In Which Our Hero Sees His Dad Again

It was a heck of a fight between Ness and Prince Poo versus the Carbon Dog, and Ness more than earned his right to visit the Fire Spring. While Ness is occupied with the Third Sanctuary (FINALLY!!), the others of the Chosen Four open up to each other. Maybe now they’ll understand just what is going on with Paula and her visions, anyway, and just why is Prince Poo like that, anyway… and, by the way, where has ugh, PORKY been all this time? 

Will Ness come down from the fiery mountain a better, stronger boy? Will they be ready for whatever followed them down the hole in the floor to the Lost Underworld? And will Jeff be able to get the photographer man to snap a cool pic of the Chosen Four with actual real-life dinos, thereby making the single greatest scientific discovery of their time?

Find out on this week’s episode of… The Podcast Against Giygas!

ROCKIN!!

Chapters

• 0:00 It’s The Podcast Against Giygas!
• 0:34 The Fire Spring and What Ness Saw There
• 6:52 Paula's Nightmares, and Go Fish
• 14:33 Prince Poo's Training
• 19:02 The Alien Scum Attack!
• 31:01 Thank you for listening!

Transcript

It’s The Podcast Against Giygas!

Garrett McMahon 0:00

You're listening to the podcast against Gaias Episode 15, in which our hero sees his dad again. For just about the whole time, even as he approached the third great sanctuary of the world, Ness couldn't help but think about how funny it all was. Like the cartoons he'd watch. There'd be some mystic yogi in a loincloth and a turban, walking on coals, grunting and groaning. Then when someone accidentally jumps on their back, they screech in agony as steam shoots out of their ears, and then they skyrocket hundreds of feet in the air, leaving a trail of smoke in their wake. And here he was, walking across the white hot coals like it was nothing. Though he figured it was all due to the magic of the sanctuary, and so he probably shouldn't push his luck on the Carney circuit when this was all over. Finally, Ness approached the source of the lava flow, the fire spring itself. A huge outcropping of jagged rock, spewing graceful jets of lava like a wishing well. Ness was mesmerized by the flow of glowing hot rock, and the unbearable heat was to him a comforting warmth, like a hot bath after a long and fun snow day off from school. He let the lava flow over his toes and swished his feet in the puddles, feeling to him like a cool rain after a long, hot summer day. He wished more than anything he could have shared this place with Paula, Jeff, and especially Prince Pooh. After a long while of standing in the awesome presence of the fire spring, meditating, just admiring it, Nest took the soundstone out of his pocket. The side bearing the volcano etching glowed. A song came into his ears, danced around in his head, and settled deep into his heart. But just as two bars passed, just when it was about to get good, the melody stopped just as suddenly as it started. His vision went blank, though his eyes weren't closed. When he could see again, he saw himself in a moment so thoroughly burned into his brain, not even the fire spring could have done it better. The baseball diamond in the one at park. No one there but Ness and his dad. It had been so long since Ness had seen his dad's real life face that the sight of him in his own memory surprised him. He was a bigger, taller, adultier, and way more mustachy version of Ness himself, who always took on more of his father. He remembered the game at school the day before. They were down two to one, last inning, last out, last swing. His friends were on second and third base, and all he had to do was hit it into the field. Sure, a home run would have been great, but all he had to do was get his friends home. He struck out. That weekend, his dad took him to the park. They worked on his swing again and again. He almost gave up, a few times in fact, but his dad never gave up on him. They must have been there for hours. He hit some pop flies at first, and his dad caught them easily. But