DISCO's Seleana and Timbre discuss finding your history with Nikko

DISCO's Seleana and Timbre discuss finding your history with Nikko.   Nikko talks about finding out about her family history and ethnic background, what assumption her and her family had, what were correct and what were wrong.  How society views her through her appearance and how she deals with it when they are wrong.  Society makes a lot of assumptions purely based on what we assume about what we see.   How do we correct those assumptions?

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:03

Welcome to Disco, diverse and inclusive stream of conscious observation. What if everything you saw in the mirror, everything you thought about your ancestry changed in an email? That's what we're gonna talk about today. Finding your history. I am Selena, your host, and with me as always.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Hi, I'm Timber.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

And I'm Dominique. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 0:34

Yeah, we're talking about uh finding our history today. Uh Dominique uh just recently did an ancensory test and found some really interesting information, and uh you had because you had certain ideas about what your heritage was, and is that right?

SPEAKER_01 0:53

Well, I had like three-fourths of it, but the rest of it was just rumors. So it was always either like my family saying one thing or the other, or people coming up to me asking me, and then assuming like, oh, you could be this, maybe or that, maybe or this.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

So before this ancestry test came about, like what did you think about your own DNA and ancestor in your background?

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Well, I knew that I had a lot of different whites in me. I was very, I am very European. Um and I knew there was some Spanish in there. And you know, I really thought I would find some Italian in there. There's no Italian, there's no Italian. Um and then I found out I was native many years before the ancestry. Um and that was always up in the air. Like cheekbones, hello. What made you decide to uh try that the test, the ancestry to go? So well, also hold on before we go there. Okay, I um I was always told that my grandpa was black, but we weren't sure. Because back in the day, if you weren't white, you were black. So they're like, well, he could be this and he could be that, like different types of like Latin or um South American type things and native, but yeah, they always came back to your grandpa's black. And I'd be looking at myself in the mirror and I'm like, like, I got a good tan and I got good lips. There's parts of me that are lacking things that would be on the average on the African American. Yes, yes, for those hashtag little booties matter. Sure. Uh but um, yeah, so it was actually my brother's idea to do theancestry.com and him and my dad did it. And my brother found the answers, and it was um it was pretty awesome when I got the phone call. Because not only did I find out like what I was, but I kind of found out a little more of like who I was, because we didn't just figure out the ancestry, we found my grandpa. Mind you, he was deceased, but we found my grandpa, and we found my aunties, and we found my cousins, and I had an uncle, and it was so exciting and and a little scary, but exciting.

SPEAKER_02 3:25

Tell us about that, like that call, especially you getting that call, and then tell us about the first time when you actually connected with your family.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

I spoke to my auntie Monique, and which I love that her name is Monique because I'm Dominique, and eh. Um we had a nice chat, and it was funny because we were like both kind of had a nervousness about like if the other person had like any like hostility towards a situation of how my dad was brought into this world, or like she thought that there was a possibility that like we would be mad because he never met his dad, and then we were worried that like they would be mad at us because her dad had gone out on his previous wife and had my dad. So got it. So we're both like all worried that the other one will be mad. And it's like, no, no, no, I'm just so excited to have more family. And like me and her are like besties. I talk to her like she's one of my girlfriends.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

That's awesome, yeah. Yes, that that is great. And so, how much did you learn then? Like, what kind of you know conversations and things? What's what's changed in your life since you figured it out?

SPEAKER_01 4:39

A lot, because you know, just just knowing, just having the answers has changed a lot, like how I feel about myself. And um, it was really nice to learn that I have so many family members because like I'm big on family and I like family reunions and stuff, and like my mom's side of the family is big, but we don't hang out like that, right? And my daddy's side of the family, they they be hanging out, and um, I have so many cousins, and I have one of my cousins looks a lot like me, and she has a daughter, and she looks a lot like my daughter, and it's real cute. Also, oh, oh, oh. When I got the pictures, I was looking at all the facials going through features. Yes. Me and Sheila got the same eyebrows, one of them points, and one of them curves. I don't know if mine does that right now because I got some makeup on. My natural eyebrows, one points, one curve. We have the same like thin area. It's almost a bald spot. And then like the point of the nose, that's from my daddy's side. The point of the top lip, that's from my daddy's side. Um, oh, me and mominique be talking about our hair complications. We have the same issues. Hers a little thicker than mine, a lot thicker than mine. But we be complaining about our hair together and stuff. And I actually um flew out to Vegas and got to spend time with her and another one of my aunts on Sinee. And that was a really good time. And it's it's fun because like you can see, like, we got the same like facial expressions and stuff. Yeah. That is awesome. They it sounds like they welcomed you with open arms as well. Oh, yeah. Open arms and some. Like it was it was really, really nice.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

Um was it a surprise for you?

