Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery

Adultery is rarely a sudden decision. It’s more often a slow drift: less conversation, more criticism, unchecked screen time, and tiny compromises that feel harmless until they’re not. We sit down around Exodus 20:14 and get real about what it means to protect a marriage before it breaks, and why the seventh commandment is about more than avoiding an affair.

We unpack marriage as a sacred covenant and a gift from God, not a contract built on convenience. That changes everything about commitment and conflict. When we’re truly “all in,” we stop using escape hatches and start learning humility, honest communication, and the kind of understanding that invites God into the hardest parts of the relationship. You’ll hear why “help me understand” can be more powerful than winning an argument, and why replacing constant conflict with patient reasoning can rebuild trust over time.

Then we go practical. We talk early warning signs of emotional distance, the role of parenting stress, and why boundaries matter, including something as simple as a consistent bedtime for kids so a couple can protect their connection. We also challenge the normal rhythms that quietly starve intimacy, like lying in bed scrolling on two phones, and we address the wider culture of lust, pornography, and “I can look but not touch” thinking through the lens of Jesus’ words about the heart.

If you want a stronger Christian marriage, better communication, and real steps toward an affair-proof marriage, press play and join the conversation. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with the boundary or habit that has helped your relationship most.

Transcript

Welcome And Romance Talk

SPEAKER_01 0:04

This is the Kennesaw First Podcast. Life built on truth.

SPEAKER_04 0:09

What's up, guys? How we doing? Good, man. How are you? Doing good. Good morning, brother. Doing good. It's great to be back for another week of the Truth Behind the Sermon podcast. Pastor Perry still rolling verse by verse through Exodus chapter 20. Uh and the 10 commandments, we get to a fun one this week. I think I said that last week too. They're all fun. They're all fun. But talking about uh thou shalt not commit adultery. Right? Again, these commands, especially as they get personal, get really difficult to come up with a fun warm-up question.

SPEAKER_02 0:50

Yeah. We may just bypass it.

SPEAKER_04 0:52

I was about to say, I think today we should probably there's no good one that I could come up with. I didn't try Chat GPT today to help me with it.

SPEAKER_02 1:00

Well, you can do one of what's your most romantic moment? Where do you go? And what do you do to to romance the home, man? What do you do? Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:11

So for us, uh I I'll go, I'll go like super simple, practical, and then I'll go like extravagant. So super simple, practical. If Karen knows that I got a load of laundry done and not just done, but folded and put away, um, that goes like a million miles with her. Like dinner, I can cook dinner, I can do all those things. Those things are relatively semi-normal just with her work schedule. Uh, it makes more sense for me to cook some nights. But as far as like laundry or dishes, if I can get one of those two extra things done on a day that she's at work and I've got the kids by myself, that is like high cotton, high dollar. Man, you just took me out to a steak dinner. Now, if I'm trying to like actually woo her, right, and take her and do something, I try to find something that's unique. So, like as probably last summer now, uh, I found a place called Splatter Studios down in Sandy Springs. And you go in and you just fling paint at a canvas, right? But it's super fun. I don't know where she hid our painting because it I thought it turned out pretty good.

SPEAKER_02 2:26

I'll let you come do this in my backyard. 50 bucks, man. I got you covered.

SPEAKER_04 2:30

You provide the canvas and the Timex suits.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

Uh I'll I'll find a board that we have from from from uh some of the reno we have around here. It'll be even cooler.

SPEAKER_04 2:40

Yeah, there you go. But yeah, so we I try to do something like that, and we you know, we'll add dinner into it or something, but try try to do something a little fun.

SPEAKER_03 2:49

Yeah, what do you do, Trey? Um, man, my household is simple. Um, and I follow Ryan's footsteps. So uh for us, as long as I cook, uh, that's pretty much heaven on earth for her. Uh that at least buys her some time because she's working with kids all day. She gets home, she has to deal with me and Mav all day for the rest of the remainder of the night. So that's that's a lot of things. I've got kids all day.

