The Many Faces of The Mother

We all come from a mother. Some of us become mothers. And all of us, in our own way, carry the archetype of the Mother within us — the part that nurtures, creates, protects, and brings life into form. 

This podcast is an exploration of that energy — how it shows up in the families we raise, the businesses we build, the art we make, and the way we tend to others and ourselves. 

Together, we'll dive into the beauty and complexity of mothering — not just as a role, but as a force of nature, a calling, and a sacred way of being in the world.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Hello everyone. Welcome back to the known as perfect podcast. Today we are going to talk about an archetype called the mother. We as a collective, everyone has had a mother, because that's how we're created, is through a mother's womb. Everyone's been a child. So the experience of the pat the archetype of mother, we all have. So we can all agree on that. How different those experiences are is the conversation. So it's really about understanding today how this mother archetype, we're going to talk about the gifts and shadows of the mother archetype, like control and exhaustion and martyrdom, and also love and nurturing and holding with boundaries. And I really want to be clear as we begin that if you don't have children, this mother archetype still exists in a different way because you came from a mother. So it's relationship with your mother and also relationship with things that you create, that you protect, that you care for. So please know that we're all a collective when it comes, when it comes to mother. So as we begin, welcome, Marty. Good to see you again.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

You too, Christy.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

This is a big subject.

SPEAKER_00 1:39

It is, it's massive.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

It is. And uh as I was contemplating it this morning, I was thinking about my own mothering as a young mother and how confusing it was for me to want to do it so perfectly that in my obsession and anxiety for perfection, I became extremely controlling because I didn't want to do it wrong. It's so laughable to me today, and I feel bad for my children. My intentions were really good, and yet I didn't have the understanding or skill set to be flexible with my mothering.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Yeah, I so know this, Chrissy, because I was a voracious vegan before I got pregnant with my daughter. And then I was so sick through the entire pregnancy. Finally, a slurpee was the thing that actually calmed my stomach. So, like pure sugar. And it's so funny how, like you, I had this idea like, oh, I'm a vegan, and this and that. I became known as the Kool-Aid mom. Oh, in that you were drinking Kool-Aid or you're giving Kool-Aid, giving Kool-Aid, basically Kool-Aid-like stuff. Like I all that vegan stuff went out the window, and I was like, I'm a flailing mother here. I'm just gonna do whatever, you know. I mean, I did eat feed some healthy food, but still it was like, I mean, I had a couple people like my neighbors like, you're like the Kool-Aid mom. And I was just like, Yeah, pretty much. Oh, reminds me of old Kool-Aid commercials. I ate more crow after you had a banquet table, gobbling up crow, like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

Was it because you had judgment around people who weren't vegans?

SPEAKER_00 3:39

No, I had just judgment about people in general before I ever became a mom, you know, and I'd be like, oh, and then you're you're a mom and you're like, oh my god. It is that it's daunting, it's so daunting. It's yeah, so every judgment I had about things like flew out the window. That's why I mean I was like, I ate so much crow.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

I was like, Yeah, because you think you know, I I think that's probably the biggest thing is yeah, the judgment is there of yeah, and I think whether you have a child or not, we we all tend to do well. If it were my kid, yeah, I would blank. Yeah, my kid would never act like that or oh god, such a natural thing to to project our own judgment towards other people around mothering, right? Yeah, oh yeah, and I and even with people who who don't have children, yeah, I would ask you to see where in your life that you over-mother that could be a pet, that could be a creation, that could be a friend, or your nieces and nephews. Where does that mothering come in, which is can be over caring, over-nurturing for someone? Um, it can be a healer aspect in us. And I think it's important too as we as we begin to notice those going back into time of our own mother, how and asking ourselves, how was that for you with your mother? Because so much of our experiences and our beliefs come from mother, yeah, yeah. And I would say, Marty, for me having children, I hope to God my children can give me compassion for my mothering, and it's made it so much easier for me to give my mother compassion.

