In Which Our Hero Has a Sleepover at Prince Poo's House

The third Sanctuary is in the bag, now on to the fourth!

…except, well, there’s a big, and frankly kind of silly, obstacle hopelessly in their way. While the Chosen Four are stranded in Winters and Jeff works tirelessly on an invention to clear the path forward, Prince Poo takes it upon himself to whisk Ness away to his homeland, the misty mountain kingdom of Dalaam. There, the Prince has big things to share with his companion, about his home, his quest, and his ultimate destiny.

Will Ness keep his footing on the weird and wonderful Pink Cloud of Dalaam? Will he emerge victorious when locked with Prince Poo in a knock-down drag out… baseball game? Or how about a silly-face contest? And… WILL Ness and Prince Poo finally, FINALLY become best friends?!

Find out on this week’s episode of… The Podcast Against Giygas!

ROCKIN!!

Transcript

It’s The Podcast Against Giygas!

Garrett McMahon 0:00

You're listening to the podcast against Gaius Episode 16, in which our hero has a sleepover at Prince Pooh's house. They were running, flying? Whatever it was, Prince Pooh led the children by the hand faster than they could have ever imagined, seeing hundreds of vistas whizzing by them, a different view per millisecond, going so fast that Nest floated off the ground as he held Paula's arm with both of his hands for dear life. Whatever the prince was doing, it came to an abrupt halt. Slamming into a hard wall, the children all tumbled onto a snow covered ground. Smarting from the fall, but at least thankful they were out of harm's way via hundreds of bloodthirsty starmen, they slowly rose to their feet. Prince Pooh grumbled and immediately went to Jeff. What just happened? You're asking me? I told you to think about that place. This isn't it. This isn't anything. Well, my friend, I was thinking it. How could this be? My technique is flawless. Well it's not my fault. I know this place like the back of my Ohm that's new. Jeff pointed to the wall they had collided into, and Prince Pooh obliged him. They were otherwise somewhere in winters in some snowy woodsy field or whatnot, in the middle of a long sloping valley on either side, but directly in front of them loomed a huge otherworldly black monolith, in the shape of a number two pencil. How bizarre. Hold on. Prince Pooh whisked away, and seconds later came back. Getting increasingly frustrated, he did this two or three more times. It's negating my technique somehow. No matter which point I start, I I can't go forward. Nothing doing then. It's a day's walk to my house, fortunately enough. Let's just head around this blasted thing, and before long we Oh dear. Jeff finally turned to face Ness and Paula, who were both shivering so hard their teeth were audibly rattling. Prince Pooh, if you would be so good as to collect some kindling abby, Ness, Paula, do as many jumping jacks as you can till I say nay. Woo trust me, old boy. Jumping jacks forthwith. As Prince Pooh zipped back and forth, bringing more and more armfuls of dead wood, Ness and Paula were surprised to find that as hard as it was to start, the jumping jacks were actually helping them warm up. After quickly setting up a decent enough teepee formation, Jeff lit the dead leaves and twigs in the middle with his laser pistol, and they had a hot and bright fire going in no time. Nonetheless, Jeff made Ness and Paula keep up the exercise for about ten minutes longer before allowing them to sit and warm themselves. Jeff, of course, had scaled back on packing for his travels and only brought eight spare penguin down green jackets, of which he duly offered one to each freezing friend. The spare jacket fit Paula perfectly, but it was two sizes too small for Ness. He had to keep his arms straight out just to keep the thing on him, and truth be told, even in that limited position it did little to warm him. And while it was true that Paula could set fires with her mind, well, you could be sure that Ness, as much as he wanted to stay warm in that frozen winter's field, absolutely drew the line at actually being on fire. This all led to the next option, blowing up that big pencil. Jeff fired off a single salutary bottle rocket without so much as a scratch, and only after launching a handful more at the thing and concentrated fire, which achieved the same results of the first rocket, did Jeff abandon that course of action. Hmm. Maybe the monolith is composed of an otherworldly element, which should it bond with the specific molecular makeup of, say, a dollop of trout flavor No, Jeff. There was no way around it. There was no knocking the stupid thing over. Ness was tethered to the bonfire, and without Prince Pooh's ability to walk across the sky, they were good and stuck. Ah, blast. Let's set up camp here, and meanwhile I suppose I shall have to think of a way through. They didn't say much after that, as Ness and Paula stayed by the fire, Paula tugging the jacket tighter and tighter, and Ness alternately shoving his palms closer and closer to the flame before backing away from too much smoke in his eyes, all while Jeff tinkered off to the side on his machine that opens most doors, especially when you have a slightly bent key and portable unlimited trout flavored yogurt dispenser, and Prince Pooh wait a minute, where was Prince Pooh? Finally, after a good few hours of little more than warmth, Prince Pooh approached Ness. He almost tiptoed toward him, as if nervous he'd wake a sleeping rabid dog. Ness, could we could I speak to you in private? Ness nodded and rose to the prince's level, not straying too far from the fire. How did you do it? I'm sorry, I wish I knew. It'd sure come in handy if I could figure it out, though. Is there anything you can tell me? What you were maybe thinking or feeling? Well I remember you said something about him hurting my family and friends. It was the same thing he told me once in my head. And I just got so mad I Prince Pooh turned away from Ness and took in a pained sigh, then toughened up and turned to his companion once again. It's as I thought. Ness could I show you something? Prince Pooh stretched out his right hand to Ness, and remembering what that usually meant he wanted from him before, it made Ness flinch and step back. Please, I don't mean any harm, I promise. That was true enough. The prince could still be a grouch sometimes, but his days of trying to yoink away Ness's grand cosmic responsibility were far in the past.