SPEAKER_04 3:15

Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_03 3:16

Um my wife does too. There is no work. Yeah. Um, but on the upper end or the upper scale of it, I'm bougie. So I like the finer things in life. So I would like to go to Steaks uh Cut's Steakhouse. Um, it's down there in uh downtown Atlanta. I like to spend $300 on a meal. Wow. Not gonna lie to you. Yeah. But it's not, it's it's the ambiance, it's the experience. You know, it's just you two. You know, you no distractions. And you don't do it every day. Yeah, yeah. Something you're not doing every day. So this is like a vacation, man.

SPEAKER_04 3:50

Yeah, that made my heart stop a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 3:52

That's all that he's making this look bad. Like, dare don't listen to that. We're going to Chick-fil-A tonight. You're welcome.

SPEAKER_04 4:03

The kids are playing the plate later in the and you can get the grilled chicken. Oh wow, the grill is with the target.

SPEAKER_02 4:09

We can all get kids' meals. That's awesome. Yeah, we I wouldn't expect anything. You know, you're like the Barry Wine around here. You gotta go another. I don't know about all that. You probably don't even know who Barry Watt is. He's the guy with the voice. You know who Barry is, don't you? But it goes back away.

SPEAKER_04 4:36

We need camera. We need cameras. We knock away. We both know who's a nine.

SPEAKER_03 4:43

Jason might not, but he's not here too. Sorry, Jason. Man, I know Barry. I know Barry. It's what you preach, man. Come on. I know Barry.

SPEAKER_02 4:51

Give us some good Barry voice. We want to hear it.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

It's a PG 13 show.

SPEAKER_02 4:57

So I can't do that. Sorry. Okay. So so here's the deal. If I do laundry at my house, I get in trouble.

SPEAKER_04 5:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:06

Now I do my own laundry.

SPEAKER_04 5:08

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 5:08

Okay. I do my own laundry, but I don't do it right. Or or I waste water.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:14

I I I don't understand this, but anyway, it's it's just part of it. She uh she I'm not allowed really to do laundry, although I do do it sometime. Um, and um, but one thing she likes is she likes the simple little things. So if I bring her coffee, she's here at church or she's at school, if I bring her coffee, that's kind of the love language. That's what I do. So so just simple little things, yeah, thoughtful things. There you go. Thoughtful things. That'll always get me at least, you know, a brownie point or two.

SPEAKER_03 5:50

Yeah. A brownie point or two.

The Seventh Commandment Explained

SPEAKER_03 5:53

Well, good guys. Well, this week's message focused on the uh seventh commandment in Exodus chapter 20, verse 14. You shall not commit adultery. But the sermon went a little bit deeper than simply avoiding just an affair. You know, it challenged us to see marriage as a sacred gift from God that must be protected, prioritized, and stewarded well. So, Perry, if you can, just give us a brief summary of this sermon and where did it come from? Where did it come from?

SPEAKER_02 6:19

Yeah, the the focus here is on affair proofing your marriage, which I know there's a lot of people that talk about that today. I mean, that's a kind of a hot topic, affair proof in a marriage. And part of the reason why is because uh there's more and more study that uh tells us that, for instance, uh 42% of women said that they consistently checked their husbands' cell phones because they are concerned about that. Um and 25%, around 25% of couples said that there was some point when they cheated. So this is really a a hot topic, a whole lot more than we might realize. You know, you never know what's going on in the dark. And that is a that is evidently a true concern in our world. It's one of those things that we don't really talk about that much in the church, and maybe we should. Maybe this should be a topic we really talk about saying, what do you do to say, okay, we're going to make sure that we keep things at the home appropriately uh, you know, in check.

SPEAKER_04 7:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:32

And um so so really the the first part of the message is really just talking about the importance of magnifying the gift of marriage. It really is a gift. And um it's a gift. As a matter of fact, the Bible says he who finds a wife finds a good thing and has found, get this, favor from the Lord. So marriage, if you find a wife, you find somebody that God has given to you to marry, then it's not just, it doesn't just have a a physical, it's not just a physical blessing together as you inherit the grace of life together, uh, but it it God doesn't disconnect marriage and the gift of marriage from one of the greatest things he gives to us, which is this relationship that I believe reflects the love of God. Jesus even said, uh, we're the bride of Christ. So he's saying, okay, I'm gonna take the step, I'm gonna, I'm gonna let you know that I'm committing to you and you're committing to me. And so that's kind of how it is, and he gives it a priority and he has a purpose for it. He says they join together, and the language that is used there is a language that gives the idea of being yoked together. So think about that. I mean, when when we're married, we have a partner. Two are better than one. The Bible says this over and over and over and over again. So taking that step and getting married is a very, very important uh thing to God, and it is a blessing from God. It is seen as from God, it's seen to be uh, you know, uh a real genuine gift, but it's a gift of life that he provides.

