Understanding Autism: A Parent's Perspective With Lisa Catton Ep 21

Understanding Autism: A Parent's Perspective with Lisa Catton Ep 21
April is Autism Acceptance Month, and this week on MomsWork, we’re having an honest, heartfelt conversation about what autism truly looks like within a family.
Kristin sits down with Lisa Catton — preschool teacher, mom of two, and wife to a husband on the autism spectrum — to talk about the beauty, challenges, and realities of raising and loving individuals with autism. Lisa shares her lived experience with openness and grace, offering insight into how autism shapes her parenting, her marriage, and her perspective on acceptance.
This episode goes beyond awareness. It’s about understanding, embracing differences, and recognizing the strengths that come with seeing the world in a unique way.
Whether you’re parenting on the spectrum, supporting someone who is, or simply looking to learn, this conversation will leave you feeling more informed, connected, and inspired.
 
In This Episode, We Talk About:
•When autism first became part of Lisa’s family’s story  
•What autism looks like in her children and her husband 
•The realities of sensory challenges in everyday life 
•Common misconceptions about autism 
•The balance between advocacy and fostering independence 
•The impact of autism on marriage and family dynamics 
•The most challenging — and most beautiful — parts of the journey 
•Supporting parents who are navigating diagnoses or uncertainty 
•What true acceptance looks like in schools, families, and communities 
 
Win & Challenge of the Week:
Lisa and Kristin share personal wins and challenges from their week — a reminder that progress, in any form, is worth celebrating.
 Final Questions including:
•One place Lisa has always wanted to travel
•Skill she’s always wanted to learn
•Biggest fear
•Biggest pet peeve
•And more! 

Fireside Stitchery: https://firesidestitchery.com/

A Note to Our Listeners:
If this episode resonates with you, know that you are not alone. Autism is not one story or one experience — every journey is different, and every story matters.
 
Connect with MomsWork:
Follow along for more conversations and behind-the-scenes moments:
📱 Instagram & Facebook: @MomsWorkPodcast
 
Listen & Subscribe:
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•Wherever you listen 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Welcome to the Mom's Work Podcast, where career meets motherhood and real life happens in between. Hi, I'm Kristen Weinrich, a working mom navigating the chaos, the career, the cooking, and yes, the crying. Each week we get real with moms making it work from classrooms to boardrooms and everything in between. No fluff, no judgment, just honest talk, helpful hints, and the support we all need. Whether you're listening while commuting, catching a break, or buried in laundry, you're in the right place. Welcome. You belong here. Welcome to Mom's Work. I'm your host, Kristen Weinrich, mom of two, teacher, and someone who knows that parenting rarely looks the way we imagined that it would. Today's episode is especially meaningful. April is autism acceptance or awareness, depending on your preference, month, and we're having an honest, heartfelt conversation about what autism really looks like inside a family, and not just from a professional lens, but from a lived one. Joining me today is Lisa Catton, wife, mom of two, preschool teacher, and self-proclaimed needlepoint enthusiast. Her world is beautifully layered. She's raising two children with autism and is also married to a husband on the autism spectrum. Today, she's here to share her family story, what she's learned, and how acceptance, not just awareness, changes everything. Lisa, I'm so grateful to have you here. I'm happy to be here too. Wonderful. Lisa, I'd love for you to introduce yourself to our listeners. Um, you know, tell us about your family, your work as a preschool teacher, anything else you would like us to know about you.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

Yeah, well, my name's Lisa Catton. Um, like Kristen said, I'm mom of two boys, Carter and Logan. Um, I'm married to Brian for 10 years. Um, we do have a crazy Portuguese water dog named Lola. Um and yeah, I um I have a non-traditional teaching background. I went to Eastern University for um elementary and early education. Okay. Um, and then while I was at Eastern, um, I worked at our priest, the preschool I work at now um as a teacher's aide. Um, and then I taught there afterward um while I was getting my first master's degree of sport management. Um did you say sports management? Yes. Oh, funny. Okay, right from that education. Okay. So I played field hockey in college and coached um at a local Christian school for a while. Um, and I just was really intrigued by the lifestyle of a student athlete um and just the idiosyncrasies of planning your life around classes, games, practices, um, and stuff like that. And so I actually stopped teaching and pursued a career in athletic academic services. Wow. So if you take a like a local division one university, okay, all the athletes have an academic advisor that is with their sport and not just their major. And so that that person's helping them with tutoring, making sure they're completing their their degree, um, and just making sure they're going to class. Interesting. And is that mostly just D1 that has mostly just D one. Some like Eastern now has someone in a job like that. Um, but it's mostly for more of the high-risk student athletes um than like academically high-risk student athletes um and stuff. So I did that for two years in um, I was actually in Memphis and Ohio. Oh wow. Um, and so and Ohio University, not Ohio State, because everyone always thinks I'm talking about Ohio State. I'm like, no, not that one. Not that one. Okay. Um, so I did that for two years and I just realized that lifestyle wasn't like really sustainable. Um, it's a lot of long hours um like monitoring study hall and just advising and just like I loved going to games and stuff like that, which was socially fine and like whatnot, but it was just like a lot of long hours and just you didn't have a life. Um so I and I actually came home because it was during the recession of 2008, okay. Um 2009, 2010, that area. Um, so I came home back to Philly and I actually felt the lead to go into full-time sports ministry. So I've been in like full-time sports ministry for like thir 13 no 15 years this year. Um but I went part-time two years ago, and then I felt when I had Logan, and then I felt called to go back into teaching.

SPEAKER_00 4:32

Um can you talk just for a second about what um the athletic ministry is?

SPEAKER_01 4:37

Yeah. So um I work for the Fellowship of Christian athletes. Um, it's a pretty predominant sports ministry, um, if you're for if anybody is familiar. Um, and we get Bible, we run camps over the summer. Um, so and they're biblically based, and sport-based and biblically based. Okay, if it makes sense. Yeah. Um, and it's more of like I usually with like non-denominational Christian type background. Um, but we usually anybody can come. Um and we also get Bible studies in local schools that are all student-led. Um so for athletes. So like students like lead a Bible study in school for athletes and stuff like that. So um, so yeah, I do that actually at our our our local high school. Um so I was there this morning.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

Um I didn't actually know that that was a thing, so that's really interesting to hear about.

SPEAKER_01 5:21

Yeah, so I've been doing that for a while. I I was on more campuses for when I was full-time, but now I only do two campuses. Okay. Um, just being part-time, so it's like very part-time. Yeah, um, but yeah, just enough, just enough to keep it in just enough to keep me like attached and enjoy it and not be burnt out by it. Yeah, and maybe sometime you could go a little more if you wanted to. Maybe I will. I don't know. I'm very settled where I am. Yeah, yeah. So um, but yeah, but then with my boys diagnosis, I was just and I was just feeling the itch to do something different. Um, and I was like, well, I have education degrees, and I was like kind of like, but my I let my certs lapse. Okay. And I was just kind of like, what like what can I do? Yeah. And then I thought about it like that was flexible. And I was thinking about it, and I was like, Well, I loved like our therapists that we had and stuff, and I was like, our special ed therapists were amazing, and I was like, I know I could do what they do. Yeah, and so I was just like, why don't I just go back and get a master's in special ed that would cover my like courses, like my my act 48 stuff.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

So I was like, I could do that and then um like work in early intervention or for the intermediate unit or something like that. So that is my goal. Um, but for the time being so that's in progress. Yes. Well, I'm done my master's, but like because I it's more childcare purposes. Um, I can't I need to wait until Logan is out of preschool to that rehive more regular.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

Well more time. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

More time. I understand that. Uh-huh. So so for the time being, I teach two-year-olds. Um bless you.

unknown 7:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

They are adorable. I love them. I bet they are. Um, so yeah. So I mean, but my special ed degree, and not saying like a lot of the things and the tricks of the trade, I guess I learned from special ed and just like from all my early or early intervention training and stuff like that has really helped. Um, so yeah. So it's just it's been great. I love it. So it's like my first year back teaching in a really long time. Yeah. But I really enjoy being back in the classroom.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

That's great. And I love how all of your degrees kind of don't feel like they would fit together, but yes, they do. They come together in some way, shape, or form.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

I have to tell you how to run a like a baseball game somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 7:48

Right. And be nice about it. Well, it you're making me laugh saying you teach the two-year-olds because I I love kids of all ages, clearly. But you know, as a fourth grade teacher, like anybody below second grade, I'm like, like I've done it all in like the last 23 years. But you know, like whenever we see the kindergartners, my fourth graders laugh because I'm like, they're so cute. And they're like, you don't want to teach them, do you? I'm like, nope. I love saying hello to them in the hallway, but I am not patient enough. I think kindergarten and first grade teachers, like, I bow down to them. The two-year-old teachers, like, I don't even know what to say to you. You deserve some kind of a medal.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

Every single time we walk down the hallway, all the older kids are always like, they're so cute. You're like, You're four. Yeah, I'm like, you're four. Your kids are like four, but they're siblings. Yeah, yeah. They're like the big kids.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

I'm like, I know they're cute. They sure are. They are they're cute. That's sure they're cute. Well, thank you for telling us that. And I have just a couple more questions for you. Uh, so we can get to know you a little bit better. Um, and when did autism first become a part of your family story?

