Ep 42: "Father Knows Best"

In this episode we explore the vital role fathers play in shaping strong families and healthy communities. From providing guidance, support, and stability to serving as role models for future generations, we discuss the lasting impact engaged fathers have on the emotional, educational, and social development of their children. Join us as we examine the challenges, rewards, and importance of fatherhood in today’s world.

Intro and Outro by Erin Garris and Khari Garris 

Transcript

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Yo, yo, yo, what it is, what it was. What's it gonna be? Welcome. Welcome to the latest episode of the Gen Expertise Podcast, episode 42. Oh, uh, Father Knows Best. Call me Zone God, sorry. We are your host, switching up on you. We are your host, Maiden Rance, aka a tribe called Dad. Absolutely. Elizabeth. So, how you doing, my brother? I'm good, man. How about yourself? I'm good, man. I'm good. So we got a big we got a big announcement, kind of, sort of. We are doing our first monthly series. We were recording on the last day of May, but when this comes out, it would be June. And June will officially be the month of man. Month of man month for the Gen Expertise Podcast because June is officially men's health month. And I just found that out last year. So in honor of men. Is it men's is it men's health month? Is it men's health month or men's mental health month? Which which is it? Because I'm I'm So I saw two versions, but I saw men's mental health, and then I saw a men's health because it's like overall health, all types of men's health, but maybe a subsection of men's mental health. But either way, June is men's health month. So this is the first episode of our month of the man series here at the gym. Yeah, so you're right. I just I just looked it up, and when you look up June is men's health month. Yes it says it says both, right? Like so it says mental health month and men's health month. Yeah. So I don't know. I'm conflicted about that. Should we get just one month for both our mental health? No, I don't know. I'm just I'm just getting that. Like so But it's kind of like the Black History Month thing. Like we get one I don't know. It feels like somewhere we're getting jipped out of uh out of a month. I don't I don't know. But we do they at least they did do it for Father's Day month. They just combined all of our stuff. It's Father's Day coming up, men's mental health, overall health month. Yeah, so so so everything goes into the same month? I'd think so. Yeah, we're getting gypped. I'm now I'm sure of it. That's like the ultimate BOGO, son. When you think about it, you got Father's Day, men's mental health month, and then men's health month. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we're getting gypped. That's like when you're when you're that's like when your birthday is too close to Christmas. So you don't you don't get celebrate, you don't get to celebrate both. Yeah, yeah. People just double up. Yeah, people just double it up. Yeah, that's what it sounds like. But that's all right. That's what we'll be talking about this month. Today's episode, Fathers No Bet Fathers Know Best, and we'll be talking about, you know, fatherhood, male mentorship, the importance of the male parental figure, the importance of the male mentors, big brothers, and such and things of that nature. But also, I have to say something else. Because at the time of our last episode, episode 41, we were taping the Knicks were busy sweeping the Cleveland Cavaliers. Yeah, congratulations to the Knicks for making it to the finals. So, congratulations to the New York Knicks for making it to the NBA Finals for the first time in 27 years. 27 years since 1999. Yeah, where we also played the San Antonio Spurs. Hopefully, history will not repeat itself. Absolutely. And I'm going on the record again to saying that if we win, if the New York Knicks win this championship, I've been waiting all my life for this, man. I would probably what's your plan to celebrate? Like, what do you or what do you think is gonna happen, rather? Like, that's the more interesting question. Because I feel like you ever seen Escape from New York? Remember the movie Escape from New York? Yeah, with Kurt Russell with Snake Pliskin. Yes. Yeah. Escape from New York. New York is gonna be absurd, yo. If we win, New York is gonna be absurd. Did you see any of the video or any of the footage um after after they won the Eastern Conference? Yes. That was pretty crazy. Like outside the garden. It was crazy. Like people were standing on that awning, like that says Madison Square Garden. People, I don't know how they got on top of that thing. Yo, I don't know how they did it. But they were up there with brooms. There was people coming outside the restaurants, giving out free food. Yo, the dude giving out the little pastries, right? Yeah, he was giving out the but he was he was giving out the little baklava. They baklava. They were snatching your broom from you, son. They were snatching the broom from anybody out there. Anything that looked like a broom they were snatching. New York was was it was insane, bro. Insane. So I can't even imagine what it's gonna be like if they actually win the chip. Oh my gosh. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry live on this show. I can't even front. Y'all gonna hear me cry. And if you watch it, just make sure you stay home. Just make sure you're not out there in the street when it happens. Yo, I want to go out there, man. I want to go to the parade. Remember when me and you went to um we were in Times Square one time for New Year's Eve. Yeah, it was freezing at night. Yeah, it was freezing. But do you remember how crazy people were? This is pre-9-11 New York, right? Like, so it was insane. I could only imagine that it would be something like that, like something close to that type of insanity, like that New Year's Eve energy, like pre-9-11 New Year's Eve energy. Man, listen. 27 years? We've been starving for we are we we've been starving for 50 years because they haven't even won since we were before we were born. So it's gonna be absurd, yo. Shout out to my cousin, too, who I saw, I saw my cousin on on the gram when they were just scanning through all the people going crazy. So my cousin out there for a hot second, just losing his mind out there in the streets by the garden, man. So shout out to you, bro. I saw you, man. And if you're hearing this, I'm not gonna say your name. So because I don't know if you were supposed to be at work that night or not, but I saw you, B. You know who you are, and I saw you. I saw you. Protect his name. Yes, yes, you never know. So shout out to my family, shout out to my family. But man, listen, man, it's gonna be orange and blue skies, baby. Orange and blue skies. They're gonna tear the city up, man. If they win. And then I have a feeling like what happens to like I you know what? I'm not gonna bring up this scenario because I was thinking like of the you know, the other scenario, like where, you know, they're in the garden, but it doesn't go the way we the way we want it to. Oh, you know what? The San Antonio Spurs probably don't want to win in the gardens. Yeah, I wouldn't have to go. If it comes to that, which which I hope it doesn't, let's fingers crossed. I really want this chip for the city, for me. Um, but it'll it'll be a tough goal, man. It'll be a tough goal for them to get out, get out of town, son. You know, out of town, out of the locker room. You know, it'll be tough. You know, you you've seen people like shaking buses and buses shaking side. It'll be it'll be crazy, man. It'll be crazy. But I hope it doesn't come to that and they won't have that problem because hopefully. No, of course, yeah, of course, of course. Of course. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. We gotta talk about that, man. Good vibes only. Go next, go New York next. You'll probably start seeing up some Nick paraphernalia popping up here and there on uh You know I'm gonna get on that bandwagon. You know, man, you know, man, there's about to be some penance. Yeah, some pennants up behind him. You know what I'm saying? It's gonna go from the hat to the sweatshirt. You know, I gotta switch up. I have heart orange and blue um earbuds, headphones on while he's recorded. It's gonna be crazy, man. But go next, go next, you know. Absolutely. You know, so father knows best. I got a question for you. Off the top of your head, you've recalled some some funny moments with your father. But what would you say is one of your favorite moments with your father? If you could pick one or two favorite moments with your dad. So, I probably told this story before, but like my one of my favorite memories, I guess, and at the time it wasn't my favorite, but when when I look back on it, I think about like what it took for him to do this. Um, and it's just this is just one thing, and it and it pops up off the top of my head. My father used to work for transit, he used to be in the token booth, right? And every once in a while, like if I if I wasn't in school, he would make me come with him and sit with him in the token booth. Right? Oh and at the time as a little kid, like I and I'm I'm trying to think back of how old I must have been, then I I I must have been like maybe like no no more than like seven or eight years old when he was doing it. So you picture an eight-year-old sitting in one of those token booths instead of going to school. Um in the 80s. So, so so when you when you picture that, that it's not the most fun, right? Like, so I you know, I would probably have a little book or something or some game or toy I was playing with. But he would bring me there. And at the time, it wasn't really my favorite place to be. But um when I think back on it in retrospect, that is one of my favorite memories because it it kind of showed he was