The House Nextdoor - Where Real Estate and Real Life Meet

Colleagues, Not Competitors

Anthony Harris & Barbara Giglio Season 1 Episode 9

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Deals don’t fall apart because a contract is impossible; they fall apart because egos get louder than outcomes. We dig into the real craft of real estate—diplomacy, restraint, and collaboration—and why treating other agents as colleagues, not enemies, makes clients happier and closings smoother. The mantra that drives our approach is simple: economics over ego. We unpack what that looks like when tensions spike, when a seller feels “insulted,” or when a buyer is rattled by a long inspection. You’ll hear how we set boundaries with difficult agents, when we switch to email-only and involve managers, and how we keep clients informed without flooding them with behind-the-scenes drama.

We walk through the practical tools that keep negotiations on track: scripts that present low offers with respect, strategies for reframing value without inflaming pride, and methods for preventing costly standoffs over pennies. We also talk about the support systems that matter—experienced transaction coordinators, hands-on sales managers, and mentors who will call out your blind spots. This is the stuff real estate school never taught: emotional control, tone management, and the discipline to remember it’s not your money and not your decision.

Tough market? That’s where skill shows. We share how top agents are pivoting with proactive communication, creative deal structures, and clear expectations around appraisals, repairs, and due diligence. Less heat, more clarity. Less theater, more progress. If you’re ready to protect your clients, preserve your reputation, and close more deals with fewer scars, this conversation gives you the playbook to do it.

If this hit home, subscribe, leave a quick review, and share it with a colleague who could use a calmer deal next week.

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Colleagues Over Competitors

SPEAKER_02

There's a saying that like in the real estate world that you don't you don't hang out with other realtors because they don't bring you business. They do. They do bring you business.

SPEAKER_00

They're your colleagues. Yep. They're not your competitors. And there's enough for everybody to go around. When we're in negotiations with the other realtor, it isn't our money. It isn't our house. We're there to bring the parties together to make a decision where the sellers win, the buyers win, you know. We're here to get it closed for our parties because they want to sell a product, they want to buy a product. Don't let our own egos of I'm gonna win this negotiation cost that. Welcome to the house next door with Barbara Gillio. And Anthony Harris. Where real estate meets reality. Welcome back. Welcome back to the House Next Door. Where real estate meets reality. So this week's episode is gonna be about something kind of important that we never talk about. Well, I mean, I don't say that we never talk about it, but it's something that isn't discussed enough, I think, and that's getting along with other agents. You know, that's a huge part of being a realtor.

SPEAKER_02

I think a big part of our business is relationships, with clients, buyers, sellers, realtors, titles, title companies, like builders, lenders. It's all of it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. It's all relationships. And we focus so much burn bridges. You can't burn bridges. I have burned a few. But you learn. You learn.

SPEAKER_02

I try not to, but you know, sometimes I tell people how it is.

SPEAKER_00

Sometimes, yeah, exactly. And I think it's just something that's not discussed amongst you know realtor culture very much in in terms of you know, people think about what's important. Oh, trying to get your lead source and feed your database and take care of your clients.

Relationships Fuel Referrals

SPEAKER_02

Some of my best clients come from referrals from other agents outside of the market that I know. That's great. And I I think there's value to even there's a saying that like in the real estate world that you don't you don't hang out with other realtors because they don't bring you business. They do. They do bring you business.

SPEAKER_00

They do, absolutely. And they're your colleagues. Yep. They're not your competitors. And there's enough business, right? There's enough. And I see, you know, collaboration. I like to collaborate with other realtors rather than be competitive with them. But I know there's a lot of realtors who are competitive and that's what fuels them. But for me, it's all about the collaboration.

SPEAKER_02

There could be a balance too. So was it last week when I went to Tom Ferry?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you went to Tom Ferry, was so jealous.

SPEAKER_02

It was it was really good. Um, apparently next year it's gonna be in California.

SPEAKER_00

Um I'm gonna try to make it. Yeah, I need to make it.

Economics Over Ego

SPEAKER_02

It was three days of long, it was long, but it there was so much information. Um one of the big takeaways though was um he his big preaching was economics over ego. And he talked about the importance of letting your ego go.

