The Journey to Salvation
Real people sharing the stories of their journey to salvation in Jesus.
The Journey to Salvation
Episode 34 - Michaela McMinn
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Michaela's pre-teen and teenager years were influenced by social media. These influences, as well as the influence from some adults, lead her to be confused about her identity and sexuality. She thought of herself as trans and gay... but that's not the end of her story.
Hello, I'm Becky Dowd, and this is The Journey to Salvation. Join me as we walk alongside real people and hear the unique journeys that led them to faith in Jesus. Today my guest is Michaela McMahon. Hello, Michaela.
SPEAKER_03Hi.
SPEAKER_00How are you doing? Pretty good. Good. Michaela, you and I got to know each other about, we think it's about four years ago.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, about four years now at this point.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I got to know your sister, Adrienne, first, and your sister's actually 24 years older than you. So most people thought that she was your mother, but she's really your older sister. But um Adrian was coming to the bridge church, and uh she started coming to I met her when she came to a baptism of her one of her best friends' daughters got baptized here. And I just met her that day and just said, Hey, where do you go to church? And she's like, I don't go anywhere, I just sit at home on Sunday. And I said, Well, she said, I might as well come up here. I said, Yeah, that'd be great. So she actually started uh going to a Bible study that I had on Monday nights, and so I really got to know her well, and so she one thing in getting to know her is she was talking about you as her sister, and at that time I think you were in maybe like a junior in high school.
SPEAKER_01Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_00Um four years ago.
SPEAKER_01I think I would have been like getting out of my junior year going into my senior, I believe. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I knew it was either your last year or year before last year. So back then she told me you were struggling with your gender identity as well as your sexual orientation. And so she was telling me one day, you know, that y'all were sort of talking about that and y'all were just really having a serious conversation about those things. And and she was like, Well, why don't you just come to Bible study and we'll see what God's Word says about it? Yeah. And so you started coming to our Bible study uh that time until you graduated from high school and moved and went to college. So anyway, so let's back up a little bit and uh just tell me a little bit about your I mean you're not very old now. Are you 22? Yes, I'm 22 now. Okay. So just uh if you'll back up and just give us a little bit of background information of your upbringing.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Um uh well I was born in Forest City, Arkansas. I lived there until I was maybe around five or so. Um I lived with my my mom and my dad, and then we moved to a little town called Carlisle, Arkansas. Lived there until all the way up until I was in, I think maybe second grade is whenever we decided to move back. Um and then that was just kind of where my like whole story fully began, kinda. Um my dad isn't the nicest of people. Um love him to death still, but um he has his problems. He he doesn't quite like whenever people tell tells him what to do. Um and he's one of those people that you would call a narcissist, pretty much. Um now I have heard that he's doing better for himself, so I hope he is. Um but he made it he made it a really big habit to not be nice to my mom. So basically he was he was verbally and physically abusing her pretty much on a daily basis. Um, so I had to grow up seeing that a lot. Um and my mom and him both were on drugs at that point. Um, so they both were in the mindset to raise a child, let alone themselves almost. Um and it was a little bit harder on my mom too, because you know, she had my sister 24 years before she had me. Um so it's a little bit harder, I give it to her, raising a child at the age of like 40 or so, and having to rate them from raise them from scratch, basically. Um because I was born in a whole different time era than my sister was. Right. Um, but she did it. Proud of her. Um but eventually we moved in with my grandma. Me and my mom did.
SPEAKER_00Um is this your dad's mom or your mom's?
SPEAKER_01Yes, my dad's mom. Um, we moved in with her because her and my dad separated for a little bit. Um, he got with my stepmom and um my little brother was born. Um and we it was complicated for a while. Um, my grandmother is Pentecostal, so I was brought up in a Pentecostal church for the first 12 years of my life. Um, and it was it was kind of rough because I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do whenever it came to God and everything. And not much happened between the years of me being in second and fifth grade. I just switched schools practically. Um, all was fine and dandy. And then I got into sixth grade and I had a teacher who um he was church of Christ. He was very influential, I guess you could say, in my life. Um, I switched churches because of him. Um, from being Pentecostal to being church of Christ is a big switch. It is a big switch, belief-wise and everything. Um and then I I went to church there for about oh, I'd say probably about like five years or so. Um because I before coming here, I hadn't been to church in about two years. Um, unless it was to just go for something. Um and then his influence was weird. He was he was not also a good person.
