TW: My Birth Story EP. 11

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Wherever you are, rocking a baby, folding laundry, or hiding in your bathroom for five quiet minutes..I’m so glad you’re here.

Transcript

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Hello and welcome to the nursing mother's room. Whether you have been chasing around toddlers all morning, you've been up since 6 a.m. And your coffee's cold. Wherever you are, I'm so glad you're here. If you're like me, you've probably been up since 6 a.m. chasing a toddler and uh feeling like you haven't gotten anything done. On top of that, I think I have tried to record this video at least three times now. And each time something has come up, but I guess that's uh what happens when you are a new mom of two. Had my baby, in case you guys didn't know. We've been living in the newborn bliss and adjusting to being a family of four. It has definitely been a wild journey, and we are so grateful and thankful, but it is definitely, definitely a new season that is very, very stretching at the moment. We are for sure loving every single moment of it, and I know that it's been a while since I have come on here and done an episode and talked with you guys, and so I figured this would be the perfect time. We are now almost eight weeks. I'm almost eight weeks postpartum, and it's been a journey. So, for those of you who did not know, I ended up having to be induced. I had gestational diabetes, and our little girl was growing very large very fast. So our doctor decided that around 37 weeks is when I would need to be induced so that we wouldn't have to worry about her getting too big or sugar levels or different things. I started on metformin to try to bring down my sugar levels or my fasting numbers in the morning because I was still very, very high. My food numbers were actually doing pretty good, but the fasting numbers were still kind of up there. Instead of being in like around the 90s range, I was in the hundreds and I was on a strict diet. I had the gestational diabetes book that kind of gives recipes. You stay with high protein, low carb, low sugar, and it just was I was feeling really good with the diet and with the meal plans and all the different things that I was doing, but it just wasn't enough to manage the diabetes. So I was on metformin. With the metformin, I started having all kinds of crazy side effects, and one of them ended up being very, very strong heart palpitations that would really kick my butt, especially in the evening. And so after talking with my doctor, we decided that going on insulin would be the next best option, and we started around eight units at the beginning at night before I went to bed, and then shortly thereafter, my numbers were still kind of high, so we upped the units to 12. So it was around 12 units that I was taking at night. I started to feel better. The insulin was really helping, brought my numbers down. My numbers after I would eat weren't bad, it was definitely just the fasting numbers that we had to keep an eye on. So I was very grateful for that. So around 34 weeks was when I went into labor with my son. My waterhead broke spontaneously, and it was definitely a weird situation. Obviously, we were concerned because he was early, and so around 34 weeks, I actually started to feel a little bit off to, and part of me was thinking, Man, could I actually go into labor again? And I definitely did not ended up going to around 37 weeks, and I was in so much pain, I was so tired. I hadn't been this pregnant before when I had my son, so it was definitely a trying time, it was definitely a journey, and I was ready. By the time that we were getting close to our induction, everybody around me knew that I was ready. I was making that very evident that I loved being pregnant. I love being able to feel my daughter inside of me and feeling her move and everything, but I was definitely ready to not be pregnant anymore. The day that we went in for the induction was Tuesday, March 10th. Went around 6 p.m. We put our son to no, we did not put our son to bed. The plan was to put our son to bed, but I needed to get there early and his bedtime was seven. So what we did is we brought him next door to Nana and Papa's um because they were gonna hang out with him that evening. He hung out and we kind of just sent him off, let him let him know that he was going to Nana and Papa's, and he kind of ran off like nothing. Um he definitely was not emotional about it, I definitely was, and tried to get him actually to come back and give me a hug and say goodbye. And you know, he just was like ready to go, and his favorite thing is getting cookies from Papa, so he was definitely excited to go over. He was ready for some treats and we were headed off to the hospital. So we get to the hospital, we checked in around like 6:30 at this point, and as we're getting there and getting checked in, they're like, Oh, here for Clunk. And I was like, Oh, yeah. So they had a room ready for us and everything. And come to find out, the room that we were in was actually the exact same room that we were in almost two years before with our son when we were pregnant, and we ended up going into labor. So it was an interesting time, felt very much like a full circle. And while we were waiting for the doctor, we just kind of settled in, got ready. We brought our fire stick, brought the