SPEAKER_00

That's amazing. Yeah. Right there. The importance of letting your ego go. Economics over ego. Wow, that's that's pretty powerful.

SPEAKER_02

Because at the end of the day, as realtors, we have a buyer or seller, and we have another, like the other agent has a buyer or seller here to make a transaction work. We're not here to like toot our horns or we're here to sell houses.

SPEAKER_00

And I've always learned, like one of my early on mentors said, remember this, Barbara. Not your money, it's not your decision. You're there to facilitate the transaction to make sure that all parties are getting, you know, your party is getting what they need. You're there to bring the parties together. You're not there to make the decision, it's not your money. Don't act like it is.

SPEAKER_02

I yeah, I always tell my clients, um, especially multiple offers, I say, this is what the comps show. This is my suggestion. If you love this house, you can afford this house. It's not my money, you're the one making the decision.

SPEAKER_00

Not my money, not my decision. I'm here to facilitate. Yep.

SPEAKER_02

And I leave it up to them because it's not I'm not buying it. I'm not writing that check.

SPEAKER_00

Well, and when we're in negotiations with the other realtor, we're there to bring the parties together to make a decision where the sellers win, the buyers win. We're here to get it closed for our parties because they want to sell a product, they want to buy a product. Don't let our own egos of I'm gonna win this negotiation cost that for our seller or buyer.

SPEAKER_02

There's agents out there that's that are they will fight tell like nail and tooth to every penny, even though their client could care less.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly. They and they know what their bottom line is, but it's about the ego to get this number and to win, and then you now you're playing like it's your money and your decision, and you're costing a transaction for your client.

SPEAKER_02

And and you're kind of ruining you're ruining relationship on all ends. You're ruining it with that realtor on the other side, you're ruining it with your buyer, even though your buyer still sticks to you, you're ruining it. I have a poor buyer that I've helped buy and sell a few homes, and I feel like every every time we get in a transaction, we get the crazy nut seller. The agents have been good, but it's the ego of the buyer and the sellers.

SPEAKER_00

Oh wait, and see, and that's and that's where we we are supposed to come in and calm everybody down.

SPEAKER_02

Well, with one of theirs, the bu the buyer got mad at the realtor and went and talked to the realtor and ghosted them in the middle of the transaction. So then the lender became the realtor.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02

But we still had that in-between person. Yeah. Because and they were, you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

It was if it if we don't talk about it, we don't talk about, you know, when I have friends that say, Hey, I want to get into real estate, it looks fun. I love showing houses.

SPEAKER_02

Let me tell you the other stuff.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and I'm like showing houses is a part of it.

SPEAKER_02

If we can get the door open. If we can get the door open. And that's another episode.

Not Your Money, Not Your Decision

SPEAKER_00

But um, but there's this other part of it. There's this dynamics of being a diplomat, being a peacemaker, and also having your ego completely shredded at times and having to suck it up for somebody else, for your client who you have a fiduciary to. And there are people that ask me about being a realtor where I'm like, oh, I don't know that you can do that. I mean, it's a learned skill.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

But it in most people, you know, they can, but there are some personalities or it's there's people that I don't think can be effective in a great realtor. Yeah. It's just one of those things we we don't get taught.

SPEAKER_02

That's something we learn out in the So in real estate school, you never took personalities one-on-one.

SPEAKER_00

I feel like that would be a good subject in real estate school is Yeah, but let's be honest.

SPEAKER_02

All real estate school is yeah taught us how to write a contract. It that's all we use from there.

SPEAKER_00

It's kind of like bartending school, I feel like. Like you learn how to measure with like food coloring, but then you go behind the bar and you're like, oh, I'm gonna make a drink.

SPEAKER_02

And that's that's kind of your whole bar is drunk because you can't imagine.

SPEAKER_00

It's so, so very important that we play nice in the in the sandbox. Yep. But it doesn't mean that we're pushovers. We gotta throw an elbow here and there. But there's ways to do it effectively, yeah, where you don't let somebody steamroll you, but you also don't let your ego take center stage to the transaction because then you're not serving your clients well.

