In Which Our Hero Takes a Giant Step in the Right Direction

Finally, Ness made it out of Onett alive and into Twoson. Now what?!

All alone in a strange new town, with nothing to go by but the voice of a girl in his head, and the fact that the first glowing glyph on his mysterious Soundstone looks a whole lot like Twoson’s world-famous tourist attraction, Ness sets out to make some sense of this whole weird thing. Too bad he’s going to have to deal with an especially sinister element lurking in the underbelly of the small town, as ruthless and cunning as they are… ah, not very clear in their ultimate goals. Evil cults, gigantic mutated ants, and… ugh, PORKY!

Will Ness stop the machinations of the Happy-Happyists? Will he finally meet (and successfully rescue) his “friend he never met before?” And what waits for him at the very first Sanctuary… the Giant Step?

Find out on this week’s episode of… The Podcast Against Giygas!

ROCKIN!!!

Transcript

It’s The Podcast Against Giygas!

Garrett McMahon 0:00

You're listening to the podcast against Giygas. Episode three, in which our hero takes a giant step in the right direction. The bus from Onett dropped Ness off at a small stop just before the city proper, where a huge billboard overlooking the town greeted him. Twoson: because we weren't here first. Ness shrugged. True enough. Another sign caught his eye, a billboard showing a flat field with what looked like a gigantic human footprint. Home of the world famous giant steppe. A flash of recognition came over Ness as he took the soundstone out of his pocket. On one side of the pyramidal rock there was an engraving of a footprint, and once Ness gave it his attention, the stone tingled and resonated in his hand.

Garrett McMahon 1:12

The next thing to greet him was a man who jumped off the roof of a nearby shanty, shouted a war cry, and ran at Ness swinging a pair of Nunchaku. Ness likewise screamed and drew his bat, which seemed to suddenly frighten his attacker as well. Before he knew it, Ness had swung the bat square into the man's stomach, not a full home run strength swing, but enough to knock the wind out. With a grunt, the man dropped his weapon and fell butt first on the grass.

Garrett McMahon 1:37

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Are you all right?

Garrett McMahon 1:43

Yeah, kid, I'll be fine. Sorry about that, by the way. I thought you were one of them.

Garrett McMahon 1:50

One of who?

Garrett McMahon 1:52

A townie. I could see your blue from the roof, but I was too far away to see you didn't have enough.

Garrett McMahon 1:59

The man pointed to Ness's shirt, and looking himself over was aware, probably for the first time since his adventure, that he had other colors on besides blue. His red hat, yellow stripes on the shirt, red high top sneakers.

Garrett McMahon 2:13

Uh no, I just got in. I'm from Onett.

Garrett McMahon 2:19

The danger more or less over. Ness took in his surroundings. There seemed to be a boundary between Tucson proper and this place, a big outdoor flea market with others dressed like this man, dreadlocks, dark sunglasses, and bright tie-dyed clothes, selling all kinds of junk resting on blankets on the lawn. And then it hit him. These were hippies. Ness heard about them in school when a special teacher came in to warn the class about them. Stay away, and always say no to anything they try to give you. From the looks of them, they were pretty harmless. And they also didn't seem to be giving away anything for free. The hippie finally got to his feet and gestured toward his own stack of junk.

Garrett McMahon 3:03

Ah, well, you're cool then. Wanna buy a bong?

Garrett McMahon 3:08

Um no, thank you. So what's going on here?

Garrett McMahon 3:13

We used to have a good arrangement between us and the townies. We'd sell our wares to tourists going to the giant steppe, as long as we didn't get too far into town and they didn't bother us. But that was before the happy happy cult came in. They've been bogarding everyone's joint in general, and worst of all, they're driving the tourists away.

Garrett McMahon 3:33

As if on cue, three well dressed men in blue suits came up from the town, dragging a hippie with them. Their faces were hidden with blue hoods, pointed at the top with a fluff ball like on a winter hat. As two of them restrained the screaming hippie, the third attacker dipped a roller in blue paint and rolled it all over their victim, covering his face and the entire front of his body blue. Their work done, they threw the man over the flea market boundary and walked away, cheering and high-fiving each other. Ness's hippie friend watched the goings on and shook his head with a sigh.

Garrett McMahon 4:10

Oh man, they got Smoky.

Garrett McMahon 4:14

Right... Say, where can I find the giant step?

Garrett McMahon 4:18

Ah ah. I can't give away my merchandise for free, you know.

Garrett McMahon 4:23

Look, I really don't want to buy a...

