Episode 43 - Sarah May Flowers

After spending her teenage years in rebellion, Sarah decided she wanted to know God so she started following the "rules" in the Bible.  Do this... don't do this... but she could never get it just right. Eventually she learned she didn't have to follow the rules, she just needed to follow Jesus.   

Transcript

Becki 0:10

Hello, I'm Becki Dowd, and this is The Journey to Salvation. Join me as we walk alongside real people and hear the unique journeys that led them to faith in Jesus. Today my guest is Sarah May Flowers. Hey Sarah. Hello. So May is your maiden name. That's right. Yes. We didn't want people to think your name was Sarah May.

unknown 0:31

That's right.

Becki 0:32

That's right. I bet you were called that a lot. Yes, that's both names. That's it.

Speaker 0:37

Yep, Sarah Mae. No one ever called me Sarah. It was always Sarah Mae. They thought it was my middle name, and I just went with it. It was easier. Yeah.

Becki 0:46

So Sarah, you shared a little bit Sunday, uh, part of your story in church, and that kind of is what prompted me to get you to tell your full story here because I think there's so many things that you said that will uh reach someone or help someone or encourage someone. And so can you just uh start at the beginning? Tell us how it was growing up for you, yes, and where you grew up.

Speaker 1:10

Yes. So I was born in Forrest City, that's where I'm from. Um I grew up there. I had uh good parents. Um my dad always told me who Jesus was. Um, you know, he always instilled in me the golden rule, which is, you know, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Um, so definitely my foundation of Jesus started back then. Um, but I wasn't saved until I was 19. Um, so my parents divorced when I was seven. Um, and it it it really wasn't a great divorce. Um uh my dad he had his struggles. Um my mom, she had her struggles. Um, but overall, they were good to me. They loved me and um did everything they could, you know, to support me. So I I am so thankful for the parents that I have. Um my mom remarried um to to Lance. His name was Lance, and um Lance and I did not get along. I was a big daddy's girl, a big daddy's girl. And so um when Lance came into our life, it was really difficult for me. Um but he he didn't do anything wrong. I mean, he just tried to love me and discipline me, and and my mom wanted him to discipline me, you know. Um, but I did not like that. So like just immediately, um it was I was very, you know, disrespectful, disruptive. Um, I just was a wild child from the get-go. Um, I think uh and I do think it had a lot to do with my parents divorced, um, just going back and forth and um because that was a hard age, seven years old too. Yes, it was. It was a very hard age. And like I said, I was switching weekends, and that was hard too. Um, but I didn't really have a church background. After they divorced, we um stopped going to church. I mean, I would visit with my aunt, um, and I did like all the VBSs during the summer. I can't tell you how many times I got saved at VBS. Um but sorry, I'm trying to go as chronological as I can. Um so uh fast forward as I'm growing up, me and my stepdad Lance, we still just never, we never meshed well. We um we had our moments, but overall, it was it really wasn't a great relationship. But nothing on him, it was all on me. Um, so we built a house in Wynne, and I don't remember what year that was, but I started high school in Wynn in ninth grade. Um and I was a wild child. Um I had this boyfriend, Lord, that my parents did not approve of. And um I mean, and I was young, I was like 14, so but um I was a wild child. I was very disrespectful to my parents. Um, I did not have any respect for authority. Um and I just wanted it my way or the highway, and that was that was it. Um, and that's basically how I lived all through my high school years, um, from 14 to 18, I think was probably the worst of it. Um my mom can probably agree with that. Um but somewhere during that time um I met a friend, she's my best friend now, um, and her dad was a preacher. And I started visiting her church with her. Um but I mean, even in the beginning when I was doing this, it was like party all night, then wake up and go to church on Sunday. Like it was a very hypocritical lifestyle. Um just because I didn't I didn't understand, you know, I didn't even know that I was being a hypocrite. I didn't even know that word, you know, like the foundation of who Jesus was, I knew, but like I didn't really know if that makes sense. Um until I reached a point in my life where I needed something. I needed something different. I couldn't do it anymore like that. Um, I didn't want to be that person. Um so I had been going to church and this little Pentecostal church in Palestine, and um, it was such a blessing to me. Those people there, they just took me in like I was their own. Um and basically there I feel like I feel like the Lord led me there to teach me a foundation, um like the rules, if that makes sense.

