Episode 39 - Hannah Shipp

When Hannah was a teenager, she lost her mom to cancer.  Rather than becoming bitter and resentful, she trusted the Lord through her high school years and beyond not knowing how God would use her in the future.  God used the loss she experienced when her mom died to take on children that have also endured loss.  Only 33 years old, she has fostered over 30 children.

Transcript

Becki 0:10

Hello, I'm Becki Dowd, and this is The Journey to Salvation. Join me as we walk alongside real people and hear the unique journeys that led them to faith in Jesus. Today my guest is Hannah Schip. Hello, Hannah. Hello. How are you doing? I'm doing well. Good. Thank you for coming in today on your day off. Right? Uh is this your day off?

Speaker 1 0:32

No, we don't really get Fridays off, but it's usually not as crazy, yeah.

Becki 0:37

Okay. Good. Um, so Hannah, I don't know you real well. I see you every Sunday as you come through the door carrying different kids. And uh then you shared your story a little bit uh Sunday morning a few weeks ago. And so I just was really interested in hearing more about your story. So can you just give us some information about your upbringing and growing up?

Speaker 1 0:59

Sure. Um, so I'm actually not from Arkansas.

Becki 1:02

Oh no.

Speaker 1 1:03

Yeah, I grew up and was raised in North Carolina. So I'm from a small town in North Carolina, it's near Boone, North Carolina. So I grew up in the mountains and um What a different time.

Becki 1:15

Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 1:17

Yes, I definitely I like it here, but I for sure miss the mountains and all that the outdoor stuff that that brings. But um I had a good upbringing. I was raised in church. I have an older brother and then my two parents. Um, I was raised different than what I am now in a way. I was raised um fundamental independent Baptist, so we were very um not strict, but you know, like we grew I grew up wearing skirts and going to church, I was homeschooled for a little bit. Um but overall a good childhood. I accepted Christ as my savior when I was nine. So I knew him early on, and that was a huge part of my life. And um, like I said, I was homeschooled for a bit, and then I really loved sports growing up, like all sports. And in North Carolina, where I was from, you couldn't play sports and play for the public school and be homeschooled. So um around, I think it was around seventh grade, I went to public school and um because I wanted to play sports. And so in high school, my freshman year, my mom got diagnosed with cancer, and that was a huge um life-altering thing, I guess you could say, just because it meant a lot. It was um a lot going on and chaotic at times, and but my parents honestly kind of shielded me and my brother from it.

Becki 2:52

Um because that's a hard age to get that kind of thing.

Speaker 1 2:56

Yeah, for sure. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So she did treatments um and had surgery and was in remission. So my I guess she battled with it for about a year, and then they said that she was cancer free. Um, and then my brother is older than me, so he was also he went to college in North Carolina. So he moved away and went to college, so it was just me home. And then my um dad decided he was gonna go work for he was a contractor my whole life and decided he was gonna go work for Samaritan's Purse. I don't know if you've heard of that, but yeah, they're the people that do like Operation Christmas Child. So he decided he was gonna go to Haiti. So he ended up leaving and was gone for a year to Haiti. Oh wow. Yeah. Um, which was also a change in our family dynamic because then it was just me and my mom at home. But um looking back, that was a change, but it was God's mercy, um, truly, because it was just me and my mom for that year, and we got super close. Not that I wasn't close to her in childhood, but that dynamic just changes. You know, you depend on each other, and um, it's just you, so your relationship changes. Um so um then after I guess about six months, she was diagnosed with cancer again. Um, and it was more aggressive. And so she did treatments for not very long, honestly. I think she did one round of treatment, and then it was she went to the hospital and then passed away. So my dad came back from Haiti and she was super sick, and my brother came home from college and she was super sick, and it was quick. Like, again, that's another one of God's mercies. Like, it was super quick from getting diagnosed again to when she passed away. So um then the dynamic changed again, I guess you could say, because she was gone and I was um finishing up high school, and um I actually ended up changing high school my senior year um because I was big into sports and big into basketball. And um so I changed high schools and and then it was just me and my dad at home. And he was, I mean, we all were, but he was definitely grieving and hurting and um um so that was a big change and I kind of just did my own thing in a way. Um kind of just survived the end of my high school and sports helped a lot and um obviously we're still very involved in church, so people in church came and kind of put me under their wing and helped me along because he was my dad was like I said, he was grieving, you know, so he wasn't s he was but wasn't super present, um, obviously for his own reasons and uh it's understandable, you know. Um so I had a basketball scholarship to play um in Tennessee at a school, at a small school, and then I decided I didn't want to be that close to home, and so I had another scholarship to go play basketball in Florida. So I graduated high school and moved to Florida. Um and it was a Christian school, a small Christian school.

