How to Stop the Mental Spiral

Today we’re talking about something that sounds simple… but can be wildly difficult in real life: allowing yourself to feel your feelings—without getting trapped in the story. 

Because so many of us don’t actually get stuck in the emotion… we get stuck in the meaning we attach to it. We get stuck in the mental courtroom, the replay room, the “what-if” spiral—the psychic prison where the mind keeps looping, trying to solve a feeling like it’s a problem to fix. 

And if you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I stop thinking about this?”or “What is wrong with me?”—we want to name this gently: you’re not crazy. Your system is trying to protect you. Your mind is trying to create certainty… but the cost is that you leave your body, and you lose access to the one thing that actually creates change: presence. 

So in this episode, we’re going to give you a way out of the loop. 

Not by forcing positivity. 

Not by “calming down” through pressure. 

But by learning how to interrupt the pattern—story to sensation, sensation to choice. 

When your mind turns into a psychic prison, it’s usually doing one of two things: 

• Trying to keep you safe by solving, predicting, rehearsing, defending, and explaining. 
• Trying to keep you loyal to an old identity: the one who must understand everything before they’re allowed to feel.

So the interruption isn’t “stop thinking.” 

It’s: move from story → sensation → choice. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Hello everyone. Welcome back to No One is Perfect. The unfiltered conversations of life's messiness. And isn't that so true?

SPEAKER_02 0:13

Oh my god, yes.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Hello, Marty. Good to see you again.

SPEAKER_02 0:17

You do every day.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Right. So today, uh, we are going to talk about a subject that I find fascinating. We're going to talk about something that sounds really simple and but it can be wildly difficult in real life. And this is allowing yourself to feel your feelings and without getting trapped in the story of your feelings. Because they can trap us and then we get stuck. And we we get stuck in the emotion of it, but more importantly, we get stuck in the meaning we attach to the emotion. And we get stuck in this mental courtroom and we keep going over what they said and what we said and what they said and what we said in the scenarios. And that creates what's called the psychic prison where the mind keeps looping. Because what it's doing is it's trying to stay, it's trying to solve a feeling like it's a problem. We're trying to mental make a mental construct out of something that's a feeling construct. And if you've ever thought, why can't I stop thinking about this? That actually is called a loop. And also, what is wrong with me that I'm still thinking about this? Believe me, I've done that a million times. And we just want to name that gently that your system is trying to protect you. Your mind's trying to create certainty in some way. But the cost that happens when our minds do this is we disconnect from our body and our feeling sense. And we shut everything down from your chin down. So we stay in the mind. And so in this episode, Marty and I wanted to talk about okay, how do we how do we change that loop? By that doesn't mean using toxic positivity, because I don't think that's helpful. Yeah. And not telling yourself that you need to calm down because I don't that just calms me right down. Right. But we are going to lean into okay, how can we interrupt a pattern that is hijacking us from story and feeling the sensation of the story in our bodies and giving it room, giving it space, and then from that sensation to make a choice, a different choice, so we don't stay in that loop and continue to be there for weeks, sometimes years, sometimes decades. Because this is a very real thing. And I think the thing that is the most challenging about the psychic prison that logically it sounds ridiculous that the keys are hanging on the wall of the prison and the doors open. And we don't know number one how to pick up the keys or that we have access to it. And there's no shame in it because our human nature is, I mean, we are hardwired to survive. And what I hope we can offer today are a few keys for people that they can see and they go, Oh my god, there's a key. I'm gonna take that key and unlock myself out of this loop. So I quit getting hijacked by the story. So that's our conversation today, Marty, which I am super excited about.

