The Attire File

✨ Wedding guest attire is one of the biggest wedding debates... so we're opening the file. 👗

From cocktail to black tie, what actually do those dress codes mean? We're joined by Wild Ivy Creative to break down what to wear, what to avoid, and how to show up looking your best without outshining the couple. 🤍

Thanks for opening this file with us, we’ll see you next time on The Aisle Files! 

Have a wedding story, planning tip, or hilarious mishap? We’d love to hear it and maybe even share it on the show!

Send us your stories: hellotheaislefiles@gmail.com

Connect with us on Instagram: @theaislefilespod

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:15

Hello, hello. Welcome to another episode of the IELT Files, where today we have a very special guest. So lovely. My incredible sissy Kate of Wild Ivy Creative.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Insert cheering noises. Hi guys. Thank you so much for having me.

SPEAKER_04 0:45

It's back. It's been a year since you've been on it.

SPEAKER_01 0:49

Yeah, we're not gonna talk about what happened a couple weeks ago, right?

SPEAKER_04 0:53

No, that's like that was never part of it.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

I'm so excited to be here, even though I'm not in Chicago.

SPEAKER_03 1:05

So we tried to record in Chicago and anyway.

SPEAKER_04 1:09

Like what happened when we first came in. We forgot to hit the record button.

SPEAKER_03 1:14

Yeah, why is that happening when I'm there? But then well it stopped recording. Yeah, it stopped recording. So now we're actively watching it to make sure it doesn't stop and staring it down. Uh new developments. I have two kittens right now. What do you mean right now? For now for the next so many years. Um one is being so cute in the window.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

And she's a little bit she got all these window pillows for all the kittens. They're so cute.

SPEAKER_03 1:57

And I love right in my eye view too. I know it's like I can see them. They're oh, she just gone down. Anyway today we have a lot to talk about. Uh certain trend that we're seeing at weddings relatively recently. I mean this past weekend, the weekend before, the weekend before that. I just don't understand it. I need to scour Reddit or something to figure out if something's happening.

SPEAKER_01 2:31

Uh, because not only that, but this happened across the country.

SPEAKER_03 2:37

Yeah. So everyone say it with us right now. We do not wear white to weddings unless specifically instructed by the couple.

SPEAKER_04 2:51

Correct.

SPEAKER_03 2:52

The two beweds. Do not wear white, don't wear a white shirt. No, don't bring a white shawl, don't wear a dress that has white in it. No, just I just think any white it shouldn't have any white in it.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Yeah, I really think it just it's really simple. It's just it's so just don't do it. The last time we talked about this, I was kind of like uh not advocating, but I was like, I think it's like an older generation thing. Like, I feel like some of them just don't get it. Yeah, I was advocating, I was being double's advocate, and now I've changed my opinion and it's just out of hand. It is I will say, my planner, the our coordinator at the wedding that I had um on Sunday, that there was, I mean, it wasn't blatant white. It was, it was, I couldn't even understand what was happening. There were women wearing pure white dresses, and I said to the yes, yes, Jessica, I I'll send you the picture so y'all can look at it. Um I told, I told the coordinator, um, I was like, I don't understand what's happening. And she said she was of um Asian descent, and she said, Kate, my people just can't read the room. So she was saying it was her culture specifically, the Asian culture. But then I was talking to Ashley, and which one I've never seen this before at a wedding that was like predominantly Asian, anyways. But she was she was saying this happens a lot, I guess, for weddings that she's seen in the Asian culture. But um, but then Ashley had a wedding over the weekend, and there was no one of Asian descent, and they were wearing white. Yeah, so what is it? That's no. So there was that looks like the bride shirt.

SPEAKER_03 4:49

Yeah, I thought that that was the bride. Yeah, you can't even tell which one, and then I was like, wait, is she the one sitting down?

SPEAKER_01 4:56

Yeah, because I zoomed in. That's a picture, that's a zoomed-in picture, so that's like not the full picture. I zoomed in like specifically on those girls wearing white. Um, but that wasn't even the only one, that was just the one where it was like the most white in one picture.

SPEAKER_03 5:13

So there was the grandmother of the bride wore a white and blue dress. There was a guest that wore a predominantly white dress that had like red, like these like red like designs, but it was still a lot, like it was like so much white. Yeah, um, there was more. There was like it was just there was a a young girl wearing a white based dress that was like floral, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

And then I was just like so I'm just like Yeah, I also had a young girl wearing it was like that. It was a white-based dress and floral, but the florals were so tiny, it was like almost all white.

