Episode 31 - Adriana Wood

Adriana shares her story of how she grew up in Mexico with a single mother.  She recalls never having security in her family with her mom and not knowing her father until the last year of his life.    Hear her speak how she knows God had his hand on her through every hard and dark time growing up, as well as today. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:10

Hello, I'm Becky Dowd, and this is The Journey to Salvation. Join me as we walk alongside real people and hear the unique journeys that led them to faith in Jesus. Today my guest is Audriana Wood. Hey Audriana. Hello. How are you doing today? I'm doing good. You have your rose-colored glasses on. That's what makes everything better. Yes. I think I need a pair of those, or maybe I could borrow yours. Audriana, can you share a little bit about your past and your uh upbringing?

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Yes. So um I was born in Mexico back in the 80s. Good old years. Uh specifically 84. 84. 84.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

Uh I'm not gonna tell you how old I was in 84. Well, we'll keep that a secret.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Um that was a good year for the Thunderbirds and a good year for the Raiders, and good year. And so um uh, you know, I grew up with a single mom. My mom um had three other kids, older kids. I'm the youngest one. And um it was just uh she had a just a rough life. It was rough back then. And and um my dad was an alcoholic, so I didn't really grow up in a normal or a regular phone family, like you would think. Um, and back in the 80s that was really hard for for my mom. It was like um uh a lot of rejection because of her lifestyle, single mom. Um was that typical in Mexico or was it kind of okay? It was especially back in the 80s. I think nowadays it's not, but back then she would feel a lot of rejection. Um she she um she was really hurt by people because of her lifestyle, the choices she made. And so because of the choices she made, um, my siblings and I kind of grow up um struggling. It was just kind of a rough lifestyle. And um, so uh most of the time I will be with my grandmother and my uncle and my aunts, my cousins. And so um I think that mold me into the person that I am because uh my grandmother influenced me so much, and she was um a very um, I don't even know the word, like not humbled, but um I guess she understood her place. Like she knew this is not my she was living with her son and her son's wife, and so she understood like this is not my home. I don't really um have a say in here, and so I have to like always sit back and always wait and always like um humble myself for before people in here, and so I grew up seeing that. So the both of us will wait to to come and eat, or um she will always um make sure that I wait with her and like were your siblings with you at that point? Yes. My brother and my sister were there, and so like I said, I'm the youngest, and so uh at this point I don't really realize what's going on. Like I don't still have the understanding of what's happening, but my sister did, she's older, and so she kind of just went back to herself and like got really quiet and and and so did my brother. Um but I was just different. I don't know what was that. I just there's something different about me. I was more outspoken. Um but so that from there we I just that was my life. Like just sit back, wait, humble yourself. Don't you can't have that, you can do this. And um life is just uh always changing, always changing. Like I uh I laugh about because by the time I'm by the time I got married, which is 21, I have moved 21 times. Like I can recall houses that have been moved. Wow. And so it was like always, I could never get friendships because it was moved. I was I had to move. Or I could never get um used to something because everything changed. And so I learned to just like be ready, just get get you're gonna move, it's gonna happen. Like, don't get attached, don't get um too close. And so by the time um, you know, I am I guess seven, eight, that's when I start realizing there is evil, there is bad things happening, I don't understand why my mom is acting this way, and I don't know why my sister is hiding, I don't know why my, you know, like all these things happening, and all of a sudden I'm I'm aware of evil, I'm aware of bad intentions. Um at this point, too, uh life changes drastically for me because uh my mother was living with this man, and he was like a butcher man. So he had, you know, he was a uh a wealthy man, he had a business. Uh and so I grew up not wanting anything. Like I have clothes, I have food, we have a nice home. My mom was, you know, involved. Um, but when he left her, everything changed. And so at that point, I face poverty like big time. And so I remember we moved to this neighborhood that it was like rough, like the roughest in town. And uh the kids will make fun of me because I was a rich girl. Like I had my nice dress and my nice shoes and bows, and um, I just remember that little by little