Becki 6:19

Part of Florida was it?

Speaker 1 6:21

Pensacola, yeah. So I went from the mountains to the beach, which was a cool change, honestly. And um I grew up like we traveled, but I never like thought that I would make a huge move. Um, but I think I was just ready for my own thing, and um there wasn't really anything back home anymore because my brother wasn't there and obviously my mom was passed away, so I was kind of ready for a big change. So went to college in Florida and really enjoyed that. Loved playing basketball, made a lot of friends, um, had a great experience. Um honestly, I think basketball was a huge um not a distraction, I guess you could say, but almost like a coping mechanism. Like I could really just pour all my energy into it and focus on being the best I could be in a certain area and and kind of drive all my emotions towards that, I guess. Um and then my I don't know if it was my junior or senior of college, I read a book. Um it's called Kisses from Katie, and it's Katie Davis Major's um story where she was, I think she was 19. I haven't read it in a minute, but um she was 19 and moved to Uganda, Africa, started an orphanage there at Sumazuma. I don't know if I said that right, but uh ministries, and that just really impacted me. Like I didn't grow up around foster care or um we were very I knew missionaries, but um that just wasn't a huge part of my world was orphans and and things like that. Um I grew in a small, small community that was close knit and everyone there um it was like generations, you know. So really even if there was a kid that came into care or had troubles, you wouldn't know about it because a grandma would just step in or something like that. So again, it wasn't a part, but I read that story and I really thought that I would become a missionary, then I would move to Africa and um my degree was in criminal justice and I wanted to work with human trafficking victims. Like that was what I wanted to do, and I didn't really know what exactly that would look like, but knew that um again, I thought I would just move abroad and be a missionary. So um, so I graduated college and um didn't really know what I wanted to do for my next step. Um I had applied with uh an agency, the International Justice Mission, thought maybe that would lead me in the direction I kind of wanted to go, um, but didn't really want to go back home. Um, and so literally was weeks away from graduating with no plan of what knew I would have to move out of the dorms, but had no idea where to go.

Becki 9:21

And that's probably not uncommon for a college student. No, uh no, I wasn't no idea what my next one. Right.

