In Which Our Hero Makes Hay While the Sun Shines

Ness and Jeff reach the top of the dastardly Geldegarde Monotoli’s impossibly tall building to find… Paula perfectly safe and in good spirits? And Mr. Monotoli… not so dastardly?! Yes, the mayor of Fourside was just as much a prisoner of the demon statue’s evil influence as anyone else in the big city was. After the old man explains everything, he promises to reach into his deep pockets and help the kids anyway he can, and a good start would be arranging direct transportation to the next Sanctuary’s location!

But when ugh, PORKY!!! throws a big wrench in those plans, the kids realize that getting to the third Sanctuary will be anything but smooth helicoptering. They soon find themselves stuck in the perpetual tourist-trap land of Summers, where they have no choice but to “make hay while the sun shines” despite lazy tourists and probably way too much sunshine.

Will Jeff’s awesome Sky Runner withstand the full psionic brunt of a Starman attack? Will Ness and his friends discover the fabled treasure of the Diamond Caves? Will they bail the Runaway Five out of a bad contract, sheesh, again?!

Find out on this week’s episode of… The Podcast Against Giygas!

ROCKIN!!!

Chapters

• 0:00 It’s The Podcast Against Giygas!
• 0:33 Mr. Monotoli's Office
• 11:44 We Take the Sky Runner!
• 21:45 The Eternal Tourist Trap of Summers
• 30:15 The Diamond Caves
• 38:11 Thank you for listening!

Transcript

It’s The Podcast Against Giygas!

Garrett McMahon 0:00

You're listening to the podcast against Gaius Episode Nine In which Our Hero Makes Hay While the Sun Shines When Ness and Jeff stormed into the penthouse office of the mayor of Foreside, the fabulously wealthy and powerful Geldegard Monatoli himself, in a desperate final push to rescue their dear friend Paula from the clutches of some mutant alien kidnapping freak, they were stunned to find two rather unexpected things. The very first was Paula herself, perfectly safe and even in cheerful spirits. Sitting beside Monatoli's grand bureau under the four side sun setting through the huge window overlooking the city, sipping iced glasses of sweet tea from a pitcher full of Paula's own secret family recipe. Why, hello there, boys. Come on in and take a loan off. Sure took you long enough. Paula, you're okay. Oh of course I am. I've just been passing the day having a little chat with Mr Monatoli. Sweet tea? I'll trouble you for a glass. I can't tell you what sixty eight flights of stairs will do to one's hydration. Ah, cheers. Ness and Jeff both accepted iced cold glasses of the sweet stuff from their friend. Well I'm glad you're all right. We were so worried when that alien freak kidnapped you. Oh don't be silly, Ness. I wasn't kidnapped at all. You weren't? Of course not. I let that thing capture me. I thought it'd be easier to get to the big man himself if someone just took me to him directly. And I was right. But you were screaming. You were terrified.

SPEAKER_06 2:07

Good god. How much sugar did you put in this?

SPEAKER_05 2:11

Eight cups. Well, of course I pretended I was scared. I had to play the part now, didn't I?

