Trading Goal for Guidance

Today, we're diving into something that might sound a little rebellious in a world that's obsessed with vision boards, five-year plans, and crushing your goals.

What if constantly setting goals isn't actually the path to the life we're meant to live? What if goals might be getting in the way of your life?

I love this quote:

"When the Ego Plans…the Soul Laughs"

What if some of the pressure, burnout, and striving so many of us feel is coming from trying to force life to follow the agenda of the ego… instead of allowing something deeper to guide us? What if we can stop chasing goals and start following guidance? WHAT????!!!!!!

In this episode, we're exploring a different way of moving through life — one where you loosen your grip on rigid plans and start listening for the quieter guidance of spirit, intuition, or whatever you want to call that deeper intelligence moving through all of us.

Instead of asking, "What do I need to achieve next?" we ask, "What feels alive? What feels aligned? What is trying to emerge through me?"

This isn't about becoming passive or doing nothing. It's about learning the difference between pushing life… and being led by it.

So today we're talking about the case against goals, the difference between ego ambition and soul direction, and what can open up when we stop trying to control the path and start trusting the unfolding.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome everyone to the No One is Perfect podcast. Excited to see you here today, Chrissy. We I always enjoy our conversations even before we hit record. I do too. So I'm going to read this intro because I love it the way it is. We're going to talk about this idea of trading goals for guidance. So today we're diving into something that might sound a little rebellious in a world that's obsessed with vision boards, five-year plans, and crushing your goals? What if constantly setting goals isn't actually the life that we're meant to live? What if goals might be getting in the way of your life? And I love this quote: When the ego plans, the soul laughs. What if some of the pressure, burnout, striving so many of us feel coming from trying to force life to follow the agenda of the ego instead of allowing something deeper to guide us? What if we can stop chasing goals and start following guidance? What? In this episode, we're exploring a different way of moving through life, one where you loosen your grip on rigid plans and start listening for the quieter guidance of spirit, intuition, or whatever you want to call that deeper intelligence moving through all of us. Instead of asking, what do I need to achieve next? We ask, what feels alive? What feels aligned? What is trying to emerge through me? I think of that prayer, use me. This isn't about becoming passive or doing nothing. It's about learning the difference between pushing life and being led by it. So today we're talking about the case against goals, the difference between ego ambition and soul direction, and can open and what can open up when we stop trying to control the path. Oh my God, and start trying to unfold.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

Yeah, I hear this, Marty, and it's such a it's so challenging.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:22

Like intellectually, I think we can understand it.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

But when it comes to our nervous system, it's very different. Oh, I think it's very different because our our patterns of control come up because that has to do with safety in our nervous system. Totally. Yeah. And so I know, and I can say this in the past, I can tell I've grown and I've healed a little more, thank the gods. Because I'm like, oh, yeah, I used to do that way more than I do today. Like, even the word surrender, I used to be like, no, I am not surrendering and you know, fight to the death to surrender to. And I think it was more my understanding of if I surrendered um the life that I was told I should have, do and be, not on your life. There again, would I have that? And that's where my rebel in my never surrender, you know, working three jobs and going to school. And there was no part of me that even understood what that meant.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

And I'm laughing in myself because when I had children, you realize how little control you have. Oh my God, right?

SPEAKER_01 3:40

Nothing gets you that faster.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

It's like yeah, and and it's such a you know, and working and a teaching process of my own self of even being curious about surrender. Yeah. What does that mean? And how does that feel in my nervous system? Yeah. It's not a mental exercise, and it is right, right.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