SPEAKER_01 6:30

I was just gonna say it was nice, it was surprising, and it was like just like comforting. Did they have did they have any idea that who you were, that you couldn't even exist they heard rumors that they had a sibling out there, just like we heard. You know, what's crazy is we even like had like options of what my grandpa's name was. And when we um when we found out what his name was, it was one of the like four options. So like somebody out there had the details and had told somebody, but nobody wanted to confirm anything.

SPEAKER_02 7:01

I think that's a lot from those times back then. There, I mean, there's many people that are gonna figure out those quiet affairs, you never say anything about the the kid from the milkman as a people used to tease, you know. Um, and it it's like so many people have hidden it, especially back then. I mean, how many people would if a girl got pregnant, you'd go, they'd they'd send them away to have a baby, and then sometimes come back and they'd send them up to adoption, like if it was a teenager, and nobody would ever even know that they were pregnant or anything else about it.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

I have a friend that was raised by her grandparents, and I didn't know until like three years into our friendship that her big sister was actually her mom. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just thought that her her mom was old, you know. I'm like, oh, she had you late in life. Right. No, that was her grandma. Yeah. I had no idea.

SPEAKER_02 7:48

And that's it's that happens more often than you know, people want to believe or hear or think, you know. But I think that like you finding your history and finding yourself and and you know, your ancestry, I think when we all do that and actually do find ourselves, it it does complete a part of us. Yeah. And I think sometimes it makes things make sense sometimes too, as to how you, you know, feel, react, and actually like navigate through life in your life. Has that changed your navigation at all?

SPEAKER_01 8:19

A little bit. With it, how has it changed it? Um, I don't know. I'm having a brain for it on that because my mind went somewhere else. Oh well, because because you were we were talking about how like so many people don't know and there's so many secrets and whatnot. And I was thinking, you know, I found out that I was native because my grandma had dementia, and she went back in time in her mind and started telling my mom stories about how we have native in our blood, and it was a big secret, and we couldn't tell anybody. Crazy, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Well, a lot of heritages are secrets, and even for those times too. Back back those one or two, three generations from now, they weren't good records were kept, right?

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Right. No, there's so much stuff hidden. Yeah, yeah, hidden, destroyed, gone, whitewashed, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

Or whitewashed oral history has to be kept, and yeah, that's tough too, because that can be what misinterpreted.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

It can be misinterpreted, or um, and also people sometimes just don't believe and don't listen anymore, you know. They want to do their own feelings that no, that just can't be right. That couldn't have happened instead of actually believing, like, yeah, no, that really was the truth. That is what happened out there and how it goes. So, like my dad, he my dad was on his own from the age of 13. He had to leave in the middle of the night, nothing but newspapers, sold out his shoes because they were coming to lynch him, like because he wouldn't cross the boardwalk for a white woman. This is when he was 13 years old. So he's been on his own since he was 13. So we always have a running thing ourselves. Who knows? Because and he's from Arkansas, we're in Minnesota. How many along the way and his journey actually some are kids here, some are there? Yeah, exactly. Because expect and condoms weren't a thing back there.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

Yeah, they weren't a thing until like 1950, something. Yeah, you record on that in school.

SPEAKER_02 10:10

So and then that's when it's a thing. That wasn't when it was popular to use it and people used them, you know.

SPEAKER_01 10:17

They were using weird things before that, but the condoms that we know today started in like the 50s. Yeah, yeah. But then they didn't really have those 60s, maybe closer to the 60s.

SPEAKER_02 10:27

Maybe closer to the case because that's why they were so like love and freedom and like oh yeah, the things, because they had protection and they were sharing a lot of things too, so they probably had to figure out but they had they had yeah, they were like, Oh, we can be free now. That is true back then. Yes, yes, yes. I'm sure there are many people like with the same, if they were to dig and to see that have the same results, yeah, and be surprised.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

Plus, grandpa was like, he was on the base, uh, you know, military. So we've even joked around that, like maybe there's some more out there that we don't know about. Yeah, I don't know. We need to we need to look at the ancestry again. Yeah. Because you know, they get updates. I don't know how long it's been since my brother looked at it. He's in charge of all that. Oh, yeah, yeah. Of seeing it and of getting of getting those alerts that change your life for a moment.

