My Kid Won't Try Anything New - Where Do I Start?

If you have a "picky" eater, you've probably already tried to encourage them to take a bite, bribed with dessert, or even had a standoff at the table over food. Or maybe you've just given up and you make them something separate because, let's be real, they need to eat.

And regardless of where you're at, chances are it doesn't feel great.

Most of us want our kids to eat a variety, to be able to go out to a restaurant and find something on the menu, to make one meal the whole family will eat. 

So it's frustrating when you feel like you're stuck in the same patterns and not sure what else to do.

That's why I'm breaking down EXACTLY where to start if you're stuck in the "picky" eating cycle.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why kids are picky and how that matters in your approach
•  How to support your child without unintentionally making it worse 
• The first three steps every parent can take with food (even if you don't have a "picky" eater)
• What holding the boundary actually looks like - without creating battles at the table
• What to do when they skip dinner and come back hungry 30 minutes later

If you have a kid who won't try anything new and you want to stop fighting about food, this is for you!

CONNECT with Nicole:

- Instagram: @nicolecruzRD
- Book a FREE Eating Alignment Call with Nicole to learn more about our approach and how we can work together: Eating Alignment Call

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Thank you for tuning in and see you next week!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Intentional Table Podcast. This is where we go beyond nutrition to not only talk about how to help your child eat well and get the nutrients they need, but how to also support them in having a healthy relationship with food. If you want your child to eat a variety, listen to their body cues, eat the amount they need, and not be obsessed with sweets, or you just don't want to fight about food, you're in the right place. Here you'll find practical tips and compassionate guidance to support your family in navigating food with more joy and less stress. I'm Nicole Cruz, registered dietitian and mom of three, and I can't wait to dive into today's episode with you. Welcome back to the Intentional Table podcast. So today we're going to be talking about quote unquote picky or selective eating. Yesterday I was at my daughter's softball scrimmage and I had a parent approach me and say, I really need to talk to you. You know, we have a kiddo who is super picky, doesn't want to eat anything, and I just don't want to fight about food. And I always want to create episodes that are going to be actually helpful and relevant and tangible. And I know that if another parent is asking me about this, then you might also need some tips or tools on where to start. And so that's exactly what we're going to talk about today is if I have a kiddo who eats a limited variety, who doesn't want to try anything new, who's really selective, what do I do and where do I start? And I should add that even if you don't have a picky or selective eater, these three steps that I'm going to share are what every child actually needs. So if you're wondering where to start on this journey of best supporting your child to eat well while protecting their relationship with food, these are relevant regardless of the behaviors you're seeing or what you might be dealing with around food. So first of all, when it comes to, you know, quote unquote picky or selective eating, we need to look at why this might be happening. There's two main reasons and reasons, and usually it's kind of a combination of them. So there are typically some what I call like internal factors that might make a child more selective or not want to try new foods. So these would be things like sensory sensitivities. You know, they don't like different textures or different sounds or the way that food moves around in their mouth. Or it might be that they have maybe a more slow to warm personality. And so it takes them a lot longer to feel comfortable and want to try something new. Maybe they have some anxiety in general and again are fearful of things that look different, that aren't familiar. Those are just a few examples. Now, on the other hand, we have what I call external influences. And these are related to the feeding dynamics. And so this is when we might pressure our kids to eat something. We tell them, you just have to try it, or try it, you'd really like it, or you need to take two bites, or you need to at least try it if you want to have dessert, where we're like really trying to get them to eat something and they are feeling that sense of pressure that we want them to eat it. It also can happen in ways that we talk about food, like if we're talking about how good broccoli is for you and how we should eat it. If you have a child who is more rebellious in nature, they are likely going to push back on anything that feels like you want them to do something. And this is human nature in general. We all tend to do it when we feel like somebody is trying to get us to do something. We want to take back our autonomy. We want to exert that sense of control. But if you have a child who is a bit more rebellious, anyways, they are going to do it even more. Okay. So we have the internal factors and external factors that can create more selective eating and often they work together. Because if we have a child who is taking longer to try new foods, then we're feeling frustrated. And so we start putting more pressure trying to get them to do it or offering rewards, and then it just spirals. So if you are caught up in this, where you have a child who doesn't want to try new foods, who has a limited variety, and you would really love for them to eat some new foods, to eat something different, to be able to go out to