What Matters Most

Heidi, is a faithful member of the LDS Church, a wife, a mother, and grandmother, tells about her life, her family, her faith, and her battle with metastatic breast cancer. 

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Welcome to Many Mighty Messages. Today I'm speaking with my good friend Heidi Lewis, who was a wife, mother of four, a grandmother of soon to be three grandchildren, and is currently battling metastatic breast cancer. Welcome to Mini Mighty Messages. My name is Kim Mayley and I'll be your host today. And my guest is Heidi Lewis. And so I was just asking her to, uh, introduce herself a little bit. So I was born in Pocatello, Idaho. We moved to Logan when I was two. Logan, Utah. Lived there until I was, well, my parents divorced when I was 14. I lived with my dad for a year, then with my mother for a year, and then needed. Different environment and had an answer to a prayer, and it told me to move in with an uncle in Ora, Utah. So I moved in with their family for my last two years of high school and went on to Brigham Young University for college and had a roommate that took me to Twila, Utah. Where I never knew where that was. Yeah. Met my husband, my future husband, and we have been married 32 years and have four beautiful children and two beautiful grandchildren with another one coming in a couple weeks. Oh yeah. That's that's amazing. So, um, when you went to the Farewell, you met Jeff. Okay. Did she know him? Did your roommate know him? Yes. So they had been at a BYU football game and he had dated her in high school and he had invited her to his homecoming. They'd written off. And on that there was another girl that was there that was supposedly the one waiting for him. And, um. Anyway, he never went out with her. So he got your number or you got in contact with him later? Or how did that go? So, so he went out with my roommate during the day and I went out with him that night, like the next week. And there's no stopping after that. Oh yeah. That's awesome. So did he go to BYU also? No, he went to Utah Valley. Oh, okay. He's Utah Valley. Wasn't university yet. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. He went through like all the stages of it when it was tech and it was anyway, but he did get a four year degree Uhhuh from Utah Valley. Oh, okay. Which is now Utah Valley University. Oh, right. Okay. So you grew up in Pocatello until you were how old? Well, so I actually, with Soda Springs, Idaho, I was born in Pocatello because, uh, 'cause the doctor, my mom was high risk, I guess. And so, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, I spent most of my years growing up in Logan, Utah. Oh, okay. In Logan. Gotcha. Mm-hmm. Okay. In Logan. And then when you were a junior, you went down to BY Future Pro, but before my junior year, I went to Orum. Graduated from or high school? Oh yeah. Living with my uncle for two years. Mm-hmm. How was that? That's a huge change. It was a very big change because when my parents divorced, um, they had us choose who we wanted to live with, which is not an easy thing for a child. No. And so my younger brother decided to live with my father, and I said I would live with whoever had the house. So for the first year, my dad had the house, and then my mom moved in with my stepfather and had the house, and I lived there a year with her. And, um, my, I had one teenage friend get pregnant and just, I mean, just things were not what I wanted or going the way I wanted them to go. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I, I didn't know what to do. Mm-hmm. So I prayed about it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And got an answer, a direct answer. Mm-hmm. That was out of the blue, said, go move in with your uncle. Oh, wow. Yeah. Like, oh, okay. So I called him up and I said, um, I've had an answer to a prayer that I'm supposed to live with you. And they're like, oh, well, let's talk about this. Oh yeah. If that's all right. And they decided that it was all right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So I moved into their house and they had six kids. So I was number seven. You were number seven? I was number seven. Did you feel like you fit in there? They were wonderful. So I was, I was different than they were. I had a different upbringing. Even though it was his sister, I was still different. Mm-hmm. And, but. Yeah, it was good. It was a good, that was a good thing. It was the right thing. Mm-hmm. It shaped what kind of a mother I would be. Mm-hmm. And that helped me decide on how I wanted to raise my family. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So it was, it was a very good move in the long run, but it was hard. Mm-hmm. Because I went to this school and all I knew was my cousin, and here I had known all the other kids my whole life. Right. And I was popular in Logan. I, I knew people. I was on the basketball team. I mm-hmm. Life had been pretty good, but, mm-hmm. Anyway, so how old were you when your parents got divorced? 