Gen-Xpertise
Gen-Xpertise podcast has been created with the goal of giving Generation X a voice, space and platform to share real stories, expertise, and nostalgia while navigating midlife.
Our hope is that we've launched a trusted platform that speaks to Gen-Xers’ needs – career, family, finances, health, legacy, etc. while also having some fun in the process.
Gen-Xpertise
Ep 34: "Return OF The Boom Bap: The Dual Parent Resurgence....Kinda"
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In this episode, we dive into a subtle but important shift happening in American family life, the slight rise of dual-parent households after decades of decline. Recent data shows that about 70–71% of children now live in two-parent homes. This signals a stabilization and even a modest rebound in family structure trends.
We explore what’s driving this change, from people waiting longer to have kids and becoming more financially stable, to the influence of education levels and immigrant family patterns. We also unpack the economic reality: with over 70% of Americans saying raising children is unaffordable, many households are relying on two incomes just to make it work.
From improved outcomes in income and education to the complexities of modern parenting, this episode gives a balanced, Gen X perspective on what’s changing, what’s not, and why it matters.
Intro and Outro music by Erin Garris and Khari Garris
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Yo yo yo, what it is, what it was, what's it gonna be? Welcome. Welcome to the latest episode of the Gen Expertise Podcast, episode 34. Oh, that's that Walter Payton. Actually, nah, we're New Yorkers, yo. That's Charles Oakley. That's Charles Oakley, so this episode is entitled Return of the Boom Bap and the Dual Parent Resurgence. Kind of. We are your host, Main and Rantz. Welcome, aka the podcast Marauders, yo. Give it up, give it up, give it up. What's good, my brother? Everything's good, man.
SPEAKER_01Happy Easter.
SPEAKER_00Happy Easter. Happy Easter to those who celebrate. Happy Resurrection Day to those who celebrate.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we're recording this on Easter Sunday.
SPEAKER_00Easter Sunday.
SPEAKER_01By the time you get this on Wednesday.
SPEAKER_00Yes. By the time you get this podcast, we'll be gone.
SPEAKER_01We'll be in an undisclosed location by the time you hear this.
SPEAKER_00I hope you had a good day hunting Easter eggs, eating chocolate bunnies. Eating peeps. And eating peeps and all those things. Peeps are kind of like what's the what's the Halloween candy that that we talked about? Oh yeah, peeps.
SPEAKER_01Peeps are the candy corn of Easter. Except that they don't taste as bad.
SPEAKER_00They got weird little black eye eyeballs.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. No, but they have all sorts of peeps. They got the um but you're right, they they do they do still have the little black eyeballs. They're odd looking, man. Because I was just thinking, like, they made bunnies instead of just a peep. You can get peep bunnies now. You can get all sorts of flavors. You can get chocolate covered peeps.
SPEAKER_00You can even get that chocolate chocolate less Cadbury eggs now, uh, apparently, since whatever they're using in in place of chocolate. It's not a hundred percent.
SPEAKER_01No, like, but I saw recently there's there's a video where they're using chocolate, but they're using some sort of lab-grown chocolate. So it's so it's still chocolate on like a cellular level, but but it's but it's Xerox machine chocolate. But it's not yeah, somehow it's not natural from a cacao pod. Like they're they're somehow recreating that that same cocoa, but but without the cacao. So it probably it's probably like a fraction of the time it takes to grow the cacao and harvest it and ship it and all that stuff. So yeah. If that makes anybody feel better, yeah. It's still cacao. It's still at a cellular level.
SPEAKER_00But it's made in a Xerox copy machine. So there you go.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, the same as the the um the lab-grown meat. At a cellular level, it's still the same technically, the same animal, technically, but it's like a you know a loophole is a loophole, bro. Yeah, I don't know what to make of this stuff, man.
SPEAKER_00To be honest with you, but um that's why I try to stick with the old reliable jelly beans, yo. But even those have all the dyes in the stomach.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like I was about to say, you stick in the jelly beans with the with the whatever is in it. Like what is it, what's in those blue? Of course they got blue raspberry. Is it gelatin's? Who knows?
SPEAKER_00It's probably not even gelatin anymore, yeah. It's just probably just straight melted down sugar in a hard coating. Hard plastic, edible plastic coating.
SPEAKER_01Some recycled, recycled tupperware.
SPEAKER_00Or the coat, the coating that they put on the fruit now, you know, that wax coating that they spray on the fruit, they probably just spray a hundred layers of the wax coat on the fruit so they can call it. But anyway, happy Easter to those.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, put that in your Easter basket.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So return of the Boom Bap and the dual parent resurgence. So the other day, maybe some of you might have seen it because it's been popping up along on Instagram and in social media how kids growing up in two-parent households has risen above 70% for the first time in over 30 years. So I got a little excited, and of course, when I get a little excited, I was like, yo, man, let's make a podcast about it. This is a show. But come to find out it was uh 30 years ago, but it's this was this stat was taken from the um it was taken the Census Bureau. I'm sorry. Brainfart. The Census Bureau, and it from it was from 2020, but it it it has shown that since 2023 it has risen to 71%.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00So I got a little happy about that until I saw the actual demographics. And then Jermaine had to uh actually show me the demographics, and uh so it's still good.
SPEAKER_01Well, it's it's still good, right? Like there's still like like just to to for for my my take on it, is that it's actually good, right? It's a positive it's going in a positive direction. But yes, when you when you told me about it, like we had the discussion, and at first I was kind of excited too, right? Because, you know, obviously we know the importance uh and or like the impact, I should say, yes, of growing up in a two-parent household. There's there's all sorts of benefits to that, um, that we'll get into in probably a little while. But but I was excited for that for that reason. And when I looked into it, it seemed like it was just like a very slight, a very slight increase. And then when you look on a longer um time span, there's actually been a decline overall. But then in the like you said, in in the in the most recent years, there's been a slight uptick, right? So it's still a reason to be happy because in general there's an uptick in that. Um, but overall, since like the 1960s or so, there's been a steady decline for a number of reasons, man. Like people are getting married later. Um, people are more focused on on their career aspirations. Some people are not getting married at all. Younger people are finding it harder to find um gainful employment after graduating from school. Um, so that's leading to delays and and and even creating a family or andor getting married. So there's all sorts of reasons why that number would stay kind of um still for a little while. But there but the slight uptick is still a reason to be kind of hopeful and positive about that because uh like I said, like we know the impact of growing up in a in a in a two a two-parent, yeah, two-parent household, right? Um so so yeah, but like like you said, like when I I was looking into it, and then it's it's like you said, like it's I think it was like 65% between 20 2022 and 2023, right? Um 65% of children lived in a household with two married parents. And then if you added another 5% for those that were living in a household with unmarried parents, right? Like, so that just means that maybe they're co-co they're cohabitating, they're not formally married, but both parents are still in the home, then that bumps it up, right? And then when you go to 2023 census data, then you get to like 71.1% since 1990, right? Um, so it's still it's still a reason to to kind of um to be hopeful, like I said. Like it's not exactly a reason to to throw a party or anything or to think that that there's a dramatic shift. Um, but it's still a reason to be kind of hopeful that more and more you know kids will grow up with with both their parents in the home. And and and that's not to say that that's always the ideal situation, depending on it. It all depends, right? Like all of these things depend on the circumstance, they depend on the people, and each situation is very subjective and and um and individual, right? So, so yeah. So that that's that's kind of my my take on the initial findings, right?
