Strength in Swag, Refuge in Faith

In this conversation, James Moffitt shares his personal journey through grief and loss, emphasizing the temporary nature of pain and the importance of finding hope. He discusses the emotional struggles that accompany loss and the choices individuals face in how to respond to their grief. Moffitt encourages listeners to seek the light at the end of the tunnel, suggesting that faith can play a crucial role in healing.

Takeaways

The pain of grief is temporary and will pass.

Sharing experiences of loss can become easier over time.

Negative emotions can lead to self-blame and anger.

Finding hope is essential in the healing process.

Faith can provide comfort during difficult times.

It's important to acknowledge the trials we face.

We have a choice in how we respond to grief.

Support from others can aid in coping with loss.

Healing is a personal journey that varies for everyone.

Emotional resilience can be developed through experience.

Sound bites

"You're suffering right now, yes."

"We can become angry at ourselves."

"Hopefully, it's God."

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Healing and Hope

00:48 Stephen's Journey: From Tragedy to Triumph

01:53 Empowering Men to Lead

Want to be a Guest?

https://podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/fathersrefuge

Losing a child to cancer is a grief no parent should walk through alone. The Father's Refuge Podcast is a safe place for fathers and parents to share, heal, and find hope in the midst of heartbreak. If you are a father and you would like to share your grief journey with others reach out to me at FathersRefuge@proton.me 

Transcript

James Moffitt (00:01.913)
Hello and welcome to Father's Refuge podcast, the place where families come to find healing, strength and hope through faith. My name is James Moffitt and I will be your host.

In this episode we sit down with Stephen of Swagability.com, a person who has walked through the valleys of struggle and found redemption on the other side.

James Moffitt (00:27.661)
His story is one of grace, forgiveness, and power of God to restore what seems beyond repair. Whether you're fighting for your marriage, your faith, or your family, this conversation will remind you that restoration is possible when God is at the center. Hello Stephen, how are you?

SwagAbility Inc (00:44.526)
doing well, James. Certainly appreciate the invitation.

James Moffitt (00:47.672)
yes sir, I'm glad that you're here. And I know that you will certainly share your story and it'll be very beneficial to the listening audience. Thank you for joining me. Can you start by sharing a bit about your story and what life looks like for you and your family today?

SwagAbility Inc (01:08.76)
Sure. Currently, we live in Eastern Canada and I am a C5 quadriplegic from a diving accident when I was 19 years old. I'm 48 now, so that puts me roughly 30 plus years as a quadriplegic. I met a beautiful young lady shortly

after my accident that dated for a couple years and she's been my now wife for 25 years this December, 26 years this December and a full-time caregiver as well up until recently she's gone through a couple cancer surgeries and so now we have some other caregivers that

that come in and that was a huge adjustment, but one that I'm super grateful for now. Retired, semi-retired pastor, went back to school and got my degree after in theology and started Swag Ability as a non-profit to help those that...

have gone through trauma or are going through trauma, any sort of illness, disability that is life-changing and someone that feels like the world's just come undone. We want to walk through that valley of the shadow with them. We've lost a child, our parents, a younger sibling recently that's 11 children behind now.

We're no stranger to suffering, though we don't brag about it. We use it as a tool to let people know that we don't want to waste our scars. so that's our desire, whether it's life coaching, counseling, or financial aid, or even adaptive products, just to help those people move to that shadow, that dark time they're walking.

SwagAbility Inc (03:34.644)
so we can make relationship with them. the whole thing is underpinned because we want to share the true hope that is in the gospel. And so that's the whole reason swagability exists and the reason my wife and I started that.

James Moffitt (03:52.196)
That's wonderful. you for sharing that with us. So Stephen, what led you to be part of Father's Refuge and to open up about your journey together?

SwagAbility Inc (04:01.942)
I think we live in an age where there's so much discouragement in the world. I think any time that a person has opportunity to share their story, doesn't matter what you've been through. If you have a story, you have an opportunity to encourage someone, someone can relate to you, to influence them in a positive way. I don't...

care what your situation is, disabled, able-bodied, anytime you have a chance to share something encouraging, then I think we do the world a favor because who doesn't need encouragement in the day and age we live in?

James Moffitt (04:49.015)
Right. Well, I, I started father's refuge podcast 24 years after we lost our daughter to cancer. it was August 5th, 2001. When she passed away, we, spent, 14 months going back and forth to the MUSC children's hospital. And, at that time I recognized that there was not a lot of support.

for men or fathers. And I think as, I think 24 years later, I think things have progressed to the point where maybe there are some resources out there for dads and fathers who are walking through loss and grief.

