What Can a Trigger Teach Me?

In this episode of No One Is Perfect, Christy and Marti talk about triggers, not as something to shame ourselves for or "get over," but as an invitation to become more aware of our relationship with ourselves in the moment.

Sometimes a trigger is about what is happening now. And sometimes the present moment touches an older wound: abandonment, rejection, grief, fear, betrayal, or the feeling of being suddenly responsible for everything. The nervous system can respond as though the past is happening all over again.

Together, Christy and Marti explore the SubSoma loop, the "amygdala hijack," codependency, rescuing, self-abandonment, and the importance of letting ourselves feel without getting lost in the story.

This episode is not about becoming someone who never gets triggered. It is about noticing sooner, reducing the intensity and duration of the loop, and building resources that help us come back home to ourselves.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why a present-day trigger can awaken an old emotional reality
• How the body can respond with panic, rage, numbness, shutdown, grief, or urgency
• The difference between honoring your feelings and spiraling in them
• Why rescuing others can sometimes be connected to our own unmet needs
• How self-judgment keeps us stuck in the loop
• The questions to ask once you are regulated enough to reflect
• Tapping, breath, butterfly taps, movement, and being witnessed by a safe person
• Why healing is not about never being triggered, but about returning to yourself more quickly

Questions to take with you:

What is happening inside of me right now?

What am I feeling, or not feeling?

What story am I telling myself?

What does this remind me of?

Am I responding to this moment, or reliving an older one?

What do I need so I do not abandon myself right here?

You do not have to have it all together to be healing. You only have to be willing to notice, soften the judgment, and take one small step back toward yourself.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello everyone. Welcome back to Welcome Marty. Welcome back to No One is Perfect, where we talk about the real messy human parts of our life that everyone experiences because we're human. Today we are going to talk about triggers. And we're going to talk about our relationship to a trigger and the noticing of when a trigger happens. What happens can happen in the body is we go back in time. Because the the body doesn't understand time. So let me give you an example. I had a client come in the other day. She comes in and she said, Christy, my belly hurts so bad. It's so bloated. And I oh, and then she said, I feel like I'm five years old again. I said, Well, what happened? And she'd been in a fight with her best friend, and her best friend something said something that triggered her, and she went all the way back to feeling like she was five and being chastised by her friend. And then what started to happen is her body felt like it was in danger. And she started looping and telling her story about what happened twenty years ago and making it bigger and bigger, and so it became a massive snowball in the space of two hours. And what starts to happen then is we it's very difficult if you're not aware that you're in a trigger from the past, it's very difficult to stop the loop that happens in the brain. And so our conversation today is okay, how do we do that? And I would also say, why does that happen? There is a term called the subsoma loop, and that's our unconscious mind, which is our body. We start thinking about something and the body's reacting to our thoughts. So if we go over a story that happened 20 years ago, sometimes 50 years ago, the body doesn't know that that's not today. And all the cortisol, all the stress hormones start to come out, and then we're in a full-blown trigger of sometimes shutdown, sometimes rage, sometimes disassociation. So our conversation today is going to be really understanding how this loop happens and then bringing some resources to awareness and choice and regulation. Hi, Marty. This is a great call today.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

Hi, Christy. Yeah, very happy to be here. Uh no, it's and it's funny, we always chat before we start these, and it, you know, it's uh sometimes we have a topic picked out ahead of time, sometimes we chat, and there it is. And so we were having this conversation today, and it's so true. It's the relationship to the trigger. And because when we pay attention to what is our relationship to the trigger, then I believe we stop abandoning the self. But it's also not to make ourselves wrong for all the times that we do abandon the self, because when you're triggered, you're triggered in the tapping world, they call it the amygdala hijack. So the amygdala, you know, the little, you know, it's the little navigator, what's going on? Where's the danger? Where's the danger? Literally gets hijacked, and then you're just off. Like you said, you're time traveling. So we go back to that um that place where, you know, and like you said, then the body takes you. And I mean, I had this, we this is why we talked about I just had this happen over the last couple days, where it's like, whoa, I'm in a trigger. And to notice I gotta give myself my feelings and not try to spiritually bypass it and kind of keep going in, what's going on for me, which is not that easy to do when you're triggered, is to go back to what do I think? What do I feel? What's happening for me? Where do I feel this in my body? What does this remind me of? And then those are like to me very self-evaluative questions, like what's happening for me here, and where is this taking me to? And I think it's when we come from that, it's just so we stay more present with the self because I notice this too, Chrissy. I get more sad, grief, and despair. I realize that when I'm abandoning myself, not aware that I'm abandoning myself, but I'm like, I'm not giving that triggered child in me the attention she needs or the parenting that she needs.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

