Magicant, and What Ninten Saw There

Ninten pulled through in the bridge and emerged victorious from the… ugh, sing off. With Teddy now an official member of their motley crew, the complete Chosen Four  finally make way to the strange land ruled by the strange woman’s voice in their heads.

A magical dreamland full of candy and ice cream, where cats swim on the ground and fish swim in caves, where kittens and puppies live in the village and frogs guard the castle. It can’t be real, can it? It has to all be just a weird hallucination or something. But then, why does Queen Mary, who is so muddle-headed she could forget what’s right in front of her, nonetheless seem to know so much about Ninten’s strange quest, and his strange powers, and even the frightening foe they are destined to face?

Will Ninten guess the answer to a riddle that doesn’t even have a question? Will he be able to forget the forgotten man? And will he have the guts, literally, to face his biggest challenge yet: unlimited dessert served by a host with chronic short-term memory loss?

Find out on this week’s episode of… The Podcast Against Giygas! No crying until the ending. 

Transcript

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You’re listening to… The Podcast Against Giygas!

Episode six: Magicant, and What Ninten Saw There

*

Well, there was no arguing with the kindly lady in their minds. Teddy made sure to appoint an appropriate second for the BB gang while he was gone, and just like that they were off. While Ninten made it all too clear how he felt about their new companion, and Lloyd was more on guard around the hulking young man than anything else, Ana took an instant liking to him, putting all their recent troubles at his hands right under the bridge.

—You said your name is… Teddy, right? That’s short for Theodore, it comes from the Koine Greek, which means “a gift from God.”

Teddy blushed and cracked a little dumb smile.

—Aw shucks, well, I can see why my mom and pop named me that. I am pretty awesome. 

—Well, we’re glad to have you with us. This journey is going to be tough, we’ll need all the help we can get. Can you fight?

—Can I fight? I’m only the highest-ranked fighter in the country in the exquisite arts of karate, shotokan, and empty-handed fighting. And, I got a floppy knife!

Ninten was baffled by this, imaging some kind of knife you stick into a computer. But it was Lloyd, who had kept silent all the while, who spoke up this time.

—…what’s a floppy knife?

Teddy broke off from the group, hopped around in pseudo-martial arts forms, and then, in a flash, the next thing anyone knew he was brandishing a small razor-sharp pocket knife. Flicking his wrist around, the handles flapped to and fro before retracting the blade inside, which he then stuck back in his pocket.

—Oh! It’s a butterfly knife.

—Correction, little man. It’s a floppy knife.

—…um, no, it’s a butterfly knife. It’s a Filipino weapon, it’s…

—A butterfly is a tiny, fragile thing, it serves no purpose but to be beautiful for a short time and then shatter like glass. It is an inappropriate name for a weapon of such instant death-dealing, and I refuse to acknowledge it. 

Now Ninten was getting aggravated by this conversation.

—And you think “floppy knife” sounds any more intimidating?

Teddy stopped in his tracks and gave this some thought.

—Hm. You may be right. I will consider a proper replacement name in due time.

—There’s nothing to consider, you dope, it’s called a… you know what, I don’t even care.

—Well, best we get a move-on. You heard Queen Mary just now, we have to find this God’s Tail, to get to her Queendom in Magicant. It’s a magical place where everyone's your friend, where it's always time for dessert, where the waterfalls are butterscotch and the mountains are chocolate vanilla twist ice cream! 

—Magicant, huh? I’ve been there.

Ana gasped in delight, while Ninten rolled his eyes.

—Really, you have?!

—Oh yeah, lots of times. It’s just like you said, uh… the waterfalls are butterscotch and the mountains are ah, ice cream…

—Oh, come on! He hasn’t been there and you know it, he’s just putting you on.

—It’s true. I can take you there right now, to the, to the ah… what you…

—…the God’s Tail? Just like Queen Mary said? 

—Yeah, that’s it. The God’s Tail. C’mon, let’s shake a leg.

 As much as Ninten grumbled and groaned all the while, Teddy led the others deep into Merrysville, where they encountered a park with some steep hills and valleys. Inside one of those hills was the entrance to what looked like a pretty wide and expansive cave. And, to their dismay, in front of that entrance was a group of police officers on guard, amid plenty of barricades that declared in no uncertain terms DO NOT ENTER. Lloyd pouted and folded his arms.