But I also, while, while the podcast is specifically for that, I also realized that loss and grief encompasses a whole range of issues. you know, job loss,

divorce, wrecked marriages, just all sorts of things, right? Grief is caused by loss in our lives of all kinds of different things that we can lose. And so I want to be all inclusive and I want to include stories such as yourself, family members who have lost children, loved ones, aunts, uncles, parents, grandparents, what it might be, whatever it might be, right? And I want to include those

stories as well. So that's why I'm glad that you're here and sharing your story about your, can you talk a little bit about your diving accident?

SwagAbility Inc (06:27.278)
Yeah, for sure. I was 19 and Friday, three days away from starting college. And it was a Friday afternoon, be about 30 degrees, which must be somewhere close to 90 degrees Fahrenheit, free folks in America. And I went.

to check on some friends. We were getting ready to head up to our local youth group at our church. And I had no intentions of swimming that day, but I was sitting there. They were just got back from work, taking early day off for them. And so they went down to the river to just clean up, cool off before we got ready to head out. And you know what it's like when two guys are having a lot of fun in the water and...

You're the life of the party and you're sitting on the grass watching. So after about 15, 20 minutes of seeing them enjoy themselves, of I was baking in the sun, that it won't miss out anymore. So spontaneously, being the humorous one that I always was, I just got up off the grass, sprinted down the length of the dock and they were treading.

I thought they were treading water at shoulder height. The river wasn't really clear, but I grew up on the water. We had a house on the lake, so I didn't really have a fear of water. And so what I assumed was about 14, 15 feet of water or even 10. I knew I could do a shallow dive, but what I didn't realize when I dove out on the end was they were...

Kneeling, so knee deep and trying to be the life of the party and the jokester. Made a shallow dive, it wasn't near, not near shallow, not near shallow enough dive because there was only about four feet of water. And I hit my forehead and snapped back and instantly broke the fifth vertebrae in my neck. There was such force and which obviously hit the spinal cord.

James Moffitt (08:23.247)
Mmm.

James Moffitt (08:39.919)
Mmm. Mmm.

SwagAbility Inc (08:49.69)
and instantly I was paralyzed from the shoulders down with no movement. So I lay face down in the water. Fortunately, I knew enough not to take a breath in, but I could see the of the silt settling on the bottom of the water. I still remember lot of ringing in my ears.

And I would say what was probably only 15 seconds, it took them to get over felt like half hour of holding your breath. And I remember not being able to move and any arm to move anything. And I remember a lot of people say your life flashes before your eyes when you think you're gonna die. But for me, the biggest thought that went through my head was.

James Moffitt (09:22.306)
Right.

SwagAbility Inc (09:42.296)
When I exit this world in a few seconds, I don't know where my eternity lies. I grew up in a Christian home, kind of made a profession for faith, but really lived my parents' faith out, kind of the coattails of their faith. I never owned any of it my own. And it was there and then that I just said to the Lord, God, if you exist and you...

James Moffitt (09:56.345)
Mm-hmm.

SwagAbility Inc (10:11.582)
save me, I will commit my life to serving you in whatever manner you call me. And as my friends got there, one started to pick me up and someone must have hollered at them, don't pick him up for the sake of not doing any more damage. So he dropped, you let me go again. And it was just enough for me to grab a breath of air and then I went back down again and I thought,

I didn't know the one friend super well. I thought he was going to run and go get an ambulance and call and leave me there. And that was most terrifying part because I thought that's where he was going and I wasn't able to move. But my other friend turned me over and floated me in the water. from there, time just seemed to pass forward. But I will tell you, as chaos was unfolding around me, was cruise ship that was passing by that

They were freaking everyone was a mess. As I laid there, I experienced now what I know the Bible calls supernatural. It was a piece of God that passed all understanding. I knew from that point on, for whatever reason, I was calm that whatever life held and however different it was going to be, that there was something there that

that there was going to be purpose for. I can't say that's how I felt as things progressed over the next number of years. But that was the scene. And it took about seven years, a year down in hospital, and then seven years after of strict physiotherapy to get back some upper body movement to gain some independence back.

For a C5 quad, I'm a blessed man compared to a lot that don't have near as much movement as I have, so I'm very grateful for that.