SPEAKER_02 11:13

So what has been the best part? Or how about this? For those, for anybody else who's like wondering or questioning about their heritage and their identity and their background, like, do you have any advice for them when they go digging? You had a great experience, but also I know that people should probably be prepared for you do gotta be prepared.

SPEAKER_01 11:37

Like, there's been so many stories of people that are like adopted and don't know, and they find out and then they're like so upset because then nobody told them and whatnot. So, like they're or you find out that, like, yeah, like your dad is the milkman or your uncle or something. So you gotta be careful, yeah. And then, like, um the conspiracy side of me is like, oh, uh, do you want them to have your DNA? Think about that. But if you're okay with that, do it, go get tested, see what it says. Yeah, yeah, why not? And how like go find your family.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

I think it's also important to like sorry, even closer to the mic.

SPEAKER_01 12:16

I think it's also important to um go into like the books and look at what there is on paper. My mom's side of the family has a thick binder, I want to say it's like that, of their family tree. And not only do we have that, but a couple of my family members on my mom's side have done their ancestry and it came up different than the book. And part of them is like, mm, is the book wrong or is this wrong? And we're all being scammed, they don't know what to think.

SPEAKER_02 12:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

But yeah, like, why not, why not look up as much info as you can?

SPEAKER_02 12:48

Uh-huh. You just made me think about like, um, I remember I heard somebody talking about just a few weeks ago something insane. You know, people will go back and find out their history, but they only go back to whatever country was not America, they don't keep going.

SPEAKER_03 13:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:03

And if we all kept going, you would find that we're all actually from Africa. And then saying that, Pangea. Why in Ancestry.com then wouldn't we all have some African in us?

SPEAKER_01 13:16

Right? You would think, but maybe it's just diluted down so much that it doesn't show up because maybe it's like a 0.00000017 and like but wouldn't that still come up in a generation?

SPEAKER_00 13:29

Just a random recess.

SPEAKER_02 13:30

Possibly not. I mean, it maybe they can only go back so many generations. Like our DNA probably does possibly only go back so far.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

My my um cousin went back and did a lot of work on the family tree and brought us all the way back to Mary Magdalene. Oh apparently she's my ancestor. Okay, yeah, but he didn't do that through like the tests and stuff. He did that through like the history books and the and and tracking and all the yeah, he like spent like years on it.

SPEAKER_02 14:01

As a true historian there, yeah, to be able to do that. That's great. Yeah, to go that far back. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

I've always been afraid to do that genetic history because I'm worried about putting my genetic information out there to be used maliciously.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

I yeah. And that's why I said the conspiracy side of me wants you to be wary of that DNA because they can do like biologic weapon, bioweapons.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

We're talking about heritage and race and record keeping. My family has a several has a lot of records from several hundred years uh of our family history. And and I wonder if that's maybe due to my heritage and my race.

SPEAKER_02 14:43

Definitely, because my history, like maybe on my mother's side, I she can go further further back. Um her herself doesn't have she does not have the records, but her siblings may. But on my father's side, there is no records. There's there's no records for for uh black people, basically. The f if you go back far enough, there the records are either they're missing, they're gone. I mean, somebody might be able to find some things, but not the true, you know.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

Well, and then a lot of them had to take their master's last name. Right. Or they were just given that yeah, they were just given the names that like weren't their bloodline. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

Would this be necessary for certain families then so they can actually start connecting the docs? Because other families that they could connect with would possibly have that hit family history.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

It it possibly could, with, but I doubt for a lot of in the black culture, sadly, because if you think about our history, like we were stolen and they wanted to wipe our identity. That's why our language was wiped out. That's why, like, all of those things, they took all of our identity away. They separated families intentionally, um, so that they didn't have those bonds. But that's also on the flip side why so many black people we call each other brother and sisters, because coming from that time, we all had to take care of each other and to be each other's brothers and sisters because our actual brothers and sisters weren't there, they were taken from us. So um, that's where that like the tie of family in the black culture is really deep and comes from. Cause and everybody's cousins, even if you ain't blood related. Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:17

That's my cousin. Right. That's that's your mom's best friend's kid, that's your cousin.

SPEAKER_02 16:21

Yeah, yeah. Where we're all we're all family. Um, and that's just it's something I think I feel like it's like deep in our souls to just be connected like that and to take care of each other. Uh so like, and then for somebody who's finding out that their soul actually has that same ability with it, um, I think you know, has to be a little bit enlightening just to to know.