SPEAKER_00So, as two black males, our perspective is basically from the black male perspective. We can't speak for any of the demographic we can't so we're just speaking from the lens of Maine and Rats. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01The views brought to you by Maine and Reds don't necessarily represent the views of well, I guess it does represent Gen Equities Podcast as a whole. Can't can't put this just on it, can't even put this on anybody. We need we should add a guest on this one. So so whatever whatever controversial statement comes out of this, I'm complaining on the guests, but but next time.
SPEAKER_00I do have the the breakdown here, the demographic breakdown. Okay. So out of the overall 71%, how it breaks down is 81% Asian, 75% white, non-Hispanic, 60% Hispanic, and 38% black.
SPEAKER_01And so we're saying, just to kind of clarify a little bit, we're saying like out of so out of Asian households, 81% of them would be dual parent households.
SPEAKER_00Dual parent households, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then out of all the households with children that uh that are Hispanic, what's the percentage?
SPEAKER_00Hispanic uh 60.
SPEAKER_01So 60% of those households with children, they would be dual parent. And then what's the what's the percentage of then for white? 75%. 75%. And then for for black or African American, what what what was the percentage there? 38%. 38%. Yeah, interesting.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, 38%. Uh with and then it as of 2023 through 2025, it it rose to 42 to 44.6% for the black community, with 38% married, and I bel I believe between four and seven percent um not married but cohabitating.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So the numbers for us is kind of staggering.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00We need to bring bring uh black love again. We were just talking about Claudine and stuff, and then making it work. We're all about pop culture and stuff. We need to bring bring back like the Claudine movies, we need to bring back like the Love Jones movies, we need to bring back the Love and Basketball and the Brown Sugar movies, man. We need to bring back R and B and love songs. You know what I'm saying? We need to we need to attack this on all fronts, man.
SPEAKER_01Yeah one popular opinion. I I don't I don't I don't count love and basketball in that, and and and it's not really one of my favorite. Nah, I I I didn't really care for that movie too much. I I thought it was a little bit um I don't even know what the words are, but thought it was cheesy? Yeah, something like that. Like I just didn't like it was just like, come on, man. This it just made no sense. And I know, like I said, I know it's an unpopular opinion, man, but I I I didn't get it.
SPEAKER_00Like I said, like the part when they was hooping, and she was like, I'll play you one-on-one. She was like, for your heart.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna play you one-on-one for your heart. Yeah, and I and I know people love that movie. My wife loves the book. But that's how I felt when she said it. When I watched the book, I was like, oh man.
SPEAKER_00Get out of here with that. The thrasher on the basketball board.
SPEAKER_01It would just, yeah, not to get too far over on a tangent, but that that I I felt the same way. Like when he when he said, you know, like when he had that look on his face, like you said, like what? Like I felt the same thing. I'm like, this is ridiculous. But Love Jones. Yeah, Love Jones is really good.
SPEAKER_00Yo, I feel Love Jones is the perfect. If you want to take a time capsule and look at black love in the 90s, in the late 80s to 90s, that Love Jones is where it's at, son. Like, it's like I like Love Jones a lot.
SPEAKER_01Like Love Jones is a good one.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, man. It's it's like two people that really, really love each other, but they can't make it work, but they try to find a way to make it work.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's something, yeah, it's something realistic about it, and it's something like you know that resonates. But yeah, love and basketball.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, son. I guess that's for the hoopers, man. That's for the sports admin.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, maybe, man, maybe, but uh what if it was like love and football?
SPEAKER_00Like, or love and soccer, or love and yeah, but love and football doesn't really work because you need that you need the woman to be a uh the same sports player. So or I guess you can do love and football and have like American football and soccer. So she could be uh like a soccer player and then he could be a football player. Oh man, but it just doesn't have the right ring. The poster with them like kissing, with holding the basketball one hand.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, man, everything, everything about it, man. Like, look, like we need to. I could do a whole podcast about just that movie, man. From the poke from the poster to how it started. Like, it was just crazy, man. Yeah. Anyway. So nah, but shout out to Omar Epps and Sonal Latham. Like, those are two of my favorite, some of my favorite actors. They're in that mix of like my favorites, like my top ten, they're in there, you know? But nah, that was a yeah, that movie is good, man. Like I like the movie.
SPEAKER_00So we could agree on Love Jones, though, because Love Jones is a good one. And it had the banging soundtrack to it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, Love Jones is a classic, the soundtrack's good. It had a lot of like good um kind of surrounding cast in it, you know.
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01Bill Bellamy's in that joint. Like, yeah, Bill Belly.
SPEAKER_00That's right. Bill Bellamy is in it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it has like a a good mix of people in it. It it the the storyline is is pretty realistic and cool, you know.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So but anyway, we don't have movies like that either.
SPEAKER_01But anyway, yeah, to your point, um, we need more like love stories and stuff like that. But I mean, uh, but but we for we could probably point out a number of reasons why, right, that would you know, like this is a hardened because we're talking about the the numbers are the numbers, right? Like, so if they're saying that at a at a rate of 33% with uh children in the household that black people have 33% dual parent households, right? And that's over 38%, 38%. 38%, 38%, sorry. Yeah. I think the interesting thing to point out is that according to the CDC, there's kind of like contradicting information to that where it says that fathers, um, black fathers are probably the most involved overall um out of any demographic. At least when it comes to the day-to-day activities of the children, right? Like we're talking about bathing, mealtime, um, getting them dressed, paying, feeding to them at night and stuff like that. Black fathers have a tendency to be um more involved than other fathers, right? Like at least with those day-to-day activities, right? Um, at like a 70% rate. Um and then compared to like 60% of you know, white fathers and and about 45% Hispanic. So the data is kind of contradictory to me, but then if but if we have to, you know, gotta accept the numbers like that. But but there's a lot of reasoning behind, I think, why over the years um fathers might be absent from the household as well. And we could point to a lot of a lot of data around um like mass incarceration. Um because I don't know if you ever read have you ever read um Michelle Alexander's um The New Jim Crow?
SPEAKER_00I actually have, yes, I have.
