Is Spain gay? Tap-ass | Wimbledon | Orgies | Jam boy Andrew

Coco, the time travelling tart and Queera Lynn talk Spain and all things Spanish in this weeks episode of tart talk...

Asking questions like; why is Spain so gay? Is Tapas making the Spaniard soft? And  what would you have a pervert for a slave? 

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:11

Hello, everyone around the world, and welcome to this week's episode of Tart Talk with me, Coco the time travelling tart.

SPEAKER_04 0:21

Hello, mi amoquilin. Hola.

SPEAKER_03 0:24

And as you might have guessed, this week's episode is all about Spain.

SPEAKER_04 0:30

Spain, Espanol. Yes, we're doing this in honour and respect of them winning the World Cup, which was quite sad because you were over here watching the final with me, weren't you? And three and two to Spain against England. We put up a good fight. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 0:47

I think that's what happened. I may have fallen asleep after drinking a bit too much Spanish wine, some some um um uh Rioja. God I had to think there.

SPEAKER_04 0:59

Well you yeah, I was very upset that you bought that round my house because I said we were all drinking cans of carling to celebrate England that day. But no, you turned up with your roja and you put uh you put a hex on the whole thing and we lost.

SPEAKER_03 1:11

I don't drink carling. I drink carver, not carling. There's a good Spanish sparkling drink, carver. Carver, not carling. It's sort of gone out of fashion, carver. Do you remember? Do you remember I think in the 2010s carver was all the rage and then it went prosecco and now it's English sparkling wine and Australian sparkling wine and South African sparkling wine and rabbina's never gone out of fashion.

SPEAKER_04 1:35

Well speaking of which, darling, I've got a gift for you. You haven't got me a rabbina, have you?

SPEAKER_03 1:39

I haven't you got close your eyes. Come here.

SPEAKER_04 1:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:42

Just because it's excruciatingly hot. Oh. And I got you one of these to keep you cool, darling.

SPEAKER_04 1:48

Oh, that's so kind of you. I do you know what's funny, right? What? Yesterday I was in one of my my corner shops that I own down Wandsworth Road, as we discussed last week, and I was looking at a Vimto, and I thought to myself, it's a can of Vimto, everybody, our sponsor of the week. I was looking we might upset Dr. Pepper, but who cares? Um, I was looking at a Vimto and I was thinking, I don't think in my whole life I've ever really drank a Vimto. Because I'm more of a ribena person, you know. But this is very exciting. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 2:16

Well there we are. Since 1908, apparently, Vimto. Cheeky Vimto. It's mad to think that Kaiser Wilhelm might have had a Vimto. Absolutely. Apparently, this is one of the cures for Spanish flu. Yeah, well, they should do. Right, cheers. Cheers, darling. Thank you very much. Do you want to do some ASMR? I would love to do some ASMR.

SPEAKER_04 2:38

Jesus. That was actually Spanish for hello, did you mean?

SPEAKER_03 2:44

Yeah. I mean, we're slightly digressing away from our theme of Spain. Yes. So tell me, Quirra. But they speak Spanish. They do. Yeah, and German. And and German. In bits. In bits. Ambition. In ambition. So before we go for our deep dive topic, talking about the world of Spain, how's your week, Queer?

SPEAKER_04 3:02

It's been quite an interesting week. Uh obviously uh Spain won the World Cup final, which was fabulous. I gave my parents a tour of London in the open convertible car. I know, and if you think I'm old, imagine how old they are. It was phenomenal. Did they enjoy it? They did enjoy it, yeah. In the financial district, which is, you know, you're heading towards your bank and your gurkin, those kind of things. Uh it's amazing how many office workers were trying to throw themselves in front of my car to just commit suicide, I imagine. You know, they're having a horrible day. It's amazing. None of them want to live. You know, people think if you drive through like Brixton or Peckham, people will walk in front of your car. No. Bank, the Gherkin, everyone's at it there.

SPEAKER_03 3:49

Maybe you should offer a service for anyone looking to end their life reliably. Because I have to say, having driven with you in a car last week, it was nerve-wracking stuff.

SPEAKER_04 4:00

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's because I I don't fear death because I know there's another side, you know. Really? Yes. What side is that? Oh, uh me and Jesus playing Scrabble, I imagine.

SPEAKER_03 4:11

That does sound like quite good fun. I think Jesus would be a good Scrabble player. But will he be able to play in English? Or would get that to translate? I think I prefer the Aramaic version of Scrabble. Do you think they played Scrabble like the cuneiform version of Scrabble? What has the most letters or the hieroglyphic form of Scrabble?

SPEAKER_04 4:29

You know the good thing about that is you could create little cuneiform clay pieces and still play Scrabble. You you probably could.

SPEAKER_03 4:35

It's a timeless piece. But it's sort of like cuneiform symbols up, down, left, and right. Yeah. Sort of like the symbol for national rail, those two backward-facing arrows. I know what's actually cuneiform.

SPEAKER_04 4:45

They could have done, they could they could have done one of those dance mats that Asian girls love in cuneiform.

SPEAKER_03 4:52

Oh, like in karaoke in like the arcades. Yeah. Where you did we ever go on one? We did actually in Soho, and it was awful. Oh, so that's actually a cuneiform, an ancient cuneiform game. Yeah. Oh, so that's what they used to do in the spare time.

SPEAKER_04 5:04

But you'd have loved me driving around because I was I I've had my Tanoy speaker, which is over there. So I that's my little kind of spit tall speaker, you see. And I had that on me, and I was just pointing things out. What with your parents? Yeah. So I was driving and they were both in the back, and I had the headset on, and I was kind of going, if you look to your left, you'll see an office worker who is regretting the job they've taken, but they need to pay off their car, and everyone could hear what I was doing. It was quite fabulous, really. That's fun. It's good fun. That's really fun. Do you not have one of them? No, I don't. I do something called project, darling. Oh, I can't do that. Theatre. Yeah. No, I can't do that. No. You can't do that. No, I don't project. No, it's not for me. It's not for me. It's for gays and communists projection. I don't project.

SPEAKER_03 5:51

And cinematographers.

SPEAKER_04 5:53

Anyway, what's the best thing about your week?