his swing improved, slowly, surely, till the next thing he knew he was popping the pitches way out of the diamond more often than not. His dad liked to call him Slugger ever since he started playing baseball, but that was the moment he actually became one. He wasn't the best player, and he was always working on that, of course, but everyone at school knew that Ness Elliott had a monster swing, and his team always did their best to fill the bases when they knew he was about to step up to the home plate. He was proud of that. Ness saw his dad on that day, cheering every single hit as if they were all the game-winning grand slam. He chuckled to himself when, in the vision, one of his hits went really far. So far that they didn't see exactly which car's windshield had shattered and which alarm went off ringing throughout the park. Ness was terrified. He felt like he did something horribly wrong, and he was shocked to look up at his dad and see that he was just as terrified as he was. Luckily, his dad shooed him away from the field and into safety before any irate drivers ever became the wiser. He remembered that day unlike any others because, after chowing down on a double bacon cheeseburger deluxe, and loaded chili fries, and unlimited refills of chocolate peanut butter milkshakes, his dad took the worn red hat off his own head and placed it right on top of his son's head. He remembered that day unlike any others because it was also the last full day he had with his dad before he was to fly away to Tokyo for his job for three whole years. The soundstone showed him that next morning at the airport as well, his dad standing before the gate, suitcases packed. He saw himself standing next to his mom, who was comforting him as tears ran down his cheeks. He hugged his dad for as long as he could, smelling his aftershave, feeling the bristles of his shaved cheeks gently scratching his face, vowing not to let go, only until some other tremendous outside force made him let go. He did, somehow. And then his dad told him till next time. And then he turned his back on his wife and son. And that was the last time Ness ever saw him. The movie ended. Ness found himself in the fire spring again, crying the same tears his ten year old self was crying in the vision, but evaporating the moment they fell off his cheeks. He let himself cry them out a little more, not daring to show any to Prince Pooh when he got back. Then to no one in particular, maybe the fire spring, or maybe just the soundstone, he said, Thank you. Paula grumbled and took the pile of cards in front of her. This was the third game in a row, and, like the others, it was Jeff's to win. Are you alright? Oh I'm fine, I just I keep losing. The truth was, something had been weighing on her mind the moment they had stepped onto that ship to sail to Scaraba. The moment Prince Pooh had joined the chosen four. For not only was the group complete, but so was the nightmare. The third boy lying dead at her feet in that horrible realm of misty blood so thick it choked her when she breathed, of a thousand screams in every direction filling her ears and head. The third dead boy was wearing a white ghee with a black belt, and lying face down on the ground, Paula could clearly see a long black braid that trailed from his head to the middle of his back. Got an it and it kings Gofish. Paula drew the pot and accidentally let out a tear, and Jeff noticed, taken aback. Oh dear. We can stop playing if you No, it's not that Paula wiped the single tear away, took in deep breaths, and toughened up. You have to promise you won't tell the others. Especially Ness. Promise me? You have my word. Paula put her full hand on the pot and took Jeff's cards as well, shuffling the cards as she spoke. I've been lying to you to everyone. You know how I I see visions of the future? The truth is I I have seen a vision of us fighting him Gaigus and I think we lose and like I said before, the visions always come true. Always The curse of Cassandra an unenviable fate. I'm so sorry, old girl.

