Who Am I Now

Who Am I Now? is a heartfelt conversation about identity, reinvention, and finding yourself in every season of life. When the roles change, the kids grow up, the career shifts, or life looks different than you expected—who are you now? Join us as we talk honestly about growth, purpose, and embracing the next version of yourself.

#BeautifulChaosPodcast #WhoAmINow #PersonalGrowth #SelfDiscovery #WomenEmpowerment #LifeTransitions #FindingYourself #MidlifeJourney #PurposeDrivenLife #PodcastLife

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:03

Have you ever stopped for a second and looked at your life and thought, wait, who am I now?

SPEAKER_01 0:12

All the time. Somewhere between raising kids, building a life, showing up for everyone else, work, family, home. We just lose little pieces of ourselves along the way.

SPEAKER_02 0:23

Yeah, for sure. And it doesn't mean that anything's wrong. It's just different.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Yeah, and it's a different, I think, and enough of us just don't talk about, so we don't ever feel prepared for.

SPEAKER_02 0:34

Yeah. So today we're talking about that moment when you start asking, who am I now? And how to rediscover yourself in the middle of life's beautiful chaos.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

It's a beautiful chaos. It's a beautiful chaos. Sometimes I'm gonna put a sweet cushion.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

Welcome to Beautiful Chaos and our episode Who Am I Now? I'm Tammy Ramsey. I'm Stacey Miller. And we're gonna hopefully talk about some things that you can relate to. Um, because I feel like at especially women, I mean I'm sure men too, but especially us women hit this moment in our lives at some point where we lose our identity, whether it's as a young parent or a parent with a graduate, graduating right senior.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

Or going through like career changes. A lot of us go through career changes. It's really normal. I've seen some statistics, it's really normal for women, especially to completely change their career path around 40, which worked out really well for me because that's exactly when I changed my career path. But um, it's really normal to change your career path at 40. And that I think generally lines up with the timeline when women are getting out of raising their kids to some degree, not necessarily that they're based out of the house at 40, but maybe they're more independent by the time you're 40, or they're in high school by the time, and so your kids are finding their identity, and so you are trying to find maybe a new path for yourself as well.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

Yeah, I do feel so when with all of my kids, I always became very involved in whatever they were involved in. Like I was involved in theater because Treschelle auditioned for a play with Mrs. Klinger. Oh, okay. And then I ended up helping with music on a record player, and kids were like enamored. What is this? Is there a button to push? Like now the record players are are popular with the kids.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

They all have vinyl at home. It's fabulous. Maybe not record players so much as the records themselves. You've noticed kids will have like a collection of vinyl, but they don't actually play them or know really how to skip songs and stuff.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

Anyway, that's funny. Yeah, they actually they did not know. But anyway, that that was where I first got back into theater, and I did it to be involved with what my kids were involved with. And I and I worked too, but so whatever drives us, like for me, it was my kids, and I was always involved in somehow dance also. So I ended up doing choreography for Mrs. Klinger also because I was always involved with dance stuff. But at some point, our our lives shift and things change, almost like the when you're raising your kids that you make different friend groups, group of friends.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

You do, based off of their friend groups or which sports or things that they're involved with, and then you end up sitting with different softball moms and soccer moms, and you do end up kind of modifying your friend groups a little bit with that.

SPEAKER_02 4:04

Yeah, and there's there's always some that just stand out that are always there, but those are also changing things. So I think that realizing a role is changing is huge. So for me, it was every every every kid that graduated, there was something different about the the graduation. We already talked about seasons of children's lives and the other episodes and and all of that. So I'm gonna sort of focus on what happens when your kids graduate. Because in my my world, when James graduated, I had that empty nester feeling and lost who I was for a hot second. Like who am I now if I'm not James's mom? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