SPEAKER_03 5:57

Best thing about my week? Well, apart from um what was the best thing about my week? Let me just have a think. I had a cold bath. You had a bath. I had a cold bath. And actually, I've got to be honest, I was reading about Marco Polo. In the bath. In the bath. You had a b on a book or a Kindle? A real A real book. Wow. And I was slightly annoyed that I wasn't mentioned, because as you well know, I was his travel organiser. I was his planner. You were his guide. I was his guide. You knew him. Yeah, I knew him. I literally, like, years of my life going into that holiday for him, which went a bit wrong. No, he was gay. Was he? But he but basically three men arrived, all of them merchants. One of them was Marco Polo. Bum merchants. Exactly, bum merchants. And they were like, Hi Coco, how's it going? Uh we want to go somewhere fun. And I was like, Have you been to Spain? And they're like, No, we want to go east. And I was like, Well, why don't you go on a little adventure? Um, basically, they wanted to go on a little bum cruise, I think.

SPEAKER_04 7:01

You tried to sell them an 18 to 30 holiday in Zante, didn't you? Like a kind of a piss-up boat and a kind of holiday where they could you get up to all manner of fisting and gisting and all kinds of stuff. And they said, No, we want to explore ourselves, we want to go east, we want to have a little tie boy, things like that. And they did.

SPEAKER_03 7:19

And they literally like they went full tie.

SPEAKER_04 7:22

Did they have lady boys, did they?

SPEAKER_03 7:24

Yeah, they were lady boys. They became lady boys. They had to make a living. And they couldn't be like merchants. I mean, when someone says back in the day I was a merchant, I mean, what actually does that mean? I mean, how do you become a merchant? Oh, I'm a merchant in saffron or silk or just me selling something.

SPEAKER_04 7:44

Yeah, am I a merchant? Well, what do you sell? Um sexual favours.

SPEAKER_03 7:49

That's sex work. You're a merchant of sex. A merchant of of erections. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 7:58

I sell the experience.

SPEAKER_03 7:59

Yeah. I mean, the life of merchant is fascinating. I mean, I bec I wonder if there was sort of like merchant school.

SPEAKER_04 8:07

Uh there would have been merchants' guilds. Like kind of clubs where they all got together and merchant together. The guilds of merchants. The merchants, you know. Yeah, where that's what c that's how coffee houses and stuff started. Because all the merchants would come together and talk about their deals and things in in like Cafe Nero or something.

SPEAKER_03 8:25

What merchant would you have been back in the day?

SPEAKER_04 8:27

I'd have been something that caused great pain, like sugar or coffee or sugar. Sugar. Yeah. Sugar. Something that caused a lot of distress to people.

SPEAKER_03 8:36

What about if you're a merchant of torture devices? Would that work? You go around like our It's a specialist trade. Sorry. Should we deep dive?

SPEAKER_04 8:46

I think we should, yes.

SPEAKER_03 8:47

Yeah, yeah, because we've been rabbiting on and we always forget to get into our specialist subject of the week. Which is a a country with a good history of torture.

SPEAKER_04 8:55

Spain! Right.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

Deep dive, deep, dive, deep, dive, deep, dive, deep, deep.

SPEAKER_04 9:04

Dive. And we've dived.

SPEAKER_03 9:07

Firstly, when it comes to Spain, can we talk about just how ridiculous the general sound of Spain is?

SPEAKER_04 9:17

It's not actually a real language. It's it what people are doing is they're making it up as they go along, and you have to read body language like lions or dogs or something. I agree. I agree.

SPEAKER_03 9:27

I think I think the sound of it with where the tongue is, if you if anyone who speaks Spanish or is Spanish, I'm just fascinating. Ha ha ha ha ha ha muy bien.

SPEAKER_04 9:39

I won't do it. When I go to Spain, I won't I won't be doing I won't be doing that.

SPEAKER_03 9:43

Have you been to Spain?

SPEAKER_04 9:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 9:45

Where?

SPEAKER_04 9:46

I I I like to go to the conquered bits. So your Benedome, your Malaja, those kind of Gibraltar. Yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 9:54

Well we've yeah we've still that's To our listeners who may not be familiar with Gibraltar, should we tell them what it is? Yeah, it's like a shopping centre. Yeah, it's a rocky outcrop on the on the on the southern tip of Spain.

SPEAKER_04 10:06

That is a British Yeah, it's it's as English soil as Canterbury or Wrexham.

SPEAKER_03 10:13

And it is it is like a fortress there because it's like almost like a mountain ridge on its own. So whenever the Spanish back in the day tried to conquer it, they completely failed because the aerial advantage is so huge. You just lob a bottle of Lambrini off the top and you you hit a conquistador on the head.

SPEAKER_04 10:32

If they had any bowls, they'd just nuke it. But they don't, do they? So you know. Does Spain have nuclear weapons? I don't think so. It's very hard to put a nuclear weapon together when you've got a finished tapaz. Yeah, I agree, I I agree. But that's your afternoon.

SPEAKER_03 10:47

That's a huge part of Spanish culture. I mean the idea of tapaz versus a meal.

SPEAKER_04 10:53

Well that yeah, I'll tell you this. So when I go to Spain, everybody, right? I do go to the conquered bits. I do. I I like to be around my own people. I I like I, you know, I will bonjour a local if I have to, but if I you know, if I I'll quite often just say hello in the kings. But I do like to travel inland or to a more remote kind of bit where I'll have to, you know, parlay, as they would say, parlay with a uh a kind of uh a a Spaniard uh and or someone who's moved to Spain but doesn't speak English, yeah. And I will get local food. And that's that's where tap ass comes in.

SPEAKER_03 11:29

Sorry, that was meant to What does tapas mean? Tap ass. Tap ass. So it's how you basically used to flirt. Tapass, it's it's like first date food, I think, isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 11:39

Well also it's a very good thing if if for a homosexual pair, because a bottom can eat less than their top rival, you say.

SPEAKER_03 11:48

Is that how you'd signal that you were gay in Spain? You eat less than your person you're with.

SPEAKER_04 11:55

I think you'd only take two of the patatas bravas and let them have more.

SPEAKER_03 12:00

Patatas bravas. And what does that patatas bravas mean? Like well potato well done, like Bravo potato. Smug potato. Smug potatoes. Yeah, smuggy spunky potato. I mean, they are bloody delicious patatas bravas and padron peppers. Mmm. Oh.

SPEAKER_04 12:15

Yeah. You must feel quite good because you you're not a fan of meat, you know.