Speaker 1 9:27

Like now I look at it, I'm like, oh my word, I probably should have been more concerned, but I really wasn't. But um so I had a friend who uh was had graduated a year before me. So she was already working as a teacher in Forest City, Arkansas, and at a small Christian school there. And um I could had obviously kept in touch with her, and she's like, hey, if you want to, like you can come here and coach and teach. Um my minor was history. So she's like, You can come here and teach history, coach, basketball, maybe volleyball, um, to just kind of get your feet wet and figure out what you want to do, see if you hear something from the International Justice Mission, and um, and she said you can room with me so we could split all the bills, which is for sure a plus for a college student coming out. So um, so I was like, Yeah, sure, let's do it. And um, so anyway, so I got that job, and so the year after college came to Four City, taught for a year, coached um volleyball, basketball, and I enjoyed that, but I knew that wasn't what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Um, and so again, I was kind of in that spot again of like, okay, I don't want to move back home. Um, I don't want to continue to stay here doing something that I don't feel like I'm supposed to do. And obviously through all this, I was talking to God about it and praying about it. Um, but I think and I I don't mean to jump back to where high school, but I think my relationship with the Lord grew through all the changes, um especially in that year, year and a half span of just loss after loss, it felt like, and um just having to depend on the Lord. I remember driving the route to my high school was about an hour and I would just pray and and that bit just became a sweet time with the Lord, like just honestly pouring it all out because I couldn't really talk to my dad about it. Again, um my dad was a great dad, but I didn't want to put more on him when he's going through his own grief. Um and so really I guess God during that time really became a father and a friend. And so um, and then my relationship kind of shifted as I kind of then started relying on my own self because things were going well and I was doing well in sports and and whatever. So anyway, so now I'm trying to figure out okay, what's next after teaching for a year and going back like okay, I need to go back to that dependency on God. Like I kind of shifted away from it a little bit, um, and didn't have that mentality of like I have nothing else but you, God. Um, I wasn't really there. But then at the next step I was like, okay, I've gotta rely on you again. Um and that shift of like, no, I d I don't need to be taking this seesaw approach where it's like I'm really all in for him and relying on him when things are unsteady, but then when things are on my own strength, I don't. Like it was kind of that realization at that point that I really gotta focus my relationship on him and relying on him and giving it over to him again. Um, so that was a cool summer. Um, so obviously I was teaching, so we had the summer off and wasn't really sure. So I did go back home um for that summer and was just trying to pray and figure out what I was gonna do. And um that same friend, her name's Sarah, but that same friend that I roomed with that taught in Fort City with me, she um was gonna move to Florida, back to Pensacola, Florida, to get her teaching license. Um there were some things that she needed to be able to teach in a public school versus a trish Christian school. And so she was like, hey, I have a friend that I taught with in Four City. She moved to Florida a couple years ago. Um, she said I could come stay with her while I get my teaching's license, and I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you come to. Had no idea really who this person was and was like, well, okay, whatever. That sounds good to me. I'm trying to still figure things out. And it up ended up being Jamie Tecito. And so um me and my roommate, Sarah, crashed with her, and at that time she only had Max and Polly. So I'm walking in to their home one night, like I literally packed up everything I owned and put it in my little Toyota Corolla and drove from North Carolina to Florida, which is about a 14-hour trip. Oh wow to stay with someone I'd never met before, just off the word of my college friend. So um didn't know, didn't have a job lined up, like had really had no idea what the next step was gonna be, but just knew like, okay, I'm just gonna trust God with it. Um and had no idea how that one move, those 14-hour drive would drastically change my life.

Becki 14:32

But um so And what better person than Jamie to be on the other end of the house?

Speaker 1 14:37

Oh, 100%. Like it's crazy. So um I ended up we stayed with her, I don't remember how long it was, maybe like two months. Um, and then that time I'm obviously looking for a job and interviewing, and like I'm trying to just get a job at that point. Like I'm um had some savings, but it was like I've gotta have income. And so I applied everywhere. Like, seriously, I applied at grocery stores, fast food restaurants. Was like, I just need something, and and I could not get a job. Like everyone's like, you're just too experienced. And I'm like, I'm really not. Like I do have a college education, but I it doesn't matter, I just need a job. And everyone's like, no, like you're too experienced. And I was like, what is that? Like, what is that answer? But um it was cool because then I applied for a job. Um, it was with um healthy families, um, and it is basically it's social work and it's uh they run a program, it's nationwide, and they work with mothers, it's expecting mothers up to mothers with children at the age of five who are at risk to abuse and neglect their children. So it's home visits, and you go in and really try to help them um build a bond with their child to help prevent um abuse or neglect.

Becki 15:57

And and it Oh, that's a neat program.

Speaker 1 16:00

Yeah, it's so cool. Like honestly, it taught me so much. And um, so there's like risk factors, so they sign up for this program and it's free to them. And um they it's like a score and sheet, so they score things like their income, their family history, their drug use, it'd be like things that would put them at risk. Um, and so I got a job with them, which was crazy because it paid well. It was right up the alley of kind of where I wanted to go. Um, and so it was really cool for those uh couple months. It wasn't a couple months, but maybe three weeks that I was really kind of sweating it. Like, man, I can't get a job anywhere. And I remember there was one night, I don't know if she even remembers or not, but um at Jamie's house where I'm just sitting in my room, like really like, okay, do I pack up everything and just go back home? Because nothing seems to be working here. And I remember praying, and uh Jamie walked in and was like, Hey, I just want you to know, like, you're fine here, like however long it takes, you're fine. Yeah, and that was just super like I didn't know her. I'm invading her space, she doesn't know me. And um, but then I ended up getting that job, which is was a huge thing for me. Like, I met great people, it was an awesome experience. Um, we went in some of the worst neighborhoods in Pensacola. Like, I remember some neighborhoods going in and they had just had a shooting, and like things would be on lockdown, and um I had ladies, mothers be like, I'm walking you to your car, like you're not. Um, I had a few incidents that were quite scary, but it taught me so much. And then that whole time, like just thanking God for providing for me, like um that even in the uncertainty, like he was making a way, even in the uncertainty in the times where I was like, Man, why can't I get a job? Like, it can't be this hard. He was making a way, you know, like to be exactly what I needed and wanted and what would help me in my future.