Yeah. And Marty, it's important, like those questions I think are almost impossible to ask when we're in a triggered state. Yes. Because our brain doesn't work, that is the hijack. And at the end of the podcast, we will go through some resources about that. But to I think the most important part today is to notice what a trigger feels like. And feeling also means, well, I don't feel anything. So let me be super clear. Because sometimes people will say, I don't know, I don't feel anything. That's also can be a trigger.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

Oh gosh, and it's so funny, Krista. So in the EFT world, when someone says, I don't know, it it can mean often strongly suggests it's something that happened before we had words, meaning when we were we didn't have the verbal capability to speak about what was happening to us. So it it can go way back, and things that we don't have uh like a cognitive memory of. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:57

Yeah. And so understanding when you get triggered, like today, and I'll have you walk us through the story because I think a a real story about something that's present is the best way to begin, Marty. And then we can pull some of the pieces together.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

Absolutely. And I just made a a really I had a little bit of a cognitive shift there. I thought, so just a little background, because I I go back when I was six months old, my parents were hit head on by a drunk driver, and I have no memory of that. My um both my parents were hospitalized, they both survived, but my mom was hospitalized for over a year. She went through the windshield, and um I've learned a lot about the trauma of pre-verbal trauma. And so I often go back to the abandonment piece, and all of a sudden I was like, oh, here it is. That person is here, that person is part of your life, that person's available. You're like co-creating in something, and then all of a sudden it's like, whoa, it just feels like it changes like that. So the shock, also in tapping, the shock is the thing that most people want to avoid. So that's my background, and I just made that, oh, that's what happened. Like all of a sudden, it's there's aspects of abandonment here, there's aspects of the shock to the system, and and getting shocked a couple times, like, oh, I've just calmed down and like whoa, it it comes again, which happened again this morning. Like, I was all peaceful, calm when I came back from my hike, read a like a text, and I'm like, whoo, back in it. And then what do I do in that moment? I will tell the story. I go directly and have this conversation with this person, and I'm I'm like, I'm not really sure what I'm understanding here, but I'm aware of that I I abandoned myself to a degree and then had to kind of pull myself back to myself. Um, so the story is I foster, as you know, I'm definitely I'm I've my last foster. I'm very, very clear about this. I will continue to help dogs find homes, but I have four dogs, three cats myself. So I have a foster that was adopted. And then the adopter basically told me, quite like like that, I'm done. I can't do this. And and I was like, whoa, wait, what? So the way it works is um in the world that I'm in is when you pull through a rescue, the dog goes back to the rescue. Well, uh, I I don't own the rescue, but I pull through the rescue, so the dog goes back to me. And I love the dog, love the dog, and I want to make ensure that she ends up in a good home, and that could take some time, but it's all of a sudden I was like, wait, what? This has been a few months of nurturing that's been going on and like co co-creating with this and like easing this into it, feeling like this is the best possible scenario. And then all of a sudden to have that change and to feel the response, even though I, you know, I could push it, but no, because ultimately the way it works is she comes back to me. And so it's that being responsible. And now this thing's dropped back in my lap, and my mind just spins. What am I gonna do? How am I gonna do this? Oh, I'm gonna get the great, oh, I gotta like all this stuff, and and um the you know, the life change and this and that, and so my mind spins, and then I noticed I was pissed. I mean, I went through the gamut emotions, and then the uh I ended up in grief, grief, and that's where I was like, that's and I I feel this, like feel chills about that's grief that I felt that the body felt as a six-month-old before I had words. Here it is, and now it's gone like that. So anything like that that happens for me that's just gone like that. There's there's a relationship that's intact, and then it's like I I so see, like, oh, I time travel back to that, and I don't have, like I said, any conscious memory of it, but I know that that like it's the knowingness, like, oh, that's what this is about. You know, what's the saying? And I don't really like this saying, new uh, new uh new level, new devil. I don't really like the devil. It's a deeper level of that profound thing. And I've you know, I've had other things, but um, and one other thing I want to say about this is the key to me is to always remind myself am I reducing the frequency of things like this happening? That is actually true. Am I reducing the intensity? I would say the intensity it feels oh when you're in it, right? But am I reducing the duration? Absolutely. So the frequency, yes, the duration, the intensity is intense, but the duration of it is less and less and less, and that's good.