SPEAKER_03 12:20

Well, I like a bit of meat. Well, human meat. Yeah. I see what you mean. Yeah, no, I mean, if if depending on your dietary requirements, Spain is probably one of the worst countries you can visit. But there are quite fascinating things about it that I like. I like no, I like the richness of it.

SPEAKER_04 12:39

Sorry, I just love the the the boosting up of tapaz followed by depending on what you eat, Spain is a horrible place to visit.

SPEAKER_03 12:46

It well, maybe. But I like I like it. It's a rich country, isn't it? I tell you what, I we talked about it, I think, before going on the Pampalona bull run. I do think that would be fun. And they have that big tomato fight in Spain as well. I would love to go on a Pampalona bull run. I would love to have a tomato fight with you. I'd win. I have a throw uh cricket player.

SPEAKER_04 13:15

Well, talking of sport, aren't you uh last week? Last week it would have been, uh, you're doing the the race. Or is it next week? Uh the waiters' race.

SPEAKER_03 13:27

No, no, I did it, darling. I did the the waiters' race was on Sunday. I did it and I won. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you beat a Spaniard in it? Uh afterwards, yes. Yeah, I whipped him. I just whipped him because there are so many Spanish waiters in Soho. Yes. I had a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_04 13:43

I like to hear a Spanish voice in London because it makes me feel that Brexit hasn't hit them yet. And it's quite pleasant. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:50

Generally, how do you feel about Spanish people? Is that a mental question?

SPEAKER_04 14:02

It's just a funny question to ask. I tell you what, I'll I'll level with you. I must admit, I feel like the Spain of old, with its, you know, conquistadors, its Cortes, it's uh it's you know, you you're different kind of people like that. I feel like it was a sexier Spain than today's Spain. You know, that I I don't fear the Spaniard. But back in the day you did. Oh, I would have done.

SPEAKER_03 14:29

During the Spanish Golden Age.

SPEAKER_04 14:31

Uh yes, the Spanish Golden Age, I would have feared a Spaniard. And that might have given me a bit of a tickle in the knickers as well. Whereas now, I I can't when the average Spaniard I meet, I I I I like to play a gay. I like to play a game, gay or Spanish. And I I you know, sometimes both. In in Spain, you play gay or Spanish. It's very hard to decide. It really is.

SPEAKER_03 14:55

I agree with you. I think Spain, since let's say the mid-1500s, has gone from being the most powerful feared nation in the world with murderous, sort of gleaming-eyed conquistadors to basically sort of like gay. Really? That's that's that's the tale of Spain.

SPEAKER_04 15:19

Gay sums it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean what kind of man has to eat in small portions? I know.

SPEAKER_03 15:24

Just have a main meal.

SPEAKER_04 15:25

Yeah, just have a main meal. Yeah. Do you think culturally is the reason that they eat like, you know, like like gays? Is it is it because because gays love tapaz? Is it well they do literally tap ass? Um, is is it something to do with trying to appear less masculine by having a huge amount of food? Because in England, of course, people eat large amounts of food. That's why we lost the final, because Harry Kane had a huge curry before heading out to Spanish.

SPEAKER_03 15:54

Well, the sp the Spanish, they would have had tapaz at half time. That's one of the reasons why. Energy up. Yeah, energy up. But also largely the explanation for Spain's decline was tapaz as well. Because instead of thinking about how to manage their empire, they started thinking about we need to cook five things for lunch instead of one.

SPEAKER_04 16:17

And that level of thought And washing up. And the washing up. Don't forget the washing up. Those people could be, you know, inventing the Spitfire or something instead.

SPEAKER_03 16:27

Yeah, I mean, it's so much admin tapas. I mean, just like, why can't you just have a massive bowl of chorizo or patatas bravas? In one big bowl. Yeah, no, no. I just want a big bowl of potatoes. I don't want all the other bits. Fuck off. Let me have a big bowl of potatoes, I'll have a glass of Chianti, that's Italian, or whatever. Yes. And and that'll be my evening. But I don't need little Pedro coming up to me every five minutes. Yeah. And asking, Oh, are you done? And oh, here's some little paper to wipe off the grease from your fingers.

SPEAKER_04 17:01

Well, you know why he wants you to be done, doesn't he? So he can get off work early and suck somebody off.

SPEAKER_03 17:05

He wants me to hop off my stool. And onto him. Exactly. Or up him. Or up him. Or in him. Yeah. Yeah, many things.

SPEAKER_04 17:14

Yeah. Although I've got to say, I do feel like Spain, it tried to reinvent itself uh uh after the Civil War with General Food. We should probably talk about that. We j it's a very uh in in England nobody knows about the Spanish Civil War, really. It's it's it's a kind of precursor to Hitler and Mussolini, but nobody really deep dives into the Spanish Civil War. Um and we're not going to today, but we are gonna mention it a bit more. Because General Franco, right? I'm not sure about you, but I'd had him. You've done him? I'd had him once. Where?

SPEAKER_03 17:50

Tell us about it.

SPEAKER_04 17:50

In his palace in Madrid. Yeah. Oh really? Gorgeous. And he paints as well.

SPEAKER_03 17:56

Did you say he could paint? I didn't know. Well, most people can paint. Yeah, yeah. Depending how well you know.

SPEAKER_04 18:00

No, he was really good. There's a great one he did of me, lounged over a kind of dead whale's uh fetus.

SPEAKER_03 18:08

Oh wow. On the coast. Yeah. That is quite important. Near Barcelona. Yeah. I'm not sure Franco does it for me, if I'm honest.

SPEAKER_04 18:15

No, but he doesn't do it for most people. No. I only did it because it was, you know, it was the sixties, and why not?

SPEAKER_03 18:21

I much prefer people like DALI, there's a Spanish nutter. Salvador DALE.

SPEAKER_04 18:26

Well, like that fellow who designed Barcelona. You'll know who he is. Oh, the one who did the cathedral. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:34

Gaudi.

SPEAKER_04 18:34

Gaudi, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gaudi DALE. Was DALLE from the Barcelona region?

SPEAKER_03 18:40

Was was Dali Cantonese? Oh no, sorry, what's it called? Is it, you know, because they're all Cantonese speaking down there, aren't they? In in Barcelona, aren't they? Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 18:54

Catalonia is No, it's the same thing.

SPEAKER_03 18:56

Catalonian and Cantonese. They're very similar. They're similar languages.

SPEAKER_04 18:59

The Cantonese duck, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:01

I'm always known. Cantonese duck is duck with paprika on it. Yeah. And a lot of oil. The Barcelonians do have a bit of pluck to them versus like your classic.