Prince Poo's Makes His First Friend

SPEAKER_02 7:03

Ness nodded and took Prince Pooh by the hand, and before he knew it, Ness found himself in darkness, not oppressive, just somewhere in the world where it was still night.

I Know You Don't Know How to Play Baseball

Garrett McMahon 8:10

As his eyes adjusted, he saw Prince Pooh beside him. They were standing on solid ground, although underfoot it felt a little fluffy, squishy, maybe? Good. We're not too late. Look. The prince pointed out to the sky above them. The black of the night sky let out a crack of red, then orange, then faded away to let in the morning sky. Then that sliver of bright red peeking out of the horizon grew bigger and bigger. The morning sun loomed large over the boys, a bright red disk in the orange sky. It shone down on the ground far below them, gently peeling off the blanket of night and revealing a vast land of countryside villages on one side, and a busy cluster of skyscrapers on the other, with microscopic people walking around and driving toy cars all over them. Prince Pooh put a hand on Ness's shoulder and motioned with the other toward the amazing vista, giving him a warm smile. Welcome to Delam. Welcome to my home. Ness had seen plenty of sunrises before, but none like this. The sun was a huge burning ball in the sky above him, and what looked like the whole of Delam was below him. Wow it's beautiful. Thank you, Prince Pooh. For all the wonder he saw right in front of him, Ness completely forgot about the rest of his surroundings, until now. He saw that he was on a mountain, or underneath a mountain, to be precise. The edge of the great peak was behind him, and the sunrise before him, and beneath his feet he was standing on a huge, misty, purple cloud. He gasped and staggered back. He saw plenty of cartoons enough to know you can't stand on a cloud, but Prince Pooh caught him by the shoulders and brought him to sure footing once again. It's all right. You're not in any danger here. Ness looked down and took stronger, more confident steps. How? I don't know. But I love it here. I've snuck off to the spot hundreds of times, ever since I learned how to skywalk. I wonder if I was given the soundstone, maybe this would have been one of my sanctuaries. Yeah, maybe. Oh man, I wish I had a camera right now. Ness and the prince shared a pleasant moment of silence. Ness then cleared his throat and looked up to the sky. I wish I had a camera right now. Nothing happened. Ness grumbled and tried again. I really wish I had a Ness. What are you doing? Nothing. Prince Pooh led Ness further along the cloud, leading to a doorway within the wall of the Great Peak. He followed him in and encountered a long, dark, torchlit hallway. This is a secret passage into the palace. Only I know about it. Come on. Ness followed him deeper into the corridor, which led to the gates of a grand room. Well, to be more accurate, it was a set of statues. And to be more accurate than that, those statues were in the shape of two big rabbits. And just to be out with it, they looked like the grumpiest rabbits Ness had ever seen, huge, looming over the two boys, each holding up a paw and obstructing the way. Wait here, I have to borrow the key. I'll be just a moment. Before Ness could get a word in edgewise, Prince Pooh zipped away and disappeared. After a few seconds had passed, Prince Pooh reappeared before him. Don't wander around anywhere while I'm gone. And with that, he vanished once again, only to reappear just as suddenly. And don't touch anything. Pooh disappeared one more time, only to once again to Nexus vexation, reappear beside Ness. And don't let anyone see you. Now he was gone for good. At least longer than the few moments or so like before. As the seconds ticked by, Ness grew more and more anxious. Was he even supposed to be here? It's not like it was his fault. But what would he say should a high dignitary of Delam catch him wandering around? Would they believe him if he said the crown prince insisted that he teleport to a cloud outside the palace and join him through a secret passage? But thankfully he didn't need to pursue that bit of worry much longer, as Prince Pooh zipped back by his side. He reached in his pocket and took out what looked like a key, but it was in a funny shape. Indeed, in the shape of a carrot. The prince placed the carrot key into the open paw of one of the mean rabbit statues, and in response they retreated, swinging outward with a loud creak as if they were the doors on the hinges of a massive gate. Ness shrugged and followed Prince Pooh further in. For indeed, sometimes all you need