The Nursery Is Ready...... are we?

This week we talk about finally finishing the nursery and how real becoming parents is starting to feel. Ashley shares some wild pregnancy dreams and Jordan talks about joining the unofficial 5AM gym “old man club.” We also rant about how ChatGPT let us down this week and wrap things up reacting to some chaotic Reddit marriage fight stories.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

What's up, dogs? What's up, what's up, what's up?

SPEAKER_02 0:04

What's happening? It's been like, oh, two weeks.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

It feels like forever every time.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

I know. I'm always like, huh, when was the last time? Oh, two weeks ago, precisely.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

Yeah. Yeah. What's up with you?

SPEAKER_02 0:18

What's up with you?

SPEAKER_01 0:20

What is up? I keep having weird dreams. Yeah, like what? I have recurring dreams and my ex-best friend comes back into my life. About three times a week. Okay, the interesting part about the dream is even in the dream when we're becoming friends, I don't want her to be my friend. So like in the dream, we're becoming friends again, but even that version of me is like, I don't want to be your friend. So but it happens about three times a week.

SPEAKER_02 0:58

Sounds problematic.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

It's annoying more than anything.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

More annoying than all this dog hair that we have from our dogs.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

Yeah, why do we have two dogs?

SPEAKER_02 1:08

I know. Stupid. Don't get two dogs. I love them both. I don't know what I'd do without either of them. I know. Man, they're both dumb.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

Sometimes when I come home and my new pregnant nose just smells dog, I think to myself, why do I have you? And then Zeke cuddles me, and then I can't imagine my life without him.

SPEAKER_02 1:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

He's the cutest little baby.

SPEAKER_02 1:36

He's a turd.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

No, he's not.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

A little bit of a turd.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

Why? Name one thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:42

He didn't listen to me yesterday.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

When? When?

SPEAKER_02 1:46

When we were on our walk.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Yes, he did.

SPEAKER_02 1:49

He was like, I don't have to pay attention to you.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

He listened just fine. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Your story. I was there, I saw. We finished the nursery.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

Yeah, we did. Didn't we already tell him that?

SPEAKER_01 2:06

There's no way because we just finished it last weekend. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:12

We didn't work on the nursery last weekend.

SPEAKER_01 2:15

Not this weekend as in yesterday, but the weekend before.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

Oh yeah. Touche. Touche, touche.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

We hung sconces.

SPEAKER_02 2:22

Well, we didn't talk about how we we freaking nailed the freaking molding. No. Huh. It looks really good. Do I have a story for you guys?

SPEAKER_01 2:35

What?

SPEAKER_02 2:36

Well, I had to map out the what do you call it? Mo you called it molding. What do you call it? Trim? Trim? It's about the same thing. Okay. Anyways, to make out this decorative accent wall. And it came with like dimensions, like a sheet of paper of dimensions. So I put it into Chat GBT and said, hey chat, this is the measurement of my wall. Give me the proper dimensions so that this fits my wall evenly. And it was like blip blip blip blip blip blip. Gives me dimensions, and I'm like, okay, looking at it. Gives me the wrong dimensions of the things. I'm like, chat, you messed up. The paper clearly says that it's this size, and you said it's this size. And it was like, okay, my bad, I'm sorry. Then it gives me the proper dimensions. So then I'm sitting here trying to map it out on my wall. And it wasn't mathing. Math wasn't mathing. And I'm over here thinking to myself, I'm not that dumb. Like, this isn't going the way it's supposed to go. By this time, snow shows up.

SPEAKER_01 3:57

Chat out snow.

SPEAKER_02 3:58

Yeah, and I'm like, hey bro, am I dumb? Or like, is the math not mathing? He was like, no, the math's not math and apparently Chad GPT doesn't know what's talking about. So we put our little pea brains together.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

One giant pea.

SPEAKER_02 4:14

Yeah, and we mapped it out. Now it fits perfect. We're within one eighth of an inch of being completely perfect.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

It looks great. Yeah. Very impressed.

SPEAKER_02 4:25

So fuck you, Chad GPT. We don't need you. We don't need you.

SPEAKER_01 4:31

We don't.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

Took all day, though.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

I use it less.

SPEAKER_02 4:35

It took us all day to do.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

You guys did the molding, the sconces, and hung my plant ladder.

SPEAKER_02 4:45

Yeah, it took us a couple hours. Most of the day.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

I love my plant ladder.

SPEAKER_02 4:51

Turned out good.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

It did.

SPEAKER_02 4:54

Turned out real good.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

Yeah, it's great in here. It's a vibe. I took a great nap in here the other day.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

Yeah, for like four hours.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

It was an hour.

SPEAKER_02 5:03

Seemed like four.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

It did seem like a really long time because when I came out, I felt like I was in a cave and I was like, where am I? New pregnancy symptom. I'm obsessed with you suddenly.

SPEAKER_02 5:16

Creepy. Oh my gosh. You told me you wanted to eat me today. I was like, whoa.

SPEAKER_01 5:23

You smell so good. I want you inside my body and I want to eat you.

SPEAKER_02 5:28

No, you said you wanted to crawl inside of my body and live there. And then I was like, okay. And then you're like, I want to eat you. And I'm like, oh my gosh, let's tone it down. You insert stepbrothers meme. You sound insane right now.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

The amount of times you sent me that in the last couple weeks. I have to tell them what I did.