SPEAKER_00 11:28

Well, I think that's the key is how long are you going to stay in it? Because at some point I do think there is a choice point of especially if it goes on for five to ten days to a year to two years, because that can happen. Oh yeah, this is three days. Yeah, and uh which I think is relevant because you were able to be in it, acknowledge it, and also you said you have a session tomorrow to also resource yourself. But the bigger piece is to notice that you were in it. Oh yeah. And because those are the moments that I think allowing yourself to be upset is important. Oh yeah, absolutely. And saying the thing is important and expressing it to someone and then Marty, what I heard you say is okay, now I'm going to take care of myself. Oh yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Because you underst you have a relationship with the trigger. Yeah. Yeah. That's that is that you know it's kind of like the infinity loop of the the dancing in and out of our nervous system and noticing when we go into those aspects that we feel like we can't control or we're out of control, and we can notice them, and then we can slow down.

unknown 12:50

Right.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

Which you've done a lot of tapping, slow down and do some breath. There's um like even a butterfly tap this way, which I've seen you do, and some breathing, helps to regulate the vagus nerve in the body. It helps to slow the mind down. It doesn't make the trigger go away. That's not the point. Yeah. It's to create a relationship with your own self. So when you get triggered, you have different ways to come back to self.

SPEAKER_01 13:21

Absolutely. And it definitely helps reduce the intensity so that eventually it's like, oh, like the dam broke. Now it's like, oh, it makes sense. And and then, like in the tapping world, then there's that cognitive shift. I'm like, oh, that's what this is about. And I I know, you know, I know enough about astrology to be dangerous, but I was listening to this astrology conch said we're now headed into Chiron, which is the wounded healer. So the wounded healer is very much about past coming into the present to be healed. And I'm like, welcome. And that's but I do what I that's what I love about this, Christy, is because we're in it, in the thick of it, and living it. Instead of this idea, like, I've got to totally have it all together, you know, we talk about this all the time. Like, no, not ever. I mean, some days I'm more secure than others, some days things bother me less. Some days things roll off me, other days I'm like, but I keep coming back to and continue to remind myself of this because it's something I teach all the time is the judgment of self. How much am I judging myself for this? And that's the place to begin, instead of like, well, of course I'm triggered. Of course it's okay to feel the way I do. Of course, I'm gonna run the gamut of emotions, and of course I'm just gonna give myself the space, not wallow in it and get lost in it to your point, but like fully process the emotions. And um, and that's why I was like, no, I gotta book myself a session too, because so you know, it's tomorrow, which is really helpful. And I love that I have that let's call it safety net in place to because I can get myself to a pretty good place, but it's like the other set of ears is so helpful. Um I mean, you know, uh the people I've always seen in the tapping world that have the most success is you tap on your own, and then when something really happens, you tap with a practitioner to help you move through it.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

So there's been quite a bit of uh various research by different people who study trauma. Uh Thomas Hubel being one of my most favorite people, in that he talks about healing happens in community and community is with another because it's being witnessed in what happened without having anyone fix it or tell you what to do or give their opinion. That's not helpful. No, but to to be witnessed in the emotion that moves up and out of the body so the body doesn't hold it and create containment. Yeah. And then the charge literally moves, and usually what happens it's tears, like you said, grief. And sometimes rage first.

