Fashion below the belt

The cheeky rants within your pants. Fashion faux pa's.

Food, fads and favourite meals.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Janet and Jane, Janet and Jane, Jane and Janet. Hello Mary from Eastbourne. The delightful Mary, thanks for being with us again. So we're talking about our passion for fashion and how it's changed and some very strange fashion. Fashion. Very, very strange fashions that we've found. I I I'm I'm struggling with some of the fashions, I'm not gonna lie. Okay. What's this about, you know, men wearing these jeans halfway around their bum and then their pants coming out? I mean, what's that all about? What what why do you want to show your pants off? See now the thing that gets me about that is it was a signal to men in prison that you were available to what they do walking down. Well, this is this is what I mean. These children these children don't understand that it was actually a signal that you were available for rumpa de bumper. But oh dear lord. Oh, did you not know that bit? Well, I I just don't understand why they walk down the streets then. What are they expecting to do? I always don't like walking up. I wanna pull them up. Pull your trousers up.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

If that's the case, I'm gonna get a pair of brasses.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

Okay. Um but yeah, there's lots of um very strange fashions. Very strange fashions. Cod sandals with socks. What? Oh yes, those slider things! Yeah. What's all about? These plastic flip-flops. Which is well, they're sliders, yeah. Okay. With the white ankle with white ankle socks. Yeah. That seems to be a new fashion, doesn't it? I I don't get that either. No. I mean, aren't sliders supposed to be things that you wear in the summer when it's hot and therefore you have your feet in them to let them be cool rather than. I don't know. I don't know. I don't get it. I mean you couldn't really wear them around a swim pool. I don't know, but could you wear that around a swimmer pool with your socks on then you get soaking wet? I don't know. I I honestly I it it befuddled me. Totally befuddled me. It's a bit strange. It is a bit strange, but you were going to say something else, weren't you? Yeah. Didn't you didn't you do a bit of research? I did a bit of research. I'm wondering whether this still takes place now, if I'm honest. Because you know, cod pieces. Cod pieces. I always thought a cod piece was a piece of fish. You go to a fish and chip shop and have a piece of cod. Cod. Yeah. Normally it would be. No, it's a cod piece for aggression. Aggression. Aggression, yep. Okay. Tudor men. Tudor men. Yep. Who knew? What oversized stuffed cod pieces. I want to know what a cod piece looks like. I might have to look at that one. Part as part of their tunic, um, and it was designed to look like their penises were erect. Oh. So yeah. What's that all about then? They're they're like a cup that holds all of the bits together. Do you know like Yeah, but if your penis is erect, it's up straight, isn't it? If it's in a cup, how's it up straight? I I can't quite I'm gonna have to Google what they look like. Go on then. But then why is it for aggression? You know, is it like they're gonna be fighting? Cockfighting. Cockfighting. Puts a whole new meaning on things, doesn't it? It does. Um sorry Mary. Sorry, Mary. But um I'm going to cod piece look like I hope I don't get done for googling this. I don't know, go on. You shouldn't do because you've you've already now is it cod piece as in P A P E I C E. Because is it a piece? Is it at peace? It's a piece. But is it at peace? There you go. Oh that's pies. There you go. Right, that's images. Sorry. Oh my word. They look a bit odd, don't they? Don't they just it looks like a nut. See that's the way the word nut nuts came from. That's just ridiculous. Well that looks like the dog sniffing it. Oh my goodness. Why? You can't see this, Mary. It's disgusting. Well, no, but look, apparently it's in fashion now. What, to have a cod piece? Yeah, look. What's a ton? One day fashion. It's a ton. Well, it's gabardine. Is it gabardine? Is that what that pattern's called? Is it like a check? Check is like a gabardine. I don't want to go too wide on ink. It looks like a but apparently it's it's in fashion these days. But it actually looks like a nappe. Yeah. And it's oh mm. No. What's that all about? It's all about men wanting to make their willies look bigger. What an extension it's like it's just padding, isn't it? It's just padding. But does that mean they're not comfortable with how I mean look at that soldier? I mean that shouldn't be allowed. That's gonna have somebody's eye out. How's he gonna sit on a horse like that? Can you make a battle with that? I mean it's gonna be moving on. Well, we're sort of in the same area. We are? And I mentioned earlier to my learned friend You did about a Merkin. Yeah, I I if you hadn't Googled it, I would have not believed you because. Right, so I think you made the word up. I'm gonna ask you. I'm actually gonna tell you exactly what it says when I googled it. You ready? Oh, really? Merkin is a pubic wig worn by people after shaving their mom's pubis for decorative purposes or erotic devices. But originally it was because people would shave because of lice. That's just disgusting. I know, but they would shave