Yeah, it's it's so funny. And Chrissy, I know we've talked about this before because you know, like my husband's big into the metrics and goals, and it's worked for him in that way. And it's interesting that this stage in his life, he's kind of learning, like, man, I've had all these goals, and there's stuff that's just not working out. And I I love this saying that I've heard so many times whatever the ego creates, the ego can destroy. And I think there's so much truth in that. And that, I mean, it's funny because all my life, this whole idea set in goals, was always kind of like icky to me. But I always made myself wrong for feeling that way about it. It was like, art, like, what do you mean? Goals feels icky, like that's how you're supposed to get through life. And I, you know, I feel like I've woken up from the nightmare of that and have started to see life so differently. And again, it's not a passive thing. It's, you know, and I know surrender, that word can be the white flag of surrender, and it can feel seem like weakness. This isn't passive, this isn't weakness. This is, you know, that idea of allowing something to move through us. And I know we've talked about this before. We're like, I love that prayer. Use me, like, use me for the highest good. And it just made me think of this quote. I'm gonna read the duty of the outer self is to turn to the beloved mighty to I am present and ask for orders. Whatever you want to call it, it can be I'm gonna ask Fred Flintstone. What does he think? You know, it's that use me, use me for the highest good. And that's such a different uh thing. And like you said, it's challenging, especially in this very ego-based make it happen, do it culture. It can feel so wrong to like think of like I gotta detach, and you know, uh, this isn't feeling right to me, so maybe I need to go to the left a little, but there's to me, there's there's such that piece of like, of course it's gonna feel wrong, because our cultural programming is the exact opposite.

SPEAKER_00 6:33

Yeah, it's about value and worthiness, right?

SPEAKER_01 6:37

Pro productivity and yes, that's saying you want something done, give it to a busy person.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

Yeah, and what is that? Um idle hands make idle minds. Oh God, yeah, whatever that I right, right. There's so many little things that is embedded in our DNA, yeah. Of yeah, of you stay busy and you stay productive because that's what God wants. Um, service, service, service. There's no, it's very rare that you hear the opposite. And when people try to do the opposite, which is sitting with self, whether that be through walking, riding your bike, meditation, prayer, doesn't matter what it is is sitting in your own body and your nervous system to do a check-in of what's happening here.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Yeah, what am I feeling here? Imagine that, how radical.

SPEAKER_00 7:37

It is because the nervous system tends to do the driving.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

And the invitation, and that's part, I mean, that's a big reason why you and I are doing this podcast, Marty. Yes, is an invitation of curiosity of what would it feel like to surrender to reading, looking at your phone, being distracted even for five minutes a day, and set a timer on your phone because that is such a thing that so many people are uncomfortable with because of the nervous system. And the only way we can shift a pattern is to be aware that we have a pattern.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

Oh, it's so awareness, is it's such a cliche, but awareness is the first step. Yes, it truly is the first step. It's like, well, oh, yeah. Yeah. And it's interesting too because you know, we've talked about this before. Like our culture just loves the big players, you know, it loves the superstars, it loves all of that, and that's thrown at us constantly. Um, you know, and it's you think about being quiet. I mean, I always go back to the idea of Jesus going off so often and making space. And I I kind of doubt Jesus had goals. I doubt it too. Yeah, it it's like I go back to those like different spiritual traditions, and yeah, it's like it's to me, goals is a product of the ego, and there's nothing wrong with being like, hey, I want to accomplish this, I want to get this done. And the idea to me is that go back to surrender, like if this is meant to happen for me, like show me the way, and if it's not, give me peace. That was my prayer on that New Year's Eve in 2010, right before I found tapping. If I'm please, if I'm meant to change my life, send me something that can truly change my life. And if not, if not, give me peace. Yeah. Colossally mediocre life that I feel like I'm living, and then amazingly, tapping showed up, and that was such a dark time in my life, and I was just finally like genuinely without even thinking about it, just surrendering.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

I think Marty, we all have that or have had that experience, and sometimes and all the great spiritual teachers pick your teacher, doesn't it? Yeah, of contemplation, meditation, prayer, connection back to Mother Earth. And as we do that, that's really where guidance can come in. It's the invitation in the surrender to be guided, just like what you said, right? Which requires you to stop something, which is usually distractions or addictions. Because there's my question is, and I say this for myself, but everyone there, outside listening, what's underneath the panic of sitting with what is present?