SPEAKER_03 6:01

No, like no, I don't understand it. This the thing is, is like I don't know what their invitation said, you know, so I can't, but I can't imagine that this many people are like, yeah, like wear white.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

I photographed their invitation.

SPEAKER_03 6:16

It wasn't like everyone was wearing white now. Yeah, I'm just gonna say this. This is just me being very blunt.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

If you are wearing white, we notice you, yeah, and that's everyone's looking at you in a bad way, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:32

Not in a oh my gosh, you look so great. There's so many, there's so many options for things to wear to weddings. It's like there's so many dresses out there. You're telling me that you have to pick a white base dress, and like be this is your time to be creative and like you know, dress it up and feel your best. And like if you if you're a guest at a wedding and you don't have a big budget, go thrifting. That's a big thing. We checked Reddit, yeah, thrifting. Uh there's Rent the Runway, Newly.

SPEAKER_04 7:13

I mean, I got my wedding dress dress from Amazon and it was only 20 bucks. Yes, and it was beautiful. I love it still to this day. I'm like waiting for something to wear too, to be honest.

SPEAKER_03 7:24

There's so many options, so I just think there's literally no excuse.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

And if you really can't spend any money on a dress, I'm sure that there's somebody who would let you borrow correct if you ask for really nice, or if you really cannot afford to spend any single dime on a dress, maybe you don't go to the wedding.

SPEAKER_03 7:44

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:46

I don't know. It might be harsh, but then I just feel like how are you traveling? How are you getting there? Like, you if you can't afford a dress, then it like if you can't save up enough money to afford a dress that isn't white, like just don't go. Yeah. Sorry if that's mean.

SPEAKER_03 8:05

It's probably gonna sound so harsh, but it's true, honestly. Like, and that's just not for that's not just for the couple, it's for you. If you are literally in this point where you were like, I can't afford to go wear something appropriate to this function. This is not something so originally before when we were talking about this, Kate was thinking maybe that this was something that was more acceptable, you know, back in the day, you know, when our grandparents were getting married or whatever. Uh, but when I looked it up, it was we need to clip like now this is we need to clip that because I think we did get that one agreed to recorded.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

I'm just gonna be honest. I think that the those ladies are a little bit older for where it was not seen so rigidly. I don't care how old they are. I'm just saying immediately when I saw their age, I was like, oh, this is not the only example. I always thought it was like you shouldn't have any white in your outfit.

SPEAKER_04 9:11

That's what I was saying.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

But that's because I'm in weddings and I'm I feel like I'm a younger generation. I feel like before, if you look back historically, like it was okay to have a pop of white, and that was like, oh, it's a wedding. You want to have a little pop of white.

SPEAKER_02 9:24

Okay, yes. Historically, wearing white to a wedding was incredibly appropriate, but only if you were the bride.

SPEAKER_03 9:35

If you need help, like we reach out to us. We're happy to help you guys.

SPEAKER_04 9:42

Not that people that are wearing white are listening, but well, I think too, like the bride and groom spend all this time, effort, money, and I'm saying it because I'm doing it right now. Like you spend all this time, money, and effort, and then you as the bride buy this beautiful white dress, and then a guest shows up in a white dress. Like, no, that's supposed to be my moment, not your moment.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

Like, you're the couple. Well, that's observer is getting married.

SPEAKER_04 10:06

Yeah, it's like it's my moment, it's the couple's moment, it's not your moment. Like, let it let them let them steal the show for the day, not you.

SPEAKER_03 10:15

I think the first wedding that happened when we talked about this, it was like at least 10 people that I counted, and it was probably the same at this past wedding, and I just this is guys, this is the time. Share this with your friends, please. For the love of mother nature and the universe, do not wear a white dress.

SPEAKER_04 10:45

Don't wear white.

SPEAKER_03 10:47

There was a couple, I forgot about this. There was a couple that I think it was the girl with the white dress and the flowers. Somebody she knew in her immediate family was wearing a white suit jacket.

SPEAKER_04 11:03

Wow, like a like a proper like a tux scene of facial emotions right now with our faces.