SPEAKER_02 5:49

What did you do?

SPEAKER_01 5:50

I went through your phone. Oh yeah, you crazy person. You guys, that's not like me. Another phone goer through her. I can't even tell you the last time I went through your phone. Because half the time I'm just over your shoulder watching you talk to your Lintlicker boyfriend. Talk about what did Ross ask you?

SPEAKER_02 6:09

What?

SPEAKER_01 6:10

Do you come to your house? Do you what did he say?

SPEAKER_02 6:17

Do you I'll find it.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

Uh anyway, something about Jordan was in the shower and his phone was just there. And lately, because my new pregnancy hormones and I'm so obsessed with him and madly in love with him, I'm have this new irrational fear that he's just gonna leave me one day.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

Yeah, irrational fear for sure.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

Well, I think watching our friends divorce is scaring me. And just all these new hormones, and we feel really tied together now that we've made a human. So, and you know what? We read these horrific stories.

SPEAKER_02 6:59

Yeah, you don't do it. You don't do yourself any favor.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

Every other week to these people.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

I found what Ross said. Okay. He said, Do y'all turn your head to the hot dog and eat it? Or you let the hot dog turn you?

SPEAKER_01 7:15

We found out we'd let the hot dog turn us.

SPEAKER_02 7:18

No, I said meat in the middle.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:22

Just think about it. Yeah, like bend down. You don't want to get no condiments on your white white t-shirt. Right. You don't want to have a barbecue stain on your white t-shirt. Right. Only if she was killing you in the miniskirt, but I digress.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

She was killing me in that mini skirt. What is it?

SPEAKER_02 7:49

It's a song.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

Sun tan line with a what is it? Help me.

SPEAKER_02 7:56

I actually don't know.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

Don't forget something like this.

SPEAKER_02 8:01

Yeah. Isn't it called like barbecue stain? I don't know. No, it is not. What is it called? What's the name of that song?

SPEAKER_01 8:08

I don't know. I just asked you four times. Anyway, I didn't find anything in his phone. Of course not.

SPEAKER_02 8:15

But told Something like that.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

Oh. I got there. I sang that part. Yeah. Told my therapist about it. She didn't even entertain it. She just changed the subject.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

Yeah, because she knows how crazy you're being.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

She asked me, What's your birth plan? I was like, I don't have a birth plan, and then proceeded to tell her my entire birth plan. Love therapy. I've been skipping Bible study.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

That's a crazy move on your behalf.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

Is it? I think I'm just mishaving my Wednesdays. Not because you've been going so much. I know, but that's what I think I've missed Wednesdays to myself.

SPEAKER_02 8:56

Why are there just random puzzle pieces everywhere?

SPEAKER_01 9:01

Because we have a lot of puzzles.

SPEAKER_02 9:03

Not that many.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

I don't know. I think that goes to Bob's burgers too, so don't lose that. Don't want to finish Bob's.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

Anyway, sorry for interrupting. Continue.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

I don't know what I was saying.

SPEAKER_02 9:17

You're saying you like to have your Wednesdays.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

Oh, yeah. Yeah. So I've been well, I've been working on other things instead. Like this last Wednesday, I worked on tech stuff. That took a lot of time. And I finished our invitations for the baby shower.

SPEAKER_03 9:35

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 9:37

This Wednesday I have another phone call with our CPA. So I'm gonna miss it again. And they're having a happy hour Friday night.

SPEAKER_02 9:47

What does that mean?

SPEAKER_01 9:48

Well they're meeting at a mutual they're meeting at one of the ladies' house for mocktails. Why not cocktails? Cause most she's pregnant. I'm pregnant.

SPEAKER_02 10:02

Everyone's pregnant.

SPEAKER_01 10:03

Can't decide if I want to go or not.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

I'm on call, so you could go.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

I mean I can do whatever the fuck I want.

SPEAKER_02 10:12

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

You know what we're gonna do?

SPEAKER_02 10:16

You're just as bad as the dogs right now. I can't go anywhere, and you're just underneath my feet.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

I know yesterday I realized it when I was like, you want to take a shower? And then you're like, I got all this stuff to do. And I found myself just with you in the kitchen.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

Yeah. Just waiting for me. And I'm like, I'm gonna be like on probably like two hours.

SPEAKER_01 10:37

Just basically hovering over.

SPEAKER_02 10:39

Yeah, I'm like, if you're gonna get and then you came in and started doing the dishes in the middle of me, like trying to like I was like washing off my raw chicken, and you're like, I'm like, do you really need to do that right now?

SPEAKER_01 10:55

Yeah. I did.

SPEAKER_02 10:58

I appreciate you trying to clean up my mess that I was making, but you were like, in my way.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

In your way. Whatever, I'm just obsessed with you right now, and I need to be near you all the time. Um, yeah. Oh, you're on a fitness journey. Our house permanently smells like broccoli. I made broccoli one time, yeah, and it's stuck. And fish. You've been making fish and broccoli. Our house just smells like dog and food.

SPEAKER_02 11:29

I tried to eat tilapia. I'm not gonna do that again. I think the next time I'm gonna go for the rock fish.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

Oh, we're trying fish again.

