Ep 45: "The Blueprint"

 In this episode, we share the advice, wisdom, and life lessons we'd pass on to our son; from building character and resilience to navigating relationships, purpose, and the mistakes that taught us the most. 

Intro and Outro music by Erin Garris and Khari Garris 

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:14

Yo yo yo, what it is, what it was, what's it gonna be? Welcome. Welcome to the latest episode of the Gen Expertise Podcast, episode 45, entitled The Blueprint. We are your host, Main and Rant, aka Boogie Dad Production.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

Go on, go.

SPEAKER_03 0:41

What's happening? What's happening? What's happening?

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Good, man. How are you? How are you feeling?

SPEAKER_03 0:46

I'm good, man. Happy Father's Day.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

Yeah, happy Father's Day. As we record this, we're recording on Father's Day.

SPEAKER_03 0:53

On Father's Day, man. Main has the awesome dad Father's Day t-shirt on. Is that what I'm saying? He's getting cliche-y on us.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

Nah, this is one of my yeah, this is one of my gifts. I had to do it. Uh huh. Did you get some socks too? No, no socks this year. No ties, no socks, nothing crazy. Just just a couple of t-shirts.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

And I got one of those, um, you know, one of those cozy's for your beer, like you swept the beer in and it keeps it cool.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

One of those cozy, the can cozy or whatever it is. I got one of those too. Um okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:30

You made off.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

Yeah, and I got a good uh good meal out of the out of the deal, so that's always good.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

There you go, man. We cooked out on the grill. Let me ask you a question. When you were outside, how many people, like just when you was randomly outside with the family, how many people wished you a happy Father's Day today?

SPEAKER_00 1:49

Today, I can't lie, I didn't I didn't really get out today. Uh because we just came home from a little trip. So I was in the house. Um, so I relaxed. Um, today I I wasn't out, so I can't I I got zero. I got zero of that. You know, no strangers wishing me a happy father's day or anything like that. But that has happened to me in the past.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

But not not not um it used to happen to me even before I was a father. Like people would just assume I was a father. And I'm going about my day. Yeah, maybe maybe I got a dad bond. So people would just so people would assume people will always assume I'm a dad. Because um, even before I was a dad, I had a dad bond.

SPEAKER_03 2:32

So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

So I used to get that a lot.

SPEAKER_03 2:35

We went out, we went out. I got a couple here and there. I caught a couple strays here and there.

unknown 2:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:41

But in general, man, yo, we don't be getting enough love, son. And I'm pushing a double catch.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

Yeah, it's a common theme, I guess, right? Like, so people always joke about that. How dads, Father's Day's not really a thing, you know what I mean? Like, like, and and honestly, like leading up to it, I didn't really hear much about it. You know how leading up to Mother's Day, there's a bunch of advertisements for getting gifts for your mom, and there's commercials for like, you know, just special things that moms do with it.

SPEAKER_03 3:09

Every gift begins with K's.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Yeah, all types of stuff, man. Like just last-minute gifts in case you forgot, but but nobody forgets.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

But yeah, it feels like even a lead up, there's no real lead up to Father's Day.

unknown 3:25

No.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

There's just nothing. Like, you know, you wouldn't even know.

SPEAKER_03 3:30

You know, Mother's Day, it's four days before Mother's Day. You try to get a card, and it's like one card. They scramble in son. You could definitely see where people are. Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

You can see you can see where the priorities are for sure. Yeah, dogs. Nah, it it just it's just not the same lead up event to it, you know. Um, but no, I mean, hey, it is what it is, you know.

SPEAKER_03 3:55

It is what it is till a date, bro.

SPEAKER_00 3:57

Somebody, so somebody's somebody's gotta do it. It's a dirty job, yo. I'm fine, I'm fine with it. Um, but I mean, honestly, like all I ask is that like I just enjoy having my kids around, man, for Father's Day. Like, I don't even want much for Father's Day at all. Um I really enjoy having my kids around. Like, I know some people want to have that day almost a day off. I always find that kind of ironic that people kind of want that day, they want to be completely left alone, kind of, you know, and I get that, like they want a day of peace. And some people ask for that for Father's Day. I know mothers sometimes ask for that too. For Mother's Day, all they want is for you to just leave them alone and give them a break, kind of. Like take the kids out and make sure that you know dinner's prepared and all that stuff so they can just relax. Um, but no, I mean with me, like I I I feel like I really, really enjoy having my kids around. And on a day like that, I'm reminded of how grateful I am for my kids. I'm kind of a nerd for my kids. Like I'm really enjoying watching them grow up and and I feel like I'm getting to know them all the time. And I don't know if that makes sense, man. Like as they grow, they're different. Like they're not the same as last year, even. Um and my kids are 10 and 13, so it feels like as the years pass, they're becoming almost like they're evolving in a way, right? So I feel like I'm getting to know them year after year. You know, um, I know them, but I but not really, because they're becoming, they're maturing, they they're forming their their personalities are forming even more. They're getting influenced by things outside of me, and they're bringing things back that I didn't teach them a lot of times. I just feel like I'm getting to know them all the time, and I find it kind of fascinating still.

SPEAKER_03 5:37

Yeah, I enjoy just being with the kids too. Like, I'm not the just I want to sit down and leave me alone. I like going outside for a walk with them pushing the carriage and then come out, put the sprinklers up in the backyard, so they be running through the sprinklers and playing and going crazy. So I enjoy that. And you know, we're old dads, and I'm an older dad. So every second, every minute counts with me, bro. I don't want to miss anything. The oldest is on her way, her graduation is tomorrow. The oldest is going into high school. I got one about to start 3K and one just a couple years away. So that's gonna happen. That's gonna be here like nothing. So these are the times that I'm gonna enjoy, man. When they're not asking for money, when they're not talking back, buying weird clothes, watching weird things on TV. You know what I'm saying? Like they just weird. This is the coolest that I'm ever gonna be as a father right now with my youngest.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

So it's funny you say it like that too, because I'm running into that. Like I said, like my daughter's 13, and yeah, you got like a 13, you're you got you one that's 13, 14, 13.

SPEAKER_03 6:37

She's going to 14. She's going to 14. Yeah, she'll be 14 or something.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

Yeah. So, you know, like they're getting into that stage like where you're not cool anymore. Like you said, like you, this is probably the coolest you'll ever be to the little ones.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

Um, but as my daughter turns, you know, she's a teenager now, and as she get gets older, I I feel like I'm losing that cool factor with her. She could she calls me a boomer, even though I'm not a you know, with Gen X's, obviously. But I think she said she says it as like a you know, a little blow to the ego, like, hey, you know, you're a boomer. Uh everything that I like is is boomer stuff now. So I definitely lost that. I lost that cool factor with her. Um but hey, like I said, I'm fascinated by all of it, man. Like I'm getting to know her. She's getting to know me more, you know, so it's um, it's all good.

SPEAKER_03 7:30

Yeah. This is at the age, once they turn like teenagers, this is when you need to co-sign. You need the you need to co-sign. Like, you're not cool until like some of their friends see you and be like, yo, your dad is cool, man. They're ashamed of you until they you get you got a co-y need a peer co-sign from like some other teenagers, and then they come back like, you know what, you are alright. But until then, it's like, yo, you can drop me off down the block. I can get there by myself. So we're enter, we're both entering that scene.

SPEAKER_00 7:59

Yeah, you need the friends to co-sign you. Uh that's funny.

SPEAKER_03 8:02

Yeah, you need their friends to co-sign you, yeah. You need to drop them off, and they'd be like, yo, that's your dad. Like, um, no, no. Oh, because that dude is cool. Well, yeah, yeah, that is my dad, actually. That's what we need now. So, you know. Shout out to the dads out there, man. Shout out to the dads.

SPEAKER_00 8:21

Yeah, absolutely. Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there.

SPEAKER_03 8:23

Happy Father's Day and all the brothers out there, and all the father figures, you know?

SPEAKER_00 8:27

Like, honestly.

SPEAKER_03 8:28

Exactly. All the father. Biological fathers and the father figures.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

Yeah. The big brothers, the older brothers, the big brothers, the mentors, everybody.

SPEAKER_03 8:37

Mm-hmm. Everybody, man. So today, the blueprint. This is our last episode, official episode of the month of the man. Yeah. Yeah. The month for men by men. So today, as both Main and I are both fathers, as you know, and we all we are both fathers of sons as well. So today, we're just gonna go. Oh, I haven't heard, I haven't said this in a while. We're gonna go back and forth and forth and back. I haven't said that one in a long time, son. It's been some weeks, some episodes since I'm gonna go back and forth and forth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll be the best.

SPEAKER_00 9:22

I don't know if that I don't know if that gets a pause, or I'm just just in case.