14. You were 14. Okay. So you moved down freshman year of high school. Oh, right, right. That's right. Okay. Yeah. So at a young age, you knew how to listen for answers to prayers. You know, I, as a kid, I had had, you know, this is broken, please fix this. I can't find this. And so I had had some answers to prayers, but this was a, I need an answer. Mm-hmm. Because I, I'm not happy. Mm-hmm. Right. Right. And I got an answer and it was not happiness right away. Mm-hmm. It took a while. In the long run, it was definitely the best. Mm-hmm. For me, you saw a God's hand in it. Later I saw God's hand in my life and I knew that he knew me and he knew my circumstances, and that was the cement. That was my conversion story. Oh, this really, that's where, that's where I knew. Mm-hmm. I know that there's a God and that he listens to us. Mm-hmm. So. And you knew that he knew you because how things worked out and how you felt once you moved and how things kind of turned around. Yeah. I knew because that was not what was in my mind, it was not. Oh, okay. Some, something I had been contemplating or thinking about. It was an out of the blue, this is what you should do. Right. Something that you hadn't thought of just pops into your mind? Mm. When my parents got divorced, we had many relatives say, if you need anything, let us know. You know, a lot of people say nice things like that. Right, right. I'm not sure that they expected me to call on them and say, Hey, I do need something. I need it. I need you. I need your help. Yeah. And it's gonna take a lot. So, yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, that's great. Well, um, so Heidi Lewis, um, she and I were in the same ward in the 10th ward and we moved into the same ward. I think it was 2009, I think it was 2009. Um. I don't know if I've ever told you this, but you, I can see us, my husband and I sitting in the chapel in the Pinehurst building, and you and Jeff were sitting in front of us and you were the first people to turn around and, uh, introduce yourselves and shake our hands. And I dunno if you remember that. I don't, so I'm glad I did that. Yeah. I always wonder, am am I doing a good job? Yeah. You guys were so nice. I can just see you turning around and being so nice and welcoming. Another thing I remember about you is just your, your. I wrote Vivacious personality. I think that describes you and just your really great personality and so friendly and energetic. I just have always loved your personality and also your rock solid testimony. So those are two things I really have liked about you. So Heidi and I were in the same ward, and then for the past three years, uh, my family and I, we moved down to Arizona. So we were in the same ward for. I don't know. Quite a long time. Right? A long time. Yeah. And we didn't know we'd become really close until our daughters became best friends and, um, he was the Relief Society president. Well, my husband was Bishop. Right. Let's see. Or was it a different time or was he not? I think I was the Relief Society President after 2020. Yes. And he, that's when he was released? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. So he was, your husband was Bishop 2015 to 2020 or something like that, 2014 to 2020. 2014 to 2020. Yes. Mm-hmm. Yes. And he's always been so nice to our family, so, oh, we love your family. Yes. Aw, thanks. Yes. So, um, yeah, so, uh. How have things been going lately in the ward and in Illa? By the way? Illa is, you've been there for a while. Twila is growing like crazy and I love that we have a temple here now. We, Jeff and I work in the temple Wednesday mornings. Such a blessing. Love it. Oh great. Yeah. Um, and yeah, it is just, and it seems like since the temple is just. Grown even more, just really booming. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. We were, I was so excited when I lived there. You know, I would drive by the spot where the temple was going to be. I was so excited. And then we moved, so I didn't get to, I haven't been yet, but I still feel like it's my temple too, because you got to watch it start to be built. Or just 'cause you lived there for so long. Yeah, yeah. I watched it be built and then, uh, it's, it's beautiful. And we're going to, my family and I are going to go through it at Christmas time, but So you work there every Wednesday? Work there every Wednesday. And it's very close knit because, so I was in Jordan. I had worked in Jordan River Temple before. It was built and there's like 20 something stakes that support Jordan River and it's like the busiest temple. Oh yeah. And then to come to Tula, which is the desert peak temple I should say, but it's the Tula Temple to me anyway. And it, it's only supported by 12 stakes. And so you get to know people really well, and it's just close knit and it's just so fun to see. Jordan River. I loved, I love, love, love, love. The sisters I worked with, there were a lot of us. There were like a hundred and something on my shift and this one there's 40 on my shift. Wow. And that is close knit. It's close knit. So it's different. But it is, it's so fun. 