SPEAKER_02 11:38

Well, I did I didn't not like it. It was just like day five of the day four of the fish.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

I was like of reheated fish.

SPEAKER_02 11:45

I didn't even reheat it.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

You were just eating cold fish. Yeah. I can't even eat fish.

SPEAKER_02 11:52

It wasn't bad, but it's also you gotta think, it's probably like farm raised tilapia that's just it wasn't great. The rock fish could be good. The salmon wasn't bad because I put it on the smoker. It was good. But also, it kind of sucks to eat fish here because it's not fresh.

SPEAKER_03 12:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:23

Today's episode I'm drinking just nice and high quality H2O.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

High quality H2O.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

But yeah. I'm on fitness journey. I was getting fat, so uh had to go start going to the gym.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

He wakes up at five o'clock.

SPEAKER_02 12:42

I wake up at five o'clock.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

Every day.

SPEAKER_02 12:44

I'm becoming one of the old men regulars at the gym. Shower at the gym.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

Oh yeah. Do you wear split flops? Sandals. You wear sandals in the shower. Mm-hmm. Really?

SPEAKER_02 12:55

Yeah, it's gross in there.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

I didn't even know you owned sandals.

SPEAKER_02 12:59

I have like ten pairs of sandals.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Like the flip flop?

SPEAKER_02 13:04

I have my rubber birken stocks.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

So is is that what you wear in the shower? Oh.

SPEAKER_02 13:09

I don't have like thong sandals.

SPEAKER_01 13:12

Please never say that or wear those ever. Flip flop.

SPEAKER_02 13:17

But yeah, um, yeah. So I do that and then I sit in the sauna and then I take a shower. All the old guys with their dicks out. I'm one of the old guys now.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

But I was like, I have to I have to start going to the gym because we're having a daughter. And one day she's gonna bring home a boy, and I'm gonna have to be big and scary, and I'm not that right now.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

So you got 16 years.

SPEAKER_02 13:44

Yeah, I know. So I gotta get a jump on it. I've been going to the gym. Gotta get a jump on that shit, dog. Crack some skulls.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

Mine isn't as exciting as yours. I go to the gym. They only bark when we're proud.

SPEAKER_02 14:02

They don't bark and then we record the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 14:05

There's nothing even out there. He's just mad. He's probably barking at us. Yeah. Hey, soft me out here. Although I'm out here. He follows me around. I follow you around. He follows me around, and Lila just pouts in the corner.

SPEAKER_02 14:20

She hides behind the couch. For safe, safe space.

SPEAKER_01 14:25

Oh, he is mad.

SPEAKER_02 14:26

Yeah, he just bumps the door. Let me in.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:32

Calm down, Debo. That's why we should have named him Debo.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

No. Sir.

SPEAKER_02 14:40

Freaking Ezekiel. Freaking Zekiel. Freaking Ezekiel. Um shrinking. Shrinking.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

We are caught up. I cry every episode. That is one of the best shows.

SPEAKER_02 14:56

It is a really good show.

SPEAKER_01 14:57

That I've ever seen.

SPEAKER_02 14:58

It is a really good show. It's like wholesome. I dare I say I like Ted Lasso better.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

Then Shrinking? I'm gonna have to disagree with that one.

SPEAKER_02 15:12

It's better.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

It isn't, though. That's okay. We don't have to agree on everything. They're both great shows. Zach Braff produced an episode on both of them.

SPEAKER_02 15:27

Well, what's his name? He's in both of them.

SPEAKER_01 15:30

Oh, Brett Goldstein?

SPEAKER_02 15:32

Yeah, that guy.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

Uh, we started a new show that has Jamie in it. Rooster. Yeah, what'd you think about that?

SPEAKER_02 15:41

We necessarily started.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

I brought you in.

SPEAKER_02 15:44

I mean, I was I watched part of it.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

What do you think of it?

SPEAKER_02 15:48

I don't know, I was sleepy.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

Do you like Steve? You don't feel for what I feel for Steve Carell.

SPEAKER_02 15:55

No, because I'm not an office guy.

SPEAKER_01 15:57

He's one of the greatest actors to ever do it. Really? Name one thing he's bad in.

SPEAKER_02 16:04

Well, I didn't like The Office, so really? You didn't none of them. Not a single episode. I just uh the humor's not for me. I don't like that humor. Does to be fair, the older I get, the more I'm like, okay, I see why people like this show. But like when it was popping and pop super popular, and I'm like 20, I was like, this is fucked.

SPEAKER_01 16:29

I didn't either. I didn't like it until I got until I grew up. Same with Scrubs. Tried to watch it when I was younger, now watching it now, I think it's funny.

SPEAKER_02 16:37

Scrub is a guy who thinks he's fly, and he's also known as a busta.

SPEAKER_01 16:43

You me. What else are we? Oh, I was gonna say we have Tatum's birthday party this weekend, but we are also going to Project Tail Mary at some point or another.

SPEAKER_02 16:57

What's that?

SPEAKER_01 16:58

That movie I've been wanting to see that I told you the.

SPEAKER_02 17:00

Why do you only want to go watch movies when I'm on call? This is the most annoying thing ever.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

It comes out this weekend. We can go the weekend after with my mom and my brother. We could at least take my brother. I don't know if my mom will go.