SPEAKER_03 9:26

Just threw it out there. So we're gonna go, we're gonna talk about things and advice that we are gonna give to our son specifically. Like we do have daughters, we love our daughters, but this is the month of the man. And then we'll probably have to do the you know, we'll probably have to do the blueprint volume two for our daughters, because you didn't mean to keep us in the good graces.

SPEAKER_00 9:50

Yeah, no, I definitely, definitely.

SPEAKER_03 9:52

But today is the advice that we would give our sons um off the blueprint of our successes and probably a lot of our failures as well. Because what they say, sometimes failure breeds success.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

And and and and in every every failure, there's a lesson, right? Yeah, you turn to learn more from your failures.

SPEAKER_03 10:13

Mm-hmm. So, you want to start off? What you have off first, man?

SPEAKER_00 10:19

Um, the first thing I had that come to mind is um I had this conversation today with with my folks, right? Like, because um for Father's Day, like my father came over and my mother came over and we had dinner with the family, right? But um this conversation came up, and we talked about choosing your hard, right? Pause. Oh, but choosing your hard, and I think some of us know what that means, right?

SPEAKER_03 10:43

Like, so we'll call it choosing your difficult, just so that we don't have to choose.

SPEAKER_00 10:47

Choose choose. Let's switch it up a little bit. Okay. Choose your difficulty or choose it, yeah. Choose your challenge or choose your difficult, however you want to you want to phrase this. But but it's about choosing like to do the work now or to pay later, right? Like you can either you can either do the difficult thing now or you can suffer for for not doing it later on. And the example that I give is something like, let's say your folks are telling you, or people are telling you you need to study hard, right? Like they're telling you that for a reason. So when you're in at school age and whether or not it's high school or college or even elementary school, people are encouraging you to work hard. Because if you work hard now, it it yields rewards later, and it also builds on the things that you're gonna need to know later, right? Like so the harder you work right now, the easier things will be for you in the future, right? Or you can choose easy now and then suffer for it in the future, right? Like you could choose to not study, you could choose to to slack off now, but eventually you're gonna have to pay for that that time, right? So that's one of the things that I would tell my son, and I and I try to impart that, maybe not in those words, because I, you know, when I talk to my kids, I talk to them in terms that that they can they could digest, or at least I I try to. But choosing your difficulty is one of those things I need to impart to my son, right? Because it's something that I've had to learn over the years. Sometimes I I you know I kind of avoided that difficult time by by being disciplined, but sometimes I learned the hard way, right? Like where I thought I could take the easy route, or I thought there were shortcuts to certain things, but I realized that no, you're eventually gonna pay. No matter what happens, you're gonna pay. Like, like stuff like even you and I talk about health, man. Like you can take the easy route of just I can eat whatever I want, I don't have to work out ever. But eventually it's gonna catch up. And the hard times are gonna come when you're talking to your doctor, or you're going to the hospital for something that that was avoidable or preventable because you didn't put in any work and you didn't put in the effort um on the on the on the front end. So you're either gonna pay on the front end or you're gonna pay on the back end, and that's something that I really want to impart to my son and my and my daughter for that matter, but but since we're talking about sons, it's definitely something I want to I want to impart to my son because I can give him direct examples for myself of of how I had to learn that. And times where I just implemented it without without having to suffer. Fortunately, I'm able to learn from from other people's mistakes, and I'm also able to learn from advice, right? Um, and that was advice that people gave me very early on in school or at work that if you work hard in the beginning, things will be easier for you in the end.

SPEAKER_03 13:34

Yeah. There's always a little bit of sacrifice that you have to do in the beginning. Right. That uh because you you you don't want to sacrifice at the end of your journey. You want to be l you want to be living easy at the end. So that's good that's good advice, man. People always someone I think it was a coach of mine that once said, yo, the most difficult thing to do is something that you don't want to do. The easiest thing to do is do something that you want to do, and usually the thing that you want to do gets you in trouble.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

I'm gonna tell you that it like it applies to to to stuff like sports too. Like it applies to dis just discipline in general, man. Like you can practice hard for at your sport, yeah, or you can have experience of losing, you know, like you can so you gotta pick your challenge. Like, do you want to work hard and practice so you can have that that that on that feeling of victory and that feeling of triumph? Or do you want to have it easy and take it easy and then have that really difficult feeling of losing and failing because you didn't put in the hard work, but eventually you're gonna pay in some way or another, right? So you gotta that's why I say you gotta choose what you're difficult. Like it's it's difficult to save money, right? But it's also difficult to be in debt and broke. Yes. So if you start in the if you start early with good habits and you keep yourself disciplined, um, you're gonna yield, you're gonna yield a reward, like you're gonna reap a reward later on, right? Like, so that's definitely something I want to impart with my kids. Hopefully, they they they'll listen and they can apply that in practical ways. So, yeah, that's that's the first one.

SPEAKER_03 15:13

That's a good one. That's a good one. I like that one. What I have is never take advice from the person who hasn't attempted to do whatever you're trying to do. Ah, like you know, you like that what? You like that one?

SPEAKER_00 15:27

So you know, all the people telling us how how to do our podcasts and what type of music we should have on there and what type of topics we should talk about.

SPEAKER_03 15:37

You should you should always, yeah, don't don't listen to someone that's never been there, man. Or trying because um it's it's easy to what do they call it? Arm armchair quarterback or something.

SPEAKER_00 15:48

Armchair quarterback or backseat driver, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 15:51

Backseat driver. Um, it's easy to give advice on something when you're outside looking in, when you've never done it. There's the the best advice comes from the person who's tried it and failed, and the person who's tried it and succeeded. So you want the advice from the person that said, yo, I tried that. This is everything I did wrong. This is why I didn't make it happen. You know, this is why it didn't work for me. I did all of these things wrong. This is why it didn't work for me. And then the other side, you want the person that says, This is everything that I did that it worked for me. But the person that didn't even attempt to do it, you don't want to listen to that person. That's that person. Don't let somebody live through you, yo. Don't let somebody live through this. And we live in an age now where this everyone's a critic, everyone feels like, especially with social media and our supercomputers in our hands, and the ability to to uh look at people's personal lives and professional lives and comment on everything, everybody has an idea of what should be done about everything. And you find out a lot of them don't have the courage to take that step, to take that leap of faith. You know, so that that's that's one of the lessons I'll I'll tell my son, like, yo man, if they and when he gets if he has an idea and he tells me such and such told me that I shouldn't do it, the first thing that I'm gonna tell him is like, did they try? Have they ever attempted it? What's their experience? You know, so yeah, like what's their experience? So what did they do when they tried it? If he says, oh no, they never tried it, they just source, I'm like, then don't listen to them. Their opinion doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

Like I agree with that. That's a good one. And I find that you also have to kind of discount the advice of of people that have no interest in what you're doing, really. Like they just some people are just commenting out just out of pure like peanut gallery sideline, it's just chatter, you know what I mean? Like they're not even interested in what you're trying to do. They not only are they not trying to do what you what you're trying to do, not only have they never tried, but they're not even interested really in doing what you're doing. So why even why even uh you know take don't put too much stock in their in their opinion, right?

SPEAKER_03 18:11

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

Um so yeah, I definitely agree with that. That's that's a that's a good one. That's a really good one.

SPEAKER_03 18:16

When I was younger, we were we were I was young. I was must have been, I couldn't have been any older than 25. And we threw a barbecue for my grandmother's birthday. And I was out cooking on the grills. You know, I was out cooking on the grills, I was cooking, and there was a bunch of people that my my mother asked, Do you want to help with the grill? Do you want to help with the grill? And they were like, Nah, they didn't want to be bothered working on the grill because they wanted to sit down and everybody wants to eat and party. You don't want to be working the grill and the cookout.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

Right.

SPEAKER_03 18:45

So I had I had both grills going. Here comes one of my uncles. He comes in, he what looks over my shoulder. He goes, Yo, you you um you supposed to be putting that on this. You supposed to have that. This is the monster grill right here. You supposed to be doing this, you supposed to be doing that, you supposed to be doing this. And I remember turning to him and I said, Didn't they ask you to work the grills? He said, Yeah, I didn't want to work the grills. And I remember turning and telling him, like, look, man, you're more than welcome to grab these tongs and work these grills. But if you ain't about that grill life, don't come here and talk to me, don't come here and talk to me about him how to cook this food, man, how to flip these burgers, bro, because you didn't want to do it. You didn't want to do it in the first place. So, so just just go over there and and and and get this food, man, and leave me alone. So yeah, everybody's got an opinion, man.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Everybody has a way away, a better way. Um, but yeah, you know, I don't yeah, that's definitely a a a good lesson to impart to our to our sons, man. Like, you know, don't watch who you take advice from, right?

SPEAKER_03 19:54

Yeah, man. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:56

Definitely a good guy.