'cause I see people I know all the time and I've gotten to know so many more that are here that you see all the time. Yeah. Which I didn't. See the people all the time. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I know. When I lived in Toula, I felt like I knew everyone. I was at Walmart, I knew everyone, so I'm just trying to imagine Yes. You, because you were in, yeah. Yeah. But my husband, he would make fun of me. He's like, I was born and raised here and you know more people than I do because Oh, he's, he'd say, yeah, I used to go places and know everyone and you know, as many or more than I know now. And yeah. Anyway. So he was born there. He was born here. He was born there. Uhhuh. Yeah. And so he's seen it really grow. Yeah. I mean, when I moved here there was one stoplight. Really? Oh wow. Yeah. So yeah. And it was one single lane in and out, and right now they're expanding to three each way. Oh, are they? Yeah. Oh, good. Yes, they need it. They do. So what's it like having the temple so close? Like is it 10 minutes away or seven minutes from my house. Seven minutes away? Mm-hmm. Which is amazing. 'cause we used to be like, okay, well how's gonna be 40 minutes to Bountiful or Salt Lake or Jordan River or Oaker Mountain? Which one do you wanna go to? 'cause where do you wanna eat after? Yeah. Right. And getting a babysitter was so hard because you're like, okay. Because I grew up in Logan and so the temple had been right there and I went to school at Brigham Young University. And so the temple was right there. So Tu and I have kids and I'm gonna need a babysitter for the hour drive in the two hours there and the hour drive back. So there was no eating dinner when the kids were little. Oh. So I felt like I was asking, asking a lot. Mm-hmm. So I know that's sad to say, oh, 'cause I know there's people that sacrifice a whole lot harder. But with the way I was raised, it felt like a sacrifice. Yeah. That's a lot different. That's a lot different. Mm-hmm. So now to have it seven minutes away, I'm really a little blessed. Oh yeah. Right. Um. And I know the temple means a lot to you. I remember when your husband was Bishop, he would say that it was really important. That's one thing he emphasized to go to the temple. Like he said, he went to the temple every week. I remember that. Well, he could work in golf, and golf was a priority, and he would get up at all, you know, really early morning Saturday so that he could golf. That was a priority. He thought, well, I need to put that kind of a priority on the temple. And so he started getting up, you know, four or five o'clock in the morning so that he could go to the temple. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. As often as he went golfing. Yeah. Right. And it's been a great blessing. It has. And I know that he said that it helped him a lot as when he was bishop. Then I know that you and your family, I see pictures of you at this temple and that temple and the other temple, and you guys go to all the temples. Well, it was fun 'cause um, my second daughter, Brooklyn and my third daughter Aisha. When it was personal progress, those were, one of that was their faith goal was to go to a different temple every month. And so a has been to every temple in Utah. We've been to almost all of 'em in Arizona. Jeff and I have been to all of 'em, but Fresno and California, we've been to almost all of 'em. In Idaho, we decided to go to one Texas, so it's just become a thing. So even though they're the same ordinances, they're run differently. And they're, you know, you can go from really big Washington, dc, Jordan River, salt Lake, these really big temples versus really small Helena, Montana, and it's fun to see. And they're all just got good people there. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's got great people, so mm-hmm. We like to see those little differences. Uhhuh, Uhhuh. Oh yeah. It, it is different when you go to a little temple and, and they don't tell you the, the ladies, the temple workers don't tell you what. Um, stall to change in or anything because it's so little. You pick, I mean, there's, you get to pick, there's probably little, little differences and, and since you work in the temple and I never have, you probably notice even more differences Yeah. In the temples because I know how different ones have run. So it's, it's interesting and that's one of the things we talk to the workers about. So how many are on your shift and how many does it take to run this? And how many does it? Mm-hmm. Because it's interesting. It's interesting to hear. How, it's how the temple's supported by the community. Mm-hmm. Oh yeah. So, right. That is So how many temples do you think you've visited? You've been to? I have an app that's