SPEAKER_02 17:14

There you go.

SPEAKER_01 17:15

That is one of the best.

SPEAKER_02 17:16

I swear, you only are like, let's go watch this movie.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

When you're on call. I know.

SPEAKER_02 17:22

You don't want to do anything, and then you're like, blah blah, you're on call, let's do everything, and then pout. We can't do anything. We never do anything fun. I'm like, okay, calm down.

SPEAKER_01 17:34

Anyone out there who listens to audiobooks, Project Hail Mary, best audiobook I've ever listened to.

SPEAKER_02 17:39

Oh, that's the the Mars space movie with Ryan Reynolds. Space, he goes to space.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

Yeah, I finished that book quick. The audio is amazing. Very excited for Ryan Reynolds. Gosling. That was shameful. It's Ryan Gosling.

SPEAKER_02 17:57

Yeah, it is Ryan Gosling because it'd be better if it was Ryan Reynolds.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

No, it would not. I think I'm mad at him.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

Little dead pole in the sky.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

Okay, he would have been good in that role as well.

SPEAKER_02 18:10

Yeah. Um shot out the World Baseball Classic. That was a real barn burner last night. The US held off and beat the Dominican Republic. Now that oh, what's tomorrow? Championship. Tomorrow. Tune in.

SPEAKER_01 18:32

Shrinking comes out.

SPEAKER_02 18:34

Or you're not a real American.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 18:37

Baseball, America, baseball. I can't even say much. I snow had to text me. Are you watching this game? And I was like, oh shit, I forgot it was on. Tuned in late. Watch the end. It was great.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

You did your due diligence.

SPEAKER_02 18:53

Yeah. Okay, that's all I have now.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

That's all I have, too. Our lives are not very exciting.

SPEAKER_02 19:01

Uh it might it will, it's about to pop off, okay? Why? Because it's gonna get warmer. I'll have more uh uh more golf stories.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

I want you to tell a story about Michael.

SPEAKER_02 19:19

Well, I wasn't gonna say who it was.

SPEAKER_01 19:25

And I don't edit, so it's too late. It's already out there. But that before we pushed record when I was laughing.

SPEAKER_02 19:32

Somebody went golfing this weekend, and uh there was a group in front of them that was far away they didn't think that they could get to. Well, said person hits the driver, and the ball bounces like pretty close to them, apparently. Close enough that he's looking through the rangefinder and sees them like bend down and pick up his ball. And uh he he drives up to uh where his ball's at and he looks down at his ball, he sends me a Snapchat, and on his ball it says, Way to go, you almost hit a kid, and then below that says, Nice pants fag.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

And then he pans down to his pants and he's wearing these like bright baby blue pants. Oh my gosh. I laughed for hours. I thought of it randomly today and laughed. That's so funny.

SPEAKER_02 20:42

Don't cancel me for saying that, but I'm just I'm just gonna nice pants fag. Technically, you didn't say it. They said it. Some kids did. But I guess the the guy that was in that group stayed afterwards and was like, hey, you weren't close to those kids. They were just being It's like it wasn't that bad.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

He's just getting bullied.

SPEAKER_02 21:05

They just wanted to tell him uh talks just about bands. Does Michael listen to our podcast? We'll find out.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

So funny. Okay, I have three stories. Pick which one you want first. Ready?

SPEAKER_02 21:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

My wife went out last night and didn't come home until this morning.

SPEAKER_02 21:35

Ooh, she's in trouble.

SPEAKER_01 21:38

Wait, did we already read? Yeah, whatever. Wife, 37 female.

SPEAKER_02 21:46

I thought you told me to pick a story. You're just gonna pick for me?

SPEAKER_01 21:50

I'm reading the title.

SPEAKER_02 21:52

Oh, sorry. I thought you were going into the wife not coming home.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

We have. My wife went out last night and didn't come home until this morning. Or wife, 37 female, tells me, 38 male, find somewhere else to sleep tonight. Argument over sheets escalated to crazy levels in seconds. Or am I the asshole for ghosting my boyfriend after throwing my dog?

SPEAKER_02 22:19

No one cares about a dog. Let's hear about them sheets.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

The sheets?

SPEAKER_02 22:22

Yeah. Sounds dicey. Like, how are you gonna get so mad over sheets? We're gonna have another pee situation.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

Okay, pause. I asked a bunch of people did he pee in her mouth on purpose?

SPEAKER_02 22:38

It was a consensus yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:40

No. Oh everyone felt the way we did, except one person, Sam, shout out, said, I want to look through his phone to see if he told his friends.

SPEAKER_02 22:52

It was like ha ha pee in your mouth.

SPEAKER_01 22:55

Yeah. And I was like, that's genius, actually. I wouldn't have even thought of that.

SPEAKER_02 23:02

Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 23:05

What sucks is we'll never know.

SPEAKER_02 23:07

The more I thought about it, the more I'm like, you have to like you don't just like accidentally pee with a boner.

SPEAKER_01 23:15

He peed in her mouth on purpose.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

It's kind of seemed that way.

SPEAKER_01 23:19

What a jerk. And with the trauma she already had from her ex. Like, why does this girl get peed on? I've never had this.