SPEAKER_02 3:49

Yeah, me too. And I love it. You know, we you know, Chris, we always have great conversations before we even hit record. Yeah, and it made me think of think uh when I first started doing tapping, I became aware of like, I think my feelings rather than feel them. Yeah. And it's you know, it's it's a survival tactic, but I think the big key in a lot of what I heard and what you were saying is that it goes back to that judgment of a self. You know, the keys are there, but sometimes we can't even see the keys. I think about like, say there's a car you've never seen before, all of a sudden you see the car, now you see the car everywhere. Maybe it's been around for a year and you never saw it, but suddenly you see it everywhere because your awareness is heightened to it. And if you weren't taught, you know, autonomy as a child, if you weren't taught sovereignty, you're gonna think you don't have that capacity within you. And I see the biggest thing in my own life, one of the biggest things I've had to learn is that sovereignty and autonomy. Instead of I was taught, if those people would just behave differently, I'd be okay. Yeah, you know, and that was just an endless loop of disappointment and why do they keep doing that and why do they keep and then I would just shut down on my feelings, on my body. Instead of when I started to when I found tapping, I was like, oh, I'm no longer afraid of my emotions. Doesn't mean they're comfortable, doesn't mean I want to feel them, you know, but I do see feeling fully is the way through them, and and that is what will open the eyes to oh, there's keys right there. Because as you lower cortisol, lower adrenaline, allow yourself to, you know, feelings aren't buried dead, they're buried alive. It's you start to regulate, you have access to the prefrontal cortex, that slower thinking part of the brain, that's like, oh, there's keys.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Yeah. And that takes, I think, the awareness around that, and also noticing when your nervous system is so activated that you disconnect from feeling and sometimes disconnect from any sense of emotion or feeling sometimes even in the body. Like I how many people I've met through my practice through the years? How are you doing? Well, I don't know, I don't feel anything. And the movement is so fast to it's almost like a running away from feeling. Yeah. To stop would right, there's a tsunami. Yes. And what I hope we can invite in is an allowing of noticing when the nervous system is so activated that we either shut down, crawl under the blanket, which is appropriate sometimes, run away. Can we give that some space and then choose from that space?

SPEAKER_02 6:59

I I love this, Christian. I love what you're saying because as you know, I just fostered two dogs and just they just found their forever homes. And it's fascinating. There were actually three dogs, but I only had the three for like a day and a half. But the two brothers had distinctly different personalities, same breed, same litter. The one's survival tactic is I'm gonna love everybody and jump on your lap, lick you. The other one was way more skittish, way more kept to themselves. And to know that they both have this, they both have trauma, but they're showing up differently with it. And to notice that and not try to force one to be like the other in any way, shape, or form, but to allow them, like to allow the one little guy to be skittish, to allow him, and it became this game. Then when I would go to put the leash on him, take him out for a walk, he'd dart on one side of the island because I kept him in our fifth wheel and I stayed in there with him. He'd dart on one side, then dart to the other. It was like this going around the center island, and then all of a sudden I grabbed a little barrier, it's a real lightweight fence, he could have busted through it, and then he's like, Oh, she's coming to get me. But the more that happened, the more it just became a game, and then eventually he would because I wasn't trying to force anything, other than you're gonna get on the leash at some point here, but I I didn't get hostile with him. He jumped up on the couch that's right by the door, and then he's like, and then I could put it on him, so I I was really paying attention to these two very distinctly different personalities, and the way that they were both dealing with all this adjustment that happened to them, and very much not making either one wrong, right? But that's what we learn. Our culture is to me so toxic that way, it's all about, you know, like keep the stiff upper lip, and you know, um, you know, feelings aren't really welcome.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

Well, and I think that's part of our culture in being so productive that our value in, I would say the United States culture in general is about production. Oh my god, yes. Versus the other it's not good or bad, but it there could be a little happy medium of yes, I'm productive and I also have value in rest, and I have value in play, and I have value in creativity. But I think I know for myself, I've this has been one of my the things that I continually work on is when I'm not being productive, what is that? Right, right, right and and and I notice my body when I'm not being productive, and it it tends to go into this oh my god, what are we doing?

SPEAKER_02 9:54

Totally, Christy.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

And yeah, I laugh because it still happens. Oh god, yeah, just happened to me, yeah, right, and I practice I practice allowing that to be there, and if it's just sitting my butt down because I need to stop putting anything in my brain, I still notice the activation, and it's a practice for me to let my little body know, yep, we're being productive in a different way, yeah. Like rest and helping to regulate the nervous system again.

