In Which Our Hero Definitely Has to Save the World

It’s Ness’s twelfth birthday! Nothing in the whole wide universe could ruin a rockin day like that. Nothing, of course, except the horrible news that the weird events of the night before were NOT a dream! Now, with his lucky red cap on his shaggy head, his new red high-tops tied, and his brand-new Gutsy Bat in hand, Ness steps outside the safety of his house to save the world as we know it! Will he make it to the next bus to Twoson? Will he dodge the no-good Shark gang and the third-strongest  officers in the Onett police department? And just who was that strange kung-fu boy, anyway, someone from Dalaam, maybe?

Find out on this week’s episode of… The Podcast Against Giygas!

ROCKIN!!!

Transcript

It's The Podcast Against Giygas!

Garrett McMahon 0:00

You're listening to the podcast against Giygas. Episode 2, in which our hero definitely has to save the world.

Garrett McMahon 0:32

Today was the day! The moment Ness woke, he realized what specific day was before him and shook off all sleepiness. He leaped out of bed and scrambled into his clothes for the day: Jean shorts, his best blue and yellow striped shirt, and his favorite red baseball cap, quite beat up from wear, but still just as good as when his dad first put it on his head, which amazingly fit him as well as it did his dad's head when he was the same age. King bounded off the bed and ran around the room with him, just as excited as his human. He went to his calendar, crossed off the whole day previous, and put a big red circle around the current day, bearing a scribbled note that said "my birthday."

Garrett McMahon 1:13

He practically galloped down the stairs into the kitchen, following his nose to one of his favorite smells.

Garrett McMahon 1:18

Yes! Steak for breakfast!

Garrett McMahon 1:21

Yes, indeed, there was his mother, just finishing up basting the sizzling cuts with butter and rosemary.

Garrett McMahon 1:27

Happy birthday, sweetie. Go on and have a seat, it's almost medium rare.

Garrett McMahon 1:32

The next hour was devoted to perfectly-grilled rare, juicy steak, candles blown out on thick slices of German chocolate cake, and a stack of gifts waiting to be ripped open. One of them especially caught Ness's eye, noticing that it was conspicuously shaped like a baseball bat. Sure enough, he tore the paper to shreds and a bat was revealed, but not just any bat...

Garrett McMahon 1:54

Wow, a Gutsy bat!

Garrett McMahon 1:57

He got up from the table and gave the bat a swing. Wooden, of course, since all the professional records were set with wooden bats, but nonetheless the hardest, most molecularly densest of rare wood from a small forest in Sri Lanka, treated with a top secret triple ash and pure varnishing for maximum lightness, power, and grip comfort, no matter your swing, no matter your size, guaranteed to pop the most fastballs over the fence or your money back.

Garrett McMahon 2:24

Rockin! It's perfect. This'll replace the one that... broke last night.

Garrett McMahon 2:31

Ness regarded the bat in his hand and realized he wasn't sure what he was saying while he said it. It unsettled him how hard it was for him to just remember the day before.

Garrett McMahon 2:41

Ness? What is it?

Garrett McMahon 2:44

Oh nothing. Just this weird dream I had. I went out at night and saw this meteor crash and an alien. Por- um, Minch was with me, and there was this really small spaceman who looked like a bug.

Garrett McMahon 2:57

Ah, the time traveler ten years from the future, huh? Uh Buzz-buzz, I think his name was. Buzz-buzz?

Garrett McMahon 3:05

Really? That's kind of a weird...

Garrett McMahon 3:07

Ness put his fork down before he took his fifth bite of juicy birthday steak, suddenly realizing, even before also realizing his mother apparently had the same dream as him, how strange it was that he was having morning steak. His mom never skipped breakfast. Nothing, no amount of oversleeping, of almost missing the bus could stop her from near fanatical devotion to the most important meal of the day.

Garrett McMahon 3:34

Mom, why am I having my birthday now?

Garrett McMahon 3:38

I wanted to give you your cake and presents before you left.

Garrett McMahon 3:42

Left?

Garrett McMahon 3:44

He explained it all to your father and I telepathically last night. You have to go on a long journey to save the world.

Garrett McMahon 3:51

What? But no, Mom, no.