a restaurant and know they're going to be able to find something, to make a meal your whole family will eat instead of being a short order cook. If you just don't want to fight about food anymore, I'm going to tell you where to start. So the first step is to remove all pressure. And if you don't know what that looks like, then I want you to put the food down at the table and literally not say a thing about food. That would be a place to start. Just like, here's the meal, and we're not even going to talk about the food. Let's talk about your day. Let's play a game, let's turn on music, whatever it might be. But I'm not going to say a thing about what's on the table, what's on your plate, what we're eating. Now, it doesn't mean that you can't talk about food at all to remove pressure. But if you really aren't sure, that's how far I want you to go. Just don't talk about the food. As my kiddo said to me one time when I was, you know, trying to potentially maybe lecture him a little bit about something else. He's like, Can you just stop talking? Right? That's what I want you to think about. Just stop talking about the food. Now, what that really means removing all pressure is no longer saying things like, just try a bite, or take two bites and then you can be done. Or try your broccoli if you want to have dessert tonight. Okay, so it's removing anything like that. Now, that's the very first step. Even if you don't change anything else, let's say you already are being a short order cook, whatever you're doing right now, the first thing is just remove the pressure to try anything. Now, second step would be to offer a variety of foods, including safe foods. So we want to offer a variety with safety. We have to provide opportunities for our child to try something new, or they're never going to try anything new. If we are just giving them the foods that we know they'll eat, like here's your mac and cheese and apples because that's what you'll eat, or here are your chicken nuggets and cucumbers because that's what you'll eat. And we put that down and we're not providing any other options, then they don't even have the opportunity. And we're also not showing them, hey, maybe you would like this too. We're essentially telling them, you don't like anything else. So this is what I'm giving you. So we have to start putting other foods out so they can get exposed to them, so that we are showing them, hey, maybe you would like this. Maybe you'll want to try it, so that they're becoming more familiar with it because they're seeing it more regularly, so that maybe they're getting a bit curious about it. So we have to provide that exposure, but we have to do it with a sense of safety, which means we are not going to just serve all new foods and then say, too bad, that's what's for dinner. They've never had, you know, enchiladas or they don't like broccoli, and we're saying, here's enchiladas and broccoli for dinner. That's not what we want to do. We want to provide a meal with something safe. So if they do really like mac and cheese, maybe we're going to do mac and cheese, but we're also going to put out a different type of cracker that they don't usually eat, along with oranges that they don't typically eat, and maybe one other safe food. So we are going to provide a bit of safety and a bit of newness. And this isn't a perfect formula, like one safe food and all new foods, or all new foods and one safe food. We just want to make sure that there is something on the table that is relatively filling and substantial and that is pretty reliable that we know that they like and have eaten consistently. So that's the second step is to start offering a variety along with safety. Now, third is to hold the boundary. So when you're doing that, we want to hold the boundary in a couple ways. One is make mealtime the activity not eating. So if your child is like, I'm not hungry, I don't want to eat, or ew, I don't like that, you can say, that's okay. You don't have to eat anything you don't want, but it's dinner time. So come sit at the table. Let's chat. Okay, so you're still gonna hold the boundary that it's time to be at the table, and you don't have to eat anything you don't want, but this is what we're having for dinner. Okay, so the second part of holding that boundary is this is what we're having for dinner. Now, again, I'm gonna do the reminder, you have to make sure that there is something safe there in order to be able to hold that boundary. And then we're not going to get into negotiations. Well, if you try it, then I'll make you the mac and cheese. Or, you know, if you try it, then you can have a cookie. And we don't want to resort to catering either. Okay, so we're not gonna resort to negotiations and we're not gonna resort to catering. We're just going to hold that boundary. I'm gonna repeat it. That's okay. You don't have to eat anything you don't want, but this is what we're having for dinner. So come to the table and let's chat. Now, we can also recognize that in doing this, there is a chance that your child won't eat as much because either one, now you're not pressuring them, or two, you're not serving their exact favorite foods all the time. And yes, that can bring up some other issues, like, well, now they're starving 30 minutes later, and now they're starving when they're trying to go to bed. And then we do need to problem solve for that. So because that's the most common, the, well, now they're not eating dinner and then they're starving. What do I do? I want to talk about a solution for that. I recognize that other things can come up as well. And that's okay. It doesn't mean that we don't still do these things. We just might need, and it's what I call an if-then plan inside of our program Nourish Together, we might need some additional strategies then for how to handle the next step, the cascade of what happens next. Or we need to