unknown 10:54

Right.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

How many practice sitting with even for a few minutes a day to get to know ourselves outside of the masculine, which is the thinking energy and the doer to the feminine and the receiving of guidance, the receiving from your soul or from your guides or angels or God. Yeah. We have to be quiet enough to listen. Yes, we're not going to hear when we're pushing our agenda out of fear or out of the ego. And that's not simple. No, it is it is a practice, and I believe it's partly why we're, I mean, that's why we're here is to navigate this human experience with more balance.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

Oh, especially today. Yeah, oh my god, right. Like, yeah, yeah. And I always love that line. I think and I know Wayne Dyer said it years ago. In my world, uh he heard it from some yogi uh that he followed. In my world, everything is okay, all is well, and I thought, yeah, that's so um, even in the midst of all the chaos and everything that's going on, it's like we've talked about in the past, like, I don't do I want to contribute to the hysteria or do I want to um, you know, find a different way? And yeah, and and again, it I know it just I think the one of the biggest keys is no, it can feel so uncomfortable to be like, I mean, I'm not telling people like if goals feel like they work for you and you feel like you're in the flow and that that's cool. Like, this isn't cookie cutter, but to invite the idea of like, what if I should just take a little space and see what comes? Because it's so easy to have goals, they all appear to be working and getting us where we want, but how are we feeling in that journey? I mean, if we're uplifted and light and the guidance keeps coming, that's great. That's really probably way more about being in the flow. Yeah, but if you're like, I'm just exhausted and I've just got another goal and you know, like that. And um yeah, you know, we we we both can privately laugh about what's your metrics.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

What's your metrics? What are your ROIs on that? Yeah, like we're laughing the before the podcast because we've both been asked that about this podcast. Totally, yeah. What are your goals? What are you trying to make? Who are you trying to reach? And I'm like, and when we started it, our intention, I remember Marty's like, okay, we are not doing that. Right. Yeah, this is a passion project, and we're just gonna see where it goes.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

And you know, and I don't know, I don't think you can ever go wrong doing that. That's why you're not I'm not hung into like, huh, like what's going on, and you know, yeah, as the right, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:57

And I believe part of that has really come from our own experience of being in this, because this does go through stages, stage of control and trying to do that. And then exhaustion, which is why we're doing the podcast too. Can we just flow and enjoy and share? Which is more of that feminine aspect of us letting go of control of any outcome. And I'm not attached, I truly can say that.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

Yeah, me either, which is so wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

That's a lot of growth for both of us because oh god, right? The doing is extraordinaire, yeah. A type A. And I was thinking too, Marty's, we were talking in that I think being present in the in the moment is is the work because in this moment in general, am I okay?

SPEAKER_01 14:50

Right.

SPEAKER_00 14:52

And staying in that moment for a few minutes every day.

SPEAKER_01 14:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

Is the practice versus anticipating what's coming next, right? Anxiety or being frozen in the past, depression. The energetics of how that moves within our nervous system is very real. So if you tend to have anxiety to come into the present moment in the surrender of the mind, and how I teach clients and how I do it myself is I surrender everything I think I know, everything I think I am. Right. As I receive, and it it's a and I've learned it from various people, it doesn't come from me, but through the breath, I surrender on my outbreath, my mind, and how I think it should be as I receive on the in-breath, because we're receiving from the earth, we're breathing in air. That's a very literal concept.