James Moffitt (12:25.419)
I can tell you have some upper body mobility and I see that you can use your hands and arms somewhat and that's awesome.

SwagAbility Inc (12:34.4)
Yeah, we're very blessed, really blessed. Just our movement itself is the golden ticket because you can get things to your mouth and if you can feed yourself, that's one course of independence. And those motions there, even though you haven't got any grip, they open up a whole world of things you can do for yourself. So you're grateful for all the small things that are huge things for

James Moffitt (12:47.918)
Right.

James Moffitt (12:57.281)
Absolutely.

SwagAbility Inc (13:04.568)
for me now.

James Moffitt (13:06.447)
Well, I'm sure that you have friends and family that, that, while they understand what you've gone through to a certain degree, I mean, for those of us that, you know, are not disabled and don't, don't have the, the, struggle, we just take things for granted, right? Just me moving my hand through the air and, and we just take so much for granted and we don't realize.

I'm talking about us. We don't realize the complexities of everyday life that you face that we don't, you know? And we just kind of take life for granted.

SwagAbility Inc (13:48.898)
Yeah, I remember as someone obviously able-bodied, I remember just before my accident school was ending and they always have these programs before summer, at least we did in Ontario when I was living there, they would come in and they'd have a couple of disabled people. They would come and give a talk before summer came about making proper choices, all those type of things and talk about car accidents and things.

They gave a statistic like, I forget back then, was like one in 30. And I remember sitting in that assembly, you know, someone that getting ready, that had graduated, counting heads that were ahead of me. mean, like one, two, three, there's 30. Oh, it could be him. Like, just thinking, what does one in 30 look like? A little did I realize that, you know, a couple days later, the one in 30 statistic.

would fall on this guy here. But I would say that I was blessed with a sense of humor that really helped me deal with a lot. mean, crying has its place and it is certainly a God given emotion for release, which I took advantage of a lot of times when I was around and when people were around, but humor.

It's a gift from God that when things are difficult and you can learn to laugh with others and with at yourself in situations sometimes, I found that was very helpful. there's so much the importance of having people around, especially in those early days.

because people help you keep your mind from wandering too far down tomorrow. And when you're thinking too far about tomorrow, you're paying interest on something that you don't know if you bought yet. so focusing on the day at hand and the conversation at hand and encouragement from friends and family.

SwagAbility Inc (16:15.756)
anyone's in that situation. I know it's difficult to go see someone that's going through a difficult time, but more often than not, even though they'll say they'll want to be alone, they really need a phone call or someone just to be close to them when the time and place.

James Moffitt (16:36.6)
Right.

You, you're, as you're talking, was, I was, remembering a friend of mine. actually he wasn't a friend. was a football player. He was one of those jocks. You know, he was a real, real popular, real good at football. And he didn't necessarily pick on me that much, but he, he wasn't nice to me. And he wound up in a bad car accident. I think he.

SwagAbility Inc (16:57.518)
Thank

James Moffitt (17:08.175)
I he went head on into a tree or something and he was out drinking and you know, he was driving and should not have been driving. Anyway, it screwed him up pretty bad and he wound up in a wheelchair and I don't remember.

James Moffitt (17:28.527)
how badly he was hurt. just, I just know that he couldn't walk and he was in a wheelchair and, and I went to see him, you know, uh, because like I cared about, uh, the, know, despite the fact that he wasn't necessarily good to me or nice to me, uh, you know, I, I wanted to go see him and let him know that, that he wasn't alone in that, you know, that I wanted to be his friend and help him in whatever way that I could. And we didn't become fast buddies or anything, but I,

I could tell that he appreciated that. You know, I think the fact that he hadn't been nice to me, uh, you know, during, during high school years or whatever. uh, so anyway, yeah, he, uh, uh, he was pretty messed up and he needed, he needed help. And I don't know if he, I think he had an electric wheelchair at that time or something. Anyway, he, he didn't wind up, he, passed away shortly after that. And, uh,

So anyway, that just kind of your story kind of just reminded me. and I'm also thinking about that young lady that was a paraplegic. She's real famous.

SwagAbility Inc (18:34.478)
Joni Erickson is quadriplegic. She dove in, same injury as me. Yeah, exact same diving accident. She's a C5, I think C4 5 quad that we have about the same amount of movement. If hers is a little less actually than mine. But Joni and Friends is a massive organization and she's now I think in her late 60s, probably in her 70s.

James Moffitt (18:37.742)
Yes.