SPEAKER_01 8:51

Um, so it actually started when I was dating my husband. Um, so we actually met on eHarmony. Okay. Um, so I don't know if that app is still around. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

My husband and I met on one too, and I can't even remember which one it was. Like, okay, Cupid, or I don't know. But yeah, I don't know. I'm glad I sorry to those who are. I'm glad I don't have to be on those apps anymore. It's not as fun as it seems.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

Yeah, it doesn't seem fun anymore. Um and I have a couple of like single friends in their in our 40s, and I'm just kind of like I don't envy you. Sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry. Don't envy you, friends. Um, but yeah, so we went on our first date and I and everything was fine. We had a great first date. Um, but then on our second date, he um opened up and told me he had autism spectrum disorder. Okay. Um, and I didn't, to be honest, didn't really think much of it. Um just because he was he's a successful in his career, right? Um, and he seemed pretty independent and stuff like that and successful. So I didn't really think anything of it. I was just kind of like, maybe there's some social quirks there, but we all have our own social quirks. We sure um I didn't really think much of it at the time. Okay. Besides maybe like his schooling could have been different and stuff like that and whatnot, just based off of my educational background. Um, but it also showed me that okay, you can be diagnosed with autism and be really successful. Love that. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 10:19

And he was diagnosed with autism before, you know, I don't want to say it became cool, that's not what I mean, but I mean before it was the thing today. But I mean, you know, you didn't hear about people who were autistic until I mean, I don't remember hearing it as a child, it probably wasn't even until I was in college, you know, in education classes. So, you know, you probably with your background you knew what it meant, but right, it was like rare to know anybody who was our age who had it. So that's interesting. Um, and then so did it change your kind of perspective or understanding once you knew and were falling in love with someone who had autism?

SPEAKER_01 10:59

Um, yes and no. Like I didn't, I I wouldn't like you didn't think it didn't was like a daily thing that you thought Yeah, it wasn't something daily that like we were dealing with or like working through at all. I think it it really became more a part of our story, I think. Not that his autism diagnosis doesn't matter, um, but it I think it really became more of our story when our son Carter, because he was born in 2019, okay, and uh then COVID hit. Um and so it was doctors' visits were weird. Um, just uh anybody who's lived through the pandemic or has maybe had a baby through the pandemic would know that all that stuff was really awkward and not normal. Um so I didn't really notice anything with him. I also just didn't know what signs of autism were because like I didn't when when I was in college was right around the time when they were saying to you, like when I was graduating, they were like, Oh, you should get a master's in special ed right away.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Yeah, I remember that. It was kind of like you should do it. And that was like the thing to do. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

And I was like, I don't want to teach anymore. I was gonna go into sports, so I was like, it didn't matter to me, but here I am today, I got one anyway. Um, so I I wasn't just really I took my special ed class that I needed to take, did my hours in special ed, and was kind of like I check marked I completed that task. Yeah, um, I I to be honest, had no desire to work in special ed like at the time. Um, I think it's just because everything was so separated from what I've observed in my like middle school and um high school schooling that I just knew I was like that that's not my calling. Yeah. Um and so, but like as we were going through all the well visits and stuff like that, he wasn't talking. And so that was a concern. Um, and I had got together with a family friend and I was telling her about I'm just nervous, he's not talking, I don't know what to do. I don't know if it has to do with the pandemic and us not socializing and stuff like that. Um, just gener like gen generating theories of why he could not be talking. Yeah. Um, and she was like, I really think you should call the intermediate unit to see if you can get speech therapy. And I was like, I like went home, did it right away. Yes. Um, and ironically, he passed the first time really evaluated. Okay. Um, and this was on Zoom too, so they're not interacting with him in person or anything like that. So it was just like really weird and awkward. Yeah, and then I later found out he only passed by two points. Oh, but no one mentioned that.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

So no one mentioned that.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

Okay. Yeah, so he squeaked by. How did they end it? Did they end it with like call us back in three months, or were they like wash their hands of it? Okay, so they I mean, I don't mean it like that, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

So they they said call back in three months if you still have concerns. They gave they gave you like I'm just gonna say tips or ways that you could help um increase his language. So, like if he wants a snack offering him choices. Um, if you're reading a book, and I do this with my two-year-olds too, like when I'm reading books, like stopping at a word he may know um when you're reading a book to see if he can fill it in. I saw um, so like I did that reading brown bear, brown bear the other day with my class. And like they could, because they pretty much all know the book, they could they were able to fill it in pretty easily, but like I was just doing it to see who who who could fill it in and stuff. Um, but yeah, and that was not happening like at all. Um we had a lot more tantrums and it just became a lot harder for him to communicate. Um, so I called back and I actually said he's worse.

SPEAKER_02 14:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

Um, and so then he got reevaluated right away. And um, I never and he failed.

SPEAKER_00 14:42

So you would you would you were like saw that coming.

SPEAKER_01 14:46

Yeah, and then I started crying because it's like you would never think that you would cry over your kid failing something in your life, like like like being happy about him failing something in your life. Right because he got he like I knew he needed the services and he was being granted the services. Yes. Um, so yeah, and then from there, because we were still in the pan, we were still kind of we were still in the pandemic. So therapists were allowed to come to your house, but they had like masks and all this our stuff. Well, we hadn't really had anybody in our house, and he wouldn't let anybody in our house except grandparents.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

That makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 15:20

So he was like, No, I don't know you, strange lady. You will not come into this house and would throw massive fits. Um he would only talk to her if we were out on our deck, okay, um, and stuff. So then she was like, I think we should get occupational therapy. And I was like, Okay. I was like, sure, yeah, why not? Let's do it, do it all. Let's do it. And then she was like, I think because of your husband's background, we should probably get him tested for autism. And at first I was kind of like about it. Yeah. Um, because we were in a pandemic and uh maybe I was just being naive. Um Right, and he was only really with you, and like you said, your parents and right. Yeah, and we didn't know the effects of like what the pandemic would have like on people yet. Like, so I was kind of just like nonchalantly going, I think he'll be fine once the pandemic's over, which was which like I am saying is naive, but um, but we didn't know But also it's hard to you know, you have that hope, like no, everything will be fine after.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

Like you know, everything will be fine. It's we'll just wait for the pandemic and or like it won't happen to you.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

Like this isn't gonna happen to you. Absolutely. Um so yeah, so then we got him, so like this was like so. Then it was like the summer. We were just about to start preschool, or like we were in the like we were like just starting preschool. Okay, and he got evaluated. Um, like we had done all the meet the teacher stuff and like whatnot, and I had said, like, just so you know, like he's getting evaluated. Um, thankfully, his teacher was uh a teacher I was an aide for when I was in college. So perfect. So you know and her son had has a diagnosis too, so it was very um very just like open and stuff like that, very supportive. Um so yeah, so then we went through it was all through Zoom, it was very weird again, um, not in person or anything. And you're kind of thinking, like, how are they making this diagnosis over the internet? Right. Um, but they did, they did. So they did. Um, and I was still, I'm gonna be honest, I was still in denial a little bit, kind of like just because of the pandemic and stuff like that. Right. Um, but then like once I like went through some like initial, they they recommend you like go on like a Zoom call with like parents, like new diagnoses and stuff.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

Um, and then like once I got on there and then I started going through more therapies and stuff like that with him, I started realizing, okay, this is like really a thing. It's a thing. Um so yeah, so then I was kind of like more accepting and just being like, okay, like how can like we make him successful?

SPEAKER_00 17:48

And was that I feel like even though your husband is on the spectrum, that would still be a hard like did you have a hard time like a grieving process or just more of that in denial until you like how would you describe that?

SPEAKER_01 18:05

I I compartmentalize a lot. Okay. Um whatever works. Um yeah, so but um I think I like grieved for like a little bit, but I'm also just the type of person like let's get done what we need to get done. Yeah, let's keep going. Like, let's like this is our this is where we're at right now. This is what we need to get done. I want to get him talking.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

Had an amazing example of like this is gonna be okay. Like, you know, here's his dad. It's gonna be okay. We've got we've got some things to go through. And if I can just I'm saying yes to everything you're saying because I actually know what you're talking about. My daughter is the same age as your son. She does not have an autistic um, she does not have an autism diagnosis. She doesn't really have a diagnosis of any kind, but she had a rough first three, four years. I mean, she had torticalis, which is so she had like the helmet, she had a tongue tie, but we also we I'm really plugging the Chester County intermediate unit and really any, I guess any other that's where I want to work. I mean, I have to say if you are a Chester County intermediate unit employee, I bow down to you because we got her, she didn't get a diagnosis, but she was given services of OTPT and then speech eventually six months later. And um, they diagnosed it in person because it was in January of 2020. And then we, like you said, we did OTPT and speech starting in March for two years, and all that happened for her was that she got better and better and stronger and stronger. And I give them all the credit. And I also have to say, and you probably agree with this, we had, I think her daycare, like she was my second, she was so easy. We're like, she's not really rolling over, but it's okay. You know, we we've done this before, we're so chill, you know. And and then her daycare did kind of like a standardized like milestone check. And we took it to our doctor, and again, I love him too. He was like, you know what? If you have concerns, he's like, we don't not they don't get into it, but he was like, if you have concerns, call the intermediate unit. He was like, Don't waste time with us, like you know, he and and that was wonderful advice. And we called them and we got the services, and good for them. So you probably feel the same way. But yes, we did all the things on Zoom, and somehow those wonderful therapists did it. So I wonder if we had some of the same therapists because we don't live very far away from each other.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

Oh anyway, I I'm still in touch with all of our therapists, like we're friends with.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

We had two Miss Diana's, we had Miss Talia, we had, you know, we we had them all. Um, but yeah, that I they I cannot say enough about the intermediate unit. And so, listeners, if you do have concerns, I think Lisa would agree.

SPEAKER_01 20:43

I believe you're an intermediate unit. Whatever intermediate unit in whatever county, at least in Pennsylvania, that you use all the service I would contact and use whatever service they give you because they are typically free.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

Yeah, and they're and they're fabulous.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

And yes, and they're there to help your child.

SPEAKER_00 20:58

Yes, and and take the service so it makes it easier for them as they get older. Look at us, we're done. No, there's our commercial. Moving on. All right. So let's talk before we get more into the conversation about autism. Let's talk about our win and challenge of the week. Do you want to start with a win or a challenge? What do you feel like?

SPEAKER_01 21:15

I wasn't, I'll do a win. Okay, a win was uh a win, is that spring break is next week. It's gonna be part of my win. Hallelujah. Yes. Um, and that I'm sending Carter to soccer camp in the morning because I don't want him in the house. Yeah. Um, and Logan's going the behavioral therapy, which is like pretty much just playing with the ball pit and stuff like that for him for a couple mornings a week. So I get some free time.