SPEAKER_01 16:43

Yeah, well, even before I knew, I um I was raised by a strong black man from the south. So I was already like cultured, so that's good. Yeah. Sometimes when I'm talking to my dad, like he was raised white. So sometimes when I'm talking to him, I have to like tell him things that like he doesn't know. Like, my dad didn't know what Juneteenth was. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 17:04

We were just talking about it.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

Just had to tell him this just a couple weeks ago. Like, what do you mean? You don't know. Like, he knew like that about the situation, but not like fully. He didn't know I had a name and he didn't know the date and all those things. Yeah, and that there was celebrations behind. Yeah, he's like, hold on, people have been celebrating this for how many? I'm like, man, since I was a kid, they've been having a celebration of man. Yeah, I never met it.

SPEAKER_00 17:26

Juneteenth, right? I didn't know about it until it became a national holiday.

SPEAKER_01 17:29

He didn't, yeah. Like I'm like, really?

SPEAKER_00 17:32

What's going on here?

SPEAKER_02 17:33

But I remember growing up going to Juneteenth myself. I went to the Juneteenth celebrations. We talked about that. They there actually were Juneteenth celebrations, and I was taught about Juneteenth and all that.

SPEAKER_00 17:43

But it's it's been recognized for what, a hundred, hundred and fifty years?

SPEAKER_02 17:46

Well, I I mean almost since the since the day of I feel like it's only been recognized the past couple years. Yeah, it's been celebrated amongst especially the black community. That's what I mean. That's what I mean. Yeah, yeah. For celebration, actually for a hundreds and hundreds. I mean, that was like I think in uh what 17 or was it 17 or 18? I have to look at my notes. 1800, but it's over a hundred years ago. I think it was 1776. Well, then no, that's that's Independence Day.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

That's July 4th of 1776. This was um 1870. I got 18.

SPEAKER_00 18:19

I think it was 1870.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

No, 1850 something.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 18:22

That's my guess. I got notes. I got notes. You guys agree on it, and I will find it and let you know. Which one it is. You guys go ahead and keep talking.

SPEAKER_01 18:33

I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I I swear, I swear it was 50 something.

SPEAKER_02 18:38

It was like 1850 something. I had it.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

1865.

SPEAKER_02 18:42

There we go. Yes, 1865. But it was actually happened at 1863, January 1st, 1863. But it was it was in June 19th at 1865 that it was discovered. The first time it was celebrated was in 1866. Okay. Because it was a year later that it was celebrated. Actually, kind of funny fact, kind of. Going off of it, the celebration originally began for um it celebrated with with the slaves as well. And um military people, like there, the black Yeah, it happened in Texas.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Yeah, well, that's what that was. They were the last ones to know. Yeah, they were the last ones to know. They were the last ones. They went and scooped them up, like, hey, y'all are done.

SPEAKER_02 19:27

Yeah, yeah. Which nothing much ended up changing. Yeah. Still, yeah, it's not really interesting.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Texas, is it the southern state?

SPEAKER_02 19:36

Well, that was the last place. That was the last place. That's where the last slaves found out that they were free. Sure, okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Yeah, that that is true, is it that yeah, that was the last place.

SPEAKER_02 19:47

So that they were the last ones in the country documented that found out. So um down in Texas. But yeah, like I said, it took a year and a half for the word to spread from when the president signed it in order. So you know, um, but that's crazy. He didn't know much about Judah. So you're actually teaching your dad more about his culture and history. Yeah. Uh is he does he seem to be more interested now that he's learned that that actually truly is his background? Yeah. That's good. Yeah, that is cool.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

Does it change did it change him at all? Did he did change his perspective?

SPEAKER_01 20:24

I'm sure it didn't.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

Or his attitude towards things.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

I'm sure it did. It was I feel like he always knew. So when he found out, he was like, Yeah, I told you so.

SPEAKER_02 20:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew that. How did he feel about finding his family though? And his like his sisters, his sitting.

SPEAKER_01 20:39

It was nice because the rest of his family didn't treat him well because they knew that he was this child of a Yeah. So, yeah, they were mean to him. They were, huh? Mm-hmm. He don't talk to none of the family, really. Last time we saw um his mom's family was at a funeral many, many years ago, and like half the family was mean. I don't know them, and none of them were even interested in meeting me. Because he was the the product of an affair. So like, oh, it doesn't matter that y'all got the same mom.

SPEAKER_02 21:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:13

You know.

SPEAKER_02 21:14

Interesting.

