No Crying Until the Ending

While looking through George Moley's diary, Ninten catches a glimpse of their sworn enemy's ultimate plan: a horrific mind-control machine called the Slave Engine, which seems to involve that famous scream-queen of the silver screen herself, Janet Rosemary. Maybe she has psionic power somehow, like Ninten and Ana do? Heck, the journal even has her full address way out in Ellay Town. Their next destination is abundantly clear...

That's right, it's the hot, dusty, dry Yucca Desert, to find a cactus, somewhere, that will hopefully sing the next bar of Queen Mary's mysterious melody, hopefully sometime before they run out of water. Whose brilliant plan was this? I'll give you a hint, her name starts with a "P" and ends with an "ollyana is the most aggravating weirdo and freak I ever met in my whole entire life." Stuck in the desert until further notice, Ninten will have a lot of time to get to know his companions, and they will each have a lot of time to get on every last one of his nerves.

Will they get in trouble for Teddy defacing private property? Will Lloyd ever get a decent war cry down? Will Ninten ever stop being such a great big "proof of burden" all the time? Find out on this week's episode of... The Podcast Against Giygas! No crying until the ending.  

Transcript

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You’re listening to… The Podcast Against Giygas!

Episode eight: No Crying Until the Ending

*

While the recent destruction of the old abandoned Duncan factory was the biggest news to hit Merrysville in a long while, it would seem the day was not without its fill of bizarre happenings. For not long before the building suddenly, mysteriously exploded and crumbled to its foundations, the big avalanche pile blocking the tracks on the Paradise Line out of town was just as suddenly, mysteriously cleared of all obstructive debris. As before, reports conflicted as to its cause, the least likely being the testimony of that same crackpot farmer Wally, who would swear on the Bible that a missile shot out of the sky from the old abandoned Duncan factory, and with deadly pinpoint precision nosedived right into the pile of rocks. The upshot was, that train rides could once again proceed on the Paradise Line out of Merrysville the following morning, and that the Paradise Line would not honor the tickets already purchased by Ninten. 

Having sorted all that for the next day, Teddy dragged everyone to a burger joint, where they chowed down on double Royales with cheese, loaded French fries, and bottomless refills at the soda fountain. Once they had sufficiently stuffed themselves with the finest fast food Merrysville could muster, Ninten pored through George Moley’s journal as Ana looked over his shoulder while sipping on the remainder of her cherry cola.

—Well, where do we go now? Hm… what did Queen Mary say, there was a cactus somewhere in that melody, right? The Yucca Desert is south of here, maybe there’s one there that will sing it for us!

Ninten pretended to be engrossed in his diary so as not to dignify that with a response. And there indeed, well after the fact, was a nice full-page spread of the Duncan factory, complete with a hastily-drawn rendering of the massive Duncan bots. He felt like a doomed fortune teller in some absurd fairy tale, cursed with perfect foreknowledge of future events but with no context or comprehension, and who had no choice but to play out the events of a tragedy until those very same glimpses of the future inevitably came to pass. But there was one singular solitary thing in all the mad ravings of his ancestor that Ninten did recognize. He first saw it on the train ride to Youngtown, and had kept it to himself until now.

—Guys, check this out.

A machine of some kind, with a strange humanoid shape inside of it, made of frantic pen scribbles and wires hooked up to its head and arms. Around it was an array of pods, each one holding a frowning stick-figure human being with wires attached to their heads as well. One among the unfortunate pod-people stuck out among all the others, rendered not in stick-figure but as close to real life as his ancestor’s artistic limitations could afford. Even so, Ninten recognized her immediately. It was the same woman as the actress that appeared on the movie poster still hanging on his bedroom wall. And if there was any doubt, George Moley had helpfully, if a little haphazardly, scribbled beside her something ominous.

SLAVE ENGINE?!!!