to placate even the most seemingly intractable obstacle in your way is a carrot. Ness saw what appeared to be a gallery, dozens of statues layered in gold and studded with jade and jewels, huge, proud and ferocious beasts, great elephants and birds and tigers that were the gods of old Dalam. And lining the walls were hundreds of paintings and tapestries, big and small, mythical events of centuries past, great battles between huge armies, lone heroes slaying horrific monsters, all rendered in an old Dalamese style that reminded Ness of a cartoon, but older and somehow more magical. This is the most sacred place in the Golden Palace. All these images were made by our royal mystic sears, and they depict events of the future as well as the past. Prince Pooh sharply turned toward Ness and gave him a fierce glare, uncharacteristic of his friendly demeanor thus far. No one is allowed in this room, so you better not tell on me or I'll be in big trouble. Ness was taken aback until the prince cracked a grin and a wink and patted him on the shoulder. He led him to the tapestry that took pride of place among all the others. Four proud warriors versus two frightening monsters. Ness could tell that the leader among them was a Dolomese boy, wielding Prince Pooh's own mighty sword of kings. They bravely faced down two demons, their malevolent spirits rising and intertwining like a yin and yang out of the cracked husk of what looked like some kind of gigantic black spider. One a misty red screeching face, a visage of pure fury and hate, and intertwined with it another green face, with a wicked grin full of yellow teeth, a different kind of malice from his red companion, delighting in the evil they both bring about. The boy in the tapestry pointed the way forward with his sword, and from above rained down dozens of glowing stars, weapons thrown down from the heavens itself, the Dolomese boy wielding the ultimate power against the ultimate evil. This is my favorite one. It was the first time the destroyer of worlds attacked, and the leader was a Dolomese boy like me. We have a saying attributed to him Leave luck to heaven. The first men among us lost their courage against the destroyer, and following their religions gave up the world for lost. If we're lucky, they said, the gods in paradise will grant us a better life. But this boy, he said leave luck to heaven, and found his courage, summoning the stars down from the sky to aid him. Now before we fight, we always say leave luck to heaven. Because what we have here and now, our friends and family, our homes, they're important. They're worth fighting for in the face of annihilation. Ness was spellbound by the images, especially the one the prince held so dear. But now the main thing on his mind ever since he took his hand started to weigh on him. As beautiful as it all was, just why was the Prince Pooh showing him all this? It was something the prince was keenly aware of as well. He turned to face Ness and took the sword from off his back, holding it in front of him with both hands. That is why I have chosen this place. It is here that I wish to make my apology. I am deeply ashamed of my previous conduct toward you. Oh, it it's all right. You know what it no, it's not. I belittled your devotion to your friends and family as weakness and cowardice. But the truth is that is where your greatest strength lies. It's why the soundstone has been showing them to you all along. It's how you beat me in our fight. No one has ever hit me with a blow that powerful before. Never He looked up again at the old tapestry. My birth parents were given a sum of money by the court and sent on their way. I was raised by courtiers and tutors. People fear and obey me, but nobody cares for me. I never tried to find anyone who did, really. I only ever had this. All my life I only ever wanted to be this boy, even more than I ever wanted to inherit the throne. I thought it was what I was meant to become. Ness could see, even if the prince underwent some kind of training to keep himself from outright weeping, it still could not keep his body from tearing up just a little. But I know now why the soundstone chose you and not myself. It looked within you and found so much love, so much in your life worth fighting for. But then it looked in my heart and found nothing. I have not mastered emptiness. I am just empty. He knelt down on both knees and held the sword in front of him, head bowed, as if offering it to Ness. Truly, you are the master of my destiny, and I am your servant. Ness technically heard Prince Pooh's words, and understood that those words meant he was