SPEAKER_01 21:15

Mm-hmm. Uh, so when the they were mean to him, was it the so did he know then his black family, or was it more of the We're in the same situation where all of our siblings are super white with like straight hair or like lightly wavy hair, and we are tan and we don't get sunburned, and we got juicy lips, and we got good hair. Uh-huh. So yeah, we look different. Like it took it took my um my mom's ex-husband a couple years to realize I wasn't his. They had they had separated, they were divorced, but she lied and said that the last time they had I happened, and she knew I wasn't his baby. Oh, see, those that's that's that's those secrets. You know what I mean? Me and this man I'm looking at like, how did he not know? It took two years to find this out. Like I'm tan, yeah, dark eyes.

SPEAKER_02 22:08

Yeah. And he was a he was a was he at like a timber white man?

SPEAKER_01 22:11

Um white on white. I would say like a couple notches. Because you're pink white and they're pink white. But but I've never been told that before. I'm thinking like, um, this is so messed up. The way my bro okay, so I'm like a numbers, shapes, and colors person. So I'm like literally picturing like a color wheel. And like you're right here, and they're like right here. And then I'm like over here. There's a lot of colors on the way. Anyways, um, yeah, no, they're white, white. He is a French individual, and yeah, he's very white. And my siblings don't tan very well, and my sister's always been very upset about that.

SPEAKER_02 22:52

Not enough melon in there. I have a niece that doesn't tan. And we, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:56

Well, French could have a little bit a little bit of melanin in it if they're from the probably southern friends. You know, but I but I'm Irish, French, English, and German, so I'm all white.

SPEAKER_02 23:08

Well, to be honest, I mean, even saying that you're French or from any other country, that's all relative, as we were seeing saying before. I mean, there's white people in Africa. You know, the South Africans, they're white. You know, there are black French people. There are black, there are black Chinese people because they were born in China. You know what I mean? Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

Genetically French.

SPEAKER_02 23:27

Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:28

But I and I don't know if genetically like being born in France and you're French because you're born there, and then there's like my ancestry is from France, I'm French, you know, like so.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

How do we define that now? Yes, because we're we're talking about you know, being born someplace, you know, the being born here now you're American, but you know, they're trying to take that away from people now, too.

SPEAKER_02 23:50

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just yeah, interesting, like because like I said, there's there's multiple people who, you know, they like they were born in that other country, but how do they know that that genetic gene is now French? Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. That's yeah, you know, like that's funny. Or and how did they decide which gene is from which country then? That has to be one that that's from a a quote unquote black country, you know. But you know, like I said, there's there's white South Africans.

SPEAKER_01 24:21

Well, and then there's countries that have changed over the years. So much some countries don't exist anymore. Now they're a different country. Some countries claim to be a country and they're not a country, right?

SPEAKER_00 24:29

Yeah, that's how they're recognized, right?

SPEAKER_02 24:31

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so true. I think so. In saying that, probably the way that we all view our ancestry and it's it's probably gonna evolve and change a little bit. Yeah, you know. Um, and sorry, ancestry.com, but you might not be as reliable anymore as it comes, you know, yeah. They might not be because, like I said, if you know your great grandmother was black from France, she's French, right?

SPEAKER_01 24:56

But they would probably say also my dad's I don't know what my brother's percentage was, but I added up my dad's percentage, and they only gave him 78% of his ancestry. There's a lot missing still.

SPEAKER_00 25:08

Is there a percentage that like it was a certain way?

SPEAKER_01 25:11

Because even though it might be five percent this or five, you know, I'm just saying, like if you if they had all of the things, it would add up to a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_00 25:19

Right.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

Right?

SPEAKER_02 25:20

Right.

SPEAKER_01 25:21

Well, I added it up and it added up to 78. So we're missing some.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

You are and when you're gonna do it.

SPEAKER_01 25:25

I need my 22%. I don't want to take it. I don't want to do the ancestry. You don't wanna I don't wanna. My dad and my brother did it, and I'm good with that. Y'all do it.

SPEAKER_02 25:33

You're fine with that. No, you don't need it.

SPEAKER_01 25:34

You don't want to unbury any more secrets? No, it's not about that, it's because I'm a conspiracy theorist. I don't want anybody having my DNA, even though the doctor has it. I'm aware of given blood to the doctor and I have donated blood, so they already got me, but I don't want it in this database because they've been selling their data and stuff and no thank you.