—Is that… 

—Janet Rosemary, yes. She was in an old sci-fi movie I’ve seen before, a TKO production called Dr. Mentallo and the Slave Engine. In the movie, the mad scientist character kidnaps a bunch of psychics and hooks them up to this machine. It’s a… a mind-control device.

Ninten pushed the book aside and took in a deep breath. 

—I think this… Giygas, thing, whatever he is… he’s trying to make a real version of the Slave Engine. Look, Duncan Inc. is the biggest tech company in the world, with their resources the aliens can build anything they want. And look, here it all is.

Ninten flipped to the page where he spotted the Duncan bots, then back to Janet Rosemary.

—And she’s hooked up to this machine, too. Maybe she has powers like we do. There might be hundreds of other people like us, somewhere out there, and if those alien freaks ever build this thing, they’d all be in danger. So… I think our next move should be Ellay Town. We have to find Janet Rosemary and warn her. 

—…but what about the cactus?

Ninten sighed and turned to Ana.

—What about the cactus?

—We still have to find the other bars of the melody! 

—Okay. Where exactly in the Yucca Desert do you propose we go? For how long? What kind of cactus, saguaro, prickly pear, cholla, fishhook, bishop’s hat, something else? Supposing we find one, how do you propose we get it to sing? Did you think about any of those questions at all?

—Well, no, not yet… but there’s no reason not to trust Queen Mary.

—I can think of one. She’s a hallucination. 

—No she’s not! We all saw her!

—We all hallucinated her. But this? This is something real, and something horrible… look! The address to Rosemary Manor! It wouldn’t be in here if it wasn’t important!

Ninten pointed to the page, which indeed bore, next to a crude drawing of a piano, an address in Ellay Town. He looked to the others, hoping this was enough to sway the journey in this direction. But upon looking at Teddy, he found him not paying attention to the conversation or the pages of the diary at all. The young man had his knife out, carving letters into the soft plywood table. He was just finishing up the last letter E on a message that bore the glad tidings that TEDDY ANA NINTEN AND LOID WUZ HERE, unquote.

—Teddy… What are you doing?  

—I wanna add like… “The protectors of the galaxy.” Yeah, s omething cool like that, or…

—Are you crazy?! You can’t do that! 

—…yeah, you’re right. I’m running out of room on the table.

—No, I mean… Agh! It’s private property! We’re gonna get in trouble!

Lloyd looked over Teddy’s shoulder and frowned at the etched note on the table.

—Hey! You spelled my name wrong!

—No I didn’t. 

—Yes you did!

—I spelled it the way it’s traditionally spelled. See? L, O, I, D.

Teddy pointed to each letter with the tip of his knife. Lloyd looked aghast at Teddy, while Ninten sighed, closing the diary for good.

—Guys, could we please just…

—L, O, I, D?! What planet are you from where that’s how you spell Lloyd!

—Psh. Ooooh, okay, I didn’t know we had like a, a super-genius spelling bee champion over here…

—I know how to spell my own name! 

—Okay then, brainiac, how do you spell it?

—L, L, O, Y, D! Duh!

—Psh! What?! What the heck is… what planet are you from?

—What are you blabbering about now?

—Look at all those extra L’s you added. There had to be a hundred million L’s back there. Way too many L’s.

—There are two L’s in the name Lloyd!

—What do you even need an extra L for anyway, you just say the L once and we get it, instead of just repeating over and over again, the… Nice to meet you, LaLoyd. That’s what you sound like right now. LaLoyd. LALOYD!

—Well, two can play that game, Teddady! Mister Teddady with two D’s!

—Guys! Who cares how your name is spelled?

—Easy for you to say, he spelled Ninten right! You’re lucky, you have an easy-to-spell name-

—GUYS!

Ninten slammed his fist on the table, shutting them both up.