And I did things like we were involved in theater. Yeah, like you did your own things, but you a lot of your identity was still tied to James. Yeah. So for me it was a little different because thankfully I had a best friend when my kids were really little, and I was starting to get into the habit of like mm wrapping my world into their world and everything being about them. And she pulled me aside one day and said, You need to have your own identity because one day these kids are going to move out. Our job is to raise them to move out, and when your kids move out, if you have spent your these 18 years wrapping your whole life into their life, you're gonna feel like they left you. And your goal is actually to have them leave. And so find your identity now. And that was around when Blake and Lindsay were probably about like three and five-ish. And then I was a single mom for the next 11 years, and so my my world really did revolve around them a ton. And like I was their soccer coach and I was their t-ball coach, and I, you know, I helped with everything that I could help with when they were little, but I always had that in the back of my mind that my entire job is not just being their mom. And of course, I worked in whatever and did theater, and we it did have, and theater was for the kids also, but it was for me, and there were shows that I did that the kids weren't involved in. And I think that I having that gift of being given that advice when they were really little gave me all of those years to not only like hold on to everything, but to know that this isn't going to last. So when my kids moved out, I did okay. I mean, I definitely cried a couple of times with each kid, but I think for the most part, I mean, it also helped that I had gotten married when my kids were in high school, and I was kind of it wasn't like we had established this whole life and then there was an empty nest. It was we had a little couple years of chaos with everybody in the house, and then it was time for just us and our dogs. Yeah. But I didn't, I kept my identity the whole time, I think. And I and going to school and things, the things that I did do for myself, I think were really important. And yeah, so it was really depending on where you are in your life, I think you can get take something very different from this podcast. Because if you are still in those early years, I think it's important to maybe hear our perspective from years later and how we've redefined our identities. But also, if your kids are really little, start planting that in the back of your mind now because it's gonna make you better better for the wear later because it is hard. It the silence at home is deafening when you're used to constant chaos at home and having kids running around and everybody mad at each other for who didn't didn't turn off the bathroom light, left their dirty clothes on the floor, whatever, right? But yeah, but there's a lot of other ways that we could change our roles throughout our lives. It's not just with our kids, it's also with school and career, our husbands, our goals with our spouse. Because it's possible that our spouse changes our path with us and we either jump on and ride the ride or or not. And um, yes, in your community, how we can benefit our community and be part of it, and that can modify your title and your role as well.

SPEAKER_02 8:08

Right. And I think that um uh tying into the marriage thing, like I got really scared when well, I had like a really weird senior year, James, because he was an early dad. So he was 17 years old when he found out that he was gonna be a dad, and he quit, he quit football, quit basketball, didn't do anything. So all of a sudden I went from gonna have senior year of all these sports to losing it all and feeling like it I was like a person a widow. Yeah, like it was yeah, I was personally invested in this because I sat on those benches, I froze my butt off for football. And you want senior night, yeah, yeah. So so yeah, and then so that was like a loss, and then he moved out, and then that was that was a loss, even though I knew because I told all my kids, just remember don't let the door hit you in the push when you're when you leave, you know, because you're 18, you're out, man. I'm not your hotel motel free place to live, unless you want to go to college full time, I will support you in that manner. But anyway, so yeah, so that that kind of shifted a lot. And then at the same time, while those while those things were happening, my role in the farming ranching part of things shifted because Louie and Trichelle came on board and Trochelle wanted to really make her mark in ranching, yeah. And so therefore I felt, and this is me, this wasn't her telling me, right? I felt like there can't be two hens in a hen house. You think there could, but there can't. Right. And I felt like I needed to step back and let her totally invest herself and build herself and her identity as that manager in that position, and not feel like she's trying to, you know, has to push me out or whatever, cause anyone.

SPEAKER_01 10:05

Well that there's oversight happening.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

And she's an amazing, she's so good. Amazing, so good. And she's very welcoming as far as, you know, I mean, if I if she needs help, I can go and help anytime I want to, which is awesome. But but I felt lost for a hot second then too. So I I think that what I'd like to share with this episode is that if you take any of what we're saying and you can relate to any of it, I I hope that they know that we can form this community of we're all really the same. Right. We all really we have a 15-year age difference, but things that we talk about are very relatable to each other. Absolutely. And it's it's it's nice to know that you're not alone in your feelings.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

Yeah, and I think if if I wanted everyone to take something from this episode, it's gonna be just to make sure that you always have something in your life that just keeps you grounded, whether it's friendships or stuff you do in the community outside of your norm, right? Outside of your job or outside of your family, that you have other things in your life that's keeping you grounded somewhere. Maybe it's through church, maybe it's through your community, maybe it's through friendships, um, close-knit, you know, extended family connections, whatever that is, the more you are keeping yourself grounded, filling your cup up, the things that you're doing for yourself. We're terrible at taking care of ourselves, but the more you can have make yourself a priority in certain things, then as all these life changes keep happening, you're still hanging on to your like core identity.