unknown 9:05

Ham.

Garrett McMahon 9:07

Jeff offered her one of his initial handkerchiefs, which she accepted. We're in this horrible place I don't know how else to describe it, but it's just full of him. It's him everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

And and Ness and Prince Pooh and you're lying on the ground, face down, but I recognize you all by your clothes.

Prince Poo's Training

Garrett McMahon 9:32

You're all dead. And I'm kneeling on the ground beside you, and I'm crying so hard it hurts my whole body. I'm starting to understand. Ever since the romp and Forsyth, you've been more withdrawn, perhaps feeling like you're not as essential to the journey as you first were. Maybe you feel that if you don't invest yourself in your companions as much, it it won't hurt as much when you think you will inevitably lose us. Forgive me if I'm being presumptuous, but have I hit the mark? Well maybe I guess I never thought of it like that, but yeah, I think so. It's understandable to feel that way. But I have some bad news for you. It's a rubbish plan. What? It'll never work. Doomed to fail. Already has, in fact. Why Jeffrey and nuts? What is this nonsense you're saying to me now? Jeff rose to his feet, paced around, and scratched his chin. I'm not convinced that in the vision we are precisely dead, first of all. You're not checking our vital signs, there's no viscera or gore or any such ghastly things lying about. This nightmarish moment, while I don't mean to trivialize it one bit, is still just that, a moment in time. And the pesky thing about time is just how bloody infinite it is. No matter how high the number, you can always add one. No matter how awful the moment, the next second always ticks by. It's very Aristotelian that. Jeff stopped pacing and sat beside Paula. He gently offered his hand to take hers, and without really knowing what she was doing, she accepted it. And my second point is this. Even if this apparition is proof positive that my companions and I are doomed, well I don't care. Your plan to keep us at arm's length for your own good has already disastrously failed, because you have a true and steadfast and inseparable friend, if not in anyone else in the whole world, then in me. What what Jeffrey And you're right. You shouldn't tell the others because it will do no good. Because I made a promise to stand by your side to the bitter end, and so I will, and so will they. Though I do hope it doesn't come to all that. I've grown rather fond of you all, and once this hero's journey has concluded, I I do hope I see you all once again. Even me? Especially you are a fascinating young lady, Paula Carpainter. You are kind and sincere and whip smart, but also strong, and fearless and ferocious. Paula had been called many things by her schoolmates, weird, creepy, mean, bossy, even ugly. She had been called many things by her father, a pest, a menace, an abomination, a danger to herself and others. No one, certainly not anyone her age, had ever before called her ferocious. She fell in love with the word, said it over and over again in her mind, sang it like a song on the radio. She was ferocious. I know it is usually difficult given the circumstances of our journey, but my advice to you is this. The next time the world affords us a moment's respite, try to allow yourself a little joy. She said nothing for a long while, beaming at Jeff, glowing with dumb giddiness. She let Jeff deal another game and let him smile right back at her. Now then, have you any nines? Go fish. Prince Pooh had put on his footwear again and sat on the gravel, favoring his right toe. It still stung like crazy, but he'd live, and perhaps after the day's end he'd walk without a limp. He grumbled and groaned at his current situation for a while before he heard a curious sound behind him. Prince Pooh turned around and saw an old man wearing only a dirty, ragged green robe, resting on his back, playing a jaw harp. He was pretty good too, almost as good as Prince Pooh. He kowtowed before the old man, who of course was the only living soul in the universe the prince had, and would still ever deem to cow tow too, and spoke to him in Dolomese. Master, you're here The old man ignored him, finishing up his tune. Are we to finish my training now? Your training? What else do you want to know? You still have yet to teach me the Star Storm. Will you now show me how to throw down the very heavens at my enemy? Why? Why? Because I must learn it. If knowledge exists, if power exists, I must be made aware of it. Why? Because if I ever face an enemy who requires it, of whom this power is their only weakness, then I must have that power. I could not tolerate such a defeat if there was a clear way to victory, and I simply didn't know. And for whom would you use such a power? For whom? I I don't understand your question. The old man sighed, gave up talking to Prince Pooh, and picked up his jaw harp again. His voice spoke directly into the prince's mind as he played. I cannot teach you, boy. No one can. What? How can this be? No one taught me the Star Storm either. And when I did learn it, I used it only once, to save the life of a dear friend, the best friend I ever had. After that, I never encountered a cause more noble, more beautiful, that ever required that dread technique. That was twenty five million years ago. No, this can't be. I spent my whole life. I did as you asked, always. I mastered every skill you taught me. I mastered emptiness itself. If it's indeed as you say, if you have mastered emptiness, then there's only one thing left to do. Prince Pooh blinked, and then there was the Star Master, standing right in front of him. He gave the young prince a warm smile and pointed a single bony finger right at the boy's heart. Fill yourself up. Prince Pooh blinked again, and then the Star Master whisked away in a whirlwind. Not long after he heard Ness's footsteps in the hot coals behind him.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

I'm back.

The Alien Scum Attack!

Garrett McMahon 17:40

Prince Pooh waited as Ness sat back down on the gravel and put on his socks and sneakers. Hey Pooh, what were you doing just then? Nobody. What? Uh I mean, let's just get out of here. I don't like this place, and we've been here long enough. Ness rose to his feet and joined his companion for the long walk down. Oh are you hurt? No. But you're limping. You're limping. Whatever. Shut up. Paula and Jeff were well used to long hours with Nessa's sanctuary spot, but even allowing that, it wasn't until early sundown that Ness and Prince Pooh arrived from the mountain in tow. They immediately met up with Ness, who was in high spirits, and most unexpectedly, only Prince Pooh seemed to be injured. The moment they arrived, they were also greeted by the talking rocks. Curiously, they were all wearing pointy party hats, blowing little noisemakers, and somehow got a whole mess of rainbow confetti in the air. Ness felt less like he had slain a terrible beast and reached the sacred top of a mountain, and more like his friends in the treehouse were surprising him on his birthday.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

Woo Yeah Ness Oh yeah you did it Whoa, baby, you won!