—First of all, Lloyd, I don’t think you want to get into which of us has the more unfortunate first name. And second… in case you weren’t listening before, we are trying to decide how to stop aliens from taking over the world. Now I think we should take a direct, speedy, air-conditioned train ride to Ellay Town to meet someone who might have powers like we do, and try to stop something called “The Slave Engine,” which cannot possibly be anything good! And Ana wants us to wander into the Yucca Desert for who knows how long, to search for who knows exactly what singing cactus, because the Queen of Candyland said so. 

Teddy was silent for a long while, deep in thought. He then lightly pounded his fist on the table and cracked a grin.

—Alright. I’m with you guys.

—Me too!

The next morning, the Paradise Line to Ellay Town boarded its passengers, tooted its whistle, and chugged away… and Magicant’s Chosen Four heroes watched that train leave.

—Well, let’s get going, everyone! We should stock up on some canteens and camping gear before we take the next train south. There’s no telling how long we’ll be looking for that cactus!

—…ain’t that the truth.

The train ride to the Yucca Desert couldn’t have been long enough for Ninten. But end it did, and then his hightop-sneakered foot took that first step on coarse sand and gravel, and he looked up and saw the hot sun in his eyes even as the visor of his hat did its best to block the worst of it, and it hit him once and for all: he was trapped in the Yucca Desert with the three most aggravating people he knew. 

Only one thing could have stunned him out of his silent rage even for a moment. And that, of course, was a serious asthma attack. The tight chest and pained deep breaths came as usual, but a newfound severity from these old familiar friends of his bowled him over. He sat on the ground and used his muscle memory to produce the inhaler from his backpack, and it wasn’t until the medicine coursed through his lungs and gave him relief that he saw, and finally recognized the smell, of what actually caused the attack. 

Because among his three companions standing nervously before him, anxious to see if he would pull through, was that idiot Teddy, puffing away on a cigarette.

—Gave us a real scare, there. You all right, buddy?

—Yeah, it’s just… I have asthma.

—Oh. I see…

Teddy thought about this for a while, and took another long drag. 

—What’s asthma?

Ninten sighed and rolled his eyes.

—Well, Teddy, it’s a disease of the lungs. My alveoli get severe inflammation and it becomes hard to breathe. It usually happens when I get exposed… to ah, airborne pollutants. 

—Oh. I see…

Another long pause, Teddy deep in thought, and another deep long puff off his cigarette.

—…anything I can do to help?

Ninten groaned and slapped his forehead, but before anything ugly could be spoken by either of them, Ana got in between them and tapped Teddy’s shoulder.

—Teddy, I think what Ninten is getting at is your smoking is aggravating his condition.

—Oh. Jeez, I’m sorry buddy. Why didn’t you come right out and say so?

Teddy threw the butt to the ground and twisted it into the dirt with his foot. Ninten felt exactly the same as that cigarette butt.

*

Not long after that little asthma scare, the sun was getting low in the sky and the Chosen Four set up camp. As Teddy insisted he build the campsite and fireplace by himself, it left little for the others to do but for Lloyd to watch Teddy, and for Ninten to walk off a good distance from the campsite, as Teddy had taken up the smoking he missed out on during the walk, where he alternately read fragments of his ancestor’s journal and played, dispassionately, again and again, the first three bars of Queen Mary’s melody on his ocarina. 

As fumed as he still was that he was in the desert in the first place, he nonetheless calmed down just a little bit when Ana approached and allowed her to sit beside him. He then played a different melody, simple, but charming.

—What’s that? I don’t think I’ve heard it on the radio.

—It’s not on the radio. It’s a song my… my mom used to like.

A long silence between the two, and then, unable to bear the question she had locked in her heart for so long, but probably knew better than to let free without a great deal of care, Ana took the lull in the conversation as her chance. 

—Do you miss your mom?

—…what kind of a stupid question is that?

Ana was hurt by Ninten’s rebuff, and noticing this he calmed down and let out some air.

—I’m sorry, it just caught me off guard… yes, I do. Every day. But you know… she’s gone, and no amount of crying is gonna bring her back, so… I’m not going to. 

—When was the last time you cried? Was it back when she died?