everything started worn out. And I didn't have, you know, I didn't have nice shoes anymore. And so I kind of fade in with everybody in the neighborhood. And so that was that was like another eye-opening too. Oh, there's a struggle, oh, there's no food, oh, what are we gonna do? And so that is why I grow up a lot with my grandmother, because there will be food in there. I just have to, you know, wait to eat, wait and respectfully uh earn it. And so I think that's another thing where I learned that if I act this way, I receive this. And so um, if I do good, they would they will feed me. If I, you know, if I I am nice or polite, they will let me stay. And so that's that's that was something that I learned as a little girl to to uh I mean it sounds mean, but like to manipulate that if I want to eat, I gotta be nice, you know. I had to be respectful, I had to be uh show honor or whatever it is that I had to do. And so from then on, my mom just, you know, just has um um is single, and so really quick she finds this new partner. And so he moves in, and um my sister just don't like him. My brother just, you know, he's little too, so we're just like we don't we don't know what's going on. Um but life starts changing, like he there's more um how we how we say it, um there is more stability, you know. Um so my mother is has calmed down a little bit, she's not like doing what she's been doing alone, and so everything is okay. Just going through life as a little girl, and then at 13, my dad dies. And I I don't really know him because you know my mother left him when I was six months old. And so um at this point he's really sick and he's dying by the time I get closer to him, like a year before he dies. And so I start getting to know him, I start getting to talk to him, I start um he's uh inviting me over to his house so that I can help him clean up the house because uh he was really sick. And so I start getting to see another side of him that my mother never talked about. You know, she always talked bad about him and um just painted this ugly picture about him. And so the last year of his life, I get to see another side that I never knew. And um I'm grateful for that because uh I would never get to know him. So at 13 he dies, and um I didn't I remember going to see him, and my uncle's there and telling me um he's not here anymore. Uh he he's he's passed away. And uh I just remember like feeling this sadness of I'm never gonna see him again. Um and I didn't get to say bye, I didn't get to um tell him how my mind has to change. Um so I think that was the point of turning, like at that point, um I'm growing, I'm not a little girl anymore, I'm 13 years old, so everything is changing. And um I think with my dad passing away, my stepdad kind of realized, okay, she's um helpless. Like, who's gonna protect her? Who's gonna um defend her or whatever? He knew my mom was not um uh very protective. And so he just started um I'm not gonna say like he abused me in any way, but he would start looking at me as a woman, not you know, as a 13-year-old girl, he started um looking at me different. And so little by little he would um just try to um kiss me, he would try to uh hug me, and it was like in a weird way, like he wasn't trying to be gross, he was trying to be like a like a boyfriend. And so I just remember telling my mom about it, and and I think that's what when I say I'm different from my siblings, is that I will say things. My my sister would just be quiet and she wouldn't say anything. And my brother would just be quiet too. But I was I was just gonna say things. Um and in a way was rebellious back then, but um I think it made it the difference of what it that being that way kind of pushed me different direction than my sister and my brother, you know. And so um I keep telling uh I keep saying that to my mom, like he's doing this, like I would even be like up front, like he would try to do something, and he thinks like I'm gonna be a victim and quiet and not say anything, and I would just start saying it to my mom, like he's trying to kiss me.

SPEAKER_02 12:16

Did she believe you?

SPEAKER_00 12:18

Um I think she did. I think she did. She knew who how he was, right? But I think she has struggled all her life. Like she has a uh a really hard story. So I think at this point she's like, um, I can't, I don't want to lose what I have.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

She needed that security.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

Yes, there yes, and so I am at this point I'm 15 now, going 16, and I don't know at what point my mom just makes this agreement to herself that um by 16 she's done with us. And so at 16 my my sister gets kicked out of the house and you know runs away with her boyfriend. At 17, she's got a baby. And 16, my brother does the same thing. At 17, he's got a baby. And so, like I said, like because I'm rebellious and I'm not following the pattern, um I don't do that.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

And so do you think she did that for their protection? Or was she just trying to?