go back and look. Am I really providing something safe and consistent? Am I really not pressuring? Am I really holding the boundary and being consistent with it? Because if sometimes we go and make them another food and then other times we don't, then they're learning, well, maybe if I just complain enough, they'll actually make me something different. And they're not actually trusting that this is how the meal is going to go now. So this is what we're having for dinner, and you can choose to eat it or not. So we have to create consistency with those three things that I just said. Now, back to if you're doing all of those things and your kiddo isn't eating and then they're starving a little bit later, what do you do? So there's two options. One is if that dinner is still fine, maybe you put it away, but it's really easy to be reheated. It doesn't lose its quality, it's good, you know that it is safe. You could pull it back out and say, hey, it's no problem. I still have dinner here. Here are some options, and you can offer that again. And or you could do a bedtime snack and you could pick what that snack is. So we don't usually want to provide like their very favorite foods because then they're likely to just hold out and wait for that bedtime snack. But we want it to be something safe, something filling, something again, that they do like enough to eat. So maybe you're going to get out some yogurt and fruit. Maybe you're gonna do peanut butter toast, maybe you're going to do string cheese or some nuts and fruit, something like that. Whatever your kiddo will like that you could do is something that's quick and easy for you. We don't want it to be something that you're in the kitchen cooking and it's taking a long time. We want it to be something that you could put away relatively easy if they choose not to eat it. And again, something that's not gonna take them forever because we're likely getting ready to move on to bedtime and whatnot. So it's not bad to have a bedtime snack or to have this kind of backup plan. We just want to be prepared for it so that we're not scrambling and we're throwing their favorite things at them or now we're negotiating about what that bedtime snack is going to be. We wanna have somewhat of like a system for it. And when I say that, it doesn't have to be something regimented, just that you have an idea of how you're actually approaching it. Now, like I said, I wanted this to be like a quick to the point things that you can start applying immediately episode. So those are the first three steps. Remove all pressure, offer a variety of options with safety, and then hold the boundary. That's exactly where I would start if I had a child who was quote unquote picky or selective and not wanting to try anything new. And with that said, once you are consistently doing those things, a lot of times parents actually see changes just by doing that and they are shocked that their child tries something new at the table. And there are still additional tools that we can use to help create that safety for them, to help them feel more empowered and in control at the table, that is going to create more comfort and curiosity around food. So that's not a stopping point. If you're doing those things and your child is still not trying new foods, they're still not expanding their variety. That doesn't mean we go backwards and do something else. That just means that you likely need to apply some new tools and strategies for how you're actually doing meals. Inside my program Nourish Together, I call this the power pyramid, and we have lots of tools and strategies for helping create that safety, comfort, power, control at the table so that they do feel more curious and interested in trying new foods on their own. But for today, what I want you to take away are those three steps to get started. And then we can always move into additional tools later. Now, I also want to remind you that this does take some practice and patience. This isn't about controlling exactly what our kid eats or getting them to eat vegetables tonight. I'm not saying that that doesn't happen. Sometimes it happens very quickly for families, but we have to take a step back and look at the bigger picture and remind ourselves that the way that we are approaching food right now also has a lasting impact. And we are feeding for now and we are feeding for the future. And the way that we approach selective eating or whatever sort of struggles, challenges that you're coming across can either protect our child's relationship with food or it can create harm. It can create fear, guilt, and shame with how they feel about food. And so that's why we have to remember that that's like our guiding light, the long-term goal. Even though these things are frustrating right now, the way that we approach them today does matter long term. Okay, and one last thing I want to say is that these three steps that I just shared, you can apply regardless of if you are actually navigating picky eating or not. It doesn't matter what behaviors you're seeing, all of our kids need to feel safe and empowered at the table, and they need us to support them by providing a variety of options and giving them the opportunity to eat different foods. Whether or not you would call your child, you know, a picky eater, these three steps are still applicable regardless. All right, I trust that this was helpful, that this is a good starting point, something that you can actually implement today. If you have any questions, just send me a message on Instagram at Nicole Cruz RD, shoot me a DM over there, and we can chat more about your particular situation. All right, as we wrap up, let's remind ourselves, as we always do, that nourishing a healthy relationship with food is just as important, if not more, than the food itself. Thank you for joining me at the Intentional Table, and I'll see you next time.