SPEAKER_03 9:18

So let's take a deep dive into the gift of marriage, magnifying the gift of

Covenant Commitment And Conflict

SPEAKER_03 9:24

marriage. And before we continue, this is just a disclaimer that I have not yet crossed that bridge of marriage. So your answers, I want you to consider them as selling points.

SPEAKER_02 9:37

Okay. Okay. Oh, we don't tell you to put the ring on it.

SPEAKER_04 9:41

Oh man, we do that frequently. Trey Trey knows I don't need help.

SPEAKER_03 9:46

Absolutely. Absolutely. So, Perry, man, in the sermon you describe marriage as more as a contract. You know, you stated that it was a sacred covenant designed by God. How does viewing marriage as a gift from God change the way couples approach commitment and conflict?

SPEAKER_02 10:02

Yeah, it's hard to walk away from something you're committed to. Uh, especially something you you pass over that threshold. Let's just admit it, there's always conflict in marriage. I mean, but there's conflict in every relationship. You can walk down the hall of any given organization in America, and you can say, okay, there's potential conflict here, and there's also potential productivity here. You don't get productivity without also recognizing that there can be potential conflict. Because sometimes, you know, when when you talk about iron sharpening iron, if you think that that's a picture of conflict, I mean it's it it's uh it but it sharpens at the same time that there's a rub.

SPEAKER_03 10:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

And so in that, I think uh when there's the commitment, the commitment to God, first and foremost, saying, okay, I'm gonna take this step, I'm gonna take this step of marriage. And the reason why I'm gonna do it is because it is something God has given to me, God has given for me, God has given me the person that I know, hey, this is the person that God has given as a gift to me. When we take that step and we say, okay, I'm not just gonna put a ring on it, but I'm gonna walk the aisle and I'm gonna say, hey, I'm committing to you the rest of my life. That for a lot of people is a really scary thing. And uh I mean, a lot of our young men today are really struggling with taking that step. I mean, I do I deal with 20-year-olds all the time and and uh have a D-Life group with them and so forth, and we talk about it quite a bit, but it is a it is uh when you make that commitment, what you're saying is I'm all in. And we talk about that too uh I'm an Auburn fan, and a few years ago they came out with a t-shirt that said all in. And what I meant is is no matter what, win or lose, I've made I've I've I've staked my flag. We are I am an Auburn fan. And I think we do the same thing in marriage when we say, okay, we're gonna take each other's, we're gonna take each other's name, we're gonna take each other's life, we're gonna do this together. And I think that commitment is the kind of commitment that God made us, thank God, because we definitely um disappoint him. And sometimes there's things that we see and we're like, okay, God, I the di there's a difference here. And of course, the only thing is is God's always right, you know. Um, but but in that I think it helps us to see the sacredness of the union and it calls us and it points us to God who is the one that created marriage. And if He created marriages, uh marriages, then there's not a conflict that we can't we can't embrace and and deal with in our life. I'm sure a lot of our a lot of our people out there are going, okay, I'm thinking through this, the wheels are turning, because when you're committed, you're committed, and that's a beautiful thing. Uh it's not like there's not gonna be ever a conflict, but there will there Christ is there and we're in complete union with him as well.