SPEAKER_02 11:41

Right. And I think it's important if you get lost in these moments to think back to prior to kids, what did I like to do? Right? Yeah, like before my life became busy with running kids everywhere and being so tied to them, what were my hobbies? What like I love to paint, love to dance, love to sing. So, you know, I think that it's important to to go back to your uh beginnings because a lot of us you you know, we might have missed the opportunity to follow our dreams or to have hobbies because we went right from high school to college to having kids, or right from high school to having kids. So, yeah, I think that's that's something that was helpful for me was to look back and go, what what are the things that I enjoyed? What did I what did I do? I I can remember telling uh the kids, I was like, Do you realize? And this was years ago, I've had kids, uh raised kids for 26 years, 29 years. Well now it's longer than that. But we went from James was still in high school to Treschelle having our first grandchild. Yeah. So we never went without the kids, and and so I had to give myself permission, okay, watch our permission to rest, because we gotta give ourselves permission to rest. But I had to give myself permission to find something for me. Yeah. That I enjoyed because you can't enjoy life if you don't have something that you enjoy for just yourself, I think.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

Right. Well, and and I think also it's important to like maybe when you're revisiting your past and you're looking at the things you used to like to do, maybe those aren't things that will fit into your schedule anymore or things that interest you the way that they used to. Don't be afraid to try something new either. Oh, yes. And what I love about social media, I think these days, and I know there's less and less to love about it anymore. But one thing that's nice is that groups do network on there. And so there's I'm constantly seeing, hey, there's this event happening. Do you you know, do you want to be interested in this event? Do you want to go to this, you know, paint uh pottery and or this other like paint and wine sip night and all these things? And I'm like, I want to do all of those things. Those all sound fun. They might not be like the things that I've done in my past, but those all sound like great new things to try. And so go to your local community park that's putting on a concert all summer and hang out with people, and you might find something to do there. Or you might walk around and see one thing that I've seen people in this community actually do since we've started music in the park is see the vendors and go, I could make that, or I could sell something, or I want to put up a booth, and then they create a uh like a side hustle or like their own little business of their own, and they've been coming and now they're successful, and everyone knows them not as so-and-so from this community or the so-and-so's mom, but they know them as hey, my my girl, I get my wax from, or I get yeah, I get my earrings from, or I go to her whenever I need a new like mug that says something really cute on it. So yeah, there's lots of different ways to find your niche in the world.

SPEAKER_02 14:58

Yeah. And um always remember that no matter like we've talked about all along, there's seasons in life and seasons change. And it it doesn't always have to you don't have to look at it as the end of something, you can look at it as the beginning of something new, and you're not losing yourself, you're meeting a new version of yourself, creating a new version of yourself.

SPEAKER_01 15:23

Well, and I think this is a really great time to bring up something that we brought up a long time ago, which is like when I was first looking at starting college, it was very late in my life. I started going to college at 34. I graduated at 40 because we changed uh things a couple of times in that process. Um, but I so the quote that really got me was um whatever it is you're waiting on, do it anyway, because the time's gonna pass whether you do it or not. And so if you think about that quote, it doesn't matter what the thing is you want to try. Maybe you do want to go to school. Well, the next four years are gonna pass anyway. Maybe you just want to do a really cool like certificate program that they have through like a technical school. Well, those six weeks are gonna pass anyway, or 12 weeks or whatever it is. And so might as well just do it. And then at the end of those six or 12 weeks, you have something to show for it. You have a new skill, you have new accolades, whatever it is, right? Or if your next goal in life is to be, you know, regular at the gym, well, the next whatever is gonna pass anyway. So let's create that new habit and start it. Or you wanna be active, you wanna be, you know, improve your health in in whatever way, start making those little changes every day so that you can look back in a year or look back in two years and go, wow, I I didn't just let that time pass, I did something with it.

SPEAKER_02 16:42

Yeah. I didn't just sit back. Well, and and don't think about it too hard because I always say, don't listen to the butt. Right. Well, I could go back to school, but I don't want to work that hard. Or I could go back to school, but do I really have time? Right. If you just from butt on, ignore or just put your head down and do it. Right. Like I take online classes and I don't I'm not gonna get a certificate, I'm not gonna get a degree, but I'm getting the education and information, yeah. So hopefully some of what we're saying has resonated with you in some way. Hopefully you've um can um I don't know, reach out and comment, like say yes in our comments if you have ever felt any of these things, if you've ever felt lost, if you've ever felt like you don't know who you are and you have to reinvent yourself.