Becki 18:06

Yeah.

Speaker 1 18:06

Um, so I did that. Uh I worked for healthy families um as a family service worker for a while, and then I actually ended up becoming a supervisor. Um, and did that for I want to say it was three years. I'm really not good at time frames, obviously. I probably should have looked that up before I came, but I think I was there for about three years. Um, and again, just a super great experience. And um, so in that time I got to know, know Jamie better. Like me and Sarah, my my roommate, would babysit for Max and Polly and hang out with them, and then she decided she was gonna foster. And we were kind of me and Sarah were just kind of like, okay, like we had really no frame of reference for that. So she ended up taking um on Ray and Drew. And so me and Sarah were kind of her um what we call now like foster family support, but it didn't have a name back then. We were just two fresh, new starting life. Um, and she would feed us, and so we offered a babysit, and it just kind of worked out that way. And um again didn't really understand at that time what uh what she would be in my life personally, but God did. And um, so uh she kept taking on kids and and we would be apart and I just felt God moving in my life, like, okay, is this something that is gonna be in my future? I wasn't really in a position to take it on at that point in my life, but even going back to that um that book, Kisses from Katie, and how she took on orphans, I was like, okay, is this that where that spark in me was kind of lit? Is this the realm you want me to take? And um I remember one night driving actually back from Jamie's house. I'm sure we went over there to eat or something, and there's this really long bridge. I think it's like a mile-long bridge or or longer, and praying to God about it. And um was like, I felt God leading me to be like, you've gotta get to know this woman. Like I kind of had walls up. Um, I mean, she was we hung out with her and babysit, but I didn't really go deep with Jamie at all. Um, she wasn't really my mentor discipling me so much. Like she was pouring into us and was trying, but I had walls up, like she can tell you that. Um and I felt God saying, like, you've gotta get to know this woman, like this is your chance. Take it or leave it, but this is your chance. And so um after that night, I really did. I was like, okay, I'm gonna put down some walls and let her really speak into my life. And um then um what year was that? What uh the year before 2020 hit, so the year before the world broke. But um my roommate Sarah had decided that she was gonna change careers and become a flight attendant. No one here knows Sarah, but if you knew her, that's totally her personality. She's very um on the move, doesn't take anything seriously, super fun, one of the funnest people you can be around, honestly. So that was right up her alley. So I was like, okay, now what? Like again, another, okay, now what? Um, but I could honestly see how God was had worked in my life, uh like my whole life, but definitely just even the time that I'd been in Florida just providing and in the uncertainty, like um it was a lot easier to trust. Like it wasn't that I was just like, Oh, everything's gonna be fine, but I knew like, yes, I I've gotta figure this out and gotta trust the Lord through it, but he Continues to just make a way and provide, and he'll do that in this situation. So I was kind of like, okay, what I do, I don't know that I can really afford our apartment that we had um by myself because we're splitting all the bills. And I could have, but I was like, I don't really want to. It's a two-bedroom apartment anyways. I don't really need that. What I what am I thinking? And at that time, um, Jamie had six kids um that she was fostering. So um Did that include her too? Yes. Uh-huh. Yeah. Six total. Yeah. So I guess she had six kids not fostering Max and Polly, obviously. But um, and I think she had already adopted Randrew. But anyways, there were six children in her house, and she's obviously doing it alone. And I was over there a lot because I really just kind of went all in and was like really wanting her to disciple