SPEAKER_00Um You're talking about your teacher.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, my sixth grade teacher. Um, he was he was way too close to students in the way he should have been. Um but then I continue on, I go through high school, um, and then I eventually end up here. So um, and I'm glad that I did. But it took me struggling a lot with like drugs and um not being around the best of influences whenever it came to being friends with people. And um, like you have said, I was struggling a lot with my my identity and like who I wanted to be, um, because I had different influences in my life telling me who I should be instead of letting me figure it all out, you know. And eventually I did, but yeah, then I went to college and everything has just been kind of a roller coaster of fun and stress. So yeah.
SPEAKER_00So let's go back a little bit. So, what influences did you have growing up as far as your um gender identity?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um and your sexual orientation.
SPEAKER_01So I grew up in a religious household, so I wasn't really um around any like gay people or like trans people or anything growing up. Um it wasn't until I got into high school where I started, or not even high school, it was around the time I was in sixth grade, whenever I started finding things out and like learning about different things.
SPEAKER_00Um because I remember was that at school or was that maybe social media?
SPEAKER_01Both kinda. Um, it was social media for sure, but around the same time that I started trying to individualize myself is the same time that other people started to. So I had a lot, I had a lot more people to relate to in that kind of sense of things, um, for sure. But it was mostly just like being able to have unrestricted access to my phone allowed me to kind of look at things that I didn't quite need to look at.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01Um, and it allowed me to just kind of place myself into a box that I thought I felt right in, but the entire time I was just very uncomfortable, you know. Um it was kind of like I was self-sabotaging myself almost in a way. Um, but as I got older, I like I kind of knew who I wanted to be. That was in quotations of like who I wanted to be.
SPEAKER_00Um and what was who was that?
SPEAKER_01Um, well, at that point, um, I had convinced myself that I was transgender. Um, I was not going by she, her pronouns at all. Um and I wasn't the nicest of people whenever they were like, who are you? Um and I had fully told people that I was gay, like I wasn't like bisexual or anything. I was I was just strictly gay, um, transgender, the whole nine yards. Um and I it was just kind of slowly cycled into different identities until I got to like right now. Um that didn't last too too long, um mostly because I still had influences from the church telling me things.
SPEAKER_00Um Yeah, I think when I met you, um, like like we said earlier, you were kind of struggling with the gender identity and your sexual orientation. Yeah. Yeah. Um but you also said you had a teacher, uh not that sixth grade teacher, but you had another teacher that really fed into that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um she entered my life around ninth grade. Yes, it would have been ninth grade. Um she was a character for sure. Um she was also one of those teachers that were way too close to her students and what she should have been. Um she kind of brought me in and like earned my mom's trust too, and everything. And what made it worse was it like COVID started not too long after she got there. It was around my tenth grade year that COVID started. So she had only been there around a year. Um, but how my whole influence with her started was I was in class one day and she like came up and was like, Hey, y'all should come hang out with me later tonight. And we were kids. So of course, um, I'm sorry, mom, but you know, I lied to my mom and I was like, hey, I'm going over to so-and-so's house. And but I actually went over to hers. Um, we we smoked weed and everything with this teacher. Um, she's yeah, and then that just kind of sparked up the entirety of our relationship. Um, she was the one for the longest time telling me like how short to cut my hair, how what color to dye my hair. Um, she was feeding me to kind of, I guess, keep me quiet, I guess. Um, and so I eventually gained almost 200 pounds. I was 400 pounds by the time I graduated high school. Um was she influenced influencing you to do that? Oh yeah, yeah. I was I was very head deep into being manipulated by her. Um, it was a lot of well, I won't talk to you if you don't do this kind of stuff going on. Um and there was a lot of like manipulation going on behind the scenes, and drugs had a big part of that too. Um, because it was like if I didn't want to do a certain thing, then um people were gonna find out that she was doing that. And so it was also like she was making me feel bad too. If I wanted to like stop doing something, she'd be like, Well, I'm gonna get caught, and she would make me feel bad to the point where I just I came back. Um, and I'm gonna be honest with you, I didn't stop talking to her until my sophomore year of college. Yeah. Oh wow, yeah, and I'm very proud that I did. I'm very proud that I did. She's still trying to have that influence on you? Um, she did for a while until I had to set a boundary and block her on a lot of stuff, of course. Um, because she she went to school, the same place that I go to school now. Um, so she was still trying to like make it known that her presence was still in my life somehow, some way. Um, but yeah, she probably had to be the biggest influence whenever it came to like my identity after a while, because she really set it stone kinda, because she was like, I go through this too. So you have to be going through this if I feel this way. Yeah, it was it was a whole mess. It's what's the term for it? Um grooming. She was grooming me to be basically her own little restart of herself, right? Almost. Yeah. Did you have a physical relationship with her? No, it was just mostly like a like I was her best friend almost. Um it it was yeah, it was just like I was her best friend, but I was like 15, 16. Yeah, um, yeah, no, it never turned physical or anything, thank God. But um I I do know that I'm not the only student that she has done that with, too.