SPEAKER_03 11:10

Please it's an it's an epidemic.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

I will say one thing that was interesting was my bride ended up having, like, I guess it did not bother her at all. She ended up having an outfit change, and her second dress was light blue, and then she had a third outfit change, and it was like the traditional wedding wear for her culture, and it was red and it was really pretty. But I was surprised by the blue dress. I was like, maybe she just does not care. Yeah, but I was like, maybe she does not care, like because she has a she's changing into a blue dress, maybe she's like, whatever you want to wear white, but also she was very, very sweet and very, very quiet. Her ants were running up and down the aisle during the running around getting video on their phone. It was insane. And behind them, like as they were walking out, um, they stopped and did an aisle kiss. There were her these ants were in the back of the they were like in the middle of the aisle behind them, recording the aisle kiss facing me. So they're in all those pictures. So they're they, you know, they're doing the the recessional and they're walking out, they stop, they kiss, they do an aisle dip kiss. I'm at the end of the aisle capturing them exiting. These ants had gone around, like around the from the back, because they're at the back at first to get the kiss, and then they ran down the aisle, and they're like over where the ceremony happened, recording the opposite of me. So, like I'm taking their picture as they're editing, and these ants are in the back of the picture with their phones recording. There were two of them just running around, and also they had another ant at the top, like there was a balcony, they had another ant at the balcony recording with a like a video camera, so they had everything recorded from this video camera that was up there on the balcony, and at first she put it in the middle of the aisle, and I went up to her and I was like, I am so sorry that's not gonna be able to stay here. But if you want to have a great spot for it, you can put it on the balcony. And she was like, Oh, okay, thank you. And her husband, bless him. He when I walked up, he was saying, You need to talk to the photographer, don't just don't just put that in the aisle. So there were anyways, my point being there were just a lot of things happening at this wedding that were completely out of like our typical etiquette.

SPEAKER_03 13:46

And well, it's a that like the western western weddings are so different. We're talking about western weddings, we're not talking about like South Asian, like I know that in other wedding traditions that you can wear white because it's typical for the bride to wear a red or a gold or yeah, this was very much a western wedding, but we're talking about weddings where the bride traditionally wears white.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

I don't understand it was definitely a day, it was definitely a day. I don't know that I've noticed as much white as you have recently until recently. And I don't know if I don't think it's just paying more attention now. I don't think that's it because it just like stood out to me. I wasn't like I didn't even I wasn't thinking about what we had talked about already. I was like, I don't know if it's because even when I see a yellow dress, I'm like, I'm like, ooh, is it so? I've seen that before where I've seen like a yellow dress that's like really light yellow, where I'm like, like I think you said when you're photographing it, that's when it it looks white. Like in person, it looks yellow on camera, it looks white, and that's kind of like a gray area. But I can understand how you buy a yellow dress not knowing it's gonna photograph white.

SPEAKER_04 15:03

Well, I think there's like that buttery yellow sometimes, uh really light yellow, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

In the sun, when you're in the sun, it like it shows white, it does not show butter yellow, but then when it's like dark out, dark, like inside the venue, yeah, it's sticky, it's like a that's an iffy one too. I mean, I feel like we should just oust white butter yellow.

SPEAKER_03 15:25

I agree. I think butter yellow, those really light pinks, like blush, yeah, blush pink in the in the wedding gown. So or a light blue if it if you're looking at it and it looks too you're like maybe questionable. If you have a question, if you're like, oh, maybe or anyone else has a question, maybe don't do it.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

Yes, you could also bounce it off of like, yeah, bounce it off your friends, bounce it off a couple people. I also think like we need to denormalize the patterns with the white under and a pattern on top, like just because it has a pattern on top doesn't make it not white. Like if you were buying that at a store, if you were online shopping and you did a filter and you filtered white, that would show up. Like that's technically a white dress. Just because it has a pattern over the background white fabric doesn't make it not white.

SPEAKER_03 16:23

No, I agree. That is very true. I want to do a Reddit post that everyone should. I'm just gonna be like, share this with everyone. Hey guys, we've noticed a lot of white lately. Let's get let's get it together. Let's get it together. We've seen it across the country. There was a guest wearing this really cool, like it wasn't like bright orange, but it was just like this, it looks so good. She was wearing this orange dress, it was like a silk-looking dress, and the sleeve like the straps had like feathery looking things on them. It was so pretty, and it looked great on her. And I'm like, this is what I want to see. Yeah, I want to see you guys picking stuff like this because if you are putting intention into your outfit, we're gonna photograph you. We want to photograph and show, like, you know, the uniqueness and the creativity and what people put together. That is some of the most fun parts of photographing cocktail hour for me is seeing what people wear, and that's like why why do you think gallery? Yeah, yeah. Do you want to be no, no, no, no, no. Even if you're not we're photographing everyone, but when you put in effort, I just feel like especially oh my god, like maybe your dress details, you know, you're gonna get a little extra, like yeah, like if you have the cute little clutch, or if like I've seen some men wear really great suit jackets that have like real like really cool details, or if they're wearing like a cool pin and like brooches or something, yeah, like this is your time. This is this is your chance, and with everything going on in the world, if you're gonna get invited to a wedding and have the chance to enjoy a little bit of it, do it, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Yeah, also not to say don't you're not outstaging the bride and groom, you're just showing up for them, yeah, and helping to like bedazzle, for lack of a better word, their wedding. Yeah, you're bringing you're bringing the the the beauty in another way because there's nothing more appealing than guests that are well dressed versus like the latter, like come walking into a wedding and everyone's just done it right. You're like, oh my god, yeah, yeah, oh my gosh, everyone looks amazing, and then it makes the couple feel happy, like you don't want to be like you know, it makes them feel like oh, this was special, this was important. Look how like much they look how nice.