Garrett McMahon 4:25

No no no no no no, not that. I also run the local hint stand. Hint stand?

Garrett McMahon 4:32

The hippie pointed to a makeshift kiosk, wooden and barely held together by probably the worst assembly job he'd ever seen, reminding him of the time his dad ordered a new kitchen table by mail and tried to put it together by himself. On the big wooden placard above it was written in spray paint hints five cents. The hippie sat himself behind the kiosk and presented Ness with an aluminum coffee can, in which the plastic lid had cut a coin shaped slit. Ness found a nickel in his pocket and dropped it in the can, and the hippie shook it for a while, delighting in the rattle of coins. He then set it down, folded his hands, and gave Ness his attention.

Garrett McMahon 5:14

So where can I find the giant step?

Garrett McMahon 5:18

You can't. Not right now, anyway. The cult keeps everyone out under lock and key. It's uh sacrilegious or something. Maybe that one girl with the weird juju could do something about it.

Garrett McMahon 5:30

Wait, do you mean Paula? You know her?

Garrett McMahon 5:34

Oh sure, everyone in town does. Hard not to, to be honest.

Garrett McMahon 5:38

Do you know where she lives?

Garrett McMahon 5:40

The hippies smiled and presented the coffee can to Ness, who grumbled and shoved another nickel inside.

Garrett McMahon 5:47

Do you know where Paula lives?

Garrett McMahon 5:50

Oh yeah. It's easy. You go all the way down Main Street, take a right onto Mulberry Lane, a left on Oak Ridge, and she's the big blue house on the cul de sac. You can't miss it.

Garrett McMahon 6:01

Great, thanks a bunch.

Garrett McMahon 6:03

Ness immediately headed toward the town's main avenue, a part of him happy to be away from the hippie hovel and its clash of various uh incenses. He took a few steps down the street, repeating all the way down Main, right on Mulberry, a left on Oak Ridge, the big blue house on the cul de sac, all the way down Main, right on Mulberry, a left on Oak Ridge, the big blue house on the and then his heart sank to his ankles.

Garrett McMahon 6:29

Everything in the town of Tucson, every blessed thing was painted blue. The houses were blue, the lawns were blue, the sidewalks and streets were blue. There was even a blue cow with a mouthful of blue cud behind a blue picket fence. Men and women outside their houses wore entirely blue suits and dresses, and some of them, while applying fresh coats of blue on their homes or their cars, hummed a gentle melody of blue blue blue blue. Ness threw up his hands and groaned. Gee, thanks, Hippy. The blue house at the cul de sac, he mocked at the man to himself. Oh the big blue house, you can't miss it. It's the big blue house in the cul de sac. You can't miss it. Now what was he going to do? At the very least he should get his ten cents back.

Garrett McMahon 7:21

Don't give up, Ness. You're almost there. Follow my voice.

Garrett McMahon 7:27

It was her again. Paula's voice and Ness's mind gently sang a song that was big on the radio at the time, "Boy Meets Girl." Ness could tell it was coming from a specific direction, and now that he was thinking about it, it did lead him to Mulberry, then Oak Ridge, and etc. And his feet took him where his ears led him. Ness reached the biggest blue house on the Oak Ridge cul de sac just as Paula ended the song in his head. He stepped up to the front door and rang the bell. The strange blue town no reason at all to forget his manners. What he did not expect at all, however, was the boy who answered the bell, not from within the house, but right behind him.

Garrett McMahon 8:08

Looking for Paula? She can't come out to play right now.

Garrett McMahon 8:13

Ness grimaced at the voice he could have recognized a mile away, and turned around to see Porky, dressed in all blue Sunday best clothes, flanked by a gang of pointy hooded blue suited men armed with dripping blue paint brushes.

Garrett McMahon 8:30

What are you doing here, Porky?

Garrett McMahon 8:32

First of all, that ignorant epithet has no power over me anymore. And second, I'm done with one. I've thrown in with the happy happy cult. From now on, I'm looking for power, and when I find it I seize it. And here Blue talks.

Garrett McMahon 8:51

Whatever. Where's Paula?

Garrett McMahon 8:54

In the basement, and fat lot of good she'll do you there. The Reverend locked her up, and only he has the key. Without her, you're not going anywhere.

Garrett McMahon 9:03

Porky nudged an elbow at one of his cohorts, who flung his brush toward Ness. He jumped out of the way, just barely missing his red sneakers getting drenched in blue.

Garrett McMahon 9:13

Smell you later, loser. May the Cerulean Father guide you to blue understanding.