SPEAKER_00 5:47

Yeah, oh understanding. It's so true. You just it's same for me. My mean my mom's been gone a long time, as has my father, but I I definitely see things where I think about what my mom and I know pretty severe things my mom went through, and I'm like, oh wow, like how she how how'd you deal with that? You know, like and like you and I talked about, like, even in my own daughter, I'm like, send me the therapy bills. Oh, yeah, because mothering is challenging, yeah, and and I love your point, Christy, too, because you know, it's we don't want to limit it to if you actually gave birth to a child. There's so much, like I have seven animals, I'm a mother to these animals, and and and like you said, a project, a business, your partner you can be like mothering to. You can mother people that work under you if you're a manager or like even if you're co-workers. There's just so people, like you said, creations, your business. There's so many ways we can do that, both positively and not so positively. And that's why I love like your as you're gonna talk about the mothering archetype.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

It's so good for people to know that because you might recognize yourself in yeah, and in that recognition, and remember with archetypes, just a reminder, they're neutral, right? That each archetype has the aspect of light and shadow, shadow representing the parts of us that we can't see. Like when when my I first started to mother, I was very controlling. I had the schedule because I was gonna do it right, and I laughed because then I it wasn't working. Oh my kids weren't minding me. And I I I remember listening to a parenting CD because I didn't know what to do. And I asked my son, Cole, I said, and he was probably seven or eight. We're driving home from school, and I said, Okay, Cole, I want to ask you a question. It's okay, whatever you tell me. Which obviously he's going. And I said, Do you think I'm controlling? And he said, I am so not gonna answer that question, mom. And there you have your answer. Exactly. And then we drove a little ways. I said, honey, I'm not going to get upset with you. I'm trying to learn how to be a better mom. I'm I'm working on myself because I one thing about my mothering is as I learned, I would tell my children, I'm learning. Could you please help me in a nice way when I become too controlling? Yeah. And we joked about it because I said, you could even say a code word like watermelon, which for me would be, mom, you're overstepping. Yeah, I like that. I like that because then it's not disrespectful to me as their mother. Right. But I was working on my control issues, which come from anxiety and fear of doing it wrong. And and so understanding that that archetypal piece, I didn't know what I didn't know until I started learning that that shadow aspect of my control came from anxiety.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

That is the most important thing, too, Chrissy. I think like you didn't know what you didn't know. I didn't know what I didn't know. And then when I knew it, I was like, oh, that makes so much sense why I behave that way. Yeah. And that brings empathy and understanding. Like you said, then you we think of our own mothers, and then you're like, whoa, what was that like for her?

SPEAKER_01 9:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:41

And I think that's one of the most important aspects of understanding your mother and giving grace for your mothering, however, that is.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

Yes. Oh, grace, right? Just oh, I mean, I could go on and on about this, like culturally, how women are under so much pressure, you know, in the mothering field, and how it's like, no, compassion, it's it's to me, it's the most important thing you can do. Um, meaning, and I was a you know, a working mom, and I, you know, but I I think in anything like that, like if you're starting your business and your business is your baby, that is literally going to be the most important thing to you, you know. Um, and it that to I think coming back to compassion for ourselves for the ways that we fall short is so important. So it's not it's not taught a lot. No, it isn't from starting a business to wherever, it's you know, it's like rah-rah, like make it happen, and you're gonna do this. And then you're like, why is this not happening for me? And then you end up feeling terrible about yourself. And I think that's that like you're to your point, like embracing the shadow part of us, because we all have it, and making friends with that and being like, Well, of course. I mean, I the best thing that ever happened for me from like a business mothering a business and mothering my daughter was when I woke up from the nightmare and was like, Oh no wonder, no wonder I behave that way. Yeah, that was genuine compassion then, yeah, and that's where tapping for you came in.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

And I'm assuming, like when you noticed the pattern, the shadow aspect to forgive yourself and talk through it and understand what the like the they're like little hooks or slivers, yes, of guilt, of shame, of control that kind of eat away at us until we can go, yeah, I totally get that. I was a control freak. Yeah, and I also understand why. That's yeah that's the moving in and out of, and I I don't even like it's not a matter of getting rid of or healing it or making it go away, it's a matter, I think, of living with what okay, here's all the aspects of it.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