Garrett McMahon 3:56

The black rotary phone (it is the nineties after all) interrupted them with a ring, and Ness, knowing that on his birthday he'd get a usual birthday call from someone special, ran to answer it with a newfound urgency.

Garrett McMahon 4:09

Elliott residence?

Garrett McMahon 4:11

Happy birthday, slugger! Did I get it right this time? It's nighttime later in the day here, so it must still be morning where you're at. Neat, huh? Ooh, I'm calling from the future...

Garrett McMahon 4:22

Dad! Mom went crazy! You have to do something. She thinks a bug from outer space told me-

Garrett McMahon 4:28

...to stop an evil alien from conquering the world. He told me telepathically last night. Uh Buzz -Buzz, was it?

Garrett McMahon 4:35

Oh no. Not Dad too. The meteor must have made everyone insane except for him. Couldn't it have at least waited until the next day?

Garrett McMahon 4:45

What? Dad, please be real. I can't just...

Garrett McMahon 4:49

Now I set up a bank account in your name yesterday. This Tokyo deal is giving me a huge bonus, so if you need any money for anything, don't hesitate to give me a call. Now I did get you one more present, but I can't give it to you until you get back. But once you do, you'll think it's the best one you ever had. How's the new bat?

Garrett McMahon 5:07

It's cool, but listen...

Garrett McMahon 5:09

I knew you'd like it. That cracked one's too dangerous for you to use anymore. Anyway, say hello to King for me. Love you, son. Till next time.

Garrett McMahon 5:18

Till next time, Dad.

Garrett McMahon 5:20

The click on the other line defeated any hope of things making any sense for Ness. The next thing he knew he was at the front door, tying his new red high tops that would have been for the next grade of school. New baseball bat in hand, petting King one last time before rising to meet his mother, waiting to see him off, to who knows where, for how long. He couldn't believe he was saying it to himself, but he would have rather been headed for school, even with a whole summer coming up. He would have taken school every day for the rest of his life over this.

Garrett McMahon 5:51

Mom, I don't want to go. I want to stay here with you and King. I want to be here when Dad comes back.

Garrett McMahon 6:00

I know, sweetheart. I don't want you to go either. But neither of us have a choice.

Garrett McMahon 6:06

But this is crazy! I can't save the world. I can't save anything. I'm just a boy.

Garrett McMahon 6:14

His mom knelt to his level and looked into his eyes, gently stroking the hair on his hatless head.

Garrett McMahon 6:20

Yes, you are. You are a kind, strong, and courageous boy. Never let anyone tell you any different. Till next time, Ness.

Garrett McMahon 6:31

She gave her son his red baseball cap to put on his head, gave her son a hug, and Ness gave her in kind the biggest one he could muster. Then the moment ended, and the door was opened before him. He hesitated at the threshold of his house, eyes closed, his breath held, like he was jumping off a board into a deep pool for the first time. Then he took one step outside, another, and the door shut behind him, knowing that no words or deeds would get it to open for him again, for some time at least. He took the first step outside, and there was nothing left to do except another, and then another, and still more, until he was out of the front yard and fully on the sidewalk to the main road.

Garrett McMahon 7:14

And that was the first time the old man came out of the sky to take his picture. A thundering fanfare of brass and violins filled the once quiet air of the town, startling Ness so much he would have dashed back into his house if he didn't think better of it. There he was, grey whiskers in his beard, thick reading glasses, wearing a black tuxedo with a bowler hat, floating from the sky like Mary Poppins to land right in front of him, with a pirouette and a twirl.

Garrett McMahon 7:48

Photos taken instantaneously! I am a photographic genius, if I don't say so myself.

Garrett McMahon 8:00

He really did have a camera with him, a huge, ancient-looking black box with a light bulb flash and a tripod as tall as he was. He draped a black cape over his head and shoulders as he lowered his eyes to the viewfinder of the big hulking thing.

Garrett McMahon 8:14

Okay, get ready for an instant memory. Look at the camera. Ready? Say Fuzzy Pickles.

Garrett McMahon 8:27

Ness found himself with twelve different things to say, to ask, to shout, all at the same time, but nothing came out of his mouth except the words he was told to say.

Garrett McMahon 8:37

Fuzzy pickles.