Garrett McMahon 9:20

Porky laughed as he and his gang left the house, heading toward a church building about a block away, now ringing its bell. Ness grumbled at the encounter before getting over it and turning back to Paula's house, letting himself through the unlocked door. He headed down to the basement, where among an otherwise sparse room he saw a reinforced steel blast door with a crank.

Garrett McMahon 9:43

In here. Don't worry, it's easy to open from that side. It's only meant to be hard for me to get out.

Garrett McMahon 9:51

Encouraged by the voice, Ness grasped the wheel and easily cranked the door open, swinging out with a loud creak. Inside he found a typical girl's bedroom, lots of pink stuff in general, stuffed animals, walls full to the brim with posters of dreamy boy band heartthrobs. Atypical of most girls' bedrooms, however, was the massive iron cage where presumably a bed would have been. And locked in that cage was a girl. Pink frilly dress, blonde hair bobbed to her neck, knee high stockings, and nice red shoes. Like everyone else in Tucson, she looked like she was on her way to church. But unlike them, there was nearer a stitch of blue upon her. Ness immediately put the voice he heard to the flesh and blood girl who spoke it.

Garrett McMahon 10:38

It was Paula at last.

Garrett McMahon 10:41

Ness, you did it. You found me.

Garrett McMahon 10:45

So you're Paula. Are you all right?

Garrett McMahon 10:48

I'm fine, but the bars are too thick for me to bend myself. You're gonna have to get me out of here.

Garrett McMahon 10:55

Uh yeah, I figured as much.

Garrett McMahon 10:58

Ness sheepishly felt one of the bars and tried to bend one just a little bit. No, not even close.

Garrett McMahon 11:05

You have to get the key from Reverend Car Painter, the leader of the happy happy cult. My father. You have to stop him before he paints the whole world blue.

Garrett McMahon 11:16

Okay, I really don't get it. Why does he want to...

Garrett McMahon 11:19

He's not the one doing it! My horrible father was fine with just locking me in a one way bomb shelter for my own good. But all this, the cult, this cage, this is him actin' through my horrible father.

Garrett McMahon 11:35

Ness shuddered. Him? You mean... Giygas?

Garrett McMahon 11:42

I do. You saw one of his minions for yourself, back at the media. They're called Starmen.

Garrett McMahon 11:50

Ness thought back to that night, the alien who could have vaporized him in a second if it hadn't been for his bug friend. That scratchy voice beaming directly into his mind. He had tried to compartmentalize it all as a weird dream, but this meeting with Paula, her putting a name to that thing, the star man, made it clear that none of this was a dream at all.

Garrett McMahon 12:11

But that's not the only way he's taken over. He's invading people's minds, making them see things that aren't real, and do bad things that they would have never done before. Even animals and inanimate objects have fallen under his influence. You also saw this in Onett. On the way to m e.

Garrett McMahon 12:30

Paula stepped away from the cage and went to a big teddy bear, about half her size. From behind the bear she unzipped a compartment and took out a small orange badge. Going back to Ness, she put the badge into his hand.

Garrett McMahon 12:43

Here, put this on.

Garrett McMahon 12:46

Ness looked it over, turning it around with his fingers. He saw the logo, a man flying a kite underneath a thunderbolt, and lit up.

Garrett McMahon 12:54

Whoa, a Franklin badge! Is it real?

Garrett McMahon 12:58

It's the only orange thing left in town. It'll keep you safe from my pa. It's it's the only thing that kept him safe from me.

Garrett McMahon 13:09

Ness could tell Paula was suddenly saddened by this admission, but he chose not to press the matter. He pinned the badge to his shirt.

Garrett McMahon 13:16

Meet them at the church. There's gonna be something in there that's weird. Something that doesn't belong. Whatever it is, that's what's controlling them. Whatever it is, destroy it. Smash it into bits.

Garrett McMahon 13:28

Okay.

Garrett McMahon 13:29

I mean it, Ness. Whatever it is, you can't let it stay there.

Garrett McMahon 13:34

All right, I get it.

Garrett McMahon 13:35

All right, you get what?

Garrett McMahon 13:37

Find the weird thing and smash it to bits. Jeez...