it all off to get rid of the lice and then wear a Merkin to cover their foof. Do they still wear them now? Yes. Yes. Does that mean they're still covering it? You can get help for lice these days, shouldn't they? No, no, no. They do the shavy bit because it's it's grooming, isn't it? And it's it's more clean. It's clean, it's keeping your area clean. Yeah, but then you're gonna go and put what's the point of shaving it, putting a wig on it. I mean the whole purpose of wearing on it. If you like it, then you should have put a wig on it. You attach the wig. Like Google it. No. Perhaps I won't Right, Mary. Do some homework for us, La. Um we'd like you to Google how you attach a Merkin. I mean it's just not normal, is it? It's not, it's very strong. I mean, if you've gone to all that if you've gone to all because you do like a a a is it called a Brazilian where they strip it all off? Oh is that when it's all gone, or is there a landing strip? Oh, I don't know. Landing strip. There's a landing strip, maybe. According to my husband who we just whispered from the the nethers. It's a landing strip. It's a landing strip. Right. But yeah. That must be painful. Imagine when it's growing back. Wouldn't you itch? I don't mind doing my borders from my garden, from my Mary garden, but no, taking the whole lot off. Wax. Have you ever been waxed on your food? Or are you a bit have I ever had a bikini wax? Yeah. Yes. Have you? Yes. I never have because I've I thought I was a bit worried. Worried that they smelled. Because it's fashion, it's part of your fashion. You're still down that end. Yeah. You see. No, you see, I'm a bic girl. Give me a bic any day. Round the borders. Well, I don't know. I don't look. Actually, to be fair, because But don't you get like you know, you know, if you wax, don't you look like a plucked chicken? No. You don't get chicken skin. No. Do you have your legs done as well? Yeah. Oh. No. And and now, I mean, I I don't really need to have my legs wax very often because I don't really get any hair anymore. No. I think the the um hair follicles have been dead. Yeah. Destroyed. I've got hair on my head, mind you. And I've got no, I'm not even going there. Um yeah, the only the only place I did have my armpits wax once, but never again. They got to do one, but they didn't get to do the other one because it was too painful. Oh no, no, no, no. Ridiculously painful. No, no. But I've got a friend who has all of her body wax and yeah, she doesn't it doesn't bother her. I don't I've been told that the more you have it done, the less it actually hurts. Yeah, absolutely. Because you just your follicles get a bit baggy. Yeah. Well, well, not well. But it's very hygienic. It's very hygienic. And uh it doesn't grow back very quickly, which is nice. But you still have your food for wax now. If I was going on holiday and I was gonna wear my swimming costumes, yeah, absolutely. I have to wear shorts, mine's so long. It's black. My borders definitely need looking after at the moment. But anyway, we've we've dug rest a little bit this. Yeah. So Brazilians were fashioned for a little while, weren't they? They were. They were. I don't know, I don't know what those things and big jasil things that they that's what I was just about to say. Big jasle, I don't get that bit. What's that all about? It's beads on your foof. Why though? Well, isn't it supposed to heighten the pleasure for yourself and your partner? I have no idea because I've never had it done. Intimacy. I don't I'm I'm saying this as I don't have a clue. But some people have their That could be quite painful if oh no, no, don't pay no. You see, that's another thing. Fashion piercing everywhere. Yeah, I I'm not brave enough for that. As in, like even my eyebrow, I'd really struggle to have have my eyebrow pierced. And at this moment, listen, Jane's Jane's eyebrows have actually disappeared into a hairline. Her eyebrows are that high. No. No. But we've got a friend who's got her eyebrow pierced. Yeah, and she loves it. And she loves it. And don't get me wrong, it doesn't, I don't think anything's wrong with it. I think it's always nice. My nose pierced. I always wanted just a very tiny, tiny gem in my nose. Well, my friend had her nose pierced. Oh dear God. We decided we'd go for a day trip to London, and whilst we were on this day trip to London, she decided that she wanted to get her nose pierced. And we said, you know, are you are you gonna be alright with that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've wanted to do friends. She's got all her ears pierced about five or six times, so we thought nothing of it. She's got a belly button pierced, you know. We thought, okay, she'll be fine. So she goes in to get her nose pierced and passes out all over the floor. No, oh yeah, nose. Yeah, she did. Um and they couldn't do anything with her because they like poked it and then she passed out and stuff. So, anyway, it closed up, and then she decided she was gonna have it done again because she really wanted to have it done, and she did exactly the same thing. So, obviously, there's something in her nose that must be a vessel that she got and she went straight out. Came out with a black eyes of a nose pierced. A very long time ago. I mean, we weren't allowed to have our ears pierced until we were 14. And last week, yeah, my grandma gorgeous wanted her ears pierced, she