really proud of me. You know what I mean? Like he was proud to have his son with him at work. Like he he he wanted it was like, you know, it wasn't bring your kid to work day because they didn't have that in the transit. But but I could tell he had that type of um that feeling having me there. Like he felt good about it. Like he felt good about me being there to watch him do his thing. Um, you know, the way he was interacting with people kind of was something I I really remember like that was the first time I got a sense of my father's personality, like outside of the home, really. Like I didn't before that I I never gave it much thought as to like how he interacts with with other people, right? Like, so I just remember him being like real personable. He was really funny. He had regular, you know, of course, like you're in New York City, so you got regular customers that are coming through every single day um on their way to work and on their way back. So I got this sense that he was like a part of the community, man. Just like he's you know, like I as a kid, I'm thinking, oh, he's stuck in this booth and now I'm stuck here with him. But when I look back on it, I was really witnessing is that my father was part of the community. You know, we in the Bronx, um, and he's a staple right there, you know, for that for his time period where he's there. People know him. People stop and talk to him. Um, he would be like telling people, oh, my son is with me today. And and at the time I remember being kind of a little bit embarrassed, a little bit like annoyed by that. But thinking back on it, that's one of my favorite memories, man. Just every once in a while he would bring me if I didn't have school, he would bring me with him to work, and I would just sit there and kind of like, you know, watch him work. Yeah. Um, but yeah, that that was that that was that that it took for me to become an adult to really appreciate that, to be honest with you. Yeah. And it's something about when your father, like, when he introduces you to somebody and he'd be like, yo, this is my son. Yeah, yeah. And every time he would do that, people be like, Oh, you look just like your dad. And like, and I used to be like, Come on, man. It's it's it was just so so annoying. Or or like sometimes when you meet people, they'd be like, Oh, I remember when you were this big, or remember I remember when you were a baby. Do you remember me when I when I and I'm like, how could I remember you? Yes. I try not to do that to people. Like, you know, they like we got friends that we've known their, you know, we've known their kids since they were babies. I get it now. Now that now that we're older, I get that temptation to be like, oh man, you you grew you grew up, and I remember when you were this big, and remember when you were a baby and you you like it. It's like 14 now? You gotta be 14. Do you know how like dogs? I'm I'm 25 and I'm uh uh I got my own place. But but now I get it. Like that that that instinct almost to tell the kid that's that you remember them from when they were a baby and to ask them if they remember. It's like a rite of passage or something. Because I find myself thinking about it, but now I catch myself and I'm like, ah, don't do that. It's it's yeah, you did you remember how that felt. Don't do that. Yeah, like hey, you remember me? I don't remember. I don't you don't remember me. I remember who you were trying to pinch your cheeks and stuff. Trying to pinch an adult's cheeks? Yeah, man. Trying to pinch an adult's cheeks. Like, what are you what are you what are you what are you like 30 now? Oh my gosh. Like, you don't see these gray hairs in my bitch. Do I look 30? I'm 50. I'm I'm 50 years old, married with three kids. Like, yeah, it's been that man, how time flies. Yeah, it does. Yeah, because that because that's the funny thing. People will still do that to you, to us, like like if they don't see us for for a long time. Yeah. Like, where you got where you get all them gray hairs from? Yeah, okay. Yeah. Same place you got yours when you were 50. Yeah. My father was who introduced me to sports. So mine is kind of like two parts. I remember, um, I'm a big sports fanatic. So I remember watching my father um watch basketball games, watch baseball games, watch tennis matches. And the funny thing is, my father has never really participated in sports like that. So that I knew of. Then when I got older, I felt I found out like he was on the diving team and he did he he did like play sports here and there. But when we had um, we had a father-son night, freshman year of high school, and it was a like father-son night. And I and at first you're like, oh man, I don't want to, you know, you think you you you like 14, 13, 14. You're like, I mean, you know, I don't want to bring my father, but I was like, yo, I want to bring my father, and and it was like basketball, and they had games, and then they gave out soda and some snacks and stuff, and I remember they had the basketball and my father picking up the basketball, and I'm just shooting around, and I'm like, my father, you know, I never seen my father play no basketball or anything. He probably can't play no basketball. And we were like running the table out there, bro. We were like killing everybody. My pops had the Steph Curry going. He had the Steph Curry Curry going, man. He was one of our other friends was like, Ranch, you didn't tell me that your father can play ball. And I was like, I didn't know my father can play ball. You know, he was That's funny, man. Yo, he had the Steph Curry going, son. And we was just running the table on dudes. We was running the two on twos, and I remember coming home and we were riding the bus. We were riding the bus home together, and I remember peeking over, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're proud. Like, you're real proud. Yeah. Yeah. And my father's tall too. So I was like, yo, he can hoop. My pops can really hoop. And he was saying because he worked at a hospital, he would work, he would play with at with some of the people at the hospital sometimes on his lunch break, and he would just shoot around. But yo, my pops had the had the Steph Curry sent. That's funny So that was that was like what you know you know what for some reason when it when when you're telling the story, I'm picturing um Leon in Above the Rim. Yes! Just showing up in his in his regular street clothes, just throw a jersey over his street clothes and just start killing everybody, just shooting through the lights out. You know, he hit the first jump shot, and I was like, oh, all right, all right, dad, all right. Then he hit another one, and we was like, yo, y'all wanna play, y'all wanna play like two on two? And I was like, yo, I don't know, like my pops, you know, and he was like, Yeah, yeah, all right. And I looked like, oh, okay, yeah. Son, game over, game over. So that's my shout out to you, Pops, with the Steph Curry 89. The Steph Curry in 89, son. Isn't your Pop's originally from North Carolina too? Yeah, he's from North Carolina. So yeah, Steph is from North Carolina too. You know, he's from the NC, man. So these are just two like some uh throwback memories for being made, and we're gonna talk about just the importance of male figures, as I said, role models, father figures, older brothers, whatever. Just as how important it is to have a male in your life. And um, I have a few stats to start off with. Let's have it. I got a few start-off stats. Let's do it. Let's do it. All right, so I got this from the Pew Research Center. 85% of fathers view parenting as one of the most important aspects of their personal identity. I got another one. Involved fathers reduce the likelihood of juvenile detention, delinquency, and less likely to experience legal trouble, the child. And children with engaged fathers are 43% more likely to earn A's and 30 33% less likely to repeat a grade. That was an interesting fact. It is interesting, and it makes me think of our own father and how like his presence kind of had that positive impact. But I feel like it was because I was afraid of getting my mind beat if I got in trouble, if I didn't do well in school, or if I found myself in legal trouble. Like I I feel like there would be consequences because of the fact that he's in the house. I don't know if it was fear, respect, or a mix of both. Or D, all of the above. But yeah, I mean, those are I mean, those are interesting stats, and I'm I'm making light of it, but really like I think what you're what you're touching on, um, it speaks to um not not just like a fear factor. If you know a good father's gonna provide discipline and there's gonna be consequences for a child, and they and and a good father's gonna let a child know that there's consequences for for like your negative behavior or whatever the case may be, right? But it's also like stability, right? Like that that um that sense of of of kind of like your hierarchy of needs being met, right? Like that knowing that somebody cares about you. Um if you're in a two-parent household, like you it tends to have a little more kind of stability. If if you're in a a two a two-parent household and it's two incomes, that's gonna provide you with a little more sense of safety, a little more stability. Um so I feel like all of that plays a a role because you're gonna do better in school if you can focus on school. You're gonna do better out out there in your interactions if you're able to focus, right? Like if you're able to make decisions um based on on clear thinking, not on the fact that you're you're hungry or you're sad or you're lonely or you're angry or whatever the case may be, right? Like so I feel like there's kind of an overlap there of kind of positive, um, kind of like a positive cycle that gets started. Um when if you have your father, especially if you have if you have both parents in the house, um, there's like