SPEAKER_00Um, but yeah, yeah. So Michaela, what was your turning point then from moving away from being confused about your identity, your sexuality, uh, your gender identity uh into realizing who you were?
SPEAKER_01Um I definitely have to say that like college helped me a lot. Um, like other than you know, me turning to God finally and everything. Well, tell me about that. Which part?
SPEAKER_00Uh at the point where you you turned your life over to the Lord.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Um, well, as you know, I was baptized here while I was still in high school. Um, I was baptized on Easter, and um that kind of opened up a lot of doors for me because I was still kind of stuck in my ways too after that. Um, but I did realize that after that, that was just gonna be like a okay, I need to get back onto the right road. I might have some speed bumps here and there, but um, maybe some potholes, but I'll still be on the right path. Um, I got into college and I do know that my my freshman and sophomore year were kind of rough um because my freshman year is when the tornado came through when and my house was affected by it. So I had to deal with that. Um few deaths too in my family. So I was very I was really struggling because it was my first time away from home knowing that I wasn't gonna come back in like the next week. Um and so I had to do a lot of things kind of by myself, figure out things by myself. Um I also didn't have that many good great influences when I got to college. I eventually found who I needed to be around, um, which are the people that I'm around now. Um and there was a lot of like me drinking and still doing drugs a little bit. Um and I think what it was around my sophomore year, I just realized that I was kind of tired of trying to live like that. It was way harder to try to live like that than it was to just be who I truly felt like I was. Um now I I still don't like bashing gay people or like anybody in the LGBTQ plus community because a lot of the times you will find that people who are in that community and and in Arkansas even um still go to church and still like have a life with God and everything. So um I just learned that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, too. Um now, like I don't necessarily live in that life anymore, but I still found that um living in Arkansas, a lot of people use the Bible for hate. Um they much they mostly use it to be like a well it says this, so you have to follow it because it says this instead of like a it says this. Um I think that you should allow it to take effect into your life and just be like a a place that you know that is like sitting there. Um and realizing that made me realize within myself that I I don't know how to put it other than like a it felt like I did a whole 180 with my life almost. Um you remember what I looked like before I left for college. I had short hair, I was rocking a comb over that was I think blonde at the time. Yeah, I think it was. And now it's just like I look at pictures for myself from back then and I'm like, I don't even know who that person is anymore.
SPEAKER_00Um yeah, I remember one of the first times Adrian showed me a picture of you. Uh you were in a dress or something. She said, Look at Michaela, she's got a dress on. I know, and it was it was neat to see you.
SPEAKER_01That was also so strange for me. It was it was like dressing up a little baby doll for the first time, being like, oh, but it was just myself.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, but yeah, I I think it was just a lot of trying to figure out what the Bible actually said for myself instead of like what the Bible said for other people, you know? Um because we were having a conversation last night that was kind of about that, about how um just reading a book is just the opinion of another man instead of being the opinion of yourself. And I really agree with that because um you can go to church, and I love Dustin's preaching. He's always really good about not just reading one verse and being like, this is what this means. He's really good about reading around the verses, you know, um, and giving context clues about things. Um it's really good to just know for yourself what the Bible says because it it really is just up to everybody's own interpretation. Um now, like sorry.
SPEAKER_00Well, I was gonna say there's a lot there that doesn't have to be interpreted because it's it just says it. Because it is what it is. You know, it tells it speaks of the truth and we have to take it f as that. We can't think uh we can't adjust it so that it fits our lifestyle.
SPEAKER_01Exactly.