SPEAKER_01So I don't have the exact numbers, but she talks a lot about the impacts of mass incarceration. And I think the even the subtitle I think is like mass incarceration in the age of colorblindness. But um, it talks a lot about the impacts not only on the individual that's being incarcerated, but but on the community at large and on the family structure, especially. Over the years, just anecdotally, like as a like you said, like I can only speak as a as a black man, right? Like, so growing up, there's kind of um the negative stereotype of the black father as missing from the home, right? And one of the things that I think is actually being left out of the conversation is stuff like mass incarceration and the overpolicing of a black, you know, like neighborhoods that may be predominantly having a black demographic as the predominant um, you know, number, right? So when you factor that in, according to Michelle Alexander's work, she's saying that it's not an exaggeration to say that that these people, and I'm paraphrasing this, but it's not an exaggeration to say that that black men were pretty much kidnapped from the neighborhood, right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So for for the same crimes that that other demographics may get a slap on the wrist, or they may get um parole or whatever the case may be, probation, black people were getting like, you know, disproportionate sentencing in terms of like time, time in jail. So when you do that, you're taking away the black male out of the community and you're incarcerating them for, you know, double-digit years and then asking where are the fathers, right? And that's not exactly. I don't see that factored in to these numbers sometimes. Like when you're whether you're talking about the the CDC or any other like data collection um agency. Like it factors in um stuff like education level, right? Like they may correct for for education level. Because when you when you look at the education level, the numbers start to rise for across all demographics. So when you talk about like college educated women, I think the number goes to like 80 80% or so of you know two of dual family, I mean, I'm sorry, dual parent households. And then the the number starts to drop off when you talk about like non-college educated women, right? Um and then when you correct for income, the the same thing happens, right? Like so my point in saying that is that when you add certain factors to data, because numbers could be, you know, numbers are the numbers, right? And I and I don't want to make I don't want to come off like like I'm making some sort of excuse or I'm I'm kind of defending anything, right?
SPEAKER_00Like, but what I'm saying is that those are the numbers, but when you think about it the same type, numbers can be fudged just by adding or subtracting certain certain criteria as well.
SPEAKER_01Right. That I I think that's what I'm trying to say. The same way you could correct for education level, the same way you can correct for income levels, you can correct for um I would say like external disruption, right? I don't know exactly like all the ways that you need to correct for that, but I think that people like Michelle Alexander would be folks that that would that could come with the data statistics, right? Like I'll they would be able to tell you, like, hey, in in this time period, and I wish I had done this type of research, because I didn't I didn't expect to to go there in terms of like our conversation, but when I'm thinking about it, you and I grew up in the 80s, and that's the peak of the war on drugs, right? Um So that's what what kind of leads me to think about this in terms of like when you look at the when you look at that number, right? The 33 or 38 percent, that's kind of a stark difference between black men or black families and and and their counterparts. It's a very stark difference, and and I'm always led to to wonder why or how do we get to this point, right? And I see things not only not as like single events or not as like single points in time, but as part of a more part of a continuum. Our presence here is is obviously uh a continuum of our our family to be prolific, like we say, like we are prolific. But seriously, like the everything that that that you see today is part of a continuum, and and it's not just an individual event, it's not it just an individual um point in time that exists in any any sort of vacuum. And that's why I'm saying like it's not an excuse, but so much like as a kind of a of me asking, how do we get to this point? And and I think over the years, if we look at it, there was a point at which the dual parent household would have been more prevalent years ago, right? And I feel like there's been a disruption in that, the same as any other disruption of of black people's progress or black people's kind of like mainstream participation, right? In in in in in any way, right? Whether it be in economic factors, whether it be in education. So you have to factor in, you have to factor in kind of external disruption, right? Um, because that, like I said, is going to impact the economic situation, it's gonna impact the education, it's gonna impact your ability to take advantage of opportunities, it's gonna it's and it's gonna also impact your likelihood of having like those successes. Relationships that lead to a traditional marriage or um traditional cohabitation, even. And and not to go into all the factors that that would lead to like kind of a war on drugs, and then you know, uh uh what seems like a another an external force actually flooding the community with with a substance and then arresting them for for using it or selling it or having anything to do with anybody that did.
SPEAKER_00Um disportional disproportionable amounts, as they would say, right? Yeah, it's like disproporate amounts.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like yeah, it's well d yeah, disproportionate, yeah, it's it's disproportionate.
SPEAKER_00That's the word I was looking for.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, I always give you the the Chat GPT correction of the word.
SPEAKER_00I just gotta throw the I just gotta throw the alley oop up to you, yo. And my mom brother's keeper, you know?
SPEAKER_01Yes, I am.
SPEAKER_00There you go.
SPEAKER_01But um, but yeah, I don't want to beat that to death, but but like what I was what I'm saying is that none of this stuff exists in a vacuum. And out of all demographics, and especially in the United States, you know, it's it's undeniable that a particular demographic has has been constantly kind of interrupted and disrupted over the years, and that would lead to kind of a difficulty in participating in kind of what you would call like mainstream, um mainstream tradition overall. Not whether it be marriage or you know, dual, dual parent household, whether it be like traditional um roles in the workforce, um, traditional kind of um paths in education. I feel like all of that is is um all of that is impacted when when when you get the type of disruption that that blacks, you know, that African Americans and and black people overall have have have experienced. Even with with all that said, right, there there is there's a certain amount of like responsibility and accountability that lies with you know with us as well, right? Where some of this is is is just a matter of of choice. Um so I don't know, man. Like I like it's this is it's it's a tough one. And then when you think about it, man, like I want to know, like you know, I would I would ask you, like, what do you like what's the so what, so to speak? Like, like what's the so what of it all in terms of like what you think of as like the impact? Like who cares if if if if both parents live in the household or not? You know, I'm and I'm just saying that as a like devil's advocate, like, you know, just hypothetically, so what, right? Like, what does that matter in the in the big scheme of things? You know, like some of the most successful people that we have in in the black community may have grown up in a one-parent household that even threw in like um you know, not only successful black people, but like even the most successful superheroes. I used to say, they lost their parents. They lost their parents. They lost their superman and they lost their parents early, and and the and the success like just took off from them.
SPEAKER_00When the woman's pop skipped out on a two, I think. Yeah, man.
SPEAKER_01Spider-Man, like just once we lost Uncle Ben, he was on his way, you know.
SPEAKER_00It was over. It was over for him, so he made the choice. Great power becomes great responsibility.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, man.
SPEAKER_00When I looked at the numbers, I was super excited, like I said earlier. I was super excited. Then when I looked at the breakdown, I was like, oh man, son, well, we have to be at the bottom.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I was just like, come on, man, 38%, we gotta do better than 38%.
SPEAKER_02Sure.
SPEAKER_00And and just just being like, we're blessed to come be two black men from dual parent households. You know what I'm saying? So shout out to the strong single parents out there that are that are doing their thing, that are raising these kids. So, you know, we can't necessarily speak from that perspective, but we can speak to the perspective of why we feel like it's an important thing. And and I saw out of the the Harvard Gazette, I read the Harvard Gazette. This might be a first.
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, kudos to you, because I've I've never I've never uh read the the Harvard Gazette.
SPEAKER_00So I'm saying so it says black children in two-parent homes have higher, I higher GPA, lower suspension rates, and a higher college graduation rates. You know, so on the flip side, and this is where we know both sides, we had higher GPAs, you know, we went to college, we didn't get suspended. I've never been suspended. Well, there you go. I've never been suspended.
SPEAKER_01Never been suspended. And and I can really attribute to having both my parents back home too. Yes, to having your mother kick me on my behind if I and your father. Yeah. I was afraid that both of them would kick me on my behind if I ever did get in that much trouble with that.
SPEAKER_00You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01There's no way I could go home and tell my parents I got suspended. Yeah. Both of them.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I might have been better off with one parent home if I got suspended.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but we also know some very, very, very successful people who grew up in a single parent home. It's all individually based. Like besides just the numbers are the numbers. Like Mae says the numbers are the numbers, and Lord knows we would love to get that 38% up.