SPEAKER_02

And I think we both could name agents then the big ego.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I have a list. I have an actual list.

SPEAKER_02

I remember you telling me that if there's a listing agent of a certain person, you would have another agent go open up the lockbox.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I do. I do. And um guilty as charged. Guilty as charged. Like I have certain agents were and I'm not proud of this. There that I have to call and be like, could you pop the lock on this? Because I can't let that agent see that I'm showing their off.

SPEAKER_02

You know, so I have one, and you know, I have one that's a whole team. I think I've made every single agent on the team mad. Right. Not that I don't know if it's to the point of if I brought them another offer, it would do anything. But it wasn't my ego, it was what my clients wanted. Like both of them backed out, and they were but one of them was the ego of it, the other agent. We were under contract, and the first day, so we went under contract at like 5 p.m. the night before that morning. My client called the city because he wanted to find out what he could do with this piece of property. It was land. The city told him that the current owner has been trying to build a home on it, but they've stopped construction because the city will not allow that. The city won't allow anything there, and it was never disclosed to us. We had a large option period that we bought. It was like 30 or 45 days, and so I told my client because he called me, he's like, We need to terminate. I was like, Well, I'm gonna try to get you some money back from your option period because it was doomed to begin with.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you could never do anything.

SPEAKER_02

You know, and he was fine losing y'all, obviously, because he put that down as option.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but it's frustrating when the the other party knew and chose not to disclose. It's almost like they're collecting option fees, which isn't ethical.

SPEAKER_02

I told the other agent, I said, Hey, we know that your seller knew about this, and we think it's fair if you just split the option period with us. She's like, Well, that's not what the contract says. The contract says that. And I was like, Okay, well, get with your seller and let me know. And she got back to me. She said, Nope, they're not doing it. I said, Okay, well, we have 45 So you just waited them out. And it's on the market under contract, and so nobody else is making it. I'm not proud of that, but it's yeah, and that might have been my go-to.

Diplomacy, Peacemaking, And Personality

SPEAKER_00

And that's big of you to say, you know, to admit that I'm guilty of that, especially early on in my career. There there are some things that's not our proudest moment. That are not my proudest moments. Like my first two years in real estate. I had a learning curve, and I think most agents do, but I had one, and there was this agent, she was a difficult transaction. It was really a tough one. I was getting all really hard transactions early on. The inspection I'm still getting hard transactions. Wait, I think that I just got used to it. No, it's just relapping. Now I just got used to it.

SPEAKER_02

But this now we have a podcast talking about it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. This this house was a nightmare. And it had a long like I think the inspection report was something like 40 pages of things that were called out, which is a lot. And it was only my third inspection report I had ever seen. And this age, this agent and I were getting along so well. We were doing everything right. We were just doing our best for each of our clients and then collaborating together to figure out how can we make this work. And then somehow we got sideways. It was so long ago, I don't quite remember the exact thing, but we got sideways and my ego got flared. Like I just got, I didn't even know I had that big of an ego.

SPEAKER_02

And did you know that in the in that moment? No.

SPEAKER_00

Or after the fact, it was after the fact, after I said something I really regret. Something about we had some technical difficulties when I was gonna say something. I feel like we have technical difficulties every time we the computer was so mad at me, didn't want to hear what I was gonna say, just turned off on me.

SPEAKER_02

Well, your husband did tell us to plug it in. He did tell us.

SPEAKER_00

And we didn't listen. Here we are. So where we were uh a second ago was I didn't realize I had this ego flare when this agent and I got sideways. And all of a sudden it became all about me, and I made it very personal. And I forgot that that is not how this is supposed to go. And so I said mean things, like just not mean things, but you know, I cursed. I said, I said, You don't have to say the word. Well, should I just say it? We'll bleep it out. We'll have to bleep it out because swear words. I said, You should just get in your phone. That's what it says. And then she's like, Oh, really, should I now? Because she's a seasoned agent and I was new. And she's like, You were such a delight to work with until now. She's like, Wow, that I haven't had somebody tell me that. And so I was just so mad. I ended up hanging up, she hung up, it was all this whatever. And then I just sat in my bedroom. What did I just do? What did I just do? And I called my mentor.