Garrett McMahon 2:18

Well what happened to the alien then? Oh that old thing. See for yourself. With a little giggle, she pointed to a wall behind the boys, who looked to find a permanent shadow etched on the wall, depicting that same tentacled alien menace, holding up its arms and screaming with a look of terror, and below the shadow a shoebox sized pile of dust. They looked to Paula again, who gave the boys a proud smirk, and both boys audibly gulped in dread. Anyway, mister Monatoli isn't so bad as all that. You should hear what he has to say. Oh, which reminds me, that second unexpected thing was that Mr. Monitoli seemed nowhere to be found. Instead there was a second man in the private offices, to be true, but he was old, very old, aged to full grampa. Nothing at all like the dashing, cocky, fabulously wealthy young man Ness and Paula remembered seeing in that newspaper. But then why did Paula keep referring to him as wait a minute? I'm so terribly sorry, children. Ness and Jeff did a double take at the man and gasped, absolutely floored. The old man was Mr. Monitoli. The most powerful citizen in Foresight had positively fast forwarded to a senior citizen. Wrinkles and liver spots adorned his pale skin, his arms and legs had atrophied to pencil thick, and his silver white hair hung long and thin over his bald scalp. He took deliberate steps around his office, and his right hand shook a little when he was at rest. He had to be at least forty. I give up. I'll let Paula return to you at once. I'm sorry I caused you all undue alarm. I don't know what came over me. He rose from his seat and looked out the great window, overlooking the city. The last thing I remember was that horrible boy telling me I could be my old self again, young, handsome, powerful. Before I remember, even saying yes, I was put under a spell. That evil statue created an illusion in my heart and manifested it outwardly in the city. When only mere minutes ago Ness was willing to smash everything in Monatoli's office, and maybe even knock a couple of his teeth out to get Paula back, seeing him now, he actually pitied him. I'm sorry, sir. Is there anything we can oh bless your heart, young man. You don't have to feel bad for me. I had a good long life. I mean now and then I'd daydream what being the mayor would be like if I were a little more uh authoritarian, you know, like most men do. Just so things would get done faster, you see. But I never meant in a million years to make that daydream come true. The old man took one more look at the setting sun inside. But thanks to you, children, the nightmare is over. And whatever comes next I will take full responsibility. Paula stood up and cleared her throat. That's right, boys. Mr Monatoli's gonna reach into those deep pockets of his and finally make some changes around here for the little guy. The old man regarded Paula with a friendly, weak chuckle. You know, children, if you weren't already on your mission from God, I'd have a mind to hire Paula here for my brain trust. She's a special young lady, boys, and I hope you don't ever forget that. Monatoli returned to his desk and took in a deep breath. Now then, on to your journey. While I was under the spell, I heard messages from some force I couldn't comprehend. It said listen to the annoying fat boy um his words, not mine. And stop Ness and his friends at all costs. It said don't let them go to the great desert in Scaraba. Don't let them find the pyramid. Ness Jeff? It's true. The next sanctuary spa is somewhere in Scaraba. I've seen it. Just a moment. What do you mean you've seen it? Oh yeah, we hadn't met you yet. Paula can see the future. Paula rolled her eyes and danced this old boring dance once again, this time for Jeff's benefit. No, she can't control it, so don't ask. Yes, they come true, always. No, she can only see a few seconds at a time, and no, she hasn't seen if they win against Gygus yet. Yes, yes, she'll be sure to let everyone know if and when she does. Jeff Well and Good brought up to speed on Paula's precognition. She took a moment to once again let the nightmare wash over her, the land of shadow and blood and screams and weightlessness and pain all over, and three boys lying dead in front of her, now recognizing one of them in a fine tailored wintergreen school uniform. Anyway, now that you've freed me from that thing, I'll repay your kindness and do the exact opposite of what it said. I'll make arrangements to take you on my private helicopter across the ocean and straight to Scaraba. Wait, before we go Paula stood before Ness and Jeff. I didn't get a chance to tell you before. I'm I'm sorry that I've been well I've been She stammered in her speech, fidgeted with her fingers, looked down to her shoes before finally mustering up the effort to blurt out the word so hateful to her. Bossy Mess and Jeff gasped like they heard the most profane bad word that would have otherwise been bleeped out on TV.

SPEAKER_05 8:10

No, Paula, don't say that.

Garrett McMahon 8:13

You're not oh hush. I've been bossy and you know it. And it's not fair to you. This whole thing must be so hot on you all, and I barely did anything at all to help. Well not any more. I want to be a better help. I I wanna be a better friend to you, Ness Jeff Thanks, Paula. That really means a lot to me. Monotoli cleared his throat, reached for a phone on his desk and dialed a number. Now then, I'll have that helicopter fuel up and ready to go at once. Jeff looked out the window and pointed up. Do you have a second private helicopter? Uh well no, you'd really only need just the one. Why? The four of them looked out the window to see Monatoli's helicopter commandeered and flying away from the rooftop helipad. The aircraft hovered in midair just long enough for its pilot to stick its head out and taunt the three children below him. Though it was a good ways up, and though the helicopter motor was pretty loud, none of them had any trouble recognizing neither the smirking villainous face nor the shrill, irritating voice of Porky Minch.

SPEAKER_06 9:30

I warned you, Ness, every step of the way, you'll never be rid of me.

Garrett McMahon 9:37

Porky stuck out his tongue at the three kids and flew away in Monatoli's helicopter with a laugh.