SPEAKER_00 13:25

Uh I think that in her mind, in her heart, like now that she's changed, I think she did it for that. Like I thought, I think she's like, you're gonna be better off now. You can defend yourself, you can figure it out, you know. And so um it was at 16 that um he is continuing to do that. My mother is just trying to blind herself from it, and at this point, it's like this is now gonna change. So I know that most people are wondering, how did I get here?

SPEAKER_02 14:03

Let me ask you something before you move on to that. So, what what did you see your future to be um living there in Mexico?

SPEAKER_00 14:12

Uh I didn't have anything. Like I just I I remember telling my mother, um, if you leave him, I'll I'll I'll quit school and I'll just start working. We will work and we'll figure out. But like I said, that was just security that she didn't want to lose. She didn't want to go back to zero and and do all the things that she's been doing for years. You know, I'm an older, you know, in her mind I'm I'm I'm a grown woman. So you can survive. Um and so I think that's what she made herself believe, and um that's what it led to. It led to um, okay, well then I I can't like and it was it was I know it's the hand of God in every single thing. Like I know that with a hundred percent, that um he would leave my mother to go to my grandmother's house and say, she can't stay here. I don't want her here. So my mother my grandmother would be like, okay, you know, it so it was just this very uh my mother is very um how would you say strong woman, like she comes at you and tells you, or used to. And so my grandmother just always kind of back down. Back down in most people did, and so everywhere that I would go, she would um go and say she's not staying here. And so um, and my dad's side of the family, I don't know. So I don't I don't want to be with strangers like that. And so um there's this is where life turns for me. And uh this this lady, her name is Rosa, she had kids in in Texas, and she will go to Mexico all the time, and she is my aunt's sister-in-law, and she um she was really kind and she asked me if I want to come to America and babysit her kids while she goes to Mexico, and I will go to school with them, but in the afternoons I'll just sit with them and and take care of and help them with help her with them. And so in my 16-year-old mind, that I have no choices, you know, I'm I'm kicked out of all these places. Um that's my last choice. So I'm like, okay, that's that's what I'll do. And so I didn't really think about language, I didn't think about the culture, I didn't think about um what was coming, how how is this gonna be? I just thought that's that's a door. I'm going through it.

SPEAKER_02 16:50

And so you didn't really have a whole lot of options, did you?

SPEAKER_00 16:54

No, and so uh she she made it happen. I remember uh driving through the through the bridge, and and I think this, I don't know what time it was, but uh there was this butterfly uh bridge with butterflies, and I think because that's the path of the monarchs going down south to Mexico, and so they have this path for them. But I remember looking at them and and just saying, um, Laura's I'm I'm in your hands. Like, I don't know if she's gonna be nice to me. I don't know if she's gonna sell me, I don't know where I'm going. Um I'm in your hands. And so little did I know I was gonna um end up here, like in the same year I'm in Arkansas with this Mexican family that welcomed me. And um they decide that education is important, so they send their kids to school. Well, if I want to be with them, I have to go to school. Like that was not an option. So I was enrolled in Cross County and um that's what you know you didn't know English at that time? Zero. I didn't know anything, I have no idea what was going on, you know. And so uh I it uh that's the beautiful thing about being a teenager. I think that's why I like to be around them because they just at that point I wasn't thinking like, how am I gonna learn? How am I gonna do this thing? Like all this too much. It's the process of it. I couldn't my brain wasn't capable of thinking that far out. It was just, I'm here. This is what I'm doing. Okay, I'm going. All right, what's coming? All right. And so um, that's when I met Derek. That's uh 11th year, 11th grade, and um it it was uh a turning point in my life, you know. And uh like I have these conversations with Audrey about um Audrey's your oldest daughter. Yes, she's 17, and you know, when she's going through hard things, um I try to remind her, like, just hold on, just keep on going, keep on going, because you don't know what's gonna be, you know, like it it looks really dark right now, but like if you keep on going, it might turn it's gonna turn somehow. And so I remind her of my being 16 years old in another country with a different language and different culture, and and it's the like in my heart was the hardest thing because I felt the rejection of my mom. Like, if she doesn't love me, if my mother doesn't love me, then who can love me? And so I try to remind her, like, just keep on going, keep on going, because there's gonna be a turning point. There's something that's gonna turn and it's gonna change. It's not gonna stay like this forever.