switch, brought iPads, laptops, chargers, all the whole nine yards. Because last time our hospital stayed, we ended up staying for about a week when we had our son, and I labored for over 35 hours. And so this time around, we were definitely prepared for a long stay. We were hoping it wasn't gonna be long, but we're definitely prepared for it. So we settled in and got situated. They were letting me know that they were gonna start me on cytotech, the medication. They went to check my cervix first. I was around three centimeters dilated and 50% of face already going in, and so once they started me on the cytotech, they were saying that they could start me on the epidural after a while, and then later on they would like track my progression and then see where we would be for the pitocin and things like that, and so I opted for the epidural like as soon as possible. So we ended up doing the epidural like around midnight, and honestly, I think before when I had my son, I was I was given pain medicine beforehand this time around. I was not. And when they first went to to do the lidocaine, I was definitely feeling it, and I was already starting to cry, it was very painful. And then they did the epidural, and honestly, like even talking about it now, I could like still feel it like in my back, and so it's so weird, such a weird thing. And um that like hurt, and honestly, after everything, like once I got the epidural, I was like feeling great, and I was feeling good for maybe around like an hour, and then after like an hour, something weird started happening. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was dozing, like I was literally like about to fall asleep, but like pass out, fall asleep. And we ended up calling in the nurse, and they gave me um epinephrine, which was very, very weird that it was almost like I was having an allergic reaction or something to it. But they had to do that to like bring me back, and it was definitely wild. But after they did that, I was feeling fine, and I was like, you know, on cloud nine with the epidural and was just enjoying the time with my husband. I ate before they gave me the epidural, and we just kind of hung out. We hung out, and I ended up getting my husband into Gilmore Girls, and we probably watched that the entire stay of the hospital. They always try to tell you to get some rest when you're in the hospital, but they never actually give you the opportunity to get rest because there's always doctors and nurses coming in and out, and it felt like every 20 minutes or so I had somebody coming in checking on me. Once they realized the side attack wasn't working as well, then they started me on the Pitocin, and they started a really low dose of Pitocin to begin with, and then as things started progressing, they just tried to do more and more. So around 6-7 a.m. is when they came in, and they were still checking me. I think I was I was still not progressing as much, and so my doctor came in and ended up around like 9 a.m. breaking my water, and they were still trying to drain water out of me, probably till almost around like 3 p.m. It just was constant. Around 4 p.m., they were doing a quick check, which was hilarious. So my parents had come and stopped by because the last check that they did, the nurse had said that on one side I was around seven centimeters dilated, and the other side I was around nine, so it was like really weird how they could like determine how far and how much on one side versus the other. And so we had text everybody in our family chat about that, and my parents ended up saying that they were like in the neighborhood and they ended up showing up at the hospital, and it's like, what are you guys doing here? And they were like, Oh, we just came, you know, and came to see you and see how things are going and stuff. And I was like, Well, you guys are good, like we're not, you know, we're not gonna probably have the baby for a while and stuff, you know. And so they hung out for a little bit, then they headed out, and they're like, Okay, well just text us if anything. My parents and everybody, we live like 10 minutes from the hospital, so they drove home, and then the nurse as she came back went to go and check again, just kind of randomly. She was like, How are you feeling? I was like, I was like, I'm starting to feel like a lot of pressure down there. And I was like, Can we do a quick check? And she's like, Yeah, we can check. And as she was down there checking, it was probably like 20 minutes later from when my parents left. She goes in to check and she's like, Oh, there is like nothing. She goes, Baby's coming. And I was like, What the heck? And so, like 3 45 in the afternoon, and so my husband started texting the family, baby's coming. My parents ended up rushing back, and as they were trying to get back, we just went into full baby mode. They called in the doctor, they brought in the rest of the nurses, brought in all the stuff who were going through and trying to get this baby out and starting to have me push. We still had Gilmore girls on in the background, and it literally wasn't even we didn't even get through a full episode. I think I pushed for about 17 minutes and she was here. And how much of a difference it was between her and my son from when I had him, because with him I pushed for an hour and like 15 minutes, but I literally couldn't feel anything, so I couldn't