SPEAKER_05 9:43

Oh nuts.

Garrett McMahon 9:46

Monotoly, Ness, and Paula watched the thing get smaller and smaller in the sky, till no bigger than a speck, it disappeared. And with it disappeared their hopes of continuing their journey. But Jeff was hard at work, pacing around the office, tapping his chin with his forefinger, deep in some good thinking. He stopped suddenly and snapped his fingers. Aha! I've got it, my gum. Don't worry, everyone, all is not lost. We'll set a course back to Threed at once. To Threed? But we just trust me, I've got it all figured out. Mr Monatoli, thank you once again for your um your good intentions. Ness and Jeff stood and shuffled their feet, unsure of what else to say to the friendly old man. Paula grunted and stamped her foot before heading out the office door, yelling at her two friends along the way.

SPEAKER_05 10:36

Well, what are we waiting for? If we hadn't burnt daylight being all misty eyed to each other, we'd be in a nice air conditioned chopper by now. Up and at em. Pick up those heels, boys, let's get a move on.

Garrett McMahon 11:48

This one bearing its world famous bright red suspension bridge, the children took the soonest bus they could back to Threed, back to the circus, stopping for a bit to humor the photographer man in the sky, back to the medieval dungeon museum, and only then did Jeff triumphantly present them with the wreckage of his personal rocket ship. Tada! We take the Skyrunner. I'll get it up and running, and what is it you chops from Eagle and say? Two shakes of a jiffy. Eight hours later, Jeff was still hard at work repairing the great airship, and though he had given strict instructions to Ness and Paula not to leave the room while he worked, to ensure they would be ready to leave immediately upon finishing his work, they were nonetheless able to sneak off no less than twice to sample what the quaint little town of Threed had to offer. Ness found a Threed postcard for his mother, and Paula saw that not only had the zombies taken up residence in the town and were more or less living alongside the Threeds folk in Harmony, they had even established a boutique marmite grocery store and restaurant, and thought it would tickle Jeff Pink to surprise him with a jar or two. Jeff was oblivious all the while, still deep in the middle of recounting long and numerous tales of his exploits at his boarding school. Science fairs one, snowball matches won, bangers and mash eating contests won, you know the kind. Ugh Longest Jeffy I've ever seen shook twice. Oh quit your belly aching, you lot. I just have to apply a little more torque to one more there, ship shape. Jeff triumphantly pushed some buttons on a panel on the ship's hull, and the main entrance doors ejected open, blowing out compressed air. Ness and Paula rose to their feet, stretched their bored arms and legs, and with much relief made their way into the ship. For all the fuss and bother and wait, the Skyrunner ran beautifully. While the initial liftoff was bumpy, like an airplane if you kinda actually do have to put your safety belt on. Once airborne, the airship zipped through the sky with next to no turbulence, smooth enough for the children to walk around the spacious ship, feeling as if they were on a stable, fixed floor on the ground. There was plenty of room in the small vessel for a pilot and two passengers, and once a course was set for Scaraba and Jeff activated the ship's autopilot, the three children sat back and enjoyed a well-deserved break. Jeff prepared tea and cream with thick slices of toast, and offered Ness and Paula a sampling of the marmite that Paula had gifted him before the flight. Ness took a bite and was immediately smitten with the stuff, while Paula spat the stuff out onto her plate with a gag. Jeff tisked and shook his head. Sorry, Jeff. I gave it my best shot. Philistine. I say, are you going to eat that? A boom shook the ship, knocking the children out of their seats. This was no turbulence. Something hit the Skyrunner. Ness and Paula gave each other nervous looks, and Jeff ran to the control panel, pulling up a video feed. Oh dear. Starmen Outside the ship, dozens of the frightening alien soldiers gave chase, flying in midair as fast as the Skyrunner could go. It made sense in a way. The three heroes had already thwarted Gigas' major plans for invasion on the Eagle Land front, the zombie apocalypse, the happy happy cult, and the bad dream city of Moonside. It was time for Gigas to send his heavy hitters, his shock troops, and nip these troublesome children in the bud. Stay calm, everyone. I'll man the thrusters with everything the old girl's got. Ness, take control of the schmup system over there. And Paula, go up into the crow's nest and um do what you do. Ness ran to a control panel on the other side of the ship. It bore a joystick and video feed that rendered the hostile bogies outside as forward facing, pixelated, frowny faced baddies. Ness grabbed the joystick and it fit him like a glove. The crosshairs glided around the screen effortlessly in response to Ness's faintest touch, and the ship boomed when Ness pushed the red button and fired, the Skyrunner's weapons shaking the hull like the bass on a loud record player. Still, Ness had trouble hitting the advancing starmen, especially as Jeff swerved the ship to and fro to evade the alien's deadly blasts of pure destructive energy. Ness wondered how he was even going to stay in his seat, let alone shoot all the starmen out of the sky. Sorry about that, old boy. You'll find a few milliseconds of latency, an unfortunate side effect that comes with the convenience of emulation. Try to feel their flight patterns and lead into them. They may be aliens, but as long as they're on this planet, they have to follow the laws of physics as good as anyone else. And don't be afraid to switch to spread a shot when your enemies also spread out. Ness scrambled back to the console and took in a deep breath. He concentrated on the screen and tried Jeff's advice. While the starman still evaded his shots, he was adapting, getting closer and closer to hitting the targets. There you are.