Let's work with that, and yeah, because it's a dynamic process, right? Right, it's so true, and I do find that like even my sense of humor comes out more. I was I was talking to my daughter. Uh, there's a young woman who I would like when she talks to me, like she has this kind of idealized version of me, and I was telling my daughter this, and I I I mean, I she's a lovely human being, a young gal. And I was like, wow, where did this like come from? This feeling that she has towards me. I'm like, do I remind her of somewhere? But my daughter was laughing hysterically because I'm like, okay, Bailey, next time, like if you're around, listen to how like she talks to me. I go, you will literally be like, is she talking about the same person? And we were just laughing about that. Because it's that, you know, like Bailey knows me, you know, as a mother, and she knows like and I love that we can laugh about that, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

Well, and Marty, as a mother that you've done a lot of work, yes, because I believe that as a mother, you have to, it's required to do some work to be able to laugh at it. Oh my god, yes, and not blame, right?

SPEAKER_00 13:48

Oh, a punishment before it was like may a may I cope. I'm a horrible human, a horrible person. And then it's like now I can I can think back, and and and that's how I know a lot of it is healed because I've gone through it, and even you know, talking to my daughter about it, it she has such a different perspective now, and it's it's and even then she was like, Mom, that's I didn't even see it that way.

SPEAKER_01 14:14

And I'm like, Oh, yeah, yeah, and having a conversation, Marty. I so many times I've as I've learned something or healed something, I'll say to my boys, I'm so sorry I did that, right? And and they will have the same response of mom, I totally get it. And how I um shamed myself about it was way worse than what my kids ever thought of, too. And that sounds like the same with your daughter Bailey.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

Oh, yeah, very much so. And I think even my parents were born in the 20s, and I'm the youngest, like there was no, like, hey, I'm sorry I behave that way with you, you know, like you didn't hear that from parents in my generation. It's like as I say, not as I do, you know, be seen, not heard. And I like you, I want her to know, you know, oh, I've I I've seen this, and I have a stepdaughter too, and I I feel the same way about that. I want her to know, you know, I see these things about myself.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

Yeah. Well, Dr. Gabor Mate, who has done so much work in trauma, and I so love his phrase that he came up with that I've heard through him. Maybe he didn't come up with it, but not what's wrong with you, what happened to you. Oh, yes, it's so powerful, especially when we're experiencing a shadow aspect of a mothering archetype, like even the um, someone who's really controlling and smothering to the point that they it's almost like consuming yeah, a project, like you said, or a child, a sibling, and that's really where that question comes through is what happened.

SPEAKER_00 16:13

Uh oh, absolutely. Because we replicate what happened, absolutely, and I think, yeah, that that I love that line too. Yeah, what happened to you? Because that's for me too, as I tapped through different experiences where I was like shaming myself for it. I couldn't even talk about it, you know, without the fluttering voice. And now I could tell anyone the story. It was just this awakening, and we call it a cognitive shift in tapping, like all of a sudden you see it clearly. Like I was like, Oh, I wonder. Of course I did that. How could I have done it any other way? Yeah. Like the upbringing that I had. There's no way I could have done it differently, you know, and that's that's self-compassion, you know.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

And that's what helps our bodies somatically quit contracting. Yes. And you had talked about, and I'm curious in some of our other podcasts that you used to have skin issues. Did you ever notice that when you were raising your child of that coming and going? I'm just curious.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