offering him his eternal servitude, but he knew the prince wasn't really offering anything at all. He was rather asking Ness for something. Indeed, he was begging for it, and it was the exact same thing Ness wanted from Prince Pooh all along, ever since they boarded the ship to Scaraba. Ness stepped forward and closed Prince Pooh's open fingers around his sword. I don't want you to be my servant, Pooh. Prince Pooh looked up in surprise, and let Ness gently lift him to his feet. I want you to be my friend. Prince Pooh was overwhelmed by Ness's gesture. He just stood there, his tear ducks finally going to work after a nice thirteen year long vacation, and looked at Ness smiling at him. He tried to smile back, as if he was locked in a battle between himself and the sheer absurd prospect of allowing himself just a little joy in his life. Before he knew it, Ness bear hugged him, making him grunt and nearly bowling him over. It took the prince a good moment, feeling basic affection for quite literally the first time in his life, to acclimate himself to it all, before doing that thing people do when they don't expect a big bear hug at first, but then slowly pat the other ones. Hugger on the back before going all in. And so it was there, in the holiest sanctum of the golden palace of Delam, in the presence of sacred images of the ancient country's past and future, and beneath the first Dalamese hero against the first destroyer of worlds, that the August child of the ivory throne of Delam, Pu Yi Huang Taise of the Shuantong era, or Prince Pu for short, made his first true friend. They walked down the mountain from the quiet rustic villages close to the palace all the way to the busy urban capital below. I would have thought everyone would see you and go crazy. How are we able to just walk around like this? I don't really leave the palace much, and when I do, I uh I don't look much like I live there. Well that'll all change when the current emperor abdicates, though, I'm sure. It also appeared to be a Saturday in Delam, for eventually Ness and Prince Pooh encountered a park with a baseball diamond, and a gaggle of boys their age, playing a friendly little game of baseball. Ness was instantly charmed by the sight as he walked toward the other boys, and the prince followed close behind. Yeah, we really like baseball in Delam too. The players noticed the two strangers watching them and stopped, waving their hands, inviting them in their own language to join them. Hey, would you look at that? What do you say? Up for a game? Prince Pooh suddenly flinched and looked around with shifty eyes. Um Nest there's something else I uh I need to confess it's okay. I know you don't know how to play baseball. What? How do you know Pooh Come on Ness gave him a wink and a gentle chuckle. Prince Pooh grumbled, then built a bridge and got over it, giving his new friend a smile. Don't worry, I'll teach you. Teach me? Now here? Sure. It's easy to learn. Come on, slow poke. Ness elbowed Prince Pooh in the arm and ran off, all but forcing his friend to follow close behind. The Dolamese boys greeted Ness and Prince Pooh, neither as a suspicious foreigner nor a larger than life figure who demanded obese, but in much the same way any boy would greet other boys who challenged them to a game of baseball. Though Ness could not understand a word the prince spoke with them, he nonetheless felt at ease and welcome. Before a game proper, the boys were willing to drill Prince Pooh in the fundamentals of the game, throwing, catching, pitching, hitting, spitting, and taunting. He picked up catching the ball in the strange, flappy leather glove rather quickly. He could already run faster than all the boys on the field, even without skywalking, and his fast, powerful throws were something to behold. Predictably, it was his swing that needed the most work, and this was more than willing to be his coach, on this as well as in obnoxious psych out baseball chatter. Swing bada beta, swing bada bada bada beta, pitcher's got a rubber arm, pitcher's got a rubber arm. Prince Pooh swung two strikes and three foul balls. He glared at the pitcher, prepared the stance that Ness had shown him, knees bent, feet slightly apart, eyes on the ball. The pitch came, the prince swung. And it bounced on the ground and rolled through second and third. He made it to first and slid before the other team threw the ball to his base, and the baseman tapped him on the leg with his glove, and the acting umpire boy shouted something in Dolomese while vigorously pointing his thumb over his shoulder.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