SPEAKER_02 20:04

And so, um let me back up just one second. So when you were in Mexico, did you ever go to church or did you what did you know of God?

SPEAKER_00 20:17

My grandmother was a Catholic, and so I was really influenced by her. Um she would uh ask us to go with her to mass. And um I remember going with her and just feeling the I don't know, like it was too serious. It's like don't move, don't, don't, don't, don't do anything because it's irreverent. And so um the heaviness of it kind of pushed me out of um believing in, like not believing, because I always believed there was there is a God, but trusting him, like getting close to him or approaching him. I just always thought like he's he's just a mean God and he's just gonna judge you and yes, like this old man that is just trying to get me. And so I just kind of tune it out. Like I think I think that's what I did. But uh like if I have like the earliest memory, and I know this is gonna be funny, but the earliest memory I have is me being in this house. I'm like a seven-year-old, and uh being in the shower and looking up and acknowledging that he is looking at me. And shame comes. And and I'm I I remember feeling like he is he's here, he's he's the his presence and shame coming. And I think that's when I can say I start seeing. the evil around me. Where before I didn't know. I I don't remember. I don't if things happen, I don't know. But it from that point I just I acknowledge there is there is God and and and there's evil in the world. And evil came in. Like I guess that was my age of accountability.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

Yeah. And so when you after you met Derek after 11th grade.