a a a safety that you have that allows you room to to think. Yeah. Make making good decisions at at the end of the day. And also like your father, if you've had a father who's been through some things, like I have a quick, a quick story. I just thought of this story of or just thought of this. So I remember one time I was late coming home from school. Right? I had stayed after school too late, and now and then and I was like, yo, I'm dead. I was like, yo, I'm dead. You know, so I cooked up this story on my way home about getting into this fight. So I stood, I stood in front of our house for like 15 minutes, like hyping myself up and making these faces, like, oh yeah, I'm mad, I'm mad, I'm mad, I'm this, I'm that. I come in the house and my father, of course, like, boy, where you been? Like, what time, you know what time it is? Were you supposed to be home? And I like storm past him, like, I'm gonna kill him, Dad. I'ma kill him, I'm gonna kill him. I was like, yo, oh man, I got into a fight after school, man, and oh, that's why I'm late, you know, and I storm past him as fast as I can, and I go to my room in the back. So I'm sitting back there and I'm like, yo, I think it worked, you know? I said, I think it worked. Like 10, 15 minutes go by and my father comes comes to the door, right? And he's like, he's like, listen, boy, I want you to tell me the truth. And you know, when he when they tell you, like, I want you to tell me the truth, it's really knowing like I know you're lying. Yeah, opportunity. He's giving you one chance. He's giving you your one chance, son. He's like, yo, there may be a part in here for you if you tell the truth. So he's like, tell me the truth, man. Why was you late? I was like, nah, I was, you know, I was with such and such. And he was like, All right, he stopped me, cut me, cut me off, like, all right, let me stop this, but let me stop him now. I have to lay waste, you know. He's like, Listen, man, I know you're lying. He's like, I want you to tell me for real, like, where were you? And I was like, Well, I I, you know, I stopped over and I was playing video games. I lost track of time before I knew it. It was too late, and you know, and I was and and I was coming. And you know, this is a time without cell phones and tracking and all that. So you can be out and your parents, you you're an hour late. No idea. Yeah, they have no idea. So I I I like came clean, so and I came clean like J. Ruby. And he was just like, he was like, yo, I knew you was lying when you came in here. He said, because when I was your age, I did the same thing. Like I basically like made up the same excuse. He said, You didn't get in no fight. He was like, tell the truth, you didn't get in no fight. And I was like, nah, I I nah daddy. I daddy, you know, that's when you'd be like, Daddy, nah, daddy, I didn't get it too. I didn't get into a fight. And and I'm looking at his hands. Oh the whole time, I'm like looking at his hands while he's talking. And he's like, Look, don't ever, if you're late, tell me you late. You know, just tell the truth, man. You're gonna get into more trouble if you don't tell the truth and I find out. Right. Um, than if you just come clean and tell me the truth. You know, you you you know, take the take the chances with the truth, basically. Take the chances with telling the truth. And and I I kind of got off that day only because he thought it was the funniest thing. It was almost like the 15 minutes that I was waiting in the back was probably him, like sitting in the living room laughing, shaking his head, like, yo, I can't believe, I can't believe like this boy's gonna run up in here and lie. Yeah, he probably thought you were still in. He probably he probably will he probably was laughing at you for sure. He was absolutely he was laughing at me. So that's one of the reasons why you need a male role figure. I mean, you know, he was I was scared, man. I thought it was game over for me, man. You know, I thought it was game over. That story is funny because when I think about it, man, like now that I'm a parent for you know for some years now, I'm thinking like, what would I want my child to do? And I would want them to just immediately just tell me the truth. Like immediately. Like, right? Like, so you know, that whole story about you making making up a story about about a fight and all that stuff. I would probably laugh at my son too if he did that. Like if he gets to the age where he's out and he comes in and he storms past, like pretending I will probably laugh at first too. But I would probably have the same conversation, man. Like, like take your chances with the truth, because um, that's always gonna be a better outcome. And I and and I always want my kids to have a sense that they can tell me the truth. Even if even if they feel like they're gonna get some sort of punishment, right? Like I, you know, in times of change, man, like I it's not gonna be like corporal punishment unless it's something really, really, you know, it I don't know what would have to happen for that to be the case, right? But but I would want them to always feel comfortable and safe telling me the truth, right? So that's important, man. But like you said, like it's it's it's a father also has that that experience too. It's not just about the fear factor. Yeah. You know, they're imparting on you like experience, right? Because, you know, they've been a boy before. Your father's been through similar situations as a young man, as a boy, and he kind of he could relate to you in a in a way that that is important, you know. So he can impart wisdom to you based on his experience, right? So that's another reason why I think it's important. Yeah, and you know, if you if you run home and you like tell your mother that, the first thing she wants to know is, are you okay? What happened? Who you know what I mean? How's my baby? You know what it is. You might get, yeah, you know what I mean? It might be, you know. Yeah, it might get it might get past her. Like, oh, are you okay? Are you hurt? Do I need to get the peroxide or the or the or the robotussin out the medicine cabinet for you? What you mean? You know what you the tussing? She gotta get the testing out of the city. Don't know about who's touching my baby? Who's who who was it, you know? Um, but your pops is like, yo, come on, son. Yeah. This is me you're talking to, man. There's no remorse here, son. Other than the fact, like, if you really got in a fight, did you win? You know what I'm saying? Like it was Yeah. My father only wanted to know is did you fight back, actually? Like he would always be like, did you like if I if he heard I got into something with somebody, better fought back. That was his thing. Yeah, man. Don't let anybody push you around. So you know the one. So that's the point of having male figures. And then I had older brothers too. Um and you So you probably seen this, he probably seen this show before, too. Like, here we go again. Yeah, he's in the I can't believe it. Got another liar on my hands. Another liar. Got an actor on my hands. An actor. Uh-huh. Yeah, let's try to hone these skills to something positive. What do you say about that, champ? You know, like you're storytelling. Send you to acting school. Yeah, storytelling might be a thing. How about we go, we get you a book, and you can write a story instead of instead of maybe we can work this. Let's let's turn this into a positive thing. And I also saw that you're 80% less likely to spend time in jail as well. Yeah. With a father and a male, a male role model in your life. Father figure type. Yeah, and and and I I and I think that's the same, you know, as I was saying, like before, I think there's a lot of reasons for that, right? Like the stability that might be in the home, that maybe a little bit of that fear factor. Because I know that that kind that kind of kept me on the straight and narrow, man. Like that fear factor. As well as like, we had talked about this before, but um just a desire to like make sure that my parents were kind of proud of me and never had a reason to be anything but like, you know, like I would I would feel bad if they were in any way like embarrassed or or ashamed because of something I did. Um, so I really, really tried to make sure that that that was never the case, at least as much as I could. Like, you know, everybody's gonna make mistakes and everybody gets into their their problems as I I did, but like, but I tried to make sure that it was you know, at a minimum. Make sure that that was a rare case. I got another question for you. What would you say is the best advice that you got from your father? One or two things. The best advice that I ever got from my father. Yeah, um Wow, this is this is this is a tough one, man. I don't I don't know, man. Like my so I because I I know this sounds like, oh well, you can't think of advice that your father gave you because I feel like my father was a good one. For the record, though, hold on. For the record, I am putting you on the spot because you know we're like on the spot type podcast. So we're gonna have to do that. Right, right. I can't really think of of one like a piece of advice exactly. Um, but could but it was just constant like training for situations, man. Like if I got into a situation where I'm facing like a bully at school or somebody that wants to fight, like he would always be like, you know, as long as you fight back, that's all I ask. Don't let anybody push you around, don't let anybody bully you. Um, you know, that's how you're gonna gain gain kind of respect, you know. Um, and that's for better or worse, right? Like, so you gotta remember like the times, and and I know people might be thinking, like, oh, well, your dad's encouraging you to fight. Like, it's not that. It's just that where we grew up, sometimes there's no choice but to but to fight, right? Like, and stand up for