SPEAKER_02 21:41

Fabulous.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

So that's fabulous. That's gonna be my win. So I'm really looking forward tomorrow being over at twelve thirty.

SPEAKER_00 21:48

Yes. And then you can just start the break. And we this will probably release on April 7th. I'm thinking. So we'll spring break will be behind us, but it's also my win of the week. And uh yeah. Yeah, we are, we are, I can say it because we'll be back, but we are taking a trip. We're gonna go see a friend who lives in Cincinnati before he and his family move. But my other part of the win is that my birthday is next Tuesday, March 31st. So happy birthday. Oh, well, thanks. 22 again. Um, but I'm I'm turning 45 and I'm realizing, you know, when I was in my 20s and 30s, and women would be like, I'm in my 40s. I don't care. Once you hit 50, you just don't care anymore. And I'm like, yeah, here go the old ladies. And now I am one of the old ladies, and I have to say, I do feel not secure in myself, confident in myself. I mean, are there things I would like to change? 100%. But I do feel like in terms of like worrying about what other people think, in terms of like being confident in the decisions I make for myself and my family and being happy with where I am in life, I do feel like there is, I don't know how old you are, Lisa, but there is a comment. I'm your age.

SPEAKER_01 22:58

I'm 40, I'm gonna be 43.

SPEAKER_00 22:59

Right. So we're all in our 40s. Yeah. Um, you know, and I just feel like there is that, you know, even though I rolled my eyes about it 10, 15 years ago, I do feel like there is a little something, a little, you know, sass in a good way that comes with being in your 40s and kind of feeling settled and being like, yeah, I'm I'm I'm doing okay. So I'm like, I'm good. Now if we round to the nearest 10, I don't know how I feel about that on the 50, but um uh I'm 44 today, so we're good. But um, yeah, so that I I think that's kind of my win. So 45 over spring break, looking forward to it.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:31

Um, and did you have a challenge, or it was just a winning for you?

SPEAKER_01 23:34

It's this is kind of like a funny challenge. So baseball schedule for six years old, I have the first six-year-old.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

I literally have baseball written down.

SPEAKER_01 23:43

Okay, so I'm like, we did quick ball. Like quick ball is like twice a week. No practices, nothing. I'm like, I'm all good with this, you know, like whatever.

SPEAKER_00 23:51

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

Now we have a practice and two games. And let me tell you, some of our games, I like 5 15 on a Friday. Like Melbourne City, right? So I will be leaving the car line, going to get pizza, eating the pizza in the car, resting in the uniform in the car.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

And pray that he doesn't puke and just be like and everybody's crying and everybody's tired. And yes. I'm just like, oh it's and they like thank God they love it because I am a self-proclaimed, like, not really a big sports person. I have become one because my children and my husband love sports, love Philadelphia sports. I I'm all for Philadelphia, but I said to my husband, like, he showed me my daughter's playing softball, my son is playing baseball, and he's coaching or assistant coaching both of them. And he showed me the schedule. And I was like, I don't really well, he showed me the schedule and I was like, Are you kidding me? And he's like, Kristen, you knew this when we signed up. And I'm like, but I didn't really ever want it to happen. I'm like, what if we like, what if there's like a really nice day, like a Saturday, and I want to go to the zoo. And he like looked at me and he's like, We have baseball. I'm like, oh, like I and I my children love it, and so I want to love it for them. But for a very long time, people will be like, Oh, do you have like Ollie in soccer? And I'm like, no, there is gonna come a point in time where we cannot delay the sports anymore, and our weekends will be and weeks, quite honestly, will be predicted and and determined by the sports schedule.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

And I did not want to rush that, and like here we are, and I'm like, okay, so I purposely didn't sign up, Logan, for quick ball because he's technically quick ball age, but he's not gonna be four till August. So we'll just hold off on that. I was like, since you're not gonna even be four during the season, then we will hold off on that. We'll just wait. Like, I don't need to add that, but he keeps saying baseball, baseball, baseball. And I'm just like, you can play in the backyard. Play in the backyard.

SPEAKER_00 25:45

I'm sorry, Brett. And I know there are parents who love it. And I like I've said five times, I love that my children love it, and I love seeing them so passionate about it. But like, yeah, if we could do like not 11:30 and then 1:30 every Saturday and Sunday, I'm like, so it's right in the middle of the day, and that's that's the weekend.

SPEAKER_01 26:04

So I'm just thankful that I have some moms that I know that are on our team so then I can socialize. That is helpful, yes.

SPEAKER_00 26:10

And my husband was like, also, when we go to all these practices, like I can bring both kids with Bell, he said, you know, he'd take the older one to the younger one's practice, and I'm like, okay, but like we could be going somewhere fun that day. But anyway, moving on. I'm gonna stop complaining. You're back happy. They like being part of a team, but I like my weekends. But anyway, okay, moving on. So here we go, Lisa. For parents who are new, so we were talking about kind of how your your reaction and your grieving process and you're like, but let's just check it off, get you know, let's get through it, let's help him. Um, oh, I meant to ask when Logan was born, did you just kind of go? Did you see the same things? I guess because you have two children. How did yeah, did that follow the same path?

SPEAKER_01 26:53

So no. Okay. Um, sorry, my dog's barking. That's great. Um, what was it? No, I would say Logan was more social, um and more engaged um with people. Um, and he was playing with toys normally. Um, whereas Carter like always lined things up. He wasn't playing. He wasn't um now that I look back, I'm like, oh duh, you did have autism. Yeah, the line sounds like a giveaway. But I mean, that's fine. You you you teach your own. Um but Logan wasn't doing any of those behaviors. Okay. Um his main thing was that he started talking and then he all a he kind of like had a couple words and then he kind of stopped. Um so I was I wasn't thinking autism, I was just thinking we need speech. So okay, okay. Um, so I contacted the IU immediately about speech. Um and then, but they were kind of like more going like, let's do special education, because that kind of teaches you. And I wasn't worried about that. I was like, I just want him to talk, like let's do speech. Right, right. Um, but then they were like, because of you think they were thinking autism, like right away. I don't know. I haven't really been told that. Um, but I was kind of talking like I didn't think he had autism. Right, right. So um, and then what was it? And then they were just like, because your family history, like let's just like kind of um like speed him through the autism process. Like sometimes it can take months to get in. Right. So wait, Carter was how old when he was diagnosed officially? Carter was just turned two. And how about Logan? Um, Logan was like 20 months or so.

SPEAKER_00 28:35

So not too too far off.

SPEAKER_01 28:37

Yeah, not too far off. Okay. Um, but like we had our previous experiences, so it was just kind of like he was more like a high alert. Yeah, they were like, let's just okay, let's just do it. All right, so I was I was still a naive, sorry, I was still naive about it even going to get him tested.

SPEAKER_02 28:53

Right.

SPEAKER_01 28:53

Um, and then when they started doing the evaluation and doing the playing and doing all the stuff that they were asking him to do, I was sitting there and I was like, Oh, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:08

And was it did that hit you harder or the same or different? Or it was more just because you were kind of surprised again.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

Yeah, I was surprised. It was more just like um, why would I have two kids that have all of them? Um like why to be frank, I guess, and just honest, like why wouldn't why would I have one and not like one autistic one and one normal one? And I'm not like normal. Um neurotypical. Neurotypical, yeah. Um, and I'm and I'm not saying that to like like with um I think that would be anybody's. I think that would be anybody's like why couldn't I have like one neurotypical kid? Like I already have like one neurodivergent, like why or like um diverse. Um, why can't I have a neurotypical kid? Um, it was more from that vantage point.

SPEAKER_00 30:02

Um that feels like a very normal mother parent reaction. I mean, I don't think that that comes across even if you're like I shouldn't have that thought, I think everybody would.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

So you know, and like even like I was literally on the phone with someone right afterward, and she was like, Are you serious? Like other people were like, Thank you. That's all helpful. Other people were in denial that he was, yeah, yeah. Um, and couldn't believe it. Um but then I think but I feel like as you get the diagnosis and as you start going through processes and seeing things from that lens, you start to realize, oh, this is real. Okay. Like um, I started really seeing it a lot more when he got into school. Um interesting. Okay. And he because I felt like he was thriving everywhere else. Um, but like Carter also like started preschool not talking, but he started talking in like December. Okay. Um and uh Logan did not talk his entire first year of school. Okay. Um did he talk at home or he wasn't talking at all? No, he was non, I I guess uh you would say he was non-verbal. Okay. Um his entire first so all last year in school he was two, now he's three. Um, he was non-verbal the entire school year. Okay. Um and Carter was pretty successful in preschool without an aid. Okay. Um, and Logan clearly needed an aid after the first day. Oh wow. Yeah. Um so we were working on that.

SPEAKER_00 31:26

Are you provide that for you?

SPEAKER_01 31:28

Or not really? It's more like through a behavioral um behavioral therapy organization. Okay, just the name like a helping hands, that's like a local one. Um we we go to we don't use a we well, they're in Montgomery County, but we use another organization that was recommended um by a family friend. Okay. Um and so it was more contact. We are Carter was already seeing them and they knew of Logan's diagnosis. Um, and I so I already had Logan on their wait list. Gotcha. Um and a blessing in disguise. I literally called them crying and was like, when's he getting off the wait list? We need someone ASAP at school. Yeah. Um, and then they were like, I was literally just about to call you. He got off the wait list today. There it is. You're like, okay, all right, universe. I was like, okay, this is great. Yeah, that made you feel a little better. Okay. Yeah, but then that also comes with a lot of um emotional baggage too, because with behavioral therapy, if like we weren't getting it through the IU, so it wasn't given. And I've learned some things that I want to implement in his next IEP. Okay. But um insurance doesn't cover like certain things, right? And one of them was in school, and so then you learn all about Medicaid and like different Medicaids and stuff like that, and like we were never informed of this like one met different form of Medicaid. Oh, interesting. Okay. So now I'm like very advocate, like there's Medicaid and then there's behavioral care, like community care. Oh, interesting.

SPEAKER_00 32:56

Okay. Um my daughter was even eligible for Medicaid um through the state, but and that covered a lot of it, covered the helmet, it covered the, you know, but I it wouldn't have, I guess it wouldn't cover you're saying behavioral stuff.