SPEAKER_02 10:29

Yeah, yeah, for sure. That's funny, Chrissy, because so the two dogs, the one got adopted, well, did an overnight last Monday, so a week ago today, and then they adopted him on Tuesday. So Tuesday afternoon I went over there, and then Friday, I knew the other dog was getting adopted. I was just waiting for her to get prepared for him, get the yard ready. And I took him over, and then Saturday morning, um, I had acupuncture, and I took the dogs with me, my dogs, and then I said, I called my husband, I said, Hey, I think I might go into town after acupuncture and just get the errands done. Chrissy, what he said was freaking brilliant. He goes, Marty, do you think you're bored? Because those dogs are gone now. Oh whoa, whoa. And I was like, I think you're right. Because he's like, You're going into town tomorrow anyway. We live, you know, 25 minutes from you know, Albuquerque. And he, you know, and I can talk myself out of going into town all the time. But I was like so ready to go in, and then I was like, Oh yeah. He's like, You're going in tomorrow anyway. Why don't you just do it then? And I was like, Oh wow. So I went to acupuncture, had this very deep session. She did tuning forks too, and then I was like, I'm going home.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

It was an unconscious movement.

SPEAKER_02 12:02

Totally. Yeah, totally. You think you're bored? Because I have, you know, Chrissy, we we're cut from the same cloth that way. It's like busy, busy, I'll do it. I'll get out. You know, want something done, give it to a busy person. I'll take care of it, I'll handle it.

SPEAKER_00 12:14

And that came from, but yes.

SPEAKER_02 12:17

Yes, especially when it's like, I've got a great work ethic. Does that mean I'm a workaholic?

SPEAKER_01 12:24

Oh, come on. And and that's that's saying busy is the new fine.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

Yeah, I think of that every time, and I catch myself when people ask me how you do, I'm like, I'm busy. I'm like, no, I'm doing really well. Like it's so conscious awareness now, because I don't like saying I'm fine, yeah, right. Because it's usually not true, right?

SPEAKER_02 12:49

Would they say fine is followed up, insecure, neurotic, and emotionally unstable, the acronym.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Yes. Usually I hear the F-word not fine, yeah. With that, because it's it's a trained, I think it's trained in our culture to not be too emotional. And I think especially as a woman, and men, oh yeah, they have their emotions, but it's different with women. In I think men can struggle with women being over-emotional, whatever that means. Right. That has its own question with it. But um sometimes I think it's really healthy to be over-emotional.

SPEAKER_02 13:30

Oh god, I'm I'm all for it now. You know what I mean? I I'm like, throw yourself an epic pity party, go ahead and get enraged. But for me, in my world, just make sure you tap while you're doing it because you know, and tapping emotions can spike, and that's a very good sign that you've targeted something. So it's and I I can't remember the guy's name, but years ago he said the big the goal should be to feel fully, and I love that. And I also heard this from like it's the I think it's the therapist you introduced me to, Joe Hudson.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

I think that was oh yeah, love me.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

And I was like, Whoop. He said, You know how men can dispel emotion, big emotions in sports, watching their sports, their sports team on TV. I was like, Oh my god, I've so witnessed that like these, yeah, what what you know, like that rap, like all this big emotion is coming out. It's not that women can't do that too, but it's typically the place where, and I was like, wow, that's an acceptable way in our culture to dispel a lot of big emotions.

SPEAKER_00 14:43

Oh my god, that's so right, because that's both on the spectrum of awesome, they won and let's kill them, we lost. Exactly. Like so much rage can come in, and it makes me think of when we were raising our boys, we did baseball was our life. And through the years, how they continued to have to make rules about parents raging, and they would be kicked out if they raged at the referee or raged at the players, because that was happening all the time.

SPEAKER_01 15:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Oh yeah. I just had never thought of that because sports, I guess in some way, we're like, well, it's not about us, it's about the game.