SPEAKER_03 19:58

What you got up next, man?

SPEAKER_00 20:00

Um, this one I kind of stole from somebody. Um and I don't want to say still, I was I was influenced and inspired, and I was motivated by this one one time, right? So, you ever heard of um Gary Vaynerchuk? No. So Gary Vaynerchuk is an entrepreneur and he's sort of an influencer online, but he um he has a company called Vayner, Vayner Media, I think. Um and I I stumbled on him one day, and and he talks a lot about just a lot of motivational stuff about ways that you can make money, right? Like, so if anybody's familiar with Gary Vaynichuk, they know what I'm talking about here. But one video I stumbled on, right? He's in the back of his car, he's being driven, and um a fan of his sees him in the back of the car. Like he has a window open, so somebody bumps into him, and they're like, Hey, you're Gary Vaynerichuk. And he goes, you know, he's like, Yeah, he's always friendly and happy to greet people that if he has time, you know, he's happy to talk to fans, right? So the woman comes up to the car when it stops, and she's like, you know, give me a quick motivational speech, right? And he's like, You want a motivational speech? She's like, Yeah. He goes, Here's a motivational speech. You're gonna die. And and she's like, she you could tell she's a little stunned at first, and he's like, now go do something about her. And she and she walks away and she's like, I love you so much, and the car pulls off. And it's like, you know, it makes for like a dramatic moment because he had, you know, he has people kind of filming these these these moments with him, you know. Um, but at first, I was a little stunned that he said it, right? Like when I when I watched the video and I watched it again, and I and I I got it. It speaks to, you know, not to be morbid, but but but but it speaks to something that you and I have have talked about in the past, right? Like we probably talked about this a couple of times on on episodes of this podcast where we know that we have less life in front of us than we have behind us. I'm not gonna go into the to the statistical end. But given the the average lifespan, we have a lot less time ahead of us, right? Like than than than is past, right? And that should not be something to lament or to be sad about or anything like that, but it should act as sort of a motivating factor um to do what it is you set out to do, right? Or at least try. Try and fail. Fail, fail, fail. Fail as many times as you can. Because the more you fail, that means you've tried quite a bit, right? Like so that's one of the other things that I want to impart to my son and to anybody that I kind of come in contact with. This one is a universal one where I feel like anybody that spends any significant amount of time with me and and and talks to me and has conversation, or um, if we have a friendship or significant relationship, man, like I just want people to know that you are going to die. It's like the only guarantee, right? Like, and if you use that as kind of a motivating factor, whether you're 50, whether you're 20, you're 30, you're 40, whether if you're 10 years old, man, like this applies to every single person. Like, do what it is you want to do, do what's in your heart. As long as you're not hurting anybody, as long as it doesn't have adverse effect on people, um, that's gonna damage anything or damage anyone. Do what's in your heart to do. At least try, right? Because you're here for such a limited time that the time is too short to worry that you're gonna fail. I I probably won't say it in that way to my son or my daughter.

SPEAKER_03 23:35

I'm not gonna say the cool way, you say the Latin way. Momento mori. Momento mori, yo. Remember, you must die.

SPEAKER_00 23:42

Maybe I'll say it in that way. Spin it that way.

SPEAKER_03 23:44

Spin it that way. Just don't walk in the room and be like, hey, you could have me tell you something. You're gonna die. What? Today? No, no, you're not kidding. He'll be like, today? What you mean, Dad?

SPEAKER_00 23:57

What you mean? Remember that you you did you just reminded me. Do you remember that song um by Chris Rock? Remember what Chris Rock did a song? He did a video for this for this song called Um No Sex in the Champagne. And he's but he's not singing, but there's somebody singing at you know toward the end. But like most of the song, the music is playing and he's just talking, right? Like he's giving you like spoken word. Yeah, it's like if it's like a spoken word, he's like the Gil Scott Allen of comedy, right? So yeah, shout out to Chris Rock, right? Because that was a I I love that that song, man. Like that was a good one. But but in part of that song, he goes, I have a horoscope for you, right? And he and he names the you know, I'll just give an example, but he'll say something like Scorpio, you're gonna die.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

He'll be like Sagittarius, you're gonna die. Right? So, and and and I swear, like at first, I didn't know what I don't know if this is what he was getting at, but it feels like the message was the same in retrospect. Now that I'm older and I can look back on it, it's not just a funny song. I feel like he was trying to deliver that same message, you know. Live your life, enjoy, you know, and don't spend too much time worrying or lamenting over stuff or or having regrets. Live your life, because eventually it's gonna be over for all of us. Um so that that's something I definitely want to impart like that to my children. That there's an urgency to kind of like enjoy, to taste, to try things, you know, to experience things, to just to be, you know, in your fullest, the fullest sense, right? Um and and and it's advice that I haven't always taken. There's mistakes that we made that are gonna be lessons for our children. And I feel like one of the mistakes I made is not not learning that soon enough. You think you have time, but you don't have as much time. You don't have as much time as you would like. Especially when you're young, you think you don't think about time much, right? Like when you're in your 20s, you know, especially when you're in your teens, 20s, even your 30s, time is not always foremost on your mind, right? But as we reach this, you know, this Gen X 50, um, it becomes a lot clearer that time is really precious and it's it's not to be wasted on worrying um or regretting things. If you have a question you need to ask, if you have a request that that you need to to get out, you know, um do it. Just do it. You know, the worst that can happen is that you get a no. The worst that can happen is you is that you fail.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

Um and in that failure is gonna be a lesson um of what to do next or or or what not to do.

SPEAKER_03 26:43

Yeah, that's a good one, man. That's a good one. Mine that I have next is a honest man doesn't get hustled.

SPEAKER_00 26:55

Continue, continue.

SPEAKER_03 26:56

Yeah, so I got this one from uh a guy that I grew up with that used to be a scam honor. And he always told me this when we were in our 20s, Gil Rance. Honest man don't get don't get doesn't get hustled because he would always say um the people that he always catches are the people that are looking for something. Something easy, something fast, something cheap.

SPEAKER_01 27:27

I get it.

SPEAKER_03 27:28

So one day I'm I'm working at one of my jobs and I was a manager and I had a staff, and I was telling one of the younger guys um on the staff, and I I told him this, I was like, Yeah, man, honest man. It just came up in uh in a conversation, and I was like, yo, man, honest man doesn't get hustled. And he looked at me and you know, he's like, Listen, come on, old timer man, you know what I'm saying? What that mean? What's that mean? So a month later, he comes back to me and he pulls me to the side. He goes, Yo, Rance, can I speak to you for a second? I say, Yeah, what's up? He said, Yo, you remember what you told me about the honest man not getting hustled? He goes, I was on Photom Road. And just the start of that, you know the story's not gonna end right for him. Just start. I was on Fortam Road and um he he saw a guy who was selling Blu-ray disc. This is when the Blu-ray dish just came out. And the guy was like, Yo, I got Blu-ray disc, I got Blu-ray this. And he picked him out. And he was like, Yo, man, you want a Blu-ray disc? And he said, He looked and he says, How much? You know, when everything first comes out, they're like three to five hundred dollars. So he was charging them maybe he was charging him a hundred dollars for it, man. It fell off the back of a truck. So he goes, Yeah, I'll take it, I'll take it. He goes, he goes to the side side block, pays him the $100. Guy gives him the $100, he takes it home. He goes into like nobody beats the whiz or whatever, he buys himself some Blu-ray discs, uh, some Blu-ray disc this, and he's like, Yo, I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna watch these on my new Blu-ray disc. Nobody has it, nobody got it for this cheap. He takes it home, he opens the box, and it's a box of rocks.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

So he's oh man, shout out to Fordham Row.

SPEAKER_03 29:19

Shout out to Fordham Row. So he says at that moment, he was like, yo, now I understand. I understand what you what you were talking about. So if you think about it, man, it goes this goes back to this goes back to your nothing good comes easy. Like your first. This goes back to your first. Um if you're always looking for a quick fix or a quick score or to get through something easy to do to go to bypass certain steps, in the end, it's not gonna turn out good for you. If you're always looking to get something for nothing, maybe you'll get some satisfaction on your way home with that box. But when you open it up, surprise, surprise, you know, he had a box, a perfectly level box of rocks. He said, he said it was done so well, he had to almost tip his cap off to the dude because the box the rocks were like taped, they didn't shake and move, they didn't make noise, and they were like duct taped in the box. Like they he took his time with this with this hustle.

SPEAKER_00 30:18

I've seen ones where people think they're getting a um a MacBook, you know, like an Apple laptop.