SPEAKER_01 15:54

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's so, and it brings to mind too, Chris, that idea of being out of balance with giving and receiving. And one of my, I was I did a cup, like a month worth of reading out of that 365 days to embracing forbidden emotions, that daily book that I wrote with my daughter. And I so these were videos that I made in my Tapping Really Works Facebook group. And one of them popped up in my memories. And it was all about tapping on being out of balance with giving and receiving. And like to your point, in many churches, it's service, service, service, service, but it's like being out of balance, and it was interesting. I needed to hear it. I'm watching this and listening and tapping along. I'm like, I needed to hear this, and it just popped up. And I had two women in particular that I thought of, and I was like, I'm gonna send it to them. I just have the feeling I should send it to them. And both of them sent back to me in in different ways saying, I cannot believe this. This is exactly what I needed to hear, and that's a great reminder to me that I'm like, oh, I am being used for the highest good. Yes, that impulse came because I'm being used to maybe help someone else. Like, I should send this to them, and that's been such a like profound thing to me to go, oh, I can be used. Spirit can use anything, anyone. I can be used to help others. I should add a V8.

SPEAKER_00 17:34

Yes, and I I think listening to that intuitive guidance, yeah, from spirit, from however that is for you, that really is a surrender because we don't know it intellectually, but we know it in our system, our nervous system, our bodies. There's a know-ween. Right. And that's what, and even if asking you, Marty, how'd you know that? I don't know, I just knew it. Yeah, that's from your mind. Right.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

Yeah, that's the total difference about the things like the ego knows and clings to. Yeah, I don't know, I just knew that's more that divine guidance, the spirit led.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

Yeah. And wouldn't you say too, Marty, when we're led and when we're guided, there's a peace that comes in our bodies and in our nervous system.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

Oh, a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

Because it it goes hand in hand, yeah. Even and sometimes the unknown, and I think as we're human, the unknown is scary. Can be, yeah, and the unknown is tomorrow. Right. To practice staying in in the moment today. That is the practice that we're talking about, and not waiting for a crisis of health crisis to stop you from the exhaustion from burnout, to the point that you physically can't get out of bed, or you develop an autoimmune disease, or all these different things that our bodies, Dr. Gabor Mate, the body says no, right? There's lots of research on this that we can only do so much of pushing and giving and staying in the mental aspect of what that is for safety, and then the body's like, uh no, or you get the flu and you're in bed for 10 days, right? Yeah, and then afterwards, whoa, I really needed that rest. I had no idea how tired I was.

SPEAKER_01 19:33

I finally let myself rest because I had to get sick to do it.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

Yeah, and and couldn't we? I'm encouraging, couldn't we not let it get to that point every time? Right, yeah. And how do we do that? We're listening to our intelligence, which is our body, yeah, and our body is connected to intelligence, yes, source, right? It's one and the same, we're a piece of that. And as we learn to listen and have our body be our guide, if you might want to slow down, yeah, you might want to take a breath, and even in the uncomfortableness of it, that is the awareness of the pattern and letting your nervous system know that I am okay in this breath. And that is surrender. That is surrender, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

I yeah, I've seen that myself when I get in that, you know, like just one more thing, and then I'll stop. Just one more thing, and then just one more thing, and then it's like Marty, just breathe. Like I'll I could tap and do the pressing, tapping to calm, you know, the settling the body, and then do that, you know, in for four, out for six, which is known to calm the nervous system. And and then it's like, oh, it it takes me two and a half minutes, and then it's like, oh, I'm interrupting that pattern of the revving the engine, and to know it's a journey, like anything. We say this all the time it's a journey, yeah. Life is forever a journey. I I do have this popped in my head, I have to tell you it's funny. So my daughter and I every Sunday go and meet at this coffee shop. I pick her up, we just talk about stuff, and I was telling her about this person in my life that I was talking to. And this is Chrissy. This I I almost I didn't get an adult diaper. I was laughing so hard. So I was telling her, I said, Yeah, it's wild. This person really seems to revere me. I'm not kidding, Chrissy. My daughter's like weird, what? Like what? And then she goes, Oh god, mom, I'm sorry. I laughed. I go, no, that's exactly how I feel. Yeah, because I, you know, tell people all the time, it's like I'm a flawed, fallible person, I'm a work in progress. Like I said, there's days you'll be like, She taps with people. Yeah, me too. And I think, yeah, that's just part like I was laughing about that because it's just like that's like we're that whole. thing where you know a spiritual being in a in a human body and learning to navigate that and you know and I think just as a like for someone to test this out it's not like oh go abandon all your goals that's not what I'm saying at all or you are saying it's it's more like why don't you just check it out and maybe get quiet for two minutes two minutes and see what happens and that's gonna like you could feel like you're gonna crawl out of your skin or this is a waste of time and the mind starts you know like meditation practices when you first start meditating they're like it's a rushing waterfall man there's just so much coming out but I I really find that I'm very much more soothed when I remind myself to like practice surrendering.

