When Other Kids Tell Your Child A Food Is Bad

You're being intentional. You're thinking about the language you use, how you talk about food at the table, what you allow and don't allow. And then your kid comes home and tells you that Joey said french fries are bad for you. Or you're standing right there when another little kid announces that pepperoni is bad. And you probably want to jump in and "fix" it.

You're trying so hard to change the messaging and give your child a healthy relationship with food.

But this is the culture we're raising our kids in. There are always going to be peers, family members, coaches, and teachers who say things about food that go against the way you're trying to support your child. We can't build a bubble. But we can build a foundation and help our kids start to think critically about the messages they're hearing instead of just absorbing them.

In this episode, we talk about:

• The different reasons kids say certain foods are bad, from diet culture messaging to allergies to cultural and religious food practices
• What to say in the moment when you're right there and another kid makes a comment
• How to have the conversation with your younger child (preschool and early elementary) when they bring it home
• How to go deeper with older elementary kids in a way that builds critical thinking skills
• The most powerful question you can ask your child to help them make decisions around food

If you want your child to have a healthy relationship with food and want to know how to best support them given the culture we live in - this episode is for you!

CONNECT with Nicole:

- Instagram: @nicolecruzRD
- Book a FREE Eating Alignment Call with Nicole to learn more about our approach and how we can work together: Eating Alignment Call