SPEAKER_04 19:02

Look how they look for me, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:05

Well, I think that's also too a very cultural thing, too, because we notice that a lot where there are certain cultured weddings that we will do, and they will dress to the nine, yeah. And I'm like, I'm looking at them dresses, I'm like, how are you wearing that? Like, that's so it's like crazy, like the how it is, it's so pretty. And even with like like Indian weddings, like the those dress, like those outfits, the bead wear like South Asian, yeah, they're so pretty. Like I feel like they go all out. So why can't any other wedding go all out?

SPEAKER_01 19:38

And I also think that like usually when you have those weddings, no matter what your like ethnicity is or your culture is, you're dressing for the wedding, and they do like they'll they will all go out get and get authentic wear for the weddings, like regardless of if they're you know not right necessarily like born into that culture, because the that's what the you know the bride is, you know, usually it says, of course, on the invitation, like this is you know the wear that we're wearing. But I feel like just because it like if it if it says like you know, smart casual or whatever the words are now that they're using for like typical western weddings, I feel like that's is the sign, like you should be dressing to that. Like, I don't want to see you underdressed, unless if it says nothing, or like even then, even if it says nothing, like you can ask, you can inquire, like, hey, like what's the vibe you're wanting? I feel like I don't know. And I also I think I probably see people underdressed more here, so it probably bothers me more. Um you mean in your location, yeah, in Houston and in Texas.

SPEAKER_03 20:48

I mean, I do notice if we go like further out into the suburbs, it's probably similar.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

It's more likely someone's gonna be underdressed or not like trying to look like they're going to a wedding.

SPEAKER_03 21:01

Let's talk about the types of wear or the types of dress codes we see here and in the Houston area as well. And we're gonna talk about like the differences in those. A casual wedding, you would have like a khaki dress shirt, maybe like a knee-length dress with um strappy heel sandal, something like that. There's a garden. I see like a lot of garden weddings here during the summer and spring. And florally, I would say like that's the time to do a really great print.

SPEAKER_04 21:46

Guys are still in like suits in a jacket for like garden. Like they still the same stuff.

SPEAKER_03 21:53

I would say semi-formal, formal, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:56

For them and then just like florally pretty dressing garden, you could.

SPEAKER_03 22:00

Could still do an ankle length or knee length dress. Yes. For semi-formal, um, I guess that could also be the vibe. Yeah. But it's like a suit, knee length, ankle length dress, maybe a pattern that's not too loud. For formal, it's full length, but it has it shows shoulder, you can show shoulders or something like that. Um, a suit, like an actual full suit. And then for black tie, you want a tuxedo, or and if you're wearing a dress, you the more appropriate thing would be not to show shoulders, and it would be full length.

SPEAKER_04 22:48

My question with black tie, because I always get confused, are the girls supposed to be in black?

SPEAKER_03 22:53

No, because I have a lot of people asking. I would say jewel colors, okay, jewel tones, or or even like you could still do a red. I think it's more the black tie is more about I think it's the structure of the dress. Yeah, the structure of the dress, and then it's full length. You wouldn't wear you would wear it's a certain it's like specific type of materials, too.

SPEAKER_01 23:17

As um, I think like the dresses have to be made out of a certain type of material.

SPEAKER_03 23:24

So the chance to get invited to a tropical wedding or a wedding that's destination, that it would be like kind of a read-the-room situation for me. What does the invite say? If you don't know, like reach out to the couple or like friends of the couple, yeah, bridesmaids. Yeah, and then of course, like there's the option, there's the opportunity to get invited to something more festive where they probably would have a specific dress code and you would know. Yeah, like what like if that's like 20s.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

The destination wedding I went to there, like on their invitation, it's there there was also um an itinerary, uh, an itinerary, and it told you each day what you were doing and what what you were doing and what the um outfit or dress code was for each event. That's nice, that's cool. I think that's kind of typical though for destination weddings because you're usually doing several things, like it's like a whole weekend versus you know, just like one day. I also wonder the wedding that we did in Austin, because they had an itinerary. I wonder if on theirs, if they also had dress codes for each event. Because I know it wasn't necessary like it was destination kind of because it wasn't in Chicago, but it wasn't like your typical like tropical or like breeze or something, you know, really crazy. Um but I wonder if they had dress codes for each one.