SPEAKER_04 19:14

And another thing is like they would be annoyed with this because they think they're a separate country, like the Welsh or the Scottish.

SPEAKER_03 19:21

Yeah, but they're always angling for it, aren't they? It's not gonna happen. I don't think they'll get it. No.

SPEAKER_04 19:26

It's not big enough. No. And Spain Spain runs its kind of its you know, police and military under the same rules that Franco left them in, which means that they are hard as fuck. The only people in Spain probably not gay are its police force. Really? Although they will abuse you with a truncheon.

SPEAKER_03 19:45

Well then they're gay. Do you see what I mean? The whole the whole of Spain is in fact gay. It shouldn't be called Spain, it should be called gay. That that's what we should rename the country. They're all gay. Even the mo who's the most macho Spanish man you can think of right now? Antonio Banderas. Gay who was Mexican. And he's probably mech you mean Mascodes Oro. Yeah, I do, yeah. Definitely gay. But he's Mexican.

SPEAKER_04 20:14

What about um I don't get I don't get the same gay vibe from the Spanish colonies, from New Mexico, your Uruguay, your Colombia. Yeah, because they were left behind by the conquistadors. Yeah. So they've still got that grit, you see. That's why, you know, absolutely. No, it's true. It's true.

SPEAKER_03 20:31

Do you know do you know what I think?

SPEAKER_04 20:32

I can't think of a famous Spanish person. I can. Nadal. Nadal, Rafael Nadal. Gay. Definitely gay. Definitely have you seen how he holds a racket?

SPEAKER_03 20:41

With his mouth and arse? I mean he he does have pro but Rafael Nadal in his prime with those biceps was something godly.

SPEAKER_04 20:52

Absolutely godly. You used to sit on the front row of Wimbledon, I remember it, near Kate and Will. And you just used to finger yourself, didn't you?

SPEAKER_03 21:00

Well, I was an umpire. That's how I was just I had a fake arm so I could finger myself watching the tennis final. And in I think it was 2007. If you watch closely, you can see me climaxing, and I literally squirt onto centre court during a tie break. And no one notices because the tennis was so tense. It was amazing. That's right. I miss the fact I miss the ball girls at Wimbledon, the ball boys and ball girls. Are they not still there? No, because it's all done by the electronic computers now. Oh. Yeah. Oh, that's so sad. Yeah, so we don't have the people bending over.

SPEAKER_04 21:35

I used to love nothing better than seeing a teenage boy receive a serve 80 miles an hour to the face.

SPEAKER_03 21:41

Toughen you up.

SPEAKER_04 21:42

Oh, yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 21:44

That's what how Wimbledon, the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Association started, was effectively a boot camp to toughen up young boys for the British Empire. So you would go and you would have a tennis. Ball served into your face and a croquet ball uh pulverising into your crotch.

SPEAKER_04 22:08

How has croquet popped up?

SPEAKER_03 22:10

Well that's what it's actually technically called the Wimbledon All Lawn and Croquet Association Club. No, it is it really lawn tennis. Yes, it's still technically it started. Now don't get me angry. This is queerer.

SPEAKER_04 22:25

This basically, everybody, this this is the poshness coming out right here. It's not poshness, darling.

SPEAKER_03 22:31

It's the fact that I am from London and I have been and I play a lot of sports. It started as a croquet club, and then because when you have basically, do you want to know if you have two croquet courts and you join them together, you get a tennis court size. So when they had the croquet club first, they then thought, well, why didn't we add on some tennis courts? So it became the All England uh croquet and lawn tennis association, and then tennis started to get more popular and they swapped them around, and then colloquially the croquet's been dropped off. But it I kid you not, if you Google it now, you'll see the word croquet. Thank you very much. And what has Spain got? Part of me died there. That was really yeah. Oh I know. Well, I just Why die? Why not? Uh like nourished.

SPEAKER_04 23:24

I I just think that information there's somebody listening to this now who found that really interesting. But for you, not not for you. But for me, I'd I'd rather see my nan get hit by a Volvo estate.

SPEAKER_03 23:37

What thing what good things have been made in Spain? That's a great question.

SPEAKER_04 23:42

Spanish flu. Spanish flu, yeah. Did a fab obviously genetically wiped out all the weak people for their football team. Yeah, you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:50

Um the Spanish Inquisition. Very successful. Very successful did a great job. Kink parties. Yeah. Gold smeltering, they got gold. Got quite a lot of gold. Got galleons. Galleons. A Spanish real? Did I did did did you know about those? Yeah, I think I did. Feel free to tell me more. Well, if you find a Spanish real on a beach or with a m with a metal detector, you're looking at around $75,000 for a single golden coin. Wow. It's pretty exciting. So they find them in the sh on the shores of America.

SPEAKER_04 24:23

I'll tell you for why, it's because they had a massive uh shipwreck in the late 1600s up near the Florida coast.

SPEAKER_03 24:31

One of my favourite shipwrecks.

SPEAKER_04 24:32

Is it really?

SPEAKER_03 24:33

It is actually. I love it. I was on that ship. That's why it went down, darling. Why? We had a party. What were you partying for? Well, the World Cup. Spain winning the World Cup. The World Cup 1660s? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. There were many different World Cups through the ages. This is the this is this is the Tapas World Cup.

SPEAKER_04 24:52

I think this World Cup has uh has been so corrupt, I think they just need to start again.

SPEAKER_03 24:58

But it but we need more corruption. I feel we need more corruption.

SPEAKER_04 25:03

Yeah. I mean I can't I can't argue against it because we haven't seen what would happen if there was more. How else are you supposed to get what you want? Ask someone nicely. No. No, that's not what the president has shown.

SPEAKER_03 25:15

Yeah, you need to you need to pay or threaten. Pay, threaten, or take. Pay, threaten, or take. Or blackmail. Or bribe.

SPEAKER_04 25:23

Yeah. Well, I suppose they do come into the threaten category.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

Hmm.

SPEAKER_05 25:28

Hmm.

SPEAKER_04 25:29

Violence.

SPEAKER_03 25:30

Just straight violence. I think the Spanish, they do have that they do have they're known for their heat, aren't they? Their hotness.

SPEAKER_04 25:40

They get pissed off quickly, the Spanish.

SPEAKER_03 25:42

And they calm down quickly.