SPEAKER_03 30:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 30:24

And and it's it's a weight or something, you know, looks like a taped up, a taped up rock or something, or a taped up book. Yeah. And they think that they got a they got a MacBook, but what you got is a real appointment. You got a heavy, you got a heavy book, all right, but you don't have a MacBook there. But like, but yeah, like you said, man. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:49

In a in a tennis club. There was a guy in a tennis club who was taking advantage of the patrons, and he was promising them all MacBooks and taking their money. And and he must have made, he must have made about $10,000 before they caught out to him, and then he like skipped town.

SPEAKER_00 31:05

Yeah, man. And and but you're right, you're so right. Like, if you're looking for that easy score, you become more susceptible to being victimized, right? Like, because somebody's gonna see you and see that you're looking for an easy score and victimize you, man. Like they're gonna take advantage of you right away because you know they see that you're looking for an easy way out. It's just like another thing that goes on with Fordham Road, the um the three-card Monty games.

SPEAKER_03 31:30

Oh my gosh, the shell game, the three-card Monty game.

SPEAKER_00 31:32

The shell game, the three-card Monty. The reason people get caught out there is because they're looking for this quick score, right? You become so eager to get that quick money, and they'll show you somebody winning, right? Like you'll be standing there, and and first they let people watch, and you're just watching, and you're seeing people win, and your greed kicks in, and that's when they got you. And you know that you just know that you're gonna win. If the person before you could win, you're fast, right? Like you're you're you got keen eye, hand-eye coordination, right? Why not you, right? But as soon as you start thinking like that, as soon as you think you could score easy, that's when you become easy prey for those that are looking to kind of you know be looking for a mark. But yeah, you're so you're so right. You're not gonna get swindled if you're not looking for anything easy, right? You're not looking for free lunch, so there's no reason for you to get scammed. Yeah, you expect to work for everything you're getting. So yeah, that's a good one. I like that one a lot. Um did you see the kid?

SPEAKER_03 32:30

Did you see the kid who got his diploma snatched away? Because at you didn't see that? This was maybe last month. There was a kid who was graduating, I can't remember the college, but he was graduating and he thought he was in the clear, and he decides to bring his laptop to his graduation and open up and and show everybody all the work that he did on Chat GPT.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

Uh I did hear about this.

SPEAKER_03 32:55

Snatched his diploma from him, sir.

SPEAKER_00 32:57

That's but that's that's not even an example of this lesson. Yeah, that you know that one is a pure pure.

SPEAKER_03 33:04

You know what I mean? But that that's taking the easy way out and being stupid at the same time.

SPEAKER_00 33:09

That is that's a bad combination, man. Pure what they call hubris. You think that you've won, you think you got it all figured out you're so fully yourself that you make a fatal flawed error, fatal mistake. Yeah, man. I can't understand. Like, that's the other thing. Like, I don't know if that's a generational thing. It can't, it's not a I don't think it's a generational thing, because we all have had people like this, but but people that just can't leave well enough alone, man. Like, people don't this is I feel like that's an example more of like not knowing when to shut up or when you've won. Like, yeah, we if you win, man, just walk away. Like, just like like even in in like I said, on Fordamol, you got the three-card Monty game where you got people hustling cards. If I win, you don't stand there and be like, I won! You don't you don't start up and down like it's a game show. You out there in the street, take your winnings and keep it moving. Shut up, just know when to be quiet, know when to keep it cool, man. Like that's another thing. You gotta know when to hold it, no when you know when to fold it, know when to walk away and know when to run. Yeah, know when to run. That's the most important part of that song. Know when to run. Like, get up out of there. And when you if you get your degree and you use chat GPT for all your assignments and you get away with it, you got your degree, just get up out of there, man. Don't say it, don't tell anybody, run, run away from the graduation. Matter of fact, don't even go to graduation. Don't go. I'm gonna be honest. Yeah, if you do that, if you use if you use any AI to get your degree and you get away with it, I'm not suggesting that anybody do this. I think this is a horrible thing to do. I think it's gonna lead, I think. Yeah, like disclaimer, I don't I don't condone this. And I feel like it's gonna lead to stuff like that. It's gonna lead to the downfall of society, right? Like you can't, yeah, you can't use AI to do your all your assignments and and graduate and think that you're gonna succeed for the rest of your life. And maybe you will, but there's gonna be something missing if too many people start doing that, right? So I don't I don't condone that. I don't think anybody should do that, and I think that's not the way that AI should be used at all. But I say all I have to say, if you do happen to use AI to get through all your assignments, and you happen to graduate and get your degree that way, please just stay low. Get out of there. Don't go to graduate, don't even go to graduation. This is my advice, my real advice. If you do that, don't even go to the ceremony, just let them send your diploma. Just just just disappear after that. Don't go to any, and after you graduate, don't go to any alumni events because you might slip up there, you might get drunk at the at the reunion.

SPEAKER_03 35:58

Guess what I did? Yeah, and you may get that person that just graduated with a C that actually was doing all their work. Man, that degree could be revoked at any time.

SPEAKER_00 36:08

They can't get a job, they on the They can snatch that that degree back at any given time. Like just, yeah. If you do that, and I again do not do that, yes, but if you do that and you get away with it, come on, just be quiet. Yeah, you don't rob a bank and then go back to the bank and tell everybody how you how you did it. Like, just get up out of there, disappear, man. You just robbed the the the university, basically.

SPEAKER_03 36:35

Yeah, get out of there, man. You know how those cameras went down? That was me.

SPEAKER_00 36:40

Like what I like I said, it's it's not it's not a generational thing because we've all every generation has had these people that can't help but to to go brag about it or or to or to kind of tempt fate and and and tell somebody what they did, or to go back to the scene of the crime, or or to you know, like just to to gloat, you know, that hubris will will be a downfall every time, man. Just if you win, that's another lesson. I don't I don't have that down here to have all these things written down. But I would say you just brought up a really good lesson that I'm gonna teach my kids to know when you've won, right? Yeah, and be a grace, a gracious winner, right? Be a grateful and gracious winner and don't gloat, you know. Don't let hubris get the best of you is another big lesson that I think me and you should should definitely teach our kids. Humble yourself or be humbled, yo. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, humble yourself or be humble. Be humbled, bro. Yeah, be gracious, be a gracious winner, be grateful, like, but don't gloat. Don't there's no reason to rub it in people's faces, there's no need to brag. Um, it's only gonna lead to something negative, right? Like, you're only gonna draw either negative attention or something like that's gonna happen to you, and they're gonna snatch away your winnings, right? Yeah, so yeah, man. That's a bad one.

SPEAKER_03 37:56

That is a bad honest man, don't get hustled.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

Or get their degree taken away.

SPEAKER_03 38:02

Or get their degree taken away.

SPEAKER_00 38:05

Honest man keeps his degree.

SPEAKER_03 38:07

How about that?

SPEAKER_00 38:08

That's a lesson for all of all of us out here. The honest man gets to keep his degree.

SPEAKER_03 38:13

Doug, you can you imagine? Yo, I couldn't even imagine what I would do to my son if you did that, yo. If he didn't.

SPEAKER_00 38:21

Imagine your family's after graduation and you're doing that foolishness. Your whole family will be.

SPEAKER_03 38:26

You go viral over it so everybody knows what you did too. Like, so now that's literally following him to every job interview, everything. Because that's what they do now. That's what they they look to see job, job. They look to see your social media, they look to see if you're viral, if you're viral for anything good, you have anything bad. Like, this is what this is what they look for. This is gonna be with you for the rest of your life. Like the girl, the woman that was turking on the light pulp at the at the Knicks, the Knicks um the Knicks parade the other day. This is gonna follow you forever, man. So imagine coming home, huh?

SPEAKER_00 39:03

Well, quick tangent. Now that you mentioned that, did you see her follow? So for anybody that doesn't know what we're talking about, obviously the the Knicks had their parade this this past um this this Thursday. This Thursday that they had the Knicks parade because they won a championship, right? So one of the videos that that went viral was of a woman on a light pole in New York City during the parade. She was trying to like kind of get her her footing, and it looked like another woman was trying to try to kind of knock her off a little bit. So she grabs the woman, yanks her, pulls her off the light pole, and throws her down on the ground while she's still hanging on to the light pole. And then the woman tries to grab her, winds up grabbing her by the pants, pulling her pants down, and so the so the woman who's still up there is like twerking while the other woman that she just threw down on it has her pants is punching her in the cheeks. It's punching, it's yeah, she's punching her behind and the woman's still still twerking, right? Like, and then they wind up getting into a fight, you know, later, you know. I think another video I saw they were actually on the on the floor together fighting until somebody somebody kind of jumps in and pulls them apart, right? But then there's a follow-up video where this woman explains that she was not the bully in the situation, and how she was up there, and she was just trying to get her footing, and the woman starts trying to pull her foot off, and so she grabbed her, and you know, she's trying to explain herself. But I just found it funny that she went viral for that, and then she went even, you know, she she got like her 15 minutes of fame, so to speak. Yes, and also felt the need to go back and and um and clear the air the air about the whole situation as she twerked, um, and she kept twerking too, even after they got pulled apart. She wouldn't stop. She just kept she would not stop twerking. I'm like, what is this disease that's causing people to just twerk in any situation? She's in a fight, and she's twerking during the fight. She's twerking before the fight, she's twerking in the midst of the fight and after the fight. I'm like, what is this mental thing that's happening to people where they think that twerking is is the is the appropriate answer to whatever the situation? Like, why? Why are you talking before, during, and after you get into a fight in a parade with thousands and thousands of people out there in New York City? Like, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_03 41:23

Yeah, bad. Yeah, bad.