SPEAKER_02 16:56

If you're encountering an especially stubborn batty, wait till they're close, and then unleash a concentrated spread shot. The extra power and surface area combined with the decreased distance it has to travel means it will take more damage faster.

Garrett McMahon 17:09

It's a gamble, but sometimes it's worth it. One such star man did indeed advance closer to the ship. Ness grunted and trained the crosshairs on it, slamming his thumb on the red button and pumping the alien with everything the ship had. On the screen, Ness saw the batty explode into pixelated dust, and the ship boomed and vibrated in response, as if to validate Ness's kill.

SPEAKER_02 17:32

Yes!

The Eternal Tourist Trap of Summers

Garrett McMahon 17:33

Rockin' Good show. Keep it up. And remember, on a certain level it's just a game. Try to have fun. Paula, meanwhile, buckled up into her seat and pushed a button on the armrest, which propelled the seat up to a hatch outside the Skyrunner. Enclosed in a protective metal mesh fence, Paula held fast onto a brace with one hand and with another brandished her skillet. Her eyes went pure white, and with a ring, she launched her pan from her hand directly into the kisser of an incoming starman. It collided with a satisfying iron bonk and sent the alien careening into others beside him. When the star men were too far away, she launched her pan, and when they were foolish enough to fly closer to her, she hit them with a psychic death ray of her own, immolating them in seconds and sending them packing. Her tactics kept the invading star men more or less away from the Skyrunner and her friends more or less safe. But she could tell it wouldn't be enough to drive them away, or worse, keep them from being followed to the third sanctuary spot. She launched her pan at one more star man, but before she could catch it again, boomerang style, another star man snuck behind the flying ship and fired a blast right at her. She dodged the blast just in time, but failed to catch her pan. She cried out as her weapon slipped from her fingers and careened away from the ship and to the ground. She had little time to mourn the missing skillet, as the star men broke formation and parted from the middle of their ranks. Another star man emerged from the mob, bigger than the others, taller, shining with a bright silver sheen. Razor sharp spikes protruded from the alien's shoulders, no doubt an insignia of its higher rank. The other star men deferred to this one, and even seemed scared of him, and a star man that scared other starmen made Paula positively shudder all over. The starman deluxe raised a slippery limb, and his whole body glowed bright yellow. Paula could feel the power from the frightening alien being purely on a psychic level, as if she could already see in her mind's eye the devastation to come. She panicked and pushed the button that sent her seat back from the crow's nest to the Skyrunner. Ness and Jeff noted Paula's return, but barely had a second to acknowledge it before the ship rocked with a massive blast, and the awful sound of metal tearing off metal. In immediate response, the panels buzzed warning signals and flashed red. And Jeff frantically slammed his hands on each one in what looked more like a game of whack-a-mole. I'm making an emergency landing. Buckle up, everyone. The Skyrunner can take a bumpy landing more than other vessels can, but it won't be pleasant all the same. Ness and Paula did as they were told, and Jeff fastened in as well, as he slammed on buttons and pulled the joystick up with all his might while on the video feeds the ship fell closer and closer to solid ground. Finally, the Skyrunner crashed. Nothing moved for a long while as the broken ship smoked and sputtered. The doors released compressed air, and the three children stumbled upside down out of the vessel and onto solid ground, hopelessly dizzy, and maybe a little bruised, but otherwise unharmed. They took a moment to get their bearings and take stock of the Skyrunner's damage, and especially their relative undamage in comparison, before Paula whimpered.