Garrett McMahon 19:53

Thanks, guys. Thanks. Ness, you made it. Yeah. We both beat that guardian together, no problem. That's great. And what about the sanctuary spot? What did you see this time? He hesitated for a long while, then took off his hat and looked it over, studied the faded edges, the fraying threads around the visor, the sun discolored splotches of red. I saw my dad. Paula smirked at Ness, folding her arms. So it wasn't weird alien stuff then, huh? No. I'm not sure I understand it yet, but the sanctuaries have all been showing me just stuff I like and people I love. My mom and dad and my dog. I guess I'll find out why when I get to the last one at Prince Pooh? Are you alright? Ness had noticed that while he was speaking, Prince Pooh had looked off to the fire spring, looking more glum than usual. He whipped around to face Ness and snarled. You don't always have to ask me if I'm alright. I was alright an hour ago. I'm alright now. I'm going to be alright later. I will always be alright for the rest of my life. I'm fine. Ness flinched at Prince Pooh's outburst. He thought he made significant progress with him back at the fire spring, and seeing the side of him again hurt more than he let on. Prince Pooh noticed this and calmed himself. I'm sorry. It was a hard battle, I'm still a little on edge. An uncomfortable silence followed, which was broken this time by Jeff. Well, I don't know about the lot of you, but I say we should linger a while. Think about it. Dinosaurs If we could get physical evidence of real live, extant dinosaurs to the surface, why we'd all be millionaires. Tell me someone brought it.

SPEAKER_00 21:57

Photos taken instantaneously I am a photographic genius if I don't say so myself.

Garrett McMahon 22:09

Jeff was elated as the photographer man descended before them, before realizing he had pointed his camera toward where the children stood, the majestic Firespring Mountain behind them. In other words, his back facing away from any and all of the huge, lumbering, incredibly rare dinosaurs in the incredibly rare jungle of the Lost Underworld.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

OK, get ready for an instant memory. Look at the camera, ready, say fuzzy pickles. Um I say, good man, could we look at the camera, ready?

Garrett McMahon 22:50

Say fuzzy pickles. If I could just uh suggest a very slight change in the angle. Look at the camera, ready Say Fuzzy pickles Fuzzy pickles It took all of Jeff's strength, despite his dismay at Ness putting up his two fingers in a peace sign and giving the okay to snap the photo, to smile along with everyone else.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

Wow what a great photograph It will always bring back the fondest of memories.

Thank you for listening!