No, it's funny. I noticed it at a very early age, and then I didn't notice that so much when I was mothering like my daughter. I don't remember that, but it always seemed to show up in times of great stress around that. And um, yeah, for it's interesting. That's a really, really great question you asked. I don't actually, I had other stuff that showed up physically. I was mothering. But what other thing stands out that you remember? Um, like what's funny, I've never, I've always had people ask me, are you not prone to headaches? Like tight, like super tight neck and shoulders to the point that I was like, uh, you know, and I don't have that now, but I think all that, you know, and on my shoulders, the weight that I was carrying us, and ultimately I ended up being a single mom, you know, um for a while. So it was like the weight of that. And um, I here's the other thing that I would say probably more than like is is just my anxiety was through the roof. And not real, I mean, not really having someone to talk to about that. Like it was such a breath of fresh air. When you know, the first person that I could talk to about stuff around that and be like, oh, I'm not alone. Yeah. Because again, culturally, there's so much pressure on women around mothering and being the perfect mother. And give me a break. Excuse me. I don't care what anyone says, no one is the perfect mother. And even I was talking to a young woman who's a new mom, too, and she was talking, she was actually talking about a rash that her child had. And I mean, she's like pristine with this child's diet, like utterly pristine. And I we were having a conversation about, and I said, it kind of like, imagine me saying this to her. She has it, kind of sounds like you maybe need to let go of your grasping a bit about I've got to be the perfect mother, have the perfect diet, like loosen the grip a little bit. And and she was like, Oh my god, that feels so true. Yeah, trying so hard to be pleasing and to you know, please herself and her own standard or wherever that came up for for her that she had to be this way, like that's pressure, and interesting that this rash was showing up on her child.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

Yeah, and my brain wants to go, where was the rash?

SPEAKER_00 20:07

Uh the bottom of the feet, bottoms of the feet, bottoms of the feet, and then kind of up the calves, yeah. So and different parts of the body, actually.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

Okay, yeah, because some sometimes too, like with I've worked on hundreds of babies, newborn babies, and what I noticed through the years, and my own mother has worked on probably thousands of newborn babies, yeah. And what we have noticed is when a mother holds herself to that high expectation of perfection, it can go into the baby in different ways. Like sometimes the baby can feel anxious because mother's anxious, so yeah, that makes so much sense, right? And the please know big loud here doesn't mean you did anything, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

Nothing wrong here.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

It's no right, but it's an understanding that even a baby that is grown in uh your womb is grown within your own nervous system. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:17

That's I I was telling my daughter, oh, I'm so sorry of all the stress you experience in vitro.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

Yes, because that's life happens, yeah, yeah. And from a a little human perspective, right? Everything is around mother.

SPEAKER_02 21:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:38

And or not, like if a mother is neglectful or a child is neglected, yeah. That that's really where a lot of these imprints start happening, and it's almost like feeling lost in a great big world, and sometimes it takes years to find the path back to. How to mother ourselves, how to get in touch with, like if there's been neglect, how the beginning pieces of that journey is that how do I begin to do the process of mothering myself and not waiting for a mother figure on my mother come and meet my needs, right?

SPEAKER_00 22:22

The reparenting of the self. And I see that in myself, like, hey, baby, you didn't do anything wrong when I talk to myself that way. And it's funny, Chrissy, I never put that, which is kind of hilarious, you know, that like with the mother, of course, like when Bailey was in vitro, there was so much stress in my life going on. And then I think about when I was in vitro in my mom in my mom's womb, they were having to make the decision about my sister in a brain tumor when my mom was pregnant with me. So you're like, and then you're like, of course the baby's absorbing it. But I didn't even think about that with this young woman that I was talking to about the rash on her baby, because you know, she was, of course, judging herself and making herself feel like she's doing everything right, and yet still this is happening. And to be like, Oh, yeah, of course, maybe that's what the baby's picking up on is the stress that the mom's putting herself under, you know, because you know that's what we do, that's our culture, you know. It's interesting because I've had the interesting fortune of talking to a couple of young women recently who are new mothers, and it's like, you know, giving on my perspective, it's like that this is a this is like one of the most challenging things you will ever do in your entire life, ever. Yeah. Break. There's not like CEOs get breaks, you know, like that. This is like on, and then all the guilt and the shame and the pressure and the this. And I just think it's and culturally, you know, it's horrible the messaging that women get. And and it's like to I just think that's the best gift we can give each other and ourselves is compassion, yeah, you know, and awareness of like, well, of course I'm doing that, of course that's happening, you know, making yourself wrong, you know, because you have moments where you're like, I love my kid, but I want to break.