SPEAKER_01 33:12

Yeah, like so like you need to so like our insurance would cover the behavioral therapy at home and in their behavioral center, but it wouldn't cover school. It just to me doesn't really make sense. Yeah. Um, as a teacher, it just really boggles my mind. Yeah, yeah. That's like where I think kids need it the most. Right. Um, we like I see it all the time. And I'm just kind of like, why wouldn't they cover in school? And I have fought with many insurance agents. It has been it, it was very um what's it called? Um, I can't think of the word. I'm blanking. Just parent hiring. Yeah, yeah, hiring. Yeah. Oh yes. And um, so yeah, but we eventually got it back. We got it back this year. We did have a blip again where it happened this year. Yeah, but we knew what to do. Yeah, we knew what to do. Um interesting. So it got solved, and now it's it hopefully will never happen again.

SPEAKER_00 34:03

Okay, and now people know you can look for all different different Medicaids if you need it. All right, so Medicaids. So now that yeah, right, get do the first one, keystone first, and then the other one. Um for so okay, now so we know how yours kind of looked, your diagnosis. For parents who are new and are either starting out with the with the um evaluations or have just gotten um uh diagnosis, what what would you say to them, or how would you explain it in a way that feels approachable and real and you know, kind of what is coming up for them, or how to process the feelings, or you know, what would you say if somebody said my son just got diagnosed with autism?

SPEAKER_01 34:42

Um, I would I I really you really asked some thought-provoking questions. So I was really sitting there and just like really thinking about it. I've talked to friends about stuff, but and I've said things, but I was like, how can I like really put this together what I've said to friends? Yeah. Um and I was just saying that there isn't anything like wrong with your child. Right. It's just that they they their brain works in a different way um than a neural typical person would. Um, and so just this just to think about they're experiencing the world in a different way than we are. Okay, um, whether it's through sounds, um, through the way they communicate, whether they're verbal or non-verbal, maybe they use like an AAC device, which is like a talking iPad. Yeah, those are incredible. Yeah, which Logan used for a little bit, um, and or they play differently than others, or just like how they respond and talk to others. They're just they just socially might communicate in a different way. And just to look at that, it just be more open to that, um, and learning that. Um, and also just like they also have like wonderful strengths like with come along with them. Sure. Um, and they like the things Carter remembers right.

SPEAKER_00 35:58

He said he knows the names of all the teachers in the school and they're like everybody.

SPEAKER_01 36:02

Like so and so does this club, and I'm just like, oh, okay. Oh the first yeah, like we're talking about all the first grade teachers and like whatnot. And he's just like, Oh, that first grade teacher does this club because our one therapist knows one of the first grade teachers. And he was like, He was like, Oh, I may want her next year. And I was like, Well, you may not get her.

unknown 36:22

May not get to pick.

SPEAKER_00 36:23

Sorry, friends.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

That's really funny. Sorry, buddy.

SPEAKER_00 36:26

Yeah, but he'll know what club she's running, so there you go.

SPEAKER_01 36:29

Yeah, but I'm glad you know she runs this club. I don't think you want to do that club, but I'm glad you know she runs that club. He's on um, and yeah, and that they just might need like extra support with things, like, but just needing it in that is going to seem overwhelming in the beginning. Like it, I don't sugarcoat it, it does. Adding OT speech and maybe another outsource speech and other therapies is overwhelming. Um, it can feel like it can take over your schedule. I'm not gonna lie. Um, but I feel like once you get into a groove in it and then you start to see the benefits of it, then you start to be like, we can do this.

SPEAKER_00 37:08

Right, it's worth that's worth the time and effort.

SPEAKER_01 37:10

It's worth the time and energy. And I'm seeing that in Carter.

SPEAKER_00 37:14

Great, that's great though. So yeah, that's really great. And and you were even saying between your two sons that it presents a little bit differently. So, what does it look like for your kids and what does it look like for your husband?

SPEAKER_01 37:27

Yeah, so for my spectrum, because it's you know, it's a spectrum. It's like it's funny because someone, I'm not I'm gonna butcher how they said this, but someone like kind of put it out as like a line, and it's almost like you could have all these characteristics on this line of like autism spectrum disorder, right? No one is going to meet every single characteristic of autism spectrum disorder. Like they're gonna get maybe this one, this one, and this one, but so it's like a buffet. Yeah, it's just like let's just grab some traits of that.

SPEAKER_00 37:58

Well, that's like they're there's that saying too that's like if you know one person with autism, you know one person with autism. You don't know everybody with autism because they're different just like everybody else in the whole world. Like it's you know, it's not not a universal thing.

SPEAKER_01 38:13

And and I got told by like a parent in our class the other day, like Carter is the sweetest kid ever. I would never know. I she was like, I don't know what's up with him, like you say, but she was like, but she was like, he's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 38:27

And do you take that as a compliment or do you take that as like a like how do you take that?

SPEAKER_01 38:32

Um I was I responded to her um kind of frank, not mean, but I was just like, I'm uh I'm really glad he you think he's awesome. I mean, I think he's awesome too. He's my son, but uh also like it shows in different ways at home. Right? Yeah, like it does with any kid, yeah which which then makes me feel sometimes that saying those things sometimes makes me feel a little insecure sometimes because I have friends whose daughter might tantrum all the time or um or have a hard time with something else, and so that seems similar to what I go through and um or like what uh you do you mean friends with autism or without like kids out without right? Yeah, so it's just hard to navigate conversations sometimes. Interesting, yeah. Um sometimes I feel like the only way I can like really connect is that like, oh, we have to go to these therapies, or we have an IEP meeting.

SPEAKER_00 39:33

And you were saying you're very open about it in a conversation like that to somebody you don't know who compliments your child, would you be like, Oh, thank you? He has autism, or would you just say, Oh, thanks? Like, like how do you I mean, because I guess in a way it could feel like a gotcha, but or it could feel like a I'm just explaining for my child, advocating for my child. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 39:56

I yeah, I I don't I don't I honestly don't think I've really been in that situation yet. Okay, okay, or someone didn't know. Okay. Um, because I feel like at school, like you always get asked, oh, does your kid do this program? Or like does your kid does my kid know your child from if they're not in the same class, do they know each other from after school? Something else. Okay. Something else. Um, and then I have to say no, but he has sped in the afternoon.

SPEAKER_00 40:23

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 40:23

And I'm like in the afternoon. So you don't feel like you have to defend it or justify it.

SPEAKER_00 40:28

No, I don't think I do.

SPEAKER_01 40:30

Um, I do feel bad sometimes that he's going all day for free.

SPEAKER_00 40:34

Yeah, you get the whole day.

SPEAKER_01 40:37

I get the whole day. And some people don't have that um option. So um, but yeah, so sometimes I feel like I have to hold back a little bit. Like I don't like want people to be like, oh, he goes all day.

SPEAKER_00 40:48

Oh, and you're like, well, let me explain this a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 40:51

Let me explain he has OT and speech and behavioral therapy.

SPEAKER_00 40:56

And use it for Logan, it's there's not as much talking.

SPEAKER_01 41:00

Yeah. Um, yeah, so Carter, it shows sorry, Carter it shows more like hyperactivity. Okay. Um, and um, he wasn't talking either, so that was pretty given. Both of them, they weren't talking right away, so that was always a given. But Carter is pretty competitive, and um, I mean, most kids who like sports and stuff like that are competitive, but just like the way you handle your frustrations and stuff like that. Um, I've noticed is um different, at least I've noticed in other autistic um friends and stuff like that as well. Um, and just like being able to trigger that or ha harness that okay teach like the skills and strategies. Yeah, like the skills and strategies and how to harness your frustration and different ways to cope with your frustration, like not growing something.

SPEAKER_00 41:44

Um it's good. And is he pretty teachable, trainable with I know that you know there are social skills and all these things. Like, is does he kind of learn from it and is able to put it into practice, or does it take years or months, or I mean, like with any kid?

SPEAKER_01 42:00

Yeah, I mean, I think it's taken. I was actually told at our behavioral therapy because he graduated behavioral therapy after like I mean, and he was moving on the school anyway. Um but they were like, Yeah, he's like the prize student in social skills, and I'm like Okay then, okay then thank you sounds good. I'm glad he's like running the social skills ribbon of that's right, of doing great. Yeah, that's great. So yeah, so I feel like he gets it after a bit, okay. Um, and knows how and he's been learning how to apply things. Like, I think he does absorb things. I mean, obviously, do we all fall apart? Yes, of course. Um, so like obviously he does have his moments. Um, but and figuring out his sensory needs are more like in movement and high energy. Okay. Um, so that's like we're at least n currently.

SPEAKER_00 42:46

Um meaning he needs a lot of movement and energy, getting his energy out and stuff. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 42:51

Yeah, like we are on a trampoline a lot at home. Okay. Um, type of thing. Um and stuff where like we need to go outside and like ride our bike and go to a playground.

SPEAKER_00 43:01

But you know that, so that's great. I mean, then you can kind of make it happen for him.

SPEAKER_01 43:05

Yeah, but he also likes the rest and recharge too. Like sometimes he's just like, I don't want to do anything, I just want to play on my like tablet, and I just like want to chill. And I'm like, that's what works. That's good. Like, I'm no shame on the tools that we are given in like no, not um, and then Logan more had a longer speech delay, and I kind of went into Logan thinking, Oh, well, Carter started talking in December, Logan will start talking in December because we're doing the same thing. And that did not happen. Um he um went through the whole school year not talking. He needed an aid, like a behavioral therapist, to help him throughout school with transitions, um, sitting in his seat, um, and just like learning like I mean, all two year olds like sh can struggle with sitting in their seat, like sitting still and stuff like that, generally, anyway. Um but like just typical things that you would be able to do, he could do at home, but was struggling with it. School in a different environment, moving from room to room. Okay. Um, and he it's funny because now that he he just started talking, we got him an AAC device, which is like a talking iPad for anybody who doesn't know what those are. Yeah, they're great. Um, and we got one of those over the summer for him after a lot of research and um talking to another uh I I actually called a friend who's a speech therapist, and I was like, I need you to talk to me as a friend of a who's a speech therapist. Not like a client, yeah, like an actual client. Right. And I was like, the research says that this will help him talk. Okay. And I was like, is that true? And she was like, Yes, I've seen it in a kid exactly like um, and and then I was like, Okay. So then we went through the process, got it over the summer, um, and it he loved it. That was so fun. Yeah. Um, we still play with it sometimes at breakfast, even though we don't need it. Um, and he then like in September to October this year, really started talking.