SPEAKER_05 22:09

They shot my cast iron skillet out of the sky. It's all right, Paula. At least you're not hurt. Maybe later you can get another one.

Garrett McMahon 22:19

You don't understand, Ness. You get one cast iron skillet, and it's supposed to last you the rest of your life. It's my skillet. I can't just get another one. Paula sighed and looked off into the sky, mourning the loss of her beloved Pan with the same rigor that another child might for the loss of their pet. Ness patted her on the shoulder. Don't worry. I'm sure we'll find it. It's gotta be um out there somewhere in the whole wide world. Though Ness was still kind of new to cheering up girls in general, Paula acknowledged the effort all the same and nodded to him as if to say, Thanks, I needed that. Finally looking around, they found themselves on sand, right by the salty ocean. Palm trees dotted the shore, and not far beyond them they could see a bustling beachside town with little shops and open air bistros. The beach was littered with vacationers, tanning on towels or lying under umbrellas or dipping in the clear briny water. Speaking of that, where in the world are we? Do you know where we landed, Jeff? Jeff? They also noticed Jeff for the first time, whose eyes darted around his surroundings with a look of horror. His breath was laboured, and he frequently wiped sweat off his brow. Oh dear. It seems we crash landed off course to the eternal tropical paradise and perpetual tourist trap of summers Are you okay? Oh yes, right as rain. It's just a little it is warm, isn't it? My dad says it's the humidity that really gets you. Jeff's eyes began to spin as he took dizzied steps back and forth. Yes, old boy. It's the humidity indeed. It was also uh historically during the age of exploration, you say for the intrepid sailors who hailed from winters. Jeff staggered back, almost toppling over, and Ness just barely caught him in time. Oh be careful not to worry. I'll be all right. I think if I just keep the old jacket on my shoulders roll up my sleeves I should be Jeff tried exactly this, and got to draping his blazer on his shoulder, untying his bow tie, and rolling up the right sleeve of his white Oxford shirt, before he fainted head over heels onto the sand. Paula made a beeline to him and waved her hand over his face.

SPEAKER_05 25:10

Jeff! Oh you poor thing Ness, go get some water.

Garrett McMahon 25:15

Ness ran off and soon returned with as many bottles of ice cold water he could carry, and after hosing down Jeff's face with one or two, allowing him to guzzle two or three more hole, and wetting down a cold towel to keep around his head, Jeff more or less recovered from his temporary heat stroke. Alright, now we have to find some way to get to Scaraba. We were already delayed by her stay in Foresight, so there's no time to lose. But how And then Ness heard it. The sound of rock music. The delay of a hard hit of a snare heard a mile away, faint notes of a saxophone going nowhere in particular. Could it be? He looked further along the shore, and there it was. A yacht. And as everyone knows, where there's a yacht, there's yacht rock. Come on, I have an idea. They ran as fast as they could to the yacht, and Ness confidently approached the bouncer guarding the ramp leading up to the deck. He dropped his name to the man, and Jeff and Paula were amazed to find that it worked. Running up to the deck, they encountered none other than the world famous Runaway Five, who were, fortunately for Ness, just wrapping up their latest show. The crowd milled away back to the beach, and the band warmly greeted the children.

SPEAKER_03 26:33

Hey hey, young squire, how's it been hangin'?

Garrett McMahon 26:37

Oh, you know, still uh rockin'. Say, we were wondering if you could do some real runaway five fans, a real runaway five favor. Of course. You're bailed aside of that dead end theater in the sticks. Anything for you kids, just name it. Rockin'! We need to join you on your world tour one more time and hitch a ride. Can you help us?

SPEAKER_03 27:01

Of course, young squire. That is um once the world tour starts up again.

Garrett McMahon 27:08

Ness groaned. You don't mean on cue, a man in a flashy suit appeared before the children, brandishing a contract in their faces.