SPEAKER_03 24:51

I think that on their um invitation it said formal. Everyone was dressed formal, yeah, for each event.

SPEAKER_04 25:01

So you said that, and I had to go back and look at my website to make sure. Did you put no? So I put like what should I wear? I put dress to impress, think to the nine, aka fancy enough for a great photo, but enough to break it down on the dance floor. When in doubt, overdress.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

Yeah, yeah, that's good. That's good. When in doubt, overdress, that's good.

SPEAKER_03 25:21

If you're planning a wedding, you need to know let people know what you want the vibe to be. Yeah, and if you need help, you know, if you've got a planner, coordinator, they can help you with that, but you should let people know like sooner rather than later. Definitely on the invite or the save the date on your wedding website because then that gives them time to remember it. What I just realized I never did that on the invite.

SPEAKER_04 25:49

Dress code.

SPEAKER_01 25:50

It's only on your website. Yeah, well, that's I think that's uh whenever we did Emma's wedding, she wanted to save money on the invites, so we didn't do a details, a separate sheet where that's where it would typically talk about that. Usually it's not, I feel like usually it's not on the main image. I know it just talks about like location, but it's very detailed. Where are you getting married, Jessica?

SPEAKER_04 26:14

Mason somebody is that your venue?

SPEAKER_01 26:18

Yeah, yeah, okay. I was just wondering if it was that or something different.

SPEAKER_02 26:24

No, I couldn't do it.

SPEAKER_04 26:28

No, it's beautiful, and then it is really beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 26:31

Like you love it, you work there, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:33

And that's where they got engaged.

SPEAKER_01 26:35

That's where they met. Were you surprised, or were you like you knew it was coming?

SPEAKER_04 26:42

Oh no, no, no. He he surprised me, and I'm surprised he did because I know all the little tricks and the trades, and I didn't catch on to any of the tricks, like any, but I keep telling everybody, I'm like, dress up. Like my aunt already sent my mom a picture and was like, Can I wear this? And I was like, absolutely, like, yes, it looks beautiful. Same with my grandma, like everyone's like, Can I wear this? Can I wear that?

SPEAKER_03 27:06

So it's gonna be so nice.

SPEAKER_04 27:07

So I think, but even that, like, you're like getting advice, like they were asking my mom, yeah, like, hey, is this okay to wear? In mind, it is nowhere near white. I think it's like black or like a navy blue, and I was like, Why are you asking me? My mom's like, she just wants to make sure. And I'm like, absolutely, it's not a good idea. I just want to make sure they're like good for you. Yeah, wear it, it's beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 27:27

Yeah, when's your wedding? End of September. I already asked you. I already asked you.

SPEAKER_01 27:35

I was just wondering. Wait, September?

unknown 27:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:41

Yeah. We could have said date, like we would have flew her in and like flew her right back out.

unknown 27:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:48

I have something the 25th and the 26th. The 26th, it's like a proposal. I have a proposal, but it's like um it's like there, it's a proposal and then like kind of an event after. So it's like he's he's rented out of space after, and he wants coverage of the party as well. So it's not even just like an hour. Dang it. Yeah, I know. Ashley was like, I'm gonna fly you out here and do video, and I was like, ooh, I can't. Can she change the wedding day?

SPEAKER_03 28:17

Absolutely not. So, Kate, we're so glad that you could join us today. We miss you.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

Love you. I'm so happy to be here. I wish I was, I wish, I wish if someone could please create a teleportation device. Yeah, that would be great.

SPEAKER_03 28:36

It's funny. Well, we also were talking about this with um my couple that we did the engagement session for because one of them asked, like, oh, like who started doing photography first? And I was like, Oh, Kate did, but it took us a long time to finally work together. But now that we have, I feel like we would prefer if we could just like do it all the time, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

So we do need to be like a sister crew, or if we could just find a faster transportation device, that would be good.

SPEAKER_03 29:10

Yeah, so create that teleportation out there. You got you scientists, a bullet train like from there to here. They could, they just aren't doing it.

SPEAKER_01 29:19

Well, they're apparently doing a bullet train from Houston to Dallas, so then maybe they could just Dallas to Chicago.

SPEAKER_03 29:28

It's not like there's not plenty of land correct to do it.

SPEAKER_01 29:32

Yeah, maybe one day when we're done.

SPEAKER_04 29:36

Thanks for opening up the entire file with us. We'll see you next time on the aisle files. Bye.