SPEAKER_00 45:02

Interesting. Um what was there anything that like made it happen, or he just one day kind of I think one day it just like came out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:10

And now you know everything he's saying because now he will not be quiet. Um, like and some of the people in our office at our school laugh because he has a sensory thing with wind. So he doesn't want to go outside when it's movie. Um, and when we had a blip without a one-on-one, he would like go into the office like when they would go outside, okay, just because he just want to go in the wind. Um, and so he would like play with some toys in there, and apparently he talked their ear off for 20 minutes. Talk and talk and talk and talked and they were like, Does he talk this much at home? And I was like, No, he just had an audience sometimes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:52

Isn't that but isn't that great? Like, how great is that that you know, you know, didn't happen, and then it did.

SPEAKER_01 45:58

Yeah, and I was like, Well, he wasn't talking three months ago, and they were like, That's true, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 46:03

And my daughter had speech therapy too, and we always joke, like, because she same thing, like she talks non-stop now. And we're like, remember when she didn't have opinions? Yeah, and I'm like, everybody was making up for that like year and a half that she didn't talk, she's been making up for it for the last five and a half years. Like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 46:22

Now this teacher laughs because like we have like a like a garden in our school, and like we have a teacher for it, and it's like you learn about different animals and all that stuff. And uh, he is now up, so he doesn't like outside garden time because of the wind, it could be windy, got it, but he loves inside garden time, and he loved learning about animals that hibernate and birds and stuff like that, and so now he talks to everybody about chipmunks and about um whales and how they hibernate, but he particularly is obsessed with the chipmunks and currently obsessed with robins, and when we see a robin outside, he's like, I want to go pet the robin.

SPEAKER_00 47:01

And I'm like, it's probably a flyway from you. But you think like, you know, you wouldn't it be so interesting to be able to get inside their heads and be like, What were you thinking all this time? And you couldn't tell us, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 47:13

They're oh yeah, it's like it's like I'm like, it's now coming out, and I'm like, is that like what you were wondering?

SPEAKER_00 47:19

Yeah, like is that and you're like, they probably were saving it all that time. I'm gonna ask them when I get it out. Um, oh, and your husband, what does it look like for him?

SPEAKER_01 47:28

Um, he is more, um, I've noticed, more sensitive with sounds. So, or like at least on a daily basis. Um, so like he definitely takes the headphones a lot. Um, I mean, we have two like young boys in our house. So it gets they're loud. And um, I'm told my voice carries. So um our house can just be loud at times. And um I that can sometimes cause some overstimulation and just um cause him just to feel like he can't function because it's so loud. And when he puts the headphones on, then he feels better. And then and sometimes he has to step away. So like there might be a situation like where the boys are fighting or something like that, and he just like might have to step away because he just needs to take a breather.

SPEAKER_00 48:12

Yeah, um and does it affect him? Like, can you tell? Or like does he get like a look on his face that he's annoyed, or he just takes care of it before it gets there? Like he just put like when it's starting to kind of he he usually does.

SPEAKER_01 48:24

Sometimes he tries, um, no offense to him, but sometimes he tries to not like not wear the headphones. Yeah. Um, and because I'll I to be honest, like I can get frustrated because he can't hear, so then I have to repeat myself. Yeah, um, and if I have to do that all the time, then I get frustrated. Right.

SPEAKER_00 48:42

And probably louder, right?

SPEAKER_01 48:44

Yeah, and louder, then you'll hear me. And so sometimes he'll try not to wear them, even though he's overstimulated, and that's what's best for him. And then I have to tell him, like, I just need you to tell me that like you need to wear them.

SPEAKER_00 48:55

Right. And if you need to wear them, wear them. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:57

I was like, there's no shame in it because like then you feel better.

SPEAKER_00 49:01

Yes, and I'm sure the house is loud. My house is loud.

SPEAKER_01 49:04

And I do need to work on not getting annoyed so much.

SPEAKER_00 49:07

Only natural, right? Only natural. You're sitting in the noise and he's escaping the noise, and you're like, I can't. Um, and what would you say some strengths are that autism brings to your family dynamic? Um oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:22

Um, I would say it's just built more awareness and just wanting and just being more flexible and understanding with our day-to-day day life. Um, I'm very Enneagram three. Okay. I've never done that before, but I've heard a lot of people talk about the Enneagram. I'm not like a big hardcore believer in it, because I but like it helped me realize some things about myself. Okay. That I was just like more like, oh, okay, that makes sense. Okay, I think it was more like an affirming thing about myself. Um, like, because sometimes I felt like um I'm a pretty strong female and I'm pretty like I'm not afraid to share my opinion, I'll stick up for myself. Like I'm not um going to take any crap. Um so but like re- and sometimes I felt like that was not praised upon, if that makes sense. Okay, um but then like taking the Innegram, I was like, okay, this is like who just just who I am. Okay. So um so I'm just gonna accept that.

SPEAKER_00 50:27

Here I am. Love me, hate me, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:29

Love me who I am. Um and like I'm very just like I'm very prepared in any situation. Okay. Um and it's just cause us to just like be more flexible and like maybe like um like we tried to take Carter out to dinner when he was for his second birthday, and like when we had just started this whole process, and I was just kind of like, I don't think going to Christopher's is a smart idea. Yeah, and but like Brian wanted to do it, so I was trying to be flexible with Brian, and then we got in there and he just did not want to sit. Yeah, and I was like, we cannot be out to dinner if he's just going to move to run all around. Yeah, that's not and that's with any two-year-old.

SPEAKER_00 51:08

I mean, there was like a four-year span where we're like, why would we go out for dinner? Like, one of us is gonna chase them, and one of them is, you know.

SPEAKER_01 51:15

But then, like, I look at people whose kids are sitting there nicely in the high chair, and I'm like, God bless you. They probably give them a tranquilizer or something, right? Yeah, good for you.

SPEAKER_00 51:23

I'm like, I'm so glad happy for you.

SPEAKER_01 51:26

Yes, because you enjoy your dinner. Nope, not happening, not I'm definitely like that person, like like Carter's fine now sitting out to eat, but Logan is not, right? So it's like I'm have no shame with the phone or like something like that. That makes sense, yeah. So I I always try toys and stuff like that and whatnot, but that can only go too far, or the cars are running off the table and then you're chasing the cars off the table.

SPEAKER_00 51:47

Well, and you need to be able to have it for yourself too. Like, if you want to go out for dinner and and that's what gets you through it, you know, best as his mom, you know, like that's what's gonna get you through. And have you reached a point where, like, for the most part, your plan for the day can be carried out? If you were gonna go to the library and go to the grocery store with a little flexibility, or do you find that often you're like, you know what, we're just gonna abort mission and go home after, like you kind of know when it's gonna work and when it's not?

SPEAKER_01 52:17

Yeah, we I know like what's gonna work and what's not at this point. Like, I tried like the local library reading with Logan. Um, Carter loved it. Yeah, Logan, nothing to do with it. Okay, so you're like, great, not gonna work. I would just like I and I tried to take them and I would like be there with friends, and I would try to take them, and he just won nothing to do with it. He would just like run around, he would scream when they would start singing and not like be miserable because he doesn't like it when you sing to him. He likes music class, but he doesn't like it when you sing.

SPEAKER_00 52:46

Interesting. Um, like I was so you just had to say that we're not doing it, our friends are doing it, but it's not that. You know what?

SPEAKER_01 52:51

Done and dusted, we're done. This is not your thing. We will not be going to library reading time. I'm sorry, Miss Patsy, but Logan isn't all that. She is great, though, isn't she? I think she's amazing. I love Miss Patsy. But I'm just like, I'm sorry, Logan does not like your reading time. Yeah, sorry. Um so Carter loves you though. Yeah, sorry. Um story done. Yeah. Um, so it was just like more like, and sometimes just still figuring it out. Like we were at we were in Rehoboth over the summer, and both boys struggled with rides at first. Like Carter. That makes sense, but now he's obsessed. Yeah. Um, but like, and loves a little roller coaster. Okay. Um, but like Carter was like more like a little bit flexible with it once he realized how fun it was, then he was like, Okay, I got this. Logan, like we got there and I'm an idiot because I just didn't headphones are a weird thing in our family with the boys, like with the little boys, okay. Because they're not consistent with them in like what their needs are sensory-wise.

SPEAKER_00 53:49

So you like don't always put it on when XYZ is happening.

SPEAKER_01 53:52

Yeah, or like I just did I wasn't carrying them around like all the time. Okay. Um, and then this is when I started carrying them around all the time. What after this situation, because like we were at the little park, amusement park that they have on the boardwalk in Merhoveth, and Logan just could not like handle himself. Okay. Like crying, it was loud. Um and that isn't overwhelming, those like walk places, they're overwhelming. Like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Yeah, a lot going on. And he was not having it. And I was literally sitting on a bench with him, holding his ears, and just and he's crying, and I'm just snuggling him, and he's just like not having it. And then so that's like when we were kind of like, and and my like in-laws when they got the dinner, and I was like, I we can't afford this. Sorry, like we cannot do this. Like, can we just order pizza? Yeah, like and go home. Um so that's like when like like just like the learning process of figuring out the kids too, it's just like, but like, and then my dad's like, well, let's go to Dutch Wonderland, and I was like, No, not no, not our time.

SPEAKER_00 55:00

Not yet.

SPEAKER_01 55:01

No, not yet.

SPEAKER_00 55:02

Carter would probably like it though, but maybe in a couple of times.