SPEAKER_01 16:23

Yeah, oh yeah, it's always rage first with me.

SPEAKER_00 16:26

Yeah. And I was thinking when you were saying that in my doing a mentoring for my psychosomatic course, and we were talking about different faces and how each one of us process a trigger differently. So you and I are so opposite in this. I have a little tiny chin, you have a a stronger chin, and I was saying it takes me a good week, seven to ten days, and then I can process or say whatever it is. And we were laughing because a friend of mine's in that, she's like, Christy, I've known you for a long time. And I used to be so irritated by that because she said you would get upset with me, and then you wouldn't, you know, you weren't able to tell me for a week, and then I'm like, Well, it was over a week ago. And I said, Yes, because how we process are very different. Yeah. And to understand, I understand that about me. Yeah, and so right. Self-knowledge. That's the important part. Yeah. And understanding without judging that my nervous system needs a few days to settle down before I can handle it. Yeah. Or yours is right in the moment. It's so true. As long as we know, oh, that is how I work, and that's okay. I don't need your permission. You don't need my permission of how I do that.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

Yeah. God, Chrissy, that's so true. You it makes me think of years ago I had a boss, and he had been an ex, he was an NYPD like motorcycle cop, but he lived in moved to Albuquerque because he had an accident and he retired from that. And then we were working together in the corporate world, and he was a sales manager, and then a really good friend of mine. We became good friends working together. And we one day him and I are talking, he goes, Well, you know her. She gets upset, it's the three-day rule. She's not going to be able to, like, she's going to be mad at you for three days. And then all of a sudden, like on the fourth day, you're like, Oh, she's fine. So we were laughing about that. And then I tell my friend this, and she goes, Wait a minute, wait, look, what about that thing that just happened? Like Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. It is three days. And she was able to laugh about that and go, Yeah, I was mad for three days. And then all of a sudden, it's like, so I think the like the knowledge of self is that's it's just so good to know that. And again, to not make someone wrong for it. You know, I'm a verbal processor, so I process by talking. Uh, like my daughter, very internal processor. She's more like her dad that way, just very internal, keeps it in. And then all of a sudden, when she's ready to talk about it, you know, it's like, who put a quarter in you? Then she can talk away. But her process is to go inward first. And again, one's not better than the other. One's not wrong, you know.

SPEAKER_00 19:25

I mean, no, and the only thing that matters is what is yours.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

I do think it's helpful to understand, which is why I love psychosomatics so much with the faces. I do think it's helpful because we get such tunnel vision and get irritated with people because they don't process like we do, or in the time frame we think is appropriate. That's so not on the person that is on you.

SPEAKER_01 19:53

It's so true. Instead of like, I mean, I had to learn that with my husband, you know, that abandoned, we gotta work this out, we gotta talk about it right now. I'm not gonna be okay if we don't. And he's the opposite, like, I need space. And then it was like, I've learned to be able to like, he needs space. I can still get hooked now and then and go back into that. But again, it it rarely happens anymore now. But when it does, sometimes I swan dive back into it, but then all of a sudden it's like, okay, now I can walk away. But it it took, you know, it takes time to understand that because you know, it and I you could go to attachment styles and anxious attachment, like let's take it out, and the other one's avoidant attachment. I can't talk about this, but to like I just always have to come back to to not make yourself wrong for it, you know. Right. Yeah, and be aware and be aware and be aware, and be aware, and there's such truth to as cliche as it sounds, awareness is the first step. It is, it is.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

How else do you change your relationship if we keep bringing it back to self more than other? How else do you change it if you don't know what you do, how it feels? And that's where you know, even addictions we feed them because of this very thing. So if if your first go-to is to like eat chocolate and drink soda or um smoke or go shopping, if you're aware that you're in it, you can be consciously in it, and it will move through its course and then move out.