SPEAKER_01 24:21

Yeah. Hello, and giving yourself the space to want to be away from them, yes, to want to literally take a break and a breath, and not feeling guilty about that because we've all seen the you know, put your oxygen mask on first, and then one of the shadow aspects of this mother is martyr. Oh, right. Well, no, I need to do it on them, they need it more, and then what happens when we continue to be the martyr mother, yeah, is resentment builds, and sometimes there's a moment when a mother either thinks or will say, After all that I've done for you, oh Lord, right, and then the manipulation happens. That's also an aspect of us as mothers, in whatever way that is, to do our own work so we don't project right our guilt or martyrdom onto others, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

I mean, I know that for myself to even ultimately ended up a single mom, like being like, I have got to find a way to have time for myself and to be able to ask for that was like, you know, unreal. And I it's funny, a story popped in my head. I was out one night with a girlfriend of mine, and we were talking to these other guys. We were all like single parents, which was interesting. And I was I made this comment and I said, I love my daughter, but sometimes she drains me. That's literally what I said. And Chrissy, the guy across the table for me, goes, You are weak. Like, like, and I and I mean, I was like, What? It was so funny because he was so harsh. It's actually astonishing. Like that I was like, what is this about? That I didn't, I wasn't devastated by what he said. I mean, I didn't like it, it wasn't pleasant, but I was like, what? Like that. I it I was so shocked by him saying that. Well, guess what? I find out he has a live in nanny. Ah, that's a very different scenario, isn't it? As like Kate, yeah, okay. I think I'm not gonna listen to what you have to say about me. Well, and I am a live-in nanny. I am the nanny.

SPEAKER_01 26:45

Yeah, and I also think that someone that sees that as a weakness, yeah. Because what you just expressed was vulnerability and got attacked for that vulnerability, yeah, yeah. Which I think that's probably more of the weak the weakness of that would be that's a whole other issue that he that just was projected onto you.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

Yeah, it was so wild. I and I remember thinking, I'm like, he must think this about his ex. Like, well, I'm sure, and probably their mother. But yeah, it was amazing. I mean, I still obviously remember the experience, but then I was like, he has a living that like I think it was his buddy that said to me when they were leaving, he goes, He has a living nanny. And I was like, Oh, wow, yeah, and and that brings up a good point, Christy. It's like that whole term consider the source. Like when I get advice from people, or even as a mother, like I when I was a mom, yeah, you know, it was like read this book and be militant. And I thank God I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. And now having taken trauma classes, I'm so glad that I couldn't do that. Yeah, couldn't make her cry herself to sleep. That's what happened to me. And I have abandonment issues, shocker. But it was like, I just it's so and it was so hard because I have these authorities telling me that's what I should do. And I was like, I couldn't do it, and let me tell you, it was a free-for-all for me, and and I will tell this story publicly because I think it's really important. I had to get to work, and my daughter was very young, and Christy. I put that child on my lap, and I got in my car, and I drove with her on my lap, started to drive with her on my lap to the daycare. And thank God a cop pulled me over, and that guy, I mean, he reamed me, dreamed me, and and I I mean, I knew it was wrong, like I was so overwhelmed and under so much pressure, and thank God he saw me like right away and pulled me up. He goes, You have no idea the stuff I've seen and and all that, and I'm I'm telling you, I'm I I I know I wouldn't have done it again, but I was like, I I want people to know that story because I trust me, there's people like, oh, she could you do that and blah, blah, blah. And I get it, I get it, but I remember that day so distinctly. I had to be at the offices a certain amount. It was super challenging what was going on with my daughter. She didn't want to go to daycare, she was young. I was feeling all that guilt and all that shame about it. And then it was like, I'm just gonna give her a gift of being on my lap. And I mean, can I look at that and go, that was insanity? Yeah, and some level. And it was also the other side of it to have compassion is I was so overwhelmed. I was just trying to do something to give my daughter like some love and kindness in a very maladaptive way. And and I I am so grateful to that guy. And I think it for me it's important to share that story because anybody like one that's out there judging themselves, like, just remember that story, and you might be like, you know what? Maybe I'm not that bad as a mom.