SPEAKER_04 13:33

Yeah, I think that's that's probably uh one of the most incredible gifts about marriage is the mutual commitment between husband and wife to one another, but also to the Lord. Uh when we when we have a high view of God and who he is, when we when we really believe that he is Lord of all uh and that he has good plans for our lives, when we enter into that covenant of marriage with one another, we get to look at honoring him. Right? Um I grew up in a divorced home, right? Uh from a very young age, my parents split, mom remarried rather quickly, my dad didn't remarry for 10 years. So I got two pretty different ends of the spectrum when it came to learning some of those things. Um but what that did for me going into marriage and having seen uh what divorce did when me and Kara started dating, um part of or when we were getting married, I should say, part of that conversation was now listen, divorce isn't a conversation, right? Like if we I would rather you say now that you're that we can't make that commitment. Um and what that does for us as we have conflict, and Lord knows we do, because I'm dumb. Okay, um, is it lets us be able to to listen. It lets us be able to uh have peace and knowing that you know what, yes, I goofed, I did something dumb, or yes, believe it or not, she has maybe been wrong before at some point in time. I don't know that she's ever admitted it, but um of course she has. Yeah, no, she has, she's great. And I'll take her for you. Yeah, and uh, but what it does is it it allows us to have this position of humility towards one another because we know that the Lord's working in it, right? And that we're committed, we're not leaving, and so I can have a bad day and know that it doesn't change how she actually feels about me. She can have a bad day and know that it doesn't actually change how I feel about her. Uh there's a peace the Lord gives us in that when we are committed to Him and then to one another.

SPEAKER_03 15:48

Good answers, guys.

Early Warning Signs Of Drift

SPEAKER_03 15:50

So uh Perry, you also mentioned that affairs don't usually start overnight. And you point out that many affairs begin long before the physical betrayal through emotional dissonance, unmet needs, or unchecked temptations. What are some subtle signs that a marriage may be drifting into unhealthy territory before major damage is done?

SPEAKER_02 16:14

My goodness, that is such an incredible question. And I think the Bible answers a lot of this, and I'm gonna kind of venture into some of the things that I didn't cover in the sermon because there's so many areas that we could talk. But I think, you know, I've been I've been married for 40 years this year, and August it'll be 40 years. So four decades of marriage together, and I'm honestly, I'm I'm telling you, I really am genuine. I love her more today than I ever have in my life. And part of it is because of the fact that we had that commitment. We've we've stuck to that commitment. There's been days when we've been angry at each other, there's been days that we've been really delighted with each other. Um uh somebody told me one time, you guys love hard and you fight hard. That's people that really knew us. And um and and when we say fight hard, I don't mean anything physical, but I mean sometimes verbally, we're like, okay, this is this is not this is not going the way I want it to go. Um and I had a guy one time tell me, he said, you know, it's the couples that never, ever, ever, you know, verbally spar that have the worst marriages. And um, I could tell you a whole story about that. We we were working uh getting ready to go work in Michigan and start a church and went to the North American Mission Board, and they require a whole lot of vetting before they put anybody on the field. And we went in and they made us meet with a psychologist. And we sit down and they said, What do you guys do when you don't agree? I said, We argue. And they go, Okay, I thought, well, we left out of there, and I thought, uh, we're in big trouble because we actually admitted that we're we're both kind of type A personalities, so we're straight up with each other about things. Um, but we um we left and and there's a this little couple that was there with us, and they were they were like never getting an argument, never having a problem, it seemed like. And they made, they told them, you cannot get appointed to the field until you guys go to marital counseling because you don't know how to communicate.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 18:36

And I thought, wow, I didn't know that. And I mean, we passed fine flying colors. And so I think really good communication is really, really important. And when the communication breaks down and people no longer communicate, hey, this this is where I'm at. This is this is a struggle I'm having, but as well as when people get to the point when they can't say anything good.

unknown 19:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:03

And uh when when you get when when we focus so much on our maid and say, this is what we just, you know, because after a while you figure it out. You figure out your differences. And what happens is you can just focus and home in on those differences, and then that can cause a real rift in the relationship. But I've often seen those rifts are actually the things that keep me in check. And those are the things that keep her in check. And uh we live in a world today, by the way, that I think is a struggle because uh a lot of what happens, and there may be some of our listeners who don't agree with me, but there's a lot today where like, okay, mama's always right. Well, guess what? She's not.

SPEAKER_04 19:48

Right.