Garrett McMahon 8:40

That, and with the blinding flash that followed, utterly bewildered him into making a photo face that looked like God knows what, as far as possible from the usual ear to ear grin that was coaxed out of him with a simple cheese.

Garrett McMahon 8:54

Wow! What a great photograph! It will always bring back the fondest of memories.

Scary Monsters and a Shark Attack!

Garrett McMahon 9:04

With that the photographer gave another spin around and twirled up to the sky as strangely as he arrived. The music stopped, and it was all quiet and birds chirping again. If that was the weirdest thing that would happen to him on this trip, thought Ness, then maybe it wouldn't be so much trouble after all. But then again, remembering his dream last night with the meteor and strange aliens, he figured with a sigh that it wouldn't be. Not even close. Ness looked around his neighborhood. What once was commonplace and comforting to him now seemed foreign, hostile even. Houses where friends lived only a couple doors away were now somehow unrecognizable now that he was alone. The realization staggered him. He really was alone, wasn't he? How could his mom do this to him? Just leave him, by himself, all alone.

Garrett McMahon 10:38

You're not alone.

Garrett McMahon 10:41

A voice spoke to him, clear as if there was someone right in front of him, though there wasn't a soul around.

Garrett McMahon 10:46

Ness, can you hear me?

Garrett McMahon 10:50

The voice, that of a young girl, most likely meant to alleviate his anxiety, but it was doing the opposite.

Garrett McMahon 10:57

Don't worry. I'm a friend. One you've never met before. My name is Paula. Find me in Twoson. Find me.

Garrett McMahon 11:07

Find her in Twoson? So he'd have to get a bus ticket to go down south. Maybe he could start walking toward town, then ask a grown-up if he could get a ride to the bus station, or if not, at least directions. About a twenty minute walk later, he reached the one at town proper. It was nearly as deserted here as it was on his suburban block, which was strange. He waited at an intersection for the walk signal and then headed toward what very well could be the direction of the bus station, eventually.

Garrett McMahon 11:37

Clank. Clank.

Garrett McMahon 11:39

Ness made a frantic about face. What in the world could that have been? Nothing had changed as far as he knew, except the traffic sign that was on the sidewalk was now maybe a yard or so off, on the road itself. Then he turned around and tried to ignore it, whistling one of his favorite songs to keep his mind off it. I'm sure it was weird, but on this trip it looked like he was really gonna have to pick his battles. As long as it left him alone.

Garrett McMahon 12:03

Clank clank clank.

Garrett McMahon 12:08

Ness stopped walking, not daring to look behind him, and the strange sound stopped with him. Holding the handle of his bat with one hand, he kept walking, and kept whistling.

Garrett McMahon 12:19

clank clank.

Garrett McMahon 12:21

Firmly on the other side of the road, Ness spun around, now brandishing the formidable gutsy bat to get the drop on whatever was following him. He was stunned to find nothing there at all. That sign, formerly a few feet off the sidewalk, was now several feet away, who knows where. Well at least it was gone, for now, he thought as he turned to keep going, still grasping his bat.

Garrett McMahon 12:44

Ness screamed when he saw the sign suddenly right in front of him. Once an ordinary piece of roadside ordinance that simply read "City Speed Limit twenty five miles per hour, fines doubled," This one now had bloodshot eyes and a mouth full of long, sharp teeth, the kind Ness only saw from lions and tigers in cartoons. The sign roared and hobbled after Ness on its single post as he ran for his life down the street.

Garrett McMahon 13:08

It was at this point, because of course it was, that traffic on the one at streets made Nest wait for his turn to cross. He slammed his palm on the walk button as he watched the rabid street sign bear down on him. As it hobbled closer and closer, he wondered if he should push his luck and just Frogger his way across. A yellow cab skidded to the curb and right in front of a terrified Ness, missing him by inches. It was not the traffic he needed to be afraid of, however, but the even bigger and sharper teeth from the cab itself. Ness swung his bat in front of him as hard as he could, shattering the windshield that made up its hungry, bloodshot eyes.

Garrett McMahon 13:44

Hey, kid, what are you doing?

Garrett McMahon 13:47

Ness took another look at the monstrous cab and was stunned to discover actually a normal one. Eyes and teeth gone, and most unfortunate of all, the side view mirrors and most of the glass parts good and broken. He tried to stammer some kind of excuse, but in a split second he figured "it used to be a monster trying to eat me, I swear it" was probably not going to hold much water.