SPEAKER_02 25:50

Yeah, I understand. Like I said, I understand I get that with the drawing blood and things, but they aren't doing genetic testing on every blood that we're doing. They're doing those certain testing, like genetic testing on bloods is a whole different situation than testing for iron or testing your liver functions and all of that. And after a week, it's thrown away. So it's not like in that so I'm okay with the doctor.

SPEAKER_01 26:12

I'm down with the doctor for the most part.

SPEAKER_02 26:14

Right. But yeah, no, I'm I'm good. Right. Yeah, I get it. I I have the same fear somewhat too. I'm like, I don't know. I don't, I don't want them to be, you know, all of a sudden they know what my DNA is, and all of a sudden now that magically shows up somewhere where I've never been. Like, you know, I don't want that used to against me.

SPEAKER_00 26:32

That's it, it's some clone made of you.

SPEAKER_02 26:34

This this world and this society currently now has just have they have us all thinking like this. It's all conspiracy theory because they're doing so many crazy things to us. We love conspiracies.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

I've been talking about the same stuff for 20 years, and let me tell you, a couple months ago, my mom came up to me and she said, Oh my goodness, I owe you an apology. Everything you've been talking about since high school, you were right about like this world is messed up, you were right about everything. I was like, Oh my god, thank you so much. Look at that, you taught your mom. Yeah, there you go. She still doesn't listen to everything. Well, some of the some of the things she looks at me and she's like, Are you okay? Let me let me feel your forehead. Right, right, right, right.

SPEAKER_02 27:16

Yeah, yeah. How does she feel like with you digging into your black history so deep?

SPEAKER_01 27:21

Um, she was she was very um excited about it too, and very happy for me. And um, because she always really wanted to know too. And then um she was the one that had the list of names. So when we got the let me knob on my hand over my she was the one that had the list of names and she was like, I knew it, I knew it. She likes to be right, and I like to be right too. So you get it from your mama, huh? I get it from my mama. Yeah, so that's interesting.

SPEAKER_02 27:52

Ah, great. Yeah, it's this is just a it's amazing, and it's nice to hear and talk about, you know, discovering ourselves and somebody who's actually been through the process and having a positive experience through the process.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

Yeah, in this year. It's been real nice. It's also been nice to um like have more um connection to different communities.

SPEAKER_00 28:14

I was just gonna ask how's the cultural connection.

SPEAKER_01 28:18

It's nice because like people always abuse people always ask me what I am, and they're like so excited for it, like, because they like think that like maybe we're the same or something, you know. And when I used to tell them, like, I don't know, I'm missing a piece, they'd like get disappointed. Um and now like people are like, girl, you look like you mixed. Are you mixed? And I'm like, Yeah, my grandpa Nigerian. They're like, girl, me too, I'm Nigerian. Yeah, I love it.

SPEAKER_00 28:41

But what's what's appropriate for that now? I mean, I think for a while we were not supposed to say, Where are you from? That you know, quote unquote, like asking where your children's people about me.

SPEAKER_02 28:52

I don't get asked where I'm from.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

I get asked what are you? What are you?

SPEAKER_01 28:56

What are you? What are you and where are you from? I started charging. Did they pay? Um, I charge men, not women. I'm a girl's girl. I I only charge five dollars. It depends on what mood I'm in that day. For me, it's like I'm just I don't like repeating myself a lot. And so like I'm always asking, like, do you want the short version or the long version? Because I'm pretty sure I'm at like 13 things or something. So, you know, I can tell I'm like, Yeah, I'm just white, black, Spanish, and native. Or they were like, Well, what's the long one? I'm like, Well, I'm gonna charge you for that. Yeah, yeah, that's a whole $5 make me holler. It's a whole conversation in that cost.

SPEAKER_00 29:32

I think it's supposed to be meant to be innocent and just intuitive and like just curious and just break the ice and get to know somebody, but it there's an under underlying and you know, rudeness to it too, isn't there?

SPEAKER_02 29:45

There is, yeah, yeah. It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

SPEAKER_00 29:48

Right. Right.