SPEAKER_02 19:49

She is not always right, and neither am I right. It takes humility for a couple to come together and to say, you know what, neither one of us are always right. And sometimes we can all be kind of semi-right. But uh, I think communication is one of the main things that we have to work on, and part of that is just being honest with each other. A second thing that I didn't cover in the message that I really just came to mind just since Mother's Day as I was going through scripture, the Bible says that older women are to teach their the younger women to love their husbands. You know, we as we as men are told to love your wife as Christ loved the church. God saying, I'm gonna teach you how to do this and I'm gonna show you the cross. That's gonna be how you're gonna know how to treat your wife. You're gonna serve her and you're gonna love her, you're gonna be willing to lay her life your life down for her. And uh that has helped me a lot as a pat as a pastor and as a person and as a husband to stop and say, Am I serving her? I mean, the little things like, hey, she looks at me and says, Hey, you know, would you would you like to have coffee? I get up and go make the coffee and say, This is part of how I get to serve her. I get that opportunity. Because when she asks for something, I can do that. I can go do that instead of saying, Well, why don't weren't you doing that? You know, uh the other side of it is this, I think there is the reason why that scripture says older women should teach their younger women to love their husbands, is because I think it, and this is the elephant in the room in a lot of conversations, but I think a lot of times when women, when they have children, the children become the priority. And when the children become the priority and they become like the the focus and the target for all the love and all the care, and you have nothing at the end of the day. Just nothing. You're you're worn out, you're out of I mean I mean you're out of gas. When that happens and you don't have any time for each other, and you don't have time to sit down and have that conversation, you don't have that time. You know, to spend just talking about your life together and telling each other how much you love each other and saying that often and telling her she's pretty. And I I was just last night going through my phone and I was like, dog, you sure are pretty. You know, but I was just looking at her. But it is, you use when you recognize those things and you start communicating those things, it's very important. But often, and and you guys are in the middle of this. When you have, when you have children, they're in the home. I think we really need older women to come alongside our younger women and say, listen, don't forget your man. Don't forget that you guys need to romance the home and spend time and have those date nights. Have those like what you did a week or so ago. Say, okay, this is gonna be hard, but we're gonna check out, we're gonna get on a boat, we're gonna leave, leave the kids with uh my mom, and we're gonna go spend some days. That is imperative.

SPEAKER_04 23:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:07

And some people aren't willing to do that. They don't take that time out, they don't take that Sabbath, yeah, as we talked about, uh, where they not only spend time with God, but what about spending time with your husband? What about keeping that intimacy alive and uh, you know, and even the bedroom alive? That's really important. And uh when that becomes something less than what it should be, you're gonna notice it. Everybody's gonna notice it because it's gonna create conflict.

SPEAKER_04 23:44

Yeah, I'm gonna add one thing um to all that Perry just said about that question. Uh when you're looking for those signs that something might be coming, adults, check your screen time. Um check your screen time. Husbands, put your phone down. Uh wives, put your phone down. Laying in the bed together in the dark, not talking, uh both on your phones does not count as spending time together. Okay. Um I'm not saying that that if that's what you're doing, that you're not spending another time together, but you can't communicate when both of your heads are looking down at a 45-degree angle.

unknown 24:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:26

And you're and you're letting a screen be what communicates for you. And I say that as a person who has who hasn't set up an app on his phone to block out social media, to block out certain things during periods of time in the day so that I can focus on what I need to focus on when I need to focus on it. And one of those times of the day is from 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. I've got to be locked in for family time. Then from eight to nine, I can have some socials. And then after that, that's time for me and my wife to talk, right? That's time if I've got to do some schoolwork or whatever, sure, some of that slides in there too. But check your screen time.

unknown 25:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:04

The Bible says adultery is a trap. And what we fail to understand is immediately after God created the husband and the wife, when he performed that first marriage in the garden, what happened was, and by the way, that was what he did. He performed the marriage.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

He brought them together, they made a commitment together, and he said, You're now bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh, which is kind of funny because he wasn't very good at being romantic. Uh he's like, we're like, we're like a skeleton without each other. Yeah. But at the same time, Satan started working diligently against the family. And that's what we're seeing in our culture today. Satan is consistently working against the family. He's working against commitment. And there's a lot of unknit needs, there's a lot of unfulfilled expectation, a lot of unresolved conflict. Who do you think that comes from? That's we don't wrestle against flesh and blood. Yeah. It's not against our wife, it's not against the husband. It's against an enemy who has been after families from day one.

