cortisol, adrenaline, shame, panic, familiar, even if they're awful. So when people say, why is life always so hard? This is why it's not fate. It's a feedback loop they're living in. Your body is used to a certain chemical stew, and without knowing it, you subconsciously recreate situations that reproduce it. Yes, you can become addicted to anxiety, addicted to drama, even to your own stuckness, but the good news, you can also retrain your body to crave something better. That's where embodied visualization comes in. When you spend time daily imagining the person you want to become. Not just what they're doing, but how it feels to be them. You begin releasing new chemicals, confidence, calm, creativity. You rehearse the future in your body before it shows up in your life. At first, your nervous system will resist. It will crave the old story, the old emotion, the old pain. But if you keep practicing, keep showing up, keep imagining. Keep acting like the person you're becoming. Your body will catch up. It will start saying, yes, let's get more of that. When I left social work to become an investor, I used these same tools I gave my clients reframing, rewiring, retraining. I became someone who could walk into rooms where I once felt small and say, actually, I have something to offer, and now I'm handing you those same tools. Because building wealth isn't just about learning the numbers, it's about retraining your nervous system to hold more possibility. Seller financing is your classroom. One moment you are explaining a balloon clause to someone twice your age. The next, you're navigating a seller's uncertainty or crafting a creative win-win that scares your inner people pleaser. This is where your inner rewiring becomes your deal structuring edge, because clarity, under pressure, calm negotiation, that's mastering your nervous system in action. It gives you daily opportunities to stretch your beliefs. To rewrite your stories, to build trust in yourself through action. Not because you feel ready first, but because you've practiced the future you want in both mind and body. And when your inner world changes, your outer world starts to reflect it. It won't happen all at once, but it will happen if you keep showing up and keep choosing actions that align with the life you're here to create. The voice that shows up right on cue. Now just when you're starting to visualize a better future, just when your nervous system is adjusting to new thoughts, just when you've decided to pick up the phone, send the offer, or finally act on what you've been learning, that's when it shows up. You know the voice, the one that sounds like logic, but smells like fear. The one that quotes your worst case scenarios like scripture, the one that always, always, always shows up the moment you're about to do something bold, that inner saboteur. That anti self. I gave mine a name. Gary. Gary shows up like clockwork part know-it-all. Part nervous wreck. One minute he's confidently quoting financial advice from 1987. The next he's spiraling because I opened a Zillow tab. Perhaps you've met the type. He says, you're not ready. You're being unrealistic. This will never work. Gary thinks he's protecting me. Really, he's just regurgitating every past voice that told me to sit down and be grateful. So I gave Gary a personality, a name, a seat at the table, and then I stopped letting him drive the decisions of my life as if he were me. Your version of Gary will show up right when you're doing the very thing that could change your life. Like when you finally get a callback from a direct mail campaign, you answer heart pounding, and on the other end. Rejection dismissiveness, maybe even a hangup. That scared inner voice seizes the moment. See, you're bothering people. This is a dumb idea. You're not cut out for this, but that's when you take a breath, you remind yourself. Rejection isn't a prophecy, it's just part of the path, and your anti self doesn't get to make the map. Now, when Gary speaks up, I pause and ask, what would I do if I trusted myself more than I trusted this scared little voice? That one question, it can change your whole life because the moment you realize that you are not the voice in your head, you are the one listening. Everything shifts. You don't wait until the fear disappears. You move forward with it, hitching a ride. You make the phone call with shaky hands. You walk into the room before you're convinced you belong there. You stop performing enoughness and start knowing it from within, and that's where true liberation begins. Not just the kind that shows up in your bank account, but the kind that settles in your soul. It starts in your thoughts, but it doesn't end there. It ripples outward into your calendar, your offers, your real estate deals, your daily choices. That's the kind of freedom seller financing unlocks, not just as a financial tool, but as a new way of relating to power. Not extracted, not imposed, chosen. When you reclaim your thoughts, you reclaim your future, and no one, not Gary, not the bank, not the gatekeepers. Get to stop you from building it. Proximity is power to tend to your inner thought garden. You'll need reinforcements because transformation doesn't happen in isolation. It happens in a room full of other brave souls whispering me too. The problem is most of us try to change our lives like we're lone wolves. We white knuckle our way through discomfort, convinced that if we're strong enough, we could do it alone. But strength isn't isolation. Strength is interdependence. We are tribal creatures. Our nervous systems are wired to sink with the people around us. We catch moods like colds. We mirror behaviors without realizing it. So if you're trying to build a life of boldness while swimming in a sea of doubters. You'll end up treading water exhausted and unsure. But when you place yourself amongst people who are living the way you want to live, who are making offers, knocking on doors, buying buildings, flipping fear into action, then the extraordinary becomes ordinary. Courage becomes contagious, and you start to rise by proximity. That's the quiet magic of community. It makes normal what once felt impossible. That's why community is the leverage for change and it's backed by science. In 1961, psychologist