SPEAKER_01Right. And and like you said, that's a that's a really good point. Because I never want to say anything to diminish like the work of like a single mom or single dad that's out there doing it, because there's all sorts of circumstances, man. There could be, there could be times where it's not just a choice where like it could be something where where one of the spouses passed away, or or the one parent is is passed away or something, or one parent just can't be there for some reason. Or like I said, there might be a situation where one parent is is like either incarcerated or you know, what whatever the case may be, right? Like we but like you said, like I the point is not to diminish any of that, right? Like I think that there's plenty of single parents that have done an excellent job. And you and I, like you said, we know like firsthand examples of of young men and women that have been raised by a single parent, and they're doing very well. Like their parents showed them nothing but love. And they they also had like and you know, at least in some cases, they had um kind of the the the supplement of other adults in their life besides just having a parent that that may have lived with them. If they didn't have a a parent that lived with them and they only have like one parent in the house, they did have like maybe aunts and uncles or even good family friends that came around. So I don't want to diminish any of that. Like like it takes a village to raise a child, like they say. Absolutely. And I think that a lot of people have had that village, you know, and in the cases where they didn't have quite a village, they had a really strong single parent um that was working their behind off to get them to where they needed to go, right? And and like I said, you and I know firsthand examples of those type of people. And that's not to say anything uh there's nothing disparaging about that, there's nothing to diminish that. Like I think that that's that's excellent too, right? But we're just saying, like, based on um based on like the our discovery that hey, the number had uh had ticked up and we thought like, oh, that's a good thing. And then when we look when we were kind of we were kind of hype about that and and excited, and then when you look deeper into it to know that the number actually is kind of a slight tick up, and over in a historical sense, like like I said, like since like the like 1960s, it's actually down overall, right? And there's a lot of reasons for that. I just want to kind of drive that point home is that like you know, for the single parents out there, and there's still single mothers out there, still single fathers out there, shout out to you, like you're doing an excellent job. Like if you're doing it, if you're doing that, then you know, keep keep doing what you're doing because you're you're you're needed. Um you're necessary, right? Like, so it's it's it's nothing to diminish that at all. This just so happens to be, you know, the discussion because of the fact that we the numbers kind of got us excited for for for people overall, where we think that that the impact of that is really significant. And to know that that's going up, it means like a positive uptick in other types of ways too, right? Like if we when we talk about education, when we talk about um income levels, all the factors that might lead to people being more willing to make that type of commitment, being uh being able to make that type of commitment where you can kind of have you know enough money to raise a family, enough enough um stability to to take that on, um, even marriage and the child, right? I think what comes to mind when we think of an uptick in the dual parent household is that all of those factors are improved.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And it just kind of bursts the balloon a little bit to find out that that number is just like a slight tick up. So that means that all the other factors that might lead to that type of stability or that type of um incentive, so if you will, um that those numbers are probably only ticked up a little bit.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And between um the years of 1968 and 2022, single parent single parent homes doubled. That's overall. Do you know what I'm saying? Which is crazy. Yeah, you know, it's it's crazy that that number that between the the years 1968 and 2020 that it single parent homes have doubled. It's staggering. When you when you think of it.
SPEAKER_01It definitely is, but like I said, like I I think that that number doesn't surprise me that much when you factor in. Like I said, like that data point is is one thing, right? But when you start to correct for a lot of other things that are happening, man, like like the cost of living has just gone up since then, right? Absolutely. Um the incarceration rates, you know, unfortunately, there's more citizens in jail from from then to now, that number's probably double, right? Um when you think about yeah, when you think about all that stuff, man, like inflation, the you know, cost of living, um all those things kind of factor in, right?
SPEAKER_00Education level recession, the Great Recession of 2007 and 2009, College Reading and One, they were saying that uh that helped on both sides. It helped and hurt on both sides. So it hurt because if we're losing money and keeping that, it it kind of broke some homes up. And that it helped because it put some it put some people together, meaning like, yo, we have to really we have to really stick together to make this work. Because that's very interesting. Yeah, because it's like 200,000. They have they said as an average is uh the average is about $213,000 to raise one child up until the age of 17.
SPEAKER_01That's interesting, man, that that you say that because that's something I've thought about too, right? Like where on one hand, um, you know, the lack of of like a a really high or steady income, um, lack of education may discourage some folks from taking on something like getting married or even having a child, right? But then on the other hand, that may be the incentive for people to get together and kind of stay together because of the fact that living on your own is so so hard. It's so tough. Because so you need to have like a two-income household, right, in order to make it these days, right? That's a that's an interesting one, man. Because I've thought about that before, how people need to get together. Because when you when you think about that, um married couples are just you know, just by the sheer numbers, they're gonna do bet a little better economically if if both of them are working, um, if both of them are educated. So I guess that's why when you correct for that, you do get an uptick in the number as well, right? Because there's gonna be a lot of people that factor in, like, hey, if I'm working and my wife is working, then we can make this work, right? You know, but yeah, that's that's an interesting data point, man. Um, because I'm sure there's there's there's people that had to had to give it a second thought too. Yes, when when you when you're ready, if you were about ready to break up, when you do the numbers, I'm sure there's some people that are like, wait a minute.
SPEAKER_00It makes more sense mathematically to pay for a counselor, a marriage counselor, than to just to be separate.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, when you think about it, yeah. I'm sure that some people looked at the numbers and were like, hey, let's let's see if we can make this one.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's really not that bad. We can walk through this.
SPEAKER_01Let's give it a try. Still love each other, right?
SPEAKER_00We still love each other. You know? Let's not break this lease.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, let's not be hasty.
SPEAKER_00Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. All of a sudden, flowers and candy are popping up again. Motivation is where you find it, bro. You want to find that spark? You want to find that spark of your marriage? Look at your tax return.
SPEAKER_01Sometimes you gotta rekindle things based on the tax returns.
SPEAKER_00That's right, man.
SPEAKER_01You gotta make it do the monthly budget and wait a minute, you know, you wanna get that spark back. Let's go over the budget real quick.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, man. Let's go over the budget. Like, look, if it wasn't for dual parents, like we might not even be, we might not been able to go to a private school. You know what I'm saying? Like it took both of our parents.
SPEAKER_01We might not. We we would not.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we took both of our parents, yo.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, there's no way like putting in a lot, putting in that work for us. Yeah, shout out to them for standing together. Cause it's if it wasn't for that, yeah. I don't know where I'd be if if my parents had had split up, nothing, nothing would have been affordable. Like no, nothing that they did for me would have been affordable. Yeah. I would have been, yeah, I would have been a rapper. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00It would have been I would have had the we would have started podcasts a lot earlier in our careers.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, maybe, man. Like we didn't have podcasts. I think we'd have we'd have had to rap first.
SPEAKER_00We'd have had to get into Yeah, we'd have been battle rappers.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah, we'd had to find some other way. Like it would have had to be some unorthodox way to get it, you know. So yeah, shout out to them for that.
SPEAKER_00Shout out to them. And at the same token, we did go to school with a lot, with a with with some with some guys who who grew up in a single parent home and they were there right with us. Yeah, exactly. Like exactly. So shout out to them.