SPEAKER_01 30:25

I think that's a really good example, Marty. Yeah, yeah, we have all done. I think everyone that's ever raised a child knows that feeling, yeah. Especially when the overwhelm gets high. Whether you're working or not working, it happens both in both circumstances, yeah. And the shoulds of all I should love this, I should blank with the mother archetype. That is such a key phrase to pay attention to. I should blank. Oh Lord, right? That's really some beautiful work that can be done too, right?

SPEAKER_00 31:06

And I call that the bully in the brain. The bully's like, sounds rational, sounds reasonable. You should, but you know it's the bully because you feel terrible about yourself. I should do that, but I can't. And actually, Christy, another quick story. I ran into a woman when I was out mountain biking. This story was all over like the Albuquerque papers years ago. She ran into a convenience store and left her child in the car seat to run grab something on the way to daycare. The car got carjacked. Oh, well, they found the car and they found the baby, and she was fine. And it was it's so funny that I ran into that woman when I was out in the mountain packing. She freaking she told me, and I was like, I have no judgment about you because like I don't either stuff, and like I get it, and I think it's you know, those those, you know, the story of the father that never took the child to daycare, but on the day he was taken, he forgot and left her in the car. Yeah, died. I remember I can see that, yeah, I can see how that could happen, and I think it's just like, yeah, it's like uh, you know, in those instances, there's just so much pressure, and it's just like, how can I like you're the great word, how can I give myself some grace with this? I'm not getting a break, I'm completely overwhelmed. This this child that I love, I love him even more than when they're sleeping. Yes, actually can kind of get stuff done, and there's nothing wrong with that. No, but again, our culture is like be the perfect mom and have it all like wrapped up in blah blah blah blah blah blah, and it's like stick a fork in me, I'm done.

SPEAKER_01 32:58

Yeah, because it doesn't, that's not real, yeah. It's not real, and yeah, I I think I really believe that that's partly why we're such a medicated culture, is because that anxiety of needing it to be perfect or whatever the hell perfect means, yeah, mothering and anxiety and also medication to not fall asleep during the day because you were up all night with your kid. Oh, right, it's such a cycle of challenging things, yeah, with that with mothering. And even I'm gonna just turn a little bit with as an example for like sometimes an older sister of a family can be mother. Oh yeah, and never step out of that mothering role. And sometimes it's a different kind of um, it's a different kind of shadow in that they can be an overgiver to the point that they neglect themselves as a as of a mother archetype within the family structure to take care of the siblings underneath them. And how important it is, if that's you, to be able to step back and understand that number one, that isn't your role, but if you tend to be the overgiver in the relationships within that system of family, that would be an aspect of shadow, yeah, of of mothering, over giving, over-nurturing to feel a void somewhere in you. What is that? Yeah, or over mothering people at work. Oh right, and it's you know, it's an in and out and back and forth of okay, how does how is this showing up? Yeah, and sometimes I think too, Marty, and I've been in my practice a long time, and as have you. And sometimes there's such a high level of guilt or shame around looking at some of the wounds of your mother and how you were mothered. Right.

SPEAKER_00 35:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:23

Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 35:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:25

I think that that would be I don't I don't know how to say uh it's a good place to start to ask yourself how did I feel as a kid? What did I notice when my mother was anxious or not, or did I notice? Do I remember being a kid? Right. Yeah, because we can't uncover these aspects of us until we go back to where that really began.

SPEAKER_02 35:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:53

Within the structure of mother.