—Aw, shoot. Are we even allowed in?

Teddy cracked a grin and put two fingers up to his mouth, blowing a loud whistle. The next thing they knew, the cops on guard were beset by just as many of Teddy’s BB gang, throwing firecrackers, shooting off what looked like little laser-beam guns, and generally being a nuisance. They bothered the cops so much that they abandoned their post and ran off chasing them. Soon enough, the coast was clear. Teddy smiled to the others and thumbed toward the place.

—We are now.

The children made their way inside, through a cavern indeed as wide as a school hallway, Teddy lighting the way with his trusty zippo lighter. They reached the end of the cave, where they encountered a curious rock formation, pink, crystalline, and spiraling, almost like a big rock-like dollop of bubblegum-flavored soft-serve. Teddy presented the sight to the others, putting up his hands in a silent ta-da. As the others took in the strange sight, Teddy frowned and grumbled, snapping his fingers.

—Dang it.

—What is it?

—There’s a password. You have to say something and then it opens up. But I ah… I forgot it. It’s been a while since I’ve been in there, I ah… I don’t remember it at all.

Ninten groaned, which was already something he was doing a lot since Teddy showed up, and started to turn back to the entrance before Ana stopped him.

—Where are you going?

—This is a waste of time! This isn’t the God’s Tail, whatever that’s supposed to be, and there’s no such thing as Magicant.

—You sound awfully sure there isn’t…

—He’s making it up! Don’t you see? He’s agreeing with everything you say because you were nice to him! Anyway, I’ll be waiting for you all outside the cave when you’re ready to grow up.

—Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t you look in your journal? That’s helped us out before, hasn’t it? Back in Spookane and whatnot. Maybe there’s something in there.

As much as he didn’t want to be in this situation one bit, with that big dumb galoot who only an hour ago wanted to beat him to a pulp, and as much as he truly didn’t believe a single word out of said galoot’s mouth, Lloyd nonetheless raised a good enough point that he could not in good conscience wave away. He sighed and opened the book. If there really was nothing in there, he could always show the others, and then all this ridiculousness would be over in an…

No. You gotta be kidding me. 

There it was, the big ice cream rock formation, and there in big scribbled letters read “The God’s Tail.” And right next to it, the password. As soon as Ninten spotted the thing in George’s diary, a loud voice boomed through their minds, deep, male, not at all Queen Mary, or whoever she was, anyway.

WHO IS MISSING THEIR TAIL?!

Ninten sighed, threw up his hands, and read the words on the page aloud.

—“That… that which was left behind on the ship that sails the cosmos.”

He cringed as he spoke the phrase. It made no sense, not even syntactically. He felt like it was a magical incantation that made the speaker and anyone who heard it that much stupider for listening. But then, amazingly, a light shone through cracks on the rock formation, and the thing itself creaked and spread open, revealing a dazzling gateway to a place of bright white light.

As they proceeded to enter the grand luminous gateway, Teddy stopped and snapped his fingers, pointing at Ninten.

—That’s it! That’s what it was, what you said. The one that, left it behind the ship to sail… yeah, I remember now. 

*

Upon entering that magnificent doorway they encountered another cave, but like that strange rock structure it was unlike any they had ever seen: pink and purple rock candy stalactites hanging from above, glistening and lighting the way forward. If it wasn’t already clear that the place they stepped into was no longer on this earth, they soon encountered strange pairs of googly eyes throughout the walls of the cave, blinking, watching, their little pupils following them as they went deeper in. One such set of eyes, this one in fancy horn-rimmed spectacles and black bushy mustache, stared at the four for a long while before they heard somewhere a voice whimper a faint hello and vanish. 

Lloyd got a chuckle out of the strange happening, and walked further ahead of the others down the single way forward, looking behind himself to face the others as he walked.

—I don’t suppose we’re going to encounter anything too dangerous down here, huh…

Turning forward, he screamed. There right ahead of him was a huge fish, three times as big as he was. Bright yellow with a blood-red belly, scales that glistened in the crystalline cave, and razor-sharp serrated teeth protruding from its wide-open maw. Floating in the air as if swimming, it flapped its fins toward Lloyd and snapped its jaws up and down, chomp chomp chomp.