SPEAKER_01That they did a great job. So maybe, yeah, I don't even, yeah, I don't even know what to say about that. Because but but uh except for the reiterate that a lot of single parents are doing a great job and they're working, they're working hard, they're working doubly hard sometimes to make sure their kids have everything they need. So so yeah, I don't yeah, I would never diminish or or or say anything, you know, against that, but I just know in my house, like it, like those two two incomes were were needed at all times.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. They they they had to be there, bro. It's always a blessing. You know what I'm saying? Like when you look back on it, because personally I feel that you need both parents. You know what I'm saying? You need both parents in your life. Even if, you know what, even if you don't have both parents right there in the household, you do need both parents in your life. Because it takes it takes a man to raise a man, but it takes a woman to show that man how to have compassion, how to have empathy. That's my personal opinion. You know what I mean? And it takes a woman to raise a daughter, but it takes a man to show her an example of what a good man is supposed to be for the future, and vice versa. It takes a woman to show her son what a good woman is. So I think it's so important to have a to come to have both parents in your life at the very least. But if you can have them under the same roof, I believe that, you know, your prospects rise exponentially.
SPEAKER_01Right. And and and that's a that's an interesting point too. That that's actually a really good point in that that not living in the same household is not exactly that doesn't mean that the parents are not involved either. So I I think that's not an assumption you want to make um or or that that I want to make at all, right? Like because that's another thing we should come to.
SPEAKER_00That 38% doesn't mean that it's a dead beat on one side or the other. So you know, it's just the numbers.
SPEAKER_01But that's an important thing to factor in, right? Because that 38%, like I said, the same way like kind of a disruption or interruption doesn't factor into these numbers. I don't think the number of dads that are like not living in the household but still heavily involved is always factored in, right? Because there's all sorts of circumstances why like the the numbers won't bear that out. But I feel like there's there's parents that are not living in the home, but are very active in their children's lives, right? So shout out to them too, because I I know that there's mothers and and fathers that may not live in the same house with their child, but they're they're active in in all their activities, they're active in even their day-to-day stuff, like where they come over on a regular basis. They're down for like the meal times and for the little kids for the the bathing time and the reading time and the school visits and all that stuff like that. Only a text message or a phone call away. You know what I'm saying? Right, exactly. Like they'll pop up whenever they need to be in their regular presence without even being texted or called, right? Like so, so yeah, I just want to factor that in too, because the 38% doesn't really do justice to that either, right? Because I I've known people firsthand where they didn't live with it with their child, and I've known people whose fathers didn't live with them or mothers didn't live with them, but they were active in their lives.
SPEAKER_00When you just lay the numbers straight down on the table, it doesn't always tell you the full story of what's exactly going on.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you gotta be careful about how you look at numbers and and what what how you interpret those things is important.
SPEAKER_00I know in my house, my mother hand out most of the the punishments and like Oh that's interesting. I'm afraid of my pops, man. My father, to the best of my knowledge, and that's probably because he knocked amnesia into me. My I only remember my father like one time I talked back to my father, and I remember him. I must have been like nine years old, man. And he kind of just blindsided me and like rolled me down the rolled me down the hallway, man. One hit, boom. And that was like the only time I I tested my father. So he only like really laid hands, laid hands on me like one time, and it was enough, man. Like I know.
SPEAKER_01Remember, like a yeah, same here. Like, I remember getting a few. I should never say a few. I I can only remember like twice that my father really had to lay into me, and and both times were justified. But other than that, like I tried to stay on the straight and narrow for that reason, I think. Or at least that was one of the reasons, right? And to be honest with you, it wasn't like like I say that jokingly sometimes, like, oh well, my father, you know, I was afraid it wasn't exactly that. I just I almost didn't want to disappoint my parents either.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like I was one of those type of kids where like I just didn't want them to have to worry about what I was doing, right? Like, I I honestly, man, because in those in that time period, man, like we're talking about like the 80s and 90s, early 90s, like so I was trying to make sure that they didn't have me to worry about, right? Um, I was trying to do good at school, trying to stay out of trouble as much as I could. Like, even you know, we were outside a lot. You know, we talked about that, like you know, kids say, Oh, I'm outside, I'm outside. But back then there was no choice but to be outside. Like you you were outside whether you whether you liked it or not when we were kids. Um you you were outside sometimes when you when you might have wanted to be home. You still were outside. Like, damn. You were not allowed, you were not. There might have been some times you're like, Dad, why not come outside?
SPEAKER_00What you what you doing in the house? I I was just I was just nah. What did you do with in the house? Nah, I was just, you know, you know, I was just actually just leaving back out. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. But yeah, go ahead.
SPEAKER_00Um, Malcolm Jamal Warner had a good quote. Um R Peter Michael Malcolm Jamal Warner. We talked about him in our very first episode, but he had a very good quote where I saw, and I'm like paraphrasing, paraphrasing this uh where he said that being a good parent isn't about always like hard disciplining your child, like through corporal punishment or spankings, whatever, but it's just making your child go out in the world loving you so much as a parent that they want to do anything that work last thing they want to do is disappoint you. You know what I'm saying? Like to know that they let you down. Like to to when you know there's nothing that disappointed me more when one of my if one of my parents looked at me and like I'm really disappointed in you.
SPEAKER_01Right. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, I'd rather you beat me than than just say that. Like, yeah, right. And and and that's that's kind of that's kind of where I was I was coming from as a kid, to be honest with you. Like I just didn't, I didn't want my parents to have to worry about me. I didn't want them to be disappointed. I was really trying to make them proud, you know. Like I, you know, and I know it sounds a little cheesy, but but that was kind of a lot of my motivation. It wasn't so much out of fear, because I know, you know, my pops would beat my behind if something if I did something that warranted that, right? So my mother might slap me up if if it warranted it, right? Like if I did something, you know, that that that she felt like like rose to that level. But it was very rare. But I remember it was probably more rare because I was trying to stay just doing the right thing most of the time, even as a kid. Like I was really trying to do the right thing most of the time. And like, and um, and like you said, like I I've heard I've heard that that Maver Jamal Warner quote before. Actually, I I think it's on his um I don't know if you ever heard he has an album, right? And I think it's a lot of like spoken word on the album. It's like a poetry album, right? And in in between, and yeah, I highly recommend this too. Like, I think it's it's still on iTunes, it has to be on iTunes. But if you guys go to iTunes, there's a Malcolm Jamal Warner album where it's um, I forget the name of it. I we'll we can look it up, but um, it's spoken word poetry, right? And it I think it has beats on it. Like, you know, I think there's music in it, but there are interludes where he's just talking, um, almost as if he's he's answering questions in an interview. And that's where he he he says that quote that you did you that you just said. Like I'm I would I would only be able to paraphrase it anyway, but yeah, um, but yeah, but you got the gist of it, right? Like you you to you captured the essence of it, which is you know, you gotta love a black child or a black a black boy so much that he he doesn't want to disappoint you, right? Like he goes out in the world just with that on his mind, like that he doesn't want to disappoint you. So he he he behaves accordingly, right? Um and you could do that without punishment, without yelling, without, without all that, you know, without the threat. Um, you do it with with love. That's a really good point, because that I feel like a lot of us went out into the world with that, right? Like, and and I think for for you know, we we talk about how we grew up, and and part of our growing up was our little crew, our high school friends, right? And I feel like one of the the factors that that we all had in common was that we kind of went out into the world as kind of like the I don't know how to say this without it sounding cheesy or corny or like a Marvel movie or something, but it almost felt like we were the ones that our parents kind of sent, like sent out into the world to to you know that the we would have bet, you know, like this is the like I'm the this is the one I'm I'm gonna bet on. And I think you know, this one I'm gonna put all my chips on this. Because at the time, like going to Ford and Press. Yeah, it was like a it was like kind of a ridiculous amount of money to pay for our school. It was kind of a a a a Hail Mary like to send us to a school like that and and just hey, like we're all from from the Bronx, like we're all from from like, you know, kind of the neighborhood kids. Yeah, and I think there was a closeness that developed between certain ones of us, like more so than others, because of the fact that some of us were like just those neighborhood kids that our parents were kind of betting on, so to speak. And I don't want to I don't mean I don't want to sound like like they they're like waiting for us to bring some money back or something, but but but we were an investment that they were willing to make, like and say, like, hey, I'm gonna put it all on the line for this kid, because I think they're gonna do well out there in the world, and and I'm I'm putting them out there, right? Right. I know it sounds kind of, you know, I know it sounds kind of corny. It sounds like a gladiator film or something. But when I think about all of us, like all of the closest-knit crew out of that, you know, and there was a lot of us when I think about it, um it seemed like each each one of us had that as a as like our common, that was a common factor, a common denominator, was that we were the one that our parents threw out there, like, hey, this is what I'm betting on. Like, go out there and make make something good happen.