Really?

James Moffitt (18:58.308)
Right.

SwagAbility Inc (19:03.85)
For a quadriplegic to live past 60, that was the hardest part for me. Like I remember I was one of those, not mean people, but I was, that's what I missed the most. was athletic, really thought that was going to take me places in life. One thing I missed the most, but yeah, that's what.

When we started Swag Ability, I was really mindful a lot of Joni's ministry and she bought through that wheelchairs and for people all over the world was at the center of the message is the gospel. See, it's one thing to provide a service or part or assistive technology to someone. That's just the entry point.

for us, that's the door in. Not that we've, I mean, we're still trying to raise a donor base. We're nowhere near what Joanie is. We're not even off the ground hardly yet, but.

Yeah, when we're able to supply those things, that's just crack opens the door for us to then say, well, why are you different? why are you doing this for me? And then that follows up with, that's exactly what Christ calls us to do. And we believe that our hope isn't found in this world. My hope is in the next one to come. So right now, I just can't take anything with me.

I can take people with me. So that's our goal.

James Moffitt (20:49.593)
Sure.

I remember years ago I was talking to my then pastor. He was the pastor and he was a chaplain at Trident Hospital in Summerville, South Carolina, which is right around the corner from me. Anyway, we were at lunch or breakfast or something one day and he told me about the psychology of need and I'm like, what does that mean? He said, he said, we are the hands and feet of Jesus and when people come to us,

in need we show compassion to them and we can't beat people over the head with the Bible and we if we don't help feed them and we don't help clothe them and if we don't help house them and provide the needs the physical needs that they have they're not going to be willing to listen to what we have to say and I think Chuck Swindoll wrote a book on compassion and I've got this saying written in my Bible that says

people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. Right? And so I think that I think it's important to believers to be the hands and feet of Jesus and to be compassionate and to yeah, we have the truth. We have the power of the Holy Spirit living in our lives that that changes us that motivates us to change. Right?

God loves us and died on the cross and provided grace. when I was a young man, when I was in my 20s, I told you about going to Bonneville, Alberta, Canada with several ministry partners for Battle Plan Ministries. And we went and spoke to like four different churches. broke up into, you know, I went to one church, Brother Bill went to another, blah, blah, blah. And we were able to...

James Moffitt (22:43.161)
you know share the gospel and share the the mission of our ministry which was to help get healing over porn addiction and it's just so you know people need jesus right and it doesn't cost anything for us to share our faith and to tell people that god loves them and

we all need Jesus. know, churches are nothing but hospitals, right? People need healing, right? And they need healing on a physical, mental, spiritual, psychological, physical way, right? And so, I think it's very good. Go ahead.

SwagAbility Inc (23:32.344)
When I was.

I think when I was pastoring the congregation that I had, I finally got an understanding of it that soul winning, the church I think at large has a picture of somebody that has to have apologetics down pat. They have to be out on the street giving tracks and where there's a time and a place for that.

I say amen to that, but when it comes to reaching people for Christ, most people think, well, lifestyle of answers, I'm just going to show them. it's much more than, you don't need a degree. You don't need to be out on the street, you know, being aggressive with people. Simply,

showing them you love them by providing for whatever need they had. People don't understand. I don't understand grace. don't but people the world that's unsaved doesn't understand free love, free help, free how can I meet a need and

It speaks volumes. When you just take a minute to look to see what your neighbor may be struggling with or what you can just do to be a blessing to them, sometimes it speaks louder than the loudest person that's on a street corner proclaiming the gospel. So I've done both, but I have found that making inroads into a person's life to share Christ has come

SwagAbility Inc (25:33.428)
a lot more times by just providing something that they needed a hand at, just to open up the conversation.

James Moffitt (25:43.428)
Yeah, remember when I became a believer and that's a long story, but I was very aggressive in my ministry. I like to beat people over head with the Bible and prove to them that God loved them, that not only could they become saved, but they had to turn from our wicked ways.

all of this, you know, and that's when God showed me, you know, compassion and how important it was and that, His Word is His Word and His Word spoken, empowered by the Holy Spirit, changes people. We don't change people. We can't change people. We have a hard time changing ourselves, right? We have very difficult time. We all have...

SwagAbility Inc (26:29.847)
now.

SwagAbility Inc (26:36.75)
That's a great point.