SPEAKER_04 25:44

They do calm down quickly. They do, yes, they do calm down quickly. Must be something to do with the tapas. I think so. I think so. Yes. Hmm. Now, I tell you what, we've we've had a fabulous conversation about this place. Shall we have a qu a question?

SPEAKER_03 26:04

Let's have a queer question.

SPEAKER_04 26:07

Queerus question? You can have a quick queer question if you want. Let's do a queer question. Okay, let's do it. Question. Question. Question. Question. Question. Question. Question. Question.

SPEAKER_03 26:24

Oh, Questiones Espanol. Querus. Questions. Que te llamo Senor. Spanish version. Which reminds me, as my Spanish morphed into Japanese, we must pay homage to our Japanese listeners, in particular. Yes. His Imperial Majesty, the Emperor of Japan. Konichiwa Harehato Hazimashak.

SPEAKER_04 26:53

Kinichiwa, your Royal Highness, we hope you're enjoying the show so far. We know you're a big Spanophile. Or a Spanophile. Well, what's what you know you've got Francophiles and It is Spanophile.

SPEAKER_03 27:07

That's it. Yeah, and actually that's where you've reminded me two great exports from the Iberian Peninsula are Spanners and Spam. Both Spanish. Hmm. Well you learn something new every day, don't you? They were called Span yeah, basically. Do you think the Japanese what do you think the Japanese and Spanish have in common?

SPEAKER_04 27:30

Not much. I can't think of one thing. The Spanish do like seafood though.

SPEAKER_03 27:34

Hang on. Is tapas not like sushi in terms of portion sizes?

SPEAKER_04 27:42

They do like their little portion sizes in Japan. You would never get a massive like roast dinner size thing in a restaurant.

SPEAKER_03 27:48

You can't get roast chicken in Japan. No. Impossible. Impossible.

SPEAKER_04 27:52

And you can't get roast beef in Spain. And you can't get Aunt Bessie's Yorkshire potatoes. I've tried.

SPEAKER_03 28:00

Yorkshire potatoes or Yorkshire puddings.

SPEAKER_04 28:03

Yorkshire potatoes. Yeah, you can't get Yorkshire potatoes potatoes.

SPEAKER_03 28:06

I didn't know potatoes from Yorkshire. How would you feel about that? The great potatoes, all from South America. Well, of course, it's in potato immigration.

SPEAKER_04 28:14

Well you've got to chuck it out that without the Spanish we wouldn't have fish and chips.

SPEAKER_03 28:19

How? Because we'd just have the fish.

SPEAKER_04 28:22

What about the chips? Well they would come from South America, don't they? The potatoes.

SPEAKER_03 28:25

Do chips come from what do you mean potatoes? Well they chips come from potatoes. What do you mean? Don't be ridiculous. Yeah, they do. They don't grow on the channel. Chips come from potatoes. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 28:34

You cut up a potato, you've got chips. Do you not know that?

SPEAKER_03 28:38

Don't tell me what I do and don't know. Ask one of your cups hang on, hang on. Ask one of your cooks. You're suggesting chips chips which are like fingers come from potatoes which are round and fat. Yes. Queer, you've lost your mind, darling. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 28:54

What's the question? Right. The question is Hello Queerer. That's me. Do you know what I don't like listeners? Um everyone says hello to me and everyone dears you.

SPEAKER_03 29:06

Yeah. It's just general respect, darling.

SPEAKER_04 29:08

It's a th it's a thing, isn't it? It's a thing. It's just an intrinsic hierarchy. Yeah, that's sad. Hello, Queerer. It's been three weeks since my son brought his new girlfriend home, and I'll be honest, I think he can do better. She's rather plain and awfully dull. Do I tell him or do I let things be? And that is from Claire in Canterbury. What do you think, Coca?

SPEAKER_03 29:33

I think she should tell her, but in incremental steps, uh in sort of strange messages, like leaving a little note in her pocket or saying what? Fuck off. No, like um your face looks like a pancake. Or literally sending her a pancake in the post and then and then just like in lipstick on the pancake, your face looks like this. That's what I think she should do. Because if you suddenly say to your son's new GF, hey babe, welcome, listen. Just that you know, I don't like your face, but you're very welcome to stay here. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:17

It's a little bit rude, isn't it? It is on first meeting them, I'd say within the first week, to just openly say to them as a couple, I want you to stop being together because I think she's plain and dull. Right. But I haven't received a picture of the boy. Mothers always think that their their sons are beautiful, and then you meet them and they they look like something from the hills have eyes, you know, they're kind of like sp spangled up and look like they've been through a car crasher. So I I wonder whether or not she's got a four out of ten for a boy, and maybe he's brought home a four or five out of ten as a girl, and she's just disappointed that he couldn't do better. I'm spinning it on her. Maybe she's a judgmental cow.

SPEAKER_03 31:04

Well, she might be a judgmental cow, and maybe she's getting triggered by the dullness which she doesn't like in herself. Because let's be honest, if she has time to write into Tart Talk, and I'm so glad she did, um, she can't be the busiest bitch on the planet, can she? No.

SPEAKER_04 31:21

And here's another thing about Claire in Canterbury. Um Is Claire disappointed? Why, like my okay, let me s let me rephrase. Why would Claire be disappointed about the quality of girl that the boys brought back unless she wanted to get a lesbian rocks off? That's possible. It is possible.

SPEAKER_03 31:41

Hang on, does Claire have a husband? Or do we not know? We don't know that. I think Claire is a single mum who's actually secretly worried about the girlfriend taking her son off away from her forever. Yeah. We've got a classic, a classic case here.

SPEAKER_04 31:58

A classic a classic case of no more mum syndrome.

SPEAKER_03 32:01

Yeah, a classic case of no more mum syndrome. So the girl probably isn't as plain as she's being made out to be. Could be Beyonce for all we know. I mean, it could be Beyonce. It's unlikely. Yeah. Because I think Beyonce's probably got quite a lot of sizzle and sass when she walks through the door. Yeah, well Imagine that if you brought in Beyoncé and then your mum said, babe, what do you think, mum? She's like, it's a bit plain. And it's Beyonce. I mean, my god. Well, who would the who would the mum need to walk through that door to feel excited? Yeah. Who's more exciting than Beyonce? Uh arguably maybe Shakira.

SPEAKER_04 32:37

Shakira. But Colombian. Imagine bringing Shakira and she's coming and going, uh. And the mum's just like, I'm sorry, but this girl, she's fucking plain. This is a plain woman.