SPEAKER_00 22:54

Yeah I have to figure this all out by myself right now I can allow and that whole use me use me for the highest use me I I don't have to figure this out just show me the next step and I'll take it and I think in that surrender Marty of use me because I I said that this morning out on the way out of my out of the gym that's such a funny thing that that was what was in my brain because my agenda and my what I would love to have happen doesn't usually happen. Oh God, right? And it's not that I failed it because I'm very goal oriented. And I I do love meeting those goals and what I've learned the older I get is it doesn't have to be so goddamn hard. Right right doesn't and that's the ego part that we're talking about too is point to exhaustion and collapse and realizing that you might have to trust something bigger than yourself that you are being led by spirit by soul and going back in all of the sacred texts and the teachings that they all say the same thing. Yeah and to listen to your body and that's you know a big part of why we're doing the podcast is what are the signals of my body when I get to the point where I need to stop yeah yeah sometimes people when they get to exhaustion they push harder and work more and clean and do all of these things oh yeah because they don't want to stop or they can't.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

So I have like a PhD in doing that.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

It's like yeah catching myself you know and it's like whoa and but that and that's the point Marty is you're starting to learn when you get to that sign that says Marty just take a breath you need to notice the trees yeah and I know for me that is speeding up and doing more which means I need to do less like I noticed my patterns of that's a coping mechanism totally in my nervous system. And when I notice that I need to do more I really am practicing no I'm practicing saying no to people saying no to cleaning my house for example like things that I get really anal retentive about and just letting it be for an hour or a day. It doesn't have to be anything big but if right where and I'm not practicing yeah everything will stay the same and it will not change and that's not confusing about why it doesn't change right in my in my own system.

SPEAKER_01 25:41

Yeah this is a very simple little thing that I notice and like we have a lot of fruit trees now that my husband's planted over our time here. So we have inside plants and outside plants and it's warm enough now that I was sitting out on the patio with him last night and it's like yeah the wall trees need to be watered but I don't feel like it. So I didn't and then all of a sudden this morning I had a space and I'm like oh I feel like doing it I even feel like getting the fountain going and I it it just felt like it was inspiration. It wasn't I have to get it done and then it was easy to just come in and take care of the inside plants instead of like it's like Sundays always my day to water the plants yeah it was like yesterday I was like meh nah beautiful yeah something that simple so and I think the paradox and I say this because it is a paradox it sounds so simple Marty the paradox is if your nervous system is at a 10 it's probably one of the hardest things you'll do oh god right so please know that that exists yeah it's actually called a sacred paradox and you're at a choice point yeah and the encouragement to take a breath we'll go through some exercises after we tap make one choice that's different when you get to that point where you we all I think know we get there and we push past yeah to practice stopping and then doing but stopping and doing a check in first yeah yeah yeah because everyone's different in what that looks like exactly and that's the thing to remember it's like you'll find trusting that you're gonna find your own way and your way can look completely different from someone else's.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