SPEAKER_02 29:49

Yes. Yeah. Yeah, you can ask, and we know that that's a true curiosity thing, versus asking to figure out if your biases are correct. Like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, if I know that yeah, I was right that that's what you were. So I figured, you know, um, versus saying, you know, I'm just curious, like, you know, how are you like are you from this region? You kind of look like that, and especially like you said, you have similarities with other people. And there are times and ways to ask. And and I encourage people actually, like from different cultures, because I did that with a lot of our interpreters where we sat down and we talked about the different cultures and like asked those questions, like, why do you guys act like you know that everybody's like says it's a no-no to say, you know, with that, and it's a way of doing it. But to sit down and have those conversations and then to be able to be like, Oh, I get it now. I kind of understand. I understand why you guys, why you see that culture, that area sees things in this manner versus the other manners, and and it creates the bridge that we all need to come together and understand that we have some differences, but we're all still one human family. Amen. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So that's what we just uh discovered and find out. And um, I I think it's it's crazy that I feel as if, and I may be 100% incorrect, but I feel as if that is uh something that is more within the black community of we are family, we all are more together. And I feel as if a lot of the other communities, although I will say like a lot of Southeast Asian communities are really tight as well, and you know, monks and that, but white, white people, white, including, you know, some of my family, the white family, that side, they're not always necessarily as as close and tight depends on where you're nicked and and having that.

SPEAKER_01 31:40

It does totally a NASCAR race. Oh, yeah, 100%. Or the Kentucky Derby, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 31:46

Like if it's a family, I guess that's yeah, they have a little bit of culture. But you know what? Let's just be honest. That's every every culture, every race, every which race is relative, but every, you know, ethnicity, we all have all the same. Like we all have a crazy uncle, maybe not an uncle, but you got a crazy family member. You all have a couple of things. Usually an uncle. Yeah, right, for some reason. You know, we all have those glitches. We all have either that we're really tight, you have family that you're close with or family that you're just sassy grandmas. Yeah, there's always a sassy grandma. Which I've realized as I'm getting older. I understand. I love a sassy grandma. My mom used to always tell me too like, I I I am at the age that I can say whatever the hell I want now. And also like me, me and grandmas.

SPEAKER_01 32:28

Me and grandmas too, as long as they're not being mean to me. And yeah, you can get them in every color, every culture. You're entertained by them. Oh, oh, I love the things that fly out of their mouth. Add it. This is messed up, but like add in a little bit of dementia, hilarious. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:44

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I used to work in internal medicine, and some of my patients that, you know, that are elderly that when they're had dementia, they were the most funniest characters and heart loving. And yeah, I just loved them.

SPEAKER_01 32:56

I just loved them. My grandma was like, it was sad as my grandma was on her way out, but um, she had her good days and she had her bad days. And then she had her days in the middle where she said the craziest things. One day she told me that there was a bunch of little people in her room trying to steal her lunch. Oh. There were no little people. There weren't? No, and I don't know like what type of little people she met. Like she made it kind of sounded like elves were in there doing cartwheels and backflips. Literally, she said things like cartwheels and backflips, and they were trying to steal her food. Interesting. So, yeah, um, hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 33:32

It is.

SPEAKER_03 33:32

It is, it is.

SPEAKER_02 33:34

Last question that I have for you. Now that you have found out more of your background, when you come across that little box that asks what you are.

SPEAKER_01 33:45

I love this question. Let me tell you, my whole life, if you put all the boxes, every piece of paper I've ever had to do this on, you would never know what I am. Because you just mark all of them. Situational. First off, sometimes I just don't have the options I want. And it depends on what I'm trying to do. Am I applying for a job? I am white. If I'm trying to apply for like a grant at school, I'm all the things that I am. Let me tell you, I got some good grants for being native. Good. Um, yeah. Um, I usually I do enjoy clicking other. Other. Yeah, but if I have the option, I I like having the option to check all that may apply. I think it's fun. I dis and I dat and I diss and I dat. Oh, that one too. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 34:32

I love that you're you embrace all of you. Yeah, all of your culture, all of it. That's that's Maskin Robbins. Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 34:39

I love it. You know, we don't say high and 57 like we're gonna be able to do it. No, we don't. I want to bring it back. Go ahead, girl. Bring it back. I also learned that I cannot call myself a mutt outside of Minnesota. It means something different.

SPEAKER_00 34:52

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 34:53

In Florida, at least. What does it mean now there? I'm just curious. Like a like a like a busty. Oh. Like a bust down, like a um Okay.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

I don't even know what a busty is.

SPEAKER_01 35:06

Um a promiscuous girl.

SPEAKER_00 35:07

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 35:08

Yeah, yeah. That's looks a little busted down. A dirty birdie.

SPEAKER_00 35:12

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

Yeah, and I was like, oh no, no, I meant like a dog that has different types of dog in it. Yeah, like different types of dog. Breeds. The dog that's yeah, like I was thinking of it like that.