Becki 6:51

Um do this, don't do this.

Speaker 6:54

Yes, exactly, like the do's and don'ts of how to be a Christian. Um and that was I needed that, and it was it was a hard, it was hard for me to accept. Um, but I tried to do it in a way that was my own, like without without the Lord. Um I can't remember if I think that I think this was I can't remember if my salvation came before or after this huge life event. Um, but I had a I had a best friend and um a lot of people that listen will probably remember who she who she was, but her name was Lindsay, and um she was in a car accident um and she did not survive that car accident. I was supposed to be with her that night. Um, so that was that was a huge like mercy and a huge wake-up call um to me like you've got to get your life together, you know, because at any given moment it could be over. Um and so like I said, I cannot remember if that came right before or right after my salvation, but it was like within the month. Um and I just remember like going up to the altar and and it was just me and God. I mean, it was nobody helped me, like it was just me and God, and it was raw and it was real, and I just cried out to him, and he saved me right there. I mean, I vividly remember him just being like, You're mine now. Um, and that changed, that changed a lot for me. Um, but like I like I previously mentioned, I was trying to do it on my own. I was just trying to follow the rules. I had never been a rule follower, so it was like I wanted to pat myself on the back and be like, you did this. Like, you know, I wanted to give myself the credit um for just trying to do it all. Um obviously that was not I was not able to do that. I can't do it by myself, none of us can. Um, so I failed and I failed and I failed and again and kind of went back to my own ways, like drinking and doing things I shouldn't have been doing. Um and I don't know, fast forward several years. I mean, I would fail, but then I would try again and just try again, but I was still constantly trying to do it on my own.

Becki 9:45

Um just to follow those rules.