SPEAKER_02 15:27

Yeah, no, it's I was like, like I said, that was like oh, that's brilliant.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

I it's so true because we see that. And yeah, you know, the Olympics just finished, and I know for me watching some of them, I'm like, Yes, right, and get super jazzed, and then someone loses, which I feel really sad. Just kind of it's a good example of of expression.

SPEAKER_02 15:51

Yeah, and it's acceptable in our culture. Nobody's gonna be like, you're getting so like, you know, they just like ah, you know, it's it's a game, it's emotional, but it is such the dispelling of emotion. And I I you know, and I love the idea, Christy, which you and I both work towards is like allowing yourself to feel fully very consciously, yeah. You know, and you had talked earlier about like, you know, we talk about our story, yeah. And we it's this fine line that we talk about, like getting lost in the story, which doesn't allow us to get to the deeper meaning, and then also allow like where's that fine line of that's your story, that's true. We want to honor it, we want to honor everything that went around it, but we also don't want to get so saturated in that that we can't move beyond it. Like, as you said, sometimes you say, as best you can suspend your story. I'll do that. I did that with a client today. You know, there's always this thing with parents, like, oh, my parents in one way are doing so much for me, and then in another way it's not happening, and this is this is so universal. And then I always say, okay, as best you can, put that guilt as best you can on the shelf right now. You can pick it up as soon as we're done. Let's give the part of you that needs to do the blame game a voice, because I think that's very important, not stay stuck in the blame, not walk around, you know. But when what I found, and that's in a safe and healthy way, allowing yourself to feel that fully, to feel the blame, to feel the self-pity, to feel sad. You know, don't feel sorry for yourself. I'll give you something to cry about. No, like go ahead and give yourself something to cry about, like find a really sad movie that's gonna help get you in touch and process those emotions. Yeah, do it in a safe and healthy way. You know, in my world, it's tapping, and it just allows you to have that expression and make like make it okay, you know. Make that okay, and even honoring that tender part of us, like it's okay, you're not doing anything wrong, sweetie. Like, that's the way I talk to my inner child. You're okay, you're not doing anything wrong, you're okay to be feeling this way. Of course, you feel this way, of course you do. You were trained to, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

And yes, and then move from that because I find it it's such a delicate balance of allowing the story. I think we can't change it till we're aware that we have a story. Yes, even if it is I have no story, nothing's wrong.

SPEAKER_02 18:39

You don't remember my story, right?

SPEAKER_00 18:41

Because we all have it, that's part of being human and the expression of it and understanding that where some of that might have come in, some of the activations in the looping versus why is the activation there, and trying to make it a mental exercise because I don't want to feel this way. Right. And that's what you're saying. And in my work, we're very different in that when I'm working with someone, we're talking about, okay, and it's still there, so let's talk to the part that's sad or the part that's angry, and where is it in your body? And I think that's a beautiful piece to share that when there's an activation, instead of asking, why am I angry again or why am I sad, where am I feeling the feeling in my body? Yes, yes, and put your hand on it, and we'll go through some a few after the tapping, but I really challenge you to notice the story, notice if it's spinning, because we could tell the story 50 times in a day, sometimes a hundred, and and just acknowledge my mind's spinning, and let's interrupt the pattern. So as we go through the tapping, that's part of it, and then even in the body, where do I feel it? And sometimes you can even ask, like, what color is it, what shape is it? So it pulls you out of the loop in the brain and back into the body and the allowing of what is there, yeah. And yeah, I'm encouraged to feel it.

SPEAKER_02 20:23

Yes, I love that, Christy. And I think it's also too to notice what kind of a processor are you? Like, I'm a verbal processor, I figure things out as I talk.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

So we're on a podcast talking, exactly right.