Garrett McMahon 14:09

Police! Stop that boy!

Garrett McMahon 14:12

To Ness's horror, he found not only were the adults furious, closing in, and indeed waving down blue suited officers, with some helpfully setting back up roadblocks, the adults themselves were transforming into something different, blue skinned, bloodshot, rapacious, as monstrous as the weird car and sign.

Garrett McMahon 14:31

One of them, a big lady with another blue face, was walking a big mastiff of a dog which growled and barked at the sight of Ness. Springing away from her grasp of the leash, the animal bolted to Ness, who ran away, only to be stopped by another rabid dog. He had less qualms about defending himself against them, they being nothing like his beloved friend King. He swung at the stray, sending it away, and held his bat to the lady's leashed dog, ready for a fight, before the lady caught up and shrieked at the sight of Ness threatening her pet with a weapon.

Garrett McMahon 15:03

Help! He's crazy! He's going to hurt my dog. Police, police!

Garrett McMahon 15:09

Ness made a run for it, and turned around when, the bus station finally in his sights, an array of gas pumps let loose their nozzles and hoses, which slithered and hissed at him like a mob of rattlesnakes. Now he headed in the opposite direction, toward the arcade. In any other situation, he knew better than to go to the arcade. The arcade was shark territory. The sharks were the meanest middle school gang in all of Onett, and they had their hand in every bit of dirty dealing in town. Free extra toppings racketeering in the pizza shop, forged high scores at the arcade, black market firecrackers, the list went on. Every boy in Onett, sick of the constant swirlies, locker stuffings, and gum wads in the hair that they all suffered from these ruffians, who were easily identifiable with the prominent shark fin novelty hats they wore with pride in school and on weekends alike, knew better than to test the waters for more shark encounters at the arcade itself, their main HQ. E ven though Ness especially hated their leader, Frankie Fly, who was in his gym class and once emptied a whole bottle of itching powder in his locker, and who he heard made his friend eat a whole hamburger out of the garbage, he was happy to tread his first step in that palace of lights and bleeps, of schmups and brawlers and railgun shooters, because it meant that the weird adults and their weird mutated adult things dared not follow him. He never thought he'd see the day he'd be glad to see the sharks.

Garrett McMahon 16:40

It was that very same hated boy, Frankie himself, in his new red suit, slicked back blonde mohawk that kind of, now that he was looking, looked a lot like a shark fin, sunglasses indoors, and the blood red dyed shark tooth hanging from a chain around his neck, the symbol of his sinister leadership. Who first noticed a boy in the arcade who shouldn't have been there? Stopping in the middle of his game of Tatsujin Twelve (and not to worry, he was going to hack into the cabinet and get the highest score anyway), he faced Ness and pointed a finger.

Garrett McMahon 17:14

Hey look, it's some kid. Let's beat him up and take whatever cash he's got.

Garrett McMahon 17:20

How come, Frankie?

Garrett McMahon 17:22

I don't know!

Garrett McMahon 17:23

With this war cry, scores of sharks, dressed in black light glowing skeleton leotards along with their shark fins, some of them wielding hula hoops, others mounted on pogo sticks, and some others shredding on skateboards, all swarmed nests en masse.

Garrett McMahon 17:41

No, he still hated the sharks.

Garrett McMahon 17:45

Making a run for it, he headed outside and risked another encounter with the weird adults in their weird cars and stuff once more. However, with the shark still hot on his tail, it was neither of those things he encountered after all. It was another boy, though not a shark to be sure. And if he did belong to a gang, it was one Ness had never heard of. A boy from somewhere on the other side of the world, Dalaam most likely, or maybe even Tokyo where his dad was. He wore a white karate uniform with a black belt tied around the waist, which of course meant if he was a karate fighter, he was really good at it. He had almost no hair on his head except for a long, long braided ponytail starting from the back of his head trailing down to the middle of his back. His black eyebrows slanted sharply down, making him look as if he was always angry. Then again, as he stared down the gang of sharks, making them all stop in their tracks, maybe he just was angry.