SPEAKER_00And whenever we first met and you and I got together and spoke a little bit, and that's one thing you said, uh you're trying to convince me that the Bible was uh misinterpreted at one time. Yes. Because you were trying to make that fit your lifestyle.
SPEAKER_01And see, I also think that because don't get me wrong, Becky, I still I still believe that just a little bit. Um, but now I don't think I really knew what my full thought was at that point. Um, and after like studying some more for my own, um I have I have realized that in different translations of the Bible, that um a lot of the times that's what they were doing is that they were they were translating the Bible to fit whatever their church was fitting at that certain point in time, you know. Um I don't know how to put that other than like um like a if a certain church wrote a certain version of the Bible, their church was going through something at that time. So they're like, if we say this, they'll get that.
SPEAKER_00Um Are you talking about like the letters of Paul?
SPEAKER_01Basically, like that.
SPEAKER_00Umlations come from the actual uh original text.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um just so it's not confusing on what you were saying there.
SPEAKER_01Thank you. Um but I think now to me, the way that the Bible is is that um I I can read it and I know what it says and everything. Um but I think I'm I think I also mentioned this earlier about how a lot of people interpret the Bible to use it for their own like hatred instead of their own love, basically. Um because that's that's all the Bible is, is just the book of love, basically. Right.
SPEAKER_00God's love to us.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. And um growing up and becoming an actual adult has taught me that. There are a lot of people within a church. I have never met somebody here that is like that really. Um, but there there are some people that use it to feed into whatever hate they have inside of their body. Um and to judge people too, you know. Um and I I think it's a lot of the time it's it's that's what people mostly see, especially whenever it comes to people who are gay and everything. That's what keeps them away from wanting to like find God and everything, is that that's what they've learned for the longest time is that people who like God are not gonna like them because God does not like them, you know.
SPEAKER_00Um but we know God's word says otherwise. He loves everyone and he wants them to come to uh the full knowledge of him, is what his word says.
SPEAKER_01Um but I've also found that a lot of the time, um, too, some people just weren't raised in a church. I have found more people that have not been raised in a church in college than I have in high school or just living, honestly. So they never really got to understand what the Bible is and what it's like and everything. Um, so they only know like what social media has told them about what the Bible says about them. And I'm just I don't know, I'm not that big a fan of a social media. I I have learned to dislike it because of that and how influential it can be on, especially on children's minds nowadays, whenever it comes to stuff like that. Um yeah, it just most of the time people instead of preaching love, they're preaching hate on social media and or the wrong thing, like false prophesizing what the Bible is saying, you know.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01Um, but yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because the thing is we can't change anyone's mind about anything. Oh, yeah, no. You know, it's only the Holy Spirit that can change our hearts. Yeah. And and so that's why we need to do everything in love, because you're right, there are people that call themselves Christian, Christians that are uh being hateful to people instead of loving people, and being hateful to them is never gonna draw them to the Lord.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But love can draw them to the Lord.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. What's that saying? Um hate the sin, love the sinner, that that sticks hardcore into my brain. Um because like even I was having a conversation with my mom yesterday about um whether or not you could be friends with a drug addict. And this conversation, this conversation goes straight into that too, because it's like if as long as you're not doing what that person is doing, um, you can still love them, you can still care for them. And even if you are doing what they are doing, you can still love and care for them and everything. It's just a matter if you have the mindset of knowing that you are stronger than that, but you ha know that you can be strong for them too to help them get to where they need to be.
SPEAKER_00Right. Um you certainly want to wouldn't want to be in that position if you were not uh if you had those weaknesses still that could draw you back into that.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. Um, but yeah, anyways, sorry, back on that. That's okay. Um I do think that a lot of what I've found in being in college is that um a lot of people don't really care to um they're gonna believe what they believe in, but I've also found that a lot of people are more willing to listen and understand and try to be open-minded about what you have to say. Um, because whenever I got into college, a lot of my friends were about the same way that I was. Um, and none of them really had a relationship with God. Um, none of them were going to church or even saying that they went to church and stuff like that. Um, but eventually, like as I got older, more of my like junior uh senior year, um, or what would technically be my junior senior year, um, was whenever I started realizing that my friends were more Christian than what I thought they were after I after I like got through some friends that weren't that good for me and everything. Um a lot of my friends now lean on God in their life more than I actually thought that they did. And that only reason I figured that out was because I started listening to them.