feel if I was pushing, I couldn't feel you know anything because they're all saying to push, and I'm like, I don't know if I am, you know, because I had been on the epidural for so long, it just was awful. So it was very nice to be able to have that and have that experience. At the very end, you know, doctor brought her out and everything, put her on my chest, and started sewing me up. This was the second time that I had the same second degree tear, and so the doctor started sewing me up, and as she's doing that, every time that she went to push and tried to do the fundal massage, all of that, and everything, I just did not stop bleeding. And so at this point, we already had our son in the waiting room, we had his godparents, we had my family in the waiting room, everybody was there. They were waiting to come meet the baby, but while we were there, they were sewing me up, and I just kept bleeding. And I was trying to nurse my daughter at that point. I was like on cloud nine, but I also was feeling very weak at that point, and so I I don't know, everything felt like it was happening so fast. We finally got to the point of like having everybody like come in to try to meet the baby and all of that. And at first, we wanted everybody to come in, my immediate family after our son came in to meet her because we wanted to tell everybody her name, and um that we named her after my grandmother, and her middle name was after like my mom, and so it was definitely a sweet and emotional time, but it was definitely tiring and stuff too, so I was pretty exhausted at that point, but I was feeling okay, I was excited and everything, and I was just feeling like I was just tired from pushing and giving birth, and so after a while we waited for my brother and his girlfriend to show up so that they could meet the baby because they were coming back from work and all that, so they were coming a little bit later. So by the time that they came, I was definitely feeling very off. Um, I started getting chills, I started to almost black out, and um my dad had bought me a cheeseburger for me to just eat something, and as I was like eating, I just ended up throwing everything up immediately. It was pretty bad. Um, and towards the end of it, I ended up hemorrhaging and lost about a liter of blood, which was a lot at the time, and so it just was it was very, very stressful. And I started to get heart palpitations while we were in there, and they would like make me cough. It's like a weird, I don't know how to explain it. And I don't know if it was really like my heart or more of my lungs that was causing that, and so I started to cough and all of that, and so they ended up doing an EKG on me. EKG came back normal, thankfully. Yeah, we had everybody come in, had to meet the baby like super quick, and then I wanted to just rest, and so I did. They had me on very strong pain medicine for that time being, and then when they moved us into the postpartum ward, I wanted to take a shower. They said that I couldn't because they still needed to monitor me and my levels and everything, and so it was just it was a rough time being in the hospital for from Tuesday through Saturday. Um, during that time we were monitoring my daughter's sugar levels, which came back good. We had a really great nurse who helped us out with doing that because with me having gestational diabetes, they had to check her sugars, and um, we were just terrified. We didn't wanna, I didn't want to have to stay in the hospital longer than necessary, and so they did the sugar levels and stuff, and one of the last ones she almost didn't pass, and they ended up doing a retest, which was like really frustrating just because they had to keep pricking her heel and uh making like pushing her foot around a bit and making her bleed a little bit more, and it was just very, very hard to see that and to hear your baby screaming, you know. But um, when she came out, she came out great. She was eight pounds, three ounces, 20 inches long, and she was definitely definitely a big girl. So we were very, very excited to just have her and be able to have her in our arms. And when they were doing the sugar levels, we were worried about um this, that. And during that time, we also had I had to take it that way for the couple weeks before we ended up getting induced, I had been pumping and collecting clostrum. So um, with my son, I didn't get the chance to do any of that. So when we were in the hospital with him, we had to use donor milk, which was such a blessing. And so after after I was finishing my breastfeeding journey with him, I was actually able to donate, I think, over like 200 200 ounces of milk to the same milk bank that we got milk from, which was such a blessing, and it was so amazing to be able to give back to them too. Um, so this time around, I had made sure to pump colostrum because I knew that my milk probably wouldn't have come in right away, and so as I was pumping, um, I collected so she had milk while we were in the hospital, and then they gave me the pump as well to be able to pump and breastfeed and you know to pump milk for her. So I was definitely blessed to be able to do that this time around. And while we were in the hospital, they kept me longer because of how much blood I lost, and they wanted to monitor my blood pressure and things like that. The first time that they did her 24 hours, she was actually