Episode 38 Helping Others Without Losing Yourself

Episode 38 Helping Others Without Losing Yourself

In this episode I talk about something that crept up on me without me realising it — the weight of carrying other people's struggles when you've been open about your own.

When you've been honest about what you've been through, people start opening up to you. That's a good thing. But I found myself pouring out more than I was putting back in, and that's not something you can sustain.

I share what that felt like, what I had to get honest with myself about, and why just showing up — steady, honest, not running on empty — is more useful than trying to fix anything for anyone.

If you're the one people lean on, your own head needs looking after first. The 7-Day Mind Reset Plan is free, and it's in the link below.

https://strongerafterthestorm.com/the-7-day-mind-reset-plan/

 I'm taking a short break over the next couple of weeks, but I'll be back with more soon. 

This is Stronger After the Storm. I'm Dougie — a Scottish Borders forestry contractor who had a heart attack at 50, and I'm here to be the man a few steps further down the road that I wish I'd met when I first got home.

💻 Visit StrongerAfterTheStorm.com — the home of the podcast and weekly Reflection Letters.  
📩 Each week I write an honest letter for men rebuilding life after a heart attack. You can sign up on the site.  
🎧 Make sure to follow the podcast so you don’t miss the next episode.  
⭐ If something in this episode helped you, please leave a review on Apple or Spotify — it really helps more men find us.  
🤝 And if you know someone going through the same storm, share this with him. It might be just what he needs today.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

When you've been through something hard and men start telling you about what they've been through, that's a good thing until it isn't, and I mean that in the best possible way. You see, when you've been through something traumatic, like a heart attack, and you start sharing that with others, they start sharing their things too with you, and that's a good thing. I was talking to a mate at work the other day, and I was telling him about all I was doing here at Stronger After the Storm, why I thought about it and why I started it. I said to him that I wanted to tell my story about my heart attack recovery in the hope that it would help men of a similar age in their recovery. And he started telling me things about what he would he'd been through recently. And I said to him, You shouldn't sit on that, you should go to your doctor because it could turn into something really major very quickly. Us men are hopeless at just recognising that there's something wrong and just going to the doctor and get checked out. We just sit with things way too long until it's too late. And by the end of our conversation, he turned around to me and he says, You know what, that's a good thing that you're doing. And I honestly think I'm gonna go to the doctor and get myself checked out. And when I was um when I was driving back home from work that night, I thought, wow, maybe this thing that I'm doing really does matter, and that matters to me more than I can describe. But there's something I've had to learn along the way. It's something that caught me out, it's something I should have seen coming, but I didn't. You see, when you understand the fear of the trauma, when you understand the uncertainty of what you're going through and what you've been through, you've got a lot of experience there, and other people relate to that, and they start telling you about their woes, and that's a good thing, but the thing is sometimes you feel like a little bit responsible, and you want to help them, and when you've been somebody that's helped people all your days, it's kind of hard to step back from that. But the thing is, you've got to look after yourself first, and there was a time not long after I started this that I felt myself that I was I was pouring out more than I was taking back in, and I had to step back and I had to get real about what this all is. This isn't me having all the answers, this isn't me having the way to fix anybody. This is just me being honest, showing up, being real, telling my story in the hope that somebody out there can relate to certain bits and it helps them and their recovery. You see, you've got to look after yourself first. If you're running on half empty, you just can't sustain that for long enough. So you have to be real with yourself. Look after yourself first. The seven-day mind reset plan that I put together, it's free, not a fix. The link's in the description below if you want it. It's something that I put together looking back on the early days of my recovery, and it's a things that it may just help you when your head's all over the place with what you've been through, and you need a little something to kind of just steady you down. And if you're the man that everybody leans on, if you're the one that helps everybody and you always have, let me know in the comments below. Let me know if you're carrying a bit too much weight on that kind of side of things, because I'm sure I'm not the only one that does that, and I'd like to know. I read everyone. So genuinely look after yourself first and then help others. This is Stronger After the Storm. I'm Dougie. Thank you for listening, and I'll see you next time.