—No. Not even then. 

—Maybe you should. Cry, I mean, right now, to make up for it. Let it all out. 

—I can’t imagine why I ever thought you were a weirdo.

Ninten grumbled and rose from his seat on the desert floor, scanning for some other dusty part of the desert floor that Ana wasn’t also at, and Ana rose to follow him. 

—Really, it’ll help! I’ve had some great cries myself. I can tell you all sorts of stories about my cries.

—You are such a freak! Why do you want me to cry?

—It’s not that I want you to… I want you to feel better, to not be sad anymore. I want to… to help you.

Ninten, noticing Ana’s genuine concern, even if she was being a weirdo, calmed himself once again and abandoned his search for another seat, sitting back down next to Ana.

—Well, thank you for trying to help, but I can’t cry right now. I just can’t. Besides, I think we have other more important stuff to worry about than my feelings.

—Okay then… what about when we don’t anymore?

—…what?

—When this is all over. How about then?

Was he really speaking to Ana about this? Was he really negotiating a time to weep with this kooky girl? But, figuring that if he at least agreed to exactly this postponement, it would open up the door for chances to back out on it later, and also, more importantly, get her to drop the matter now.

—In the very unlikely event we find these stupid melodies and reach wherever it is that we have no idea where we’re going… fine. But not a moment before. No, um… no crying until the ending. That’s the rules.

Ana cracked a big grin and shot out her open hand, as if to say, shake on it! Ninten, his eyes already amply rolled to the back of his head, did so.

Meanwhile, Teddy was still hard at work setting up camp, and Lloyd was still hard at work watching in awe as Teddy singlehandedly set up camp. Noticing this at last, Teddy dropped a tent bundle to the ground and took a good look at Lloyd. The small boy, who, figuring correctly that the deadly risk of sunburn far outweighed the unbearable heat they afforded him, was wearing the legs of his hiking pants zipped back on and a wide-brimmed sun hat with flaps that covered his neck and ears, all of which made him cut a rather silly figure.  

—Alright, let’s cut to the chase. You want to be like me, don’t you?

—Oh, uh… I dunno…

—Look, to be like me, it’s easy. It’s all in the mind. The one thing you gotta understand is that pain doesn’t hurt you. It only makes you stronger.

—…if it doesn’t ah, kill you first! As the popular saying goes…

—Take Ninten and his eczema. He could breathe normally if he wanted to, he just has to ignore all that influenza in his lungs. He’s just gotta do what I do, see, I don’t even think about breathing, I just do it. It’s crazy, all the breaths I do by the end of the day, and I don’t think about a single one. You see? It’s all in the mind. Now how does that sound to you?

—Like the worst medical advice I ever heard?

—…hm. I think I know what you need. A war cry. Like this…

Teddy picked up a nearby rock on the ground, about the size of a football.

—GAAAAH! I’M JUMPIN IN!

And then, like an empty beer can flattened by a frat brother, Teddy smashed the rock right against his forehead. But amazingly, Teddy did not fall to the ground conked out with a massive head wound. The rock didn’t even cause any blood, not even a bruise! Instead, the thing smashed to bits, and left Teddy uninjured and conscious enough to give Lloyd a satisfied smirk. 

—You just… that rock… on your head, you smashed that rock on your… 

—Yeah. I smash rocks with my head. Do it all the time. No biggie. Alright, your turn.

—What?! Me, smash a rock on my head?!

—No! War cry first. Never start with rocks to the head. Trust me on that one. 

—Makes sense, I guess… uh, here goes… Grr! I’m jumpin-

—Whoawhoawhoa, pump the brakes there, buddy! That’s my war cry! You need your own war cry. Okay, how about this, uh… I CAN ROAR LIKE A LION!

Teddy got in Lloyd’s face and gave him a shout that made the smaller boy stumble back.

—I CAN PUNCH YOUR FACE OFF LIKE A BEAR!