SPEAKER_01 55:05

Carter would love it. If you want to take Carter sometime, then you can take him. But Logan would have to stay back, which also doesn't like make me feel good either. Right. Like, because there are times that like like we like I might have to find a sitter to take Carter somewhere, yeah. Um, but like I don't want to have to feel like I need to leave him behind, like just because of things. So but I also don't want Carter to lose out on experiences, right? It's a hard balance that way. So it's just like trying to figure out how to balance that and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 55:33

Yeah, but flexibility, look at you. You just go with the flow, just go with the flow all the time. And I know that there are a lot of misconceptions. I mean, I feel like in this day and age, where maybe it's just in my career and having children in elementary school, but I feel like a lot more people are aware of, you know, neurodiversity and people being different, and we're not all the same, and it's not the 80s, and you know, we're not keeping people with disabilities or you know, whatever, like tucked away. Everybody's out in the world, which is a fantastic, wonderful, you know, progression that we have made. But I think that some people who maybe aren't around it all the time or whatever still have misconceptions about autism. What would you say? What are some misconceptions, maybe like your top two that you would be like, we gotta get people on board with this?

SPEAKER_01 56:20

Um, I would say that it's just like it's not something to be afraid of. Um, like everybody's everyone's diagnosis like is different. Like it just looks different, like for everybody. Um, so don't like assume you might have met one person with autism, and let's just say let's let's let's just say that person doesn't talk um and stuff has like a lot of sensory challenges or something like that, just as an example. Um, but like your child might not be that way. Like both my kids have a mild to moderate diagnosis, they both have the same exact diagnosis. Interesting. Um and yet it still presents in different ways, which is interesting. Yeah. Um, so it's like I don't think it's something to be afraid of. I think it's just a different way of like you're living your life, but just as like if your child had food allergies, you would be living your life differently as well. Right. Um, like you would be avoiding maybe avoiding certain restaurants and stuff like that. Um, so I think it's just a different way of looking at life and and it doesn't need to be like a negative thing. Um, but I also I don't know if this is a misconception, but just going along, I just think it's something that's just gonna be challeng it's gonna challenge you in different ways that you might not have known. And do we always want to be challenged? No. Um no, we just want the day to go. Yeah. You want you want a smooth life. Um but like, but it's just gonna teach you, it's just gonna teach you so much about like growth, patience, empathy, um, and just like advoc advocacy skills in general in life. Yeah. Um, whether it is for your kid or for yourself in your job, um, or something like or whatever you're doing um in your life. So I think it it some people think a lot of it as a negative thing, and it comes with I feel like it can come with a lot of additional things for your life. Um, so that's why it can be negative, but I think the rewards that come out of it are a lot more.

SPEAKER_00 58:20

And I have to say too, I'm sorry, I interrupted you. What did you find? I was gonna say just seeing the kids at school, you know, the ones who come in, especially in kindergarten and maybe they haven't been in school before. And you know, we all kind of laugh because we get to know their cries because they cry all day and like hear them come down the home, like, oh, so-and-so's crying. I hope Cara doesn't cry. No, no, I don't think it I don't think it does. But and you know, there are some and you're like, oh, like they and they're and I'll tell the kids in my class, I'm like, they're just getting used to being at school, and the rules at school here are maybe different in the expectations, and it's hard for them. And so the way they cope with it is they cry, you know, and then you you watch them all year, and then they get to second or third grade and you look at them and you're like, wow, like remember when this child was in kindergarten and they cried all the time, and and now they say hi to you in the hallway and they've got friends and that, you know, and it's it's fun, fun for me to see um how far they come and all the other kids too. But you know, the sometimes the difference in the kids with autism or all other diagnoses, you know, you feel like if you're in the school and the school and the parents are working together, and these kids really like they bloom, and you know, they'll walk my classroom as kind of near some of the learning support classrooms, and a lot of days I hear, hi Mrs. Weinrich, and I'm like, Oh, hi, you know, and like you might get you might get that tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01 59:41

I might that'd be great.

SPEAKER_00 59:42

I'll say hi garder, you know. But and then the kids in my class will then be like, Oh, they're so cute, or they'll see them in the hallway and say hi to them. And it's kind of just this nice little, I don't know, progression of seeing them come so far in school, and that's great. So um, okay, let me see. How about how do you balance advocating for your child while also because I know we all want to protect our kids, um, and you might feel that even stronger, you know, but you still want them to be independent people. So, how do we sort of how do you balance that?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:12

I wrote down an answer. Where was it? Um I skipped a couple questions. No, you're fine. Uh oh, there it is. Um, I would say I just want to make sure I didn't miss anything. Um for me, I would it's something I think I'm still learning. I think I'm a very strong advocate. I show up, you can ask other teachers. Yes, I go up to an IEP meeting, I have the IEP printed out, I have it highlighted, and I have typed out questions. That's awesome. But that's awesome. Yeah. Um that's that's me. I mean, some parents might not request that, but I need to know what I'm going in and knowing. Like I need to know what the data is showing that he has accomplished, okay, and where I may not notice something and need to ask a question about or or advocate for him more. Okay. Um or just be like, oh my gosh, he is really doing well. Um, which is like what I found in our like last IEP meeting. Like he is doing phenomenal. That's great. That's great. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:13

Um and I don't ever see him crying.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:15

So never see him crying. I did have then I had the like advocate too, where I was hesitant about one thing. Like, like they they wanted to drop his aid, and they want him to go from one-on-one support to shared support. And I was kind of like, um, and they were explaining their reasons why, and I and I was like, Okay, I want because as a mama bear, it makes me nervous, but at the same time, I want to like what you want, but it's so scary. But like you're sitting there and you're like, ooh, and then I was like, I've heard some things about shared support that were negative. I was like, can we talk about that? Right. Um and stuff, and like so it was a really good conversation, and then I was just like, and then the teacher was like, Do you want us to try do a trial and then figure it, and then we can revisit at like the end of October? And I was like, That's great, yeah, that's great. So then I can at least feel comfort knowing that I am trying to make him independent and be supportive in this journey of him becoming more independent. Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:22

Um, and maybe in second grade he'll be ready for it, or you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:25

You're like, but yeah, but yeah, but then like I also like want to know like, is he being successful? Because I'm always afraid, is he gonna fall through the cracks like of something? Um, or is something gonna be missed? I don't want him to fall behind or something like that. Like that's probably one of my biggest fears.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:40

So well prepared and so well educated, you know, probably most parents have to be, but probably most parents aren't in your situation. So that's I think you know, the team probably appreciates that too, that you know your stuff, and you're like, hey, I just want what's best for my sometimes. They might not think I know my stuff, but I go in thinking I do. I go in thinking I do. Well, you know, then that's why it's a team. We all all figure it out together, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:04

But yeah, that's probably like where at least like right now I've had to be advocate because I was like, and then I then I later came back and emailed them and I was like, so there's like one part where I'm really concerned about him being independent. Yeah, can we like can we work on this part? Like, can he have someone like so Carline pickup? I'm nervous about him being independent at Carline. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, so I was like, can we have someone with him at Carline? And they were like, Oh, absolutely. I was like, sounds good. Great so like my biggest concern out of it all was solved immediately. Um like, or one of my biggest, I guess, let's just let's just say safety concern.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:45

Yeah, that's a big concern.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:46

And so yeah, so that was solved immediately. So I was like, okay, I don't have to worry about that then. Like so I can just like see and observe and see the data that they have taken on like how he is doing with the shared support, and I'm hoping and praying he does well with it, and then see how it goes.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:04

And it's also nice for you to know, like when they came back immediately and were like, of course, you're like, you know that they have his best interest in mind, you know. So you're like, we can work out the the kinks of other things, you know, because you know that they care. Um, what would you say has been the hardest part of parenting children with autism?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:20

Um I would say probably just being in public settings, um, or just like it could be simply like just going over to someone's house for a play date. Okay. Like, um, and just the fr like frustrations that could come out um just in it, because sometimes I feel like I mean, and like I said before, like most kids can show similar characteristics, like just because of their personality and stuff like that. Um, but at least like with with what I've observed is that like we obviously like have a hard time sharing. Um, we have a hard time not playing our way, like we want to play our way. We don't we have a hard time being flexible, got it um and uh wanting to can maybe combine play or play another way or be open to playing another way, um, and stuff like that, at least on play dates. So sometimes I get nervous about play dates. Um and the kids that they're playing with are so young that they wouldn't even have the awareness of like, oh, my friend just needs a little, you know, a kindergartner's not gonna get that, where a second or third grader might so I might go off top tangent here, but that's an interesting point because so like at least for Logan, I feel like it's like some kids I feel like might not have a clue, like clearly. But then other kids, like in I've noticed in Logan's class and I've heard from his teacher, like they they know he has a one on one, they all love her. Like she's like a built into the class, like that type of thing. Like and so it's amazing. She's like everybody's one on one except To be honest. Um, it's almost like she's like a non-paid employee. Um, but she gets paid through somewhere else. Um, but she but like they notice like when he's having a hard time because I think and they and and for circle time he didn't like sitting on the carpet squares, but they have a folding up frog chair that he loved to sit in. So it was more or less like he would participate in circle time by sitting in the frog chair. Okay. And it's funny because one time he was having a meltdown, yeah, and the one little girl just brought over the frog chair. Oh, I think that would be what would help him calm down. So because that was like his emotional support frog chair. It's like he always sat in the frog chair. How sweet that she noticed that. Yeah, so like it's so and I and I always immediately like will email that parent and it's like I just need you to know that I or or if I have their phone number, I'll text them. And I'll just be like, I need you to know that your child was so sweet that my son. Uh-huh. Um, and just like, thank you for raising a child that is like aware and cares and is empathetic and want and wants to care. So it's like like you even see it at three. Yeah, that's so special.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:13