SPEAKER_00 22:29

11th grade. Um so that goes back to God because Derek is a Christian. He is uh raised in a Christian home parents, grandparents. And so um I'm gonna cry. Um one of the beautiful things about Derek is that um even though he um grow grew up in this you know uh well off family you know he had um a farm uh he never um look down you know he never had that um um how what would you say this this wall the different the cle the classes of you know social or um who has money who who doesn't what kind of clothes you're wearing where you're from um somehow he don't have that and I remember my friends my Mexican friends would be like he's so different he's not um he doesn't judge you because you're an immigrant or because you you know you don't have money literally homeless so I think that was um a huge huge um breakthrough of the reason why this guy is different is not because um I don't know I don't even know what I say like he the only reason why he is not um like the world that will separate that will segregate they would say you're poor you're rich you dress like this you look like this is because Christ and so it was really real in his heart at that young age and so I saw that in him and it made me wonder like um there's something there's there's gotta be something there's something about this that I want to know more I you know and so he was really kind respectful which in my world that you know men are not that way um so it was this weird feeling of he doesn't look at me uh uh with lust he looks at me as a girl and so um I start um seeing the blessing of the turning point of oh there's a different world there's uh not everything has to be like it was and so I was able to um have more um of a life of a teenager um where before I was always have to babysit or always have to do something I wasn't really like free to be a child or um um a teenager a young teenager but at this point I'm an older teenager and so I was able to uh go on dates with him and like feel special feel um uh like I have some worth where before it's just like I'm just uh I'm just there and so at this point I'm 16 17 18 and uh we start going to to the church with him he started inviting me to go to church with him and he would have like a Wednesday night meeting and you know I don't really know English so I'm learning English I'm learning about Jesus I'm learning about life without the pressures of pleasing people it's just you know trying to be figure out who I am what am I doing and um it is 18 when I I think it's my late 18s when I heard the good news I heard the good news at the church Sunday morning and um you know they tell you how if you are tired if you are um uh exhausted I remember just had to do something with that kind of line of um burdened burden like if you want that to be you want to be free from that come to him he will give you rest and um life and I remember like acknowledging I am a sinner I I have nothing um so you're promising something and I want that and so I remember just going down the aisle and say you know um I want that I want him and um it was powerful it was really real in my life I remember reading the Bible and being like what like he said that he he's saying these things and just going through it like man I just want to eat whatever you know the word was saying and it was so impactful and it was so uh real it was so real um and so um we are out of high school we graduated and you know if you could ever get there to tell you his testimony he was going to Mississippi he wanted to go to Mississippi and his senior year he's like I'm not going anywhere I'm staying here um and so we start going to Asian Newport and uh that's when our relationship got really like we got really close that's when we got really really close and we knew this is this is it and like we are we are we are not going anywhere and so at 21 we we got married and um I have the Cinderella story like no doubt I have uh uh a sweet Cinderella story where um you know the prince looks at me and uh I remember when he asked me to marry him uh he gave me uh a ring and I remember in my heart thinking I honestly thought I never would get one like because of my mom I always thought well who wants to marry me and so it was it was so powerful when he did that he uh he wrote me a letter and all these things it was just really beautiful and then from then on we just like start going to uh somehow we start going to Cherry Valley Baptist and that's when we start doing the youth we kind of got pushed into that and at such a young age but it was like really impactful to in our in our in our walk with Jesus to to trust him with that because we I mean we're pretty much teenagers too you know we're 22 23 years old and we just left that life and so um that's when he starts like really start to molding us and shaping us and teaching us how to trust him because you know we we we start seeing reality for me it was like normal for there it was not like we start seeing teenagers they're struggling at home that the parents are on drugs the the um the real um the group of people that really have nobody and so for there it was like a really eye opening to to be there for these teens and for me it was like oh I I hear I hear you I understand what you're going through I you know I know exactly what you're going through and so it's like perfect what the way he designed that and um so at this point we have allergy and the at I guess by the time I'm pregnant with Reuben another turning point comes to me and is the grace of God like you know at 18 I accept salvation and I I want rest and I wanted um I wanted peace I wanted to uh have that security but at 27 I keep opened my eyes to grace to understand that even though I'm doing all these good things um they are trash compared to his holiness and so it was an eye opening to I can't bring anything to you that is worth it um help me like I I see who I am I see that I am a mess I see that I'm hiding all these things that I am not being genuine I can put up front really good but it's not really what's inside you know and so that's when he starts re-shaping everything and so soon I'm gonna go back I'm gonna be able to go back to Mexico and confr like not confront but like face the the what he's doing in my heart like am I gonna obey or am I just gonna keep on going my life as it is because I'm not I'm doing good like I'm not you didn't necessarily want to go back did you no and so I'm doing good and like I love it when Dustin talks about messiness because that's exactly what was in in Derek's and us thought process is like if we do this it's gonna get messy and we don't have a mess you know we we we got a normal life calm and like we we're you know we're good citizens and so if we do this it's gonna get messy but he's calling us to do this and so you know it was Derek and I going back to Mexico and um I remember going down and we're down in San Antonio and it's getting dark and we're saying maybe we need to turn