SPEAKER_01 21:38

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

But we we do have to ask, and that's a big part of this podcast today, is what happens in me when I get triggered? What does my system do? What's my patterning? For me, mine is certainly to disappear and isolate, and then I'll have a conversation, which is just what how I process where you're Exactly the opposite.

SPEAKER_01 22:01

Oh my God, Chrissy. Like I hear that and I'm like, God, I wish I could do that sometimes. But I'm like I mean, it's like and my sister is a lot like you too. She's very quiet, very internal. I'm like, I'm gonna pop if I don't talk. I'm just gonna pop. I'm gonna blow up. I'm gonna self-implow.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

And Marty, that's all good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

It's just like there it is.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

Poo. Well, and and you being able to give yourself permission to do that. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:39

It's so true. I know I've said this a million times, but like even with my husband now, after all this time together. Mark, can you not go into full wombat mode when I tell you what I'm about to tell you?

SPEAKER_00 22:53

Oh, he's learned, hasn't he? I'm not sure, but let's try it. I see I see that as really healthy personally.

SPEAKER_01 23:04

Yeah, no. I I mean, I I I do I am grateful that I'm like there because I see that I can get uh I don't I have an intense processing time, but I don't have necessarily a very long duration of processing time. Because it's just so painful. I'm like, I gotta be dealing with this right now. Like I'm in such pain.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

So yeah. Well, that's the beautiful part though, Marty. Yeah. Exactly. And I think most people get to like the client I was talking about, we sometimes like that's a mental pain that I'm hearing you talk about. And what happens with some people is they'll have a somatic pain. Right. Right.

SPEAKER_01 24:01

So true. It's so true.

SPEAKER_00 24:03

It moves out on our bodies, you know. You've talked about that's why I'm bringing this up, rashes and hives. That's a somatic response to internal fire.

SPEAKER_01 24:14

I rock the rashes, but not anymore. No, I mean, every now and then I'll get like a little bump, itchy. Oh, there's a little bed itchiness on my spine. Okay, but like, I mean, not the whole like. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:33

Well, you've learned to move your own fire.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:36

Yeah. And I certainly learned mine takes a little bit longer to move, but it it does move now. And that that's helpful because I know I can work through whatever comes.

SPEAKER_01 24:47

I just think of funny things like with my husband, because you know, my dad, this isn't funny, but my dad was a war veteran, had very serious PTSD back when they had no idea what it was. So we all grew up around that. But I, you know, Liam and I joke about how I get Tourette's. I mean, trust me, he does too. He's a fireball too. But it's like he's like, I'll get Tourette's, and then I'm just like, you know, it's like it's coming out. And and I like I've when I was years ago, I used to take a baseball bat to a mattress. Because for me, it's such a physical feeling. It's so like that's why I encourage people that have more, let's say, process like I do, pace when you tap because you're getting the body involved. Like I told you how many times hike and just like it. Jelps for me, it really helps process that energy and move it.

SPEAKER_00 25:44

It does, and that's the key is moving physically in your body, or humming, or singing to loud music, or whatever that is to come out of the head and the story that keeps spinning and into your body.

SPEAKER_01 25:59

Yeah. And I I uh I follow someone who's very big on uh breaking coconuts, like get a coconut and like break it, or go to Goodwill, get some really cheap dishes, and just freaking slam them into a trash can. I've never done, I think I did a coconut once, but I was like, no, I could see this utter satisfaction in that.

SPEAKER_00 26:24

It works, and it's I've had like there's a place here in Salt Lake City that you can pay to go to for an hour and break plates or hit things, or you know, whatever that is. It's called they're called rage rooms for that very thing because it they know that that helps the nervous system regulate again. Yeah, have it safe, you're not breaking anyone's stuff, right? They clean up the mess. I love that plant.

SPEAKER_01 26:53

Oh, yeah, I could do the salad spinner sometimes. I'm just like really rigorous with the salad spinner turning on. And I'm like, I'm just dispelling some energy. And then bless your food after. Exactly. God bless you, totally.

SPEAKER_00 27:15

Yeah, well, it's such a good example, yeah. And there isn't a person alive that doesn't get triggered. We all do, and it teach it can teach us so much about there again, that relationship with self and how we abandon or how we rescue, how we might freeze or shut down or or war and fight. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:39

Yeah. And like of course, to be curious about it.