SPEAKER_00 41:25

Well, so anyway, man, my I'm sorry, man. Like, that was a that was a bad tangent, too.

SPEAKER_03 41:30

Like, I don't know what my point is there, but I don't know either, but but that was a main minute. That was a good main minute.

SPEAKER_00 41:36

Yeah, I don't I don't know. I'm not making any point here, but but cut it out. Just don't do it.

SPEAKER_03 41:41

Yeah, no, that is the point. That is the point. That's the one that we throw it on the block and it comes back, and it's like, yo, don't do it.

SPEAKER_00 41:48

Don't twerk. Don't do it, yo. Oh no, like twerk is not the appropriate behavior for every situation. Like, yes, there's a there's a time and place for twerking. I guess is the takeaway is the takeaway. Yeah, that's another lesson. No, no, no, what that's not a lesson for us.

SPEAKER_01 42:02

But anyway.

SPEAKER_00 42:06

No, that's not you know what? Never mind. Never mind that whole few minutes. Trash that fast forward this part. If you can, I don't know. Do something. So so the other, so the next one I have, I was thinking about this too, man, and um I stole this one too. I stole this one from a Bronx tale. And I I and when I say stole, over the years there's been a few things that stuck with me, and I um I kind of try to incorporate them if they're good lessons, right? Like, so this one from Bronx Tale is um nobody cares, right? And it's something that that in the Bronx in a Bronx tale, um if you've seen the movie, there's a gangster in the movie that kind of takes a young man under his wing, Sonny, and Sonny tells Cologido Cologne, yeah, um, or C for sure. He tells C, look, kid, nobody cares. You know, like you and basically the look the the the reason he's saying that is because Cologido seems to care what other people think.

SPEAKER_01 43:13

Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_00 43:13

He seems to be doing things to save face, right? And Sonny is telling him, look, kid, nobody cares, right? And the way I took that later on in life is that you should do what what is in your heart to do, right? Because I feel like this one is married to the to the you're gonna die advice, right? Because it's the same reasoning to me, right? Like nobody cares, so you shouldn't really be so worried about what other people think. This is also married to the advice you were so you were talking about about taking opinions and advice from people that haven't tried what you're trying to do. They're not interested in what you're trying to do, um, and they haven't failed at what you're trying to do or anything like that. They have no success in what you're trying to do. So don't take their opinions to heart and don't let their opinions certainly kind of Um direct your actions. So when I say nobody cares, I really mean that nobody has time to worry too much about you. I learned that lesson too late too, where because I spent a lot of time kind of like being um, especially as a young person, I felt that I that I needed to not be embarrassed or that people were watching. So I would hesitate to do certain things that that I felt like people wouldn't think wasn't wasn't cool. And as a result, you wind up kind of freezing and doing and almost doing nothing because you feel like every move you make is under a microscope. When really what I learned too late is that nobody's really worried about what you're doing because they're worried about what they're doing. Whatever it is, like your appearance, your actions, whatever you think that somebody's judging you for, most likely in their minds, they they're having some similar challenges themselves. Like they're worried about what somebody else is thinking, they're worried about what they're doing, if they're wearing the right thing, if they they put on an deodorant this morning, if they if they studied hard enough for their exam, if they're ready for their interview, or if they have enough money to pay the bills and pay for food and pay for rent or the mortgage and all this stuff, right? Like if they, you know, if their girlfriend still loves them and if their boyfriend still loves them. Like everybody has so much going on. I can you know that's that's my point is that everybody has so much going on in their own mind that you're not the main character in anybody else's story. Now that's kids to take care of. I'm definitely not gonna maybe tell them, like, hey, nobody cares. At least I'm gonna try not to say it that way. But that's really the takeaway, man. People don't have enough time. There might be people that are criticizing you and talking about you, but they don't really care about what you're doing, man. Like they like you might be like you might be a quick topic of conversation for a few minutes, but believe me, nobody's staying up at night worried about what you're doing. They don't have energy to put too much time into what other people are doing, especially people that are not in their immediate family or people that are not affecting them directly, right? So that's something I want to impart to my son and my daughter for that matter, too. People are preoccupied with their own problems, their own challenges, their own obstacles, and frankly, their own successes and everything, their own love and their own insecurities.

SPEAKER_01 46:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:12

I have to tell my daughter, my daughter one time we were out somewhere, I don't remember exactly, but um, she was like, Well, I'm gonna embarrass you, right? And I told her, I don't get embarrassed, right? And I started yelling at the top of my lungs, I don't get embarrassed. And she started to get embarrassed, right? And it was one of those things where I was just trying to let her know, like, I don't I don't really get embarrassed, like because I don't really care what strangers think anymore, you know, like and because they're not really impacting my life, especially if we're just out in public and in some random place or we're at a restaurant or we're just out somewhere. And and and you have to think about it from your perspective. If you're out somewhere and you see somebody like, you know, maybe their shoe is untied or their pants fall down or something, you might giggle for a second, but you don't really care. You know, you're not gonna keep focused on them for too long, right? Yeah, somebody trips and falls in front of you. It's embarrassing to them, but to you, it's five seconds of like, oh, that person fell. Like you're either gonna feel empathy, you're gonna feel like it's funny, but it's not gonna last long because you got your own stuff to worry about, right?

SPEAKER_01 47:14

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 47:14

And that's what I try to I try to model that for my kids, but that's one day something I that we're gonna have a sit down and have a serious talk about.

SPEAKER_03 47:21

Yeah, yeah, man. That's a good one. That's a good one, man. You know, it's interesting you say that because I had this conversation with someone last week and uh and we were talking about um how people get so caught up in looking around at what's going on, and if you really stop and really look around, you notice that no one's paying you any attention or as much attention as you think. Like we were on a train and someone was like someone was like doing all of this stuff, and they were like looking around, and you can tell them looking to see if somebody's looking at them, looking to see if someone's looking at them. And we were looking at them for a second to see like yo look how crazy they are, but in the in the meanwhile, it's like nobody's everyone's in their own world, especially nowadays, man. Especially nowadays where people just have their head in their phone or even in the books, whatever. You know, like it lasts 15 minutes, 15 seconds, it's all the same thing, man. And at this age, I'm 50 now, bro. I don't care, man. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 48:23

I didn't make and that has a lot to do with it, man. Like, like, like it's a lesson that that really, really hits home for you as you get older, and as as like you said, man in your 50s, man, like it feels like I really don't care. I don't I don't have enough time. Yeah, I don't have enough time to worry about what someone else what some people are thinking about me. Stranger or and sometimes people I know, like I I really don't have time for it, man. I literally don't have enough time. Like, if if we look at it statistically, we got like 20 something decent summers to go if nothing bad happens, right? Like if nothing tragic happens to us, we got 20 some odd years to go, right? So with that in mind, the you know, that type of urgency in me, when I if I if I have a a chance to think about it and reflect on it, I really don't have time to worry about what people think of what I'm doing. As long as I'm not hurting anybody, as long as what I'm what I'm doing doesn't have some sort of like negative impact on anybody, I really don't care anymore what people think that much. If you're somebody I know and I love and I care about, of course I'm gonna take your opinion and I'm gonna process it and I'm gonna do what I will with it, right? But uh and I'm gonna appreciate it. If you give me constructive feedback, or if you tell me like, hey, I sincerely care and here's what what I think, yeah, of course I I can take in information, I can take constructive criticism, I can take um feedback and all that, right? Like I'm I'm not foolish about it. But what I mean is like worrying about what strangers think or worrying about being embarrassed or not doing what I what I feel like I really should do in my heart because of what somebody else may think of it. That is all and and that I wish I had learned a lot earlier. Yeah. Um just really don't get it eventually. One way or the other. Hopefully it's not yeah, hopefully it's not late. You know, I don't want them to get it too late.