SPEAKER_00 17:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:38

Gosh, maybe it's a divorce. Maybe you've gone through a ferocious divorce and you were married for 20 years and you have no idea. That's a great time to reinvent yourself.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

Great clean slate, absolutely. And also let us know if you decide after this that you are gonna say yes to something and you are gonna try something new because it's so fun to just learn something new, try something new, put yourself out there. And you know, there's there's so much out in life, and we have to experience as much as we can on this beautiful earth that we've been given, you know? And and maybe it's just that you know, I haven't let myself travel, and even if it's just a a day trip somewhere, give yourself a good Sunday afternoon and take yourself a couple hours out of town and go go to a zoo, go visit something, go somewhere, do something.

SPEAKER_02 18:26

Yeah, I love it. Gosh, windsurf. I don't know. I videoed somebody windsurfing and I was like, dang, that looks fun. I mean, I'm sure it would probably be But it was fun a lot of years ago.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

Yeah, a lot of years ago.

SPEAKER_02 18:40

I would probably try it now and be like, oh my gosh, my neck, I can't move. And then you're gonna be in pain for the next three days. Okay, so stupid. I'm glad I said it out loud. So I won't be windsurfing, but I have battle board.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

You can be on the boat watching other people windsurf.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

There you go. Because just being on the boat would be great. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

We have to we have to work within our parameters here, everybody.

SPEAKER_02 19:03

So let's be safe about what choices we're gonna make. That's right. If you're like me and you're 60, but in your mind you think you're 25, pay attention to your 60-year-old body and what it can really do and not do.

SPEAKER_01 19:13

And I another thing is have somebody to have somebody to hang out with. And that sounds kind of funny to say it that way. But have make sure that like your identity doesn't necessarily have to be you nourishing yourself in other ways alone. But maybe like Tammy and I can talk after this and be like, you know, let's do this uh painting class. Let's do that. Actually, we are having a craft night on Sunday. We are and we're gonna be painting. But you know, whatever it is, like phone a friend. Phone a friend, maybe that you haven't talked to recently and say, Hey, I'm thinking about taking this like water aerobics class. Would you come with me? Or I want to try this, you know, yoga meditation thing. Would you come with me? And maybe you're actually gonna build a different friendship that you weren't expecting because you build it off of like a new adventure and a new skill that you're learning. But yeah, bring somebody along with you.

SPEAKER_02 20:04

I love it. Like doing a podcast. Yeah. Do that together. By the way, I did sign you up for uh water aerobics with me. Thanks. You and Aunt Sue, but for seven o'clock. I'm not sure how you're gonna make that work with your schedule. No, it's fine. We got this. But there you go. So um, if you're in this space right now, just know that you're not alone. Yep. And I think that we as women and believers in uplifting, straightening each other's crowns, all the things that we need to just know that we're all in this together. Yep. Um and maybe the question isn't who am I? But maybe it's who I want to become next.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Yes. We're just giving that one life, guys. That's right. Take advantage of it.

SPEAKER_02 20:48

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 20:49

Live to the fullest.

SPEAKER_02 20:50

Totally. You you the thing that you're gonna end up on your deathbed with is memories. It's not gonna be all your furniture, it's not gonna be your closet full of clothes, it's not gonna be all the shoes you own. It's going to be the memories that you've shared in your life. So go make some memories. Absolutely. And share this with a friend. If you think there's a friend that's going through this, like maybe they've got kids that are graduating, maybe they're gonna be empty nesters, maybe it's their first kid that's graduating and they're feeling kind of at a loss because that kid is like the one that helps out with all the other kids. Right.

SPEAKER_01 21:24

Or they're changing careers and they're starting out a brand new path. Support them, see how you can help. How can I support your business? How can I support your side hustle? Whatever it is that your friend might be going through, try and find a way to help support them in that.

SPEAKER_02 21:35

Yeah, that's great. And then don't forget to subscribe so that you will know what's coming next because you will get notified as soon as we have a new episode out every Monday. Every Monday. Yeah. So stay next time. See you next time. Stay empowered. Well, we almost had it. See you next time.