Yeah. And I think you probably remember, I remember from elementary school because in the 80s, children who had learning disabilities or were, you know, different in any way were in a special ed classroom. And literally, I remember the classroom door being closed, and like those kids kind of didn't come out. And so when they did, you weren't afraid of them, but you weren't used to being around them. And it was a little like uncomfortable. And I think that, you know, the way that education is now with inclusion, the kids do understand. We talk openly about it. And if we hear somebody crying or yelling, I'll say, you know what? That's just somebody having a hard day, but there's a team of people here helping them and they'll be okay. And they get to know those kids and say, and I think even what I am hearing is even moving into middle school, and I don't know about high school, I would hope so because they're older and mature, but especially the kids who have gone through school with a particular child, they almost become protective of them because they know them and they get them and they have, you know, they've had them to their birthday party and they've been in class with them and they see all their special gifts. And I think that that is such an improvement, such a wonderful thing over what we were raised with. And it was just a different time and whatever. But like Mike in my children's school, they have kids who are like profound profoundly and severely disabled. They have kids in wagons and kids and strollers. And, you know, my son came home and talked about um when the kids were going to Special Olympics and the whole school stood in the hallway and cheered them out. And my husband and I both had to excuse ourselves from dinner because we were sobbing, but like, you know, because that was just such a like beautiful thing. And to my son, he's like, Yeah, and so-and-so's brother's gonna go and he's gonna run and he's gonna throw a ball, and we're so excited for him. And I was like, like it's I just think it's so great that kids today are with children who are different than them in all different kinds of ways.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:08

I just think that that is a really special thing, and being just like open to it, because like like I said, like when we were in school, I can remember in middle school being in the cafeteria and the like sitting there and eating lunch and the special needs class coming in for lunch, coming down the um the what's it called, when there's no stairs. Oh, the ramp. Yeah, the ramp, yes, um, coming down the ramp and just like being like for lack of a better word, like kind of segregated. Yeah, and um, and that's why I honestly like when I went to school, I had no desire to do special ed. My roommate in college, like my first year, like wanted to do special ed, and I was like, go go do where you're called.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:50

Yeah, yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:51

I am not called to that room.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:53

No, me neither. I was like, I don't want to do special ed, but now, like in this day and age too, now kind of like every teacher education, right? And also like every teacher does special ed, whether they have a special ed degree or not. And yeah, you know, for for better or worse, I do think it's great that the children are seeing people who are different than them and still being friends with them and playing with them and including them and helping them. And so I think that's great.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:14

And I thought yeah, sorry I interrupt you, but I'm already seeing like friends from his class last year like um like back him up. They're like, Oh, we'll take care of you.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:24

Love that, but don't you love like doesn't that make you feel so good?

SPEAKER_01 1:10:27

Yeah, and then I'm sad because next year none of those kids are gonna be in his class. But he'll find other wonderful kids. Well, there's a girl in my class who's gonna be in his class and she's just so sweet to him. And I'm just like, that might be his person.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:39

There you go. That's his that's his girl. That's his girl. Um, and what would you say? This kind of sounds cheesy, but I think you'll understand. Like, what has surprised you if you you know you were talking about the hardest part. What has surprised you in sort of the most beautiful way or in the most touching way, or you know, having two kids with autism?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:01

Um, I just I so like in a Logan example was because he wasn't talking for so long, um, and he actually had two um behavioral therapists. Like the one got promoted, and so she couldn't come out to the school anymore. So we had to switch. Okay. Um, and he was still not talking when we switched. Um, and he went over Christmas, he went to the behavioral center to like just do some like play therapy and stuff like that. And he went there and he saw her. I was like, You're gonna see Miss Katie. Yeah, and I know she's gonna be so excited to see you. I texted her and told her you were coming and she really wants to see you. And she like we literally just got there and she just happened to open the door, and he just ran up to her with his arms open wide and said, Miss Katie, hi, and she hadn't heard his voice before. And I like started I was gonna say, not a dry eye. Oh my god. And she just was like, she just started crying because she was just like she had never heard his voice. Oh I'm gonna say, and it was just like so sweet. That's so sweet. Hi, Miss Katie, and it was just so cute. Um, so like that. So it's I feel like it sounds so like it does sound like crazy, like dumb, like at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:19

I don't think it sounds dumb at all. I think it sounds really special, and that's something that'll stay with you forever.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:24

Like you'll remember, you'll replay that thing, and then and then he saw her like last week because we had off or whatever, and I took him there, and he saw her and he's like, and he's just talking to her now. Now he just having a lot of people.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:35

Talk, talk, talk, talk.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:37

And I was like, now you can catch up on life.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:39

You can tell you what he's been thinking.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:41

Yeah, and then at least like with Carter, it's just like like going switching from like preschool to kindergarten, I think it's just like overwhelming, yeah. Um, a little bit, and just like trying to figure out like where to advocate for him and like where to accept and like all this other stuff. And um, whereas like going into this IEP meeting, having been at the school and just seeing how he's doing and stuff like that, and the friends he's created and all this other stuff, um it like made this IEP meeting just go a lot better. And it's not not that the kindergarten IEP meeting was negative, it was not. Yeah, it was just over.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:19

You were just probably nervous and apprehensive, and yeah, yeah, it was. And you realized how great we are.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:23

So now yeah, it was and like meeting a whole new group of people and therapists and trusting, like, okay, we are leaving all these therapists I've had for three years, and some of them I actually still have with Logan, and like moving on to a whole new regime. Whole new thing, right? I mean, everything was new, yeah, and just being like, okay, I I'm going to trust you people. I don't know you, but I'm going to have to trust you in some way, shape, or form. Um, and and it it actually made me feel better that the key teacher that was in our IAP meeting is the teacher that he has. So I was kind of like, okay, so like I'm familiar with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:59

Um, so um and that'll make Logan when Logan goes, it'll make it so much easier for you because you'll be like, we've done this, we know them.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:06

You know, it's not he'll be the second class with full day. So that will be interesting. Ooh, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:13

So that will go into full day in a couple of years. That will be interesting. Yeah, so that will be interesting. But then you won't have to feel bad when you say he's there for full day anymore. I don't feel bad about it anymore because I won't. Everybody's there for full day kindergarten. Um two more, two more questions for you, and then we'll do the quick, um, the quick, fun, final questions. How do you you answer this a tiny bit, but how do you take care of yourself, especially when your role feels like I mean, you're the advocate, the translator, the emotional anchor um for your family, and also does needlepoint factor in? What do you do for you?

SPEAKER_01 1:14:46

So, first off, I'm like I was a college jockey player, but then I took running up. So like I run I've run a couple marathons, I've run half marathons, but then I kind of fell off the train a little bit. Um but um I do like wake up at 4 45 every day and most majority of the days in run. Um I'm impressed by that. Um so I know that time sounds god awful. Um, but it's just how it works for us. Um we're morning people in this house. Um so I just have to go to sleep um like 8, 8:30.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:18

I'm so jealous of you. I'm usually asleep like 9, 9:30. So no, no shade there. But I was just thinking again.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:24

There are nights that I'm in bed 9, 9:30, but like late night.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:26

I know. I'll be like, I was up till 10, and my friends are like, what happened? I'm like, I know, I know, I know. So I love an early bedtime, but I I like to sleep past 4:45.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:35

So yeah, so I do that. But then I also um found the hobby that is growing very much right now of needlepoint. Um, and I am not crafty at all. Like I I hate going to crafty things that is not my portal, no glitter for the woman. Um, but like then I I don't know, I just like was like, let me try this. It seems like uh something that gets me off my phone. I can watch TV while doing it, or this audiobook or something like that, or a podcast. Just like have at it. And so I went to like a lesson at this place in Malvern. Okay, and um Fireside Stitchery.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:13

Um is it on my podcast?

SPEAKER_01 1:16:16

Yes, it's kind of hidden back a little bit, like there's not like really a sign on 34.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:21

We'll link it, we'll link it in the show notes for anybody who wants to go to fireplace.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:24

I always drive past it, I never hit the the scent, the the the whatever it's called, the wherever it is. Um, I never hit it. I always have to turn around.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:35

Okay, okay. Like, wait, I missed it.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:38

Yeah, I've I always miss it. So if you go and you miss it, I put it into ways.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:42

It's probably like half a mile from my house, and I'll be like, get me there. I drive past it.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:45

I still miss it even when I do that. Like, what is my problem? Um, but yeah, I like went because I need to like actually go and like have a lesson. I can't like watch YouTube. Um, so I like went and got a lesson, and then I started doing like my little homework, and I was like, this is like nice.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:03

Relax.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:03

Like, like this is like a relaxing and I feel productive and it's kind of fun. Um, and then I found myself on like needlepoint TikTok and stuff like that. All the right down the rabbit hole, right? Yeah, I just like went down the rabbit hole and became like really obsessed. Um, so it just sucked me in. Um good. So now that like and it's nice because like Carter's like really into it now too. So he's like not doing it, but he's like really into like my projects. Yeah. And so like I took him to like the store with me because he saw it. He's very into Legos, and we found that there was like a Lego brick man canvas, and he like wanted me to get it really, really bad. Okay. So then like I had him go in with me, and like he picked, like I grabbed it, so like he picked it off the thing. Then he started like looking at all the other canvases. He's like, Mommy, we need to do this one. I was like, uh-uh, we're just getting one.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:49

That's really true. But yeah, let's let's start slow. Let's start.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:51

We're just getting one. Um, and then I was like, let's go pick out the threads for it. And so, like, he was helping me pick out the threads and stuff, and I was he was like, What's this? I was like, Stay focused. One, one at a time. We are getting these ones. This is it. Yes, um, and stuff. So he like really had like fun with it. He likes seeing the projects that I'm working on and stuff. And he always like, he's like, Can I put the needle through? And I'm like, sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:15

Maybe he'll like needlepoint when he gets older.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:17

I mean, maybe, who knows?