me and and pour into me. And so I obviously was talking to her about what my next step was, and she said, Hey, I don't know how you feel about it, but what if you just move in here and you can, you know, you're here a lot anyways, and um, you know, we can try to do this for a while together while I have all these kids. Like I think it would be a big help to me, and it sounds like you need help too, and and I'll feed you. And I was like, Yeah, okay, that sounds great. Um, and then everything kind of went crazy with 2020. So we're literally in the home the whole time because at that time you really couldn't even go out anywhere. So um we got bunk beds and put them in her room, and it was like being in college again with your best friend. It was super fun. And um, so I did that for about a year. I think I lived with her for about a year, maybe not quite a year. Um, and I mean it was fun, like I it was just fun. Um, and then Jamie decided, hey, I think what's best for my kids and my family is to move. This was still kind of when COVID was still a little uncertain. Um, and she was a teacher at that time, and you know, things had changed drastically for teachers too. Like they're doing things virtual um and not in the classroom. So things are a little uncertain. And she was like, I think what's gonna be best for my family is to move closer to my family, um, back to Arkansas, because I don't really know what's next. My kids need family. Um, we've just taken on adopted Ray and Drew, and they need family that they can call their own. And so here I am again, like, okay, what's what does that mean for me? Like, um, and again praying, and I felt like um I I really honestly it was hard because it felt like I was about to lose a mom again. Um, and because she really did take on that figure in my life, like she became a mother to me, and so it's like it um brought up a lot that I didn't know was there. And so I was like, oh man, do I stay here alone? Because I really hadn't built it was hard. It was kind of hard to build community there. Uh we were I was plugged into a church, Jane was plugged into a church, but um the churches were really big. Um, so it was hard to build a community, and I was, you know, trying small groups and just not really making a huge connection. Like there was a lot of people my age, but they just weren't really, I don't mean this in how it's probably gonna sound, but they just weren't like me. Like I just I really couldn't find any a community in the 2020, no one was building community. Um, so I was like, okay, if she leaves, I'm really alone. Like my Sarah's gone, um, she'll be gone, and so I'll be here alone starting from scratch, and that doesn't feel good. Like I've done that before, and it's not a fun feeling. And so she's like, Well, what do you think about just coming with us? Like, my we love you, you're like my daughter, my family loves you. Like, what do you think about just starting over in in Arkansas with family? And I was like, Yeah, that sounds great. So um moved here, um, was applying for jobs here, got a job with DHS working um for DCFS. So I ended up being a caseworker and going in and removing kids and doing all that and bought a house here. Um, and then um obviously Jamie continued to foster when she moved here and got a she got a job with connected um foster care. And so again, I'm praying like, okay, what is I do feel like I'm engulfed in foster care, but not actually fostering. So what does that mean for me? Like, am I supposed to just be a support, which I'm fine with, or am I supposed to do more? So um DHS has a rule that you cannot foster kids and work for DHS because it's conflict of interest, and they're right, it is a conflict of interest. So um I was kind of like, okay, I'm I'm kind of stuck right now because I'm working for DHS. Um, I didn't really enjoy that job. It was a great experience for me. I think it's helped me a lot in the role that I am professionally today. Um, but it's hard. Like, hats off to anyone that's ever worked for DHS in the department. It's a hard job. You're out at all hours of the night, no one's ever happy with you. Like, it's just a hard job. It's heavy.

