The Fastest Way to Make Your Kid Not Eat

If you know, you know... The more we remind, encourage, and gently push our kids to do something, the less they want to do it. Even when they already know. Even when we're right.

My daughter said it to me out loud last week. My husband asked her to clean her room before family came over, and she looked at him and said, "Ugh! know. And when you say that, it just makes me not want to do it even more."

She wasn't being difficult. She was telling the truth. And it's the exact thing that happens with food all the time. Except it's usually unspoken.

In this episode, I'm sharing a few things I've been sitting with lately, including a peek at what I've been building behind the scenes and two real moments from my family that might shift how you think about food with your kids.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why reminding, encouraging, and pushing kids to eat creates more resistance, not less
• What my daughter said out loud that most kids only feel quietly
• How my daughter tried tomatoes for the first time and then asked for them again 🙌
• Why my son now puts lettuce on his burgers at home, and how a Big Mac made that happen
• What the research says about kids who find pleasure in food versus kids focused on nutrition rules

Whether you have a "picky" eater, a kiddo you're worried eats too much, one who's obsessed with sweets, or all of the above - this episode's for you!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Intentional Table Podcast. This is where we go beyond nutrition to not only talk about how to help your child eat well and get the nutrients they need, but how to also support them in having a healthy relationship with food. If you want your child to eat a variety, listen to their body cues, eat the amount they need, and not be obsessed with sweets, or you just don't want to fight about food, you're in the right place. Here you'll find practical tips and compassionate guidance to support your family in navigating food with more joy and less stress. I'm Nicole Cruz, registered dietitian and mom of three, and I can't wait to dive into today's episode with you. Welcome back to the intentional table. I am so happy to be here with you today. I actually took last week off and didn't record an episode because there has just been a lot going on and it felt like a little too much. I don't know about you, but this time of year just feels like a lot. And then I also have been working on some business-related stuff for our program Nourish Together, as well as putting together a new training. We had a couple of graduations. There's just been a lot happening. So that's actually how I wanted to just frame this episode around what's been going on, life update, a few stories, and how they can potentially help you as well, some different ways to think about food. So basically, last week we had two graduations or quote unquote graduations. We call the elementary school one culmination and the eighth grade one promotion. So I had a fifth grader move from elementary school and an eighth grader move from middle school. So while they're not like the hugest deal, it still was just different schedules. And we did have our family over to celebrate. And it's just the end of school and a big transition. I'm guessing you might be feeling something similar to the transition into summer. And we're also thinking about summer plans and different schedules and camps and vacations and so much happening. So, anyways, that's a personal update. And then behind the scenes, I have also been working on some stuff for a program Nourish Together, including putting together a brand new training that I am so, so excited to share with you. I have been working on it for a little while actually. And it's really designed for four types of parents or for like concerns that you have about how your child is eating or interacting with food. And so this is for you if you really want your child to be a balanced eater while also protecting their relationship with food. And so the four things that I'm focusing on are one, if you feel like you have a quote unquote picky eater who is selective, who doesn't need a great variety, who doesn't want to try anything new. And this is true whether you are worried about their nutrition, maybe they're really dropping foods, they're down to only a handful, or if it's just really frustrating because you don't feel like you can easily go out to eat or you can't make one meal, or it just feels like mealtimes are like a battle or a hostage negotiation. So that's one thing that we're covering. Another is if you feel like you have a child who is like a quote unquote overeater, who doesn't seem like they have an off-switch, who seems preoccupied with food. Like maybe they're not listening to their body and they just want to keep eating and eating. Or every time they finish a meal, they're asking for a snack shortly after. Maybe they're eating what seems like multiple portions, and you're thinking, like, they can't possibly be listening to their body. They can't possibly still be hungry. The third type of parent or the third type of issue that this training is for is if you feel like your child is obsessed with sugar and sweets. Like that is all they would eat if you let them. Maybe they're preoccupied, maybe it even feels like, are they addicted to them? You know, maybe they're the kid that's always standing at the table at the birthday party wanting more cake or cookies or ice cream or whatever the sweets are that are out. Or it feels like they're constantly begging for more candy or more cookies. And they