Yeah yeah great should we tap yeah okay even though I've spent most of my life putting goals out there make it happen get it done I have to have goals to survive and be successful what if I could see this differently even just a little bit now even though that's crazy making the idea to maybe not set goals to allow myself to be used for the highest good sure I choose to acknowledge I feel this way now even though I live in a culture that is so deeply ego based of course it can feel wrong to not set goals and what if that's the place to begin are you serious not set goals not try to attain them I don't have to throw the baby out with the bath water what if I could just consider even just one percent that there could be a better way I don't have to figure this all out right now but what if I could entertain the possibility that I truly could be used for the highest good what if guidance and direction can come through me as I start to loosen my grip a bit on the ego's agenda and just remind myself it can feel wrong but what if that doesn't have to mean it's wrong what if this is like pulling the IV out of my arm that's had me pushing myself forever and what if over time I start to relax a little bit I start to notice little synchronicities I get an intuitive thought and I act on it and something exciting happens to remind myself it's a practice and one step at a time I can start to loosen that grip and eventually see what comes and take a breath fabulous Marty and with that I invite us all to take a breath and feel your hips in the chair if you're sitting listening to this put your feet on the floor feel your body and take a breath and on your out breath in your mind's eye to say I surrender all that I think I know all that I think I am in this moment all I have to do in this moment and on your in breath I receive I receive guidance I receive peace from stopping the rat race and just for a few minutes just for this moment that you matter enough to slow down that I am worthy to slow down and know that your body is your guide and to pay attention to its messages and if it wants to speed up I would recommend slowing down even for a moment but really to begin to learn your patterns of when you get anxious or start pushing so much and slow it down and create that everyday noticing with that surrender and receiving and feeling your feet on the earth and the simplest part to that is noticing and feeling your toes on the earth sometimes our toes clench when we're holding on and gripping so tightly even when we have a smile on our face and everything looks a certain way the unconscious patterns of the body don't lie if there's nervous nervousness and angst it's going to show up in the body and a lot of times it'll show up in the feet and contraction of the toes andor to notice do my toes come up when I feel anxious or overwhelmed? What is my body doing and can I notice it in the moment that I become activated or overwhelmed and let them relax for one or two minutes and then go about the day but we are our vehicle and it's really important to slow it down put some gas in make sure all of the parts are working because this is the only vehicle we have and I think of all the bells and whistles on the new cars. And if you can think of your body like that and all the different things that it does for you when you learn to listen to it and direct it like through the tapping.

SPEAKER_01 34:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:40

When there's a surge of anger or fear to tap through it and settle back into the body.

SPEAKER_01 34:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:48

Is will help your nervous system really start to regulate faster.

SPEAKER_01 34:52

I love that Christy and then we can listen when we're not running so fast inside our heads oh god right that's so funny you said that because the other morning I woke up and I have this meditation app and it has a stream sound on it. And it was really early and I just put it on with some you know ear pods in and I just laid there in the dark listening to the stream and telling my body how much I loved it how much I appreciated every like every place it's taken me and what I noticed Christy I felt joy. So it's not like hey I went on like this like jet skiing vacation and climbing Mount Everest I was laying in bed in the dark listening to a stream telling my body how much I appreciated it and joy came it's quite profound.

SPEAKER_00 35:42

Yeah yeah and that's a muscle that you've worked well Marty yeah because I think that is what we crave is more joy and peace. Yeah and that's a broad term and I would ask for people that are listening what is joy for you what is peace for you and get to know the answers to that question and how how you could bring a piece of that to you once a day.

SPEAKER_01 36:12

I love it.

SPEAKER_00 36:13

Just make it that simple yeah it is that simple and I understand that it's that complex oh god right it's mental yeah it's both yeah and yeah we're certainly not perfect which is why we're doing the podcast it's kind of laughable in its own way yeah it is we're here on a journey and may we all continue to do with a little more grace.

SPEAKER_01 36:39

Yeah absolutely yeah yeah thanks Christy and thanks everyone for listening and share this podcast with your friends if you like it and we're just happy to be here doing our passion project without all the metrics.

SPEAKER_00 36:54

I so love it Marty metrics will come when they're meant to come. Exactly exactly thank you Marty thank you everyone