Garrett McMahon 23:27

The photographer man floated away, and with him went Jeff's dreams of making the single most significant scientific discovery in his time. Blast Well, I wonder where we should go now. Paula, have you seen anything lately? Paula shrugged, and then Ness took out the soundstone. Three engravings were already glowing a faint white light. The footprint, the waterfall, and the volcano. It left only that strange circular shape, an O held up by several straight spokes. Hmm. Kinda looks like Stonehenge, doesn't it? Ness turned to Paula with a laugh. I wonder what stupid stuff we have to do to get to this one next. I bet we have to find a man who designs mazes for a living, and go through like his special maze. Oh sure. You know, he just wants someone to tell him how nice his little maze is. Yeah. And then he makes himself into like a big skyscraper sized maze. But when he walks around, he accidentally gets himself stuck in trees. Well then we'll have to borrow his submarine to go through a big swamp at the center of the earth. And fight the puke monster again. Then we'll have to help these little creatures who were too shy to talk. Oh, that's no big deal. We just have to go back to the library and get a book on how to overcome shyness. Yep, that'll do it. And then they'll give us the treasure they've been gotting. Yeah. It's a check for a billion dollars, which we have to give to the runaway five. Of course, we have to bail out the runaway five again. As Ness and Paula enjoyed their little game, Jeff took a closer look at the symbol on the soundstone. I say, is that it? I live right by that. You do? I do indeed. Jeff, you live next door to the Stonehenge monument? Stonehenge, eh? Is that what they call that stonking great thing? They were interrupted by something they had not heard much since the first setting foot onto the mysterious land the roar of dinosaurs. They turned around and gasped. Scores of starmen marched on the land, swarms of mooks and octobots levitated in the air, and they all fired their terrible blasts of alien power at the beasts. The dinosaurs roared and stamped their huge feet and tails on them, and between them both they were pretty evenly matched. So these were the legions of starmen promised by Porky once he recovered from that bonk on the head. Oh no! They followed us here Jeff regarded them while scratching his chin. What are they up to? They're barely making a dent in those great beasts. Prince Pooh drew his sword. They're riling them up. They're cutting off our escape. Weapons at the ready, everyone. We're in for a fight. Paula's eyes went white, and a ring chimed in their heads as her pan orbited around her in midair. Jeff drew a laser pistol in one hand and held his rocket remote in the other. Nuss also stepped up, giving his bat a few swings. No, you stay back. But I want to help. This isn't the fire spring. This is a fight you can't win. A group of the aliens approached the children, who were ready for them. A star man struck first, and Prince Pooh leaped out of the way, disappearing in a flash one moment, and in the next, cutting it down with his sword, making the thing disintegrate into vapor. He glared at a gaggle of other starmen, relishing the chance to use the sharpened edges of the great ancient weapon against a foe that truly deserved them. Paula glared at one of the cackling mooks, remembering her ill treatment at their tentacles back and foreside, and poured her rage into this fight. Try as they might to gang up on her and ensnare her in their slippery arms, Paula kept them at bay with the deadly iron pans circling around her, and soon enough their hyena laughs became shrieks of burning agony. I'm ferocious, she said to herself with a smile. Jeff fired his laser pistol at a hovering octobot, and a battle of wits between a master of machinery versus a master machine began. Its hull was impervious to laser blasts, and its own death ray carved the earth upon which Jeff only just narrowly avoided. But the joints between its body and the mechanical tentacles? That was another story. Laying down heavy tactical laser fire while carefully guiding bottle rockets to the weak joints, Jeff soon enough made it hard for the octobot to spin its tentacles and float in midair, and cause much more trouble, for its sheer lack of non-exploded arms. Prince Pooh held his own against the Starmen, zipping around, chopping them in half, swiping their deadly blasts away with his sword, using their death ray blasts against them, zipping away and making them hit their alien allies. Two starmen ganged up on the prince, and while he was able to take out one, the other knocked him on his back, dropping his sword. Grasping for it by his side, he was stopped by the Starman, who slammed its foot on his chest. Prince Pooh struggled as his enemy's head glowed yellow, preparing another deadly blast. Something tapped the alien on the back. It stopped glowing and turned around. Ness wound up and swung the gutsy bat with all his might, connecting on its head and launching it off its feet. Prince Pooh took up his sword and sliced the thing in half before it hit the ground. Ness gave the prince a little grin, who rolled his eyes and grumbled. Yeah, yeah, thanks. An awful sound filled their minds, the scratchy, static, telepathic voices of a hundred starmen. It was heavy, rhythmic, almost like a military chant. Indeed, the children could see them lined up in formation, giving way to one among their number that held indomitable sway. The Starman leader, with great sharp spikes protruding from his back, the Starman Deluxe. He fired a warning shot, which obliterated the ground before him, and left a crater the size of a landmine's blast. I've seen him before. We can't win against him. Prince Pooh sheathed his sword and looked at the mob of starmen, its leader advancing with slow, deliberate steps, knowing he was powerful enough not to hurry, that victory was assured whether he reached the kids now or a few minutes later. Another gigantic blast erupted before him. Paula's right, we have to go. There's too many of them. No, it's our fault they're here. We have to ha Ness! If we stay here we're dead. It's that simple. Jeff, are you sure you've seen that place on the soundstone? Of course I'm sure. Prince Pooh took Jeff's hand. Then think about that place as hard as you can. You put that thought directly into my mind. He gave Paula's hand to Jeff, and Ness took Paula's. And you hold on. Prince Pooh closed his eyes, and everyone grasped each other's hands tight. The star man deluxe was getting closer and closer. He raised his liquid silver hand, ready to fire another blast. Prince Pooh snapped open his eyes, now flat white, and stopped the world. The podcast against Geigas is an audiobook written and performed by me, Garrett McMahon, based on Earthbound, the Super Nintendo game directed by Shige Sato Itoi, with production by William Pulowski, and thumbnail design and art direction by David Peters. This podcast stinks. It is also a fan-made project affiliated in no way whatsoever with the Nintendo Corporation or Mr. Itoi. This podcast is free to listen to, ad free, and always will be. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode, and I'll see you back next Monday. Till next time.