SPEAKER_00Um so did these friends did they have the foundation of growing up in church?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, a lot of them did, but that's also because a lot of my friends are um from Texas or from Arkansas, so it's really hard to find somebody in Texas or Arkansas that did not was that that was not raised in the church, you know.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01Um now some of my friends I do know that like they are just now starting their like path to Christ and everything. Um I'm very proud of them, but it took it took a few years to of convincing, but um it's good to see my friends doing that too.
SPEAKER_00I think I read something and and heard it too on the news that um are you Gen Z? Yeah. Uh Gen Z is turning to Christ now, you know, and I think it's because they grew up in that era of social media and never really saw truth. You know, they saw uh even today you see more fake stuff than you see real stuff. Yes, and they just have a desire to have to know what truth is.
SPEAKER_01Um, and I yeah, I fully believe that. And it's it's also because I don't know, I feel like you know, my generation is the one that's like trying to be different. Just the I've always heard growing up is your generation always just wants to be different, you know. Um and I mean, yeah, but it's also not to be that person, but the whole like you're living in a different time. Like we're closer to flying cars than we were the beginning of a car to anything. Um and so a lot of the time I I personally have found was that um and even whenever I'm at school, sometimes I I live by the the um thought of a church doesn't always have to be just a building with a bunch of people in it with a worship team up on a pulpit and a preacher, you know. Um church can be just you sitting around with four people with your Bibles opening, like open, talking about what's going on inside of there. And I think a lot of Gen Z is finding that out that um you being one with God does not always have to be you going to church every single Sunday. Like you should go to church on Sundays, but um it doesn't necessarily mean that you like have to, you know. Right. Um, your relationship with God is something that is of your own. Um, it's not somebody else's relationship, it's your relationship. It's personal, it's yeah, it's personal. And so however you decide to figure out to follow Christ is how you decide to figure it out. Not uh you went to church and now this person's telling you how to live for Christ.
SPEAKER_00Right. Um, and I think that that's why I mean, I think a lot of churches like this when we do preach and teach God's word. Yeah, you know, but I feel like that um for sure we need to dig into God's word on our own, you know, because it is it is personal, it's not something that we want necessarily fed to us once a week, but it needs to be part of who we are, you know, seeking God every day. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, for sure. It's also like I don't know, I feel like Gen Z too has also started to venture out too on what God means to. Um and I'm glad because I figured out that it's a lot more brighter on this side of things than it is on the other side of things. Um like you still have free will, you can still you can still like have fun. It doesn't mean that you necessarily have to go and do all of the bad things. Um but I don't know. I don't know. Gen Z weird. Like I'm I'm what they call an elder Gen Z now. Um, so I don't know. I'm just I'm glad because it's also gonna influence the next generation very well, too.
SPEAKER_00So what would you say to some kids even your age or even younger that don't have that foundation of I guess a a life inside the church to hear about God's word, but is growing up with social media and sort of like you did, the influences that you had, because more than likely you're not following some of those people are not following things that are pointing them to Jesus, they're following things that point them in the opposite direction. Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um I guess well, hmm. It's a hard hitter. Um the age of social media is changing fast. Um, like it's to the point where sometimes I get on social media and I'm like, how do I even work this? Um and like now you have you have AI and everything. AI is getting bigger and bigger, and eventually it's gonna get to the point to where it does affect Christianity and it does affect like people believing stuff because even way back in the day, people would be on Facebook and like somebody would edit a photo and be like, the the gates of heaven have opened up from the sky. But nowadays you have AI making videos of like a hand coming out of the sky and stuff like that. So a lot of it is just like make sure that you're being your own person outside of social media. Um don't get what to believe whenever it comes to God and the Bible and everything from social media. And that goes for a lot of stuff. Don't like get your news from social media, and it works in the same way as like if you're reading something about what you should believe, because I have found that um being on like the Bible side of things of like TikTok, um, a lot of it it's like people putting a verse down and being like, well, this verse actually meant this, so you should believe this, that kind of stuff. Don't don't fall into that kind of trap. Like, read it, understand what they're saying, but go back and like read it your own self and be like, oh, okay. So I mean, yeah, basically it does say that, but I feel like this is what this is more likely saying than that. Just basically, just don't it's hard not to be influenced by social media. Social media is just like the biggest idol that there is in today's life. Um, and it's it's it's definitely this world's golden calf for sure.