He fell backwards and scrambled away, too terrified to say out loud what was racing through his mind. Pygocentrus nattereri… the red-bellied piranha. While it was indeed a myth that it could pick a cow clean to its skeleton in minutes flat, it was true enough that piranhas were meat eaters, and the way it was eyeing the small boy scampering away on his back, Lloyd was as good a morsel of meat as any, and it gave him little consolation that at least it would take longer than three minutes to be eaten clean off his bones. 

And then, Lloyd opened his eyes. Teddy was standing right in front of him. He stomped his foot on the tail fin of the great fish, clamping it fast to the cavern floor. Then, like a professional boxer, he gave the massive beast a sock in the mouth, then another, again and again and again, bouncing it off the floor like a beanbag. After a minute or so of punishment, Teddy lifted his foot off the fin, clenching his fists at the fish and wordlessly asking if he was up for more. The fish got the message and swam away. The danger gone, Teddy grinned and gave Lloyd a thumbs up.

—No sweat.

—Erm… I think I’ll stay behind you for the rest of the way. 

This was the most excitement the four kids encountered in the cavern before reaching the end, which, once reached, they found a simple doorway that led to a stairway up. And before that doorway was a man, sitting on the floor, blocking the way. It was the saddest man any of them had ever seen before, sighing, leaning his head on his palms, looking to the floor, perpetually on the verge of tears.  

—I am a forgotten man. I'm not really here.  

Ana decided to act first, tiptoeing toward the man and gently clearing her throat.

—Excuse me, sir. We need to get through that door. And, well-

—You didn't have to notice me. Please just ignore me. I am a man who does not exist. 

—Oh, that sounds horrible… is there any way we can cheer you up?

—You talk so kindly, I don't know what to do. If I miss people, I cannot live alone anymore. My conversation is always a monologue. I've been alone from the moment I was born... 

The four children shrugged to each other, there seemed to be nothing they could say to him to raise his spirits, let alone move him away from the door. 

—Lucky, unlucky... It makes no difference to me. Sometimes, even breathing becomes too much.

Fully fed up with the conversation, Ninten grumbled and stepped forward.

—Look, sir, I don’t know why you want to be ah, forgotten, but I think it will be very easy for us to forget you if you ah, get out of the way. Once we get going I’m sure we’ll never think about you again.  

—Why do you insist on talking to me? Are you a forgotten man, too?

Ninten looked to the others for help on how to respond, but only got more perplexed shrugs. 

—Erm… yeah, sure, I’m a forgotten man. 

The sad man for the first time ever raised his eyes from the floor and looked deeply into Ninten’s eyes. 

—…Yes. You really are, aren’t you? Then you should already know how. Just ignore me, just like everyone else does. Maybe if you ignore me enough, I’ll finally disappear…

He then let out another sad sigh and looked to the floor. What choice did the four of them have but to do what he asked? But as anyone who has ever tried to not think about a pink elephant before will tell you, ignoring something completely is harder than it seems. They tried to not think about the sad man for a few minutes, only to find him still there. Their attempts grew longer and longer, but every time Ana, or Lloyd, or whoever took a peek, there he was still. Hours went by, then days, they didn’t eat or sleep, they just tried their best not to think about the poor long-suffering man before them, until, after what seemed like a whole month of waiting, they looked at the door before them to find it empty. Lloyd looked at his watch, and it had only been a few minutes since they first approached the door. It transpired that they ignored the man so well that he disappeared entirely, which meant he was never there at all, which meant they never spent a month straight ignoring him. A spooky feeling came over them all, but seeing as how nothing happened for them to feel spooky over anyway, they shrugged the feeling off and ascended the staircase through the door. 

Up the stairs, through one last door, and when they passed that one the sun finally hit their eyes. They were greeted by a wide, expansive candy land of pink cotton candy slopes and red licorice grasslands, villages of gingerbread houses and tufts of soft ice cream with sprinkles for roofs. And in this magical land of treats as far as the eye could see, it was all peopled by animals, critters of all kinds that talked and walked upright on two legs like real human beings. Right in front of them, a tabby cat as big as they were was actually swimming on the ground. A gaggle of teddy bears and Dalmatian puppies played in a nearby fountain spraying lemon-lime soda pop. And before they knew it, they were approached by a group of frogs, dressed as old-timey gendarmes who guarded a castle in a land somewhere far away from Eagleland. One of them unfurled a long scroll and cleared his throat.  