Albert Bandura conducted a now famous experiment known as the Bobo Doll study, where children observed adults interacting with an inflatable clown doll. When the adults acted aggressively, so did the children. When the adults were gentle, the children followed suit. What Bandura discovered was something profound. We don't just learn by being told. We learn by watching. By modeling, by absorbing the norms of the groups we're part of. In other words, behavior is contagious. And because your brain can only track so many people about 150, according to the Dunbar theory, those slots, they're precious. You don't need a bigger network. You need a better aligned one. I learned this when I made the leap from social work to real estate investing, which to be clear, felt a lot like coming out of the closet. Except instead of announcing I was gay, I was confessing. I liked cash flow and financial independence, and honestly the reactions were shockingly similar. People who once cheered me on for burning out in the name of a good cause, suddenly looked confused, like I'd switched languages, mid-sentence. When I mentioned seller financing, I got blank stares when I talked about building wealth. I got that tight smile people give when they're trying to be polite, but are deeply uncomfortable. At first, I internalized it. I thought maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was abandoning something noble. Maybe I shouldn't want this much. But then I realized their reactions weren't about me. They were about them, their fears, their conditioning, their unspoken rules about who gets to want what. So I stopped letting their discomfort dictate my direction. And here's what surprised me, the more I trusted myself. The more I noticed who was willing to walk with me and who wasn't. Some people leaned in, others faded out, and it wasn't personal. It was just alignment because here's the truth, no one wants to say out loud. Not everyone is meant to go with you. The people who helped you survive one chapter may not be the ones who help you thrive in the next, and that doesn't make them bad or you ungrateful. It just means your paths are diverged, and that's okay. At first, I tried to contort myself to stay palatable, to keep the peace, to make everyone comfortable, but eventually I realized I wasn't too much. I was just in the wrong rooms. If your light is making people squint, it might be time to find a room of people who are lit up too. Which brings me to something I do with my coaching students, the friendship audit. Don't worry, this isn't about cutting people out. It's about getting honest about the energy you're swimming in. Grab a notebook and write down the 10 people you spend the most time with. Then ask yourself, do we share values and aspirations? Do I feel safe, energized, or seen in their presence? When I talk about my goals, do they support me or subtly shrink me? Are we growing together or just repeating the past on loop? Can I be fully myself with them or do I filter? Now comes the tender part, reflection. If someone doesn't feel aligned, this isn't about blame. It's not about cutting people off with dramatic speeches or turning relationships into a checklist of worthy or unworthy. It's about being honest with yourself about the season you're in and whether your circle reflects the life you're trying to build. Sometimes all a relationship needs is a real conversation. Other times it needs space. Letting someone move into the background of your life doesn't mean you don't love them. It just means you're choosing to make space for people who are headed where you're going. Think of it like Marie coning your relationships. Thank them for what they gave you. Bless the season you shared, and release them gently with love. Not because you're better, but because you're becoming, because here's what I've learned again and again. The people around you shape what you believe is possible. So choose a circle that stretches you towards courage, not comfort. Find people who remind you you're becoming. Especially when you forget who reflect back your strength on the days it feels far away, and who keeps showing up so you can keep showing up too. That's not just encouragement, it's momentum. And no, you don't have to do this alone, but you do have to be brave enough to choose who gets a front row seat because healing doesn't happen in isolation and neither does building wealth. So show up, stay long enough to be changed and watch what becomes possible when you do it together. From inspiration to integration, here's your next brave, slightly awkward, entirely worth its step. Go find your people. Yes, that means showing up to a local real estate meetup. Even if your inner introvert is screaming, especially then ask questions. Listen more than you speak, offer to help in small, honest ways. You don't have to impress anyone. Just connect because when you sit in a room of people who are fumbling forward anyways, something inside you shifts. You stop feeling like the only one trying and that shift, it matters more than any spreadsheet ever will. Seller financing might look like numbers and negotiation, but underneath it all, it's this becoming the kind of person who can hear no and keep going. Someone who chooses progress over polish. Someone who leads with curiosity, not perfection. That's why I created an online community, not just to teach the how, but to support the who. We share real wins, talk through real challenges. Stay in motion together. Because when one person closes their first deal, it's not just their victory. It cracks something open for the rest of us. It turns a possibility into a path. That's how movements start. Not with gurus and gatekeepers, but with ordinary people daring to try. And when we try together, that courage multiplies. So if you're wondering where to go next, how to keep this momentum alive, come find us. The conversation continues@meldorman.com. You'll find strategy stories and the kind of support that doesn't end when the book does. But before you close this book and march out to change the world, or at least your corner of it, I've got one last chapter for you. Think of it as our final team huddle. The part where I grab you by the shoulders. Look you in the eye and say, alright, let's get in the game.