James Moffitt (26:37.987)
we all have some in our lives right we all have some sort of sin that were battling with and that's the whole whole part point behind justification and sanctification and all that you know we we are slowly but surely becoming who jesus wants us to be over us season you know in that season is life and death you know and and we're not perfect just because just because jesus lives in us in the holy spirit lives in us that doesn't mean that were perfect it means that were

sanctified, you know, that God loves us and He saved us. And so it's, you know, I spent, I wound up in a street rescue mission at the age of 19 or 20, and I learned, you know, I remember sitting in services at this, you know, the Star of Hope mission downtown Houston, Texas, and I kept hearing the gospel, the gospel message, and I was like, I was telling, you know, these churches would come

They bring food, they provide music, you know, and they had counselors and they pray with us. And I was like, Hey, I got, I got a salvation card in my pocket. If I die today, I know I'm going to heaven because I've got my salvation card in my pocket. You know, I asked Jesus into my heart. And so I kept asking God, I'm like, well, why me? Why am I on the streets? Why am I in a street rescue mission?

And over a period of about 45 days, he got through my thick skull and said, well, James, it's not what you've done. It's what you haven't done. And I'm like, what? What do you mean? I have fulfilled all the requirements of being a Christian, right? And he was like, your name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life, and I have a purpose for your life. And my purpose is not for you to live life according to your will, but according to my will.

right and i was like that was such a epiphany you know it was a it was it was earth shattering it was a revelation that i just didn't i didn't get out and understand that and i was like wow okay and so i went through a renewal period you know in my faith in in recognizing that yeah my name is written in lambs book of life but too much is given much is required and he doesn't save our life so that we can just wasted

James Moffitt (29:04.243)
And so I got into street ministry for about 10 or 15 years after that. so I have a heart for homeless, broken people. So anyway, good stuff.

SwagAbility Inc (29:16.152)
Amen.

SwagAbility Inc (29:20.686)
think that's the truth of it that productivity, everyone's searching for something they love to do, right? Even me. But productivity on God's timetable and on God's purpose that he sets for a life, you could have a million dollars and you see it all the time.

you unfortunately taking lives, their lives or whatever, because they can't figure it out. But productivity on God's timetable and on God's purpose for you. mean, that's given a quadriplegic for me, excitement to put my wheels on the floor every day. I mean, I have my bad days and I'm a sinner saved by grace, wicked man of a heart. But

doing this like stokes my fire, I'd say, because I think it's what God has put on our heart. And when you lock arms with God, life isn't boring. It's exciting. And I don't want to sit here and preach, but if you're a Christian and you're not excited in life about what you're doing, I would say

Get on your knees and ask God what His productivity plan looks like for you. It may be drastic from what you're doing, but when you get on the same page, I tell you, you don't need money. You don't need a full body. You just need to be in His will. And it's not all roses and sunny skies. Trust me, James, know as well as I do it encompasses loss, so much loss in our life.

Like we say, we don't want to waste our scars. Christ never wasted His. And your scars are what someone else needs to see as healing. And that's a message.

James Moffitt (31:32.013)
right let me share your you to channel with the listening audience for the viewing audience and

SwagAbility Inc (31:40.098)
Yes.

James Moffitt (31:44.944)
Swagability, Inc. All right, so it'll be coming up here soon. Yeah. And I want to, anyway, it's www.youtube.com. you know how to get to YouTube, then it's there. And you just search for Swagability, Inc. Swag, S-W-A-G, Ability, Inc. Thrive where life finds you.

SwagAbility Inc (31:45.429)
at Swagability, Inc.

SwagAbility Inc (31:52.642)
Thank you.

James Moffitt (32:14.719)
So I want to, I was hoping to make this screen or this here. me see if I can get rid of this.

SwagAbility Inc (32:26.19)
Thank you for pulling this up. This is great.

James Moffitt (32:26.383)
There we go. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I had to get rid of my teleprompter to make the, the, the window come up a little larger so people could actually see it. but here's a YouTube, video that, Steven created. You belong here in, in Steven has a ministry partner, Julie, who's married to you that, that really comes alongside him and helps him out. hope I'm not speaking out of turn on that.

SwagAbility Inc (32:55.182)
She is my everything. I don't have this ministry if I don't have someone to put me in my chair every day or get my food. So I don't have this ministry if I don't have my wife.

James Moffitt (32:57.273)
There you go.

James Moffitt (33:01.647)
There you go.

James Moffitt (33:07.937)
Amen, brother. My wife and I, we've been married almost 35 years. actually 35 years and then some may of this year we were married 35 years. So we're working on 36 years and, and I'm always amazed that she hasn't killed me yet.