Aw, come on up, it's ten AM. What are you sleeping for?

Garrett McMahon 24:45

Prince Pooh walked back to Ness, his head down in shame, grumbling in spite of himself. Hey, it's all right. Listen, I pop grounders and foul balls all the time. Half the time it's not even skill, it's just you gotta work with what you get. If the ball goes out, no matter what, you gotta get to the base. And if the other bases are filled up, then you know, the fielder's gotta pick which one to throw the ball to. Sometimes a single is all you need to get your friends home. Yes, you're right. It's no reason to get discouraged. That's it. We'll knock it out of the park next time. Presciently, that is exactly what Ness achieved on the next cycle around, getting himself out but bringing one of his teammates safe to home base. Once again, it was Prince Pooh's turn at bat. Tightly gripping the gutsy bat his friend had let him borrow, refining his stance, fixing his determined glare at the pitcher. The prince stealed himself for the pitch. All while the Dolamese boys chattered in Dolamese that went right over Ness's head, and undeterred, Ness, unintelligibly to them, gabbed out his own bluster and nonsense. Beep, beep, beep, beep, listen to the phone ring. Pitcher's got an arm that's a washing machine. Can you spare some change? Can you spare a quarter? 'Cause your pitcher's arm looks like it's out of order. Strike one. It's all right, Pooh. Remember, wind up a little bit, then up and at him. Hit the sucker as hard as you can. Break someone's window. Another pitch. Strike two.

SPEAKER_00 26:20

You got this, Pooh. You can do it. As hard as you can. Launch it out of the park. Right into the sky, around the other side of the world and back again. Right into outer space. Come on, bada bata, let's see that swing.

Garrett McMahon 26:34

As hard as you can, as hard as you The pitch came. Prince Pooh shouted and swung the bat with all his might. A deafening crack rang out from the bat as a swing connected, and the ball blew up into dust and leathery chunks before its viscera plopped onto the sandy ground. The boys all inspected the broken thing, astounded. Ness sighed and patted the prince on the shoulder. Okay, next time? Maybe a little less hard. Well, for sure, this was the first time they had ever encountered a ball outright exploding. Nonetheless, the Dolamese boys and Ness too were no strangers to a friendly backyard game ending too early for a fly ball disappearing, or even worse, smashing a window. And so there were ample spare balls to continue this game as well. Ness and Prince Pooh played along for a couple hours, technically losing, but just barely at six to seven, when the Dolamese boys were called back to their homes by their mothers for lunch. Ness and Prince Pooh waved goodbye and watched the boys leave. The Golden Palace on the mountain was far behind them. The capital city buzzed and whirled busily below, and the sun was just knocking on noon bright above. It was the perfect time for a fanfare of brass and violins to fill the Delam air.

SPEAKER_00 28:05

Photos taken instantaneously I am a photographic genius if I don't say so myself. Okay, get ready for an instant memory. Look at the camera. Ready? Say fuzzy pickles.

Garrett McMahon 28:29

The boys turned to the camera and smiled, but right before Ness could put up his usual peace sign, Prince Pooh snuck in an ugly face at Ness. The other boy gave the prince a mischievous smile, and an ugly face contest was on. Jaws protruded out, tongues wagged and nostrils flared out, and skin around the eyes was pulled down with their fingers in every single direction available on the compass. It looked like Ness was going to break first, when Prince Pooh puffed out his cheeks and gave himself a long mustache with his cue. But then Ness broke out his secret weapon, the ability to flip his eyelids inside out. The prince burst into laughter first, technically, but it was still a draw, as Ness let out his own laughter mere milliseconds after that. Their mirth was interrupted by a quiet clearing of their throat. They had completely forgotten about the photographer, who was now frowning at the boys and tapping a finger on his folded arms.

SPEAKER_00 29:26

Oh sorry.

Garrett McMahon 29:29

Uh Fuzzy Pickles. The photographer instantly snapped back to his usual chipper self as he snapped his latest shot.

SPEAKER_00 29:39

Wow! What a great photograph! It will always bring back the fondest of memories.

Thank you for listening!

Garrett McMahon 29:49

The photographer took off, leaving Ness and Prince Pooh to just stand in each other's company for a while. We should uh we should head back. Ness nodded and took Prince Pooh's hand again. A second later, they were gone. You've been listening to the podcast against Gaigo. The podcast against Gygas is an audiobook written and performed by me, Garrett McMahon, based on Earthbound, the Super Nintendo game directed by Shige Sato Itoi, with production by William Pulowski, and thumbnail design and art direction by David Peters. This podcast stinks. It is also a fan-made project affiliated in no way whatsoever with the Nintendo Corporation or Mr. Itoi. This podcast is free to listen to, ad free, and always will be. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode, and I'll see you back next Monday. Till next time.