doing really well and she didn't have anything of concern, and then this next round they ended up finding that her bilirubin numbers were actually kind of high, and so with that they were gonna have to check her a few hours later, see how well she's eating, and then they were gonna go from there and see what we were gonna do. Now, last time around with my son, his bilirubin numbers were very high, and that's what ended up keeping us in the hospital for extra days, and he had to be under light therapy and have the little light mask and everything, and it was very emotional for me, for my husband, and um also our son because he was a preemie. The mask that they had didn't fit him, and so it was always sliding down on his nose, and he like couldn't breathe, and so he would just wake up screaming, and it was just very like hard. Um, while he's under the light therapy, we couldn't hold him or anything. He would need to be under there um and just eat like every couple hours, and so that would be like the only time that we could like take him off, and so it was very, very hard for a new mom, and so I was very emotional during that time. You know, just had my baby super early, and I just like wanted to go home. So when they're telling me that my daughter's Billirubin numbers are very high, I was very sad about that, and I was very frustrated too because I did not want to go through that again, and so I was definitely devastated when they came back and told us that she was gonna have to be under light therapy for a bit, and so they were hoping that it wasn't gonna have to be long though, because her numbers weren't too high. She was at like a 10, and the doctor wanted her to be down around a nine for us to be able to go home, and so one of the ways that you can help with your kids with their bilirubin numbers is just to kind of help flush them out, and so um I definitely just started like I guess like they call like power pumping or something or whatever, but I basically was pumping every hour, and I was hydrating, I was eating, I was trying to get my electrolytes, everything in um just so I could have more breast milk or have my milk come in. And so I think around Thursday is when my milk started to come in, and so Friday when they told us that her bilirubin numbers were high, I started to just really pump consistently, like every hour, and the they had a lactation consultant come in, which was hilarious because she ended up being the same lactation consultant I had last time around with my son, and uh it was just really good to see her, and so I was talking to her about everything, everything that I was doing. My daughter was already eating about maybe about a milliliter. No, not a milliliter, she was eating about an ounce because I was like really pumping, and so the lactation consultant was just like so surprised, and she's like, Oh, that's so awesome! And so I was breastfeeding and pumping, and so I just kind of had myself in this rhythm of pumping and feeding, and so I would have her eat a little bit, then I would pump afterwards to try to get extra milk, and so I just kept that um pattern going and stuff for a bit. And so when she ended up being on the light therapy that night, um it was definitely one of the longest nights of my life because I felt like I couldn't sleep. I was up like every 20 minutes trying to check on her, and she didn't like the mask, she didn't like being in there, she didn't like us not holding her, she did not want to be swaddled like at all, and so anytime that even the mask would like slip, she would just start kicking and honestly like kick herself up and like arch herself like so far back that it was just really wild. She's very, very strong, and so it was a uh it was an interesting time, um, and it was definitely a long night. And so my mom stayed that night with me, and my husband went back home to be with our son so that he wasn't without us for so long, and he would come back in the morning the next day, and so we were just going back and forth, and it just was very hard and frustrating to have to deal with like all of that. So I was not happy about it, I was very emotional, and then you know, I started to break down when they had told us about her Billirubin and all of that, and the nurse I think was trying to mean well or whatever. But the first thing that she asked was, Oh, do you have postpartum depression? I'm like, No, I really just want to take my baby home. My son is at home, I have not been away from him like this long ever. And so I just like I I understand the concern, but I also was very frustrated that that's like the first thing that they jumped to was that I had postpartum depression. I'm like, no, I just had my daughter. I'm like very happy. I'm very happy to not be pregnant anymore. I'm very happy that she's healthy. I just want to go home. So it was definitely a tough time, and so I was not happy, and so we stayed overnight and we just kept praying. We kept praying over her, praying over our son. I was definitely losing it, and because in my head, I'm thinking I don't want to stay here another week, you know, like we did with our son. And my husband kept looking at me and he's like, Hey, she's gonna be okay. I need you to be strong, I need you to like pull through. And even before we had her, we had a good friend of ours that I just feel this thing of your daughter that like she's a