yourself. Yeah, and and it and if you don't fight, you you might find yourself in a situation where you become like like the the target of of bullying on a regular basis. The times were different where there was no like anti-bullying campaigns in school and and and the people, you know, the the the teachers and stuff, they weren't as vigilant as they are now to make sure that kids weren't being bullied in school. So one of the things that the parents have to had to tell their kids is like, listen, you're gonna have to defend yourself, right? Um there was no helicopter parents, there was nothing like that. Like for the for the hours that you're at school, the expectation is that you do your best and that you protect yourself at all times because you're pretty much on your own um during those hours. So I wouldn't say that I I can't say that that's a piece of advice exactly, but that's one of the things that he instilled that that I don't let myself be bullied, right? Um So that's the one thing I I could think of. My father's he's told me so many things, but it feels like they all been like kind of situational, and it's always been like a constant kind of guiding and training and um kind of correction if I when I needed it. But I was trying to think of of I can't think of like like a phrase that he said that I that that I could remember exactly or or like something it's it hasn't been like that TV show like type of thing, like where I'm like, oh, I always remember my dad told me to do this. Like to the theme music. Yeah, yeah, it was just it was just like a like a kind of a continuous kind of training and correction. If I needed some some sort of like, you know, to have a talk, we'd have the talk, right? But um, and then of course there's kind of like those those kind of talks that all fathers have with their kids, man, about like sadly enough, man, how to interact, like if you get stopped by the police, type of thing, right? Like, so as a black man, the percentage chance is higher that your interactions with the police are gonna lead to some negative outcome, right? So there was times where he talked to me and said, Hey, if this ever happens, like if you're in a car, if you're driving and you happen to get pulled over, he told me all the protocol of what to do, like just make it make it home, basically. Like do everything, anything you can to make sure that the that officer feels safe and that and that you're not, you know, you make yourself as much as you can, you know, obvious that you're not a threat. Yeah. Follow, follow directions as much as you can and make it home, right? Survive the encounter. So whatever the situation was, he would, he would be training, and he would always be like, he would always be there to correct me, right? If I was wrong. Yeah. Stuff like that. But but I can't think of any like, there's no like one phrase that sticks out, like, you know, like always cross the street when there's a a light in the like I can't I can't think of like I done been your age, boy. You ain't never won't be mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't I can't I can't think of any like catchphrase or catchy thing that he used to say or anything like that. Um you know, but it was always like a constant, like, you know, nudging me in the right direction type of type of talk. My father was like a he would tell me stories. It's not anything like specific, like a like you said, a catchphrase, anything, but I remember him telling me a story of when he was younger and he had gotten in trouble. He got in trouble a few times, actually, you know, and my grandfather uh was sitting there with him and he kind of looked at my grandfather trying to look for some um some sympathy or some pity. Um, and he kind of was like, Why is these things always happening to me? And my far grandfather looked at him and told him, like, why not? Why not you? Like, you basically you ain't never no better than anybody else. Why wouldn't something happen to you? Consequences kind of happen to you like it would anybody else who have made these decisions. So he never he didn't like necessarily, he kind of told a story to me and gave me a lesson through a story where now anytime like I'm I'm I'm down or I'm in a rough patch or things aren't going my way. I never feel like I never I always hear that why not story in my mind where it's like why wouldn't you be experience hard times now? Like you know better than anybody else. Like somebody's experiencing hard times too. What makes you so special? You're not the chosen one, you're not the golden child, where nothing bad can happen to you at all. Excuse me. So that was one of the um like one of the things that he said to me that is always stuck in my mind, no matter how bad things have gotten for me. It's kinda like, it's my turn now. And then and if it's my and um if it's my responsibil if I'm responsible for it, then it's like, yo, why wouldn't it happen to you if you bring these things upon yourself? So that would be some of the best advice that he's ever given me. And he's also given me advice about um just uh not judging people. He never looked at anybody and and judged them for what he thought they were, so to speak. You know, like you always got a clean slate with him. It no matter what anybody else said, you had it he had to see it for himself before he just like threw a label on somebody. Sure. So those are like a good way to be able to do that. That's a good way to be. Yeah, like like you said, like like and and that makes sense. More through osmosis. Yeah, like like exactly. Like just by being around my father, like, you know, his his example was sometimes enough to to give me the lesson or the or that was enough. That that was kind of like in lieu of advice, he just moved a certain way. Um, he interacted with people in a certain way. And my observation would would be kind of the the advice. And don't get me wrong, there was a lot of times me and my father had a lot of talks about a lot of different things, but it was all kind of situational and it was all kind of like in in the moment talks, but I but nothing like stands out because it because it was just like overall, like I said, like just nudging me in the right direction on a regular, you know, regular basis, right? Like so I can't really think of that one that one piece of advice exactly. Um because I was always kind of observing and always trying to like do things that would just that that would make that wouldn't make life harder for my parents. I can't I can't say that would make things easier, but I would say like I didn't want to make things any any harder for them. Like so I feel like our relationship was such that I was really, really trying my best to um to just do the right thing. Sometimes as as I knew it from his perspective would would be the right thing, right? Um him and my mother for that matter, right? Yeah. And then as you get older, now that we are fathers ourselves, you realize like how difficult of a job it is. Because you know, you're also like responsible for what they call like the three P's. You ever heard of the three Ps? What's that? No. The provider, protector, and the be present. Ah, okay. You know, I never heard it said that way. Yeah, I never I never heard it that way. Yeah. So when you realize how much every day that you have to be looked upon, like you're the you're the backbone sometimes of the family. You know, you're the one, you're the provider. You you're looked upon to bring home the uh the money, to to be that strong parental figure, to be the one that they can come to, that everybody can lean on, the one to be stoic, the one not to be too emotional, but just show just enough emotion, sure. Um, you know, to be relatable, um, and then the to be a protector is is it's funny because every time you go outside and sometimes you can't even really enjoy yourself because you're always on sentry mode. You ever been like just on sentry mode? Yeah, everybody's out to eat, and I'm looking at the exits, and I'm looking at the people at the table here, and I'm just like, all right, if something goes down, how are we gonna get out of here? Or yeah, um, like I'm looking three cars up or or two cars to the left, or just the the street lighter and and trying to keep track of everybody around me while everybody else did to make sure that they're just having the time of their lives and they're oblivious to what's what's going on. Yeah, that's something yeah, sometimes it it it feels that way, right? Like I I don't know what other people are thinking in those moments, but like there there are times when I feel like I'm extra vigilant, you know, like and maybe I'm not not really enjoying the moment as much as everybody else. Yeah. And I I wouldn't trade that, right? Like, but but like you said, like like sometimes it it is a different energy, right? Like and it and it it takes like um it takes a different type of um toll on you sometimes where you're where you're not gonna have as much fun. You can't just relax, right? Like you can't turn it off because you're kind of hyper-vigilant because your kids are around, right? Like and you just you're watching them. Like you said, you're watching everybody around you. You're making sure that that there's no, you know, you're like looking for the like like we said, um I was talking to somebody this weekend about the proverbial tiger in the bush. And um it's just something about like our primitive nature is to like always be looking for danger or looking for something wrong, just in case, because our brains are always trying to protect us. But as a parent, your brains are not only trying to protect you as an individual, but you're trying to protect your your family and your your little tribe, right? So you're always looking for the proverbial tiger in the bush. Yeah. And you're ready for you know, your fight or flight response is always like just a