called Holy Places app. Mm-hmm. It's really awesome where you can record your visits and everything. And so if I was to get off my phone right now, I could tell you exactly how many I've been to, but I think it's in the seventies. Seventies. Ah. 70 something temples. What's your favorite temple? Mine. The Desert Peak? No, there's different things I like about different temples. I really love the Celestial Room of the Bountiful temple because there's natural light that comes in and it's just so bright and happy to me, the natural light I love. Um, our celest room does not have the natural light bar. Our ceiling rooms are the most beautiful ceiling rooms. Mm, mm-hmm. Oh, I mean, anyway, there I just, and our initiat love our initiatory anyway, so. Mm-hmm. So different. Different. And I'm the baptist coordinator and I baptistry, so there's just Oh, okay. There's just different things. Is that what you and Jeff do? Jeff's the endowment coordinator. So he, he's on the second floor and makes sure the rooms are all ready for everybody and that if they need languages, that that's all taken care of. Mm-hmm. And I can't leave the baptistry 'cause I've just busy all the time with youth and, which is wonderful. But he has little breaks, so he'll come down and visit me. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh, that's great. That's great. It's kind of fun. So, A really difficult thing that's happened in your life is, you got breast cancer. Yeah. But a difficult thing to talk about. And when was that? So 2019 I got breast cancer and had a mastectomy and had radiation. And um, they did a genetic test on the tumor itself, and the genetic testing was so low that they said, you know, we're gonna let you decide whether you have chemotherapy or not. My son crew was 12 at the time, and I thought having his mom go through chemotherapy would be traumatic. I. I thought, and they, and at the time they told us, they thought maybe they were over treating cancer, so I chose not to have chemotherapy. Went along fine, thought everything was good until 2023 when I broke my back, and it was because a tumor had made my vertebrae collapse and it had metastasized to my bones, and they found seven tumors in my bones in 2023. Mm-hmm. So then he meet with the doctor and she said, um, you know, we're gonna go for quality time. There's not a cure for this. So that's devastating. 'cause I'm trying to think how old the kids, well, you know, that was just two I years ago, so my baby's 16 now. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You think, okay. You find out the average, they tell you it's four. Well, no, they said six months to two years is the average that you live with it. And so you start thinking, okay, I've gotta make it to his graduation. I've gotta make it to this, I've gotta make it to that. But I have good news. I had my PET scan last week, and I'm down to one tumor. Oh, one left. That is left. Beautiful. So still have cancer still battling, but I mean, I feel good. Wow. Okay. So they, the what? Your treatments have dissolve. I don't know much about it. Have dissolved the cancer. You just have one. Some things working. I, and we we'll say it's Jesus. Oh yeah, for sure. It's the Lord, because not everybody gets that, you know? Yeah, I know that there's such great news, devastating and, and every time I get a scan it is just stressful. Oh yeah. It's just stressful. 'cause you don't know if it spread more, if, 'cause they told you, okay, we're gonna do this treatment. When that quits working, we'll do this treatment. When that's working we'll do one more treatment and then you're on clinical trials. Okay. So I'm still on treatment number one, which is good. But I've done a few things on the side mm-hmm. That are not, you know, you, you just, as you just reach and people, you know, people are so good hearted, they just wanna help you. Mm-hmm. And so they give you all of these suggestions and ideas and what they've heard or know, or. Yeah. So, oh, why not? If it doesn't cost me much money or if it's not too painful, why not? I'll try that. I'll try that. So you've just, you've done what the doctors have treated you with and then also things you've tried. Mm-hmm. And you're not really quite sure what has made the difference except you know Jesus has made the difference and then you're not sure. And because it's ultimately up to them right When they take me home. Mm-hmm. I'm, I'm asking for a little more time because mm-hmm. Honestly, I don't want my husband to marry someone else. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Exactly. And he's too young. He's too young to be single for the rest of his life. Right, right. Yes. Oh yeah. That would be super hard. You do not want to share him. No, I'm not. You know, I am the product of polygamy. My great-grandfather was a polygamist. So I should say, and I here he did it really well, but man, I don't wanna ever, you don't wanna, I would need, I would need a serious revelation. Yeah. For me to wanna do. Exactly. Exactly. Well, and I think that's, you know, when the church was young, I think, and heavenly father. Had, you know, polygamy start. Um, I'm sure that's what happened. Men and women were given revelation to be able to do that. 