fighter and that like there are things that are gonna be coming, you know. She's like not like bad in a sense, but she's like that she's gonna have to overcome and she's gonna have to power through, and like that, you know, she's just a fighter in general. Nobody knew what her name was, and her name is Victoria. And Victoria in Latin is to be you know a variation of victory and an overcomer, and so when she kept telling me that, I I looked at her and I smiled and I was like, wait till you hear her name, and then you'll you'll see that it makes sense. And so it was definitely one of those moments where I felt like we had to fight, and not only was she in the fight, but I had to fight too. Because I knew that she was fighting, it pushed me to fight even more. That this wasn't gonna be the same situation that it was with my son. This wasn't like times before. This is a different situation, and it's a new day, a new child, and she definitely is a fighter. She pulled through, she kicked butt, and that next morning they came in to check her numbers again and said that she was good, and so we were getting ready to check out and leave that day. And so I think around 4 p.m. is when we finally got to come home, and um, I was just super super emotional because I hadn't seen my son since he met his sister. Just because for him it was hard to have him come see me and then take him away from me, and it just was like trying to do the back and forth. It was just better for him emotionally to just be home. He was home with you know his godparents, with my parents, with his aunt and uncle, with his cousins. Um, my husband would come back to be with him, and so it was just it was good, it was hard, and um, you know, he out of everything, like he he calls his dad, he says like nana and papa and stuff, but he doesn't really say mama much, which I'm like still offended by. But um, my husband had sent me a video when I was in the hospital, and he was like he had hugged my husband, and he was like mama, like mama, and that made me like so sad, and so I was like, Don't send me that, you're gonna make me cry. And even now I get emotional thinking about it that my son was like looking for me, you know, and um I think that's one of the hardest things is when you go to have another baby, you're very excited, and you know, you're feeling all the things, but then also thinking of having to leave your other children at home I think is one of the hardest things ever because it's like you're torn, like your world is like torn in half, you know. So it was definitely an emotional time. But we um we pulled through and came back that evening, and my sister he was hanging out with my sister, and so she brought him home and got to see him. Spend time with him, and um, it was just very emotional. Like, I was holding him, and he very much sometimes like is not a physical touch type person, he's like his father that way, he does not like it. And for me, I'm like, I'll smother you, you know. We got home, and I was just holding him, and he just didn't want to like let go of me, so it was definitely an interesting time. Um, he just didn't want to let go of me, and so that made me even more emotional. But I was so thankful to be home and thankful that we got to come back home together as a family of four. So I was very tired, and even that morning I had been feeling off, and I had been discharged that Friday because they said that you know I was like good, so they technically discharged me. But they let me stay in the room, let me stay in the hospital to be with her because I was breastfeeding, and so because of that, I'm like her primary you know source of food and all that. So I stayed in the hospital with her, but technically I'm no longer a patient, and so that Saturday I had been on Percocet and Vicadin during the time in the hospital, and then when I was discharged, they just discharged me with Tylenol and ibuprofen, and which was not the same thing at all, and so I was definitely feeling like all kinds of stuff. I was feeling like very off. I kept feeling pain in my stomach and my sides. Um, I felt like I couldn't breathe, my chest was really hurting, and um, they just kept saying that this was all stuff of like you know, postpartum and all of that, and I was like, No, something's wrong. And the last time I had this with my son, I had postpartum proclamsia. Every time that I would go in though, my blood pressure would like fluctuate, and so when I would go in to like be like, hey, something's wrong, they're like, Oh, your blood pressure is not high enough for us to do anything, take some blood pressure meds and you'll be fine. And I was just like, This is insane, like you know. So I never got looked at. Every time that I came in, I was like just dismissed, and I would get these dizzy spells I think I've talked about before. My vision would go blurry, my arm would go numb, and I just would feel like all kinds of stuff. So this time around, I made sure that I was advocating for myself, and so I ended up going into obed and going to get looked at. And the doctor that was in there that was on call was a doctor that I had seen before several times while I was pregnant, and I would tell him, I'm feeling this, I'm feeling that, and he'd be like, Oh, drink some coke and you know, go rest. And I'm like, I have gestational diabetes, I can't drink coke right now, you know what I mean? So