FETISHIT AND GIGGLES part 1

An indepth discussion, for adults only, about fetishes. Also, a story about Keeping your beaver clean.

Food, fads and favourite meals.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Janet and Jane, Janet and Jane. Jane and Janet. Hello, listener. Hope you're well, Mary from Eastbourne. Sorry we haven't been in touch for a while. Been very busy. Very busy. Very busy. Very busy with fetishes. So our subject today is fetishes. Fetches. Fetish fetches. What do you mean by the judge? We're back in the she shed as well, listener, because it's been either too hot or too wet to get up here. So we're back up in the she shed, which is brilliant. And today, like um Jane has been able to pronounce, it's fetishes. Fetish chills. Now when I was I I've only done a very little bit of research on this, and you've done a lot, which worries me slightly. Well it worries me slightly because they'll you know they'll wonder what I'm doing, really. Well I've got that the most common common fetish is a foot fetish. Oh, oh, yeah, only fans. Only fans. Foot fetish. And you know the the explanation of why it's why it's the most common is apparently because your foot leads to your leg and your leg leads to your genitalia. Okay. I don't see that myself.

unknown 1:24

No.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

I think people just like them. I don't like feet. I'm grateful for them. I'm yeah. But uh yeah, no, and my blue ankles. I don't want anybody to put their feet in my mouth. Oh my mouth! Oh my god, no. Why would you why would you even say that? We've just eaten. What happens if we've got cheesy feet? What happens if they've got nail psoriasis? Oh, could you imagine Oh my god, no So I know somebody very close to me who has nail psoriasis and his toes at one point did look like sausages with quavers on the end. Oh there's there's there no it no, no, no, but apparently we need to get someone on that's got a foot fetish and they can explain about it. Well, you can Google who's got it, mate, because I'm not doing this. No, I can't imagine oh no, no, no, but you're right, OnlyFans they make an absolute fortune out of feet, don't they? Yeah, I maybe that's what we need to be doing. Absolutely could actually come and have a look at my feet. Well, they're things like them putting them in jelly and putting them in beans and things like that, which I again I just don't yeah. I think I'd probably hunk. Would you and Rolf? Definitely. Yeah, no, I d no. It it's not something mind you, a lot of these are not something that I would that I would be into either. But you know what? You could make big well, they do make good money out of it, don't they? Because they wouldn't see your face. You don't have to ever show your face or your foof. Do you do you know what I mean? Just as long as you can't see my face or my foof, and I could disguise my I could talk the the strange for my forehead. I like that, but yes, moving on from feet. There were things like high heels, high heels was another one, but uh men like women to wear them during sex. Well that's like a bit turn for, wouldn't it? What was if you oh sit on a heel. Oh oh no, thank god that puts a whole new meaning on vibrator spoken it up? No, no, but that was um that was one of the ones. Go on, hit me with it. Well, there's this one you see, and I've been thinking that if we're gonna make money, this would probably be instead of only fans, this would be the one to make money out of. Okay. Because actually, it's so bloody simple, it's ridiculous. Apparently it's called I can't pronounce it, so I apologise now, Mary. I really do. Aggalmatophilia. Agalmatophilia. Yeah, it's being being sexually attracted to statues or mannequins. So they get the partner to dress up in a costume and stand there as a mannequin. I could do that. Literally just stand there. Stand there. Stand there. Yeah, that's it. So you could go on that. You could set up your own website. Do you know what I mean? Just dress up as a different statue, statue of liberty. Oh, beautiful. Can you imagine? I know you can't see what I'm doing, but you know, it's good. I'm I'm posing in in many different directions. But yeah, get paid for that. I don't understand. Oh I don't understand. I don't understand. So do they do they get off on it? Apparently they they get sexually attracted to a statue or a mannequin. Did you ever see the film mannequin? No, never seen it. That was a lovely film. I mean, that's not the same as a blow-up doll. It's not, because that's actually them having sex with a blow. This is like they get sexually attracted to the statue, but how do they relieve their sexual frustrations with a statue? Do they? You know? I don't know. Maybe if somebody anybody's got a fetish called agamalotrophilia, whatever it is, or however you perhaps anyway, you're basically attracted to statues or malequins, give us a call because I'd like to know how you get off. Because you know, there's got to be a way. If it's the fact that you just stand there, I can do that. That's not a problem. Yeah, just don't touch me. Just don't touch me, yeah. My space, my body, my yeah. Throw anything at me. No, well no, but then that would ruin the that would ruin the costume, wouldn't it? Can you imagine? No. But the funniest one I found. Oh Janet, I think you might find this um slightly tricky tricky. Oh god, what? Okay. What are you frickin' it on me? I don't know what it was. I thought it was a flight, sorry. Jane. You ready for this? Are you sure you don't know what I am? The sexual arousal derived from flatulence. Oh no. Ah it makes me heed. Oh my gosh. Can you imagine you yeah, I tell you what, if you've got somebody that that that decides to well, I'm I'm going to I'm gonna put my husband forward for that. He could make us an absolute bloody fortune. He breathes like his respiratory system, he breathes in and he farts out. So people are sexually turned on by farts. Sexual arousal derived from flaculence. Do they have to be smelly farts? Do they have to be loud, buoyancy farts? Do they have to be bum farts? Well, it says foo farts. Well, it says farts. Oh my head. God on, there's some strange people about. Very, very strange people. I did watch a film once. I can't remember what film it was. Oh thank God for that. No, I can't. But the man liked to dress up. He it was a it was a thriller where people were getting killed, but they obviously entered a house and this man liked to dress up as a baby. Oh no. Yeah. Why? But it's like new like people go to these um uh the mistresses, aren't they? Well, and they like to be beaten. Submissives! That's it, yeah. Oh, very fifty shades of grey. Yeah. I don't get that either. No, I don't. I don't like pain. No. No. But some people do, and that's how they that's what actually turns them on, isn't it? But is it the person that's getting the pain that gets turned on or the person that's giving the pain? Well that brings me to another fetish, which is like piercing and tattoos. Some people actually feel uh sexually uh turned on when they're having like tattoos and things. Yes, right. Yeah, some people do. I know they're having piercings by having piercings in certain places, they get sexually turned on by them. Or the flip side of that is they get turned on by seeing people with tattoos or um piercings. That was another one that I found. Really? Yes. I know people quite often have tattoos because they get addicted to the pain. Yeah. Don't get that. No. I have got a tattoo. One worst pain of my life, I'd rather give birth again. Literally.