Teddy stepped back from Lloyd and swung a fist or two in the air with all his might.

—I CAN BREATHE FIRE LIKE A DRAGON!

Teddy puffed his cheeks out and blew air.

—I CAN… I CAN… erm, I can ah… I CAN FLY LIKE AN EAGLE AND SWOOP DOWN AND RIP YOUR GUTS OUT!

Teddy once again got up close to Lloyd, who foolishly thought he was in the clear after that lion’s roar, and let out a loud CAW! right in his face. 

—BECAUSE I AM AWESOME!!!

Teddy stuck out both fists high in the air and froze in place, as if waiting for applause from Lloyd, before taking out his comb and teasing his hair back up into place, which had become a little unkempt from that recent exertion.

—…I can’t do any of those things.

—Not yet.

Two days into the walk through the Yucca Desert, and not only had they not seen a singing cactus, well, they had seen neither hide nor thorn of any succulent florae whatsoever. Nothing but rocks, dried shrubs, tumbleweeds, and the occasional lizard scooting by. And just when it seemed like it was hopeless, truly unbearable to keep going… they would find an oasis, and guzzle down their canteens and refill them again to the brim, and figure that could keep them going another day or two! What incredible luck! 

It was the second such “miracle” oasis prolonging the miserable trip where one day they decided to set up camp  for the night. Ninten withdrew from the group and, after making sure the four of them filled up anything they wanted to put their mouths on first, took a dip in the small watering hole. It had been a few days since he showered or laundered his clothes, and to be sure the oasis was no replacement for that, but it was better than nothing. As the setting sun turned the sky pink and orange, he lounged on the ground and studied George Moley’s journal as his shirt and socks dried hanging beside him. 

Ana, Lloyd, and Teddy all took Ninten’s lead and dipped in the water as well, and it wasn’t long before the three of them sidle beside him, and poked their nose into his journal.

—Find anything interesting in there?

An especially nasty part of Ninten wanted to tell Ana, yes, it’s full of dire warnings not to blindly wander into a desert, whoopsa daisy! But a shred of decency still flickering inside him decided to keep this comment to himself. Instead, he flipped to a page with something he thought he recognized. A mountain as wide as it was tall, almost like a mesa, with a thick black cloud crowning its summit. Of course, around the drawing were the obligatory nonsense and scribbles, a tombstone with two X’s, a strange slender robot with a football-shaped head, things like that. 

—It’s Mount Itoi. I have a feeling this journey is going to take us there soon.

—Never heard of it.

—People say that’s where George Moley ah… flew to, when he returned. It’s been a hotbed of UFO and Bigfoot sightings and stuff like that-

—Oh! You mean the Holey Moley Mountain.

—…it’s not called that. It’s… Teddy?

They looked up to see Teddy wistfully staring into the sky with the setting sun.

—I have unfinished business on the Holey Moley Mountain. 

He dramatically whipped out his butterfly knife, and after performing some intricate flips and tricks, held it in the air and let the blade glisten in the setting sun’s dim light.

—My parents were murdered by a wild man-eating beast… The Blatant Beast of the Holey Moley Mountain.

As Teddy paced back and forth, absorbed in his own story, two members of his audience out of the three were rapt in attention. 

—The memory of that awful day is still seared into my brain like an etch-a-sketch. There we were, on the very top of the mountain, my mom and pop and I, just minding our own business… when a ferocious beast, fur made of steel shards, ten rows of razor-sharp teeth, and glowing red eyes, came out of nowhere and attacked! It struck me first, I blacked out… When I woke up, my mom and pop were lying on the ground, right on top of death’s door. I'll never forget their last words: “ah nuts, it got us, we’re dying now, man, this really sucks… Teddy, you're so awesome, you're like a gift from God, I mean, that's why we named you Teddy, right? You gotta kill the Blatant Beast of the Holey Moley Mountain, and avenge us. You... you just gotta do it." Then it swooped from the sky, grabbed me in its talons, and dropped me off at a foster home in Merrysville. 