SPEAKER_00 27:42

Yeah. Of course. So true. I mean, all you have to do is look at your phone, let alone a another human being. Because there's so much now that I think that's part of the important piece of unplugging. Yeah. So we can continue to foster and develop what is it to be with me.

SPEAKER_01 28:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:06

What what is that? And you hike. I like to go to the gym and lift weights, like those kind of things. And I don't like anyone with me. I like to just do that because it helps me process. Yeah. And move my body.

SPEAKER_01 28:22

Yeah. I was thinking of this movie. It's an old movie, Night Shift, with Michael Keaton. I've I gotta go watch it again. And Henry Winkler. And Michael Keaton's. Oh, I loved him. Oh my god, crazy dude. Like he's he reminds me of Liam. It's like he'll dive off the top platform. Oh, wait, is there water in the pool? That's Liam. And and Henry Winkler's is very buttoned up, very, and then you see the transformation, like the character arc. And but that's why I love movies, the character arcs. They're so cool. And all of a sudden, Henry Winkler, he's just takes stuff all the time. Takes it, takes it, takes it. And he's finally, and the scene's amazing where he's just he takes a sandwich, he goes in this deli. They always give him the wrong sandwich, they put mustard on it, but he doesn't want it. This part stands out. He opens it up, he goes, I've asked for no mustard. And then he takes the the top roof and he just slides it down the wall. And it's just this hilarious scene where he's coming into his like giving himself his truth, have having been someone that was so shut down for so long. And it's just it's so I just thought, wow, what a testament to that. And I I often think of as women, too, you know, the be nice, be pleasing, be kind, be this, and um, and to learn to like unhook from that, you know.

SPEAKER_00 29:55

Yes, and it's important to know what is your hook, exactly. Right, because that's easy to say, I think, Marty. Um it's more challenging to understand when you're hooked or what are your hooks. Right, exactly. And and what what do they feel like and what do they sound like because sometimes it will go into blame. Why does this always happen to me? Oh, um, so so and so always we start using language, like always and never very absolute language when we're in a trigger. Right, right. But if you're not aware of trade, you know, that's well, and I think of Henry Winkler, that's a really good example. For how many years did he get mustard on a sandwich? And in his head, he's like, That asshole, he did it again. Like it's a it's a projected piece outward until finally there's enough explosion internally. There's a lot of people like that, you know, and he wipes the mustard down because his system couldn't take it anymore.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 31:02

Yeah, what is your system needing? And this is a question I would ask everyone to ask themselves what am I needing when I feel like for Henry Winkler when I feel not heard or not seen? Yeah. And how could I support myself to speak up? And or maybe how could I support myself to not want to kill the person on the other side of the thing making my sandwich? Both are on the same spectrum. Absolutely. And one isn't better than the other, they're just different ways and to for us to stay curious of our responses, our reactions, and work from that space. And it gets less and less, just like you said, yeah in the beginning of the story. Instead of it being a week, it's been what a couple days, yeah, a day, and you're getting a session tomorrow, it'll probably be gone tomorrow once you process through it. Right. Yeah.

unknown 32:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:01

That is the work. It is, it absolutely is. And it's, you know, and it's and the thing that I notice about it so much now is how conscious I am. You know, like, oh, there it is. There I'm feeling victimized, which is fine. I mean, we all have a victim in us, and it's like, okay, let that reparent that little kid. Of course, you feel victimized. It's okay, there's nothing wrong about that, you know, and let give that give that child their truth. And then from that, then you can move through it, you know.

SPEAKER_00 32:34

Yeah. Well, that's that's resourcing the child in us, which we all have. Yes. And there again, it's so important to know, especially in relationship, when the child is showing up versus the adult in us showing up.