SPEAKER_06 27:20

That's right! The runaway five have signed on to an exclusive deal with me! My ship, my resort. And unless they have a million big ones, the runaway five are gonna be a summerspend forever.

The Diamond Caves

Garrett McMahon 27:36

Ness knew what to do next, though he doubted it would work all the same. He plunked a quarter into a payphone and dialed a number in Tokyo. Gee, uh, I don't know, Schlugger. I want to help you, and you know I want to help the Runaway Five, but I don't have a million dollars. And if I asked my boss for a million dollars and he actually gave it to me, I think we'd both go to jail. Oh nuts. Well, that's okay, Dad. I figured as much. Say, you're in summers, right? Did you hear about this? Uh Diamond Caves? Looks like some rich guy or other commissioned a big dig there. Maybe try throwing in with him. You might find something neat there. Hmm, Diamond Caves? It's worth a shot. Hey, Ness, did you ever hear this saying before? Work to exhaustion when you're young um they've been saying it around the office a lot. I think it means something like make hay while the sun shines. It might help you out just in case you're ever feeling down in the dumps, like nothing's going right, you know? Think about it. Okay, I will. And thanks again, Dad. Till next time. You got it, Slugger. Till next time. Work to exhaustion while you're young. Make hay while the sun shines. Ness had not a clue what either of those sayings meant, but the chat with his father galvanized him all the same. He could feel in his bones that they were only a day or so away from quick passage to Scaraba, then the pyramid, then finally the elusive third melody of the soundstone. All he had to do was make good on an opportunity as soon as it was advantageous to do so. It was a couple hours' journey from the Summer's Resort to the Diamond Caves, which in most cases was a popular excursion spot for visiting tourists and temporary crews passengers alike, but was now rented out for the weekend by one George Montague, a famous TV personality who was always tangled up in some kind of wild stunt or expedition or other for his worldwide syndicated TV show. It's Monta Believable. The plan this time was to bring a professional digging and archaeology crew to excavate the fabled great treasure that was spoken of in legend by peoples long ago. Or it would have been, so he told the children, had not the site recently been attacked by a pack of huge, mutated, cannibalistic moles. Jeff paced around the dig site, tapping his chin. I think you mean human eating moles. If they were cannibalistic, then technically speaking, they would eat their own kind, you see. At any rate, there was no work to be done getting the treasure as long as there was a clear and present danger to life and limb. When the children offered to take care of the problem for him, Mr. Montague let out a raucous laugh. Please, children, I know you mean well, and I know it would make for great TV, but all the same I have a uh ethical duty to stop you from pulling a stunt like that. I assure you there's no cause for concern. I have a rucksack full of bottle rockets, you see. Ah no cause for concern, he says. Keep those blasted things away, young man. I won't have you causing any irreparable structural damage to my dig site.

SPEAKER_05 31:48

Well, okay, we won't use rockets. But my friend here can set things on fire with her mind. Yeah, I already took care of a gigantic mutated ant by myself.

Garrett McMahon 31:57

How bad could a few mutated moles be? Montague molded over with a producer nearby. On the one hand, if the children succeed, they can continue with the dig. But on the other, if they fail, well, then they don't have to share the treasure with anyone, do they? With that, Ness, Paula, and Jeff entered the imposing cave. As dizzying as the cave paths were, they followed the trail of lit clean bleached bones and predictably met their first foe, a hulking, mangy mole with gore dripping through its sharp teeth.

SPEAKER_02 32:31

Welcome to your doom, children. I am one of the five masters of this dungeon. I believe I am the third strongest among my brethren.

Garrett McMahon 32:42

What that Ness raised an eyebrow and cringed. But before very much could be made of the beastie, Paula wasted no time. Her eyes went white, the other boys heard a ring. And seconds later the mole was aflame, howling and running in circles, and not long after it made its way out of the cave the same way the children came. They went further in, lighting the way with a makeshift torch from an old two by four and some rags they found, and lit by Paula, of course. Sure enough, a second gigantic mutated mole emerged from a dark grotto and attacked.

SPEAKER_02 33:17

Oh you foolish children. Get ready to meet your worst nightmare. Out of all the dungeon masters I call my brothers, I am the third strong Oh come on! We already did this bit.