SPEAKER_04 26:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

So men need to get up the get the Bible and get a sword out and fight for their families. They need to be in Word and they need to be fighting for their families. And uh and ladies need to be working hard to say, I'm gonna I'm gonna learn how to love my husband. We're going to keep the home fires burning, and we're gonna make sure that love and intimacy is something that we give to our kids. One more thing. Uh uh right after we started having kids, we we did a little study together, and it was really, really good uh for us. And a lot of the practical stuff about how to help a baby, you know, get on our time schedule and all that, that was all in there. But one of the studies that they did is they did a study and said children need a bedtime. And you give them that bedtime, and I know what happens. As soon as you want to put a child to bed, they get thirsty. It's amazing how thirsty they get. They get so thirsty, they get so thirsty, and you would think that you know they need a deluge of water, and and then it's the next thing, and it's the next thing, and it's the next thing, and before you know it, you know, you're what they're doing is is you have to draw a boundary. I mean, everybody wants to talk about boundaries these days. Why don't we talk about boundaries when it comes to our children and say, no, you're you're you're bumping into mama and daddy time.

unknown 27:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

And what they did in that study is that study, they proved that children that are the most successful uh all across the board, uh they they learn better. They um their their test scores were even higher in school. Uh they were more well socialized and so forth. When they had parents who said, you've got a bedtime, and those parents poured into each other, and they learned, they learned, listen, it is absolutely normal. This is what I'm going to experience someday. I'm going to experience a dad and mom that says, Listen, this is daddy and mommy time. Listen, in the end, I can tell you, because I'm there. My children grew up. Okay? They grew up. And my children, when they grew up, guess what? They have their own husbands and wives. And it's funny, if I ask them to do something, what do you think their first question is? Let me talk to my spouse. That's exactly right. Yep. There you go. Cha-ching. So that's it. Let me talk. Because they did. They left their father and mother. We're now extended family. We're not immediate family. We are extended family. They have their own family. And I believe that's a very, very, very important line and a boundary that they draw. So we need to draw the line while they're in our home.

SPEAKER_03 29:25

I know that answer because uh I can't wait to say that. I can't wait to use that card because I'm gonna use it. I'm gonna overkill it. I can't wait to throw that out. All right. Well, you got it. Let me talk to my wife first.

SPEAKER_04 29:38

And then we can make you able to say that today. Or maybe tomorrow. I don't know what uh licensing ones are.

SPEAKER_03 29:46

We got you, man. Well, uh, if we haven't ruffled any feathers yet, let's see if this question can uh start to ruffle some.

Lust Culture And Guarding The Heart

SPEAKER_02 29:54

My feathers or their feathers? Their feathers.

SPEAKER_03 29:57

Well, I thought you were coming after me. You're pretty ready for anything. Yeah. So Jesus said that adultery begins in the heart, not just in the actions. So why do you think culture normalizes lust and emotional compromise so much? And how can Christians stay spiritually grounded in that environment? My goodness, we've got to look at the word.

SPEAKER_04 30:23

Christians, get your eyes off of secular culture, get your eyes off of what the world says is appropriate and compare it to the truth that's found in God's word. Um, this is something that I get to interact with a lot in student ministry, right? Um we have students who they get all the same sexual and sexually implicit messages everywhere, right? Uh, we you know you end up with with guys who go from seeing commercials on TV to suddenly they're looking at things online that their friends showed them and getting to minister to them through that and helping them understand like, listen, the way your brain works is it treats that the same way your brain responds to a drug. The world knows that, right? Marketers and advertisers know that. Yeah, and so they build-yeah, they build these systems literally to get you drawn into whatever they're trying to sell. The old adage, sex sells, the unfortunate reality is it does. So, as Christians, how do we do that? Well, instead of dwelling on the things below, we dwell on the things above, like Paul says in Philippians 4, right? We've got to keep our eyes and our minds on what is pure and what is lovely and what is just um for our married listeners out there. And I'm not gonna say just husbands, even though that's the inclination. Uh, we're seeing more and more where women uh are growing just as much as a target for the pornography industry and everything else. Um guys, make sure that you're looking at your spouse as the gift that God gave, yeah, uh gave them to you as, right? Uh, and enjoy that union, right? You need to have sex. That's that that's biblical. God gave that to us as a gift. Um, I'm not saying that somebody needs to set the schedule and it needs to be 14 times a week or anything. That's not what I'm saying. Like, I mean, figure out what what I hate saying married men.