Garrett McMahon 18:44

Ness backed off as Frankie and the sharks howled another war cry and rushed at the mysterious boy. There must have been thirty of them, all against one. They never stood a chance. Ness saw the boy let loose a barrage of punches and jump kicks so fast he could barely see them himself. One second a shark was skateboarding toward the stranger, the next second that boy was lying on the sidewalk, cradling his ribs, and so on. It was all over in a minute. The next thing Ness knew he was standing face to face with the stranger, with thirty or so shark boys sprawled on the asphalt, howling and weeping in pain.

Garrett McMahon 19:21

The boy reached out a hand and opened it in front of Ness, as if asking to give him something. What? I don't know what you The boy grumbled and clenched his fingers in front of Ness, as if to say, Come on, cough it up. What could he have possibly meant? He didn't seem like someone who wanted his dad's credit card. Ness hoped it wasn't his new bat either, which, after holding that toward the boy, he responded with another grunt and a shake of his head. With more urgency, the boy pointed to Ness's pocket. The only other thing he had was could he mean? Ness produced the triangular soundstone, showing on each side the strange sound. Symbols, a footprint, a waterfall, a volcano, and Stonehenge. From the boy's reaction, that seemed to be it. He reached for the stone before Ness flinched away. But before either one could argue any further, sirens from police cars sounded off on the road ahead of them, careening toward the pair. The boy rolled his eyes when he saw the oncoming police cars, and less than a second later, he vanished.

The Third Strongest Cop in Onett

Garrett McMahon 20:24

The next thing Ness knew, he was approached by policemen, who saw him holding a baseball bat, surrounded by scores of sharks lying on the ground in the fetal position, groaning, bruised, beaten to a pulp, everyone.

Garrett McMahon 21:21

Now he was in for it. Just when things couldn't get any worse for Ness, here he was in a police station, about to get put in jail before his quest could even start. He sat before the desk of the police chief of Onett, like the scariest trip to the principal's office ever. The man before him took a long moment to thumb through some papers and sheets, frowning and grunting all the while, as officers surrounded him, all staring at Ness in their shared disapproval.

Garrett McMahon 21:48

Twenty eight counts of juvenile assault, not to mention destruction of property, cruelty to animals.

Garrett McMahon 21:54

One of the officers next to him let out a loud whistle.

Garrett McMahon 21:58

Twenty-eight. Jeez, kid, what were you doing? Grindin' for levels?

Garrett McMahon 22:02

A few of the officers laughed along with him. Ness was frozen to the chair, numb with terror. He had never in his life gotten into so much trouble before, afraid to even push a bully away from him at the slightest provocation in school, rather than risk a fight put on his permanent record. But now? Twenty eight beaten sharks. Between them all he'd probably get life. He wondered if his friends could visit him in prison, or if mom and dad could bring King by every now and then.

Garrett McMahon 22:31

Look, I didn't touch any of those kids. It was a... it was a karate kid from Dalaam, maybe.

Garrett McMahon 22:39

Karate kid, huh? And where is he now?

Garrett McMahon 22:42

I don't know. He disappeared when you showed up.

Garrett McMahon 22:47

Convenient.

Garrett McMahon 22:48

It's true, I swear it. And the others were uh self-defense.

Garrett McMahon 22:55

Self-defense against a parked taxicab. Rock solid alibi if I ever heard one. What are you doing out of school anyway?

Garrett McMahon 23:03

It's summer...?

Garrett McMahon 23:05

That's it, kid. Keep on being a smart aleck. That'll help your case.

Garrett McMahon 23:09

I'm... I'm sorry, I didn't... I mean, I have to go to Twoson to meet a friend.

Garrett McMahon 23:14

I see. And who is this friend of yours?

Garrett McMahon 23:19

I don't know.

Garrett McMahon 23:21

The chief finally flung the dossier full of papers on his desk and sighed.

Garrett McMahon 23:26

It's true, you gotta believe me. I have permission from my parents. You can call my mom. She'll...

Garrett McMahon 23:32

Sure, kid, we'll do that. And just what is it that brings you to Twoson by yourself without your parents so much as giving you a ride to make sure you're safe on the way to meet a friend that you don't know?

Garrett McMahon 23:44

Ness hesitated and frowned at the new depths of this hole he was digging for himself.