SPEAKER_03 32:49

I mean, I I think I think if I was Shakira, I'd fucking slap her.

SPEAKER_04 32:54

I'd slap her across the face. Slap Claire. Yeah, yeah, slap Claire. Would you dance towards the slap or do you think that's a sort of sort of?

SPEAKER_03 33:00

Yeah, to um to She Wolf.

SPEAKER_04 33:03

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:09

Slap.

SPEAKER_04 33:10

Yahda yo ya There was a beautiful part of that where it it sounded more like a kind of n Native American shaman trying to reach a new level.

SPEAKER_03 33:30

That's basically what I was channelling. I thought so. I thought so. So listen, the the woman, what's her name? Yeah. So Claire. Claire needs to do a bit of soul searching. I suggest she goes to Canterbury Cathedral. It's not far. Gets on her knees in a pew, maybe even to the shrine of Thomas Beckett.

SPEAKER_04 33:51

I I would just I was about to say, where Thomas Beckett was slain. And as a good spot.

SPEAKER_03 33:56

Maybe taking inspiration from who was it, our friend Henry II? Yes. Whip yourself with birch twigs uh naked, walking down the high street of Canterbury.

SPEAKER_04 34:08

Apologising to all the plain women for your judgmental ways.

SPEAKER_03 34:11

Exactly. Yeah. Make sure you do it naked, darling. You're not allowed to go for bikini wax. Naked is the day you are born, um, and then see what happens. Yeah. I think that's fair. Yeah. Yeah. I think in doing that, she will find the life that she has been craving and allow her son to go out into the world or Canterbury. Yeah. Well, yeah. Because people in Canterbury don't really leave Canterbury. It's Kent. Yeah, but why would you? It's England's garden. It's true.

SPEAKER_04 34:45

Would you ever walk from London to Canterbury? I walked from London to Brighton once, so yes, I why'd you do that? Uh I was bored. I had a few days off.

SPEAKER_03 34:53

Well, you were bored, so you decided I'll walk to Brighton. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 34:56

No one does that. And it was for a charity fundraiser. They wrote an article about it. I'll show you in a bit. Why would you walk somewhere for charity? I don't know, but it was a huge walk. Imagine leaving here now in London and walking all the way to the south coast of England.

SPEAKER_03 35:11

I can't imagine it. I wouldn't do it.

SPEAKER_04 35:13

I would take a carriage. I did it so drunk. Really? Oh yeah, it's back in my drinking shop. How long did it take? Two days. Two days. That's quite quick, isn't it? Yes, it's amazing. But um I really my I I experienced such physical fatigue, you you can't imagine.

SPEAKER_03 35:30

Two days to walk from London to Brighton. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:32

That's not bad at all. Yeah, it's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 35:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:35

And my nan made me wear a high viz. Yeah. I wouldn't wear a high vis. Some of the roads were crazy. I bet they were. Because not everything is a walking path. So you had to walk in like a roads with no path, hours. Imagine walking down roads with no paths with moving traffic for six hours.

SPEAKER_03 35:53

Terrifying. Like on the side of a road?

SPEAKER_04 35:55

Yeah. Yeah. Legally you have the right, but it was terrifying. Like absolutely terrifying.

SPEAKER_03 36:01

Yeah. I still don't think you should have done it in a high viz. No. Only a high viz at that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:08

No, no, you're allowed to sit in a high viz if you're naked. What I should have done is deployed my flaps and just slivered down like a snail.

SPEAKER_03 36:16

That would have been a good idea, exactly. Got turned on and snailed your way, slimed your way down to the south coast. It does make you wonder, like, all the people who go on very, very long pilgrimages, like where that motivation comes from. Well they're all in heaven now, aren't they? So it's it's gone well for them. Yeah, it's true, but people still do it. Like all these pilgrimages. Maybe we do an episode on pilgrims. I've been on a pilgrimage when I went to Rome. I went to the Vatican. I'm always on a pilgrimage. Yeah. I mean, where's the nearest where's the nearest cocktail bar? That's a pilgrimage. Yeah, but that could turn into a a week-long quest. Now, if we are going to have merch, the first piece of merch we're going to have is our official Tart Talk catchphrase, which is get a grip. Yeah. Because for our listeners out there who are struggling in the northern hemisphere of the heat, in the southern hemisphere with well being in the southern hemisphere. Where nothing goes on. Where nothing goes on, apart from what? Nothing.

SPEAKER_04 37:20

Nothing. The world is the northern hemisphere, and the south is just, you know, waiting for Wi-Fi. It's another planet. Yeah, it is. Basically.

SPEAKER_03 37:27

The Southern Hemisphere me is South Africa and Australia, and maybe some South America and Antarctica. Yeah. And maybe Africa. And maybe some Indonesia and Fiji. That's about it. And Thailand. And Thailand. No, Thailand's Northern Hemisphere. Is it? Mmm. Well, it depends where you draw your lines, your longitude, or is it latitude? I think it's latitude. Listen, the merch has been ordered for Coco and Tart Talk. We are going to have Get a Grip merch coming up. Listeners, tell us what you think. DM us at Tart Talk Pod. We would like to know where you would like to see this merch first. Is it a t-shirt or a cap or a sex toy? Let us know.

SPEAKER_04 38:12

I think uh a t-shirt with get a grip on it would be great. Because there'll be people on the tube or other kind of you know uh poverty kind of lines, and they'll be they'll be you know worrying about something they shouldn't worry about, and they'll see the tact talk get a grip, and they'll think, do you know what? I'm just being a massive pussy about everything, and they'll sort themselves out.

SPEAKER_03 38:35

So for anyone struggling around the world, there is no better phrase to lift you out of the slump you are in than get a grip. No. We are not preaching any remedies like those wanky Buddhists or those little Christians or anyone else, yeah, or therapy, or just get a grip, get out there, and enjoy your life.

SPEAKER_04 39:05

And we know we've got a big Japanese contingency. So before we go and do a confession to wrap up the show, Coco, how do you say get a grip and get a life in Japan? Well, it's very easy.

SPEAKER_03 39:16

The phrase get a grip comes originally from medieval Japanese. Ah. Which is as follows. Yeah. Gita gripo. That is the origins of the phrase get a grip. And so when Greta Garbo took off, a lot there was No, she gets her name from Japan because she went there. Can you how did you again Gid Git Gita Gripo?