SPEAKER_02 32:32

Yes, married men. We don't want any students out there saying, I heard Pastor Ryan say married couples.

SPEAKER_04 32:38

I thought I made that clarification, but if I didn't, I'm saying it now. You did. We're just double dipping it. Yeah hey, uh Jordan, make sure that that gets emphasized, right? Throw some horns on it or something. Okay. Uh married men and married women. Uh, because when when you start distancing yourself from that, then those signals that we get from the world become that much more amplified.

unknown 33:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:06

And the, you know, the lust of the eyes is a real thing. And um, you know, in the sermon I told the story, it's kind of a funny story, but kind of not so funny in some ways. But it was a story about when I was in Auburn, Alabama. There's a lot of college girls there, obviously. And when I was there, there was a guy bagging groceries one day, and I was like, I was just trying to stay under the radar as a pastor. And sometimes when I'm out, that's what I try to do. I'm like, okay, I just need a little bit of a break here, you know? Yeah. And um, so I was standing in line, and this guy was looking at these girls, and when they left, he whistled over to his buddy on the the cash richer and say, Hey, take a look at that, you know, kind of thing. And uh anyway, one of the girls said, Hey, you're married, you have three kids. And to which his response was, Well, I can look but not touch. And uh, and I heard him saying this, and I thought, this is gonna be interesting to see how this goes down. And I was standing there, I mean, I think I was like in a concert t-shirt or something. I don't know, it may have been Van Halen or something, I don't know what it was, but I was in a pair of shorts, and I was just I did not look like a pastor. And um I was standing in line, and while I was standing in line, the um they they began to argue, the girl and the married guy, hey, it's okay to look, not touch. And they decided all of a sudden to look to me to be the jury. I'm like, dude, I'm just trying to get milk and eggs, you know. Um, so I was trying to get milk and eggs, and they said, they said, What do you think? And it was kind of funny because uh he said, What do you think, mister? There ain't nothing wrong, he said, with looking as long as I'm not touching, is there? And anyway, my response was kind of funny. I said, Well, Jesus said, if any man looks upon a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery in his heart. So I quoted Matthew 5, verse 28. And all of a sudden the guy thought, Oh, I didn't expect to, uh I think you figured out he tapped into a preacher next door here, you know, and he didn't know I was. But and it is true, and she looked at him, she says, Yeah, she says, uh, and I think you were lusting, is what she said. But it's so easy to get her eyes off. You know, God, let's just be honest, God made women beautiful. Yeah, he made women beautiful, and there was a reason for that. But uh where you choose to focus your attention will make a huge difference. And that's part of the commitment. When you say, okay, I'm gonna focus my attention, I'm gonna, I'm gonna marry this girl, she's beautiful. I think what happens is it's kind of like me after 40 years, I still look at her and I go, gosh, she really is pretty. And I really do believe she is. Uh, she really is pretty. And um, and it just that that feeds our relationship. But there's always a temptation. I mean, Driscoll talks about this on some of his reels and stuff he does. He says, you know, if men, if if if you tell you men don't struggle with this, they're lying to you or they're denying it. Um, but I think men do struggle. I think women struggle with the emotional thing.

SPEAKER_00 36:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:47

You have a man that comes up at work and he's listening to you and he's, you know, telling you all the good things about yourself and has something positive to say about you, and and you gotta be careful because that emotionally draws them in. Yeah. So um where men have often the the the thing with eyes. With the eyes, the women have the thing of the heart.

unknown 37:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:10

And those two are real.

unknown 37:12

Yeah.