a flip of a switch. We were on the train, and there was a uh there was a guy act just bugging out on the train, and I must have gone through they well, he wasn't even like super close to us, but he was close enough. Like moving down, and I must have gone through like 30 scenarios in my mind of what I'm gonna do. If if like if he does this, or if he does that, or if he does this, or if he does that, or if he does this, if he does that. You know, so that that's the thing, the provider, the protector, and then just to be present, like that's very important because just like your father bringing you to work with him and you being there in his presence, you get to see how important he is to the community, like the job that he does. You know, what people's how people see him, how people react to him. Um, just him taking the time and we like we're going to the father-son night at high at our high school, our freshman year, and just to see a different side of him, because you know, you just used to your father going to work and coming home, like we'll throw the ball around, but you don't get to see him kind of like in another role. Yeah, it's almost like you don't see your parents as like human beings sometimes. You just see them. I saw my father like as just my father. I didn't know that he was a person, if that makes sense, right? Like he's out there in the world and he's something different to depending on who you ask. He's gonna be something different to to other people, right? And I and as a kid, you don't really realize that. You don't realize that your parents are are human beings. Um, they have flaws, they have characteristics that that um, you know, that people and make people interact with them in a different way. That's definitely something that that that kind of opened my eyes as a kid, like to watch my father in in his workplace and the way people would interact with him. Uh because I really didn't consider him anything but my father, you know. And then you know, once he goes out, it's like he disappears. Is he? Once he goes to work, he's just gone. Or once I'm at school, like they, you know, I don't know what my parents are doing, they're just gone, right? Yeah. Um out of sight, out of mind in a way. But um, but yeah, like you, you know, it's it's it's important to to to remember that too, because you can relate to it now um a lot better now that now that you're a father, right? Like so. Just want to be around your kids' life. And my father, uh, he was a city worker as well, and he worked for the uh hospital and he was a nurse's aide on a psych ward. Well, you know, yeah. So he he was the guy that that put the patients in the rubber room, so to speak, and stuff. And he he he kept the order if anybody got you know out of line or anybody, you know, you're talking about people who aren't in their right mind. True. And I remember he had gone this long stretch of working. I don't know if he remembers this, but after you hear this, he'll probably tell me if he did. But I remember coming to and asking him, like, why do you have to work? Like, why do you have to keep working? Like he worked these double shifts. Sure. You know, he had to cover these shifts, and he was covering for someone else. And I remember him sitting down and telling me, you know that I work with such and such and such and such and such and such. I was like, Yeah. He was like, Now, imagine if your mother worked on the psych ward. And he said, and somebody that was supposed to be protecting everybody wasn't there. He said, Wouldn't you want your mother to be protected by someone? And I was like, Oh, and never I never thought about it like that. So I just want my father here with me, you know, because I haven't seen him in a couple of days because it was just like in passing, you know. And I that that hit me. That hit me because then I began to think outside of just my household and how big of a um a job he had, not only protecting us, but also protecting other people's families as well, and protecting people from themselves as an aide on a on a side ward. So, you know, that was that was that was that was something, man. I guess that was a lesson too. That was a lesson for osmosis as well. Yeah, it's it's it's absolutely important that you see your parents in a in a different context. It's definitely important. Something you touched on too, man. Just uh before I forget, man, like you just touched on something about like, you know, when you were talking about your father and his own father, and and him telling them, like, hey, why not you? And it reminds me of like, and you mentioned it too, real quick, about the stoic nature of of or the stoic uh kind of characteristic of being a dad, right? The expectation is that you be stoic when it's necessary. And that is definitely like an example of of stoicism, right? Like where if something bad is happening, you think to yourself, why not me? Right? Like instead of thinking, why me, you think, why not me? And I and I think sometimes the tendency is when things are going well. You don't really ask, like, why is this going so well for me? You know, some people maybe question every good thing too, right? But for I I think the high percentage of us, if something good, you're just happy that it's going good and you just kind of take it for what it is what it is. You don't look a gift horse in the mouth, so to speak, right? But when something's going bad, that's when the tendency is to be like, oh, well, why me? Why is this happening to me? And then but stoicism, you know, if you study anything about stoicism, it would kind of guide you in the direction of why not me, right? And just if it's something that you can't control, then let it, you know, let it pass, or or just, you know, wait for it, you know, and it'll pass eventually. The same as a good thing will pass, right? Everything passes, right? Like the good times pass and the bad times pass. Yep. The train keeps rolling, bro. Yeah. So so when you think about it that way, that that's definitely like, you know, your grandfather was giving, like, you know, in his way, he's giving out like stoic teachings. Yeah, definitely bars. Like, but it's definitely like these, these, these um examples of stoicism appear in different forms and in different situations, but they're all kind of the same idea, right? Like that you control what you can control, and everything else, you accept and you just do what you can do, right? Like you you you can only control but so much, and everything else is not worth worrying about too much or questioning too much, right? And that's just that it feels like that's what your grandfather's important. Like, hey, why not you? And you know, man up and and and don't get me wrong, like I know that that hearing like that man up type of attitude about it is not always the good thing because we it like as we talk about men's mental health, the expectation that men always be stoic and men always kind of take things in stride and don't complain and don't ask why. I mean, I feel like a little too much of that could lead to to distress and and and you know like a trauma response. But but I feel like to a certain extent, I mean, it could be healthy and and but too much of it could definitely lead to to some issues. But I guess with all that said, like every man should have a person that they that they they can trust to talk to about a situation or to go to and ask why. So I guess the the good part about that is that your father could at least go to go to his own father and be like, hey, why me? And at least they can have that conversation, right? Like even if even if your grandfather's response is why not you, at least it's somebody, hey, they give you some something, like some a sounding board, it's sometimes enough, right? Yes, and it and maybe maybe the perspective is what he needed at the time. And it and it creates it creates like a a a long lineage and legacy of like men being around as well. You know, like if if your father knows his father, you know your father, you know your father's father, you know what I mean? In some cases, you know your father's father's father. It's it's like pay it forward. You think that example, you you think that like the example of having your dad around, it makes you kind of like motivated to follow that, follow your footsteps and and keep passing that down. Yeah, if he's providing a good example, sometimes you know that's an interesting thing you you bring up. And um I think we had talked about this before too, because we're from a generation where a lot of fathers were not present, right? Like a lot of our peers, I shouldn't say a lot of our peers, because quite a few of our peers did have their dads around, at least or present present in some way. But it feels like we were kind of like a small little, like a microcosm, right? So people were coming from from places where their fathers were at least present. Even if their parents weren't together, the father was present in some way. But then I did have peers where that wasn't the case, right? Because in our generation, there was quite a few kids that didn't grow up with their dads in a house. And some some didn't grow up even knowing their fathers, right? So, but I feel like what happened as a as a result of that in some cases, and we made I think we talked about this maybe a few episodes ago or some episodes, but it feels like the the other thing that happened as a result was that people did not want to follow their father's negative example. It kind of motivated them to be better than their fathers were, right? Because they knew what it was like not to have a father. They they it it made them more motivated to be a great father. So I I feel like sometimes you learn from from the bad example or you you you take a lesson from what you did not have, right? Yeah. And and and it it it motivates you to give your kids better. Right. Mm-hmm. And