back you know like I don't know that I can do this. And so um we just went we just keep going through it just reminding ourselves why we're doing this why um he's calling us to do this because if I've been forgiven then I have to forgive I have to forgive my mom I cannot say I am a believer but I have this hate towards her you know like that's that's unbiblical and so he will he will do it right and so he was leading me to do it right he was leading me to to face this thing that needs to be restored healed so that I can move forward to what he's got for me you know and so that's happening we got into this another world for Derek and for you know he's never never knew these people and so it was beautiful how they all just welcome us um and it was 15 years since I've been in Mexico so I haven't seen my grandmother in that long and so I was able to see her uh hug her love on her there I got to met her and months later she dies and so I think um like I said like the hand of the Lord is just in every single thing like even um the hard things all the hard things I know he's got a hand on it he allowed that to happen because what was coming and so just being able to hug her and love her uh it was powerful um and then from then on like he goes on to um my mom um it's just being able to see her as a person and not judge her anymore like because of the grace that God has given me I was able to pass it through her and like I'm not gonna lie and say oh everything was wonderful and angels came it was like I had to deny myself from tell her the things that I want to say and like um and sometimes I didn't deny myself sometimes I just said it and like or I would confront her like no I'm not I'm not gonna play the game this is wrong and so um we would get into these arguments where she's trying to defend herself and I'm trying to defend myself and I think that's that was healthy for us to get things out. Because I was you know Dustin was talking about peacemaking and it's like peacemaking is not just like keep everything as it is but to shake it up and like bring it out expose it bring it out and talk about it so that peace can come through you know and so I think we did that for some few years but we would continue to like I would continue to humble myself and somehow she's humbling herself like she wants to have a relationship with me. So she would humble herself and that was a big deal because she's so strong like she's so so I don't even know the word strong will strong will so I don't know and so to see her bending her wheel because she wanted to have peace with me was um confirmation in my heart like you you're working this out because the other the the my my old like the older woman would be like you know screw you I don't need you go on go off or whatever but this time she's humbling herself and she is taking it in instead of fighting and so he is doing that in my heart it's helping my kids to see that um you know it's so easy for me to talk about grace to them but now they're seeing it they they're seeing God restoring a broken really bad relationship and so um she uh starts coming to my house here and she would she would say she would get offended if my dad's picture is in the house and I'll be like he's my dad like why you know I wish I would have known him I wish I would have known more about him and uh we will get into these arguments and um that end up clearing things up and so now we I feel like we finally have bring exposed everything out every we we have bring everything that was in our in my heart and in her heart and we have come to the to to uh a place where we don't have anything anymore that we can get mad about or the you know that I'm gonna fire up if I feel or something that you did wrong. So I think we're in a really good place right now. And it's because she has surrendered she has surrendered to the Lord. And so that's a powerful thing too like the the fact that the Lord has done that it's it's beautiful to me because he didn't have to you know and so we can I mean now she gives me advice and and I know it comes from the Lord and I'm like okay I can listen to you now I I hear you and I and I thank the Lord for that because I didn't have that I never thought I was going to have that and so Sunday morning we're talking with the communion part of I was telling about my grandmother being so scared about everything and like because of the way she was living her life she was um very timid very um she didn't want to offend she didn't want to do anything wrong because she had nothing you know she literally had nothing she was completely dependent on my uncle her son and um I guess what I want to explain now that was my past that's what he's been doing in my life but now what he's doing is he is um taking me back and so on Sunday when I was talking about communion and like being that little girl with my grandmother I hated it I hated it to be um vulnerable I hated it that I was uh um told when to eat when not to eat if I can sit on the table if I cannot um um the man that took advantage of of me as a little girl um being viewed as a as a thing that can move or uh that doesn't belong or like that can be uh take out uh like a picture like a cup I don't know just feeling um worthless uh I hated it I hated it I want to grow up and I want to be independent um that rebellious heart that I keep talking about will say no one's gonna tell you what to do no one's gonna tell you when to eat so uh now that I'm a believer that he I am seeking him I like I want him more than I want anything in my life he is leading me to these paths of submission that I don't like I don't like it and so when I say um I hated being a little girl he quickly reminds me if you want to enter my kingdom you gotta become one and so to be vulnerable to be uh dependent to be uh told when or how um it's it it really brings turmoil to my heart I don't want to submit I don't want to but what he's keeps telling me is I am a good dad I I love you and when I when I invite you to my table um it's because I really want you to come and be part of it and so um come come and when I told You to be vulnerable is because it's good for you, because I want you to depend on me. Because if you think you can you got this, and you're on your own. But if you are dependent on me, um man, I got you. And so it is this reverse uh uh mode that I'm in of oh, I have to be I have to be vulnerable, I have to depend, I have to wait until he invites me in. I have to um um submit. I have to not be rebellious, I have to uh trust him. And I think as like I said, because of life, it's really hard for me to trust. And so now he's saying, You're gonna learn how to trust me because I'm a good dad, I'm a good father, and I'm gonna teach you the right way. And so that's where I am today. I am um trying to go back and go back with the believing my heart that it's good, he's good, and he's gonna it's not gonna be like it was, it's gonna be the way it was supposed to be.