may eat a greater variety outside of that, or it may feel like that's all that they want to eat. And lastly, number four, is maybe there's actually nothing super dramatic going on with your child around food, but you just don't want to get the whole food thing wrong. Like you know how easily it is to interfere with their relationship with food, or how easily it is to have a dysfunctional or, you know, complicated relationship with food. Maybe that's something that you experienced in your own life, or you know what that food noise is like, and you just don't want that for your child. And maybe you're even second-guessing yourself and wondering like, did I say the right thing? Maybe I should have let them have the cookie, or it just doesn't feel right to let them eat more and more sweets. They also, you know, need to eat some other food. They need to get, you know, quote unquote better nutrition. I want them to understand about making those better choices, but I also just don't want to mess up their relationship with food or make them feel bad or to have food be an issue, right? Like I just want to get this whole thing right. So if any of those apply to you, whether you feel like you have a quote unquote picky eater, a child who seems to be obsessed with food, a child who is obsessed with sweets, or you just want to get the food thing right, this training is designed specifically for you so that you know how to create that empowered eating environment that we talk about here, so that you can raise your child to eat a variety of foods, to listen to their body cues, to not be obsessive about sugar or sweets, and to have an overall healthy relationship with food. So if any of that is relevant, I would love for you to check it out. I will link it here in the show notes. You can also go to Instagram and you can DM me at Nicole Cruz RD. DM me the word balanced and I will send you the link so that you can watch it. You'll see, like when you go to join, that there's a way for you to just join right away and start watching, or you can pick a time that works better for your schedule. I know how hard it can be to show up to things live. It is built to fit into your schedule so you can watch it when it's most convenient for you. I will still answer every question that you have. So you will see there is a chat box there. You can type in any questions, and I will get back to you and answer your specific questions. All right, so that is how I that is what I've been working on. It is now up and running. I'm so excited to get it out to you. So please go check it out, whether it's at this link or DM me the word balanced. Now, those are some updates, and I want to share with you a couple of things that have happened over the last week or so. And um I think they just might be helpful for you. So the first thing is last week when we were uh cleaning up the house a little bit because we were having my family over to celebrate the graduations, my husband walked by my daughter's room and he asked her to please clean up her room a bit to get ready for people coming over. And she was like, oh, I know. And when you say that, it just makes me not want to do it even more. And I started laughing. I couldn't help myself because she's right. She's like, I know that I need to clean it up. I've already known that. And and to be honest, she is a pretty mature kiddo. And so she gets it. And she wasn't just like rebelling against him to be difficult. She was truthfully like, this is how I feel. This is how you make me feel when you say that. So I actually thought it was a quite mature response at the same time. And she's not wrong, right? When you know that you need to do something and you feel like someone is harping on you, it just makes you not want to do it even more. We've probably all been there. I know I have, I know that I have resistance when people tell me that they want me to do something. But I'm like, you're not the boss of me. No, I don't think that anymore so much, but especially as kids, you're like, you're not my boss. Make me. You're gonna make me do it. That's what kids do all the time. And so we all feel a sense of that, though, where we want to have our own agency. That's human nature. And this is what happens with food all the time. But my daughter just articulated it so well. She actually vocalized it. Where usually, when it comes to food, our kids aren't telling us that. We're just seeing their behaviors around it. And it feels like they're being difficult because we're telling them that they need to take two more bites or that they need to eat their broccoli and they don't want to do it. And they don't want to do it more and more because they know that's what we want them to do. So it feels like we're trying to control them. Even if you don't feel like you are, even if it's coming with the best of intentions because you think they would like the food, or because you know that they're gonna be starving in 10 minutes because they didn't eat anything. But what it's really doing is creating more and more resistance and them not wanting to eat the foods that we want them to eat, and then being drawn more towards the foods that we don't necessarily want them to eat as much of. So I want to invite you to think about are there places where that pressure or sense of control might still be showing up with your child? Is there something that you are noticing them be resistant towards? Or is there something that you're seeing them gravitate towards? And could it be that there's actually this element where they feel a bit of control or like you're trying to control them, or where