SPEAKER_03 50:11

Yeah, that's a good one. Nobody cares. What I got next up is treat everyone with respect and always demand that same respect in return. So I've worked in customer service for 30 years. Yeah, 30 years. One of my pet peeves is when I see like if I'm out at a restaurant or I'm out at a store and I see someone treating like the help or the people that are there trying to help them like they're crap. Um, I've seen people throw money at people. So that's one of the things that I really want to convey to my children, especially my son, is that yo, respect everyone. I really hate when people don't respect other people, especially when they're doing a job for you and you don't appreciate the service that they're providing for you, no matter what they're doing, no matter what type of job they're doing, no matter who they are, what they look like, whatever, give them that respect until they prove to you that they don't deserve that respect. But at the same time, you demand respect from everyone. You know what I mean? You don't let anyone walk over you, you don't let anybody treat you like you're nothing, or anybody disrespect you at your job, or if you're walking down the street in school, whatever. So that's really big on my list. Treat everyone with respect and always demand that same respect in return.

SPEAKER_00 51:46

That's a good one. And um, yeah, that's definitely something I want to impart to my kids as well, right? Like to my son and my daughter. And um, one of the things that you had mentioned before is about how like you worked in customer service for a very long time, right? And it gives you like 30 years, and and and and something like that gives you uh a sense of empathy and a feeling like you can relate to those that have to provide a service to others, right? Like so you know what it's like to have to deal with kind of um customers that could be challenging, right? Um you know what it is to deal with unreasonable requests, right? You know what it is to be having a bad day, but nobody really cares about your bad day. They want the service that they're paying for, and that's that, or the product that they're paying for, and that's all they don't care that the person that's providing the service is having a bad day or just dealt with some unreasonable customer or whatever the case may be. And, you know, for better or worse, or or or you know, whether or not you agree with the customers um that are challenging, like that, that they shouldn't have to care about that, that they should just be getting the service that they they they're paying for. You know, as a person that has also worked in customer service, um, you know, like I worked in technology for about 20 some odd years now, right? But I got my start working at a service desk, a help desk, right? And working at a help desk gave me an extreme amount of empathy um for people that are in the service industry and that are dealing with customers. And um, you know, sometimes you're dealing with unreasonable requests, like I said, and you're dealing with people that are irate um and that are that feel like they're gonna take it out on you because you're at kind of, you know, sometimes it especially at a help desk, they feel like you're kind of at the lowest rum, you know, and they treat and they're treating you that way. Um even though they need you at that moment, but they're not treated. But sometimes they don't realize that the relationship is such that you need me at this moment more so than than I need you, right? Right. Um so it gives me that same kind of empathy for people. So I tend to be a little more patient, especially when I'm on the phone with somebody that's helping me out with something. Um if I'm at a restaurant and I'm, you know, a server is is is serving my family and me. Um yeah, I try to make sure that I'm I'm really like extra nice and extra polite because I understand what it's like, man. Even if I'm with somebody that doesn't really get it, you know, I I try to be that voice of reason, like, hey, you know, this person is not getting paid as much as you get. So relax, you know? Like let's let's have some patience, right? And it's not the end of the world if if if you're they forget to put ice in your drink and you gotta tell them twice, it's not really the it's not really the end of the world, right?

SPEAKER_01 54:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:36

Um, but like you said, in the same token, like you have to demand respect as well, right? Like, so if you feel like you're being treated um as less than for any reason, or you're not getting the the respect that you deserve, you do need to voice your opinion about that. You need to speak up for yourself, and sometimes you gotta you gotta vote with your feet, right? Or you gotta vote, you gotta vote with your dollars, right? So I'm a big believer in that, right? Like it's it's it's something that goes both ways, right? You should treat everybody with respect. If somebody's providing you a service, you should really start out by by providing them the respect that you think you you would want for yourself. And then the same token, if if you're serving, if you're providing a service to me, I expect, you know, to get to get respect as well, right? Because like I said, I'm quick to to vote with my dollars. I'm not one to be yelling and screaming and with any anybody either, right? Like, I'm not gonna be out there yelling how I feel about service or or the you know hospitality. Oh my feet and vote with my dollars, right? Like so. Um, but yeah, it's it's an important one. I I want to impart that to my kids too. Like, you know, you give the respect that you expect.

SPEAKER_03 55:42

Yeah, man, that was good. Yeah, when I was dating, when I was out there dating, yeah, going on all these bad dates before I finally got my wife, you know what I'm saying? That was one of the things that I looked for. Like, I looked for how did you treat uh server? Like, or what was your temperament? That's a good one. Yeah, what was your temperament when we're at at dinner, or um, and maybe your food doesn't come on time, or maybe your food comes and it's not what you ordered, or maybe it's cold or something. What's your temperament like? And how do you how do you talk to these people? So that was one of the things, man. I I'm not gonna lie, it's sad to say, I was disappointed a lot of times. But that was a quick, that was a quick way for you to get ghost to get ghosted. If I didn't like the way that you that you maneuvered around town with other people, just your attitude towards other human beings.

SPEAKER_00 56:38

That's you know that's a good one, man. It says a lot about a person's character, you know, in terms of the the way they the way they treat people that they feel are are are serving them, you know. So so how you treat that person is is a is kind of a um it's a marker of your your character in a way.

SPEAKER_03 56:56

Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_00 56:56

Um that's that's a that that's actually a really a really good one.

SPEAKER_03 57:01

Yeah, the old golden rules, so to speak, you know?

SPEAKER_00 57:03

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 57:04

Everybody wants to be the hammer, you know what I'm saying? But nobody wants to be the nail. And when the nail gets the the nail always has dreams of being a hammer. You know what I'm saying? No matter how they be like, yo, son, man, this is whack, the hammer. I'm the nail. I'm always getting the the the short end of the deal and everything. But that one time that they get the chance to be the hammer, son, that's the rap. That's the rap. They're nailing that, they're hitting all the nails, you know what I'm saying? They forget where they forget where they came from. They forget where they came from. Everybody wants to be the hammer, nobody wants to be the nail, man.

SPEAKER_00 57:38

That's interesting, man. You put it that way, because I feel like that's sometimes that's why people treat other people poorly, because it's their chance to kind of get a little give back or to pay it forward in a bad way.

SPEAKER_03 57:49

Yeah, to pay it forward in the worst way possible. The whole time, the whole time they're sitting there like, yo, this is foul, how they're treating people, how they're treating me. If I was in that position, I would treat people with the respect that I want to be. And then as soon as they get in that position, they turn into the person that was crapping on them, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:08

This is that no, it's it's it's interesting, and it's it's profound. It's like a it's a commentary on like kind of human nature as well. Like, you gotta kind of fight that instinct. Um, because I think that all of us have an instinct to kind of take out our frustrations on other people. Um, but it's something you gotta think about and kind of be intentional about as well, right? Like um, you ever you have you read Tanahasik Codes?

SPEAKER_01 58:32

Yeah, I read that a while ago.

SPEAKER_00 58:34

So he he wrote the book. Um, for those of you that are listening, like he wrote a book called Um Between the World and Me. Um he recently wrote a book called The Message, right? So check him out. But but that it's really not the point of his his read his writings or anything right now, but and it's something that we we can talk about in another episode. But the point is that I, you know, I'm I'm I'm a fan of his, right? So I've I've watched his interviews as well, like on video. Um and one of the things that he talked about in a video um interview was how people, oppressed people don't have a monopoly on on like moral clarity. And the reason I'm reminded of that is because of what you just said about how like you know you want to be the hammer, um, but you don't want to be the nail. And when you when you are the nail, you probably think to yourself, like, wow, if I was the hammer, I wouldn't, I wouldn't treat other nails, I wouldn't treat the nails like this. But as soon as you get a chance, you do kind of take it out on others. Like you do pay it forward in the worst way. And and I'm just reminding you of something that Tan Hossicote said in the interview, and I think I'm paraphrasing it, but it was something like, you know, just because you're an oppressed in an oppressed group, it doesn't give you the monopoly on kind of like moral clarity or or or moral action, right? You gotta be intentional about that. You still have to think through um your your intent with other people, right? Like you still gotta kind of take a pause sometimes and ask yourself like if you're doing the right thing. Just because you're the nail, it doesn't mean that that you automatically will be a good hammer. Yeah, it's just an interesting thing. That's a it's a little bit of a tangent, but it just reminds me of of something that I I kind of keep that with me. This idea that that um just because you're a trust, it doesn't give you a monopoly on morality, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:22

There you go.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:23

Um you gotta you still gotta think through it and you still gotta be intentional about that, right? Um but yeah, that's a that's a really good one.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:32

Um got anything else? What you got next?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:35