The Happy-Happy Cult and the Demon Statue

Garrett McMahon 13:41

Good. Now go on. I've waited for you this long. I can wait a few minutes more. Unlike Paula's house, the big church where the cult was congregating was not hard at all to find. What with it being the biggest building in town, the bell's incessant ringing, inescapable to the ears, and not to mention the dozens of blue suited and pointy hated cultists, following that bell's summons and thronging into the building en masse. By the time Ness tiptoed in, there were enough cultists packed inside, and all their attention drawn to the front, that it wasn't too hard for him to be unnoticed. The congregation began to sing, a shape singing hymn with a little bit of bounce to it. They bobbed their right arms up and down as they sang the melody, no words to it except blue.

Garrett McMahon 15:15

Blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue.

Garrett McMahon 15:20

It was a living hedge maze as Ness pressed through the crowd to the front, the congregation moving into different formations like a parade or a rally. Thankfully, everyone in attendance was an adult, and at least a head or two taller than him, and that, along with them being so engrossed in the ritual, helped Ness stay concealed. Finally he saw him, the man lording over the congregation, a pastor in all blue frock and collar, the curly hair around his balding head and weird mustache all dyed blue and spiraling out of control, dark blue tinted glasses resting on his nose. This could only be the Reverend Car painter. The man hushed the crowd down with his hands and began to speak.

Garrett McMahon 16:04

My brothers in blueness, we are gathered here today united in one purpose to serve the Cerulean Father and paint the world in his image. May he guide us to blue understanding. Lo the Cerulean Father will summon all to the blue throne, and judge the blue from the orange, and to the orange he will say, Away from my sight, and to the orange placed with you. May nothing touch your lips, but marmalade and sweet potatoes and fresh squeezed juice with the pulp. May you have no companions but fire and tigers without their stripes! And to the blue he will say, Well done, my blue and faithful servant, come into my blue kingdom and enjoy your reward, of endless deep ocean and cloudless sky, of robin's eggs and lapis lazuli, of blue morphos and gas flames rot out of the oven, and the planets of Neptune and Uranus.

Garrett McMahon 17:16

And then Ness saw it. Paula said there would be something out of place, and it couldn't have been more that thing if it had a sign that said this is the weird out of place thing that Paula was talking about. Behind the Reverend was a gilded statue, as big as a person. It looked like an Oscar statue, a man standing erect and holding a huge double handed sword pointed down. Two big devil horns protruded from its head, which is almost never an indication of anything ever being up to any good. The crowd was transfixed by the Reverend, who was still listing off blue things, and was now on peacock feathers and raspberry flavored lollipops. Maybe Ness could inch closer to the thing. Maybe he could...

Garrett McMahon 18:00

GAAH! It's orange!

Garrett McMahon 18:03

Paint it blue, paint it blue!

Garrett McMahon 18:06

Ness panicked. A part of him held out hope that someone in the crowd was noticing some other orange thing, an orange peel or a monarch butterfly, maybe. But most of him figured, correctly, that someone fingered the prominent orange badge on his shirt. The congregation was in an uproar, as many of them armed themselves with rollers and brushes while others still tried to surround Ness, who took his bat out and aimed it at the crowd on the defensive. It was only due to the Reverend motioning for order that made the congregation finally calm down.

Garrett McMahon 18:38

Okay, I don't get it. You're called the happy, happy cult, right? But blue is a sad color... Right?

Garrett McMahon 18:52

The Reverend smiled at Nuss and descended from his pulpit, advancing toward the boy with open arms as his congregation parted to give him room.

Garrett McMahon 19:01

My dear young man, no doubt you're the latest champion summoned by my wayward only child in my basement. It pains me to see a prodigal child of blue, lost to the wicked ways of orange. Come to the fold, little one, and let me paint you a complimentary color. I offer you a seat at my right hand, with my dear daughter on the left. Together we shall paint the world blue.

Garrett McMahon 19:34

The congregation let out chants of blue blue. Ness took a good look at the man and the others in the crowd, and his fear turned into disgust.

Garrett McMahon 19:47

No, you locked Paula in a cage. How could you do that to your own daughter?

Garrett McMahon 19:54

The Reverend sighed and raised a hand in the air, and in response the statue behind him began to clear. The glow. This seemed to terrify the crowd, which did no favors either to Ness's confidence. He backed away, still holding up his bat like a cross against a crowd of vampires.

Garrett McMahon 20:11

Very well. Many are called, but few chosen. You chose the way of orange death. Prepare to receive my blue medicine.

Garrett McMahon 20:26

A lightning bolt shot out of the statue and into the Reverend's hand, who then threw the charge like a baseball at Ness. He cowered and screamed, just as the crowd around him did, as the blast careened toward him. Seconds later he was shocked to find himself not shocked by the bolt. Though a couple cultists were knocked out and on their backs from the blast.