unknown 9:52

No.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

Don't get it. No. Don't get it. I don't know how you managed, especially there. I don't know why I managed it. And I don't know why the person didn't tell me when I went in and said, Can I have a tattoo on my foot? That's the worst place to have your first tattoo. Why didn't somebody tell me that? No one told me. Just wait. Right on the bone. I know. Yeah. Crazy.

unknown 10:16

Crazy.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

It's beautiful. It's beautiful and it's there forever. Yep. Beautiful. But at least if my feet go wrinkly and old and stuff, it's not gonna show up like see that's the bit I don't get either. Stick a pair of socks on. Yeah. Probably will at that age anyway, won't I waddle along? One of those pairs of long slippers. Nobody'll see it anyway. I do want another one though. Do you? Yeah, I do. I want an ivy or a um an ivy kind of or a rose kind of bracelet. Okay. With a leaf, and on the leaf I want a caterpillar. Okay. Because my best friend was a caterpillar. Called Cecil. Oh. So I want it on a leaf permanently. Aw. Oh, that's sweet. I know. Maybe have you realised that you're finding another really bony part of your. I know, it's quite I know, but where else could I have a bracelet?

SPEAKER_01 11:20

You're out.

SPEAKER_00 11:21

I mean I could have a ring, but that's a bit like That's bony. That's even more painful, isn't it? Yeah, no. No. No. No. Years ago I thought I'd quite like to have a tattoo, and then I thought, no, I don't like paint and I don't like needles. Nipple piercing? Mary, I've clenched myself. Just so you know. But piercing you, you know, it's a fetish. Yeah, it is. And they also have um uh what are they called? Flashy lipsy flaps. Flashy flaps! What's flashy flaps? No, what's it called? Bejazzled! I don't know what that is, I've heard the word. Everybody talks about being bedazzled, but I don't really know what it is. Oh not oh not be jazzled. Well you can be jazzel, you which makes it a ver jazzle. Oh I'm getting cramping my foot. Are you with me? Mary, I'm sorry, I'm I'm gonna have to draw her a diagram. So your labia have um adornments. What? For God's sake, tell me you knew about this. I thought bejazzle was like when you like you know you get a jacket and you bedazzle You're winding me up. Get your phone out now. You are wind I'm getting my phone out. You Right, I'm sorry. Am I gonna get into trouble for like just be jazzled? No, the no there is no work! Have a look, V A. Oh my god, I'm gonna get s I'm gonna get into trouble for like you'll get me into trouble, right? No, I'm not getting you into trouble, I swear. V V A. J.