SPEAKER_00 35:56

Yeah. And it's so true, Chrissy. When I work with people with tapping, it's amazing. The first hurdle we typically have to overcome is the guilt and shame that they feel about the disappointments they've had with their parents. Yeah. And so it's like, let's work through that so that you can give that child in you the voice that they need to say whatever they need to say. You don't have to walk up to your parents and say that. No. Like back to Adam and Eve, as they say, we could go all the way back, but it's to give yourself your truth about that, because that's and it to me, and when you tap on that, that's what sets you free. And that's what set me free with both my parents is when I let myself, you know, rant, tap on like you sucked, and blah, blah, blah. And I'm like going, worst parents ever, you know, that kind of thing. And then all of a sudden I was like, I don't feel that way now, because I've released this stuff that has been stuck in me forever, and I finally gave it a voice, and I finally reparented that child within me and said, Here's your truth, and now you get to have it. You know, the thing that so many of us didn't get, you know, it's massive.

SPEAKER_01 37:11

And voicing it, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:13

Like you said, voicing it is huge. Oh, it's massive because it helps you to feel more fully, which is like releasing, yeah. And then the emotions move through you rather than stay stuck and like, oh, no wonder I have road rage, you know.

SPEAKER_01 37:32

Yeah, because that's those aspects of us, they don't go away, even though sometimes in our heads we will uh I think we try in general, humans try to intellectualize it so much, and then it gets put away in the body.

SPEAKER_00 37:47

Yeah, we think our feelings rather than feel them.

SPEAKER_01 37:50

Yeah, yeah. And yeah, it's it's a funny thing, we humans. Yes, because we're in an age now, like our parents wouldn't have um talked about their feelings and their parenting. We're in a new age of okay, here we are, let's talk about parenting and what it felt like so we don't recreate it right with others, yeah. But it does require us to look at our own pieces around it, right?

SPEAKER_00 38:23

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:27

And I think of um my sister Effie, who we'll have on the podcast, she has she's a mother of a child that has a genetic disorder that's been really, really challenging. Uh, and one of the biggest things that she has come to know is that if she doesn't take care of herself, she can't take care of her son.

SPEAKER_00 38:49

Wow, that's so such a great thing to know.

SPEAKER_01 38:53

Well, and the challenge with that is there's so much judgment from others that that's her stance.

SPEAKER_00 38:59

Oh, yeah, of course, of course, like yeah, yeah. The best line I ever heard children's needs are best met by parents whose needs are met. I love that. Yes, and yeah, it's yeah, there's so much, and that's what I this other young woman that I was talking to when I was finally telling her I was a free-for-all, and telling her about like my, you know, my mothering, and she was like, Oh, this makes me feel so much better because everybody I talk to, you know, I always say it's butterfly parts and fairy farts, and everything is beautiful, yeah. And it's like, no, it's a challenge, it's a massive challenge, and it's you know, but of course, you're supposed to be the perfect mother, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:46

Which is laughable, right?

SPEAKER_00 39:49

Right, it is laughable because yeah, we are so human, yeah. And I also think of that with our children. To me, you give them the best gift you could ever give them by showing them your humanity, and by showing them I've got this humanity, and here's how I'm dealing with it.

SPEAKER_01 40:08

Yeah, that's a great, yeah. Well, it it teaches, I think it teaches our children we're human and we can grow. Yes, it models for them a way as we look at our own stuff, just like my question with Cole, am I controlling? I knew I was controlling, but it helps to have the conversation because it was a learning process, right? But I can talk about those things, yeah, and not be held in shame. Yeah, yeah, let's work on that together. I think that's how healing happens with I love it.

SPEAKER_00 40:44

It's like God, Chrissy. That's he's like, I'm not even gonna answer that. And like the time I said to my daughter, I'm like, I had no idea I was so anxious. Chrissy, she was literally like, what? Again, you had no idea you were anxious. She's like, What? And I'm like, Oh, I am, and I didn't, I mean, it's funny that I didn't see myself that way, which is amazing because now I'm like, oh my god, I'm riddled with it. But it was like, you know, it was just she was just like, What? Do I do I burst your bubble of like you're not anxious? So funny, and I remember we just started laughing about it because I'm like, oh, I am, yeah, little bit, little bit.