SPEAKER_04 39:42

Gita Gripo. Gita gripo. Yeah, see, I was doing a different dialect there, wasn't I?

SPEAKER_03 39:47

You were doing I would say you're more doing sort of Honshu dialect. Yeah, meow, meam. Gita gripo. So get a gripo. So get a grip. If you can say get a grip, you're basically halfway to being fluent in Japanese. So congratulations.

SPEAKER_04 40:03

Right.

SPEAKER_03 40:04

Shall we have a confession? Let's have a confession.

SPEAKER_04 40:07

Right, let's do it. It's now time for my favourite jingle, Coco's confessions.

SPEAKER_03 40:14

Confess!

SPEAKER_04 40:16

Confess.

SPEAKER_03 40:17

Tell us your sins. Oh confessing. And you are absolutions.

SPEAKER_02 40:25

Oh confessions.

SPEAKER_01 40:33

Confessions.

SPEAKER_03 40:34

So I like your sandals, by the way. Thank you very much. Lovely. Yeah, they're very nice. They're actually custom made in Athens. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:42

Wow. Yeah, exactly. I'm amazed you got a Greek person to pay attention for so long.

SPEAKER_03 40:47

Well, he was on his knees already.

SPEAKER_04 40:51

You'd have thought you'd have let him sit on a chair to make it. No, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 40:54

Keep him on his knees. Did he Athens is basically a slave city anyway? It is. Everyone bangs on about democratic ancient Greece. It wasn't. It was full of slaves.

SPEAKER_04 41:05

It was full of slaves. It was great. It was yeah, a hornfest as well. You didn't ask for consent, did you?

SPEAKER_03 41:10

You didn't have to. And I still think you shouldn't. I I really that's why everyone gets a bit antsy when you bring up slavery, because people people get a bit touchy about the transatlantic slave trade. I get you, but it's not the only type of slavery that existed. I'm all favour of white on white slavery. I think we should bring it back. Absolutely. I'd have to keep a Welsh person in the house. And this isn't a class thing. It's not a class thing. Oh. I've there are many people on my level in the aristocratic royal world, quasi-royal, who I would happily have as my slave. One, Andrew, without doubt. A kink slave. I don't know if I want to ever touch him or look at him. You know what he's done. I just I would have him as a slave. I would have Andrew as a slave. And he would do things.

SPEAKER_04 41:59

No, I'd have him be. I'd have him be my jam boy. Do you know about jam boys? Tell me. So in uh British imperial places like Burma and India and things like that, they would quite often uh get like a local youth uh and cover them in jam and at events make them go and stand somewhere, and all the insects would be driven to the jam boy, and at the end of the day the boy got to keep all the jam. Jam boy.

SPEAKER_03 42:27

Well, lucky boy.

SPEAKER_04 42:29

Andrew, the jam boy.

SPEAKER_03 42:31

Andrew, so here's the question What condiment would you spread on Andrew?

SPEAKER_04 42:36

Oh, I I'd have to be uh kind of uh raspberry jam. I'm not eating it afterwards, he gets to keep it. It's just gotta be very drawing.

SPEAKER_03 42:44

I mean, raspberry jam is so intense. I it is I think all the insects would flock.

SPEAKER_04 42:50

But he's not near you, you've got to remember, we're having a barbecue over here. Yeah, yeah. Um jam boy Andrew's over there.

SPEAKER_03 42:55

So would any would would there be anything worse than what about lemon curd all over Andrew, like sort of duck fat? So then you'd have to be the curd boy. The curd boy. Curd boy Andrew. No, no, we'd we'd have a separate curd boy. Oh. We'd have a jam boy and a curd boy.

SPEAKER_04 43:10

It's nice to know we're giving the Kurds an opportunity.

SPEAKER_03 43:12

Yeah, exactly, because they don't get enough representation these days. But they haven't got their own state to make sound. And as they should for inventing lemon curd. Maybe that could be our campaign. The Kurds.

SPEAKER_04 43:22

The bringing about of a Kurdish state.

SPEAKER_03 43:25

I I quite agree. Coco and Queer are championing Kurdistan. And maybe this could be our first actual edible merch. Curd. Coco and Queer's curd. Tartok curd. And it's in the shape of a middle aged Kurdish man. Exactly, with Andrew's face on as well. Yeah. So Andrew's jam boys. So we've got jam with Andrew's face on. So tart talk raspberry jam. I love it. We can no problem do that. I can make jam and a jiffy. And then curd. Who should our curd boy be? I would just like to. What about Nadal? I think Russell Brand would be a good one. You want Russell Brand as our curd boy?

SPEAKER_04 44:04

Yeah, if we've if we've got a a bona fide pervert as the jam boy, we might as well have a bona fide Brand.

SPEAKER_03 44:10

I want him with duct tape over his face. I don't want him talking. I don't want that man, I don't want to listen to that man say another word. No, I don't want him to evaluate Big Brother whilst we're trying to have a bath. I want him double wrapped in duct tape around his face. And curd, curd boy. And we'll dip him in curd. Yeah. That you know how they used to dunk people in the rivers on those chairs? Yeah, dunk him. Many were. Derily dunking is where it comes from. Thank you. What we'd do is we'd dunk brand in curd. Yeah. I'm up for it. So there we are. Right. Shall we have a confession? Let's have a confession. Now, this week's confession is quite interesting actually because I gave a few listeners a heads up. We're going to be talking about Spain. And this confession comes actually from Juan Pablo in Madrid. And Juan Pablo. Bonjour Juan. Uh hola Juan. Um and Juan Pablo works at the Prado Museum. Ooh. And he is saying, um I'll read it out. Let me just get my scroll out. Um I don't know if Juan Pablo's Spanish or not, so I won't do the extra.

SPEAKER_04 45:24

Well that's why I went for Bonjour. It could be anything.

SPEAKER_03 45:26

Yeah, yeah, he could be I mean he could be British. He could be using the Schlieffen plan. Yeah, he could be misdirecting us. So um dear Tarts, I am a volunteer at the Prado Museum in Madrid. I often go through the gallery and stop to look at portraits of King Philip the Fourth of Spain, who, as I'm sure you are aware, is a very pale ginger king. Is it sorry, I just got quite excited thinking about that. One afternoon, when it was particularly hot and empty, I did sneak off to the staff toilets to bash out a wank, thinking of the king shitting on my chest. However, little did I know I left the door open. He speaks good English. He speaks very good English. Little did I know I left the door open and a colleague, a Regis professor in Spanish art, walked in to see me expelling my fluid all over an armature Shanks toilet. When he asked me, can he join in? And we started noshing each other off whilst talking about Diego Velazquez. Is this something I should feel guilty about? Or is it okay? I mean, that's quite a confession. So basically, someone had a wank in a museum and got busted and then they joined in and got off with each other.