unknown 13:27

A.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

Vaginous nerve. No. V A J Not V A G. Oh, that's G then. V A G. A. E.

unknown 13:42

G.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

What chif what ch is I can't spell, I'm just lexing. Oh sorry, I forgot. V age. Vag V A G A D L E. Well, it just comes up with PH balance, Tesco's medicated cream. Give me a flipping phone woman. Vajazzel cream. Vagicile, that is. Yeah, exactly. That's what you said. See even you can't spell it. I've got no chance. Don't show me a picture. You can buy vagazel kits that that jazzle up your vag. What? Don't be stupid. Really? People do that? How long does a vagazel a vagazel typically last anywhere from three to seven days on average? The expected lifespan to spend on the adhesive and your s and your clothing. Well you see I told you it was clothing. You put it on sticky on clothing. No, it's the clothing you wear over your vag, love. The glue is used for bid. That's not a belly button. Talking of belly buttons, people have fetishes on belly buttons. Oh my god. Yeah, and I shall I shall show you exactly what I wrote. No, absolutely not. Can you imagine? Oh my god. I can't even stand anything. A hairy belly button. I can't even stand anybody touching my tummy button. Well, mine sticks out. I've got a pokey out one. See, I used to have an inny, but since I put on quite a lot of weight, it's sort of slid out a bit more. No, no, I've got like a button. It actually looks like a button. No. It's very cute. No, my mystery. Children also have a have a thing that they can't stand anything to do with belly button design. Why would you want to lick somebody's button? No. Don't. That's just memory. I'd rather lick an ice lolly. Why would you? Why would you lick a belly button? What is wrong with people? I I must be going mad. But but talking about licking and Udumi Flipsy, what's it belly buttons? There's a fetish called sloshing and cytophilia. Or cytophilia. That's horrible. Being covered in foods. Oh. Yeah, so you you know cover your You cover yourself in foods. And people lick it off. Does that keep you clean? Well I doubt it. I can feel a story coming on. Uh can you now? I I could do with a good story. Could you? Yeah, but this is a story for mature audiences only. Oh really? Yes. And the blurb on the back says anyone that has a beaver knows it can get smelly quite fast. This book will walk you through the process of cleaning your beaver and keeping it smelling fresh. So there's a beautiful picture of the animal, a beaver, on the front cover. It's by Kinsey Masing, and it's a beautiful story and very instructive. Would you like me to share? Does that go with sloshing and citophilia? Well, yes, because once you've sloshed and interphiliaed yourself, you're gonna be smelly, aren't you? Okay, okay. Anyone that has a beaver knows it can get smelly quite fast. This book will walk you through the process of cleaning your beaver and keeping it smelling fresh. Side note beavers are actually self-cleaning animals, believe it or not. However, they still need freshening up every once in a while. Okay, step one. Use warm water to rinse your beaver off. If you want to use taupe, be sure it is unscented and nothing too fancy, as this can really mess with your beaver. Step two, I just wish I could show you the pictures, Mary. Um, because there's a lovely beaver being soaked. Uh step two, be sure to wash in and around all of the folds of your beaver. Be sure to get into those little crevices that no odour and so that no odour is left behind. Step three. Be sure that you wash your beaver from front to back. Start at the top of your beaver and work your way down. You don't want to spread germs that come from the rear of your beaver. Step four. Be sure to rinse your beaver well with warm water. Don't leave any soapy residue behind as this can irritate your beaver. A little bit itchy. Nothing worse than an irritated beaver. Oh wow. Step five, dry your beaver off. You can let it air dry or towel dry it, whatever your beaver prefers. Step six, trim your beaver. Beaver fur can get quickly out of control. Some people like their beavers to be fluffy. That's okay. But if you prefer a more polished look for your beaver, that's okay too. Be sure to use extreme caution and trim away any excess hair on your beaver. You can even do designs. That would be fun. Use your creativity here. If you prefer a bold beaver, then you shave all of your beaver's fur off. Just as a note, that might leave your beaver feeling naked and cold. Don't really want that, do we? No. Step seven, once your beaver is clean and fresh and looking its best, get a picture of the thing. It might not last long, so you need to document it. Be sure to post a picture of your fresh, clean beaver on your socials for all to see. And there's a picture of a beaver saying, check out fresh beaver. Step eight. Show off your beaver to everyone. Make sure they get close and see how clean your fresh beaver is. No more stinky beaver here. Step nine. Repeat this process whenever your beaver starts to smell. Remember, a clean beaver is a happy beaver. Wow. That was very instructive. A sloshing and citophilia. Yeah. Learning curb, really. Yeah, well, that follows on. Yeah, I think we definitely need to add that into their mix. Yeah. There were two other books in a series that might have gone along with that. Well, maybe for next time then, what do you think? Um there was two about a certain man called Mike. Um one whose um oh, they had different surnames. Hmm, yeah. One's name was Hunt, and the other's name was Lit. And there's it's one smells like fish and the other one's a bit hard to find. Is it? Yes. Wow, maybe that's a story for another day, then. Anyway, what were we talking about? Fetishes. We've we've digressed again, haven't we?