it just felt very like dismissive of things, you know, and I understand that like he had other patients or different people to deal with, you know, but I had very, very real concerns, and I felt like I was dismissed, and so I was very frustrated. And so Saturday when I went in, same thing happened. My blood pressure was pretty high, but he was like, you know, it's just postpartum stuff, like go home. And he was basically like, you know, what else are you feeling? And I was like, Oh, I've had like these pains and stuff, and like my chest, my stomach's hurting, my stitches are hurting, like I'm starting to feel everything, obviously, because I'm not having such strong pain meds. And he's like, Oh, well, you should be fine, just go home, drink some water, basically hydrate, rest, all that. So I was like, Okay, whatever. And so I was very frustrated. They told me to follow up with my OB that following week, and so while I was home, I was like terrified to go to sleep, terrified to go to sleep because I would have those episodes where if I was laying down flat on my flat on my back, I would feel like my chest was caving in and I couldn't breathe, and it just was awful. I couldn't sleep, and so I was just dealing with this for days and struggled several times with wanting to go back into emergency, wanting to get looked at, was talking in Facebook groups about these things, like mom groups, and they were basically like everybody was saying, Go get back and go get checked. And I would check my blood pressure at home, numbers would be high, numbers would fluctuate, and it was just very scary. And so, so then on Wednesday that following week, I went in to go get my blood pressure checked. And before they were saying that, like, oh, if you feel pain, if you feel this or that, go to Obed and go get looked at, and I just kept telling them, like, I every time that I've gone in, they just dismiss me. Like, I feel like I'm crazy, and I don't like that. I hate wasting my time coming in if they're not gonna do anything or they're not gonna take me seriously. And so they said, We understand, and my one of my nurses at the OB, and she is like, I I understand. Um, she's like, just come in and we'll check your blood pressure and go from there. I went in to go get my blood pressure checked, and my numbers were 175 over 99, so it was very, very high. And so basically, the nurse went and went to go talk to my doctor and came back and said, Okay, because your numbers are really high, you need to go over to Obed again. The doctor that's there is the one that you met with on Saturday. She said that the doctor called him specifically and told him, Hey, you need to like really look at her, look at her stuff, look into this and everything. And she said, But you should go over there now. And so I went over there, went to talk to the doctor and to get looked at. And at the time, calling my sister to come and help me with the baby, and she headed over. But when I went in to go get looked at, the doctor that I had seen before, he was basically like, Oh, you came in on Saturday, and we didn't admit you. And I looked at him and I was like, Yeah, no, you didn't. Like, I probably should have been. And he was like, Oh, yeah, he's like, Well, we'll get you looked at all this stuff, and blah blah blah. And he was acting very, very sweet, which before he had been kind of abrasive with me, which is was like whatever about it. And so I was very frustrated um because they were telling me that they were gonna monitor me, but they were gonna need to keep me overnight. And so at that point, they had sent me down to the actual emergency and ran all kinds of tests. They did blood work, EKG, MRI, CAT scan, like all kinds of stuff. And I was just very frustrated because why didn't they do this the other day? Why didn't they take me seriously beforehand? You know, it another doctor calling him to be like, hey, something's like really wrong, like you need to really look at her. Because my blood pressure was high even then. It was like when I went in on that Saturday, it was like I think like 150, and they were telling me that anything over 140 is high. So, what they were gonna do is have me on magnesium for 24 hours, and because of that, I could not be the primary care for my daughter at that time. If I needed to get up or needed to hold her or anything, like while people are on magnesium, like their body just like kind of goes limp a little bit, and so they have like weird reactions, and so I was terrified of any of that, and so my mom came to stay with me, kind of like just switching off, and then the next morning my sister was coming to be with me for a little bit, and then my husband would come with me, and then he'd go back to be with our son, and vice versa. So it was just uh all kinds of stuff, and so it was very, very frustrating to have to be admitted into the hospital again because I couldn't properly like nurse my daughter, they don't let you like sleep with your baby, they you know tell you to put them in the bassinet for safety concerns, which I understand, but I just wanted to be home, be with my kids, and you know, try to start recovering. And so this time around they said that they had to put me on magnesium because my blood pressure was so high that they were worried I was about to either have a stroke or um a seizure, and so I was very frustrated, just to say the