SwagAbility Inc (33:18.264)
Praise God. Such a gift.

SwagAbility Inc (33:26.158)
I'm sure there's time while we laugh about it. She's like one of these times I'm gonna unplug a cord and not not on a deathbed but she may do that too but on my chair she says she used in my manual chair when I was able to push one sometimes she'd come and put the brakes on it and they'd lock pretty hard I didn't have the strength to get them off so here I was you know staring in a corner or whatever like that giving me my time out but again all humor

People wouldn't call that ableism today in the disabled world. Not politically correct, but we sure have lot of fun.

James Moffitt (34:08.035)
Taco talk a little bit about, about humor and how it, I was recently interviewed on a podcast called a cancer and comedy with dr. Brad Miller. And, he, he talks a lot about, how. Comedy and humor kind of helps us through the rough spots.

SwagAbility Inc (34:19.022)
wow.

SwagAbility Inc (34:29.102)
I, well for sure it does. Number one, it helps you cope with things that you think are embarrassing. I never wanted to be seen when I was first, I was put in a private room in Toronto in a hospital and I saw what quadriplegic, the internet was just coming around around that time. And you we'd do quadriplegic, whatever and you'd see, you know, we call them the quad gut, big belly, no.

upper body and then very skinny and I thought as a very prideful athlete at that time no more but I'm never going to look like that. I'm never leaving this room. whatever and then

I was taken out of my comfort zone. was put in a ward room with four other guys. And it was at that time, they were nuts. I mean, some of them had had injuries for 20 years. Some of them were five years. Some of them, I was the newbie. But the pranks, they would play on one another and the pranks, pranks, would start to play on me. And I learned to laugh again. And in laughing, not only do I think,

I'm no medical doctor, but it must release endorphins into our brain that are naturally produced. When you laugh, they're in abundance. laughing, laughing can turn into crying because you start to laugh and then you cry. It is a release. I think it's God's way of letting the pressure cooker blow off without doing damage. It's a way to just

release a lot of stuff that's pent up inside and when life you don't look at is so sad and so depressing but that not only can you laugh at yourself but you can laugh with others not at the expense of making fun of them but there's a time and a place for it and I had had that humor before my accident but it was so amplified

SwagAbility Inc (36:37.486)
After, I mean, I remember being tipped out of my chair the first time I went out. were dating Julie. They had a little bridge to get across this culvert. And the mom come out to try, because she was so worried about her daughter trying to get me across this bridge. Well, it was my now mother-in-law that...

put my front wheel off the edge of the bridge and over I went into it was a snow bank at the time so it was snow hard. First time dating and I'm soaking wet and I'm at their house and I mean she would have thought that she'd broken my neck again but now we look back and laugh at it but I was able to let in that situation you can do two things you can get angry and snap at people or you can laugh at

James Moffitt (37:08.335)
We will.

SwagAbility Inc (37:27.342)
I can't get up and you're gonna have to figure it out how you're gonna get me up. Two ladies, I mean, I think it was the six people, tractor and whatever else, but you made it out of it. And I mean, that's just one instance, know, I...

I don't share a bunch of them, but I was in the hospital and power chair and got my sleeve caught on the joystick. And so I went careening through the cafeteria and I didn't get to stop. I hit a table, take the table across and the table kept going, pinned a person up against a coke machine.

James Moffitt (38:09.258)
no.

SwagAbility Inc (38:14.53)
probably about 20 feet down the cafeteria. There's people then sitting where there used to be a table looking for their meal. And it was on a table about 30 feet down. And my chair just kept spinning like the tires once it hit a pop machine. Couldn't go any further until we able to get my hand off the joystick. There was just these squealing tires. I mean, it caused, and I don't like causing a scene, but.

James Moffitt (38:30.668)
Right.

SwagAbility Inc (38:42.67)
And it was right at the beginning, too, at a new hospital. So here I was making my grand entrance, trying to... Big old halo on my head because they used to still use halos then. They used to bolt. had... You type in halo quadriplegic, you'll see I still have four holes where they screwed... It's an apparatus into your skull to keep you from being able to move your neck. Well, I had that on for...

James Moffitt (39:09.133)
Right. Right.