SPEAKER_02 20:39

Like I brain and I tell people they're like, I'm I'm I'm talking too much. I'm like, no, you're brain dumping. Yeah, you're a verbal processor. And there's other people who are more internal in their processing, they need to time themselves. They don't want to talk about it, they want to like let it be in their head, maybe ruminate about it and like thinking through it. And it's noticing everyone has a different way of processing. Like I have friends and family members who are internal processors, they're not gonna sit there and you know, and whereas I'm like, I'm gonna pop if I don't talk about it. You know, that's me, but that doesn't mean that's the way everyone should do it, and to learn to honor that we each have our own way to process.

SPEAKER_00 21:26

Yeah, and it can be very quiet. And I think when you're in partnership with someone, that can be really challenging because we assume the other people process like we do, or that they should process like we do, and then that creates its own kind of shitstorm. Oh, yeah, and even with our kids, you know, if you have children, how they process. I know me as a mother, how many times my boys would be like, mom, and I would say, Well, how are you? Feeling about it, and especially my one son is a very interesting, I'm feeling like I need you to stop talking. I don't want to talk about it because my anxiety of no, this is what we do, we talk about it, and I've learned to respect that because eventually he does, but it would create anxiety in my nervous system. Like, no, we have to talk, which isn't true. But I laugh today and I appreciate his honesty because he's very honest. You need to stop talking about it.

SPEAKER_02 22:35

Yeah, Chrissy, you and I are so much alike that way because I'm like, I gotta talk about it to process through it. And then, like, my daughter's more internal, and then it's like all of a sudden she opens up, it's like, who put a quarter in you? She's yakk away, yeah, you know, and and and then my my stepdaughter's more like she's a pro she she talks and she processes as well. She can be kind of a hybrid, and then there's times she's internal about it. Whereas Liam, my husband, he's typically goes internal first, yeah, and then it's then he can talk. And like you, I it was my anxiety, it's so great, Chrissy. That awareness you have like my anxiety would be spun out, spinning out, and then I'm like, I've had to learn over the years to like manage that kid that gets activated. Like, we gotta talk about it, we gotta work it out, we're not gonna be okay, and like practice letting that little kid know you're okay, you're okay. I'm here for you, like reparenting that part, yeah, and allowing your children and your partner their re their way of doing it, yeah, is their business.

SPEAKER_00 23:43

Yeah, and it's it's not our business how they do that, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:47

And that's why I'm I'm very big on even with when you say you're working with a practitioner or anything, I just don't think there's one right way for everybody, and what works for one may not work for the other, and to be to really practice honoring that you might have a very different way than someone else, and that's okay. Yeah, if anybody's telling you you've got to process this way, maybe be like, thanks for sharing. See you later.

SPEAKER_00 24:17

Yeah, find a different person. Yeah, because it's it's so interesting through the years of different people that I know my system feels safe with to process. I'm very particular, and I'm glad I know that now because I can be with someone, and my I'm consciously aware of it now, but my nervous system was aware before everyone walked in the room.

SPEAKER_02 24:41

Oh god, right?

SPEAKER_00 24:42

Of this person isn't the person to be vulnerable with or to process with because that's not who they are. Right. Yeah. And that's okay. But to I would say it's really important too to find someone or a modality that you resonate with, like for you, tapping for me, bod, um, that you can call someone and have a regular, let's dump some of that out.

SPEAKER_02 25:11

Right.

SPEAKER_00 25:12

And then you lose your life because it's still gonna happen, you're still gonna get triggered. You're gonna, but who are who's a resource that when you get, and this is what you and I were talking about before the call. At what point do you say, okay, and sometimes it's crawling to your phone, I'm gonna call or text someone and say, I'm not okay, can we talk? Yeah, because the story, especially if you isolate, is so dangerous on so many levels to isolate and tell the same story of nobody cares. I'm I'm such a mess, I'm broken, I can't believe I'm here again. I can't encourage you enough to know if that starts going through your mind. Even if you set up something with a friend, if I send you a text, I'm in my story. Could you send me a text back saying, I've got you? That's it. Just to know you're drowning by yourself in an ocean of story and the same one happening again.