least, and so they kept me overnight on the magnesium. Um, they were doing a catheter and stuff too, and I was not on any pain meds for it, and so it definitely was so uncomfortable and was so painful. And so after a couple of hours of just being on the magnesium, I told the nurse, I was like, Can we get this catheter out of me? I was like, because I can't do this. So they brought me a bedside, you know, toilet and everything, and uh I just had to use that. But every time, like my only full reaction to the magnesium was that when I went to get up, or if I tried to stand up, my legs were really wobbly, and so I definitely wouldn't be able to stand on my own or try to walk to the bathroom. So they had that there, and I was having to go to the bathroom like probably every hour just to make sure that you know I was like flushing out all of the magnesium and any water um that I was retaining, and so it definitely um was very, very hydrated at that point, and so yeah, so it was wild. And so they were keeping me, and then after the magnesium, I did really well. Then they moved me back to postpartum ward, um, almost in the exact same room that I was in before. And while I was in there, my husband was able to finally come back and spend the evening with me, and after our son went to bed, and I was just frustrated, I was exhausted, I was emotional. I was finally able to shower again at that point, and I was just very thankful to be able to be home, and it just was not a fun time for me at all. But that Friday they were trying to tell me that they were gonna keep me another night, and I was just so over it, and I was emotional and I was crying, and so the doctors again were like, Are you are you okay? And I was like, No, I'm not okay. I would like to be home with my kids because at that point they hadn't been doing anything else besides putting me on just the regular blood pressure medicine and just kind of checking me every sever several hours, but they were basing the checks on when I was kind of like fluctuating off of the blood pressure medicine because they had me taking the medicine twice, like every 12 hours, but they were monitoring me every nine hours or eight hours, and so because of that, by the time that they would check me the next time, my numbers would spike because it had been so long since I had taken my last dose of medicine, so it just didn't make sense to me of why they were using that, and so because of those numbers, they were like, Oh, well, we're gonna keep you longer. And the one doctor that we talked to it was very frustrating. Um, and I I try not to generalize things like just a male thing or whatever, but this guy was very much, I felt like mansplaining to me a bit, and he was also kind of a little rude, I would say. He was basically like, Well, we're gonna keep you and monitor you because we don't want to have like as the hospital, we can't have our readmittance rate. Readmittance? Admittance? They couldn't have the number of people that they readmit be higher than the 50% or whatever because it looks bad on the hospital and all this stuff. And he was basically telling me that they were just gonna keep me longer just to make sure that they didn't have to readmit me again. And part of it was like just very frustrating because I'm like, if you would have kept me from the beginning when I first had these concerns, we wouldn't be here right now. But nobody took me seriously back then, so it was just very frustrating to be told that like they were gonna keep me longer just because it looks bad, it doesn't so it doesn't look bad in the hospital. And I'm like, so it's it just felt like they didn't really care whether I was okay or not. And so they had me on the blood pressure medicine and they were trying to monitor me, and I was just very much like at the point to where I was like, I just want to go home, like my numbers are still gonna be high, it's this isn't gonna come down, like I it doesn't make sense to me. So they had to adjust the meds, they had to up it, give me a second medication. At that point with the blood pressure medicine, they were checking me, they bumped everything up to every eight hours. I was taking the medicine three times. Yeah, it was just a very like frustrating time because I wanted to go home. And when they would come in to do the blood pressure checks, they would try to tell me, okay, relax and stuff. And I'm like, I I can't relax. My blood pressure, I I just finally told the nurse, I said, my blood pressure is probably still gonna be high because I'm very frustrated. I'm angry at this point. I just want to go home. Like, I I'm not, I'm not even it's not even a concern for my health at this point. Like, they just didn't want my numbers, like me to be part of the statistics of them having to like you know, have more people in the hospital readmitted because they went to check me and she would tell me, like, oh, like catch your breath, breathe, all this stuff. And I just was praying beforehand that my numbers would be good because at that point my daughter had been checked out and she's not a patient, you know, and so now it's reversed that I'm the patient, and so I was just ready to go home. And by the time they ended up looking at the next set of blood pressure numbers, um, I was just right under it. I needed to be under 140 and I was at 139. And the nurse was like, I'm gonna talk to the doctor, and