'cause that would be really tough. Tough. Yeah. So grateful, not asked to do that. Yes. Yes. Right. Right. Yeah, so honestly, when I started talking to you about doing a, a podcast with me, um, I was just thinking how, how you act or how you sounded, even just on text. I'm like, she doesn't sound stressed out. She sounds different. She sounds like she looks at life in a different way. Than I do or something. So tell me how having cancer has changed how you look at life and think about life. Because I can tell, I know, I think I can tell, you know, you, you and people say, why don't we live this way when we don't have the diagnosis? You know, why don't we take, but really when someone says you've got quality time, you don't know how much more time you have with these people you love. It becomes a priority and it's frustrating if it, if it's not their priority too. But, um, luckily my husband, it's been his priority and, and we just spend all the time we can together. Mm-hmm. And we just love it when we can spend time with our kids. And because that's, you know, you find out that's what's important. You start thinking about. How you wanna be remembered, how you wanna, the legacy you wanna leave And it's, it's hard 'cause you think about death all the time. All the time. Mm-hmm. Um, I think, I think about it only once or twice a day instead of every minute of every day. Mm-hmm. But I would say I still think about death like. Hmm, probably daily. Daily Uhhuh. You just think, okay, is this really important that my house is clean? No, it's not important that the house is clean. Is it important that my family knows how important my relationship with my heavenly father is? Yes. That is very important for them to know. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um. One of the things I did is I had this scan done on my hair follicles, and it goes through your diet and your environment and all these things, and tells you what, because right now the thing is inflammation. Inflammation is what is bad for cancer and you wanna avoid inflammation. Oh, so you fix your diet and you fix everything. One of the interesting things was emotions and, um. I, I don't want my family to see me sad. I want 'em to just see me happy. And they, and taking that test, she said, you know, you've got to share your emotions more. And we as a family have not been good at sharing our emotions. And so trying to change that in the last two years when they're already mostly grown is hard. Mm say. Okay. Well, how do you feel about that? Because, you know, holding stuff in can cause problems in your body, so, right. So are you telling me that she could tell from your hair test? My hair follicle scan? Yeah. She could tell that you hold your emotions in. Yeah, which was interesting. I mean, some of these did. It was very interesting, some of the things I've done, but that, that was one that was one of the interesting things to me was she says, you have got to deal with your emotions. Mm-hmm. You've gotta share 'em, you've gotta release them. You've got to, mm-hmm. Yes. This is what I tell my clients, so this is good. Well, I was thinking she might wanna hear this. Yeah. So, yes, exactly, because I have not been good. I want to be strong and I've always thought of myself as a strong person, and I don't like to be vulnerable. Mm mm-hmm. And it sounds, so you've been vulnerable, so you've been talking to your family about how you feel and you've been trying to get them to talk about, hey, how they feel. See, and I still, I've, I still could be better about how I feel, but I want them to learn not to express how they feel because mm-hmm. I don't want them to have, I want 'em to be able to deal with things well. Mm-hmm. You know? Mm-hmm. So, so, so you feel like you still struggle, I still struggle talking about your emotions. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Because you don't wanna be sad. In front of 'em. And they know. And they in fact, and especially since my oldest daughter and my youngest son still live here, my youngest son has said, mom, you never cry. You never, you know, how are you feeling? And I said, well, I do cry, but I do it in private. I do it when no one's looking. Mm-hmm. And, and it makes me think, okay, I need to do that more. In front of your kids. In front of my kids, but you don't want them to worry or be scared, right. So, mm-hmm. It's part of trying to protect them. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's probably been hard, you know, telling them you have cancer, telling them what the doctors say, although sometimes it's good news, sometimes it's bad. Do you sometimes. Not tell them everything or how do you, how have you Oh yeah. Your kids about they get this mad all the time. They got mad at me this last weekend because, okay, so my scan came back really good. Only one tumor left, but then they thought I have an appendicitis. They said, um, you need to go to the emergency room because your appendix looks like you have appendicitis. Whoa. So it'd be really sad for you be to be doing so well with cancer and die of appendicitis. Oh my goodness. So I was in the emergency room yesterday. You were? I was, but it wasn't appendicitis. They did a CT scan and they said, I'm fine and sent me home. So it's just a funny thing every six months, like six months ago there were, there were numbers by my liver and I didn't know what that meant. And I started freaking out thinking, okay, it spread to my liver. 'cause that's one of the places it goes. Liver, lungs, brain are the next places after the bones that it goes. And I thought, oh, great, here we go. And um, yeah, so I freaked Jeff out and, and the doctor's like, no, they're just starting to do this new thing. And I'm like, well, you should have told me that I would've seen this on my scan. It's like, well, you're not supposed to look at your skin until you talk to me anyway. Oh, it's just, oh my goodness. This is, it's a, it's an emotional rollercoaster all the time. Right? I bet. I mean, even though all of us, any, anyone could pass away, you know, um, at any time, right? Um, yeah. You still, you, you know that you have a certain, you, you know, that your life could be shorter than you were expecting. So I think it's interesting you say you put people first. Oh yeah. People come first now. 'cause there's those eternal things. Yeah. There's only certain things that are eternal and it's relationships and it's your character and it's your knowledge. You know, those are the eternal things. Those are the important things. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So where are you gonna focus your time if you've only got limited time? Right. It changes. It changes everything. The outlook and, and how we're usually worried about What things were you worried about before that you're thinking, oh, I shouldn't have been worried about that, or those things, material things, for sure. There's no, like, I care less about material things. I mean, it's nice to have nice things. Brooklyn just last week said, okay, mom, you need new lighting in your house. I said, well, you know, yes, I would like new lighting, but I would like new flooring, but whatever. Not, not priority. Not a priority. Going on a family vacation priority, making memories priority. Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah. What um, like what things. Have there been spiritual experiences where Heavenly Father has told you things or to help this be easier or, you know, I wish I could say that there have been, and maybe I'm praying for the wrong things, but, um, there's been a calm, I know that I'm living as I'm supposed to live, so I would be okay. I, I'm personally am okay to die. I just don't wanna leave my family yet. Mm. Mm-hmm. Right. I'm not okay with where they're at. Okay. You're wanting to be there to help them. I want to be there to help them and I've told Emily father, if it's, if I would be more help on the other side, then that's what it's gotta be. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But selfishly. I wanna be here on this side. Uhhuh. Yeah. Understandable. You wanna side be there to help your kids and your family. I wanna be here to help my kids because that's top priority. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right. Well, what advice would you give to people that are, might be going through the same thing, um, cancer or any other physical illness? Like this. So it's very interesting 'cause my sister is going through it. She just found out this summer, she just had her double mastectomy two weeks ago. She's struggling. She's in Arizona getting her treatments done and I have not been able to go and help her, which I feel very guilty about because I've had my own things that I've had going on. Mm-hmm. And so I'm hoping to get there as soon as I can. Um, what have I told her? Um, cancer in a way is a blessing. This is gonna be odd. One, it puts things into priority and perspective, but it's better than a car accident or a heart attack because you've got time to prepare, you know? Right. Versus those others and you have, your family has time to prepare themselves. Mm-hmm. And so I would say that would be a blessing of cancer is okay, my be heavenly father's way of saying, okay, I'm taking this person sometime, prepare yourselves. Right? Instead of out of the blue. Instead of out of the blue. Right? Mm-hmm. But I, and I mean, I guess it also depends on how you deal with it. Out of the blue would be better for some. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But not for me and my family, I guess. Right. I guess we like to, we like to prepare, right? Like to prepare. Right. Although we haven't prepared, like my sister, she did a trust. She's got all of that stuff done. I, I feel like that's not having faith in a way because I believe I can be healed if it's Heavenly Father's will. I also believe if it's his will, I cannot be healed. It's totally in his hands. Mm-hmm. Um, so I just don't feel like I've thought about, you know, do I go buy the burial plot? Thought about it, haven't done it. Mm-hmm. Maybe you don't need to. Maybe you've got, I know you know a lot. I hope That would be great. That would be amazing. It would be amazing. And I'm sorry to those families that don't like, so that should be some background I should tell the people is that, um, my husband's mother was diagnosed with cancer while he was on his mission. And so when I met her. She had cancer and she died four months later. Mm-hmm. And so he's already had someone close to him die of cancer. He was 21. And, um, I think that propelled our relationship in a way because I felt like I couldn't not be serious. I had to decide whether I wanted to be serious with this guy and this could go places rather than waste their time because time was precious. Yeah. And she's a great woman. Mm-hmm. So, but she, yeah, she died and so, yes. And we don't know why. Right. We don't know why some people go soon, some people don't. Um, I've heard. People saying that their blessing said they're needed over there to do work, or I'm thinking of someone I knew in Idaho and um, his blessing said that, uh, people are waiting for him. And he said that his wife read that when they're first married and she's had been worried about it, you know, and he did, he did pass away when I think he was 35. But, you know, and so. Ugh. So hard. All hard stuff. Difficult, hard stuff. There are hard things. Mm-hmm. But there are good things too. Yeah. Beautiful things, right? Relationships and experiences and mm-hmm. Things to learn. Right. Um, do you, what are some things, do you have things that. You guys are planning to do with your family soon or so? That's one thing when, when I was told that I, I'm gonna die of this, I've got limited time. Everybody's like, so what are you gonna do? What's your bucket list? And I'm like, well, I got, I guess I better start thinking, what's my bucket list? One of the things on my bucket list was to go to Israel. So, so funny. So in 2023, right after we found out the first trip I could get on to go to Israel and my husband switched jobs because of this diagnosis and everything, I mean, we just changed things, right? Because he wanted to have a, a more nine to five be counted on job rather than running his own business and never knowing when I was gonna see him. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um. It started this new job. I said, we're going to Israel. He's like, oh, I don't know. I just started this job. I said, I don't care. We're going to Israel. So we paid, we were in Petra, in Jordan when the bombs fell October 7th. Oh, wow. And they shut the borders to Israel. We had paid the money we were supposed to go and we couldn't get in. So they said, okay, we'll give you some money to find your way home. Or we'll put something together in Turkey and you can go Turkey. So we went to Turkey, but I was so sad. I, I just cried. I felt like Moses, because we were on Mount Nebo and we couldn't get in just like Moses. Oh. So totally relate to Moses. And um, I thought, okay, I guess I'm never gonna go to Israel. And that's what I had decided was my top bucket list, trip or whatever to do. Mm-hmm. Well, Jeff and I just got back from Israel two weeks ago. Oh yes, I saw your picture. So that is amazing. Yes. Did you love it? Yes, and I haven't finished, I haven't finished posting, but it was really fun. Yes, it was great. And, and the, they, they haven't had any tourists for two years and they says, please tell everybody how safe you felt here and everything else. But when we got home there was a bombing in Gaza. So you're like, okay. I felt safe there. I felt safe, but I wasn't, I dunno. It's sad that there are so many strong feelings and that people just can't get along. Oh, I know. I know. Wow. Yeah. That's, but, but hey, I got there and got there. It was so fun to be at the Jordan River. We had loved it. There I was in the Jordan River and I was on the Israeli side, and they had pa Palestinian flags on the other side. And I'm like, okay. Two years ago I got to that point. Mm-hmm. Now I am at this point. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So, oh, well, I'm so glad that, I'm so glad you got to go. Yeah. And I'm so glad things are going well. That's, that's such a blessing. Yes. Honestly, I didn't know what was happening. I know with, I know you didn't, so I didn't. And I'm really bad about telling people. But then I have a cousin also that's had cancer and she says, Heidi, you've got to make a better job of documenting your journey. She says, because I feel like that could be my journey, so you need to, so I'm gonna do better. I'm gonna repent and do better. But it's one of those things where you're like, okay, I don't know. It's hard to stop and document if you're wanting to live maybe, and enjoy, I don't know. Enjoy things maybe. Yeah. I don't know. I just, and sometimes I wanna tell people, and sometimes I don't wanna tell people. So like, there were only a few people on our trip that knew mm-hmm. That I had counsel. You know, it's just mm-hmm. It comes up, it's, you get different reactions, right? Yes. And emotionally you get tired. When we were first telling people we could only tell so many people a day, and then we were emotionally drained, right. And, and it's, it's draining and it's a job. It is a full-time job. You have to keep yourself okay. And then comfort everyone else or accept Yeah. Deal with what everyone's saying to you and Yeah, but just would be exhausting. Doctor's appointments and testing and every, it's a and financial, and it's a job. It's a, it's a job. I mean, when they told me that it was gonna be a year of my life back in 2019, I just burst into tears. She said, this is going to take a year of your life. Just going through the treatments is a year. And it's not breaks. Here it is. This is job Daily grinds. Mm-hmm. It's a job. Oh gosh. That's so hard. You did it. But I did it and I've been doing it and it's, yeah. Good. And I've got great doctors and great support. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So, so, um. I was just wondering if you would bear your testimony here at the end, 'cause I would love to hear it and I'm sure everyone would love to hear it if you don't mind. No problem. I know that we have a heavenly father that loves us and that he really does have our best interests at heart and the best interests of those that we love at heart. And um, Donna, I used to be a control freak. Cancer kind of gives you, you don't have control anymore and that's hard. Um, but you learn to trust and faith, I would say cancer has built my faith and my trust because I have to. Wow. I have to have trust and faith. Mm-hmm. Um, I know that Jesus is my savior and that he died for me and that. I've been a pretty obedient person most of my life. I have always wanted the blessings that come from obedience, so I've been a pretty obedient person, but forgiveness has been a harder thing for me and, um, you know, if I wanna be forgiven, I've got to be able to forgive. And I think that's one of the things that I've learned. Not because of cancer, just in my life. Um, I know the priesthoods been restored. I've had priesthood blessings. I see the priesthood in action in the temple. I love the temple. It's my happy place. Brings me joy and peace and comfort, and I feel like I'm doing good for my ancestors and I feel. I feel their buoyancy by doing their work. And so I, Jeff and I have said, do we spend too much time at the temple? Are we neglecting our children? And I don't think so. We try to find that balance, but I feel like they're their guardian angels. I do their work, they help me. I'm trying to build up my great big party I'm gonna have when I get to the other side with all these people that I've done their work for. And so I have a testimony of the temple and of work for the dead. Um, I have a testimony of tithing. I, when I was trying to decide on what university to go to, I was behind in my tithing and things fell into place once my tithing was paid. So I have a strong testimony of tithing and fasting and prayer. I mean, obviously prayer. That's where my prayer is, where my testimony started because I got the answers to my prayers to know that they're real and that they know what's going on with me and that they love me. And so I have a testimony of the prophet. President Oaks, I haven't been able to sustain him, but I started noticing when you go through that sustaining process, if you pay attention to how the Holy Ghost makes you feel when you're sustaining the new prophet there, at least for me, there's been, yes, this is the man for the job. This is the one who's been prepared. And so, although we haven't had his official sustaining yet. Port President Oaks. Mm-hmm. And I have strong testimony that Joseph Smith saw what he saw. And like your husband has said before, it makes sense to me. I can feel it. Um, book of Mormons True. It's the word of God. It's fits. It makes sense. I got to go to Israel and see all these other religions and love them. They're amazing. They've got amazing stuff. But I feel like we've got all the pieces put together. Mm-hmm. And so, um, I think that would be my testimony. Mm-hmm. Thank you so much. You're so welcome. So fun to talk to you. Yeah, I know I haven't talked to you for a long time. I know this has just been so nice and so fun to talk to you and, and I just think you're an amazing person and I love you and too your family. You too. We love you too. We love you and your family too. Thank you.