SPEAKER_02 26:17

Right. That's a pattern interrupt right there, just to be like, hey, you know, you're you're taking a break, a breath away from that. And um it's huge. It's just huge. And you know, it's I do love that idea of dosing, especially for verbal processors. I mean, you and I have called each other, hey, do you have a minute? And then we're like, you know what I mean? And it's so freaking helpful for verbal processors.

SPEAKER_01 26:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:47

I can feel like the air coming out of the balloon as I process through, but that's also not for everybody. And like you have talked about too, Chrissy. There's people you can verbal process with, and there's people you can't, and that's okay too. It's like you're yeah, no, you're probably not the one I'm gonna verbal process with, right?

SPEAKER_00 27:07

And you know that pretty quick clearly, very clearly.

SPEAKER_02 27:10

I would say some people aren't aware of that, absolutely, and then they try to process and they get shut down, yeah, or the person leaves the room, yeah, and so to pay attention to, and that really takes it out of because I would say that's a pattern from childhood, absolutely, your parents' attention, yeah, and that's a fine line too, Christy, because I do see, because I've worked with clients where they go to someone that they think should be able to be there for them and they're sharing their experience, and the person's like, Oh, that didn't happen. No way. That is a very different thing when someone has to kind of reject things. That to me is the sign of someone that has not processed their own emotions. If somebody, you know, like can't can't hear it or denies it of you and it's like, no, we're not gonna talk that way, we're not gonna do that. It's to pay attention to that too, because then you're dealing with someone, you know, that's just they're just not in the space because they haven't done their own work. And if they're super uncomfortable with you, with your emotion, that can be a sign like, oh, they haven't, they haven't really worked through their own. They're like, Don't are, I don't want to feel, so don't make me do that. And that's that very fine line, like about getting caught in the story and being able to find ways to interrupt that and start to process the story in a in a healthy way.

SPEAKER_00 28:49

Yeah, because you'll attract we you will attract the same patterns based on our story. Everyone always leaves me when I give upset or oh, right. Yeah, whatever that belief is, as we interrupt it, we can literally change the story that this person listened to me.

SPEAKER_02 29:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:10

So not everyone shuts me down, right? And it really starts to expand our consciousness around choice and power of self.

SPEAKER_02 29:20

Yeah, which is huge.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

We do have a choice, and it's really hard to make it when we're activated.

SPEAKER_02 29:26

Oh, yeah, right. It's like feels close to impossible, but that's the practice. Absolutely. And that's as I've said many times, that's at times part of the problem that I've had with some of the stuff that I see come out of the personal development world that it's you know, like tap three times and everything's fine. It's like that's not it.

SPEAKER_00 29:47

Yeah. I wish it were that easy, right? Right. I wish it were that easy, and or uh like uh, because there's also like I would call it spiritual gaslighting. Because it's changing, like we left one paradigm and we stepped into a different one that's the same. We all have different clothes on.

SPEAKER_02 30:12

Yeah, and that can be an even harder place because you're like, wait, this is a spiritual thing, right? And and to understand, no, there's people that have all kinds of issues in the spiritual world. There's therapists that are therapists, but they haven't done their own work. There's practitioners who are not acting like they're they it's just it goes back to that if it feels really wiggy and wonky to you, it's probably good to trust that.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

Yeah, yeah, and find someone that you feel safe with.

SPEAKER_02 30:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:48

Period.

SPEAKER_02 30:49

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 30:50

Yeah. And so as we go through some of the tapping today, Marty, um, I would love some around trusting self and noticing the patterns and choice. And then I will come back in after and do some little body. So take it away, Marty.