SPEAKER_00I always, I always felt no matter what I was gonna be, I had to be something. Do you know what I'm saying? Like I didn't I may not have been what my parents visioned, envisioned of me being, but I always was like, yo, I gotta do, I gotta be something. I gotta always do something to make them make them proud of me, to make them want to say. I always wanted them to say, that's my boy. You know what I'm saying? Like it didn't matter what line of work I went to, went into, it didn't matter how much schooling I had. I always just wanted them to both to be like that's my boy. And I always make decisions with both of their voices in my head. You know? Right. And uh, like I said, what I you know, my mother was judge, jury, and executioner boy. You know what I'm saying? And and sometimes you you you need that with the Malcolm Jamal saying you gotta tell them that you love them so much. My mother's answer to that, response to that sometimes would probably be, well, you know, sometimes love hurts. Yeah, I feel you, man.
SPEAKER_01Like I hey, but whatever.
SPEAKER_00It was just it was enough to just keep me, to keep me in line. You know what I'm saying? And my father was always there, like, yo, what'd your mother say? You know what I'm saying? That's why it's important to have both of those presents around. Because there's no, yo, so there's nowhere to run, there's nowhere to hide. But you know there's nowhere to run and there's nowhere to hide. Yeah, you know, it doesn't matter. So, yo, but what did your mother say? Uh-oh, man. You know, and you look at you looking over there and they may like console you, may console you, put their arm around you and be like, Yeah, but you know you shouldn't have done that, right? So shout out to my parents, man. It's tough love is scared straight, but it was just love. It was just love. You understand it's not easy out here. They drilled respect. They drilled, I learned my respect, how to respect people from watching my parents. I've learned my work ethic from my parents. A lot of things that I've learned from seeing both of my parents at the same time. I have two, two, two um examples constantly every day that I can look at that I can that I can see where it's like, okay, I have one that's constantly here, then one that's maybe jumping in here and there, or maybe one that I only see from a couple of days at a time. It's a little different because um you might the the the one uh example that you see may become your dominant example for what you see, and you need both sides, you know? The yin and yang yang, so to speak. Yeah, you know, I mean, like you've talked about your father, like it's they're funny stories, but it's your father like super glue in your shoes, bro. You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_01So is a reason that that I had to become a sneakerhead. Like if I if if I had a therapist years and years ago, I could have like you know, pinpointed that moment to when I started buying too many pairs of sneakers.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, man. Yeah, and we're and both of our fathers are from the south. So we have, you know, we grew up with the when I was had when I had bare feet and walked five miles of school. Like we we really learned how to appreciate these stories. Yo, you know, side note, like Maine's father, he tells me the funniest story about the the mules or the donkeys coming in, coming in from work for the end of the day when the donkeys would just come back in into work and they didn't care whether whether you wanted them to work or not. You know, he would always he told me that story like four times. Every time I saw him, he told me that story.
SPEAKER_01Tell you again if you're seeing you soon.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but um tell the same stories. You know, so um, but we grew up with an example of of hard living. You know what I'm saying? Like our parents, uh to a certain extent, they really got it out the mud.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I mean, we talk about that like people say that as a like a kind of a cool thing to say, but when you think about it, like our parents really lived like with you know the bare minimum sometimes, right? Like, like really, really meager, you know what I'm saying? Like it wasn't premium accommodations back when they were growing up there. So yeah, but to your point, man, like one of the the good things, and I I feel like the positive impact was definitely having like kind of that balance, right? Because it was I I do talk about those funny stories, and and they're funny now, but but when you look back on it, those are things that having both my parents in the house, I wouldn't have had those experiences or or I might or it might have just been a different outcome than somebody fixing my shoe, you know, or or somebody patching my pants or whatever the case may be. Like, um there was just and and like I said, like even beyond that, there's sort of a balance that was happening in my house that that I you know I value very much. I think what single parents are doing is incredible. I think it's it's doubly hard what they're doing. Oh my gosh, yes. And I think that that the like I said, like the the village that that surrounds children, like even ourselves, like we had a village at at some point that helped. But yeah, the village that surrounds single parents is incredible as well. And I think it leads to like positive outcomes a lot of the time. It's just that like out of my personal experience, I I have to really, you know, I thank God for like the balance that was in my household. I thank God that both my parents were there sometimes, and sometimes to even kind of um to kind of temper each other. Like, because you never know, like like you know, my mother, you know, she might think one way, and then my father would be there to kind of like be like, whoa, whoa, let's let's think about this, or it's or vice versa. You know, sometimes my father might be thinking one way, and that might have saved my behind too. Because I took, you know, I laugh about it. I had a healthy fear of my, like, I'd say all this stuff about love and respect, but I had a healthy fear of my father. Like, there were some things where I would I would think twice and be like, oh, my father beat my behind if I if I get into this type of trouble. So to a to a large extent, it was because of like love and respect, and I didn't want to disappoint them, but I still had that healthy fear that my father's gonna, he's gonna beat my behind if if if I do something too too out of line, right? Yeah, and um, but the thing is like sometimes it might have saved me from that behind whipping or whatever, because my mother was there, or vice versa, because my father was there to to be like kind of like, hey, come here, let's talk, or whatever the case may be. Or don't worry about it. I'll talk to you. I got it. Sometimes they buffer, yeah, exactly. Sometimes they buffer and they temper each other, like when when and they have the help right there in real time. Sometimes you never know. That might be saving you from from a lot, a lot of more heartache than you know, right? Um so so yeah, that's um that's an excellent point, man. Like I I I thank goodness that they were there, man. Like I, you know, I'm sure that that alone they would have they would have helped out, you know, just as much. It would have probably they would have made sure that they had a positive.