Garrett McMahon 20:48

It was the Franklin badge on his shirt. So it was real. The orange standard for electricians across the country, guaranteed to keep you safe from any and all zaps and sparks or your money back. Now it crackled with its own energy after deflecting that electric shot. Chaos washed over the church as cultists tried to tackle and dogpile onto Ness, who ran around the room and tried to head for the statue, which was blocked by cultists, and also by the Reverend, whose lightning blasts bounced off Ness harmlessly and knocked back the other cultists, but also kept Ness from advancing closer to the statue.

Garrett McMahon 21:24

The Reverend clutched his hand toward the statue and drew in the biggest charge yet. Ness stared him down, bat at the ready, as the man launched the electric blast toward him. This time, without thinking, he treated it like an actual baseball pitch, and swung as hard as he could. He connected, and launched the blast back. The Reverend's own bolt blew up in his face, he staggered back before he fell, knocked out.

Garrett McMahon 21:49

On his way to the floor, he stumbled over the weird statue, knocking it down. The thing hit the floor with him and broke a horn off its head, its eerie yellow glow fading away at once. In that instant, everyone in the church looked over themselves, the spell broken. What in the world were they doing there? Wearing these clothes, these hoods. Why was everything blue? They swarmed out of the church, embarrassed with themselves, and left Ness with the unconscious reverend. He fricked the man and found the key at last. Not wanting to spend a minute longer in that church, he made a beeline for the front doors when he remembered something.

Ugh, PORKY!

Garrett McMahon 22:33

With a groan, he turned around and looked to the toppled statue. He drew his bat again and tiptoed toward the thing. It already had a horn broken off. How hard could it be? And then it happened. Again. That voice. The same one he heard at the meteor in oneette. It reached into his mind, scratched up against it like nails on a slate. The voice made him shiver and cringe as it spoke. Ness's hands shook as he held the bat before him. His wobbling knees could barely keep himself up. If he stayed there a moment longer, he was going to start crying. The moment he realized this, the voice in his head stopped talking to him and simply laughed. That laugh in his head was the sound of a thousand bullies all pointing their fingers at him. He kept the bat above his head, ready to swing. Ness returned to Paula's bedroom, key in hand. Paula sprung out of the cage, stretching her limbs and enjoying her new freedom.

Garrett McMahon 23:43

Ugh! I knew it was that stupid statue. Ever since those lawn hippies sold that eyesore to my pa, things have been getting really weird around here. Well, no matter. You destroyed it, right? You smashed it to bits?

Garrett McMahon 23:58

Uh... yup, that's right. Smashed it to bits.

Garrett McMahon 24:02

Good.

Garrett McMahon 24:04

They immediately left the house, not before Paula took with her a certain cast iron frying pan, which she swung a couple times as if trying out a sword, and her big teddy bear, which, unless Ness was imagining things, was actually walking behind her.

Garrett McMahon 24:20

Outside the de-bluification of Twoson was well underway. Grass was green again, streets were black with yellow lines, houses and picket fences were white, people wore their normal colored Sunday best, the men black and brown, ladies pastel pink and lavender. Even the cow was normal white fur and black spotches. The only thing that was still all blue was the biggest house on the cul de sac, which uh now Ness could see why the hippie would have said so before. Paula stopped them at the mailbox of the grand car painter domicile.

Garrett McMahon 24:54

Gimme the badge.

Garrett McMahon 24:56

Ness obeyed Paula, who placed it in the mailbox and put the flag up.

Garrett McMahon 25:01

Alright, let's go.

Garrett McMahon 25:03

Without another word she turned her back to the house and went on, at such a brisk pace that Ness needed to run to catch up.

Garrett McMahon 25:10

That's it?

Garrett McMahon 25:12

That's it.

Garrett McMahon 25:13

You don't want to say goodbye to your family?

Garrett McMahon 25:16

Nope.

Garrett McMahon 25:18

They went on in silence for a bit, even passing by the big church, until, yet again, a familiar and most unwelcome voice made Ness stop in his tracks.

Garrett McMahon 25:29

Well, well, look who's got themselves a girlfriend.

Garrett McMahon 25:34

Ness rolled his eyes and faced Porky, still in his blue clothes and still surrounded by the same blue suited toadies.

Garrett McMahon 25:43

Give it up, Porky. Your stupid cult is all over now.

Garrett McMahon 25:47

Yeah, didn't you hear? The Reverend Car Painter is a false prophet, blue is a superstition.