SPEAKER_02 23:26

She has a pee onable face. I don't know. Like, you know how some people have a punchable face? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:35

She has like a pee onable face.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

All right, let's get into this story. Wife, 37. They're adults. The story. They're almost in their 40s.

SPEAKER_02 23:48

About the sheets. They take sheets seriously.

SPEAKER_01 23:51

Wife, 37 female, tells me, 38 male, find somewhere else to sleep tonight. Argument over sheets escalated to crazy levels in seconds. I'm typing this from a hotel room. Of course you are. Still swirling with anger, confusion, and sadness. Several weeks ago, my wife, seven years, two kids, and I bought a new mattress, and she also bought new sheets to put on. The old one sat in the laundry room floor for a couple weeks. Tossing some junk recently, I had the dumb idea to toss the old sheets too, thinking we have new ones now.

SPEAKER_02 24:30

Bad idea, mister.

SPEAKER_01 24:31

Wife decides to wash all sheets today and asks where the old ones are. When I explain, she goes ballistic. After she called me fucking retarded, I lost it. Yelling at the top of my lungs to never call me that, and I threw an empty detergent container against the wall and stormed out of the house.

SPEAKER_03 24:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

All right, this is crazy. I don't want to write a novel, so I just say so I'll just say that this happened a couple of times before, and I get really triggered when the attacks go to insulting names. We agreed we'd never cross the line again, and yet here we are. After walking about an hour, she calls and texts, and I don't answer or look. Not ready. After some breathing, I check it, and she wants to know where I put something in the garage. I burst out in tears because after all that, I can't believe this is what she texts me. I text her the info, then turn off my phone. I walk for another hour, calm down, and check text. Quotes, not cool. You whipping things at me has to stop. Next time I will press charges. You hit me with the tide bottle, end quotes. That never happened. I text her, so then power off my phone again. I do a lot of walking and thinking, and my emotions are all over the place. About two hours later she calls me and starts going on a tirade that I've been gone for hours and I better find somewhere else to sleep tonight. I walk for hours, then check into a hotel. A cook a couple more hours, and she asks where I am. When I tell her she says I've abandoned my family. Didn't she tell him not to sleep there? I can't stop cycling between anger, sadness, and fear. I always feel powerless and compelled to apologize, but that my wife doesn't respect me to call me such names. I don't want to blow my life up, but I don't want to lose my dignity. Maybe a fool's choice? Any advice? Question mark.

SPEAKER_02 26:47

Hmm. I don't know if I have advice for him.

SPEAKER_01 26:51

They both sound very immature.

SPEAKER_02 26:53

Yeah, get your pants back, bro.

SPEAKER_01 26:56

Get your what?

SPEAKER_02 26:57

Get your pants back.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

What does that mean? His wife's wearing the pants in the family.

SPEAKER_02 27:02

Yeah. Scouts him by the balls. Probably shouldn't be throwing things and throwing a temper tantrum over. Maybe she shouldn't have called you a retard. But it sounds like this is just one of those toxic relationships. Because then she's like, Where are you at?

SPEAKER_01 27:19

I feel bad for the kids.

SPEAKER_02 27:21

Leave my house and never come back.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

Where are you?

SPEAKER_02 27:25

Yeah. Yeah. Do find a place to stay. And then gets mad that he checked into a hotel.

SPEAKER_01 27:31

You abandoned your family. Yeah.

unknown 27:34

What?

SPEAKER_02 27:36

Over. Oh, this mind you all over some sheets. Some rust, probably crusty old sheets.

SPEAKER_01 27:42

Some old sheets that were sitting on the floor. What is that? The floor of the laundry room. Laundry room floor, there you go. For weeks.

SPEAKER_02 27:53

Yeah. Now I have I have I have thrown a pair of sheets away before. Don't do it.

SPEAKER_01 28:03

Did I get mad at you?

SPEAKER_02 28:05

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:07

Really?

SPEAKER_02 28:08

Mm-hmm. Not like this mad, but like you got mad at me. And I'm like, yo, dog, we have We probably have five pairs of sheets in there. I know that I'm and we s and we cycle between two pairs. But there's another like three or four pairs in the closet.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

Well, if they were the nice Egyptian cotton sheets, then you deserved whatever I said to you. Sheets of Egyptian cotton. Turn it on.

SPEAKER_02 28:41

Did we have Egyptian cotton sheets?

SPEAKER_01 28:43

No. We did when we had our queen. Spent a lot of money on sheets. They weren't Egyptian cotton, but they were nice.

SPEAKER_02 28:51

Yeah, get out of here. They were really nice. What was the threat count?

SPEAKER_01 28:54

High?

SPEAKER_02 28:55

You don't know.

SPEAKER_01 28:55

I spent a lot of money on those sheets.

SPEAKER_02 28:58

Doesn't mean anything.

SPEAKER_01 28:59

They were n like thousand count.

SPEAKER_02 29:03

That's slow.

SPEAKER_01 29:05

I don't know. They were nice. I miss them. We don't want our king because I don't want to spend that kind of money on sheets anymore.

SPEAKER_02 29:12

Yeah, especially when our dogs just get hair everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 29:16

We are just covered in hair 24-7, it's just part of our life.

SPEAKER_02 29:20

I don't know how you do it. Because then you go to work and you get hair everywhere. I know. Maybe that's why.