SwagAbility Inc (39:12.846)
almost four months. So yeah, just couldn't do anything and then trying to sneak in to the back of the cafeteria and not be seen by anyone. Then, yeah, I got been known from there as Hot Wheels ever since. So anyway, just one incident after another. But yeah, laughter is definitely well, it talks about it. You know, a Mary

James Moffitt (39:32.441)
That's funny.

SwagAbility Inc (39:42.76)
Spirit dries up. I can't quote the verse by hand, but basically Mary's spirit

helps those, I got to figure out, you can look the verse up and it on the screen, but basically talks about, know, it mends up the broken bones of people, it's in the Psalms or somewhere, but a Mary's spirit. I'm sure God, when we get to heaven, it's not gonna be a theology one-on-one lesson. I'm sure we're gonna see a Jesus that has every one of those characteristics.

James Moffitt (40:02.69)
Right. Right.

James Moffitt (40:21.441)
Really, really look it up.

SwagAbility Inc (40:21.542)
and I'm sure he walked. Yeah, a merry spirit doth a heart good, but dry bones does something. If you look up a merry spirit does a heart good, in the Bible you'll find that verse.

James Moffitt (40:28.847)
Let's see. Let's see.

James Moffitt (40:41.943)
It talks about the fruit of the Spirit's love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Let's see...

SwagAbility Inc (40:42.069)
spirit does I hope

SwagAbility Inc (40:49.966)
I'll find it here. The Mary spirit, dry bones.

James Moffitt (41:00.943)
Apparently there's 73 Bible verses about the spirit.

Yeah, I'm failing at this.

SwagAbility Inc (41:08.59)
I got right here.

James Moffitt (41:15.129)
OK.

SwagAbility Inc (41:21.592)
There it is.

SwagAbility Inc (41:26.008)
Proverbs 17-22, a merry heart does good like medicine, but a broken spirit drieth up the bones. Yeah, Proverbs 17-22, just talking about how a joyful heart can have a positive impact on your life and one's well-being, but a broken spirit or just someone that's always downcast, it dries up the bones.

It just makes life brittle, stiff, just, yeah, interesting. Be an interesting study on it, but Proverbs 17 22 just talks about how life is good medicine. Laughter is good medicine, Proverbs 17 22. So, battle life first, I guess that's what we.

James Moffitt (42:06.671)
There you go.

James Moffitt (42:14.468)
Well.

James Moffitt (42:18.371)
think we both agree that life is difficult, it can be difficult, it gets hard at times. I don't care who you are or what your life story is, we all experience some sort of loss and we experience some sort of grief. there's six stages of grief, anxiety is the sixth one, and life...

SwagAbility Inc (42:23.88)
for sure. Losing a child?

SwagAbility Inc (42:43.992)
Thank

James Moffitt (42:45.313)
life in and of itself can be hard. Sometimes that's of our own making. Sometimes it's external circumstances we have no control of. Our boss fires us, the company's downsizing, we lose a child, a wife, grandmother, parent. There's a whole host of issues that go on, all swirls all around us. Politics, religion.

All kinds of stuff that, you know, social media sometimes is just wrought with negativity and garbage that we just have to, we have to figure out how to unplug ourselves mentally from all of that negativity and, and focus on good things and focus on things that can make us laugh. Right. And we, have to, we have to know how to laugh at ourselves.

Right. And as we were so judgmental and you know, guys, men, men, especially, you know, we're, we're always being preached at to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and you make, you make, you know, what you make of your life is what you're doing and you're in control and men don't cry. And, and, you know, we beat ourselves up and we have all these thoughts of inadequacy and we like to, we like to,

judge ourselves and we like to compare ourselves to other people all around us and well, I must be a failure because that person has a nicer house or a nicer car or better jewelry or a more beautiful wife or, you know, perfect children and, you know, social media.

You never see the bad things. All you see is the personas and the life that they want us to believe that they live. We just have to unplug from all of that and plug ourselves into the gospel and plug ourselves into good things and positive things. That's part of Father's Refuge is I want men to know that there is hope.