Garrett McMahon 23:51

Would you believe... to save the world from an alien invasion ten years into the future?

Garrett McMahon 23:59

A long moment of silence, and then a raucous laugh erupted from everyone in the room, the police chief included.

Garrett McMahon 24:13

Yeah, it's uh it's a path only I can walk, or something like that.

Garrett McMahon 24:18

A full minute went by of the officers in chief full gaffawing in his face, before the chief abruptly stopped.

Garrett McMahon 24:28

No, I don't think I would.

Garrett McMahon 24:30

...And made the others cease their laughter with him.

Garrett McMahon 24:34

But let's say I do. Let's assume you're not lying. I mean you are, but let's assume. If you are strong enough to beat an alien invading menace, it stands to reason you're strong enough to beat a few cops.

Garrett McMahon 24:47

What?

Garrett McMahon 24:49

It's called logic, young man, a fortiori, an argument proved by a stronger argument... never mind that. If you can make these five officers of mine hit the floor, I'll let you go. If you fail, you spend the rest of your life in jail. And also, uh you get the tar beaten out of you by these galoots first, which also can't be very pleasant. Does that sound fair?

Garrett McMahon 25:09

Sounds fair to me, chief.

Garrett McMahon 25:11

No, no, that doesn't sound fair!

Garrett McMahon 25:13

Good. Then let's get it on!

Garrett McMahon 25:15

The chief slammed his palm against his desktop, and before he knew it, Ness was on his feet, clutching his bat and facing a cop making fists.

Garrett McMahon 25:25

Eh, I'll go first. I'm the third strongest cop in all of Onett, you know.

Garrett McMahon 25:29

The chief gave the signal, and the cop went toward Ness before tripping on his own shoelace and falling flat on his face onto the floor. Whimpering at his loss, the man scampered away and another took his place.

Garrett McMahon 25:42

Eh, don't listen to him, he's a compulsive liar. I'm actually the third strongest cop in Onett.

Garrett McMahon 25:48

The fight began, and the cop advanced fists at the ready. He took a couple big swings, and Ness, despite his terror, dodged them well enough. He could tell the third punch coming was going to be a haymaker, and he instinctively held up the bat to block it like a shield. The cop took a fistful of reinforced ash-treated hardwood and howled in agony, clutching his broken hand and falling to the floor on his knees. Another cop took his place, giving Ness no time to catch his breath.

Garrett McMahon 26:17

No offense to my brothers in arms, but he's a compulsive liar too. I am the thoid strongest cop in One tt, which is appropriate, seeing as how I'm thoid up.

Garrett McMahon 26:29

This cop was faster and scarier than the other two, who, all things considered, were pretty bad fighters. So maybe he was the third best after all. Ness did not stop to consider this, but instead ran around the room. He was small and nimble enough to dodge even the most advanced adult level barroom brawling his opponent could muster, until, getting frustrated over being unable to land a hit, his momentum finally made him tumble into some furniture. Without wasting a second, the fourth cop faced Ness, this one in full riot gear.

Garrett McMahon 27:00

Okay, look, the third cop you just faced is the compulsive liar. The second one has a compulsion about accusing people of being compulsive liars, and the first one is just wrong. I am the third strongest cop in Onett.

Garrett McMahon 27:15

The cop rushed Ness, brandishing his baton and riot shield like a knight in armor. Ness was a little less shy about swinging his bat this time, given the copious amounts of Kevlar on his opponent, though it very quickly dissolved into something very much like a boy his age playing swords on a playground. He did not know how, and he could not have told you if you asked him, but at one point in the fight he swung at the riot shield as hard as he could, imagining his dad teaching him how to hit a flyball into the outfield, and somehow it shattered the shield and knocked the cop back, falling onto his behind. The fifth wasted no time, stepping over his fallen comrade, and faced Ness with clenched fists at the ready.

Garrett McMahon 27:56

Alright, no more fun and games. You have faced the weakest, the second weakest, the second strongest, and the strongest police officers in the entire oneette police department. Now you will face me, the true third strongest cop in...

Garrett McMahon 28:18

His speech was cut short by a tap on his shoulder behind him, followed by a sucker punch which sent him tumbling to the floor.

Garrett McMahon 28:25

Ow, that really hurt. Jeez, Chief, what did you do that for?