SPEAKER_01 29:25

I have a hair sliver in my finger currently. Gross. I know.

SPEAKER_02 29:29

Remember that when I pulled out of your foot? Yeah, I don't want to think long. Stop gross. It's like two inches long.

SPEAKER_01 29:34

Yes, that was a terrible time for everyone involved. Back to the story. I think, and I always suggest this, but go to therapy? Yeah. But individual therapy, because it sounds like they're both problematic.

SPEAKER_02 29:50

It sounds like they have some anger, man. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

And that now they're passing on to their children because their children are gonna think this is how you talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 29:58

Oh yeah, this is proper behavior.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 30:01

Proper.

SPEAKER_01 30:04

Well, especially because he said I've talked to her about this before. So this is an ongoing problem. Also, her text, not cool. You whipping things at me has to stop. Next time I'll press charges. So she can emotionally abuse him or verbally abuse him. Yeah. And he can't do anything about it. Probably shouldn't throw things.

SPEAKER_02 30:33

This but she shouldn't have called him a retard. Apparently, that's triggering.

SPEAKER_01 30:39

That is triggering.

SPEAKER_02 30:40

That would make me so mad. It reminded me of Force Gump.

SPEAKER_01 30:44

Why?

SPEAKER_02 30:45

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

What? Why are you bringing him into this?

SPEAKER_02 30:49

Because they call him a retard.

SPEAKER_01 30:50

Oh well you're hurting.

SPEAKER_02 30:52

And then he gets mad. He punches people.

SPEAKER_01 30:56

What are you talking about? When? Does he ever punch oh punches a lot of people? In the Black Panther party.

SPEAKER_02 31:08

Sorry for starting to my fight in the middle of your black panther party.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

We have an update. Should I read some comments first?

SPEAKER_02 31:20

Yeah, let's see if everyone else thinks that they're crazy like us. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 31:27

Top comment. It sounds like you both have some issues and need some therapy. Either separate or together. Yes, what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02 31:37

What I'm saying, dog.

SPEAKER_01 31:38

What I'm saying. Probably both. Maybe I'm extra/slash overly sensitive to it, but I don't think I could handle the back and forth that is scribed between get the fuck out and why have you been gone so long, you're abandoning your family.

SPEAKER_02 31:53

Yeah, that was kind of crazy.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

That basically is abuse, followed by seeking to want him back home or whatever. That seems like something I would have a very hard time dealing with and being able to feel secure and going forward. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

Emotional damage.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

Emotional damage. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:17

That would be like a roller coaster right there. Like high, low, high, low. Like, damn, damn.

SPEAKER_01 32:26

I know. Come at me with some. Big picture. I feel bad for the kids.

SPEAKER_02 32:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:33

You know. Does someone actually I think someone gives good advice because all the people are saying, wow, that was great advice. So I'm going to read it, but it's kind of long.

SPEAKER_02 32:40

Okay, let's hear it.

SPEAKER_01 32:41

I'm going to start off by letting you know I'm a happily married man in my mid-30s. I am not a 14-year-old who has never had the quote, why didn't you turn on the fucking dishwasher fight? I'm mostly going to ignore your wife's actions. I don't care about your linens, and she is not here asking for advice. To be blunt, you have some serious work to do. Your actions are not examples of an emotionally stable person. When you add everything together, the throwing, the severe avoidance, the emotional roller coaster, and the hotel together, it makes me worried about you. I went through anger management classes when I was a younger man. My wife doesn't know. To this day, we have a yelling fight once a year at most. And I'm proud of that. I think that is pretty good. But during our more common disagreements, I really use the techniques I learned over 15 years ago to keep a disagreement from becoming a fight. There's really good counseling out there that can help. As to your wife, well that insult would not fly in my marriage either. She needs to work on her. She needs to work on her. That's the advice I would give her if she was posting. You need to work on you, and you both need to work on your marriage. But just saying that would make me captain obvious. Go back and tell her you're sorry for throwing the thing, and ask her to apologize for the insult. Ask her if she'd be willing to work on the marriage. Tell her you're going to be working on yourself, and do it. If you sweep this under the rug, your marriage will soon be over. So I don't really know. I was hoping he would give some advice of the of the anger management.

SPEAKER_02 34:22

Like tips?

SPEAKER_01 34:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:25

I think he's like, yeah, you gotta go put in the work, dude. Like, go put in the work and be better. I mean, it did seem pretty childish, like.

SPEAKER_01 34:34

Very childish.

SPEAKER_02 34:35

You're gonna throw something at your wife. Even if it wasn't like if you weren't trying to hit her, you were just throwing it in her direction. Pretty childish.

SPEAKER_03 34:46

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 34:47

Like you're almost 40 years old, bro. Go the fuck up.

SPEAKER_01 34:50

Yeah. Alright, let's get to the update. First, thanks to all the replies. It was eye-opening seeing the range of opinions. Some people claiming I'm a moron, pussy, toddler, etc. Another saying lawyer up because I'm being manipulated, gaslit, emotionally abused, etc. The one takeaway I had was that I definitely have some issues and need some kind of therapy, and my marriage is not healthy. This update has three parts and is pretty long, so read whatever parts you want. Oh shant.