desperately wanted her ears pierced, she'd never had them pierced, and she she came with me when I had mine done, and she said, What do they do with the bit? And I said, What do you mean, the bit? And she said, Well, they're making a hole in your ear. What do they do with the bit? So sweet. We're gonna put it in a jar and send you home. Oh, bless. So when she actually went to have because she chickened out, and then when she actually went to have her ears pierced, I got a little tiny jewellery box and said, said, Okay, gorgeous, I've I've bought you something to for your bit, for the bit, but she chickened out again, she wouldn't have them done. Oh bless her, bless them, my gorgeous. So, yeah, I mean I think people that are pierced are very brave. I've got my ears pierced once. I really wouldn't mind a second one, but I'm a bit of a big one. I think I had a second one, but um uh somebody swung on one of my uh earrings and um my ears actually split. Oh yeah, yes, so but it it split gradually because I used to work in a hairdresser years ago and we wore black polar necks and these tabard dresses, and I all I've always worn big earrings, not them today. Um, and I used to wear long chains and they kept catching on the on the polar neck and the woolly polar neck, and of course I couldn't use my hands to keep free in it, so I kept doing that, and it gradually split and healed as it was going until it was completely split. And then just one day it just fell out. But see, they're the different piercing fashions, yeah. Different piercing fashions, and what about tattoo fusions? Yeah, see, I think some tattoos are absolutely beautiful. Oh, I do. Um I wouldn't I wouldn't have one myself, I have to say, because I'm no. I've got one, you have got one, I have got one, um and I think they're lovely, and I think you know, if you look at the um New Zealand tattoos, oh yeah, the Lowry ones are so so nice and so beautiful, but then you go to the extreme where you've got people that just cover their faces and I don't I don't like the ones on the face of that dimorphic disorder, dysmorphia because there's a there's somebody on that um I've seen that's like made themselves look like a snake. Yes, yeah, I've seen that one. Yeah, I mean uh fair play to them. If that's what they want and they're happy with it, that's fine. I'm not saying anything about it, but I physically find that must how yeah, but you see, you see all these beautiful artistic tattoos, but then there's this new fashion for these really little scribbly things. Yes, don't you? I don't understand them. I mean, it's it's probably our age. Maybe I don't understand them. 21 and 20. There's a reason behind them, apparently, but God alone knows what that is. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I I uh for the start of the one that I had was so painful, and uh don't start with tattoos on your feet if that's where you go. Oh especially on the bone, not very good. Um but it's a big fashion. Tattoos are a big fashion, yeah, they are. Um whereas when I grew up, they weren't. No, no, no, they weren't. There was something that um well when I was younger, it was if you were in the forces or or something like that, yeah. That's when you had a tattoo. My daddy had a tattoo, yeah. My dad had a tattoo. Yeah, he had my mum's name on his arm as well. Oh no, my dad had a swallow. Um yeah, literally, uh, but then that fashion I can understand and I can visually see it and stuff. But then you go to the fashion like shell suits. Who came up with that idea? But I used I did have one. Who? I don't know, but I did have I did have a beautiful pink shell suit years ago. Loved it, absolutely loved it. It was really baggy, loved it. I wouldn't be seeing dead in one now. They were just you sweat in a shell suit. It was disgusting, let me tell you. Let me tell you perhaps that's why you need one of them. But I I wore lots of things that you know when you're a sort of teenager and you're following bands and things and you basity rollers. Basity rollers, yeah. Roll up jeans and a pair of stripey socks or sort of things. So midnight runners. Dexy's Midnight Runners, yeah. But yeah, you just sort of follow fashion like that, don't you? Yeah. Do you? You do sometimes. You reckon? But yeah. Um we were talking about fashion faux pas. What was all this? I'd I'd written this down. Blue and green should never be seen unless red is worn in between. I don't know who started that. But I wear blue and blue and green a lot. I think years ago, people would say that colours can't match, but these days it doesn't matter. No, I'm quite I like lots of colour, as you well know. Yes, and I would quite happily wear green and blue together. Yeah. Dependent upon the shade. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But um they do these fashion things, don't they, where you can go and have scarves put round your neck to decide what kind of she you should wear. I'm autumnal. Well, my friend had that done. Um she's wealthy, I'm just putting it out there because she managed to change the whole of her bloody wardrobe. You're joking. Well, she's wealthy, because all the clothes that she got in her wardrobe were the wrong colour. You are joking me. And the difference in the clothes colour that she was then told to wear made her just her glow. It was massively different.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