Ninten let out a scoff louder than he meant to, and Teddy noticed, snapping him out of his tale.

—What’s your damage now, friend-o?

—My damage is you’re making this all up.

—Psh, what? I don’t make things up.

—…really.

Ninten went back deep into the annals of his mind and gave the others damning testimony. Item one, fifteen minutes from disembarking the Paradise Line en route to the Yucca Desert, quote: this kind of long walking doesn’t bother me. I could walk across the whole country in a couple weeks. That’s why I don’t drive a car, I just walk to where I need to go, I get there faster than it takes to drive. Unquote. Item two, at the close of the first day, as they were preparing to sleep for the night, unprompted, quote: I wish there were taller buildings in Eagleland. I already climbed the tallest one in Fourside, and I had my hands tied behind my back. It’s kind of sad, that’s all the buildings left to climb, you know? Unquote. Item three, second day in the desert, as they all sat down to packed lunches, quote: don’t get me wrong, I like grape jelly, but just to have that layer of sweet stuff on the bread and nothing else, it’s missing something, you know? That’s why I invented peanut butter. Unquote. And so on.

—Why would this crackpot story be any more likely? You didn’t even know what your name meant until a few days ago when you met Ana, why would your parents have ever said that out loud? 

—They did. They named me “a gift from God,” it’s from the corny Greek.

—…the what?!

—The… the, corny Greek.

—Excuse me, you just said “the corny Greek?!”

—Yes! It’s the Greek that’s not as serious as the other Greek! Everybody knows about that! 

—Why would a man-eating wild beast kill your parents, and then for no reason drop you off at a place where parents usually put up their kids for adoption? 

—I don’t even want to get into the mind of such a horrible creature. I only want to get into its ribcage. With my bare hands. So I can rip its heart out... with, also my bare hands. Anyway, how are you so sure none of that happened? Were you there?

—You’re the one making an extraordinary claim, the burden of proof is on you!

—No it’s not.

—Yes it is!

—No. It isn’t, I checked.

—…you are so ridiculous it’s not even funny.

—No, you’re ridiculous, and it is funny.

—Oh, good one, buddy. Got any other knockout comebacks for me?

—As a matter of fact, I do. You’re… you’re a proof of burden.

—…what?!

—You are. Biggest proof of burden I’ve ever seen.

—Will you stop saying that? You don’t know what it means! 

—Yes, I do. I looked it up.

—Oh yeah? You looked it up, huh, in a big boy dictionary?

—No, even better, in a thesaurus. 

—In a the… oh, dear God…

—That’s right. Everyone knows a thesaurus is a better dictionary. And you know what I found next to it? A picture of you. You’re making this frowny face, eeeeh, I’m Ninten, I’m a big proof of burden, I’m trapped in this thesaurus-

—OH MY GOD, SHUT UP!

—Psh. I don’t need your guff, I know my path. My mom and pop are up in heaven, looking down on me. 

—Yeah, that’s great. Guess what? My mom’s looking down on me, too. In an urn on my fireplace!

This stunned the other three into silence, and Ninten pressed his advantage. 

—It’s not a fun little story to me. Losing a parent, really losing one, isn’t something you joke around about for clout. Now, I’m begging you, for once in your whole life, just be serious. You can be a moron all the rest of your days, but tonight, just for one night, can you do that?!

Ninten’s tirade had a strange effect on Teddy. Puffed up and energetic before, it knocked the wind out of him now. Deflated, impotent, he said nothing for a while and then stammered his words as he looked down at his shoes.

—Sorry… I, I didn’t… Well, I’ll, I’m just… I’m gonna go… I’m gonna meditate.

*

Ana and Lloyd sat by the fire together, as Teddy was off to one side of the campsite deep in the lotus position, and Ninten was on the other side, still in such a bad mood that no one dared risk any words with him. Lloyd took a passing glance at Teddy.

—Do you think he’s gonna be okay?