SPEAKER_02 35:23

Yeah. Okay. Only here in Minnesota. So we'll keep it that way. We'll keep it that way. I'm a gumbo. What do you hope listeners uh that are listening that you take away from this? What do you hope that they actually take away from this? Or any advice that you give on discovering the unexpected?

SPEAKER_01 35:41

I would hope that people get more curious about their history and their ancestry and learn more about their family. I think it's important to I think it's so important to continue the traditions. And like on my native side, like, you know, I learned the songs and the things that we need to do. I'm not gonna say all the things, but like I learned a lot of things, and I'm gonna pass that down to my kids. And I would hope that my kids would pass it down to theirs. And if you don't know the things, how can you have the things to pass them down? You can make your own things, right? You can make your own traditions, right? But you know, I think that it's really nice to know those.

SPEAKER_00 36:16

But that's how you share the family history too, to pass on the family traditions that that that have gotten suppressed or changed.

SPEAKER_02 36:22

Well, that's how we keep cultures alive and alive, yeah, because a lot of them have died by not passing them down in showing.

SPEAKER_01 36:31

I wish I spoke different languages. You and I both, I do too. If I did, I would teach the kids.

SPEAKER_02 36:36

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 36:36

Yeah, like I hate that they have taken our languages from us. It makes me real upset. Plus, like English isn't even in that great of a language. A lot of it doesn't make sense. Like on one. Yeah. One as in when.

SPEAKER_02 36:52

Yeah, well, you know, you guys are in that. And yeah, yeah, there's a whole bunch of different our our our English is uh it's hard to learn.

SPEAKER_01 36:59

It's rough if you're coming from somewhere else in China. It's actually easier for us to learn another language than it is from them to learn ours, and then we're all here hating on people for not speaking English. Um, our language isn't like the others.

SPEAKER_02 37:09

No, it's hard, it's hard, it's hard. And that's the one thing though, everybody in every other country they learn multiple languages, they know more than two. Like we can't even seem to get past our one. I wish that we would. I I would love, I wish I knew at least three or four languages.

SPEAKER_03 37:22

Yeah, I would love to know four.

SPEAKER_02 37:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:25

Would you give advice to anybody uh um if they wanted to choose to do this, you know, what to expect and how to work with a new knowledge.

SPEAKER_01 37:35

If you have any suspicions that there could be something weird or something traumatic that you might find out, maybe like hit a therapist first. Like it's funny, but I'm so serious. No, I I agree. I don't mean to laugh with you. As I'm over here like stimming out, rubbing my hand, like be humble about it. Therapy is important, especially when you are dealing with childhood trauma and weird family secrets and identity issues, meeting new family members, identity issues, all the things. Like, plus, like for me, I had like I got bullied as a kid. We don't need to get into that, we're almost done. But like, you know, like yeah, therapy is good when you're learning things about yourself.

SPEAKER_02 38:17

Yeah, yeah, that's my advice. Good advice. I think so. I think that's great advice. Yes, yes. I thank you so much for coming on. Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate you so much sharing the story. Hopefully, others out there that have listened. If um, in my mind, if we take one thing away from this, what I would like for you to take away is no matter what you find out from your culture and all of that, in the end, we all are still just the human race.

SPEAKER_00 38:43

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 38:44

One human race. One human race. All cultures and ethnicity do matter. They do. And and where you come from, it does. And it that that does shape who we are, but um, it doesn't change that we're all still we all bleed the same blood. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 38:58

That's a very good point.

SPEAKER_01 38:59

You cut us open, it all looks the same.

SPEAKER_02 39:01

It's not the same. Yeah, surgeons don't don't change their technique depending on your race. So yeah, so yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:07

So don't judge a book by its cover.

SPEAKER_02 39:09

No, that as well.

SPEAKER_01 39:10

Yeah, yes, and just be kind, be nice and sweet and kind to everybody.

SPEAKER_00 39:13

Yeah, love is love.

SPEAKER_01 39:15

Oh, everyone smiles in the same language. That's a very good point.

SPEAKER_00 39:19

Thank you very much for bringing that up again.

SPEAKER_02 39:20

Yes, yes, yes. So there we go. That's what we're gonna end with there. Everyone smiles in the same language.

SPEAKER_00 39:26

Pass it along. Thank you everybody for joining us. Yes, thanks. Be sure to go to our website, discopodcast.com, to find all the links to our our our media, or you can go to our Instagram, disco.podcast.

SPEAKER_02 39:39

All right, we'll see you next time. Thank you. Bye, everybody and BC.