—Ninten Elliott, Pollyana Cherrycoke, and Teddy Rodriguez. As the Chosen Three and esteem-ed guests of the candy kingdom of Magicant, you are cordially invited to an audience with the   peerless her Majesty, Queen Mary the First. Dessert will be served within the hour. 

He rolled up the scroll, and noticing that Lloyd suddenly looked a little sad at something, and grumbling to himself as if forgetting an item or two on the proclamation, hastily unfurled the scroll once again.

—…and Lloyd, you are welcome to come along, but just in case you made other plans don’t feel like you have to. 

The frog royal guards escorted the four of them deeper into Magicant, where there indeed stood a massive castle in the distance, brilliant and crystalline like the cave underneath it, made of translucent rock-candy brick. The sight impressed at least three of them.

As they approached the gates of this magnificent castle, Ninten spotted a strange sight by its walls. There lay a giant black dragon, sound asleep. It was restrained to the ground by a chain wrapped around its neck, of which the other end was fastened to a small wooden post. Only one other thing worried him more than the fact that that chain was obviously, hopelessly wide enough to slip out of at any time: the sign posted next to the great beast, written in sloppily-painted letters, read NINTEN’S DRAGON. He tapped the shoulder of one of the frog gendarmes.

—What’s that all about?

The guard gave him a look that silently asked, didn’t you see the sign? Assuming the answer to that question for him, he pointed to the sign as he spoke up, reading it aloud in the same tone a first grade teacher would use in trying to teach a child how to read.

—This is Ninten’s dragon.

—…but, I don’t understand. 

—I don’t understand what there isn’t to understand.

—I’m Ninten.

The frog gave him an exasperated sigh.

—Well then, I guess it’s your dragon, isn’t it?

The great doors to the castle slowly creaked open, and at that point a part of Ninten was just as glad to drop the matter as the gruff gendarme was. But before they could go any further, they were stopped by a shrill whistle. Jeez, now what, Ninten muttered under his breath. A group of other frog guards approached, they escorting a denizen of the magical land. Upon a closer look, though it was now wearing a black three-piece suit and a bowler hat, it was unmistakably the ferocious man-eating fish they encountered in the cave! Walking upright on its tail fin as if it were a set of two legs, it made an immediate beeline to Teddy and pointed its forefin.

—There he is! This is the guy who pummeled me! Knocked me around like a dang piñata, he did!

One of the other frogs addressed Teddy, who did his best to not look guilty, and whose best, of course, was not even close to good enough.

—Is this true, young man?

Teddy stammered a little bit, looking to his companions for guidance but getting none. Then, a sudden serenity came over Teddy, he frowned and bowed his head to the irate fish.

—I cannot tell a lie. Yes, it was I who pummeled the fish.

The piranha came closer to Teddy, stared him down, and then… cracked a big smile that showed every one of his serrated teeth, grabbed Teddy by the hands and shook them for all they were worth.

—Golly mister, you really saved my skin! You see, I like to swim underground every now and then, but someone threw a line down there with some live bait and like a fool I fell for it, hook line and you know the rest. I’ve had this hook stuck in my mouth for days now, and I was trying to ask your little friend here for help. But then you came in and just clobbered the thing right outta me! Now that it’s finally gone, I feel like a million bucks! Gee whiz, I… I just don’t know how I could ever repay you…

Teddy, calming down, smiled and gave the fish a pat on the back.

—Oh, not to worry, mister Fishman. Random acts of kindness are their own reward.

—Nonetheless, you deserve something nice in return. I’ll put in a good word for you with the Queen, I insist. 

Ninten loudly cleared his throat, interrupting the pleasant chatter between Teddy and the now quite friendly deadly man eating fish,

—Speaking of the Queen, we really do gotta, um, go and see her now, don’t we?

The fish made himself scarce and Ninten and the others went through the front gates, into the courtyard, and proceeded to the main castle doors. And it was about time, too, Ninten thought. For how supposedly important this meeting with Queen Mary was, they went through a whole lot of nonsense to get here, rude frogs, strangely friendly piranhas, that dragon that supposedly belonged to him, and… some other spot of bother he couldn’t really put his finger on. But right ahead of him was the grand entrance to the court of Queen Mary herself. Finally, hopefully, this would all make sense soon. 