Garrett McMahon 25:53

One of the cultists beside Porky waved their brush at them like a drawn sword, dripping wet with fresh blue paint.

Garrett McMahon 26:00

That's not true. You may have severely lessened our numbers, but we are still true believers in the cause. Isn't that right, Mr Minch? May the Cerulean father guide...

Garrett McMahon 26:12

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Get them!

Garrett McMahon 26:15

The cultist advanced toward Paula and Ness. The boy put himself in front of Paula and brandished his bat, and Paula pushed him aside.

Garrett McMahon 26:23

Oh spare me the Galahad act, I can take care of myself.

Garrett McMahon 26:27

Are you kidding? Those are adults. You're gonna need more than a skillet.

Garrett McMahon 26:32

No, I won't.

Garrett McMahon 26:33

Paula held the pan before her. A powerful energy coursed through her body, energy that Ness could feel as well. The pupils in her eyes disappeared and left them flat white, and a powerful ring chimed from her straight into Ness's mind. Paula let go of the pan, and it floated right in front of her face. As the cultists were taken aback by the trick, the pan launched itself forward and smacked one right against the face, knocking him on his butt to the ground at once. The other cultists screamed as the pan, with a life of its own, pummeled them one by one into unconsciousness.

Garrett McMahon 27:09

The underlings taken care of, there was only one miscreant left to teach a lesson to Porky himself. Paula advanced toward Porky, her blank white eyes trained on the chubby, cowering boy, her face an expression of pure power and contempt, the pan itching toward him like a predator.

Garrett McMahon 27:29

Wait! What what am I doing? Why am I wearing all this blue?

Garrett McMahon 27:35

Ness raised an eyebrow in surprise, while this only elicited an eye roll from Paula.

Garrett McMahon 27:41

It's like I was hypnotized. Like my mind wasn't my own.

Garrett McMahon 27:46

He's lying.

Garrett McMahon 27:47

Really! I'm back to normal now. I'm alright.

Garrett McMahon 27:51

He's not.

Garrett McMahon 27:52

Come on, Ness, let's shake on it.

Garrett McMahon 27:55

I really wouldn't do that if I were you.

Garrett McMahon 27:58

Come on, please? Let's just go back to Onett. Then we can be friends again. Please?

Garrett McMahon 28:06

Ness cautiously crept toward Porky's outstretched hand. A part of him really wanted to believe him. If not being quote friends again, then at least a return to oneette and normalcy with it. He took Porky's hand, and they shook on it. Porky laughed, gripped Ness's hand tight, and with his free hand slammed Ness's cap down, covering his eyes. Still squeezing his hand, he tripped Ness up and knocked him flat on his back.

Garrett McMahon 28:33

Ha ha, Sucker! I can't believe you fell for it. Didn't I tell you you will never be rid of m

Garrett McMahon 28:41

e? Porky's good time over his trick on Ness was cut short by Paula, who sicked her skillet on the boy and made him scamper away. She then offered a hand and helped Ness to his feet.

Garrett McMahon 28:54

Friend of yours?

Garrett McMahon 28:56

Definitely not. He's my neighbor, back in Onett.

Garrett McMahon 29:00

Why is he such a...

The Giant Step and What Ness Saw There

Garrett McMahon 29:02

No idea. Nothing could stop the two kids from reaching the giant step now. Paula led the way out of Tucson proper and closer toward a hilly field as Ness followed close by.

Garrett McMahon 30:10

So um... the teddy bear?

Garrett McMahon 30:14

There's a pouch in his back. It's where I packed all my stuff.

Garrett McMahon 30:18

No, I mean he's uh still walking behind us. And the talking to me in my head, the frying pan...

Garrett McMahon 30:27

Oh yeah. I can do things with my mind. Lots of things.

Garrett McMahon 30:32

Neat. What else can you do?

Garrett McMahon 30:35

We're gonna find out when we reach the Giant Step.

Garrett McMahon 30:39

Soon enough they reached a hilltop removed from the town proper, gated off and reinforced with thick iron chains and padlocks, covered with signs of danger and do not enter, and pictograms of featureless bodies encountering certain death.

Garrett McMahon 30:53

Oh nuts! The cult really must not have wanted anyone to get in here.

Garrett McMahon 30:58

Oh this wasn't the cult. The town put all this up for other reasons.

Garrett McMahon 31:03

Paula put out her hands. Her eyes went blank and let out a ring as her telekinesis made short work of the chains and locks, falling apart into pieces onto the grass. The gate opened with a creak.