SPEAKER_00 1:18:18

I mean, maybe, maybe not, or he'll just want you to keep making him things. That's fine too, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:18:22

Well, and that's the nice thing, is like I'm able, like, I want to like make them ornaments so that they can have like ornaments like when they eventually leave the house.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:28

Um I love that. I think my mom started a snow white needlepoint project for me in like 1980. Um, and I I don't think it's finished yet, but I most of it is, but like, but like growing up, like it was always in this like one cabinet. She'd be like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get to that. I'm gonna get to it. I'm like, okay. But no, no, you know, no, no shade to her. It was just funny because I'm like, that's how I would be like all about it at first. Then I'd be like, Oh yeah, that's been sitting in that cabinet for like eight years. But anyway, um, maybe you can finish it for me. I'll get it for her.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:01

I could be like, I I hear stories all the time about that stuff though, like on Instagram and stuff, like of like social media, like, oh, I found this, my grandmother's something that was never finished. Can you help me kit this and match the threads?

SPEAKER_00 1:19:13

And so I was gonna say probably the threads have probably all faded in all of my years of life. But anyway, um, final question for you in terms of autism. What does acceptance look like for you in real life? From your friends to your extended family, school, community? You know, what is your kind of ideal? What does it look like?

SPEAKER_01 1:19:32

Um, I would just say being open to the different ways that people act, um, just like or just like interact with the world, interact with you. Okay. Um, don't just always like and don't be judgmental of a parent and the sit and their child and the situation that is going on. Love that. Um, and like, I mean, I just think we should be like that in general because you don't know everybody's circumstances. Right. Um but just like don't assume things of people, um, and just like if a parent's having a hard time, like assist them or say, like, you got this or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:06

Like, just give, don't just throw shade, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:20:09

Yeah, don't throw shade or anything like that. Like, um, we literally had an old guy throw shade at my dad at Starbucks the other day when we were there. And you're like saying that I should parent my kid. And I was like, I am parenting my kid. Um it's called I I I actually like when we were leaving, I normally don't do stuff like this, but like when we were leaving, I said to him, I was like, it's called a village. Nice, and then it was a like and he just and then I just kept walking because I didn't want to reflect. You weren't gonna change him anyway, but no, like I but I just like felt like I needed to educate, yes, absolutely in a slightly calm way. Um I was just like, it's called a village, um, and they help in those times.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:50

And I think sometimes a kid like a child who isn't visibly different, I think that's also hard sometimes. You know, they're not in a wheelchair, they're not like he's just a kid, and so people who aren't quite as understanding, especially, aren't gonna be understanding of a child who you can't see.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:07

Yeah, you that's the one I would say that sometimes, I mean, depending on this part of the spectrum of autism that you were on, it's not visibly noticeable. At least in my kids, it's not like most people aren't gonna see my kids and assume that they have autism.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:21

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:21

Um, so that's why I'm pretty open about it. Yeah, um, and like I also was just like thinking about like with my friends and stuff like that, they obviously are very open about like I'm very open with my friends. My friends know our situation, right? And um just like making small accommodations for people, like don't just like always say, like, we're gonna go to this place and to play.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:42

Like say what would work for like like let's say like like just like a big activity park.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:48

Okay. Well, that is not gonna work for Logan. So like we either are not gonna go or we need to go to or adjust, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:55

So just like being open and willing to like adjust plans to make a friend feel welcome. Okay. Um, because a lot of times parents with special needs might not feel welcome because of their circumstances, right? So just being willing to be flexible um with those friends and not helping them because like the thing that they're probably feeling is more um insular and just feeling like they don't have a community sometimes when you want like when they need community, so being open to being that community for those people and and those parents and support people for them.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:30

I love that and stuff like that. So that wrapped it up beautifully. All this information was so good. And thank you. I was sitting here thinking, like, thank you so much for your honesty and openness because I think uh you made so many good points, and I think that people know it, but it's always good to hear it and to hear it in a very genuine, open, realistic way. And I think that you shared a lot of that with us today. So thank you. Oh, thank you. All right, let's do a quick couple of a couple, well, it's your I mean it's your perspective, so you know you're living it, so you can say what you want. All right, a couple quick questions. Um What's something you're really bad at?

SPEAKER_01 1:23:10

There is something. I know there is. Why drawling?

SPEAKER_00 1:23:14

Oh, okay.

unknown 1:23:15

Fair enough.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:16

Uh what's one place you've always dreamed of going?

SPEAKER_01 1:23:22

I would probably say the the first one that comes to my mind is Paris. Okay. I've been to a bunch of European countries, but I haven't been to Paris.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:29

But not Paris. All right. Sounds like it's time to to uh at some point describe your favorite sandwich.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:37

Um, it definitely has bacon. A lot of bacon. Um doesn't have cheese. Cheese and bacon. So I'm weird. Okay. I only like melted cheese. We could melt it. We could. I don't like cold cheese. Okay. Um but well, I don't, I'll I'll eat it, but I'm not a fan. I'd rather take it off. Um, I mean it'd probably be like maybe like a turkey sandwich with a lot of bacon, bacon, lettuce, tomato.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:02

Like a club, like a big thick one, like that. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:04

The bacon. Sometimes maybe a good cheesesteak if you want to consider a cheesesteak a sandwich.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:08

I'll I'll accept it. Could we put bacon on a cheesesteak? I don't know that that's been a good one.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:12

I have before at Wawa.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:14

Okay. How was it? I mean, it was good. How can it not be more meat? Right, right. It's just salty and cheesy. Um, what is a skill you've always wanted to learn?

SPEAKER_01 1:24:25

I mean, probably being more I the funny thing about needle point is needle point is like crafty and artistic in a way, and I don't consider myself crafty or narratistic in any way, shape, or form.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:35

So you've learned it. There it is.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:37

So I mean, like, yeah, I'd probably be like, actually, you know what? I'd probably so I I'm like an okay singer. Like I was in the musical in high school and stuff like that. And like I feel like if I took voice lessons, I could potentially be better.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:50

Okay. So there you go. After you've mastered needlepoint, then you can move on to show tunes. That works. Uh biggest pet peeve.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:59

Oh my goodness. I feel like I'd have too many to I probably have too many, and I can't think of one, which is embarrassing. Um, I hate it when people like don't read emails or read information.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:14

And they ask you to like and then they ask you. And I'm like, I texted you, I emailed you, I I sent a flyer home.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:25

Yeah. The airplane will be flying over your house soon to send the message. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:30

Um, so probably that.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:32

Um biggest biggest fear.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:37

Um probably, I mean, like any parent, maybe like my kid's getting cancer or something like that, or my dog getting hit by a car.

unknown 1:25:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:46

All right, fair enough. How about one that's a little less like we'll all stay up at night thinking about it? Um because yes, I agree with you 100%. That's probably that's what keeps us up at night. Uh-huh. Literally.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:57

The random anxieties that you have. Yes. Um, I if we want to be a little bit more lighthearted, um probably just like my kids not having friends because of being different.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:11

Okay. Yeah. But that's but you were saying earlier, he's got Carter's got people backing him up.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:15

So I know we had the IAP meeting, then I was told you don't really have to come in for a conference. And then like I thought about it and I was like, I think I do. And then I put in like all I talked about was reading and friendships.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:28

Those are important. Those are important. And I think Yeah, but I think that's a you know, again, a a fear or an anxiety that a lot of parents have, but I can see where yours might be a little, you know, a little elevated. All right, last one. Oh, let me pick a good one for you. I like this one. Who's your most embarrassing celebrity crush? Or not embarrassing. Maybe we'd all be crushing a little. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:52

Okay, so so my kid is named after one. Oh. Um, I am obsessed with Gilmore Girls. Okay. And I'm Team Logan.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:01

Okay. Oh. That was who the dog Rory, is that who she dated? Yes, Rory dated him in college. Okay. Um what was the other one's name? I forget.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:10

There was Jess and Dean.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:12

That's right. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:12

Um, and Dean was the high well, Jess and Dean were technically both high school. Um, but Logan was the c I guess her college sweetheart, let's just say.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:20

And who did she end up with? I didn't watch the end of it.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:22

I know people are probably gasping, but so she ended up with nobody at the end of the TV series. Okay. Um, and then in the Netflix series, she has a boyfriend that she doesn't pay attention to, but then she's still kind of with Logan on the side.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:38

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:39

So it's kind of like a little shady. Yeah, a little side piece there. But um, I would say, I think it's is Matt Century is his name. Um, he was in like the he was like recently like in the resident, I guess, is his most recent TV show.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:54

So his career is continuing on.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:56

Yeah, his has can his he has continued on. But yeah, I would say him and It's probably like my the one that comes top to mine. I don't watch a lot of stuff anymore. I listen to things.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:06

Yeah, I don't either. But I was my husband and I started watching The Pit on HBO. Oh yeah. Noah Wiley. I was like, Noah has aged nicely. Look at those crinkly eyes.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:17

So what was Noah's character's what was Noah's character's name on ER? Dr.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:25

I can't remember, but I can picture him. Dr. Carter. Oh stop. So is he your other crush or not? Oh wow. How's your husband feel about you naming?

SPEAKER_01 1:28:38

But he knows that they are like my movie characters. That's like where I got the like my TV show characters. That's like where I got the names from. So like they were just my favorite characters on my favorite TV show.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:47

So there it is. And Carter and Logan, they're very popular now, too. Look at that.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:50

Which is so annoying.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:51

Right. Well, thank your 1990s crashes. I'd be like, so who knew Logan and Carter were gonna be like the names? But oh, I like that. Now every time I see your kids, I'm gonna be like, mm-hmm. Hey Noah Wiley. I like to give kids in my class nicknames. So if any of them uh end up in my class, I'll be like, Hey Noah Wiley, how are you doing? They'll be like, why does she call me Noah? Like, don't worry about it. Like, I know that's a joke. Oh my goodness. Well, Lisa, thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability today. Conversations like this really move people from awareness to understanding and from understanding to true acceptance. To our listeners, if today's episode resonated with you, please know that you're not alone. Autism is not one story, one look, or one experience, as we talked about. It's a spectrum, and every family's journey is valid and varied. If you enjoyed this episode, please like, share, and follow me on Instagram and Facebook at Mom's Work Podcast. And you can listen, follow, and leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or really anywhere you listen because it's available on all platforms. Lisa, thank you again for being here today and for sharing your family story with us. You're welcome. Thanks. And happy, happy April to everyone. Happy Autism Awareness Month to everyone.