Or, it would have, if yet another set of frog guards had not blocked the way with their halberds.

—You need a password to get in. Answer our riddle, please.

—What?! Are you kidding me? 

—No, that’s not it. You need a password to get in, answer our riddle, please.

—Queen Mary wants to speak to us. WHY on earth do we need a password for you?!

—No, that’s not it either. You need a password to get in. Answer our riddle, please.

Ninten became so angry, so apoplectic at this latest bout of nonsense, that he seemed to lose control of his speech, turning to the guards and blurting out…

—TWO… ALLIGATORS!

—…what was that?

—I said… two alligators!

—…erm, that is correct. Welcome to the court of Queen Mary.

The guards, stunned by Ninten’s outburst, nodded to the four kids and allowed them inside. When they left, one guard whispered to the other.

—So, what was the riddle?

—I didn’t come up with one yet, I just really wanted one where the answer would be two alligators…

*

While it was a long time getting there, the splendor of Queen Mary’s court almost made it all worth it. A dazzling grand hall of silver and emerald, everything shimmered and sparkled in the warm pink and orange light of Magicant pouring through the candy stained-glass windows, and their reflections shown jade green on the floors and walls as good as gazing through a mirror. All of the court was in session today, full of fancy courtiers who were also kittens and puppies and hamsters and parrots and iguanas. And of course, who could mistake the grande dame herself, the proud monarch of this magical place, Queen Mary. A radiant young woman, with piercing sapphire eyes and a bubblegum-pink gown and tiara, seated upon a golden-butterscotch hard candy throne with a long bright red carpet leading the way. 

The young woman beamed at the sight of her four guests and rose from her throne. They stood at attention as she slowly approached, Ninten being sure to remove his hat in her presence. 

—Welcome, children, to Magicant, where everyone is your friend, and you can have as much as you like of whatever you want. I am Queen Mary.

She spoke as if there was any mistaking the most Queenlike person in the room for anyone, let alone any mistaking her proud and forceful voice for the pleasant chattering they heard in their minds all along the way. 

—And of course, here at last are the Chosen Three. Ninten Elliott, Pollyanna Cherrycoke, Theodore Rodriguez. And… Lloyd, you made it too! 

—Er… yes, Your Majesty. Pleasure to meet you…

There was something about the Queen that Ninten could not place. He thought he had seen her somewhere, but shrugged this thought away as soon as it came. Of course he never saw the Queen of Magicant before, how could he have possibly? No, as nice as it was, as relaxed as it finally made him feel after all the ridiculousness it took to get there, as much as he felt in a way he had not felt in a long time, well before his mother passed on, a part of him clung to the foundational thought that the entire place was a dream, a strange alien hallucination of some kind, brought on by all the other wacky stuff they had encountered. 

—I’m so glad you all arrived when you did. We were just going to serve dessert. You all must be starving after traveling such a long way here. Please, children, won’t you join us? 

A banquet table was revealed before them. Among several other guests, there were four places at the table set with big platters covered by big silver lids. These lids were removed with a flourish to reveal the most delicious hot-fudge banana split sundaes any of the Chosen Four had ever seen. They wasted no time and got to chowing down. As cranky as he was, not even Ninten could pass up a free sundae.

Minutes later, they had all finished their desserts and were stretching and patting their stomachs in satisfaction. Ana was the first to speak up, with Ninten predictably being the one to get down to business.

—Mm. Thank you for the sundaes, Queen Mary, it was very kind of you. 

—So, um… now that we’re here, could you explain to us what is going on?

—Ah, yes, of course. Well, as you know, something’s not right with your world. Strange things have been occurring, and I fear that-

She had risen from her throne and paced around the room as she spoke, her back to them. When she turned around, she regarded the children with surprise.

—Oh, there you are! Ninten Elliott, Pollyana Cherrycoke, and Theodore Rodriguez. And Lloyd, you made it too! Please, have some dessert.

The four of them gave each other puzzled looks as the tables were cleared and another big hot fudge banana split sundae was served. Neither of them wanting to be impolite to such a kind host, they silently went to work on their second dessert, and with some effort they got it down. 