Becki 27:32

Just taking kids out of their homes.

Speaker 1 27:33

Yes, it's a it's a heavy job. And so I wasn't super happy in that. Um, but didn't really know what was next. And then I ended up getting a job. And again, praying through all this, like I know I keep kind of skipping that part, but um actively asking God, what what's next for me? Like, you've led you've led my steps and ordered my steps at this point. I please continue to do that. Um and so I ended up getting a job with uh at that time they were called Mid Mid South, but it's Arissa Health now, um, as a QBHP. And worked in the what is that? It's a qualified behavioral health professional. Um, so you work kind of alongside a therapist and um I work with children. I actually worked in the school system, um, and you kind of take like go along with a child's case plan that's in therapy and just kind of add extra support, helping them build coping skills and managing their behaviors as much as you can. Um, so I did that and and that opened it up that okay, now I can become an open foster home because I'm no longer working for the state. Um, I own my own house or had my own house and um it was a uh three-bedroom house, big house, and was like, okay, I think like it's time for me to take that step. So I ended up opening my home as a foster home. Um and um I ended up taking on four children right off the bat, pretty much. Um they siblings? No, it was two siblings set. So it was two girls and then two boys. Um and I mean kind of the rest is history, but that kind of opened my foster care journey and um have been doing that for a long time and just seeing how God's worked that in my life greatly. I I don't have those children, but I've had probably over 30 kids come in and out of my home. Um, I ended up adopting my daughter, um, Sybil. Her name's everybody knows her as SJ, but her actual name is Sybil. Um, ended up adopting her, and um God has just greatly used that in my life. Like it's really shaped who I am today. And um again, it kind of goes back like in college that spark was there, and I never knew. I thought it would look way different than what it looks today. But even going back to my degree and working with human trafficking victims, I I now so going from a Arissa ended up getting a job with connected um foster care, which is where I'm still currently employed. Um, but we have kids all the time who are at risk or have been trafficked. Like it just looks different. It's not your normal um what you see on TV where there's a van full of pe starving people and they're just you know, it can look like that. But um honestly kids in foster care are one of the most vulnerable populations to be trafficked because they're vulnerable.

Becki 30:39

There's no one that's really there for them.

Speaker 1 30:42

Yeah, there's no one that's checking up on them or making sure they're okay. They're they're being trafficked in one way or another. So even that, like I wanted to work with human trafficking victims, and I do. It just may not have that label, you know what I mean? Um, but so I'm professionally in foster care and working in foster care and then personally um an open home. And currently I have four children. Um, and like I said, I've had over 30 come and go, and that's just been it's been crazy. Like it's been cool to see all the different kids and their dynamics and them getting to reunify with either their parents or a relative or um even some go to pre-adopt, and I've seen God again, it look like similar to my life. Like, I don't know what's next. Like they I I don't know, it's kind of scary, and he just makes a way, like that when there seems to be no way, he makes a way. And um I've had to learn to trust him when it doesn't look like he's working or it looks like he's kind of forsaken in a way. Like I never really felt that in my childhood, even with my mom passing, and I didn't it was more um I can almost explain it, like yes, people pass away, like people die. That's just life, and it's sad and it's natural, yeah. But you can ex almost it logically explain it, right? And um, but some of the hurt that I've seen in the children that I've loved and that has quote unquote been rescued from that by getting out of that situation, being pro in foster care, but then it seems like they go right back into it, or their situation gets worse. Um, that was something that I hadn't had to um be confronted with yet in my life. Um God, it was always someone who came through, you know, like in my life. It was hard, but he'd always come through. Like he's he always provided a way or someone he always provided. Like even in the loss of my mom, it was hard, but he provided for that. Like truly, Jamie is my mother, and he provided that role in my life. But for these children, I'm like, okay, God, why are you providing for them? Like, how are you merciful to them? Um, and I really struggled with that a lot. And it there was one case I had, and it was a hard case, and then it ended up the outcome was not what I thought it would be or wanted it to be. Um, and I really did probably have a crisis of faith, if I'm being honest. Like I was like, I don't know that I want to serve a God who allows children to suffer and for allows not even that he allowed and we know he there is suffering, but allows children to be quote unquote rescued from suffering and see a better way and then be put right back in suffering or in worse. And um I really did. I was like, I don't know. I don't know that I believe in this God, I don't know that I want to serve this God and sacrifice for this God. Um and I really had to wrestle through that. Like, I can't even tell you that I really got um like an answer, I guess. It was more just like okay, but God doesn't promise that we don't suffer. He doesn't promise that we'll even be safe, he doesn't promise that. He promises his presence. And either I um and I say that all the time, like I say that to my kids, I say that to parents that I work with, is he doesn't promise security, he promises his presence, and there's security in that. And so either I trust and believe that his presence is enough, or I don't. Like, and I remember, again, I don't know if she remembers this or not, but I remember riding in the car with Jamie when all this was kind of going on, and I was just I was angry. Like I remember weeping and kind of pouring my heart out, like, I don't know that I wanna, I don't know that I believe God. Like I don't know that I trust him. And I remember her saying, like, okay, Hannah, like, then don't. But you have to decide, like you, it's time now. Like, you've wrestled through this and you either choose to trust him or you don't. Like, you either choose that you believe God or you or you don't. And I was kind of not happy with her saying that either, because that's the hard truth about it, but it really is that, like, I have to sit there and I have to decide, is he enough? Even if um, and it's easy, you know, we say that sometimes, like, um, if I didn't, if God never did anything else for me but was just God, that'd be enough. Well, that's great to say until you're kind of looking at it, you know, like if these kids' lives are horrible for the rest of their life, but he's with them in the horrible, in the suffering, is that truly enough? Like, is that truly enough? Um, and I had to decide that. And I I do believe that. Like, I do believe that there is power and mercy in pres in his presence, in his presence, and he can offer he can offer comfort, and he can provide a way. I don't know these children, the ones I'm kind of referring to, I have no idea where they're at. Um, I don't know that their life is awesome right now, but I don't know what God has in store for them. I also don't know that he wasn't protecting my family, you know. Like I don't know if they would have stayed. Maybe that would have been really bad for my children and my family in my future. I don't know that. And so I have to trust that he knows better. And even if they continue to suffer, he will be with them. And I believe that or I don't.