SPEAKER_02They would have made it happen.
SPEAKER_01They would have made it happen, but I'm glad that they had each other to to help each, you know, to help out, you know.
SPEAKER_00So and you know, one of the things that you we talked about, like a village. One of the things that's that's kind of discerning to me is the fact that now this is even with like our friends who grew up in single-parent homes. You literally really did have a village of people who looked out for you. Like, especially if you was a latchkey kid, you had somebody in your building who was across the hall that looked out for you. Um, I know I had neighbors that if no one was home, if I came home and no one was there when I was young, young, they would like just go to Mrs. Such and Such's house. And there was a trust there. There was a community, there's not a lot of community in general. And this is, you know what, and this goes all down the line. There's just not like there's not a the village ain't what it used to be, so to speak. You know what I mean? So especially shout out to those single parents because there's a lot of you out there that you're really, really doing it on your own. Like you don't have a neighbor that you know, or you everybody kind of like mind their own business now and they they look and they they they see something but they don't say anything and they turn the blind eye a blind eye because they don't want to get involved. Like people really got involved with with us back in the day. Like I I still I still have fond memories of my babysitter, you you know what I mean? Like and and um she was at my high school graduation, so we had this very strong social group. Um so if you had a single parent family but your best friend came from a dual parent home, you might be over there all the time, you know. So you do have that male that male father figure, um that default male father father figure in your life, and vice versa. You know, so oh shout out to those men, the what is it, the four to seven percent of of uh black men who are single parents raising their children on their own? Single, I think it's four to seven percent. You know, so shout out to you guys. Always shout out, yeah, always shout out to the black mothers, always shout out to y'all, man. You know what I mean? Y'all are the backbone, but shout out to those fathers too that are doing it out there on your own. I think it's even tougher now to be a single parent. Mine not even considering all the just the social economic economics aspect of it all, but it's just the village ain't the village. Like it what they say, family ain't family no more. Like the neighborhood used to be family, and it's a it's a very different look that it that it used to be.
SPEAKER_01Right, yeah, yeah, I would agree with that. And and there's probably like a lot of factors we could talk about um on why that is, right? Like there's kind of a a breakdown and like the trust of the community. There's and then all the other factors, like you said, like the socioeconomic factors also of impact that too. Like that that community breakdown has a lot to do with like you know, economics, it has a lot to do with education, it has a lot to do with people's kind of in the sense of individuality over like group dynamics. Um Yeah. So yeah, it's yeah, you're right, man. I got I don't I don't know, like that that's a it's a sad fact.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's a sad fact, but there are a lot of ad there are a lot of things that go into this um these percentages. But I still would I still would like us to get those numbers up.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well even with all that said, like it it would be. It would be positive, like and I think a step in a positive direction. Like what like what like we said, with all of the the positive impacts that a dual parent household can have, it would still be nice to see those numbers come up, regardless of of any external or internal factors that might be preventing that. Like all if all those factors could get would would improve, then I think there would be an uptick overall in in the in the dual parent household is is kind of like my takeaway from that. Yeah um and and it's not it's not to say that anybody's situation is good or bad, but I feel like there are positive impacts that that just percentage-wise are gonna lead to an upswing and an uptick in in that number, right?
SPEAKER_00So Yeah, because programs are getting cut. That's another thing. We didn't even get into that. How programs are getting cut.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, all sorts of things are happening.
SPEAKER_00You know, all sorts of things that are that are happening where uh like I grew I played Little League, I played all types of sports growing up as a kid. So I had a lot of um besides my father, I had a lot of male figures in my life if I needed one, you know, from cultures and and things of that nature. So so there's not there's not a lot of places for kids to to kids to go anymore to find that that father figure or that mother figure. Um I was in the Cub Scouts and all of and we had all den mothers, like uh they were all women running our Cub Scouts when I was when I was coming up. So um we went camping, it was all women. We didn't have a male in sight for as a as a scout leader for us when I was in Cub Scouts as a little kid. So these things are all it's all important to see to see both sides of the coin. It's very important.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00I also feel that coming from a a dual parent household, that I do have a certain advantage when it comes to certain in certain areas, you know. Like um, I have feel that sometimes I have a little bit more confidence. I feel like this is just personal, that's not me saying I have more confidence than somebody else. But I just feel like I just have a little bit more confidence because I had two people always rooting me on that was in my corner constantly. Um so I think that's a that's a big big factor. I always have somebody that to come to to talk to. I get I get a male perspective and I get a female perspective at all times on anything. Also, us personally seeing that and growing up with it, I feel like it was I feel it was very important for me to be married. You know? Um and to have my kids to have this experience. So you kind of like I wouldn't say pay it forward, but you know, you are what you see, so to speak. You know, so I really I really always wanted to be married. I always really wanted to have a wife and have my children uh in a home with me and their mother, you know, and I never wanted to be that father that uh I was a weekend dad, or I had to go to court and I had to fight for rights and things of that make that nature. I was just like, that might be why I waited so long to get married. Because I was like, yo, I gotta make it work. I got married as an old man. So, you know, I I just wanted to really make sure that I found the right person. So it was really important for me seeing that. You know, I I grew up with my parents. I grew up with my grandparents on my mother's side. I saw, I saw these things. I had my aunts and uncles, they were married, you know, majority of them were married. So I I saw all these things, and it's just like a continuum, like you said.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and and that's a good point. And and to a certain extent, I think that um, you know, some folks will emulate the positive example. Where, like you're saying, like you're you wanted to emulate the example that you saw growing up. But on the flip side of that, like I know quite a few people that I grew up with that didn't grow up in a dual-parent household that wanted to be married for the opposite reason, right? Like they wanted to kind of um, you know, like black people always say, like, we're breaking generational curses, you know, like trying to we kind of use that um as a as a as a saying in general about whether it comes to economics or or family dynamics, whatever the case may be. Um, a lot of times we'll say that, right? But I know quite a few people that they didn't grow up with with both their parents in the household, and that kind of motivated them to make sure that when they found the right person, that they settled down and that they got married and that they had a family in a traditional sense because they wanted to be different than what they, you know, what they grew up experiencing, right? So I said, you know, I could kind of, you know, at least from a from an observer's point of view, I could see kind of how both both results could could could um could pan out, right? Because you're right, like you want to emulate those positive examples, but some people are kind of um seeing what they don't want as they're growing up or or or some of the the circumstances that that would may have may have impacted them negatively, and they decided that they didn't want their child to go through that same thing. So they so they were very intentional about one, who you know, the selection, you know, of who they're gonna pick to get married, um the timing and and whatever, you know, whatever other circumstances go into it, they were really intentional about that, and then really intentional about the fact that they wanted to um to have a a traditional family and be kind of real-time, um full-time, you know, in the household, right? So so yeah, I'd I I I can see both sides of how how that can shape you, right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, turn a positive into a positive, continue a positive, and turn a negative into a positive. You know what I'm saying? When you look at the both those both aspects of of that. You know, you got anything else to add? I think we're done.