SPEAKER_02 31:10

All right. Uh take take full responsibility for yourself. If you get emotional, just keep tapping and allow it to, you know, because the tapping will work, but just tap until you feel the nervous system settle. So karate trapping, even though I don't think I learned how to trust myself. In fact, I'm pretty sure I learned how to doubt myself. And doubt my own authority for myself. I choose to acknowledge I feel this way now. Even though I get feelings sometimes. Something's not right here. And then I don't trust it. And then it turns out I was right. And I'm mad at myself. I choose to acknowledge this part of me now. Even though I'm on a journey of learning how to trust myself. And it is a journey. I choose to honor my feelings now. Go to the eyebrow. What if I can make space to have whatever I'm feeling be okay? And know that that's a practice. Something feels off for me here. That I was taught to doubt myself. So if it turns out my intuition was correct, and I catch myself starting to get mad at myself. What if when I catch that? I can take a breath. Just pause. Of course I doubt myself. I was trained to not trust my inner knower. And what if I can start by making that okay? Oh, there I go, not trusting myself again. That's okay. And to remind myself. And when I catch myself judging myself, that's the time to begin to practice self-acceptance. Even just a little bit. Because by accepting all parts of me, all feelings are okay here. That makes all the difference. Because it helps my emotions move through me in a more steady way. With the practice of making them okay. Doesn't mean it's comfortable. Doesn't mean it feels good. In fact, sometimes it can even feel wrong. But that doesn't mean it is wrong. As I'm learning to unhook from a culture that's not very comfortable with emotion. What if I can remind myself again and again when I catch myself in the judgment? No wonder I judge myself. That's what I was trained to do. And over time that will start to shift for me. I'll start to feel less and less judgmental. And then I notice acceptance coming in. All my feelings are welcome here. And that takes practice. And that's the journey. I want to step on right now.

unknown 36:57

And then take a breath.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

Thank you. And as you finish tapping, I would invite you to remember to give yourself space for 90 seconds. It's quite a bit of research that shows the 90-second rule. If you give it 90 seconds to access the feeling, the feeling will move. So how I would like you to practice doing that. And sometimes it helps to go to the bathroom and do it in the bathroom, especially if you're with people that's disorienting, or go outside for a minute, or go to your car for a minute. Be by myself if you're able to. If not, sometimes it helps to just feel the floor beneath your feet. Literally to feel the floor that I'm supported. Here's the floor. Here's Mother Earth that I'm held. Push your feet, like feel the weight of your feet into the floor if you can't change your environment. Say you can, and you go somewhere like in the bathroom or in the bedroom. I want you to put your hand on and check in where do I feel like we'll say anger. I feel it in my gut. So you could put one hand on your gut and one in your belly, and you're going to inhale to that area. So you're going to bring space and breath to your belly. And then when you exhale, you're going to exhale like you're fogging up a mirror. So you'll go, or like when you people blow on their glasses, there's a big breath that you gather from your belly, not the lower part of your chest. And then you're going to whisper if we're using anger, this emotion of anger is allowed to be here with me. And then you're going to wait. And sometimes that might be the longest 90 seconds of your life. However, and give it some space and give it the acknowledgement of that. And to sit with it and stay with it for that moment of time. Take another breath. And then I would say, acknowledge, body, thank you, self, thank you for creating this space to feel this emotion. And like you said, and I say this to my clients all the time: all parts are welcome here. All parts of who I am that created the anger, that created the whatever the trigger was, all of these parts are welcome without judgment. And then you can come back out and finish whatever it is you're doing, but you're coming from a place that isn't a reactive place or a shutting down place. And then have the conversation or then leave or whatever that is. But when you bring choice and regulation in simplicity into something extremely complex, like our nervous systems, it's very, very helpful that we do have a choice in that, but it does take practice. It is like making your legs strong to walk up a mountain, making your arms strong to lift weights. There's no quick way, it's just the way. And it's a beautiful, sacred way to expand our consciousness, to expand our soul development, and really help our nervous system and shift that.

SPEAKER_02 40:23

I love that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:26

Thank you everyone for listening. And please share this podcast with anyone that you feel would benefit from it. Uh, we're on all the platforms. You can listen and tap while Marty does her tapping, so you don't have to watch if you're not able to. But please share and like the podcast so we can grow our intention with this is an offering, as we've talked about before, for things that we've learned to share with others. Really, it's that simple.

SPEAKER_02 40:56

Yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 40:58

So thank you everyone for being here. Marty, good to see you again. Thanks, everyone. Thanks, Christy. Great to see you next time.