SPEAKER_01 32:50

Yes, yeah. Well, it's interesting today, too, when I was talking to my husband about what was happening, and then I just started to cry. And I could actually really let myself cry because I I tend to like not do that so much. And it what was awesome about it is, you know, and I just said, can I have a hug? And I came, he came over, we had he gave me a hug, and it was great. We had such a like great talk about it, you know, talking about like the things that there, there it is, the shared experience. And then he's talking about himself and how the same stuff shows up for him and the addiction to chaos and all that stuff. And it was like, yeah, oh, I get it. And in that moment, you know, I said to him, Thanks so much for being able to hear this and be present with me for it, you know. And when I asked for a hug, you were able to do that, and um, that's huge, it's huge, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:50

It's such a gift to another person to be able to do that, and slow down out of your own stuff and just be present, right? Yeah. Sounds easier than it is. Oh yes, oh yes, because and I I say that you and I both work with a lot of people, and um, we can have great intellectual conversations, however, the practice of this, you and I both practice it, and I want everyone to know that this isn't as simple as it sounds.

SPEAKER_01 34:22

Not at all. I mean, not at all. It's a practice. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. I mean, I definitely would say it was probably yesterday, yeah. I was like, uh if I would use this term, like the funk took over me, like and the mind was swirling. And I was just, I was also not trying to make myself not feel that way. I really was just sitting with it and letting it be what it was to experience it. And then I, you know, a couple times or whenever I needed to, I would tap, but just like to actually sit and honor it, you know, and be like, there's nothing to fix here, just feel it. Just that's a beautiful segue into some tapping, my friend. Right, yeah. So let's do it and think about like if you're triggered, and and we'll just follow along, karate chuck, even though I'm so triggered. And I don't know what to do with this. I think I feel a bit lost. I choose to acknowledge this truth right now. I'm so triggered. I feel like I need to fix this. What if there's nothing to fix here? What if it just needs to be felt? Even though feeling fully? That's a huge deal. To really feel fully. I don't think I have that much practice at that. I choose to honor my truth right now. I'm just so triggered. I go from angry to sad to enraged, to fearful, to panicked. I am all over the spectrum. And boy, am I feeling fully. And that doesn't mean this is comfortable. Because a lot of times this all feels so forbidden. But what if the truth is the best gift I can give myself is to feel fully. So I can learn to set myself free. And that is a forever journey. It's not this imaginary finish line that I'm someday gonna cross over, and I'm gonna have it all together. No, it's day to day, sometimes minute by minute, and moment by moment, and the gift I want to give myself is to make that all okay. And what if by learning to make it all okay, it starts to dissipate? Because I'm actually allowing the emotions to be felt and completed. And what if that gift helps me move through it with more ease and take a breath?

SPEAKER_00 39:04

Beautiful, Marty. I'm just going to add a little piece on there as you're sitting after the tapping to take your hands. And how I would like you to breathe is into the back of your throat. So if you open your mouth just a little bit and you'll breathe in, and then blowing out like you're clearing or cleaning glass, blowing on glass. So you'll leave your mouth open and then tap. And really feel your breath and breathe into your throat, because it tightens when we get angry or triggered. Feel your lung capacity expand and breathe out. As you say, it is safe to be in my body. It is safe to be in my body and feel the tapping. And one last thing, big deep breath through the throat again. Feel your lungs expand and breathe out. And as you tap, imagining that little self in you that once was little, as you tap, it's safe to be in my body. The adult in me has the little one in me. And I am well aware of the trigger, I'm well aware of the fear, the sadness, or the anger, and I've got you. That is the practice. That is the practice, so be patient with that.

SPEAKER_01 40:39

That was beautiful. So soothing.

SPEAKER_00 40:44

Yeah. Life is lifeing. And we are here to support each other in that process. Absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 40:56

Thanks, Christy.

SPEAKER_00 40:58

It always great to see you. Thank you, Marty. Hope that little doggy finds a finds a home.

SPEAKER_01 41:04

She will, and she's got a home until she does, so that's good.

SPEAKER_00 41:09

Yeah, a very good home.

unknown 41:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:12

Thank you everyone for joining us. Please like and share the podcast as a resource to someone who might need this today. So thank you, everyone. Thank you, everyone.