Ana thought for a while, tapping her chin with a finger.

—I have a friend in Youngtown who's very smart, he has a psychiatric degree and he's only twelve! Well, he would say that Teddy is someone who builds himself up and up and up and up, until something hits him and sends him crashing to the bottom. I think Teddy's hit the bottom now, but he'll be back up in no time.

—…so it’s true, he’s actually insane.

—Or, maybe that’s just how he stays sane. If I knew for sure, I guess I’d be the one with that psychiatric degree.

Ana sighed and faced the other direction, where Ninten was still moping to himself, his nose deep in the journal.

—To be honest, it’s Ninten I’m really worried about…

Deep in the night, the black sky so clear you can see every star the universe had to muster, and so quiet not even the lizards and birds of the desert were making a peep, Ana was roused from her sleep by a moan. Looking up, she found it came from Ninten. An awful sound, one that she had never heard out of him yet, one of real distress, and real pain. 

Ana rose to her feet and tiptoed to the sleeping boy, who by then had rolled completely out of his sleeping bag and was shaking his head, swinging his fists, and moaning again and again, no, no, no please… no, don’t… 

He was having a nightmare, and from the look and sound of it, a really bad one. 

There was only one thing for her to do, but one other thing gave her pause. It’s gross to me, he told her once before, I wouldn’t want anyone doing that to me. She shook that thought off just as soon as it came to her. For, didn’t she tell him right back, I only use it to help other people? And wasn’t this was an emergency? A nightmare, after all, isn’t supposed to be so scary you roll yourself out of bed, or accidentally punch yourself in the jaw.

She knelt beside Ninten, her eyes went flat white, and a ring chimed out, not that any of the other sleeping boys heard it, of course. And then, she gently placed a hand on Ninten’s head. Without even looking at the nightmare, she swept it away, imagining literally a broom and dustpan scooping up a black scribbly-ink dust cloud of terror and moans and tears, and throwing it into a dustbin for neither her nor the boy to ever see again. Now, she needed something to replace it. She scoured for a memory, the happiest one she could find. Eventually, she found the shred of something that intrigued her, a tiny little melody she heard before, quite recently, in fact. It was the very same melody he played the day before on his ocarina, the one he said “his mother used to like.”

In the memory, there is a boy, much younger than the one sleeping before her, maybe five or six years old. He’s in his bedroom, he’s dressed in his PJs, but he’s absolutely not ready for bed. He jumps up and down on the mattress and giggles to high heaven, while a gentle knock and the voice of a young woman can be heard behind his bedroom door.

Say, are there monkeys in there jumping on the bed?

No! 

Are you sure? It sounds an awful lot like monkeys jumping on the bed!

No!

I dunno, I heard the monkeys escaped from the zoo today, and I think they’re in my boy’s room jumping all over his bed!

Nooooo!

Every time the woman behind the door speaks, the boy laughs harder and harder. Finally, she enters the room, grabs the boy from the bed. I knew it, she says, there’s a great big monkey jumping on the bed, as she tickles him in the ribs into submission. Ceding the victory to her, the boy climbs into the covers.

Now go to sleep, little monkey boy. You got a big day tomorrow. 

But I always got a big day tomorrow. You just say that to get me to go to bed. 

Well, am I ever wrong? A day at the beach with all your friends, and then fireworks in the nighttime, hot dogs and marshmallows over a bonfire till you get sick? Staying up all night watching scary movies? Sounds like a huge day to me, kiddo. Gigantic, even.

Oh, I guess so… Mom? Can mister holey moley sing to us?

Jeez, I dunno… he already sang yesterday, I’m not sure he’s up to it tonight…

Please? Pleeeeease?

Welp, lemme go ask him.

The boy’s mother goes to a shelf in his room, and there is a worn stuffed animal, a penguin, in fact, with a hole in its back meant for a hand, like a puppet. His mother places her right hand into the penguin, and in an instant the animal comes to life, waving to the boy in the bed with its wings. Then, sitting beside the boy, she begins to sing. Well, that is of course to say, the penguin begins to sing, and the boy sings along with his dear friend.