SPEAKER_02 45:14

That's really where you find peace, I think, in security is truly trusting him because when we try to do it on our own, we we don't know everything, but he does. Yes, you know, yeah. So if we trust him, he's gonna lead us and guide us in those ways that lead us to that peace and comfort that we could never have anywhere else. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 45:39

And so um it is uh it has been a uh a roller coaster, it's been uh uh a ride. Uh but you know, now that I'm in my 40s, like I just turned 40, I'm gonna be I don't even know how old I am. But like 40 was a big, big, big time. Like he really, like the midlife crisis crisis happened to me. Like, what am I doing with myself? What was happening? What what is my point here? You know, like I'm a stay-home mom, but my kids are all in school now. So it's this this fight of everybody asking me, now what are you gonna do? How what are you gonna do with yourself? And and I'm thinking, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 46:29

I remember you saying that a couple of years ago when Selima started school. Yeah, everybody was asking you.

SPEAKER_00 46:35

Yes, and so it was a real a real wrestle in my heart because I always struggle with worth like to the world, I'm not bringing anything to the table. To the world, I don't really have anything to present, you know. And so I think that's another thing that the God that the Lord is um showing me, like you're not of this world. Why are you comparing yourself to the world and and what they say success is or um all the standards that they put? Um I am your standard. Look at me, come like focus on me. And I and it and it's it's it's pretty opposite, you know. The the kingdom of heaven is opposite from the world. And so um I think that's where believing comes in. Like, do I really believe this? And if I do, then I have peace. Like you say, I can trust you. And you but if I don't, that's when I'm wrestling and I'm trying, and I want it, and I get mad and I get frustrated, and you know, I want vindicate myself. But when I humble myself, I find peace in that, you know, in his truth.

unknown 47:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 47:54

Or else I'm gonna be wrestling all my life trying to fit in somewhere or find the approval of people that don't really care about me, like he does. So I think that's that's that's where I am, like just accepting, accepting what he's what what he's doing in me and how he's doing it. Because it's not what I thought it was gonna be, you know. I this is not this was not my plan. Right. But if I look back, man, this is 100% the best for me. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 48:36

And so So Adriana, you also uh lead our youth. You kind of you kind of came full circle from leading the youth back in your early 20s, and now I think you've been leading our youth for three, three or four years.

SPEAKER_00 48:54

Yes. Yes, I love it. I was just telling them that yesterday, last night. I was like, man, I love y'all. I'm just I'm cry, I'm glad that I get to. If if you wonder why I am doing that, um it was just a simple thing. I'll return 13. Um, and I started seeing all her little friends or like people around, not just in in her school, but like around us. This um, you know, with the phones and all that stuff, when Derek and I were doing teenagers, that was not one of that was not part of their lives. Technology was not like what it is now. And so just to see how the things, it's just so different. And and I will he, you know, you know, you hear about depression and you hear a 13-year-old depressed, and I'm like, what's going on? Like, you're just a child, you're supposed to, you know, be happy and uh not even think so deep. And so I just started thinking, like, oh Lord, what's going on? What's happening? And I just clearly hear him saying they just don't know me. You know, they just don't know me. And so I know that was uh a call to me that says, you gotta, I gotta tell them who he is. And so that's what I tell them on Wednesday nights. Like, I'm not gonna tell you, I'm not gonna pick a topic, and I'm not gonna talk about um smoking and drinking and all this stuff that you know is wrong. But I'm gonna talk about Jesus and who he is and how much he loves you, and um, I want you to fall in love with him because he's good. Like that is why I'm following him because he's being so good to me, and I want that for you. And so I think they are uh receiving that. I think that's uh I don't know. I to be honest, I don't even know why they come, but they do. And so I trust the Lord with that too. Like I you you're doing this, is this is your thing. And I just love I like I said, I love to see them when I hear them pray, when I hear them talk, and like this truth coming out of their mouth is like, man, that's from you, Lord. Like you are faithful, so keep on going, keep on going.