then you create the new cycle. Yeah, so so exactly. So so because you maybe you yeah, in in in those cases, you're creating a new cycle, like you said, like you're creating that cycle of of providing that good example, um like leaving that legacy, and hopefully, you know, you have a child that that wants to do something, you know, similar, right? Like if they do have kids, they want to be in their lives, they want to form a family and want to want that type of whatever they can provide in terms of stability, because it's nothing's perfect all the time, and there's no everything is situational um and very subjective. So I don't want to say that like if anybody is not like in the home with their family, like that's something that that's automatically bad, or in the ideal situation, but hopefully, like as fathers we're passing now some some really good examples and um motivating our kids and and providing them some sort of inspiration for when they do as age in their lives of paying forward, like you said, like to to kind of use use the positive examples as much as possible. So it's like look, this is what's this is what we do, this is what we do, this is what we're about, you know? Or it's like this is what I didn't have, but this is what I'm giving you, and this is what I expect you to give your child, and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So even though there may be a a a pause, you can always come back, or you can always get it back on track if you if that's your desire, if you want it enough. You know, sometimes sometimes that gap that's that's left in uh um not only just a a young man's life, but a a young woman's life as well, young girl's life as well. Sometimes that gap can be so big, either you want to fill that gap or it just leaves a permanent hole. You you you understand what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. And um Yeah, a lot of cases that that we know, it's like they've decided to fill that gap themselves and then they kind of start over again and and then and then hit the restart button. And I don't know if it's just the black community, but I know it is the black community. I don't know if it's only that, but yeah, but we happen to do we happen to be black, if you're guys Yeah, so I so I so I can I can speak from that from that perspective, but but what you hear a lot is um this idea of breaking generational curses. Yes. Right. And a lot of times that means it oftentimes means like financially. Like I hear people say that in terms of like behaviors around money and and finances and home ownership or or jobs, but I think it also means in terms of like family structure, right? What you would like to see at least in your immediate home, right? Like for your nuclear family, the things that you would like to see sometimes are a result of things you didn't have, right? Like you said. Like um, and sometimes breaking generational curses means um giving your family your all, right? Like where maybe you feel like you were missing something, um, you're gonna give your kids everything that that you that you missed. Like you're gonna be the parent that you think you needed, right? Um so so yeah, um that that's where the this whole talk reminds me of that, right? Like, because we we say that a lot in the community, like you know, break breaking generational curses. Right. Yeah. It's like a it's like a catchphrase phrase almost. We use it so much. Right. Um so I also saw that they have like two main types of of fathers that they categorized, categorize. There we go. Easy for you to say. And they say it's uh um, hold on, I have it written down here. They have the the authoritative father, or which they call the fully involved dad, and that's they provide balance of firm boundaries while maintaining high warmth and love. So that's like the do-it-all dad right there. Then you have the authoritarian uh the authoritarian dad, aka the enforcer dad. And this father enforces strict obedience, um, rigid rules, offers low what low warmth and discipline over discussion. You know why this is super interesting to me because and this might be a tangent, right? Like, because as soon as you said that those two, oh hold up, we got a main minute coming? Yes, sir. Let's let me get ready. Yes, sir, let's go. No, I don't I don't even know if it's gonna take a full main minute, but but um when you talk about the the authoritative versus authoritarian, right? It reminds me of a concept within kind of a corporate environment or a work environment where there's two different types of managers that you learn about, right? There's one that's um collaborative, and then there's a command and control, right? And collaborative kind of speaks for itself, right? Like it's a manager that's more like working with you on things. They're not just telling you what to do, but they're willing to jump in if need be and um and give you uh give you help, right? Like they're not gonna do the work per se, but they'll do components of it and they'll help you as much as they can if you need it, right? They're there to have discussion, they're there, they're there to to have talks with. Like you can escalate to them um and not feel like it's a it's a official formal escalation, right? Like we could talk through problems and we could work together on those things, right? It's more like a a partner, right, than a manager. Um, at least in some cases, right? But then the command and control is more of the authoritarian, where it's not as much of a discussion. It's really about, hey, here's our task that we need to do as a team, and I'm assigning you to this. And my expectation is that you get it done and let me know when it's done, you know. And I'm and I'm oversimplifying it, but but like the the authoritarian s seems to me more like the um the command and control, and then the authoritative is more like the collaborative. Um but it just feels like there's a parallel here that that that stands out to me. It kind of resonates with me. Yeah. And then we have the entertaining dad. Oh, there's a third? There's a third. There's four. There's four. Oh, there's four of these. Okay. There's four. Yeah, there's four. So they have the entertaining dad, aka the permissive dad, and this this is the father that acts more like a friend than an authority figure. Offer offers high warmth and love, but provides few rules or consequences. And then the last one is the uninvolved dad. They're emotionally detached, unresponsive, provides basic needs, but offers little to no warmth, guidance, or rules. I feel I feel like the um authoritarian dad is like those fathers, like probably our god our grandfather's son. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like it was like, yo, it's just because this is what it is. This is what it is. I would imagine so. Yeah. Like you know, like I think because I said so type of dad. Because I said so, yeah. Because I said so. And I think that our our fathers, so our fathers are the baby boomers, right? So um, like they're they're like a little bit of a blend of both, but I think they're also more of a authorit authoritarian, yo. They range a little bit more, but they also I I say, what'd you say, like a 60-40 split? I would I mean it I guess it depends on the household, but but I know it's a blend. Like I agree with you completely that there's there's a blend of authoritative and authoritarian in there. Yeah. Um, with very tiny, some people have a tiny sprinkle of entertainment. Yo, send it like every once in a yeah, every once in a blue moon. Yeah, like you get entertaining like on very special occasions. You might get a little bit of entertaining or holidays or something. Yeah. But for the most part, like the other 364 days, you get a blend of of authoritarian and authoritative, right? Because that's how they they were raised with mostly author uh authoritarian, right? So so yeah, that there's there's definitely a blend there. I I couldn't say the percentage exactly. Yeah, I think it varies. But it varies, it definitely varies. I don't think that our fathers are 50-50s at all. No, not at not at all. Not at all. I think they lean if I had to say 60, 40, 70, 30. Yeah, they lean towards authoritarian, right? Because that's that's most likely, like you said, like how they were raised. Like if their dad was around, it's gonna be an authoritarian household where you do it because I said so. Yeah, it's like yo, there's chores to do, man. We got work to do, we gotta do this, and it needs to be done. There's no time to negotiate. Yeah, yeah. Don't tell me that you had some fight out there in the street and you couldn't get home and get these get these chores done, boy, because you're about to have two fights now. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? So it's not a good thing. Yeah, they wouldn't even care if there was a first one. Yeah, they were like, I hope you won that first one. Yeah, it feels like those dads wouldn't even care if you came in and lied about having a fight. They don't care. You're just gonna get you're gonna get a whooping and you're gonna do your chores, and you're gonna go to your room, and you might be grounded for a little while, like you know, but yes, they don't care if why you're late. Like, yeah, it's it's like whoever you fought, you should have told them you gotta go. Yeah, yeah, whoever you were fighting out there, you should have told them you gotta get home. You could have fought them tomorrow. Yeah, bad. Yeah. So I feel I feel the baby boomers lean, 6040, 70 30, and maybe even like seven, maybe 70, 25, and maybe a five percent, maybe a five percent of entertaining dad. Well, how how about what do you think? What do you think of yourself? No, that's what I was coming to next. Yeah, you know what I mean. I feel we're down a notch. I feel like we're more like the uh the um the authoritative. I think we're more the authoritative fathers. Yeah. We lean more towards the authoritative, yeah, and and the entertaining dad. I think we lean more towards the authoritative, though. Like I think we're like the 70-30, 80-20 split. But on the other, but on the other end of that, yeah, I I guess you like I yeah, I would agree with that. And I I feel like there's a lot more, and this varies, like I said, like this is gonna vary depending on the household, but I feel like there's more of a sprinkle in there of entertaining dad too. Like, for better or worse, I feel like um Gen Xers are are are kind of um more likely to be the entertaining dad too. Yeah, you know. Um because our fathers like really worked hard for us to have fun. You know what I mean? Like our fathers grew up like on a f on farms. We had video games, we could go outside, we didn't have the crazy chores, like milking cows and and fetching eggs and and walk into school 10, 15 miles a day. We didn't have it that bad. So I think we're more like the we're a little more. I'm not gonna say we're more fun because I I think we both consider our our fathers fun. But I think we more we we lean a little bit more to the authoritative. There's more of a 50-50 balance as far as authoritative, and then we have a little bit of the entertaining dad in there. You know, we have a little bit of empathy. Yeah, I feel like, like you said, like like our our dads in their generation, they grew up a lot. It was a lot tougher, you know, growing up for them. Um, and don't get me wrong, like depending on your situation, like for Gen X's, we had you know, a lot of Gen X's had a tough time too, right? We talk about the Faroe generation and the the Lashkey kids, and especially like, you know, the type of neighborhoods that we were growing up in and all that stuff, right? There's tough times, but we did grow up in a time that felt like almost like by the 90s, there was this golden age of almost everything, right? Everything had a golden age, it feels like for Gen Xers. Like we had the best movies, yes, we had the best music, we had the best toys. Like Ronald Reagan, Ronald Reagan opened up the floodgate, so every cartoon was really just a commercial for the toys. We got to get up and just watch hours of cartoons. Oh man, it was a every season was new cartoons, new seasons of cartoons, cartoons about the shows that you were watching already, cartoons about the toys, yeah, cartoons about wrestling. Yeah, man. Like it just seemed like the golden age of almost almost everything, like as we're growing up and becoming teenagers, even too. So it feels like because of that, like we tend to lean a lot a little bit like in that entertaining dad. Yeah, because we're we're still kind of living through this this um, it's almost like a like a second childhood or something that you could you could you can enjoy with your kids because everything has been retroed and everything. We're super nostalgic, yo. Like we're we're probably the most nostalgic. You gotta be the most nostalgic generation of all of them because everything's coming back. Like because we had that golden age of everything, like I said, it feels like everything's kind of coming back around and reminding us of that that really golden time, you know? Um, so we're kind of like reliving some of that through our kids or or just or just on our own. I know people that that that get like collectibles, you know, toys, stuff like that, because they everything that that we had back then is coming back around. Like the there's a He-Man movie coming out. It's 2026. We got a He-Man movie coming out. Oh son, you I'm going to see that. I'm not even like you got Super Mario Brothers, like at the best it's ever been. Like, you know, with those two movies. Yeah, Super Mario Brothers movies, man. Like, and and it like the technology allows it to be the best storytelling ever. The Model Combat movie just dropped. They had a Model Combat movie. You know what I mean? They got a Street Fighter movie coming out. Like everything is kind of retro and coming back. So we're, like you said, we're since we're so nostalgic, it's like the kid in us never dies. You know, like we're we're gonna take care of we take care of our responsibilities, like we adjust to, we adapt and all that stuff. We're all of that. Gen X is adaptable. We take care, we're stoic, but there's also the Toys R Us kid in us that that just refuses to grow up. I don't want to grow up. I'm a Toys R Us kid. Yeah, we still got that Toys of Us kid in us, you know, that's not exactly gonna grow up, you know. So so with all of that said, um, I think that leads us to be um a higher percentage entertaining dads too, at least as much as you know, time and and resources will allow, right? Yeah. What do you feel about now the millennial fathers? Do you think they're more like entertaining? They lean heavy on the entertainment. I don't I don't I will be honest with you, I'm not I'm not 100% sure about that one, man. Like I know I know a few millennial dads, and I feel like they're they have younger children, right? Like the ones that I do know, that their children are still at an age where they're still trying to figure out what's gonna happen, right? Like when you have kids, like you have young kids, right? Like, and it's still like there's a stage where you're not sure what type of dad you're gonna be exactly. Like you're you're figuring it out because your kids are so young that everything they do is new, everything they they're experiencing is new, and it's new to both of you, right? Like it's new to them. Whatever they're doing is new to you. Yeah, right. So you haven't really established a kind of a framework or a solid way of of being. Like you're not a you're not a type yet, right? Like that that's kind of what I'm observing. Like, and it is and that's from like a a 10,000-foot view, right? Like I because I I don't I'm not that that cl close enough to any of it to see on a day-to-day how they're interacting. But from what I've heard and for the from the little bit that I I am able to observe, it seems like they're still kind of forming that, right? Like, you know, they they're they're doing their best and they're doing a great job in a lot of cases, but but in terms of like a kind of an archetype, this that that has yet to it is to be to be determined, right? Yeah, yeah. I have a I have a I have a um I have a book. You of course you have a book. There's a book. Don't we have a book every episode? I have a book movie combo, son. A book movie combo. Yeah, yeah. Would it be the Gen Expertise podcast? We don't talk to you about a book and a book and a movie. We gotta give it to you. This one's a straight two for one, though. We have um Big Fish. You ever read that book and saw the movie? No. Oh my gosh. So Big Fish by Daniel Wallace. And then they did the movie in the 2003. Ewan McGregor was in it, um, like Danny DeVito was in it. Uh so Big Fish. I saw the book. I saw I saw the book. I saw the movie first, and then when I found out that it was a book, I wanted to read the book, and I ended up reading the book. Uh Big Fish is a is a story about a father and son dynamic. And it's called Big Fish because the father lives this like lives this crazy life. Right? This this absurd life because is this where like his family thinks he's lying? Like like he like Yeah, okay. I knew it was it's vaguely familiar, but yeah, yeah, okay. Yes, yeah. So like is it even really no Spoilers because this is just like the story is just so wide open right now. Sure, sure. The father figures out that like when he's younger, he has this crazy life, and he figures out early, like he goes to this oracle and finds out literally when he's going to die. So the whole story is about he's finally like sick in the hospital, and his fa his son comes to see him in the hospital, and they they're kind of estranged because his father always thought he was like this big time liar, you know? And he told these big fish stories. He was an exaggerator, and everyone loved his father because his father had these great stories that he always told. And uh so seeing how the fact that he he he uh saw his demise, so to speak, or the end of his life, he lived his life knowing, like, oh, this isn't gonna kill me. Like, I'm not gonna die from this, I'm not gonna die for that, because I know I'm gonna die. And his life is just like just this is just the freedom that he had in life and the people that he met and the things that he's done. Um, and his son, he grew up, his son act when he was a young kid, he grew up just idolizing his father because he told the best stories. True. You know, because as he's a kid, you think everything your father says is true. You think everything is true, right? But then as you get older, he's like, Well, I think my father's like he's probably like a liar, or he's still trying to he's still telling me these big stories about this this life that he's lived that isn't true. Like, I'm not a kid anymore. Like, stop stop telling these people these extravagant tales about you doing this and doing that when you know you and I both know it's not true. So the story is this dynamic between the father and the son, Big Fish by Daniel Wallace. It's a great movie. Yo, the movie is hilarious, and the book is really good too. So that's Ranch's combo two for one. Book and movie. We gotta check that out. Yeah, man. Yeah. This is really good. We must have talked about that before because I because I do vaguely remember Big Fish. I think I mentioned it in one of our early episodes. Yeah, you you must have, because I because I remember the part about the dad telling me stories. Yeah, like I remember the the whole thing about the dad telling stories and his son thinking that he that he was a liar. Yeah, yes, sir. Yeah, that sounds interesting. And I remember like my father could have told me anything, and I would have believed anything that my father told me as a kid. As a kid, you just