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Intentional Table Podcast. This is where we go beyond nutrition to not only talk about how to help your child eat well and get the nutrients they need, but how to also support them in having a healthy relationship with food. If you want your child to eat a variety, listen to their body cues, eat the amount they need, and not be obsessed with sweets, or you just don't want to fight about food, you're in the right place. Here you'll find practical tips and compassionate guidance to support your family in navigating food with more joy and less stress. I'm Nicole Cruz, registered dietitian and mom of three, and I can't wait to dive in to today's episode with you. Welcome back to the intentional table. So I want to set the scene for you. You're being intentional when it comes to food. You're thinking about the language you use, how you talk about food at the table, how you respond when your kid asks for a snack. You're being flexible. You're trying not to label foods as good or bad. And then your kid comes home and says something like, pizza is bad for you. Or you're standing right there when another kiddo says it in front of your child. And you probably want to jump in and say, Don't say that. That's not how we talk about food, right? You want to fix it. You're trying so hard to give your child a healthy relationship with food. And then there are these other influences creeping in. And here's the thing: there are always going to be influences, coaches, teachers, family members, peers, people who say things about food that go against the way you're trying to support your child. We are never going to be fully able to protect our kids from hearing these things. We don't live in a vacuum. But we can set the foundation. We can repair, we can have conversations with our kids and help them think more critically about the things they are hearing, what beliefs they're going to adopt, and how they want to think about food. And that's what we're going to talk about today. Specifically, we're talking about peers, what to do when another kid makes a comment about food. Whether you're standing right there and you overhear it, what you can do and say, or when your kid comes home and tells you that Joey said french fries are bad for you. We're going to talk about how to handle it in the moment and how to have that conversation with your child later. Now, food morality language starts planting seeds even at a young age. And when it comes from a peer, someone that your kid wants to be like, someone that they want to fit in with, it often carries a lot of weight and influence. What their friends say and think really matters to them. And sometimes, unfortunately, more than what we say at home. Now, I don't want you to panic over a single comment or give it more energy than it deserves, right? We don't need to go on a whole lecture and try to change everything that they're going to hear or believe. There are times when it's totally fine to just let something go and move on. And that might be the best option in that moment. But these comments are also not something to ignore entirely, because overall, we do want to help our kids think about these messages differently. And when we do that, these moments actually become an opportunity to help our kids think more critically instead of just absorbing everything they hear. And the truth is, their peers are also just absorbing everything they hear from the world around them. They're picking up messages from their parents, grandparents, siblings, TV, social media, or even another one of their friends. So they're bound to repeat and share those ideas in front of your child too. And one of the most common things kids are hearing is that good food, bad food, good food, bad food diet culture type of messaging. Things like sugar is poison, candy is junk, that's not healthy, you shouldn't have too many calories. That's not real food, that's too much. We don't eat processed foods, or we only eat quote unquote clean in our house. These messages are everywhere, and kids, kids absorb them and repeat them without even really understanding what they mean. Now, there are also other reasons that kids might say certain foods are bad or off limits. For instance, a child might have a peanut allergy and say that that food is bad or that's not safe because that's the language they've been taught to use. And that makes total sense for that child. But it can still get misconstrued when it gets passed on to your kiddo who maybe doesn't have that allergy. And similarly, there are cultural or religious reasons why some families don't eat certain foods or believe they shouldn't be eaten at all or in certain combinations. So a kid might say, X food is bad, or we don't eat that in our house. And regardless of why or what that family believes, it can still land on your child as a very black and white message that it's good or bad, safe or not safe. And that can start to influence your child's relationship with food or what they think is good, bad, or okay for them to eat too. So now I want to give you some actual language that you can use when you find yourself in this situation. And first, let's remember that we want to address this in a casual, easy-going way. Like keep it simple, don't overexplain, don't make it a bigger deal than the original comment was. So now it has this extra focus and energy around it. The goal isn't to turn just one remark into a whole production. We don't want it taking up more space than it needs. So here are a few things to think about when you go to address it, whether you're there in the moment or your child brings it to you later. And let's start with thinking about how we might have this conversation if we're with younger kids, like preschool or early elementary age. So when you're there in the moment and maybe a child says something like, Pepperoni is bad for you, you might say, that's okay if your family doesn't eat pepperoni or if you don't like it, but some people really enjoy it, and that's okay too. Or you might say, different foods give our body different things. Some foods give us energy, some give us protein, some give us vitamins and minerals. And what's important is that we eat a variety of foods so we get all the nutrients our body needs. You can keep it light and just kind of redirect without making it a big scene or trying to convince this child otherwise, right? Getting into a back and forth and just move on. But then if your child brings it up later at home, or maybe they come home from school and says something like, Joey said pepperoni is bad for you, you might start with something like, Oh, that's interesting. What do you think about that? Just open it up and see how they respond. Let them tell you what they're thinking before you try to jump in and fix it or change it. And maybe they're not thinking much about it. They're just telling you what he said. And if in the moment, though, they do say something like, Well, it is bad for you, you might say, I know some people think that, but that's not really what I believe. Do you want to hear what I think? And then you could add, I think all foods give our body different things. What's really important is that we eat a variety so we get enough energy and all the nutrients our body needs, and that we pay attention to how food makes us feel. I think that's what it means to be healthy or take care of our body. Or you might simply say, I don't think any food is good or bad. They all just give us different things. That's why we eat a variety. Again, you don't have to belabor this, but you want to keep it open so that your child can ask questions. You don't want to get super defensive so that they feel, you know, worried coming to talk to you. But you could also just make it light and share some thoughts and then move on. Now, as