they feel like that's what you really want them to do. So they don't want to do it, or the opposite. So I want you to think about that for your family, because I thought that her actually saying out loud what so many kids are feeling was really, really helpful for all of us to hear, to know, like that is actually what they're internalizing and what they are they're feeling in the way that they're wanting to react. Okay, so the next thing that I want to talk about, and actually let me pause for a second because recently I was listening to another podcast and the host said, I'm gonna do a blender episode, kind of just like throw in a bunch of different ideas that I want to share with you, like you would into a blender, and you just kind of blend it all together. And so that's that's what I'm doing, creating this blender of sorts. So I have another story or idea that I want to share with you. Last week for my middle schooler's graduation, we went out to dinner with two of his best friends in their families, and it was so sweet. And they're not going to be going to school together next year, and they've been together since kindergarten. So there's like this bittersweet feeling about all of it. But we're so grateful to have had those relationships this whole time. And so all of our families got together and we went to a taco place uh down the street, and we ordered chips and guacamole and salsa for the table, and then it's all Mexican food. And so people got burritos and nachos and tacos and bowls and all sorts of things. And so when the chips and guac came to the table, though, my daughter was starving. She was so hungry and she really wanted them and she likes guacamole, but she looked at it and she was like, uh, there's stuff in it. Because there were little chopped-up pieces of tomato, and I think some onion too. But there was like maybe a little bit of onion, and she could see these little red pieces. And I was like, Okay, do you want some help? We can try to, you know, get a chip that doesn't have too much on it. And so she kind of did, but she also just tried it. And she had also already ordered her burrito, and she asked specifically for the things that she wanted in it, and she included guacamole. And so she also was going to be getting this burrito that was gonna have this guacamole in it that had little bits of tomato. Now, I should say with this, she does not like tomato. At least she doesn't think she likes tomato because she's never eaten tomatoes. I think maybe one time she tried a bite of a grape tomato, but I don't even know that she actually did. I think maybe she said she wanted to and then she got scared and never did. So this child doesn't eat tomato. She does eat ketchup, she does eat tomato sauce on pizza or on spaghetti, but she doesn't like if there's any chunks in it. She picks them out. So, you know, tomatoes are not really a thing for her that she wants to have. So this guacamole is sitting there. So she kind of is trying to pick around it. And then she ends up getting a piece of tomato, and she's like, oh, wait, maybe I kind of like this. And so she ended up eating chips with the guacamole. She ended up eating her burrito, and she loved it all. Fast forward last night, I'm recording this on Wednesday. Last night was Tuesday, and we always do Taco Tuesday in my family. She's actually not the biggest fan of it, but I love it. And I highly encourage you to do something similar because it is one night. I really don't have to think about what to make. I might make different sides, like sometimes I might include rice and other times I don't. I do different types of beans. Sometimes we do refried, sometimes we do whole pinto beans, sometimes we do black beans, we do different types of meat from ground meat to chopped up chicken to shrimp. Sometimes we do carne asada, and then sometimes we have guacamole, sometimes we don't. Sometimes I even make a tray of nachos to go with it, or I make a bean dip. Um, there's just all different ways that we can still do Taco Tuesday. So it's basically Mexican themed. You know, I've even made enchiladas for it. I always have larger flour tortillas and hard shells and corn tortillas. So we have different options. So everybody can make it however they want. And a lot of times my daughter, because she doesn't love it, she does just want some nachos or something, which is totally fine because the ingredients are there. I'm not making her pasta or something different, but we can use what's here and make a meal that she's going to enjoy. With all that said, she was not very excited about the Taco Tuesday last night when we finished her softball practice. But I was like, well, this is what we're having because it's Taco Tuesday, and I'm not thinking about what else to cook. Anyways, we were talking about all the ingredients. So I was like, okay, well, you know, do you want to do more of like a burrito like you made at or that you had at the restaurant the other night? Do you want to do tacos? Do you want me to make a little thing in nachos? Do you want a quesadilla? Just using all the different ideas. They also sometimes, or at least they did this more when they were younger. I don't think she's done it in a in a while, but would just eat plain shredded cheese and maybe some tortilla or maybe some beans. It's just all the ingredients are there and they can eat whatever they want from it. Like plain shredded cheese and chips were was a thing when they were younger. So, anyways, everything's out there. So I'm offering all the different ways that she might have it. And she says, Yeah, I do want to make a burrito like