—Mm. That was… thanks again, Queen Mary. 

—Of course, children. Now, what can I do for you?

Ninten rolled his eyes and grumbled just quiet enough so the Queen couldn’t hear him.

—We came here because you called us. You told us in our heads to visit your court.

—Oh, yes! Now I remember! Forgive me, children, I’ve been a little absentminded and forgetful lately, I’m not sure why… Oh dear! Speaking of forgetful, I completely forgot to serve you dessert! Please, have a seat, I’ll have some sundaes prepared at once! 

Again, without wanting to offend the good graces of the Queen, the four children allowed themselves to be served a heaping hot fudge banana split ice cream sundae yet again. Lloyd was clutching his stomach and faintly whimpering in pain, and even Ana and Ninten were starting to feel the desserts push up against their belts a little. 

—Glad you enjoyed a little dessert, you must be starving after traveling so long to get here. Well, it’s like this, children. Strange things are occurring in your world. Beings from another planet are making incursions, and are poised for a full-scale invasion unless we stop them now… Who’s to say who they are or what they want, though. I feel like I used to know, but I just don’t… 

She sat back down on her throne and thought to herself for a good ten seconds.

—He had a name. I want to say… Jeeves… no. Gee… Giegue? I’m pretty sure it’s “Giegue”…

Ninten thought back to the very beginning of his troubles, that weird attack in his bedroom. Those things in his house, the robot, the Starman in the mayor of Youngtown’s office, all of them had one thing in common. They all served one master, one they all professed with pride… 

—…Giygas!

—…come again, young man?

—I fought some weird things on the way here. I saw a big alien man back in Youngtown. They all called him Giygas. 

—Hm… Strange, I could have sworn it was “Giegue.” Well, at any rate I’m sure there’s a way to stop him. I wish I could say how, of course… oh well, there’s always hope.

—Well said, your Majesty! I agree, there’s always hope.

Queen Mary turned to face Ana, as if noticing her for the first time. 

—Oh, hello young lady. And what is your name?

—…erm, my name is Pollyana. Or Ana, for short.

—Wonderful! You know, I’m expecting a young lady named Ana to arrive at my court soon. While we’re all waiting for her, let’s have dessert! 

There was nothing doing this time, the four of them had no choice but to devour one more hot-fudge banana split sundae. Less than halfway through his, Lloyd was eyeing the thing in dread, tapping his spoon on the heaping dessert, hoping it would melt before the meeting was done and maybe then he could drink it all up. Teddy, who had eaten all his sundaes with gusto and finished before all the others each time, finished his and noted Lloyd’s look of dismay.

—You gonna eat that, buddy?

Lloyd looked to Teddy in an overstuffed daze, leaving Teddy’s question unanswered long enough for the latter to assume he was indeed not. With both hands, Teddy grabbed Lloyd’s sundae and slid it across the table to his place. Meanwhile, Queen Mary paced around her throne room once again, deep in thought.

—Now, then, where was I? Oh yes, I was speaking of the melody. 

—…you were?

—Why yes. A very special song indeed, one which I will never forget. The only trouble is, I forgot it… oh! Hello, young man! What’s your name?

—Ninten, your Majesty. 

—Ah, hello Ninten! Would you like a-

—NO! I mean ah… no thank you, your Majesty, we had a very big dessert on the way here. You were saying, about a melody?

—Oh, yes. The melody. What was it… I remember a canary, a cute little monkey, and a lovely porcelain doll…

Ana gasped, recognizing those things immediately. 

—Oh! It’s the song Mrs. Laura sang to us, and Boris!

—A doll sang to Lloyd and I at my house… after it tried to kill me. 

The Queen made a beeline to Ninten, placed a single fingertip on his forehead. Instantly, cartoonish shapes emerged from Ninten’s head as if his noggin was a movie projector. A model of a porcelain doll, a canary, and a capuchin monkey all appeared before them and sang the pieces of the melody they had heard so far.

🎶 🎶 🎶

As quickly as they appeared out of Ninten’s head, the goofy cartoon singers vanished. 

—Yes, that’s it! That’s the very one! Why, I’m sure that’s the very reason I can remember anything at all. You should have seen me a week ago. I couldn’t even remember my name.