kids get a bit older into the older elementary years and they start approaching the tweens, they're forming more of their own opinions and their peers are becoming more influential. They might even push back on you a little bit. So, with this age, it can be helpful to go a bit deeper and have conversations that involve understanding different perspectives and helping them start to think more critically about what they're hearing and what feels right for them. So if you happen to be there in the moment, maybe one of your kids has a friend over and they say something like, candy is bad, it has empty calories. You don't need to get into a whole thing right then and there. You might just say, Oh, that's interesting. Or, what do you mean by empty calories? I'm curious. Or I've heard a lot of people say that. I actually think about it a little differently. And you could just leave it there. Just plant the seed for your kid, maybe even for the other kid, to think like, oh, could there be a different way to think about this? Right? But you can keep it light and save more of that real conversation for later with your own kiddo. Now, if you know this child really well or they want to engage with it, you certainly could talk about it a bit more. But then you can also have more of that deeper conversation with your child when the two of you are alone. Maybe your kid comes home and says, Cindy said candy is bad and it has empty calories, right? And this is where you might say something like, you know what's really interesting about that? Calories are literally energy. That's what a calorie is. So technically, there's no such thing as an empty calorie because if something has calories, then it's giving your body energy. Now, some foods give us energy plus other things like protein, vitamins, and minerals, and those things are absolutely important. But that doesn't make candy bad. It just means that it only gives us one thing. So we also want to make sure that we're eating other foods that give us different nutrients that our body actually needs too. And you might follow up with something like, what do you think about that? Or are there other things that you hear about food at school? Or you might ask something even deeper and more intentional, like, how does it feel if you really want candy, but you're telling yourself that it's bad? Like, does that feel good to you? Or does that feel confusing or stressful? Does it make you feel bad at all? Because that's actually what you want them to start noticing, not just what they think about food, but how those beliefs are making them feel. And when a child believes that a food is bad, but they want it anyways, that creates the kind of tension that over time can really affect their relationship with food and how they feel about themselves. And we can start helping them connect these dots between what they've been told, what they believe, and how it actually feels. And that's what we want them to take with them, to continue to be able to check in around. So keep it open and curious because this doesn't have to be the conversation that's going to shift everything, right? We don't need to like land on something and be able to put a pin in it and feel like we did our job. This is just one of many conversations that you're going to have with your child about food as they grow up. And you're not trying to change their mind in this moment or argue about it or win a conversation. You're just creating space for open dialogue, helping them slow down and think instead of just absorbing everything they hear. And developing that skill of actually questioning, being curious, noticing how food actually feels. That's what's really going to influence their relationship with food. So we also mentioned that there can be other reasons that kids make comments about food, like allergies and cultural or religious food practices. And the goal here might be a little bit different because we're not trying to challenge a belief. We're just helping our kids understand that the reason that someone doesn't eat something isn't because that food is bad for everyone or that it's not okay for them to eat. So if someone has an allergy, you might help your child understand by saying something like, Mia is allergic to eggs. That means her body has a hard time with them and it's not safe for her to eat them. It's not that eggs are bad, it's just that her body needs something different. But your body is totally fine with eggs. So it's simple, it's matter-of-fact, it's objective, it's just her body needs something, and your body needs something. You have different needs, and that's okay. And for something like cultural or religious differences, you might say something like: Some families don't eat certain foods because of their family's beliefs. You know, all families get to decide what feels right for them, and that works for their family, and we get to make the best decisions for our family too. And if your child asks a lot of questions and you're not even sure maybe about the different beliefs or the reason, you could say, we could look that up and understand that together. Or maybe you give them a couple of simple lines from what you know or what you've heard, right, on why people choose not to eat things. Again, just simple, direct, objective, right? And share, but that's okay. Everyone gets to make different decisions. We can normalize these differences without making one way better than another. And that's the truth. Everyone gets to decide what's right for their family and what's right for their body. And that's really what we want our kids to take away from all of this, too: that different people are going to have different values and beliefs around food. And what matters is that they learn to consider what's right for them, how food makes them feel, how they want to think about and interact with food. Our kids are going to pick up a lot of messages out there, and we can't stop that. But the best gift we can give them is a safe space to bring those messages, to process them together, to notice how certain ideas make them feel, and decide for themselves what they want to hold on to. These moments can feel really challenging and they can bring up a lot in us because we want to protect our kids as much as possible. And I completely get that. I get the feeling of wanting to fix it, wanting to protect them. But I also want all of us to remember that these moments can actually be really powerful and beautiful because we're not always going to be there to translate or quote unquote fix something that was said. But we're actually helping our kids in a much bigger way. Because we're helping our kids know how to think, how to question, how to come back to us when they're not sure and know that we can help them think through it and figure out what's right for them. And truthfully, that's the best thing that we can give them, a skill that doesn't just hold up with food, but life in general. And we're not just feeding for, you know, the two bites of broccoli today. We're really helping them have a healthy relationship with food long term. So I think that's a great place to wrap up. So let's take a moment and remind ourselves, as we always do, that nourishing a healthy relationship with food is just as important, if not more, than the food itself. Thank you for joining me at the Intentional Table, and I'll see you next time. Thank you so much for being here today. I am so grateful to be able to connect with you to share some thoughts and insights and to help support you on this journey of raising your child to have a healthy relationship with food in their body. And if you found this episode helpful, I would really appreciate you taking just a second to leave a rating or review or to share it with another parent who could use this as well. Thanks again, and I'll talk to you soon.