Becki 37:12

Well, and we can only see what's going on right now. We don't know what the future is. And he does, you know, and so we just have to trust him in that, knowing that he's gonna be there, even though it may not look good right away. You know, he's he's there and he and he is good. There's just evil in the world, and there are people that are evil in the world that are gonna do harm to children, but uh, but hopefully those children are in a better place right now.

Speaker 1 37:43

Yeah. And I do trust like I do trust that he is more than just uh present and suffering. Like I do believe that he spares us from suffering and that he is merciful, and I do believe that he'll be that for those children. I do. But if I never get to see that and I don't get the promise of things like that turning out, um, is that enough for me? And and I do believe that it is.

Becki 38:06

Like I do believe that well, because you've got an emotional connection to them because they've been in your house and you cared for them. Yeah, for sure. And so they're almost like your children and giving them getting giving them back or giving them away.

Speaker 1 38:18

Mm-hmm.

Becki 38:19

Yeah. Yeah. So um 'cause I think with connected, um, for one thing, y'all prepare families to be foster families, right?

Speaker 1 38:28

Yes, we do.

Becki 38:28

But also you try to get the biological families or the kids back with their biological families.

Speaker 1 38:35

Yeah, reunification is always the goal. So um you always hope for that. And and obviously I've had a bunch of kids been doing this um, let's see, probably almost four years, and I've only adopted one child. So a lot of everyone but one has gone home or gone to a relative, which is awesome. Like I celebrate that and support that a hundred percent. So yes, that's always the goal.

Becki 39:04

So one thing you said um in church when you were sharing your story a little bit, you said whenever you decided to foster that uh you didn't have a mother, and these child children didn't have a mother, so you wanted to kind of fill that spot for them. Is that right? Is that what you said or how you said it? Yeah, I've gotten it all wrong.

Speaker 1 39:24

No, that's yeah, you're right. I said um I think God asked someone who had experienced loss as a child to take on children who'd also experienced loss. Yeah.

unknown 39:35

Yeah. Yeah.

Becki 39:36

It sounds a lot better when you say that.

Speaker 1 39:38

Yeah. And it's cool, like, even I mean, even that that part of my story, like, yes, I I'm taking on children who have lost their mother, whether that's even just temporary. I mean, that's the hope is that there's just a time period that they can't be with their mother. Um, but even I can say, like, hey, even if your story ends and you never get to go back with your mother, foster care or adoption, or even going to a relative, I've seen that in my life where God has provided someone to fit that role. Like, even if it's not your biological mother, for whatever the circumstances that you can't have continue that relationship. Um, He's provided that for me and I can believe and trust that He'll provide that for you too. In some way, whatever that looks like, like that can like I said, that can be adoption or it can just be a figure in your life, you know, like someone can literally just come along and and fill that role.

Becki 40:40

Right.

unknown 40:40

Yeah.

Speaker 1 40:41

Yeah.

Becki 40:43

So how is it to I just can't imagine how it is to uh have these children at your house and all of a sudden you have a new child come in. How do you make that uh easy for them? Because I know a lot of your kids that you get are probably under five, right?

unknown 40:59

Yeah.