SPEAKER_03 35:28

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_01 35:29

Oh god, Ross. It's mildly long. One, what happened next? Two, some more context. Three, conclusions and next steps.

SPEAKER_02 35:44

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_01 35:47

One, what happened next? The next morning, after some deep reflection, I tried calling, but there was no answer, which wasn't too surprising since she starts work early. I followed up with a text. Quotes, I'm coming up to pick up the key to the house. We need to talk tonight. We have much deeper issues in our marriage than I thought. It might be time for counseling. End quote. She replied she's not giving me her key and to not come. It's normal for me to occasionally drop by her work to pick up slash drop things off. The reception knows me. I respond that I need to get in the house to get ready for work, and she says that's not my problem. I could have come home last night. Then she says I can go to her parents' house and ask for their key. With no access to a car, it would take me a few hours to get there and back by transit. I could have called a taxi or a locksmith, but honestly, both options felt a bit humiliating and expensive. Without access to my work computer or a clean change of clothes, I decided to call work and take a sick day. Ts sorry guys, burping. My daughter has a soccer game that night, and it's pretty long journey by transit. So I spend a good part of the day journeying across the city, stopping to grab a bite or a drink along the way, doing a lot of thinking. My phone is almost dead, so I text her that I have no way to charge it, and I'll see her at the game tonight. She replies that she's not driving me home. I can take the bus. Jeez Louise. At the game I get the silent treatment. Her father's there too and asks how I'm doing. I lie and say, I'm okay. After the game my daughter asks if she can ride home in my car. As I open my mouth, my wife shoots me a dirty look and mouths, Don't you dare. It's obvious that she hasn't told anybody about what happened. Her father thinks I drove to the game. I decide to just go with it and say, I'll meet them at home, walking towards a nearby bus stop. I get home around in 10 PM and knock. She lets me in and gives me an earful about how disgusted she is with me. She asks me if I think what I did was okay. Shamefully, I apologize and say how wrong I was. She goes up to our room and closes the door after tossing my pillow and a blanket on the floor. The next morning, aka today, she leaves for work without saying a word to me. I don't like this woman.

SPEAKER_02 38:15

She's a bitch, dude.

SPEAKER_01 38:17

I could not imagine treating you like this.

SPEAKER_02 38:23

He needs to get his balls back.

SPEAKER_01 38:27

Uh yeah, he's kind of just taking it on the chest, which is I would have showed up at her work. Give me the goddamn house key.

SPEAKER_02 38:35

Oh yeah, and I would have been like, yeah, you can come home with me. We have to take the bus. Ask your mom why.

SPEAKER_01 38:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:45

The dad, are you okay? No, your daughter's a bitch and she locked me out of the house.

SPEAKER_01 38:52

Yeah, I just don't understand why she thinks it's okay to treat her partner this way.

SPEAKER_02 38:56

But he just did so much avoiding.

SPEAKER_01 38:59

Yeah. Yeah. Well, like that guy said, You have avoidance problems.

SPEAKER_02 39:05

Well, I can grow up, dude.

SPEAKER_01 39:09

Do we want more context or go straight to conclusion?

SPEAKER_02 39:12

Give me the conclusion. I'm over this guy.

SPEAKER_01 39:16

Conclusion. Currently, I'm in a figurative doghouse. I'm going to pay for what I've done through cold stairs, unnecessary snaps.

SPEAKER_04 39:25

What do you do?

SPEAKER_01 39:26

Making my life inconvenient at every turn until she's satisfied that I've fallen back in line and things can go back to quote normal. I've seen this pattern before and know how it goes. When things go back to normal, we can talk about her behavior, but bringing up now will just be reframed as me making her the villain and trying to play victim. I'm going to get therapy. It's not an easy step. So I've I've been really successful in life, but one thing I struggle with is asking for help. I need to understand what's happening to me. My behavior is some seriously messed up, unhealthy shit. My marriage is not what I thought it is. I deeply regret the whole incident. I wish I didn't act childish and turn my phone off. I wish I came back to the house and tried to work things out. I'm not sure what I was thinking except that I was really shaken about what happened and calling into question if my wife even loved me. I was scared to enter into another argument or conversation without getting some clarity first, and really wanted some sign from my wife that she wanted me to come back or at least acknowledge that things got out of control. I'm going to try and get my wife into therapy and marriage counseling together. I'm not sure if she will in her mind. This is all my shit to deal with. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:43

And there's a very big stigma around any kind of therapy/slash mental illness, mental health issues in her family. It's an embarrassment to them. Even though clearly some of them have super obvious issues.

SPEAKER_02 40:56

Yeah, sounds like they're the problem.

SPEAKER_01 40:59

One final thought. I don't feel good about growing old with my wife. I worry that if my mental capacity goes before, she's going to unfairly punish me when I screw up. Losing things, throwing things out, whatever. I don't know if she'll be there for me. And that's a really scary thought. I really hope therapy will help our marriage. Edit. Wow. So while typing this, my po typing this post, my wife sent me a text that she thinks I should take the bus into work because I'm in no condition to drive. I didn't think much of it until I went to leave the house and realized she removed the car keys from my keychain. I have no access to the car. I'm really freaking out.

SPEAKER_02 41:41

Call the locksmith, bro. Get a new key mate.