she goes, I'm gonna see what we can do to get you home. And I at that point, I just wanted to be home with my son. I wanted to be in my house, in my bed. I was uncomfortable, I was in pain, I was still bleeding a lot. I mean, I TMI, I was having like very large blood clots and things like that, and I just was not in a good place. And so, and I was getting in a very bad place mentally, not because of postpartum, but I was just frustrated and I was just in the same room, same four walls, could not leave, could not do anything. At that point, too, they had the IV in my hand, and every time that it would that they would check my blood pressure in the same arm, it was in the left arm, and my IV was in the left arm, my veins literally started to hurt so bad, and they would like pop up. And even now, like I don't know if you could see it, but on the vein by my ring finger, literally is still like swollen, and you could still see the bump where they put the IV in. And since then, I have had really bad pain in like my wrist and my hands on my like thumbs on both sides. Um, and I feel like the pain of that was masked for a long time with the meds and the ibuprofen and tylenol and everything, and so it was just very, very frustrated with everything in general, and so when they finally were gonna release me, I was definitely grateful. Um, we came back that Saturday again, and another Saturday stayed another Saturday, and by the time we were finally able to come home, I was just done and like came home. The drive home was just breaking down crying because I was so frustrated. I was thankful that somebody finally took me seriously, but again, at what cost? Like it was so much later, so like literally didn't even have time to just enjoy being home with my daughter, and I was just very frustrated. And I feel like again, a lot of women in the healthcare industry get overlooked, they get dismissed, and it's not until you start like really pushing and pushing back that like people start taking you seriously, so it's uh definitely a very frustrating time knowing that a lot of people don't take you seriously, but yeah, so all of that to say that after I came home, I definitely was feeling a lot better. I was very happy to be home, enjoying being home with my kids, and since then it's just been a great, a great time. Like even that night when I went to check my blood pressure, came home, my numbers were already so like down so significantly than they were in the hospital, even with the blood pressure medicine. And so I just was happy to be home, and you know, since then it's been about like five weeks since we've been home, and I've just been very grateful and adjusting to being a mom of two, and that in itself is challenging, but all of the medical stuff has like finally gone down. I went in for my six-week appointment, and my blood pressure numbers were like almost considerably low, and my doctor was like, Yeah, take yourself off of the blood pressure meds, like you're good, and so I've just been very grateful because I I hadn't had to deal with high blood pressure like ever before I was pregnant during my pregnancy with her. I I I didn't have it, and so I was very, very grateful that my OB had been listening to me and a lot of my concerns and different things, but it's just very frustrating when you get with somebody who like doesn't know you. Um and that's why I think like partnering with an OB and doctors who actually like take the time to get to know you, understand your concerns, understand your health issues is a really big deal because that makes all the difference when you're in situations like this versus somebody who may just be reading a chart and just sees you know a name or sees you as a number, which obviously isn't the case for everybody, but I know that in some cases there really are people who get overlooked and dismissed, and it's very frustrating. And so I sympathize with you guys, and now from my own experience, I definitely know that I will never stop advocating for myself and never stop pushing back, so it's definitely a wild time, but yeah, that was my birth story, and so we've just been enjoying being home, and our daughter is now about to be eight weeks, which is just wild to me that that's even a thing that it time has just flown by so fast, and so yeah, I wanted to share that with you guys. I wanted to encourage you to advocate for yourself, always be in prayer for your body, for your children, and I just know that if I did not have the Lord and did not have my husband, I would not have been able to make it through this time because I had just been very frustrated and upset and angry, and thank God that I had somebody by my side to help level me out and to bring me back down and to fight with me, but fight with me in prayer and in the word, and it's just been amazing, and we're loving having our two kids, and I still can't believe I have a daughter, which is wild to me, but yeah, so I hope that this story touched you in some way. Um, if you have any questions or concerns, or even want to share your story, just reach out to us at the nursing mother's room. We'll have the email below and connect with us on social media. And we're not meant to do this journey alone, we're not meant to be in motherhood alone. So never be afraid to reach out, and we will see you next time in the nursing mother's room. Bye bye. Someone's asleep.