Um the last one I have is it goes back to I think uh a story that I told about my father last episode. Like I, you know, I had a fact over funny yesterday about my father, and um, we were talking about whether or not I can remember anything directly that he had told me as as a as a piece of advice that he gave to me, right? And I told a story about one time like, you know, a neighbor came by and wanted sugar, and I was told na you know, we didn't have any. And then when when my father found out, he kind of told me, like, listen, if anybody ever comes asking for food, if you have it to give, give it to them, right? Share, right? And it sounds corny, man, but I, you know, as we were eating dinner tonight, I I reminded my father of that because you know, my wife has us kind of go around and say, like, you know, what fatherhood means. And she makes my kids say a little something about like how they feel about me as a father. And and um, I told that story to both my parents. I kind of reminded them of when that happened. And my father didn't really remember it, but I told him like it kind of had a profound impact on me, even though I was a little kid. It taught me that you know, you gotta break bread. I guess is it's a short, the short way to say this, this, this lesson is that I want to like I want to make sure that my kids know that they need to have like kind of a giving heart, you know, and that doesn't mean like always giving off your finances either. It doesn't mean that anytime, anytime somebody has their handout for money that you you give out whatever's in your pockets. That's not what I mean by it.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:02

But it means that as much as possible, man, like you you share, man. It doesn't, and it doesn't have to be something as literal as your food or your money. It can be your time. It can be your time, it can be you can lend the ear when somebody needs it. Like, like we said, we talked about the whole mental health thing and how sometimes it's it's it's your duty just to be um kind of just recognizing that you might be the person that someone else needs in that moment, right? And that's what I mean by like kind of break bread in the way that you can, right? Yeah, in the way that you have capacity to as well, because sometimes you don't have capacity, right? Like some you can't do it all the time for everyone, because there'll be times where you don't have capacity, there'll be times where you're in need. But I guess what I'm trying to impart to them is that as much as you can, when you can, in the situations you can, and for whom you can, be that person that breaks bread. You can afford to kind of um to be that person that's a helping hand, right? Um But yeah, I f I feel like what once I give that lesson though, and once I talk to them about that enough, I feel like I want to tell them also like to balance it, right? So this is gonna be a tricky isn't it's a tricky conversation because I don't want my kids to be the type of people that are taking advantage of at all.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:20

You can't fill from an empty cup. That's the next message to say you can't, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:24

That's an that's kind of like the subtext of of this lesson, is that like there has to be like that part two of it where I'm saying, like, hey, you can't fill from an empty cup. Like you the most I guess the the important part is what I was saying uh a few seconds ago about having capacity. If you have the capacity to do so, then you know I would say that it's best you're gonna feel good about yourself if you can share that, especially with the people you care about, the people you love, your friends, um, your family, um, those closest to you. If you have the capacity, and it's not a situation where you're being taken advantage of, it's not a situation where, like you said, like this an honest man, somebody's trying to scam an honest man.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:05

Decent man, don't get hustled. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:08

Decent man. Decent man not getting hustled. Um that's what I mean. Like there's gonna be some balance in the in the way that I try to um teach my kids about that. But in in general, that's what my father had taught me with that the just in the way he kind of looked at me, he's like, listen, man, don't ever refuse somebody food, you know. And it felt like very literal um at the time, but I feel like that applies to a lot of other things. I do, I I did take that to heart too. Like, you know, and it feels like that's kind of a cultural thing, too, where that's how we celebrate, that's how we show love is through food. So I think in a sense, like when he was saying it, like it's very literal, like it is very literal, like where he's saying, like, you know, if you could break bread, literally break bread. Because that's how that that is how you show love. So that's another lesson that I definitely want my kids to understand. Like, that's traditionally how how we show love.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:03

How we especially if you're blessed to have excess, even if it's just a tiny bit of excess. If you're gonna be okay, you know what I'm saying? If you're gonna be okay, then you should always give.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:15

Yeah, like and it and it's and it's how we culturally like it's how we celebrate things, it's how we we show that we care, it's how we invite people in, it's how we welcome you. Like it's it's it's so much in that, right? Like when when I talk about that lesson, it's so layered, and I think my father meant it very literally, but I took it to to be something that could be applied to a lot of things. But when you think about the that that literal layer of it, it is how we show our love, it's how we show care, it's how we celebrate things, it's how we come together um and we commune and we build and and and and oftentimes it's over a meal.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:50

Yeah, absolutely. All right, my last one is keep your friends close and your family closer. You know, everyone always talks about keep your friends closer and your enemies closer. Nah, bro. I believe in circling the wagons, baby. You know what I'm saying? Like your friends should make you better and not worse. I'm also a proponent of your friends making you better and not worse. But you should keep your friends close and your family closer. Because I don't want somebody who's plotting my demise to make it so close into my inner circle. Because now I've just made it easier for you to plot my demise. You know what I'm saying? So I don't want my enemies closer. I want them as far away from possible, man. You know what I mean? I don't want them infiltrating anything, any aspects of my life with my family, with my friends. I don't care what they're doing over there, and I don't want to give them an opportunity to care what I'm doing over here so they can try to disrupt things, yo. So that's what my thing. Keep your friends close and your family closer, man.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:58

I like it. I like it. And I would just add, I guess I don't want to complicate this, man, but but in my mind, like I'm thinking, like, like you said, like sometimes you have people around you that are kind of like that don't mean you any good, or or it might not be as deep as them plotting your demise.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:16

But even family members could sometimes be like just kind of like hanging on, waiting for something, right? Like they have ulterior. Like even family sometimes has ulterior motives or or they're there just for for the ride. Like they're not really there with the best intentions, right? Like sometimes, like I've heard family called like an accident of blood, you know. And yeah, you know, I'm I'm probably you know, sometimes I feel like I'm the wrong person to speak on some stuff like this, because I'm I'm overly cautious because of just the way I was I was raised in like a small unit in my house. Like my family's huge in terms of like the numbers and people I'm related to. But the way I was raised for a lot of reasons that we could get into it, a whole nother episode could be devoted to this. But you know, I was raised in kind of a smaller unit in my household, actually, like with my nuclear family, even though my my actual family is it's large, yeah. It's large, like huge, right? Um but and like I said, like and and I'm not I I can't, I'm not like I agree completely with what you're saying, right? But but um I would just say like if if because because the lessons that that you're talking about, like are things that I'm considering like imparting to my own kids, right? Because me and you talk about this all the time. Like we too we exchange information about what's happening with our families and what we think about these things and the type of things you're gonna tell your kids, right? So anything that you you say, like I I consider it as something like, yo, I'm I might want to put this in in in my my list of speeches, yeah, you know, if I haven't already, you know, if I haven't already. But sometimes like my life is such that um I'm even careful about even even the people that you would think would be should be closer, um, or I should be closer to. I'm I'm a little careful about it because uh I think because of the bias that I grew up with because of the small unit that I was brought up in, because of, you know, just the way my family was, just a nuclear family and a household with without a whole lot of um um I want to call it, I don't want to call it support. I don't know what to call it, man, but but for reasons that I could get into in another episode. Um, I feel like like my family kind of like you said, like circled the wagons at some point.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:27

Yeah, you gotta circle the wagons, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:29

And those wagons didn't get uncircled. They never they never got uncircled for for years. I mean, I shouldn't say never, but like, you know, like sporadically, it would have uncircled.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:37

Well I say when it comes to my family, you're bound by blood. Like this is your family, you always supposed to help out your family, and sometimes because you're bound by blood, your family, there are family members that will take advantage of that. You know what I mean? That's a hundred percent. That's a hundred percent that family members will take advantage of advantage of that. But if I'm not bound by blood, I don't want you anywhere near me, son. If you know what I mean, it's easy. I always feel too like it's even though it may hurt more, it's easier to deal with uh a relative than a stranger. You know what I'm saying? Because they're relatives, it's easier to me to deal with them than you.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:15

You you know, but it's very interesting, man, that you're saying this because I I like I said, like, I don't want to complicate this and disagree about all this stuff, man. But yeah, sometimes I felt that it's harder, like sometimes to deal with family because because they're bound by blood, there'll be situations like where if you weren't bound by blood, I could like let's say you were you were doing something for me, right? Like you do it, you did a job because because y'all found out that you know you have a certain skill and I need some work done, right? You do the work for me. What do I do when you when it's when it's messed up, or you don't come back for for two weeks, or yeah, you don't, you know, like you don't come back to to follow up, or whatever the case may be, or you or you cheat me out of some money, or whatever, whatever, you know, whatever the case may be, right? Like it's for me, it's like, okay, if you're a stranger, then I I have recourse. Like there's things I could do. And if we're not bound by, like you said, like we're not bound by blood, there's a lot of measures you can take that you're not gonna feel any any any conscience about, and nobody else in your family is gonna care about either. But it feels like once you mix in family on certain situations, your hands become tied in terms of how far you can you could take like how you respond because Yeah, your response to it because you have that emotional tie. Your response is limited, and and the ties that bind, so to speak.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:39