SPEAKER_02

Probably should have called me a broker.

SPEAKER_00

My mentor was way better. This is the same mentor who uh smoked that joint that time that was supposed to help me with open up. She's a great mentor.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, because she's calm and collected.

SPEAKER_00

She well, she was. She's like, Okay, I've done that before. And I've had somebody do that to me before. She's like, it happens. And then, but she was real. She's like, This is your ego. She just, you got your ego involved. This isn't about you, Barb. You're in the wrong. This is about your clients. Did you apologize? She said, You said your number one thing you need to do right now is pick up that phone and apologize. And you tell her you were out of line. Did you do it? Yeah, I did. And it was a hard conversation to have, but I realized I was so wrong. And I let my emotions and my ego and myself take over a very hard transaction. And my clients were relying on me not to do that. And so I called her back and I apologized. And I was just really honest. I said, Hey, that was my ego. That was almost, you know, my inexperience, and it has nothing to do with you. That is all on me, and I am so sorry. And she was like, Thank you so much. She's like, I've actually done that too.

SPEAKER_02

It's like I don't think I've ever blown up. I'll complain to my friends about someone and I I'll hang up and start yelling, or I'll type a text message and delete it. I but I don't think I've ever, but not yet. I've had a plenty of times when I wanted to. I say very factual things whenever I get it. I had one not too long ago, and thank God I have a great transaction coordinator.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, you do. I used to have Anthony's transaction coordinator, but then I left my brokerage and she couldn't come with me, so I got another one. And then I came back to the brokerage where Anthony is, and I could get her back, but then I I have fallen in love with my new transaction coordinator. So my transaction coordinator is my lifeline. So mine is too.

SPEAKER_02

Um and she she has her broker's license, and so she's Oh, she knows her stuff, yeah. Yeah, and so she can put agents into line um when they don't see eye to eye.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, yeah, she can. I have seen it first.

When Ego Derails A Deal

SPEAKER_02

She texted me yesterday or a couple days ago, and she's like, This agent doesn't know what they're doing. Do you want me to do it the right way? And I was like, Yes, like and at the end of the day, it doesn't change the outcome, but we have a strict compliance department. Yes, we do that wants to make sure that we're following everything correctly. Yes. And so I was like, compliance is gonna send it back to us, so let's just do it and do it correctly for that. That's where I let my ego.

SPEAKER_00

I was like, you know, and I had a few other times where I butted heads with realtors. Like I've I've had to, in fact, in the year 2023, I remember calling my sales manager and saying, you know what my issue is? My issue has nothing to do with how hard the market is. The market's hard. My buyers are struggling, my sellers are struggling. We're we're overcoming those obstacles. We're getting things closed, we're finding properties, we're being able to negotiate. Those are what I consider the hardest obstacles. And I just was so tired of other realtors. Guys, I can't. If I have to deal with another e-hole realtor, I'm gonna lose it. And I was like, it's just like everybody has lost their darn mind. When the like when the market's easy, everybody's just like trucking along, getting along.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you know, I talked to my mom about that. Is whenever the market gets hard, people get ugly. They get ugly, they get very ugly. I guess out of desperation, I don't they that's their next paycheck, which I understand completely, but also if you do write by your clients, they'll do you right.

SPEAKER_00

Well, and and I think a lot of people don't have a lot of experience in having hard conversations in diplomatic ways. They just when real estate was easy, it you know, you're you're writing contracts, you're really not negotiating too much. Okay, this is what we gotta do to get this house. There's not a whole lot of going in between and trying to negotiate on both sides. When markets get hard, you gotta start thinking outside the box. You have to start communicating more with the other agent, and you've got to have harder conversations where somebody might give you some attitude, and then you've got to kind of figure out how to navigate that. And you want to try to keep this transaction together and everybody happy. But there's some agents that just don't have a lot of experience with those intrapersonal skills, and it's the ego again, like I didn't in the beginning.

SPEAKER_02

And I feel like some of the top producers also have an ego problem. You might have got them top dollar or bottom dollar if you're buyer or seller, but I don't think you made everybody mad at you in the process.