Becki 41:00

I mean you've had some babies, but those probably are a little bit easier at adapting, but yeah, um, yeah, I've I've I've kind of been stuck in the like um around four and five year olds for a while.

Speaker 1 41:13

I did have a teenager for a while and have had older kids like um school age nine, ten before too. But um it's funny you ask that because I actually just got a new placement and I feel like it helps that I don't have biological children. Um so the children that I've been in from my home for a while understand kind of what's happening or are used to children coming in and out. Um, but you do kind of have to override your whole household um because everyone has specific needs and then the dynamic changes. So your routines are changing. Um and I just I I just try to be super present with each child as much as I can. Like even this child that just came in, um, I can see it. Uh some people probably can attest to Sunday, last Sunday. Um whoever was sitting around us, and I think I even had to take SJ out of church. Um, but she was super emotional just because there's a lot of change, you know, like so I just try to be as present as I can, especially for that first couple months, really just trying to help them all adjust. Like obviously, the new child, it's a huge adjustment for them. Like everything is brand new, but even for the children who are in your home and have been in your home, it's still an adjustment because now my attention isn't as um wasn't where it was because now I have a new child and then the dynamic changes, like even something as small as where they sit in the car and have sat in the car for the past year may have to change, you know. And so just trying to be present and and patient and understanding, like, okay, we may all be off for a couple months, and there may be some emotions, but that's okay. Like that's again, I guess it kind of goes back to how God is for us, and we may not be able to change and make everything better, but you can be present, and is the presence enough. So I just really try to be present.

unknown 43:16

Right.

Becki 43:16

So what are the ages? SJ is what?

Speaker 1 43:19

Uh four.

Becki 43:21

And what are the ages of your other kids in your house?

Speaker 1 43:23

Um, I have a almost one-year-old who'll be one at the end of this month, and then an almost three-year-old that will be the three at the end of this month, and then a five. So I have five, four, almost three, almost one. Oh wow. Yeah. It's wild and crazy.

Becki 43:38

But it's fun. But you're smiling. Yeah. So it's good.

Speaker 1 43:42

Better laugh than cry, yes. Just kidding. No, I love it. It's fun.

Becki 43:45

Yeah. No, you seem very I mean, I would be frantic, but you seem very calm and you know, just walking in like, you know, it's normal.

Speaker 1 43:55

Yeah, you definitely have to have a system. We have a I don't know if you've ever walked in church with me, but I'm pretty much on repeat, like, hold your hand, hold your hand, hold your hand. Everybody has a handhold.

Becki 44:06

Yeah.

Speaker 1 44:06

Or it gets crazy, but yeah. Yeah. Um, Hannah, is there anything else you want to share with us? I don't think so. I mean, I don't know. I would just say to trust the Lord and um He really will direct your direct your path and and guide your thoughts and rely on him. Like it may look messy and uncertain, but He will be present and He will provide.

Becki 44:35

Yeah, and just look at all the ways He prepared you for what you're doing today. Not really what you look to do back when you were in Florida and uh you were just looking for any job, but uh even at a grocery store you couldn't get a job there. Yeah. Because he had a different job for you that wasn't there yet.

Speaker 1 44:53

Yeah, I it's it's a it's kinda like what you read in the Old Testament where they'd go and um like build an altar of rocks to look back on. I really feel like I like there's that in my life. Like I can look back and really see how God has prepared and worked in my life in in areas to prepare me for the calling that I have now. And you know, it may change in five to ten years, I don't know, but um I'm really grateful for how he has been consistent and and um present in my life.

Becki 45:29

So do you have a favorite Bible verse?

Speaker 1 45:32

Um I don't know that I have a favorite one. I I definitely go back to the one in Psalms that's um I don't want to misquote quote it, but it's uh basically like um he's near to the brokenhearted and and binds up the crushed in spirit. Like I think about that one a lot, and and I see a lot of people who are crushed in spirit and have a broken heart and just believe in and trust in that he'll do that for them.

Becki 46:04

Thank you for joining us today. New episodes release every Wednesday, so be sure to subscribe and get notified when a new episode is available. You can listen on the Journey to Salvation website, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and wherever you get your podcasts. So, where are you on your journey to salvation?