Making Jesus Lord Of Marriage

SPEAKER_03 37:14

So the sermon ends with a reminder that marriage ultimately belongs to God. So as we conclude for this episode, what are some practical changes uh in a relationship when a couple truly makes Jesus the Lord of their marriage instead of just inviting him in to part of it?

SPEAKER_02 37:33

The Bible says live with your wife in an understandable way, that your prayers will not be hindered. God's saying, guys, listen, if you don't live in an understandable way with your wife, I'm not gonna listen to you. That's some pretty serious stuff. I'm like, I don't want God putting his fingers in his ears when I'm praying. I need him to hear everything I'm saying, and I need his help every every moment. But I think how do we how do we sit down and how do we come to an understanding in heart? That doesn't mean we're not ever, that there's something wrong with our marriage if we don't always agree. Matter of fact, that's just normal. And I think a lot of couples need to understand it's normal for you to not always agree. And that's you know, God's not creating this this scenario in your life where you're never gonna have, like you're gonna be always on the same page. But he is creating for us an environment where he says, if you'll come together with understanding, I'm gonna meet there. G even says this, come let us reason together, saith the Lord. He says that to us. In other words, I want you to understand where I'm coming from as I'm directing your life, as I'm leading your life. And I think men need to understand too, we have a we have a God-given responsibility to spiritually spiritually lead the home and to care and take care of our families. Um, and I I think that's something we've lost too. We've lost the that sense of responsibility of I I you know, I need to be taking care of my wife. I need to be taking care of my kids. And um I think that when we say part of taking care of them is for us to live in an understandable way. So I'm gonna put the effort in. We're not gonna spend our time, you know, screaming and yelling at each other. We're gonna sit down and say, help me to understand. I think if we could say that to each other when we don't understand um where they're coming from, I think if we could say, help me to understand, uh a man could say that to his wife. A wife can say that to her husband. What would it be if two people come together and say, help me to understand? I bet they would start reasoning things out together, and I bet God would show up and God would really add something to their marriage that they probably didn't have before, as opposed to just seeing as conflict, conflict, conflict. Replace conflict with understanding, and God says, I'm gonna hear your prayers, which leads us to believe that you know, if a man's living his wife in an understandable way, that they're gonna actually pray about it. And so it leads us to prayer and bringing our differences and laying them at the feet of Jesus. And guess what? He's gonna answer our prayers.

SPEAKER_04 40:39

Yeah, I think the only thing that I would add into that mix is just to when we submit to Christ as Lord of our relationship, he comes up in our relationship. It can't be something that we don't we don't get to say, yeah, Christ is Lord of our relationship, and the only time he comes up is at church, right? Or the only time he comes up is when we need to, when we've got VBS, right, or or whatever. Uh, when he's Lord, a practical change that happens uh in our relationship and in our marriage is that we we desire to honor him, right? And so that brings us to things like developing this heart position of help me understand, right? It g it gives us um some spiritual awareness there of like, okay, how am I gonna honor God in this? Well, I'm gonna be respectful, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be concerned, I'm gonna genuinely try and figure this out together. Uh, we're gonna pray about it, we're gonna pray together, our kids are gonna see us pray together. Um because when when he's Lord of our life, he comes up, right? And so if he's Lord of our marriage, he's gonna come up in our marriage. It's gonna be Jesus is gonna be uh everything about who we are. I think that's what that looks like.

Daily Choices And Final Encouragement

SPEAKER_03 42:10

So healthy marriages don't happen by accident, they're built through daily choices. Choices to honor, protect, forgive, pursue, and stay committed. And the beautiful thing about God's design for marriage is this He never acts as to build it alone. The same Jesus who restores broken people can restore broken trust, broken communication, and broken relationships too. So whether your marriage is thriving or struggling, or you're preparing for one someday, remember this. What you protect, you preserve. And what you place in God's hand, he is faithful to strengthen. Gentlemen, see you next week. Happy marriage.

SPEAKER_01 43:08

We believe a life built on truth is a life that transforms everything. To stay connected, share this message, subscribe, or visit us online at Kinnesoft First.church. We'll see you next time. Keep building your life on truth.