SPEAKER_00

For me, I'm more just the other realtor. That's where I'm more like focused is how do we get through this transaction? Because you're getting in the way of it. You, Mr. Buyer's agent, are seriously getting in the way of this transaction. And I know your your seller or buyer or whatever doesn't know this. And I've got to somehow try to keep keep this.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, exactly. That's the finish line.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly. Without compromising anything that my my client has to give, or you know, within reason. When we have to compromise not saying my ego is now in the way, my ego's fine, but I hear when you don't tell your clients any of this, right? You this is behind closed doors. It's so crazy. I see some agents that are copying and pasting conversations.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, I had one that you screenshot be doing. Screenshotted my conversation, and not that I say anything that's bad, right, but I don't think that's in your best interest. No. You should paraphrase and get the point across how you know your clients. I don't know your clients, different clients act a different way.

SPEAKER_00

People don't necessarily need feedback that's verbatim, yeah. They need it a different way. Or, you know, letting another agent know how not letting another letting your client know how how hard it is on the other side. And I have made this mistake with some clients. I've I made this mistake more than once with some clients.

SPEAKER_02

But I feel like sometimes I tell my clients that the other side's being challenging.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And I know what to share and what not to share.

SPEAKER_00

There's ways that you share it because sometimes you You have to.

SPEAKER_02

It's like this is the situation that we're in. This is really the only way that we can overcome it. Is we have to give into this to get this.

SPEAKER_00

Or you you have to see the full picture to understand how we have to negotiate a a slightly different way. And I guess I'm more talking about the stuff where it isn't necessary, it's totally the unnecessary BS that nobody needs to know that the other agent is just doing to you, just to do to you, to to intimidate you, or for whatever reason. And that's the stuff we don't need to share. Yeah. And I I generally never share that ever because I don't want my clients to be stressed out. And it doesn't make a difference. My my mother, right now, she's in a she has a realtor who does this. She tells her everything.

SPEAKER_02

And by the way, her realtor's in a different state. Yeah, not here.

SPEAKER_00

Otherwise, she would be, she is me here. But she's just my mom is a it's a wreck. And I'm like, what's going on? And she tells me like this go-between that her realtor shares with her about what's going on behind the scenes. I'm like, mom, that none of that is even necessary for you to know. I said, that's just two realtors and their egos basically, you know, knocking. This has nothing to do with you or your transactions.

SPEAKER_02

Economics over egos.

SPEAKER_00

Economics over egos. Because I'm like, my mom is never going to use this. Well, obviously she lives here now, so she's only going to use me. But for California, they sell a property in California. Yeah. They will never use her again because it's been such a miserable experience because they've been on this roller coaster with her just sharing stuff that is totally irrelevant. It just, I can't say enough how important it is that we all try to get along. And we try to be fair to each party, but we also try to be fair in our communications with uh with the other agent. We're not not returning calls and we're not this, that, the other. We have a fiduciary to communicate, you know. Sometimes we don't have to.

SPEAKER_02

Sometimes we might have to open a bottle of wine first and then call tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00

There have been some instances where I've said, okay, that's it. We're not going to have any phone conversations anymore. We're just doing full email and I'll copy my sales manager on it because we need to keep track of this. Because there are I've had a couple agents where they just want to get you on the phone.

SPEAKER_02

By the way, we have the best sales manager. We do. Because Amanda is amazing. Yes.

SPEAKER_00

She's wonderful. And really, shout out to Realty Austin, Compass. They take such good care of us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And I I had a problem, not and it might have been a little bit of my ego, but honestly, it was fueled by the other agent's ego. Yeah. It was very fueled, and things were transpired that shouldn't have been or shouldn't have happened. But but she stepped in.

SPEAKER_00

You get a good broker who can step in and kind of you know just help mediate and have your back. And and also if you're wrong, help you to understand where you need to take some accountability.

SPEAKER_02

Casting out another agent.