SPEAKER_04 47:15

I suck somebody off at Birmingham Museum once. Really? Yeah, about twelve years ago.

SPEAKER_03 47:19

When was that? About twelve years ago.

SPEAKER_04 47:21

I'm literally in discussions with them at the moment about doing tours. No, yeah, I I I gobbled somebody off in there. Yeah. So take us through that. No, no, no. It's not my confession, is it? It's my confession.

SPEAKER_03 47:32

You can't bring up an encounter. No, you can't. You've got to no, you've got to tell us what happens.

SPEAKER_04 47:37

I ironically, I was in a uh a dating situation with a ginger person and which I don't mind being a natural ginger myself. And um we were going round the uh museum and we were uh getting aroused by the people in said paintings, very much like Juan, and I took him into a uh toilet and I gobbled him. And I don't regret it at all. Although he did give me gonorrhea, which is so was that the first time you met him? Uh it would have been about the fourth, I imagine. I worked fast. There's a war-on.

SPEAKER_03 48:10

And you just got excited and went, come with me.

SPEAKER_04 48:12

Yes, I said. And he went into a public or disabled? I I do believe it was public, but my mouth felt rather disabled after. I bet it did. Big old drink. Hang on, you got gonorrhea from a gobble. No, no, no. It was it was it was a different thing that I got the gonorrhea from. You can get gonorrhea from a gobble for sure. Really? Yes, you can get gonorrhea from sitting on a toilet stuff. Where does the word gonorrhea come from? It sounds ancient Greek. It does sound ancient Greek. I'm just gonna redirect us back to Juan's issue if you don't know. Yeah, so what do you think? Well, do you know what? The only reason I mentioned what I just mentioned is because I understand, you know, and a hot ginger spaniard is worth two in the bush. It is quite an unusual thing, a ginger spaniard. They're rare, they're a rarity, they're like a shiny Pokemon card.

SPEAKER_03 48:55

They are like a shiny Pokemon card.

SPEAKER_04 48:57

I mean, yeah, I I d I what I find weird is that the professor obviously used his powers of, you know, he knew he could get Juan fired. So I think he took sexual advantages of Juan there.

SPEAKER_03 49:09

If anything, Juan could get promoted. He was only a volunteer.

SPEAKER_04 49:13

But nobody was shitting on Juan. He was just imagining that.

SPEAKER_03 49:16

Yeah, I mean that was quite intense. I don't know why he had to add that in. Well, I may have slightly embellished his letter. And to be fair, brushed up the English because it was awful when I received it.

SPEAKER_04 49:24

Yeah, it was actually that whole letter was uh just a splat of jizz. Yeah, exactly. On a notepad.

SPEAKER_03 49:30

Yeah, with then a pool. So I th listen, I don't think you should be made to feel bad about feeling aroused in a gallery or a museum. I think it's fine, darling. You are forgiven. Thank you for your confession.

SPEAKER_04 49:46

Yeah, I would say that museums, I mean, you do sell out tours all the time, so you understand it.

SPEAKER_03 49:52

Yes, I do.

SPEAKER_04 49:53

I'm Query Lynn, a popular entertainer who has nothing relevant to say. A popular entertainer.

SPEAKER_03 49:59

You sound like one of those people from the 1970s on TV. I was. Oh, there we are then.

SPEAKER_02 50:08

Oh confession. Oh confession. There we are.

SPEAKER_01 50:15

Confessions.

SPEAKER_03 50:16

Well, Quira, I have had such an enjoyable time talking about the ins and outs of Spain. We have had quite a light touch here with Spain. We could have gone down many different rabbit holes. I feel we should maybe do a Spain part two sometime.

SPEAKER_04 50:30

Yes, I feel like we've mainly focused on gaze and food with Spain. But what else is there?

SPEAKER_03 50:37

Well, apart from Rafael and Dal, um bullfighting. Bullfighting, uh desert, and a World Cup winning nation. So congratulations once again to Spain for winning the World Cup. Yep, fair play, Spain. Um, and us and Harry Kane uh we'll see you down the road.

SPEAKER_04 50:56

Yeah, yeah. Well I mean it was a close match. No one's denying it was a close match, but we are happy for you. And you knock the French out, which is always beautiful. It's always beautiful. I'll say this I enjoy nothing better than a depressed French sports fan looking up miserably on my BBC television.

SPEAKER_03 51:17

I'll second that. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 51:19

Thank you very much. There's been a lot of agreement in the show. There has. There's been a lot of been a lot of accord. Yes. We've like Drake and Raleigh on our way to fight the uh fight the Armada. Exactly. An alliance.

SPEAKER_03 51:33

Well, I guess we'll see each other next week, Queerer. Thank you, everyone from around the world for listening. Uh if you enjoyed this, please spread the news. Send this to a friend or friend of me, Tart Talk Pod. A Spaniard or even better, a Japanese person you might know. That's right. Leave us a review. If you'd like to see us live, Queer is performing regularly in London. I'm a I'm a I'm a a top booked entertainer. Thank you very much. And if you're around this week, come along to my live shows in Kennington. My previews of my comedy show. I've lost something and I need the audience's help to find it. What day is that on? Wednesday, no. Thursday the 23rd, and Friday the 24th of July, 8 pm. We go. Right, let's wrap up. Okay. Yes. Thanks for joining Tart Talk. Thanks for joining Tart Talk. Well, thanks for joining. Can you shut the fuck up? Shut the fuck up, Cara.

SPEAKER_04 52:31

Well, everyone, thank you for joining Tart Talk. Watching a t a a woody doll keep resetting itself. Okay, you say it you do.

SPEAKER_03 52:41

Okay. Thanks for joining Tart Talk, everyone. It's goodbye from me. Coco, the time travelling Tart. I've been here as well. I'm Quirlin.

SPEAKER_04 52:49

Thank you very much. Yeah. Bye. It's professional at the end.

SPEAKER_03 52:55

There's nothing professional about we just don't care. Check it out, everybody comments. Have a great week. Get a grip. Bye.