SPEAKER_00Um and that's a bad thing.
SPEAKER_01Oh yes, oh yeah, that's a bad thing.
SPEAKER_00That sounds like a good thing, but yeah, it's not a good thing. Um, you know, just like the lady said last night in our Bible study, she was talking about what you said earlier, you know, that um reading reading books, even though there might be Christian or godly books, you know, you're also you're also you're getting influenced by someone's interpretation of things. And you know, and she was saying that I may not have that foundation that I need in God's word to know if what they're saying is right or wrong. And so I truly believe, and that's what I talk about a lot of times to people, is you've got to know God's word because the thing is somebody's gonna mix something that's right, uh, truth uh with something that is a lie. And it all sounds like, oh, it's gotta be true because this is right, this part's right, I know this is right. And that's what you know the apostle Paul talked about in a lot of his letters to the churches, uh, because there were false prophets around them. And that's what Satan does. You know, what that's what he did to Eve in the garden. He gave her a little bit of truth of what God said, along with something that wasn't true, and she fell for it. You know, it's it's we're easy, we can easily fall into those things, and that's why we have to have that biblical foundation on God's word.
SPEAKER_01And it's it's like finding a loophole almost in things too. It's like, oh, it says this, but it doesn't say this, so that means that I must be able to do it, you know. Um, and I feel like that's that's a lot of what people do today too, even in like in the whole um bringing this up kinda again, the whole like man shall not lie with man, that stuff. Um a lot of the time people bring up the whole um, well, the Bible also says that you shouldn't cut your hair or you shouldn't do this. Um while it does say all of that, it it's like that if you read context clues, a lot of the time they were addressing a certain group of people.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_01Um and so like people will always use the Bible to interpret what they want, you know, um depending on how they feel at that very moment.
SPEAKER_00It's kind of a buffet religion. You pick and choose what you like and leave out what you don't like, and yep, exactly. And you feel like you're you're okay.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00But we have to take God's word as the truth and and not misinterpret it in ways that try to fit into what we want our lifestyle to be.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_00And I'm so glad that you came away from that and are trusting in the Lord now and decided to follow him more closely.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And like I said, I I don't like using the Bible to tell somebody that they're gonna, you know, go to hell or anything. Being being raised in the church that I did, the Pentecostal church, um, it was a lot of fire and brimstone of like if you don't live this way, then you are gonna go to hell and you're gonna forever be in eternal damnation and stuff like that. And um I don't know, being able to figure out how I wanted to live for Christ instead of how other people wanted me to live for Christ has done me a lot of good. Um because I'll I'll tell this story too. Um I cause I think I've told it to you two before. Um, whenever I was about 11 or 12, um, I was still struggling with my sexuality a lot. That was like the very beginning of things, and it wasn't it wasn't no secret to my family at all. Um, I wasn't trying to keep it a secret all too much, but um I was still I was like in the days of transitioning from Pentecostal to Church of Christ. Um and I have a I had a cousin who came, I won't mention names or anything, um, who came over to my grandmother's house and um we sat there and talked for a little bit, but he eventually convinced me, a child, to do what I would I like to put as like his own little form of an exorcism almost.
SPEAKER_00How old was his cousin?
SPEAKER_01Oh, he was older, mid-twenties at this point. He was already married with a child on the way. I guess smoke alarm, I guess. Yeah. Um, but he was already married and like child on the way and everything. Um but he convinced me to do like this own homemade version of an exorcism almost, um, to get the demons of homosexuality. And uh if I remember correctly, there were like 36 demons inside of my body. Um did he tell you this? Yep. He told me he was like, There's there's about 36 demons inside of your body right now, being homosexuality, and it was like biting my nails and biting the inside of my cheek. And um, I listened to Nirvana at that point in my life, and so like all of that was a demon. Um, and he pulled me into my grandmother's room, and I was young because he did ask me for permission first, but you said you were 11. I was about 11 or 12 around that time, and so I still was very a part of me wanted to live the lifestyle that I was gonna live, um, but a part of me still didn't at the same time. Um, so it was a lot of like the way I I would put it was like how you would imagine exorcisms happening, or like how you see it in the movies and stuff like that. Just a little bit more toned down. I was still sitting there being yelled at with Bible verses being thrown in my face. Um, I got hit every once in a while with the Bible on my back. And um, it was just to the point to where um I was like throwing up from having panic attacks during that. And that influenced me a lot, and that really took down my um belief in Christ and everything because I was like, if if I just went through that and that was supposed to be in the name of the Lord, does the Lord even like me that much, you know?