SPEAKER_02 51:20

And I love the building that they're in. It's a building that um I don't know if the bridge church or the harbor owns it. I think maybe the harbor owns it.

SPEAKER_03 51:28

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 51:29

But uh I guess it used to be, I don't know what it used to be, but you have painted Jesus on the side of it. And if you go down Front Street and win, we call it the Jesus building. Yes, and that's where the youth meet on Wednesday nights.

SPEAKER_00 51:43

Yes, and so I love, I love, love, love, love that it everything is like there is no lines. Like we don't know where the harbor is, we who you know where where's the line on that, or where's the line of this? Um, I think Dustin has done an incredible job making sure those teenagers know they are the church now. Like I think that's one of their goals from the beginning for us to say it's now, not when you grow up. It's it's it's now.

SPEAKER_02 52:15

He does say that a lot, that that you know, we look at kids and teenagers and say they're the church of the future, but he says no, they are the church of right now.

SPEAKER_00 52:23

No. And so I was just telling them, you know, I have some there's some juniors in there, there's some uh older kids, and then there's sixth graders. And so the natural thing is to go like we gotta separate them, we gotta uh, you know, maybe do the girls or boys, or you know, it natural thing to do is is how can we um how can we work this better or like the world gives us ideas and we wanna like follow that. And I just I was just telling one of the teenagers, like this is the church, like this group. Like what you see at the bridge on Sunday morning, so how they greet each other, how they come, and like they welcome each other. Uh that needs to be replicated here. And so can you imagine if we separate the older people and the younger people, and then the woman go over here and men go over here, and like teenagers go to another place, and like we will not grow like we do. Right.

SPEAKER_02 53:26

You know, like just we don't live in the world that way, do we?

SPEAKER_00 53:29

No, no, and so I think that's the beautiful thing about how when when when God is doing it, He makes it work. When we're doing it, it's like it's it's just really hard. It doesn't really work. And so um I just I love that they see the they come Sunday mornings and they see it and they replicate over there. Like it's it's who they are. And so uh I'm just I'm just thankful for for them. I'm just thankful for what he's doing. Uh because we all are growing. I mean, it is so encouraging for us to see teenagers saying, you know what, I'm I'm going in. Because I can look at me and 14 and that's like God was not part of my life at all, not crossing my thoughts. And I, you know, there's kids in there that are like truly, truly have a love for him. And so that's really encouraging. It's great, really encouraging that we have parents that are truly, truly poor in their kids. The gospel.

SPEAKER_02 54:38

Yes. So Adriana, if you were to be able to talk to yourself right now when you were 14 years old, 13 years old, what would you say to yourself?

SPEAKER_00 54:59

Keep on going. You got me there. Oh my god. Yes, keep on going, don't stop. Like you don't know what he has for you.

SPEAKER_01 55:16

It is dark and it is ugly and it is painful, but don't stop.

SPEAKER_02 55:25

That's what I was saying.

SPEAKER_00 55:27

Do you have a favorite Bible verse? Uh which I have my Bible with me. I could pick one. Um it's you can help me. It's John. And is um in this world you have you will have uh trials and tribulations. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. And I was really young when I read that, and it just pierced me. Like I just left all that, you know. Four years I was 18 when I when I remember reading that and like taking it in, like, okay, because I just left that, you know, four years before I was in Mexico, going through that darkness and and knowing yes, yes, there's tribulations, there's trials. But you are kidding. I've overcome it all, and so I'm gonna trust you.

SPEAKER_02 56:29

Thank you for joining us today. New episodes release every Wednesday, so be sure to subscribe and get notified when a new episode is available. You can listen on the Journey to Salvation website, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and wherever you get your podcasts. So, where are you on your journey to salvation?