SPEAKER_05 33:32

We did?

Garrett McMahon 33:34

Well yeah, we We're gonna meet three more, and they're all gonna say they're the third the the last one will be like you faced our strong second strong who cares? Just roast them already. Paula didn't have to be told twice. She made short work of this third strongest mole just as easily as she did the uh well, the third strongest mole. Though the way was long, and the kids were just as much in danger of getting lost and running out of water, they nonetheless kept up the trail of bones and defeated all five mutated moles. And why wouldn't they? They were all only the third strongest among themselves, after all. Montague and his crew immediately entered the caves and resumed digging. They told the children it would take a day to find what they were looking for, so they had no choice but to sample the sights and sounds of the summer's resort and beachside town for the remainder of the day. The next morning arrived, and the kids made the trek to the diamond caves once again. Montague was positively beaming, as his efforts had succeeded brilliantly. He made a great show, cameras rolling, of course, of leading the children through the caves, eyes closed, no peeking, and when the spot was reached at last he bade the children open their eyes with a triumphant tada. Ness scanned the cave, squinted a little, but like his companions he could not see any sign of any treasure anywhere. Montague instead motioned to the ground, where before them lied bones? Yes, children, dinosaur bones, the most intact fossilized skeleton of a real live wetnosaurus ever found. Irrefutable proof that dinosaurs walked this earth millions of years ago. This'll take pride of place in the Summers Museum of Natural History. But where's the treasure? Why don't you silly, young man? This is the treasure. It's another giant step toward humankind understanding where we came from and whereupon we greet our ultimate destiny. It's a priceless treasure of science. Hey. Jeff, you're not helping. What about I don't know, a diamond or something? I thought this was called the diamond caves. Oh, this? Montague reached in his coat pocket and produced a huge diamond, about the size of a softball. I picked this up right when we started the dig. Didn't think anything of it. It's just a highly compressed hunk of carbon, worthless really. No scientific value whatsoever. Why, you want it? I was gonna throw it out. Ness was miffed that they had wasted a whole day getting the stinking diamond, but thankful they were at least one step closer to bailing out the runaway five, and thereby finally heading to the Scaraba Desert, and soon after the third sanctuary spot. The diamond was duly appraised to be worth no more, no less, than$999,999. Ness ponied up the difference with some quarters in his pocket, funds were exchanged, hands were shook, documents were torn in half, and the Runaway Five leaped for joy once again.

SPEAKER_05 36:44

Who you took us right out of a nightmare and right into a dream. Again. Yeah, it it was no problem. So when can we set sail for Skaraba?

Garrett McMahon 36:56

The Runaway Five looked at Ness like he had just spoken a whole bunch of dolomies.

SPEAKER_03 37:02

Scaraba? We're not going to Skaraba, kid. What? What do you mean you're not the next step on our tour is foresight. That's totally out of the way.

SPEAKER_05 37:18

Foresight? Oh man, why did we spend so much time bailing you out then?

SPEAKER_03 37:24

I don't know. We thought you were just being uh very uh uncommonly generous. To be fair, kid, you never did tell us you were going to Scarada.

SPEAKER_05 37:36

Of course we did! That was the very first thing we said. We all definitely said that.

Garrett McMahon 37:40

We said it like twelve times Ness frantically looked to his two friends.

SPEAKER_05 37:46

We did, though, didn't we? Didn't we?

Garrett McMahon 37:52

An hour later, Ness, Paula, and Jeff looked off from the pier and waved bon voyage with the rest of the Runaway Five's adoring fans as their ship blew its foghorn and sailed away from Summers.

SPEAKER_06 38:06

I hate the Runaway Five!

Garrett McMahon 38:14

You've been listening to the Podcast Against Gaiges. The Podcast Against Gaius is an audiobook written and performed by me, Garrett McMahon, based on Earthbound, the Super Nintendo game directed by Shige Sato Itoi, with production by William Pulowski, and thumbnail design and art direction by David Peters. This podcast stinks. It is also a fan-made project affiliated in no way whatsoever with the Nintendo Corporation or Mr. Itoi. This podcast is free to listen to, ad free, and always will be. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode, and I'll see you back next Monday. Till next time.