Garrett McMahon 31:16

Other reasons? Like what?

Garrett McMahon 31:19

Paula went on as Ness followed her into the park.

Garrett McMahon 31:22

Mostly the gigantic mutated ant that made this place its territory.

Garrett McMahon 31:27

Oh...

Garrett McMahon 31:30

It was then that Ness looked up and saw a gigantic mutated ant. He screamed in frozen place, too petrified to even take his bat out. As big as a mack truck, the thing crawled toward them, its huge legs slamming into the ground, its razor sharp mandibles snapping open and shut, hungry for a meal of fresh human kid.

Garrett McMahon 31:50

Oh my gosh, Paula, it's a gigantic mutated ant.

Garrett McMahon 31:54

I know! Calm down, ya silly. I have it under control.

Garrett McMahon 32:00

The gigantic mutated ant reached them, its snapping mandibles only a foot or so away from Paula's face. Ness cowered behind her, wondering what in the world she was thinking, going up against such a beast with nothing but a frying pan, even one she could control with her mind. He was jealous of the walking teddy bear behind her, because at least that probably wasn't going to get eaten.

Garrett McMahon 32:21

Paula's eyes went white, wind blew in her hair. A second later, the gigantic mutated ant was on fire. The beast screeched and howled, turned tail and ran from the kids deeper into the field and into a lake up by the horizon where it jumped in.

Garrett McMahon 32:40

That's the other thing I can do with my mind.

Garrett McMahon 32:43

Wow! Rockin'! That was awesome!

Garrett McMahon 32:48

Yeah, so awesome I get to live in a bomb shelter. If you're gonna burn anything under this roof, it's gonna be your own room from now on.

Garrett McMahon 32:57

Ness could tell from the brief time he spent with the man that Paula was trying to do an impression of her dad, the reverend car painter himself. Paula, however, thankfully spared him from the misfortune of trying to say something to cheer her up.

Garrett McMahon 33:14

Well, here we are, the world famous giant step, as promised.

Garrett McMahon 33:20

Maybe it was the sanctuary, or just his relief that they were safe from the gigantic mutated ant. Whatever it was, something came over Ness that made him feel really good for the first time since he left his house. The gravity of his journey, and especially the terrifying enemy he was to face, weighed heavy on him even as he met Paula for the first time. But it wasn't until he arrived at the giant steppe that he found himself safe, with this new friend beside him, someone who understood what he was going through, someone who could share in his difficult quest as well.

Garrett McMahon 33:51

Oh, yeah, he was also at the giant freaking step. It was a big tourist destination for a reason. A huge fossilized footstep made by a two hundred foot tall prehistoric man back when they were as big as skyscrapers, years before they evolved into the tiny sized people we know today. And thanks to the ruckus with the mutated ant and the cult, they were completely alone, with no other tourists to hog all the good spots.

Garrett McMahon 34:18

With a big smile on his face, Nest jumped right into the great footprint, took off one sneaker and sock, and stomped his bare foot directly in the middle. Haha Yeah. You see, it's like he took the huge step and made the footprint himself. You get it, right? Yeah. There were thousands of families all over Eagle land with the same photo in their vacation slides, of everyone taking their turn to make the giant step with their own little feet, and now Ness could be numbered among them. Paula watched Ness entirely nonplussed, as he gleaned his little bit of joy, and only after a few minutes or so did Nest remember that she was even there.

Garrett McMahon 35:00

Well, don't I just love that for you now? Anyway, go on and take out the sandstone. This is the first sanctuary. You can record the first part of the melody here.

Garrett McMahon 35:11

What was all that now?

Garrett McMahon 35:14

Paula grumbled and rolled her eyes.

Garrett McMahon 35:17

They really didn't tell you anything about all this, did they?

Garrett McMahon 35:22

"They" was a bug who got squashed by Porky's mom about twenty minutes after I met him, so not really.

Garrett McMahon 35:30

The four melodies, the ancient song of courage, wisdom, and friendship locked in the four sanctuaries of the world, which only a soundstone can unlock.

Garrett McMahon 35:40

What happens when the four melodies get unlocked?

Garrett McMahon 35:43

How should I know? I'm not the one who's gotta hear him. Just take the dang rock out and get to it. We're burning daylight here.

Garrett McMahon 35:51

Ness did so. The soundstone glowed on the side with the footprint. He heard the same ring that came from Paula, although this time he could tell it did not come from her. A song came into his ears, danced around in his head, and settled deep into his heart. But only after two bars, just when it was about to get good, the melody stopped as suddenly as it started. His vision went blank, though his eyes weren't closed...