James Moffitt (44:50.449)
and that yeah you're suffering right now yes the loss that you're experiencing the grief that you're experiencing is excruciatingly painful but that's only gonna last for a season it's only gonna last for so long and you know 24 years later I can speak about

Jessica in her treatment journey and I can talk about when she died and I can talk about the funeral and I can talk about all of these things without really tearing up too much. I can't focus on one specific thing for too long, but I can look back. Hindsight's 2020, right? So we go through these trials and tribulations and experiences in our life and we

we either can let it beat us up and destroy us. We can become angry at ourselves, you know, and be judgmental and angry at others and blame others, blame ourselves, blame others, through all these negative emotions and we can let it destroy us or we could try to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

Right. And the light at the end of the tunnel is not a freight train. It's hopefully it's God. Right. And hopefully it's your faith in God and hopefully it's other believers around you that, that, that, guess what I'm trying to say is, is that at some point in our journey,

of loss and grief, at some point we have to start looking for that light. We have to start looking for that support. We have to start reaching out to, those systems, you know, call two, two one one for United way, find a local church in your area in the South where I live in Charleston, South Carolina. There's a church on every corner. You can go to one, a new church every Sunday until you find, you find the one that you like, right? That you feel like you're part of the family. Right. And I don't.

James Moffitt (46:48.533)
I really don't know of any churches that don't welcome people in. That's the whole point of being a church is to open your doors to the neighbors and to people around you and so that they can come in, feel welcomed, feel like they are part of something bigger than themselves and find that support. know a lot of churches have pastoral counseling, they have family counseling, they have all sorts of programs and even if

don't have it in house, they can refer you outside in the community to find the help that you need. Right. And that's, that's what I want people to understand is that, is that you're not alone.

You're not by yourself in all of this. You're not the first person that ever experienced grief, you know, or loss. we're all one big happy family here on this rock that we call earth. Right. And, yeah, I get it. You know, we're probably not all a big happy family, but, but you'll find somebody in your near vicinity that could probably reach out and help you.

SwagAbility Inc (47:54.284)
Men are my favorite when I public speak. It's men conferences or whatever. Men are my favorite. When I was a dean of men at a college here, I just developed.

a love for speaking to men, maybe it's because I know myself best or whatever, I found one thing was common. Anytime that I was traveling with my father to go speak or with myself, when we get real with ourselves, when we talk about the messy things, when we talk about whatever, there's

Men, everyone, man out there has dealt with one of the things I'll speak about and I think just bringing it to the surface in a safe environment where men can speak with you after or can say that, wait a second, this guy has moved on and is doing this. I find that it gives

men permission in their mind to start talking about the messiness inside. And if you're a man out there, I would say get yourself to a Bible conference. Get yourself to another man. Call our hotline or whatever, but men need to be brought to a spot where they're safe. No one's around or whatever.

to let out what's truly inside them because until they do that, we are the most stubborn. God has made us that way to be providers and built within us this continual drive to whatever, but we will drive ourselves literally either to drink or either to not go on in life any further because we won't enable those things we're burying to come out. And I'm saying until you...

SwagAbility Inc (50:08.782)
get around a speaker or whatever that you're comfortable enough to say, a second, that's me. It was mental health a number of years ago. No man would talk about mental health back when I first started speaking. And I would find at the end of almost every time I spoke, there'd be about 15 men that say, can I talk to you after? And they'd say, I've been dealing with depression now for about 14 years, but I haven't told a soul. I lost my job or whatever.

But men need to know that it's find a safe spot where you can find a brother, a family member or a pastor, where you can just be real because until you do, you're going to live a life like Jonah. You will find yourself miserable and always kicking against like Paul said.

the goads that were trying to prod him towards Christ. So anyway, that's me off my soapbox now, but I love men. And I think there's a, think men, at no time in history has there been a time where men need to step up and be leaders because we've raised little boys and they haven't heard the word no. And that may sound harsh, but until men start being

James Moffitt (51:13.475)
No, it's good stuff.

SwagAbility Inc (51:35.326)
and biblical leaders in their home, we're going to continue to see the problems we see because it's just going to be replicated in the youth. So anyway, I digress.

James Moffitt (51:49.231)
No, no, that's good stuff. Men do need to be men and we do need to be leaders in our homes and to be the support system that our families desperately need. There's no doubt about that. So to the listening audience, I want to say thank you for joining us for this powerful conversation with Steven Wagstaff of Swagability, Inc. here on Father's Refuge. And Steven, thank you for being here today.

If this story encourages you, speaking to the audience again, if this story encouraged you, share this episode with someone who needs to hear that hope and healing are still possible. You can reach out to me at FathersRefuge at Proton.me. That's FathersRefuge at Proton.me. You can reach out to Stephen on his YouTube channel. Remember, no marriage is too far gone. No heart too broken for God to restore.

Until next time, keep leading with love, walking in faith, and finding refuge in the Father.

SwagAbility Inc (52:53.166)
Amen.