See, I look at it like this, and I always say this, like I tell this to people, like you think that I you think that I'm honest to you, you should see how I am to the people that I actually love. There's a certain freedom, there's a certain freedom in our friendship, like you and I, let's just talk about you and I, like there's a certain freedom that we can tell each other something. Like, I could just be like, yo, I can I'm gonna say whatever I want to say to you, bro. Like, I'm gonna say, and there's a certain certain freedom in that with me. With somebody on the outside, I really just don't care, man. You know what I mean? Like, I really just don't care. You know what I'm saying? I just don't want you around. I don't want you, you know what I mean? I don't even want to waste the energy on it. But and I feel like if you want something bad to happen or you're trying to do something bad by me, if I say something to you, you don't care anyway. You know what I'm saying? So so you don't care anyway, you have no emotional attachment to me. I kind of feel like it'll sink in more to the person that's closest to me. You know what I mean? And and and you would hope so.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:44

Like I guess I agree with you to a certain extent.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:47

But they're both I see you're both angles. I see both angles.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:49

Yeah, I I I would hope that's the case. Like that, and and I would hope, like, like you said, like because of the you know, yeah, but you're bound by blood, so to speak, like you said, you would hope that um yeah, man. That family members are not like kind of looking to do you any harm or or or looking for any ulterior motive um to deal with you, you know, whatever the whatever it is, right? Um but I but I feel like like I said, like this is kind of this has to be kind of personal to me, I guess. Man, I don't know if I'm the only one that feels this way, but I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:21

Nah, each very different because we have the same, we have the same theory and we have the same answer to the question, but it we just we just it's just flip-flopped.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:30

Yeah, I'm very much leery.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:32

Yeah, we're the flip side of the same coin, so to speak. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:36

I'm very leery. Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't, I guess, yeah, I I like I'd be I would be more hurt.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:42

I would be more hurt by it. Yes, and then I also know like like in a twisted way, I would at least be able to hurt you back. And get in the group chat, you put it in the group chat or the whole thing. You would have said that you would and you would care, like you would really care. You know what I'm saying? Like, I feel like it's strange to get the same way. Yeah, said like, you know, I could shame you. I could put the shame on you in the family during the family union. You know what I'm saying? You could I could put the shame on you, the family union, the cookouts, everything. You know, you have to deal, you have to deal with me. You have to deal with me, dogs you have to deal, you have to look at my face and see.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:24

Yeah, there's no there's no real escape, I guess. When you put it on that. There's no recourse for you. You can't hide, yo. Yeah, you can't hide forever. Like you can't just you can't disappear.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:34

I guess, yeah, I guess, I guess when you put it that way, that's that's one way, that's one way to look at it, um, for sure, man. But I yeah, I always felt like I I don't have the heart to like to chase down a family member that that would owe me something. Or like, you know, I try not to deal with family in that way. Yeah, because I don't I don't have it in me to to like chase after a person.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:56

Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:57

And I feel like blood tie with um, so I I just I guess I just like protect myself from that from the very beginning, right? Um in a in a in a lot of different situations that like I said, it'd probably take a whole episode to understand what exactly I think about.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:11

I don't want the smoke, I don't want the smoke, but I want the smoke. You know what I'm saying? You know, some of you don't want the smoke, but I don't want to smoke.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:18

Yeah, I I I I literally don't, I I don't like you know, when it comes to when it comes to smokes to that, I just don't. I don't yeah, man. I don't want any smoke at all. Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:28

Do you know? So that was.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:29

I try to keep the peace. But um, but yeah, I mean, I but but uh yeah, in general, like I I think I get what you're saying perfectly. Um circular wagons and and like you know, keep your family close is definitely a good rule of thumb in general. Yeah, and I feel like as time goes, like that's that's definitely something I want to impart to my to my kids, even if it's just like our immediate little nuclear family, and then you know, when they have a family, like you know, even if that even if it has to start over like with me and and them, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:00

Yeah, dogs. So absolutely, absolutely agree. There you go. So that's the blueprint of father's lessons to his children and his sons in particular. And this concludes, not only concludes episode 45, but this concludes our month of the man. It's been real of our episodes for men's health month. Men's Health Month, Men's Mental Health Month, um, what else? Father's Day. Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:42

Um it's been exciting, it's been an exciting weekend, right? Like or like the past few days have been crazy, right? Like you got the Knicks winning, the Knicks winning.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:51

Father's Day. It's the World Cup, the USA. The USA won its group for the first time, I think, ever, if I'm not mistaken. I could be this really football. I think this is the first time we've ever won our group, and we won it in only two matches.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:10

In only two matches. Yes, this has been an unprecedented historical few days, man.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:16

Um, yeah, I'm I'm I'm glad, man. I'm excited for New York, too, man. Like it is your y'all had the Puerto Rican Day Parade. Yeah. The Brazilians that took over the club. Yeah, the Brazilians took over the city for the World Cup. You know, man, I would hate to be a city worker.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:35

This is a time.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:36

Yeah, yeah. This is a time, man. New York is having a good little run right now. I'm I'm happy to see it, man. It's it's it's exciting.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:43

Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:44

Um, it's exciting. And I think I think we did a good job of covering stuff on behalf of the men for you know, men's health month and men's mental health month. I'm seeing like it's probably, you know, it it's it's coincidental, I guess, in a way, because it makes sense and it's fitting. But I'm seeing um some other podcasts out there, like, you know, that I follow, they're they're also doing this, but they're doing it kind of after us, like the mental health discussions and stuff like that. Like I see that like we're trying to coincidentally, like after I don't know, yeah. I don't want to I I don't want to say that like that, but it's like, okay, of course, it's you know, it's not we're not the only people that that are that are aware that it's month, you know, yeah, men's mental health month and men's health month and all that. Um, so I don't want to say it like that, but it just it did feel good to see kind of um some other influences and podcasters out there that I follow and that I respect kind of doing the same thing, but doing it like a step after. Yeah, doing it. They were kind of a step behind, so to speak. Yeah, we got yeah, we got a little, we got a little mom pop shop. Yeah, we got a little little family shop going here.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:53

And um we got about 300 square footage, uh little shop, a little three thing jumped into this little storefront here.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:01

Yeah, we got the little storefront, and I see the you know, the Walmarts of the Podcast game, they they're they're doing the same thing, but they're they're a little step behind. So I felt like, oh, okay, we were on the right, we're on the right path, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:13

Um you see when you see the enterprise level podcasters doing what we're doing, and then you know, but yeah, nah, uh but it's all good. I mean it's it's great actually. It's great. I feel like our like we're part of the you know, we're part of the mix now. Yeah, we're we're in that ecosystem, exactly. We're part of the ecosystem, and our and in our small little way, like we're contributing, you know. Um so if it feels it feels good, man. It feels like we're we're doing it, we're doing what we set out to do. Yeah, you know, is the most important thing, and we're having a good time doing it. Um somebody made a comment, like one of our uh our old friends made a comment that we're one of the podcasts they can listen to with their kids in the car.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:54

And um, and the kids ask like what's so funny while they're laughing. Yeah, um, and I felt good about that because um, you know, it's just it's just good, man. Like we'll it's it's part of our mission of what we set out to do to be a podcast that you can listen to with your family, yeah, that does entertain you and make you laugh and add some value, hopefully, and makes you think about something that in a and at least think about it in a way that maybe you haven't before. Even if it's not completely new to you, maybe we're giving you some perspective and making you think about it in a way that you haven't. Um, even if we're making it funny for you and making you laugh about it, um, is something that that I feel I feel really good about it, man. It's it's it's some of the unintended um results of this is that people have reached out in different ways and and told us, like, hey, I'm really enjoying what you guys are doing.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:40

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:41

So, so that feels good, man. So it's it's kind of unexpected. Yeah. But it feels good every time. Like it never gets old, like you, you know, when when I hear that solo. So it's really cool, man. Uh, and I'm I'm really appreciative of it.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:54

Yes, we are. Yes, we are. So thank you. And shout out again to all the fathers out there that are listening to us.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:00

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:01

We see you and we hear you, and we're here for you. That sounds like a that sounds like a PSA, right? That's it.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:10

It sounds like you're gonna get a phone call. Like, hey, we said you were here for me.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:14

Hey Ranch, you said you said somebody's gonna catch you at the gym. You know what I'm saying? So this concludes, concludes episode 45 of the Gen Expertise Podcast. Shout out to our now day 45s, our day ones, and everyone in between. And as usual, and as always, shout out to our day one, day one, salute. Salute to you, salute to you. Orange and blue skies everywhere, baby. You say I got the orange shirt on today, son. I'm gonna have on some type of orange for a long time.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:50

Yeah, it's still orange and blue skies.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:52

It's gonna be sickening, yo. Y'all gonna be sick of me. You know what I'm saying? But you know what, man?

SPEAKER_00 1:21:58

Since we are prolific.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:00

That's right, my brother. We are prolific. We will be back next Wednesday, same Gen X time, same Gen X place, next in five. We outside. Power to the podcast. Power to the podcast.