Garrett McMahon 28:31

There he was, the chief himself, standing over all his fallen officers.

Garrett McMahon 28:36

Because I'm sick of all you and your constant third baiting! Everywhere I go around here, booking a perp or at the lineup, or heck, even just at the water cooler. I'm the third strongest. No, I'm the third, I'm the third... fools! Everyone here knows I'm the third strongest cop in One tt. That's why I'm the chief of police! Now get out of my sight, all of you, go set up some roadblocks.

Garrett McMahon 28:59

The following cops all groaned and rose to their feet and ambled out of the chief's office, who whirled at Ness and pointed a finger at him, his voice thundering through the room as he advanced toward the terrified boy.

Garrett McMahon 29:11

And as for you, playtime is over. If you really think you can handle an alien invasion, then it's gonna take more than a couple of my rough and tumble deputies. Oh no, you're gonna have to face a true warrior, a real man of power. You're gonna have to I am so sorry about that.

Garrett McMahon 29:31

What? The moment the other officers left and let the door shut behind them with a click, the chief of police changed back to an instant doctor Jekyll.

Garrett McMahon 29:40

Don't worry, you weren't in any danger at all. It's just that you know how it is, you gotta let the boys beat up some civilians every once in a while. They can get pretty bad cabin fever around here otherwise. As they say, a society that does not let its constabulary assault and embattle its own citizenry is a society that cannot stand. Um... De Tocqueville, I think.

Garrett McMahon 30:02

Ness had never heard anyone say that before, and while he was a little niffed at the chief's assertion that he was never in any danger, as some of those punches sure could have fooled him, he was beyond relieved to find out he was no longer in big trouble with the cops.

Garrett McMahon 30:17

Anyway, your mom called ahead and let me know what's going on. Though I don't understand it myself. I mean, times like these, kids like you should be inside playing video games, but what do I know? Well, let me give you a ride to the bus station.

Garrett McMahon 30:31

Ness hopped into the squad car, and the chief got him to the station in fifteen minutes' time, the siren on full blast and the chief himself chuckling over the other car's frantic attempts to get out of his way with such little notice. Seeing Ness safely in line to purchase a one-way ticket to Tucson, the chief's work was done, and he headed back to the station, yelling through his radio to his officers that there weren't enough roadblocks on the street he just drove down, and to get them up on the double. Ticket in hand, Ness kept his eyes on the arrivals and departures chart, when who could approach him but his worst enemy, the leader of the sharks, Frankie Fly himself. Ness groaned. Just when he thought he escaped trouble in this town, it literally followed him to see him off. But in an even greater surprise, it didn't seem like the boy meant Ness any harm. He approached him with open hands and was also alone.

Garrett McMahon 31:25

Hey you, so you're the one who took down thirty of my best buds all at once. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Garrett McMahon 31:34

He must not have seen the karate boy either, then, Ness said to himself.

Garrett McMahon 31:39

From now on, you're as good a shark as any of us.

Garrett McMahon 31:43

Before he could say anything, the boy slapped a shark fin on Ness's head.

Garrett McMahon 31:48

Wear it with pride, at school and at the arcade. This is the mark in which I count you as a friend, and pass you by to force feed a burger out of the garbage to some other loser. Brothers in fins, death before dishonor.

Thank you for listening!

Garrett McMahon 32:03

He patted Ness on the back and raised a fist as he shouted to the station for all to hear, his new recruit, before he made himself scarce. Not long after Frankie left, his bus arrived. Ness took a good look at himself with the hat, its sharp, angular crest of the fin, its lacquered sheen. It was the stupidest thing he had ever seen in his life. He shoved the hat in the garbage and boarded the bus to Tucson.

Garrett McMahon 32:33

You've been listening to the podcast against Giygas. The podcast against Giygas is an audiobook written and performed by me, Garrett McMahon, based on Earthbound, the Super Nintendo game directed by Shige sato Itoi, with production by William Pawlowski, and thumbnail design and art direction by David Peters. This podcast stinks. It is also a fan-made project affiliated in no way whatsoever with the Nintendo Corporation or Mr. Itoi. This podcast is free to listen to, ad free, and always will be. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode, and I'll see you back next Monday. Till next time.