SPEAKER_01 41:43

For his car? Oh. Edit two. I texted her to say it's not okay for her to remove my access to the car. She replied, quote, You're in no condition to drive. All I need is for you to get into an accident. You were tired and on a regular day, aren't most the wear driver. You'll be worse today. Looking out for your well-being. End quotes. I am furious. Like my hands are shaking. I can't believe it.

SPEAKER_02 42:09

This lady is controlling, bro. You lost it when you lost all power to her, bro. Not trying to be like misogynistic or anything, but look where it got him.

SPEAKER_01 42:29

There's another update I'm trying to scan.

SPEAKER_03 42:32

Oh my gosh, dude.

SPEAKER_01 42:39

I'm planning on getting a divorce. Probably a good idea. Like I don't say that often. I need therapy. I can't do something so drastic based slowly on a Reddit thread. If a therapist echoes red Reddit's sentiment, I will accelerate.

SPEAKER_03 42:59

I d okay.

SPEAKER_02 43:07

Yeah, he messed up and he threw the frickin' tide bottle. Okay. That seems like something we can get over. The fact that he's still here days later being punished for this and then for trying to remove himself from the situation from the situation and she's punishing him for that. Doesn't let him home, makes him run around, take the buses and all this stuff. Now he's tired. She's like, I'm taking your keys because you're just not well to drive. You're so tired.

SPEAKER_01 43:43

She reminds me of the type of woman who would yell at your server.

SPEAKER_02 43:48

She reminds me of the type of woman um what's it called? What's that show we watched where the girl where the girl Gets poisoned. Dix mixie wrote, Dixie wrote.

SPEAKER_01 44:03

Oh, the mom? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:06

What is that called?

SPEAKER_03 44:07

Um. Stockholm syndrome? No, that's not it.

SPEAKER_02 44:15

Is that it? That's not it.

SPEAKER_01 44:17

No. Someone out there is screaming at us. They know what it is.

SPEAKER_02 44:20

Probably talent yelling at me right now. It's this gypsy rose.

SPEAKER_01 44:25

Gypsy Rose, but what is that called?

SPEAKER_02 44:30

Um, it's called gosh darn it, it's run on the tip of my tongue. It's called Munchhausen. Munchhausen. That's she reminds me of that.

SPEAKER_01 44:45

I know she yells at servers. I know she's a Karen.

SPEAKER_02 44:50

She's not a nice lady, I'll tell you that.

SPEAKER_01 44:52

No, she is not.

SPEAKER_02 44:55

She's not portraying nice lady qualities.

SPEAKER_01 44:58

No, she's not.

SPEAKER_02 44:59

You know what's kind of crazy?

SPEAKER_01 45:01

Hmm.

SPEAKER_02 45:02

As we're talking about this, but in church yesterday he said God comes first in your life, then your marriage, then your kids. Nobody be doing that. And w look at all the stories we're reading.

SPEAKER_01 45:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:22

All these people get lost. And it's probably easy for us to say, because we don't have a k our kid's not here yet. Mm-hmm. So it's easy to be like, you have to put your marriage first and your kids come after that.

SPEAKER_03 45:35

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 45:36

It's easy for us to say, but if you think about it in the big picture, like it really is key for your kids' future to be able to see a healthy marriage and how to talk to people and how to interact and how to navigate living with somebody and just all the basic functions of life and and interacting with other human beings, they're learning by watching you and your spouse.

SPEAKER_01 46:16

Yeah. Yeah. It's easy for us to say without kids, but there's so many like yeah, like everything you're saying. Everything about your kid and who they are and their development will be such they'll be such a better person if you actually do put your marriage first. You prioritize your marriage over their needs. Because when it's them, them, them, that's when they start to get that mentality where the world revolves around them. I mean they don't know any different. Right. Yeah, that'll be challenging.

SPEAKER_02 46:52

And I'm sure it gets harder as they get older and you have more kids. Well, yeah, because they're just they need everything to do. This kid's gotta go to baseball practice, and this kid's gotta go to cheerleading, and this kid's got detention or freaking whatever. You know, and you got three play there's two of us, three of them, like this one needs a new baseball glove, and this, you know, like so it's so easy to just like lose track and you're focusing all of your energy into putting on your kids on these kids, and you're not you're not refilling your marriage cup, and so it just dwindles, and then you get tired and you're irritable, and then you will people have fights and it tears people apart.

SPEAKER_01 47:37

And I think Then you're fighting about the sheets.

SPEAKER_02 47:39

Yeah, then you're fighting about the sheets. So I think it's just really important that like you guys make time, everybody that we all make time for our marriages to keep them in healthy positions and healthy healthy places.

SPEAKER_03 47:56

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 47:58

Yeah. Well, that's all the time we have for you today, everybody. Next week it'll be my wife went out last night and didn't come home until this morning.

SPEAKER_02 48:08

Naughty, naughty, naughty. That is the opposite of filling up your marriage cup. It's a one way to drain it real quick.

SPEAKER_01 48:17

Seriously.

SPEAKER_02 48:19

All right, guys. Well, thanks for tuning in. We love you. Thanks for the support. You know the deal. Like it, subscribe to it, give somebody a hug. Peace. Oh, yeah, share with a friend.