SPEAKER_01 41:37

Oh, and I love that we can laugh about it, Marty. Oh my goodness, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:43

You kind of have to because there's been many many moments of crying. Oh, yeah, and self, you know, flatellate flagellation of like yeah, yeah, yeah, horrible mother, right?

SPEAKER_01 41:56

Yeah, and that's not helpful, no, because we're here to nurture, and I'm I'm thinking, Marty, it'd be nice to do just a little tiny bit of tapping on mothering, mothering self.

SPEAKER_00 42:10

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:12

Can we do a little bit of that and then we can um give people some resources, whether they have a child or not? We all about mothering self and taking care of self.

SPEAKER_00 42:23

We all have to reparent ourselves. And I always tell people it's really helpful if you find a picture of yourself that resonates with you, it can be a couple pictures at a particular age, then sometimes initially you can just connect with that picture of yourself, and it really helps you like viscerally get in touch with the little child. So, um, yeah, so let's go to the karate shop. Okay, even though we all have an inner child, and we all have a wounded child within. What if I could connect with my wounded child now? Even though I have a child within me. It's riddled with expectations, riddled with guilt and shame. Never really feeling quite good enough. I choose to honor this part of me now. Even though that child within me really wants to be heard really tries to get my attention. Sometimes you're vigorous. Times through little ones. What if I can start to connect with that part of me now? Go to the eyebrow. My child gets activated. What if that's good to know? When I catch myself in big emotions, big energy. What if that's an indication? My inner child is activated and is trying to get my attention. Because that child really needs to be heard. And what if I could start practicing? Being present with my inner child. Learning how to reparent that inner child. And letting that child know. I see you. I hear you. And I'm here for you now.

unknown 45:47

Take a breath.

SPEAKER_01 45:51

And as you do the tapping to bring in the somatic aspects of the body, which is to notice any clenching or holding in your base, like around your hips and your groin. That's where childhood, a lot of childhood issues are held and contracting really tight without noticing your contracting. So as you do the tapping and take a deep breath to really relax your tush, your groin, and your legs. That is in somatic work, the base chakra, which is the energy parts in the body that hold memory for childhood, for tribal systems and culture. And to notice that, and sometimes it's helpful to move around and shake your legs after doing that kind of tapping and umor doing some yoga to open up the legs and the stretch your tush because the soft tissue in our body holds memory. And the soft tissue is our emotional response to what's happening internally, let alone externally, when something comes at us. It's happening, and every time we tell ourselves a story about something, it's it happens again. So to start to notice with this whole mothering conversation we had today is what's happening in my body that I can kind of lean into and feel into around mothering myself, and you might also be around mothering others, right? So be open to where the contraction might be felt and and like we said, giving it some compassion and grace. Yeah, because we are all a work in progress, yeah, while we're here, and the whole idea, and we were talking about this before we started, Marty, of this podcast is to offer resources for that process, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And yeah, it's there's all different kinds, and we're offering you what we have, and yeah, and it is a process of learning.

SPEAKER_00 48:10

So oh my goodness, right? Yeah, yeah, and tall you young mothers out there are mothers at all, it's a journey.

SPEAKER_01 48:18

Life is be patient, yes, give yourself some grace, yeah, and yeah, and rest. Yes, yes, and rest. So thank you everyone for being part of this conversation today. We'll probably bring in um one more conversation around new mothering, absolutely I think it would be helpful, and also uh because what that makes me think of is postpartum depression, oh right, you know, which I certainly had, and so another conversation around mothering, yeah, specifically is for anyone who's had a mother and to be patient with the process of of healing and and how that should or shouldn't look. Right, I love it, yeah. So that's thank you, Christy. Upon this conversation again next time.

SPEAKER_00 49:16

Yeah, next time. All right, bye for now.

SPEAKER_01 49:19

Bye bye.