I had, you know, on Thursday night at the restaurant. And she says, Oh, can you put some tomato in the guacamole? And so my point of all this is, yes, I did. I was like, absolutely, let's chop up tomatoes. She's like, but not too much, just a little bit. And so we did, and we made her burrito, just like at the restaurant, and we made it fun, where we actually put it back in the pan with a little bit of oil. So it was like very gently fried, so it got kind of crispy on the outside. I'm, if you want to do this, I'm talking a drizzle of oil. It wasn't like deep fried. It was just to put it in the pan and it like toasted on all the sides once it's made. It's so good. So we all had burritos like that. And she loved it. And she wouldn't have had tomato had we not gone to the restaurant and her being willing to try it and wanting to do it because other people were eating it, because she really wanted the guacamole, because it was introduced to her. And your child might not do that right away. I totally get it. And I do feel like she's coming to a place where she's being a little bit more open at times to try some different things. So it could have also just hit at the right moment. But sometimes when we're eating out or when we're at our friend's house or fast food, it actually can be an entryway into our kids trying something new, like when it's a different scenario or it's something that they're interested in because it looks fun or different, or they feel like it's kind of special because it's eating out. This is exactly what happened when my oldest we went to McDonald's and he wanted to get a Big Mac. And he was like, I want a Big Mac the way that they make it. I just want to order a Big Mac. And I said, okay. Now, this kid didn't like lettuce. He didn't necessarily like sauces and other stuff, but he wanted to get a Big Mac and he did. And that actually led him to putting lettuce on his burgers at home. He doesn't do it every time. Sometimes he's like, nah, I don't want that tonight. But he now incorporates lettuce because he had a Big Mac. And this is so important because when we drop the judgment about food, when we create that neutrality, the neutral environment around food, it actually better supports our kids to learn to try and like new foods. If I had said, we can't go to McDonald's, that's unhealthy. We're not allowed to have it, or that's just junk, that's crap. You shouldn't eat that. No, you can't get a Big Mac. That's too much food. You can just get a small cheeseburger, right? Whatever the things were. He would have never been introduced to lettuce in that way or been excited about actually having it. That doesn't mean that I'm taking my kids to McDonald's every single day. And if you do, that is totally fine. That is your choice. And there is zero judgment for doing that. Zero judgment for doing that. I'm just suggesting that you can eat a variety of foods. You can have home cooked meals, and you can incorporate fast food or other restaurants or, you know, quote unquote junk foods, because they might create something fun for your child. They might just bring enjoyment. They might actually help them learn to like a new texture or want to try something different. And this is what happens when we relax around food and we make it more fun and enjoyable. Our kids actually end up eating, quote unquote, better. They tend to like a greater variety of foods. Now, I can't remember if I've shared this before. I don't think I have shared this here, but recently I was going through some research and I think this was uh fascinating. But to to this point, the research found that in kids ages six to eleven, those with pleasure-based attitudes toward food actually made quote unquote healthier food choices, food choices than kids focused on nutrition rules, which just supports everything that we're talking about here. That when we find food more enjoyable, when there's more ease with it, when we're actually looking for pleasure and satisfaction, we tend to eat in a more balanced way. We tend to eat a greater variety. We tend to actually choose those things like fruits and vegetables because we like them and we want to eat them. And to go full circle, that actually just reinforces exactly what we were saying about my daughter saying, I don't want to do it. It makes me not want to do it even more when we have those food rules, when we're creating judgment about foods and lots of shoulds and shouldn'ts, or better or worse, or anything along those lines. So that's where we're gonna wrap up today. That's the blender of the episode with these different ideas all woven together. And if you're sitting here thinking, but Nicole, my kid would never have touched that guacamole with tomatoes in it. Or my kid already feels pleasure around food and they don't want to try anything new, or their pleasure is leading them to overeat, right? Or they find enough pleasure in sweets, but that's all they want to eat. Any of those things that I talked about from the get-go, I really want to encourage you to go check out the training because you will find the exact steps in there to help you create an empowered eating environment to support your child to actually eat a variety, listen to their body, enjoy all types of foods and not be obsessive. All right, again, go to Instagram, Nicole Cruz RD, DM me balanced, or you'll find the link in the show notes. As always, let's take a moment to remind ourselves that nourishing a healthy relationship with food is just as important, if not more, than the food itself. Thank you for joining me at the intentional table, and I'll see you next time.