SPEAKER_00Um and what do you know about that now? That that is is that what God says to do?
SPEAKER_01Oh no, oh no, that definitely was just um he saw himself as basically a miracle worker. Um, he thought that he could perform miracles, which if you know, I don't know anybody else that could do that other than Christ himself. Um that I I fully don't believe that that was God at work at all. I really do believe that that was the devil trying to influence me some more.
SPEAKER_00Right. Um And we know that because God's word, that doesn't that is not his character. That is not there's not anything in God's word that condones any of that. Not at all. Um and I do remember you telling me not long after we met about that, yeah, that story, and and it's still because you were still, you were what probably 17 then. And so you had it was really pretty recent within the last four four years since when that happened.
SPEAKER_01It it had been at least five or so years since then, um which it felt like a lifetime. It still does, it still feels like it just didn't even happen. Um because I mean I'm proud of where I am now, but it still it still really affects how I think sometimes whenever it comes to God. Um because I don't know, it it's not something that somebody should have had to go through either. Um but I am glad that it has led me to to where I'm at too. Because it even even though it really dampened my relationship with God, it also strengthened it after a little bit of time of healing from it.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_01Um and so now I just use it as a testimony to tell to people Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.
SPEAKER_00You can use that because other people probably have experienced similar things or other things. Yeah, and so you haven't lived through that and and being on the other side of that now, you can say that was not of the Lord. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, which I don't know, hopefully nobody has gone through stuff like that. Um but I do know that it still happens. It still happens in a lot of churches nowadays, still too. Um, and I'm not like bashing the Pentecostal church or anything. They do have some nice beliefs every once in a while. Um but growing up in that church, it It really taught me that um a lot of the people there weren't living for God. It was basically living inside of a a televangelist church, basically, is what it felt like to me.
SPEAKER_00Um just all show.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um I have heard great things about them now, so hopefully they are doing great and they are actually living for God and not just living for money and um living because people say that they're a good church because they have this and they have that and have that instead of a this is a good church because they actually teach the word, you know. Um yeah.
SPEAKER_00So Michaela, uh got a question. What do you so you're in school to be a band no choir director? Choir director. It was band director. Yes. Now it's choir. Yes. And so you hope to maybe work at a school.
SPEAKER_01Um, so my big goal is um even when it I was going for band, um I want to teach in a high school for a little bit, um, get some foundation, put underneath my feet. Um, but my my bigger goal is I want to eventually get a master's and a doctorate and work inside of a college. But that's I feel like most of those people are easier to reach than high schoolers are, you know. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So Mikeli, do you have a favorite Bible verse?
SPEAKER_01Um actually, let me see. Hold on, give me just one second.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01Um, I do actually. Um I guess it's not really much of a verse than it is um just an entire chapter. But one of the I I love Psalms. Psalms is just my favorite book of the Bible. Um there's a couple, yeah. So um Psalms 69 through 71. Um so it starts out with save me, oh God, for the waters are um come into my soul. So basically it's just him like drowning. And um, um, it's David, and he he's kind of not having a fun time, you know. Um, but basically 69 through 71 is him just basically finding his way back to like God and everything. Um, and I've I've loved those verses for forever. I even like when I was going to the Church of Christ church, I remember sitting down and reading them. Um, I'm not too good at remembering stuff, but I have so much going on through my head. Um, but I remember sitting down and reading those those chapters and being like, wow, okay, so that it's fine. Everything is gonna be just perfectly fine.
SPEAKER_00Because that probably is sort of how you felt.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00You sort of made your way back to the Lord.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah. Um, and it definitely did feel like I was drowning for a little bit too. So to read something that kind of related to my life in that type of way felt like I had purpose or like I had a goal to get to, you know.
SPEAKER_00Thank you for joining us today. New episodes release every Wednesday, so be sure to subscribe and get notified when a new episode is available. You can listen on the Journey to Salvation website, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and wherever you get your podcasts. So, where are you on your journey to salvation?