Love is the power, love is the glory,

Love is the beauty and the joy of spring.

Love is the magic, love is the story,

Love is the melody we all can sing…

His mother brings the penguin toy to her son, giving him a hug with it. The boy hugs his friend in kind, and his mother pulls her hand away from the puppet-slot behind it, leaving the penguin friend snug in the boy’s arms. The second she does, the boy’s eyes begin to droop. His mother leans in and strokes the hair on her son’s head, continuing the song in a whisper, as sleep slowly overpowers the child.

Love is the power, love is the glory,

Love is the beauty and the joy of spring.

Love is the magic, love is the story,

Love is the melody we all can sing…

And that does the trick. Her boy is fully conked out and dreaming sweet dreams of summer days on the beach and plenty of junk food and black and white zombie flicks to come. She kisses him on the forehead and whispers in his ear,

Go to sleep now, Ninten. You’ve got a big day tomorrow.

And outside of the dream, on the sand and gravel of the Yucca Desert, Ana heard Ninten mumble out loud,

—Okay, mom…

She pulled herself out of the dream and looked down at the sleeping boy, and saw a sight she literally had not seen since the first moment she met him, when the birds sang and danced around the aviary in celebration of his arrival. For Ninten was not just fast asleep, not just taking in deep contented breaths, but also smiling. He had finally loosened the fist his heart had been clenching for two years in a row, and showed Ana a side of him capable of silliness, and tenderness, and joy. 

You see, Ana was not particularly clear on, and so Ninten did not particularly understand, the nature of her precognitive powers. Every so often in her life, Ana gets a very small glimpse of a future event, and whatever it is, it is guaranteed to happen, no matter what. So if she sees the lamp in the living room broken by her hands, nothing she can do will cause events to transpire in any way except those that lead to that lamp’s destruction. If she sees a B plus on the algebra test in her future? Well, not only would it do no good to study harder to improve the grade, neither would it do to fail to study at all, or else, how on earth would she score even a B plus on that dangnabbit algebra test?

So when Ana told Ninten that they were fated to spend the rest of their lives together, it was with the same workmanlike, dispassionate fatalism that came with every small revelation her precognitive powers afforded her. In fact, all she had to go on was the assurance that those visions inevitably come true, since Ninten himself had given her next to no other reason to believe it, what with his utterly rotten attitude, especially since they first set foot in the desert. But this was proof that the sorrow of his past did not scour out any and all traces of love and joy from his heart, it only shoved them down deep, too far down to see with the naked eye, but there all the same, and worth the attempt to excavate out into the sun. For that smile he smiled back at her, deep in the lovely dream of his happy memory, was the same smile Ana saw in her own dreams, the one this future love of her life smiled back to her.

This, then, was the very first moment in Pollyana Cherrycoke’s weird and wonderful life that she fell madly, deeply, head over heels and a few times back around again, in love with her future husband and father of their only child, with Ninten Elliott.

*

You’ve been listening to The Podcast Against Giygas. The Podcast Against Giygas is an audiobook written and performed by me, Garrett McMahon, based on Mother, the 1989 video game for the Nintendo Entertainment System directed by Shigesato Itoi. With production by William Pawlowski, thumbnail design and art direction by David Peters, and musical selections from the recent Earthbound Beginnings remake hack, with arrangements by livvy94, Snyderman, Bluestone, Pinci, and Mary Strawberry.

This podcast is a guaranteed masterpiece! It is also a fan-made project affiliated in no way whatsoever with the Nintendo Corporation or Mr. Itoi. This podcast is free to listen to, ad-free, and always will be. I hope you enjoyed today’s episode, and if you did, a rating and review on your podcast service of choice is always appreciated. Well, I’ll see you back next Monday, but until then, no crying till the ending!