Keep Clients Out Of Agent Drama

SPEAKER_00

But it's you know, it's a process of learning how to interact with one another. And back to 2023 when I was telling my it was not Amanda, was my salesman, was not my sales manager. I was at a different brokerage. Um, and he he was a great sales manager and he really did give me good advice. He was saying, hey, if it's too much for you right now, do what you gotta do. You know, do everything through email and just don't let all the emotion start getting on you because you're holding emotion for your clients, you're holding all the stress for them, protecting them from this. But if you don't have somewhere to let that go, it's gonna start wearing on you. And then that's where we have our ego flares, or we get burned out and don't want to do real estate anymore. So that was really good advice. He said, So it's okay. If you don't want to talk to this agent, just do email. Take the emotion out of it and they hate it. And when I started to do that, this particular agent who is very emotional and all caps would email, well, since this agent won't talk to me on the phone, I'm like, well, there's no reason. We're under contract with everything that is, we're taking care of everything that's necessary through email, but I'm not engaging in this cat and mouse game. It's not, we're not Bravo TV, we're not selling sunset, we're we're really boring realtors who are facilitating a transaction for heaven's sakes. Come on, get your crap together, go play that out on your girlfriends or whatever. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

Therapist, we're therapists, wine bottles, not me. Well, and then I don't know if you do this, but I I'm full of some emotion, but I know when to share and when not to. And so I'll go and I'll do a new text message and I won't put a two number and I'll type up and same with email. I'll type up this text message or type up this email, I'll let it sit there, I'll ponder on it, then I copy and paste it, put it into chat GPT. Chat GPT, make it nice, and I was like, this is what I want, and then then it spit something out. I'm like, okay, that's still a little harsh. I'll come back to it tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00

What do you do, back? You go, uh, chat GPT revise to be less harsh.

SPEAKER_02

So I put ChatGPT, make this nicer. And like I had one the other day where we lowballed them. And so I chat tap typed in to chat, can you tell the agent that we feel like this is the value and we do not want to insult the seller? Because that's the number one thing. When you get a lowball offer, the seller's like, ah, I'm insulted. Right. Whatever that means, ego. And so it spit out this lovely email.

SPEAKER_01

Oh.

SPEAKER_02

Because I wanted it to combat what I knew would come from it. Uh, another brokerage I worked at, our sales meetings were all ego. There was a couple people in particular that had high egos, and they felt like they were right over the other egos. So this was just like their chance to brag. Just let it out.

SPEAKER_00

These sales meetings were an hour and a half of nothing. People fighting. There was no value there. That's those sales meetings can be like that. Yeah, but not ours. Ours is like it's all chunkful of like feedback and collaboration and market updates and hey, how are your open houses? How are my open houses? And just trying to be able to get some sort of feedback so we can all figure out how to navigate this market better for our clients. And I love being in a brokerage that does that.

SPEAKER_02

So and we talked about Tom Ferry with the ego, the economics over ego. A big part of the conference as well was talking about how to navigate this market. It's people, you know, the famous thing is it's the market. The market sucks. I can't make money because of the market. There's people at our brokerage that have done 40 million dollars in sales this year. It's not the market.

SPEAKER_00

They pivoted.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, they got creative. And yes, the market's not great, but they're still buying and selling. There's still people buying and selling.

SPEAKER_00

There will always be people who are buying and selling.

Boundaries, Email-Only, And Broker Support

SPEAKER_02

Always pivoting your mind and really understanding how to change your your business, your mindset, and not being afraid of change and not being afraid. And being proactive, not reactive.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And I think that's the struggle right now out there. And why we're seeing some of these hard interactions with other agents who are they're worried, they're afraid, they're stressed, they're not very experienced in some of this stuff, or they are adapting to change and they're doing great, and they just have that moment where the emotion gets over them.

SPEAKER_02

And it's I hear the dogs licking.

SPEAKER_00

So my huge dogs are laying on the floor and they are licking their huge paws.

SPEAKER_02

And all in my ears, I hear the dog licking.

SPEAKER_00

Alright, we're gonna wrap this up, guys, on that. Because I think my dogs need to go outside.

SPEAKER_02

Do you remember? Like, comment, share, all the time.

SPEAKER_00

Share, subscribe, all those good things. Yes. Until next time. See you next week. Thank you for tuning in. We'll see you next week. Yes, so please like, subscribe, comment, share, follow. Whatever it might be. Until next time.