Oh wow!

SPEAKER_00 19:52

Even if she put one her one colour grey on, and then she used a different tonal grey that she'd been told you could see the difference. It was massive, absolutely massive. So I'm quite fancy having one of them done, but I can't change my wardrobe.

SPEAKER_01 20:06

Oh god, no.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

No. Where would you go to have one of those done? I don't know, maybe we should Google it and find out. Maybe you're gonna do a podcast there. Oh do a podcast while we're having our colours sorted. While we're having our colours sorted, absolutely absolutely misses. Yeah, I might get a discount. Now we've got a beautiful friend who um I was out with the other week and had a cup of coffee with, and uh, he's got the most amazing pair of boots on, and he got commented on his boots. So I'm saying the same thing that I've always said. Men that wear nice smart shoes, that's the way to go. That's the way to go. Not some of these awful, awful trainers. I do not like trainers, darling. I don't mind trainers, but some of them are weird. Oh, well, yeah. I mean that's putting it mildly, isn't it? Yeah, but that's that's again, it's all down to a fashion, isn't it? Yeah, because these men go out and buy really expensive trainers, and then because they've gone out of fashion, they stop they don't wear them, they stop wearing them, yeah. They go for the next thing. But that's like an obsession, though, isn't it? That is and do you not find that you have to they there's a lot of things in school where children have to have fashion, they've got to have like named branded things. What's that all about? Because even when we were growing up, they were branded things, but we didn't have to have them. No, no, no, no, and I think it's unfair on the the children that can't actually afford them. Absolutely because I was one of those. We couldn't afford branded stuff. No, couldn't we? We wore plain, just bog standard uniforms, and that was it. I mean, I was very lucky because if I found if I saw something In fashion that I wanted, my mum would go and help me get the material, and then we'd sew it and make exactly the same thing, but our version of it. So if I wanted a dress for a uh going out clubbing, and I'd seen a dress that I wanted that I couldn't afford, we'd just go and make it. Oh wow! So that was really cool. That was really cool. And um, we designed lots of crazy fashions as well. Um did you ever wear latex? Nope, can't say I've ever worn latex. Is that that plasticky stuff? Yeah, no, have you? Well, I have a story. Oh am I gonna like your story? Bring it on! Okay, so um there was a time a very long time ago where um when myself and my husband got a chance to be on our own, we used to perhaps dress up a little bit and have a nice meal and nice um but um we decided to try our rubber dress. Right. So this thing came out of the bag and it looked like a soding inner tube for a bike. It was it was tiny. No. So I I was upstairs in the bathroom. Yeah, but you were tiny. I was I was quite small, but I wasn't this tiny, trust me. Anyway, gone upstairs in the bathroom. I've got my bra and my knickers on because I'm a good girl. Excellent. So I've tried to get this thing over the top of my head. Oh no, no. I had to take my underwear off. Then I thought, I know what I'll do, I'll put powder on. Talcum powder, because it'll help it slip. So this dress that had originally been black then turned to horrible swiddy grey. I managed to finally squeeze myself into this flipping dress. It looked ridiculous. Anyway, so bear in mind there were no children in the house, and we didn't get half that very often, so it was you know, playtime. Anyway, I've managed to wash off some of the some of the powder off this dress, and I've minced downstairs. My lovely husband was waiting there, he was nearly asleep. It took me that long to get this ficking dress on. Anyway, I've minced downstairs and I've sat down, and this thing shot at the speed of light, rolled up and rolled my hairstyle into it. If you know what I mean. So, gorgeous decided to to release me from the trap and just pulled it down straight away. I'll help you. Whooshed epilation immediate. Tried again, the same thing happened. We gave up in the end. I tell you what, if I'd got hairy armpits, I'd still be in the damn thing today because I would not have got it off. Oh my goodness. Yes. Did you do um uh a message to the people you bought it from to give them a no, I just no warning sign for other people dropping. No, no. But just Mary, if you ever want to, I would advise you to shave everything beforehand so that you don't get trapped in it. Yeah, no, that's not for me. No, it wasn't a fashion statement, and it will never happen again. Anyway. You'd be surprised. I think they wear a lot of rubber. When you see these these stars on the TV, they're wearing a lot of rubber these days. Yes. But it rolls at the speed of light as soon as you sit down, so they must just be standing constantly. Some of them wear these shorts. Shorts that don't even cover your bum. What's that all about?