Garrett McMahon 36:34

When he could see again, he saw a steak on a plate. Rockin', he thought to himself. I love steak. It's my favorite thing. But it wasn't he who said this, it was a voice inside his head, reminding him. He reached for a fork and knife beside the plate before it floated away before his eyes. Ness then found himself in an enchanted land of steak, everyone eating a steak, saying out loud Mm, steak, I love steak. Cows dancing in a conga line into a bin marked steak maker, in which steaks came out the other end, continuing the conga line into the mouths of hungry, happy steak eaters. Behind him, a country rock band wearing ten gallon hats as big as Ness was, were singing a dumb little song he never heard before. "Eat steak, eat steak, eat a big old steer/ Eat steak, eat steak, do we have one, dear?/ Eat beef, eat beef, it's a mighty good food/ It's a grade-A meal when I'm in the moooood."

Garrett McMahon 37:40

Ness eventually came to, still standing in the middle of the giant step, with one sneaker and sock off. Paula sat on the grass, arms folded, waiting for him to finish up. How long was I three hours

Garrett McMahon 37:58

What'd you see?

Garrett McMahon 38:00

Um... steak. A lot of steak.

Garrett McMahon 38:07

Okay.

Garrett McMahon 38:09

it it's my favorite food.

Garrett McMahon 38:12

It's all right if it is.

Garrett McMahon 38:15

My mom, she makes really good steak. You know, nice and rare with the butter and the rosemary sprig.

Garrett McMahon 38:23

I believe you.

Garrett McMahon 38:25

A long silence followed, as Ness couldn't think of anything that would dig him out of the hole he already made for himself with Paula.

Garrett McMahon 38:34

Well, we got what we came for, and let's get a move on.

Garrett McMahon 38:38

Wait, I mean we're at the giant step. Don't you want to try?

Garrett McMahon 38:43

Not really.

Garrett McMahon 38:45

Oh right. I bet you've been here a bunch of times already, since you live here and all.

Garrett McMahon 38:50

I've never been here a day in my life.

Garrett McMahon 38:52

Really? Why not?

Garrett McMahon 38:55

I don't like getting dirty.

Garrett McMahon 38:58

You're no fun at all.

Garrett McMahon 39:01

A few moments passed, and the elation that comes with any bit of tourist novelty wore off of Ness all the same.

Garrett McMahon 39:08

Yeah, I guess it's not as good without uh, getting a picture.

Garrett McMahon 39:13

Ness and Paula jumped with a start and covered their ears, as a loud fanfare of brass and violins filled the great step air.

Garrett McMahon 39:21

Photos taken instantaneously! I am a photographic genius if I don't say so myself.

Garrett McMahon 39:41

The saying goes, Ask and you shall receive. But still, Ness never in a million years expected that the same strange man who came down from the sky to take his picture outside his house would ever show up again. He even let Ness pose with the footprint resting his weight on his one bare foot. With Paula looking on deeply confused, yet in the shot all the same.

Garrett McMahon 40:05

Okay, get ready for an instant memory. Look at the camera. Ready? Say fuzzy pickles.

Garrett McMahon 40:18

Fuzzy pickles.

Garrett McMahon 40:20

Snap.

Garrett McMahon 40:21

Wow, what a great photograph! It will always bring back the fondest of memories.

Garrett McMahon 40:32

And just like before, with a pirouette, the old photographer floated back into the sky. Paula and Ness shared a long moment of silence before she looked at him with a raised eyebrow, and got only a shrug in return.

Garrett McMahon 40:47

Honestly, I was hoping you were going to explain that to me too.

Garrett McMahon 40:54

Just get your shoes on already before you stink up the whole place.

Thank you for listening!

Garrett McMahon 40:58

Paula made a beeline to the gate without waiting for Ness, who was just putting his sock back on. Seeing her walking off so far, he stumbled as he shoved his foot into a sneaker and tried to catch up at the same time. One sanctuary down, three more to go, Ness said to himself, his heart racing. One new friend, two more to go. The podcast against Giygas is an audiobook written and performed by me, Garrett McMahon, based on Earthbound, the Super Nintendo game directed by Shige sato Itoi, with production by William Pawlowski, and thumbnail design and art direction by David Peters. This podcast stinks. It is also a fan-made project affiliated in no way whatsoever with the Nintendo Corporation or Mr. Itoi. This podcast is free to listen to, ad free, and always will be. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode, and I'll see you back next Monday. Till next time.