SPEAKER_01 21:51

We have we do undies undies.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

What? Now I saw a story, I can't remember it's on. The news I no, it couldn't have been on the news, it must have been in the newspaper about a lady who sold her knickers. Sorry? Yeah. Why? And she made an absolute fortune because people like dirty pants. No, they don't. Yes, they do. Weird people, admittedly. Dirty pants. I mean I've heard about you know when they throw the knickers to Tom Jones when he's on the ball. They're always clean. We knew somebody who took a pair of pants that you could get five people in and threw them at him. Oh really? Yeah, yeah. But dirty ones. Yeah, she wear them for the day, put them in an envelope, well, put them in a plastic bag to save the smell. Nice. And send them off to these people who sent them sent her lots of money. So she just never washed her pants, she just sold them. Okay. And people turned on by it. And there was Well, how do you find these people? I don't know. I don't know. And how and I'm not being foody, but how do you like pay tax on that? You know, when you when you put your tax tax return in. Yeah, what what do you you know, selling knickers? What what what do you do? Are you classed as a lingerie person? Lingerie specialist. You know, what does it go under? Does it go under your feet? Or does it go under I don't know, retail? Lingerie retail. Maybe. There you go. Or washing machines, you know? No, because it's not washing. There's no washing involved. These these people who buy them dry cleaner, yeah. These people that buy them specifically want them to be smelly. Okay. No, not okay. But coverings. People? How does she find the people who want to buy her pants? You know, is do you go to a telephone directory and say, Oh, these are the people how do you find them? How do you get listed? And is it legal? I don't know. I don't think there's nothing illegal about it, you're not harming anybody. Right, okay. No, you're true, you're not harming anybody. I mean, it should be illegal to put smelly underwear in a post box, but you know, fair enough. Yeah. But where does she find these people? Well, I'm wondering whether there are specific sites. So you've got OnlyFans, which is the one we've talked about and laughed about quite a bit. Um I think that's great. I'd like to make money like that. I mean, nice and easy. Yeah. But you know Well, they'd get get a lot of joy out of my drawers. My husband said my drawers have have grown a year every year since grown an inch every year since we've been married. And now took money in my brow. I could cope with putting my feet, you know. I could like I say, as long as you you didn't see my face or hear my voice, yeah, I I would do feet. I would have a statue. I'd sell my drawers. I'd sell my drawers for money. Well, if they're more than I mean I suppose you can go to Primart and get yourself sorry, I'm I'm advertising here, but you know, you can go to that very reasonably priced shop and buy a whole bag of pants for a reasonable amount of money. Well we've got a reasonable place on the our main shopping drag. Well yeah, that's true. That you could go to and buy a load. Yeah. I don't know whether they have to be sexy looking pants or not. Perhaps they do. Maybe. Oh, uncomfortable. Uh-uh. Well, I suppose we could go to one of them, you know, those sites that you can buy cheap stuff from and get home from there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then how much do you sell them for? I don't know. I hadn't done enough research. I'm sorry, Mary, but I didn't I wasn't doing my homework very well today. We'd known for a few days that this is what we were going to do our podcast about. Um, and and I feel like I've let you down. I do feel like I've let you down a little bit. I I I think we should do a bit more research into that. I think we should, you know. I think we could do fetish part two, couldn't we? Definitely, yeah, and add kinks in with it. Yes, yes, I think we could. Because there is a slight difference between a fetish and a kink. Yeah, um so yes. I think I think that's one for the next one then. Yes, we'll do we'll do fetish and kinks. Yeah, not the kinks as in the singers, no, I did like that. Oh yeah, I did, yeah.

unknown 26:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:56

Digressed again, though. Yeah, yeah, normal. Right, okay, Mary. So we are going to leave it there for today. Thank you very much for listening. And anybody else who's joined along with Mary, that would be nice. Um, and we'll talk to you very, very soon from Janet and Jay. Janet and Jay. Jane and Janet. Hi.