SPEAKER_01Well, now that we're no actually I I don't, man. Like I I think it's um it's it's a good conversation. It's it's kind of a a tough one in in a way. Yeah. Because like I said, like the numbers are are very like jarring at first, but then when you when you dig a little deep into it, there's there's kind of more nuance all the time to the to these types of things, right? And I think that's one of the takeaways too. Like when you see um statistics and data, um, it's very necessary that that you ask yourself, like, one, how did we get here? How do we come to this conclusion? And then what are all the factors that may have led to this number? Um, and then um what are we leaving out? You know, like what's what's what are we not saying when we say these raw numbers out like this, right? Because um, you know, they could be misleading to a certain extent, right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. The numbers are the numbers and the facts are the facts, but they don't always tell the full story.
SPEAKER_01Right, exactly, exactly. There's always there's always more to it than than the than what you're seeing on the surface. So so yeah, that that that's one of my takeaways as well.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. But on the real tutor, we really need to bring back those black love movies, yo.
SPEAKER_01Well, that goes without saying. Even if the numbers were up, I want to see I want to see.
SPEAKER_00We need those back, son. Yeah, I want to see more.
SPEAKER_01I want to see Love Jones too.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, son. We need to see that. We need to see the those too.
SPEAKER_01I want to see Lorenz and Neil Long and Love Jones too.
SPEAKER_00And some RB back, man. We need some classic RB. We need some classic RB. Yo, son, you know, you know my pet peeve, man.
SPEAKER_01I know you used to say, like, I don't like cursing in my RB like that. I don't like cursing in my RB, son.
SPEAKER_02You know that's so funny, man.
SPEAKER_01Lately, I've been like when I on my way to work, sometimes if like some, you know, sometimes me and my wife driving together, like in you know, town or whatever, but if I'm by myself in the car, I've been listening to lately um 80s hits.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_01Like I just, you know, I and iTunes, you could just get a whole playlist of of 80s um RB hits, right? So I'm listening to the music, I'm like, wow, this is a really different vibe than and of course everything evolves and everything gets a little more advanced, and everything kind of like goes with the times. But I'm like, wow, these songs were really about love and and um, you know, some of the songs got freaky or whatever, but but it was it felt like there was more of a good time being like, you know, or or it was songs where where men were really like begging or or like really, really like you know, I mean, getting on one knee, you know, like really pouring their heart out. It was a big difference, and even when I think about like like if you don't even have to go back too far, like it like you could go into the early 80s, right? But even when you when you bring it back, when you bring it up to more recent, like in the 90s and stuff like that, like I was listening to even like Joe D.
SPEAKER_00Oh, the Jodice Joy, the Diary of a Batman?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, even those songs, man. Like one song, like you remember that song with it in the with the video with it in the in the desert, in the desert with the leather on the bad man and the hot leather in the desert. She's like, it's been an hour since you've been gone. Like, that's too long, so come back home. Yeah, like she's been gone one hour. She went to Costco and you got on a leather and the desert.
SPEAKER_00With your boys.
SPEAKER_01When all your boys you got to call all your boys, like, oh man, she's gone. She's been gone for a whole hour.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, son. That's too long, so come back home, yo. You know what I'm saying? Cry for you. Isn't this song Cry for You? I think the nigga said, Yeah, that's the Cry for You song.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, this is the first time. This lady was shopping and he he went out into the desert with leather horn.
SPEAKER_00Yo, and we were good with it because they were wearing leather. So it looked like, yo, you know, he's crying about his woman. He wants it back. Yo, he's wearing leather in the leather in the desert, son. That's gangsters. One hour, son. One hour. He called his three boys. It was like, yo, she's been gone for hours, son. I don't know what to do. They was like, yo, let's have a meeting. Yeah, let's go meet in the desert, son. Yo, mine too. I think they're all together. Yo, let's go have a meeting of the minds about this. Tell me how you feel, bro. Tell me how you feel. You know, so you know, we need to get back to that.
SPEAKER_01Nah, shout out to Jodice. I'm not joking around, but yeah, the point is the music back then had more like love and feel into it than I feel like.
SPEAKER_00It was like, let's not be too tough. Let's not be too, I'm not too tough to tell you I love you.
SPEAKER_01You can still find that to a certain extent, but you have to kind of search a little bit more for it. Like the more the more popular songs are more about partying or how much money you have, or get in my car, and I'm gonna take you back to the house, and this is what we're gonna do. Yeah, it's like step by step. That's all good. It's more like like you said it too. You were like, it's more like rap songs, but like put to RB music sometimes.
SPEAKER_00RB music, son. Yeah, I do not like cursing in my RBs, son. Yeah, it's it feels like somebody's singing. That old smooth groove back.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it feels like they're just singing rap songs now. Um yeah.
SPEAKER_00So And we need to start another thing. This is a quit ranch rant. We need to stop acting like we need to stop acting like we don't need each other too. Because somewhere down the line, like we have the females on one side and the males on one side, and we're acting like too tough to get together. We need to stop acting like we don't need each other, like I don't need a man and I don't need a woman. Because we need each other. So that's the ranch rant, yo.
SPEAKER_01Make love great again. See this look on my face? This is the look that says, hey, I thought we weren't gonna go there on these podcasts. Let's start talking about the the gender wars and like nah. I thought we weren't gonna be that podcast, but no, no, I'm I'm I'm joking. I'm joking. Nah, nah. Next, we're gonna be talking about dates at um at Cheesecake Factory. And it is G is Cheesecake Factory an acceptable date for the first date?
SPEAKER_00Tune in next on the Jen Expertise Show.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, but how much should a man make before he should he starts dating? Should a man make six figures before he expects? No, I'm just I'm just missing.
SPEAKER_00We just play it, but really we're not going there. We're not going there. But but we both are in agreement that you know what I'm saying, we need to be together, yo.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, absolutely. It it goes without saying it's obvious. Like, I guess, yeah, just to reiterate their point, the point, like I'm I'm I'm joking around a few minutes ago, but a second ago, but but yeah, it's obvious, man. Like men and women need each other, like find love and try to hold on to it if you find it, right? Like that's that's my real takeaway, man. Like, if you find love, hold on to it and hold it tight and do what you can to to preserve it and and honor it and all that stuff, because it's only gonna lead to positive outcomes if you do, right? So black love, all love, you know.
SPEAKER_00That's right.
SPEAKER_01All love is not you know, never, you know, never mind.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, never mind.
SPEAKER_01No way, never mind. So yeah, love each other.
SPEAKER_00Love each other. Peace be on to you. Peace be onto you. This concludes our latest episode of the Gen Expertise Podcast. Shout out to our now day 34s, our day ones, and everybody in between. And as usual, and as always, shout out to our day one, day one. Absolutely. That's right. And you know what, man? Since we are prolific. That's right, my man, the most enthusiastic man in the game. Since we are prolific, we will be here same gen next time, same gen next place, next week. And we'll see you then for episode thirty-five. We got another good one for you. But until then, power to the podcast.
SPEAKER_01Power to the podcast.
SPEAKER_00Peace.