look up to him. He's the smartest person you know, he's the most adventurous person. No, your father knows everything. Like kids would get into fights in school, like my father told me. That's that's not true. Yes, it is, yes, it is. You know the funny thing about that too is like nowadays, um, you know, you're gonna tell your kids things, but we have evidence now. We have yeah, we have enough video, we have social media, we have we have we have some sort of evidence for the things that we're gonna tell them. Um, but not everything, no. I guess as a gen X, there's some things that I'm sure my kids are like, oh, that doesn't sound real. Yeah, like come on, man. Yeah. Like you were like I I I forgot who it wasn't my kids, because my kids are not even old enough to understand that. But I was telling a story about when we we were in city college when um when Diddy did, you know, when Diddy threw that celebrity basketball game. And as I'm telling the story, it sounds like I'm lying. Like, like I I don't know why, but everything that happened that night sounds like a lie. It I don't know why. That just popped in my head when you were talking about that, like the big fish. But because it sounds like it sounds like one of those stories, man. The more I tell it, the more it sounds unbelievable. And then with with all the stuff that happened that came out eventually about Diddy, it sounds like almost like when I tell that story now, it feels like I'm just jumping on an interesting story. Yeah, um, just trying to tell like I was there, I was there, I was there. I was there for for some part of some, you know, some crazy ride or you know, some story, right? But but yeah, um, I don't know why that just popped in my head, but like but that's one of those things that feels like a fish story. So big fish, Daniel Wallish, check that out. Tell him Gen Expertise sent you. I'm gonna check it out myself because I I still have it. I'm gonna check it out. Uh-huh. You got anything else to add? I don't think so, man. Um, you know, we've we've because we've covered this before. Like we've talked about this, and and it feels like it's coming full circle this month where we talk about this kind of month of the man that we're gonna have. Month of the man. Because because of um, you know, men's health month, men's mental health month, and then Father's Day is coming up as well. Um But it feels like there's certain themes that you and I cover, um, just because of who we are, because of the nature of the type of conversations that we have, just outside of the podcast. You and I have conversations that that span all these different topics, man, like about family, about how we feel about fatherhood, um, about our own fathers and and like things that we learned from them, things that we got from them, things that we do different than them, right? Yeah. Um So yeah, I don't I really I really don't have much else, man. I feel like as as as you listen to us, like the audience out there, you're gonna get more insights like this and more like stories and and more of how we feel about this type of thing, man, because we we talk about it outside of this podcast, right? Like these are real conversations that we have regularly. Um we give each other advice, we tell each other funny stories, you know, like um like there might be things happening with us as fathers and as just family men. Um so so yeah, like stay tuned. There's there's there's a lot more to come. You know, there's a lot more to come. And there's things I'm forgetting to tell you, you know. Yeah. And this in fact alone that we do mention our fathers um here and there through these 40 plus episodes now that we've done shows you just how important fathers are to Maine and Rants. Yeah, absolutely. Like I I wouldn't be the person I am. Like, and and I know this it sounds cliche, but I wouldn't be who I am without my father. And my mother for too, for that instance, but since we talked about dads, um Yeah. Yeah, my father definitely was instrumental in in who I am, right? Like he's really core to the person that I became, right? Like, and and my mother too. I don't want to I hate saying it like this, like I'm leaving my mother out, but like yeah, but going forward, just assume my mother as well. You know, yeah. For the month of the man, the month of the man, just assume our mothers as well. And we've also bigged up our uh why this no, we definitely we definitely do, we definitely do like this. Is the month of the man? The month of the man. Remember when Red Man and Method Man had the month of the man? Yes. Yeah, shout out to shout out to WuT, shout out to Method Man and Red Man. Um I remember when they came out at the same time. Red Man came out with There is a Dark Side. There is a Dark Side, and Method Man was the was Meth Tacal or was that the second one? Uh we gotta look that up. Now, uh yeah, my I want to say it was to Cal. I think it was I think it was Tacal, because I I think that was that's what was coming out at the time. Yeah, because Red had it, Red was out first. So he was like, Because Red was out as a solo artist first. Yeah. So he came out with There is a Dark Side and then. It was What the album and then There's a Dark Side. Yeah, and then his second album was basically Met's first album, and they brought them out together the month of the Yeah, because I remember that was a big promotion, a big thing, and it worked. They're still eating off of that promotion. Yeah, that that's that's what led to them becoming kind of like an unofficial duo, and yeah, yeah, that led to those blackout albums. So, yeah, shout out to Met the Man and Red Man, the month of the man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. So, oh, oh, oh, one more thing. One more thing. R.I.P. to Forster Silvers. Did you know that Forster Silvers passed? Who is Foster Silver? Oh my gosh, son. Mr. Meaner. Uh uh uh it's off OV. Uh uh It's oh my god. No way. Yes, yes, famously sampled by Dr. Dre for the DOC. Yeah, it took me an extremely long time to get that because you were off key. It was a bad remote rendition. In a way that that that is just deceiving and misleading. Wow, man. Yeah. Shout out to RP the Foster Silvers. Foster Silvers, man, the Silvers clan of the city. It was like nine of them. Yeah, you know, for years and years and years, I thought that that song was the Jackson Five because they had told Jackson. Yeah, they sounded so similar to the Jacksons, man, like the young Jacksons, right? Like the Jackson Fives. That for years I thought that was the Jackson Five. Wow, man, I'm sorry to hit up. Most of them were born in Indiana. Wow. But they but they moved to Los Angeles early. So the most, like I think the oldest children were born in Indiana, and then they moved to Los Angeles, California. That's an interesting coincidence, though. Yes. Um, yeah, Indiana brings out a lot of talent, apparently, right? Like, so yeah, man. I'm sorry to hear that. I yeah, at first I didn't make that that connection when you said that. But yeah, I know, yeah, I know the misdemeanor song, of course, man. Like, yeah. Wow. Yeah, 64 years old, he passed. Wow, and that's fair, you know, that's relatively young. And we talk about that too. Like, like 64 years old is re is relatively relatively young, man. Um, that's a shame. I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, and like and like you said, like I do remember the song, and I remember when Dr. Dre um for that Compton song. Compton with the DLC. Yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. That's what actually gave it a second boost. Yeah, yeah. You know, because that kind of introduced it to us because we always would read the linear notes and we would lead like what song was sampled. Absolutely, absolutely. Like we were into that, like like looking for what like what what people sampled was like that was a whole hobby in and of itself, right? Like when you know we talk about hip hop music, finding out what that sample was from and then digging through your parents' records, or just stumbling on it sometimes. Sometimes my parents would play something, and I'm like, oh, that's from Dr. Dre. That's like ridiculous. Yeah, and they would be like, What do you mean? This is from 1960, whatever, right? And I'm like, no, no, this is this is Jay-Z. This is you don't understand. This is Dr. Dre. Like, you know, I would, yeah. I had a lot of moments like that with my parents, like, oh, this is you know, this is so-and-so sample. There's ghost face killers on this. Yeah. You're like, what are you talking about? Yeah, they were like, what are you talking about? This came out when I was a kid. Yeah, you know, but yeah, man, I'm yeah, I'm sorry to hear that, man. Like, all right, the Foster Silver, 64 years old. Wow. You know, gave us a classic, classic hit. His his brother, I think his brothers, I want to say Leon Foster's, but I'm I'm not sure. I know his name starts with an L, but he he wrote that and he was the main, like the engine behind the family and the music and the writing. He went on, he still he wrote for the Whispers. He was a uh famous songwriter behind the scenes, so you know RP that to Foster Silver, his little he lost his little brother, you know. Condolences out to the family. And that's what it is, man. Life is life in, bro. You know what I mean? Yeah. So on that note, it wasn't the the most lively note, but this concludes our latest episode of the Gen Expertise Podcast, episode 42. Shout out to our now day 42s, our day ones, and everyone in between. And as usual, and as always, shout out to our day one, day one. And since it is the month of the man, Main, you know what, right? Since we are prolific, that's right, my brother. We'll be we are prolific and we are men, manly men, the manliest men of the world. We will be back next week. Same gen next time, same gen next place. Peace and power to the podcast. Power to the podcast.