A frog gendarme cleared his throat at this and spoke up.

—Your Majesty, do you still remember your name?

—Of course I do. I’m Queen Maria!

—Queen Mary.

—Right right right, of course, well, you know what I mean. Anyway, it was the very moment you heard that doll sing that I started to get even some of my wits back, and slowly but surely the pieces came together… Ninten, Ana, Teddy, Lloyd… and Giegue.

—…Giygas.

—But this melody, it’s not complete, is it? And… oh drat, I don’t quite remember how the rest goes.

—…big surprise. 

—But don’t fret! I’m sure you’ll encounter the rest of it on your travels. There’s got to be… well, I think there’s a piano, a cactus… and two X’s! And once you find these five other things, that makes eight bars! You’ll have the full melody, and everything will be right as rain! Now then, I have a gift for you. 

A guard presented her with some kind of blue, wooden, shiny-lacquered thing. Upon closer inspection, it looked like a strange flute.

—This, children, is the royal ocarina of Magicant. With this, you can always play the melody, that of which you already have in your hearts, of course. But I can only give it to one among you who already knows how to play an ocarina.

Ana, Lloyd, and Teddy all looked to each other and shrugged, and then looked to Ninten, who was looking off to the side, embarrassed, rolling his eyes. With a loud grumble, Ninten reached out his hand, as if to say get it over with, already, and accepted the ocarina. Assuming it was expected of him, he placed the small flute to his lips and beautifully, gracefully played the first three bars of the melody they had heard thus far, and then stopped. 

—They were uh, selling them in music class, in fifth grade. I just…

—Wonderful! You’re already on your way, children! Now then, find the rest of that melody! The fate of the entire universe depends on it!

Ana rose to her feet and, in spite of a belly full of ice cream, skipped to the main doors out of the throne room, and the other boys, most likely due to bellies full of ice cream as well, struggled to keep up with her. 

—Well, you heard her! Let’s get a move-on, everyone! We don’t have a moment to lose!

Ninten had so many questions for Queen Mary. Who exactly was this “Giygas,” what did he want, how was a song supposed to stop anyone, how on earth were they seriously to go about looking for, if the others were any indication, random happenstance things that unexpectedly liked to sing only one bar of a song at a time, and what about George’s diary, could she take a look at a few pages and maybe try to explain some things, like how his psionic power works, how Ana’s works, is there anything he could do to become stronger, the list went on. But like the others, he was ushered out of the throne room by frog gendarmes, whisked away to the outside of the grand castle, and like that, the wonderful dream world of Magicant was gone. 

The Chosen Four blinked, and they were once again standing before the strange rock in the cave at Merrysville. Lloyd clutched his stomach and staggered away from the rock formation.

—Oh no. Guys, I think I’m gonna…

—No! No Lloyd, don’t!!!

But it was too late. Lloyd expunged a good two or three of his five sundaes right onto the cavern grounds. If the God’s Tail merely looked like a dollop of soft-serve ice cream, then Lloyd was serving up a big dollop of ice cream of his own to join it. Ninten, more revolted by the sight than sick from the eating, joined him in spewing up their desserts. All the while, Teddy chuckled at the sight as he gently poked Ana with his elbow.

—Amateurs. Can’t even hold their own fro-yo.

Was the dream realm of Magicant real? To Ninten and Lloyd’s stomachs, it was real enough. 

*

You’ve been listening to The Podcast Against Giygas. The Podcast Against Giygas is an audiobook written and performed by me, Garrett McMahon, based on Mother, the 1989 video game for the Nintendo Entertainment System directed by Shigesato Itoi. With production by William Pawlowski, thumbnail design and art direction by David Peters, and musical selections from the recent Earthbound Beginnings remake hack, with arrangements by livvy94, Snyderman, Bluestone, Pinci, and Mary Strawberry.

This podcast is a guaranteed masterpiece! It is also a fan-made project affiliated in no way whatsoever with the Nintendo Corporation or Mr. Itoi. This podcast is free to listen to, ad-free, and always will be. I hope you enjoyed today’s episode, and if you did, a rating and review on your podcast service of choice is always appreciated. Well, I’ll see you back next Monday, but until then, no crying till the ending!