unknown 26:03

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

I don't know. What they're called? Something riders, batty riders. What? Is that what they're called? Batty riders. I think it's batty riders. Never seen anything like it in my life. Might just as well not put them on. So oh the one you mean the ones that ride right up your bum? Yeah, they show off your bum. Yeah, what's that all about? What's the point of putting them on? Does it cover your foof at the front? I don't know. Okay. Look at it. What's that all about? What is that all about? I don't know, but it's I mean, if you didn't have any, even if you had underwear under there, you'd be able to see the thing. You'd be able to see the underwear. What is it? The underwear, yeah. I don't no, I don't get it. What is it? Why is it that you don't want to have the mystery? I know. That's that's really a showing our age. It is shown our butt. I mean, look at look at that. It's like a strip. I remember wearing a um a short skirt, and my father-in-law at the time, God rest his soul, said to me, That's a family fanny helmet. That's what it's called. I know I nearly fell through the floor, but there you go. Anyway, anyway, come on. Now, I have Google What Not to Wear in 2026. This is the list off of the Google Eater. Okay. Okay. Yep. Overly tight midi skirts. Yeah, I've got to. I don't possess one of them. I couldn't walk in one of them anywhere. Falling flat on my face. Didn't you? There was a there was a fashion that somebody fell flat on the face, wasn't there? Didn't you have a look at that? It was a a MIDI skirt that was so tight round the ankles you actually hobbled. Oh yes, I did. Yes, I thought you did. I did. I I know what you're on about. Oh, I don't think it was a midi skirt. I think it was a it um it was a yeah, very strange thing. Um nope, that's that one. Well that was poison dialish, yeah. Yeah. Shackling skirts. Shackling skirts. Yeah. The parallel on the 19th in the 19th century, skirts were made radical, switching the style, entering the hobble skirt. The idea came from a French designer, um, and but they were if they were so tight that they were pulled in like corsets, and then they were right corseted round to your ankle so you couldn't move. So basically, you just had to sit on the settee completely like and not move. Oh yeah, okay. Frozen in motion. Why would you want that? What what purpose is that? I have no idea. It's a bit like your they should have just done it in rubber and then you could have got out of it. Second thing. Go on then, bring it on. High contrast black and white outfits. She says sitting here in a black and white skirt. What's a high contrast? I don't know. I thought you'd know, so I didn't even Google what it meant. High contrast, black and white. Perhaps it just means large patterned, do you think? Maybe I think black and white looks small. Like black and white together. Perhaps it's just not the in colour this year. Yeah. I wear them. Who cares? It's too small. Chunky sneakers. Don't have any. I do not. No. You do? I do. I wear them all the time, I don't care. So there. But I think they're quite nice too. Cheap looking faux leather trousers. Oh, yeah, I've got a couple of them. Gavia? Yeah. No, you haven't. Got faux leather trousers. Gavia?

unknown 29:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

I've got leather trousers as well, to be fair, but I've got faux leather trousers. Oh. Um they look like cargo pants. I've got the pockets inside. Oh, nice. Yeah, I like them. Um ultra thin knitwear. Not really getting that one. I don't does that mean like seafrace. I suppose it's like see-through. Yeah, my knitwear's chunky. My knitwear's chunky. Um, satin that wrinkles easily. I don't like that. Well, let's put it this way if I put anything satin on, I I think they wonder whether or not I was one of those bumps that the cars go over. What are they called? Road hubs. Road hubs, literally. It'd be like me. Woohoo! Woohoo! No, I I would no. No, uh no. I'll wear a satin skirt but I'll wear a very long top. But well but satin skirts, you know, are you talking like clingy, clingy? No, if you wear a slip. Exactly, slips. Now the best thing. When you say slip, excuse me, lady. Lady listener, I do apologise. Um, to a younger person, they have no idea what you're talking about. No, they don't. Because they don't wear it, they don't even wear underwear, so haven't they know what a slip is? They don't even know what a slip is. Yeah, but they that's what I'm saying, they don't wear underwear. They go out with dresses without underwear on. What's that all about? Well, if you drip on your shoes. Oh dear. Oh dear me. I'm sorry, Mary. I'm sorry about this boy. I think to be perfectly honest, I think we'd better stop it there because it's it's getting proper mucky, isn't it? Um, so um, with that, I think we'll end today. I think we'll end today's. Um thanks for listening. Thanks for listening. We haven't upset you too much. Our fashion's very strange. It is very strange. Okay, Mary. It is good night from me. And good night from me. Janet and Jane, Janet and Jane Jane and Janet.