Speaker 9:48

Just to follow the rules, yeah. That's all I wanted to do. Cause like I had like I said, I'd never been a rule follower and always a rule breaker, you know, never listening to anybody just doing things my way. And um, and finally I felt like I was doing what he wanted me to do, but I was still trying to control it, um, which is just not, it's unfathomable. I mean, you just can't. Um, so fast forward several years, um, I started going to Wynne Baptist and Dustin was my Sunday school teacher. And we were going over something um, I don't remember exactly what, but I can remember him like on the whiteboard just breaking down the word legalism, which I had never heard before. Um, and then I figured out that that's it was like an aha moment. That is when I realized like I was just following a set of rules, which I mean, you know, he gives us those rules to follow, but through his guidance and his spirit, like we need the Holy Spirit to be able to do those things. And even with his spirit, you know, we're still gonna fail. I mean, because it's just him who gets us through. But when he was going over all of that, I was just like, man, this is literally how I've been living for the last several years. High no wonder I couldn't do it. Um, and so even though that place that I was was a huge blessing and like taught me all the ground rules I needed, the foundation that I needed, um it it really wasn't it wasn't what he wanted me to see. So he finally revealed that to me. Um and that was when I think I was like twenty one or so. Um maybe twenty-two, I'm not sure. Anyway, um so my relationship with God changed then, um, but it was still just like a journey that I was going on. Um and then fast forward to 2018, that's when I met my husband. And um when we uh got together, it was we were both in a bad place. Um even though like I had you know started my relationship with the Lord back when I was 19 or so, um, it was it was just not we were both in a bad place. But in 2019, Dustin planted the bridge. And we decided, like, okay, if we're gonna do this, if we're gonna like be in a relationship with each other like and we love each other, like we need a foundation, and our foundation needs to be the Lord. So we thought, okay, this is a great, like, fresh start. So we started attending the bridge. So we've been here since the very beginning. Um, and the bridge has been a great, a great thing for us for our relationship with each other, for our relationship with Jesus. Um, and in 2021, we got married in September of 2021. Um, and then this is kind of where the biggest part of my testimony begins. Um so the week after we got married, my stepdad, who I told you about previously, that we didn't get along, our relationship had drastically changed. And I know I've left a huge gap, um, but drastically changed. We became very close. Um, once I realized that all he wanted to do my whole life was love me and um help me, you know, be the best version of myself. Um so we found out the week after we were married that my stepdad had stage four esophageal cancer. Um that was absolutely devastating. Um and we just kind of put our life on pause, like everything just revolved around my stepdad, and we were glad for that. I mean, we wouldn't had it any other way. Um, and uh immediately he started um like radiation treatments um and had surgery to remove it, and we thought there for a minute, like, oh, he's cancer free, you know, this is great. Um, but unfortunately that was not the case. It had gone undetected in his bones. Um, and so at that point we knew that it was gonna end up being terminal. Um, all the while um my husband and I were trying to conceive, and we were due to expect our first child, and um in January of 2022, we had a miscarriage. That was our first miscarriage, um, and it really was devastating. Like you hear that the first year of marriage is the hardest, and I mean, if it wasn't that those are some seriously true words. Like, I didn't even think we were gonna make it. I mean, if I'm just being honest, and he would probably tell you the same thing, but one night we just like we didn't know how to handle that type of devastation and that type of loss together. Um, we didn't know how to handle it separately, and we certainly didn't know how to handle it together. Um, but one night we just we sat down and we just told each other, you know, how we felt, and and it we brought the Lord into it, and it was um only by his grace that we were able to overcome that. Um, and then that was in January, so let's see, February, March, April. So in April, um my brother had a hunting accident where he was shot, and um all I remember is being at work and my husband calling me, which he doesn't talk very much. So when he called me, I was like, what is going on? So first thing in the morning, and he's just like Brian has been shot. And I'll say Brian, everybody knows my brother. Brian has been shot. I don't have any details, and if anybody knows me, they know that my brother is my absolute best friend. We're 10 years and one day apart, and I mean, he has been the one steady male figure in my life since I can remember. Um, very, very close. So I was just like, oh my goodness, I've got to get to him. So I left that time. I was working in West Memphis, so and I had just gotten to work. Um, just gotten my patient out of her wheelchair and onto the floor. And so I was like, come on, girl, we gotta get back up. So put her back in there and raced back to Four City and picked up my husband, and we headed straight to Little Rock. We didn't have any information. Um within uh a couple of hours we were there and um he was stable, so that was good to know. But um he they tried to repair his leg where he'd been shot, um, and actually a couple of weeks later was sent home. Well, the incision came open and he started to bleed out at home and like in front of his kids, like and luckily, well, not luckily, but by the grace of God, his hairdresser was there shaving him all up because he had just gotten home from the hospital. And um he just I mean, he saved his life, and um he ended up losing his leg. So uh that was an adjustment, you know, for all of us, but mainly for him. But I say this if it was gonna happen to anybody, he was he was the one because his outlook on life has not changed, he is still a go-getter, like um it has not slowed him down at all. Um but all of that during that time I was pregnant with our second pregnancy. And um, I don't know, I don't know, it was it was just God's plan. I don't know if it was the stress or or just what it was, but we ended up having another miscarriage. Um, and that miscarriage happened um the weekend before Mother's Day. And uh this was in 2022, and Mother's Day fell on May 15th that year. And um, that was obviously a very hard day for me and Cody. So um we were at church that morning, it was a Sunday, and Dustin was preaching, and he said the words People always say God won't give you more than you can handle, but he absolutely will give you more than you can handle because you were never meant to handle it. And um those words changed my life. Like it changed my outlook on everything because forever I've always been one that wanted to control. Um and when I finally just like let go and let him control it, I had so much peace, so much peace. Um, so immediately after that day, I or that sermon, I went to the altar and I just cried and I gave it to him. I gave him everything. I mean, I had I gave him my stepdad's cancer, I gave him my brother's accident, I gave him our miscarriages, and also during that time my biological dad had a heart attack and had been diagnosed with two different forms of cancer. I mean, like, there was so much trauma and tragedy going on at that time. Um, I just like I just couldn't handle it anymore. And I was so happy to hear those words because I was tired of carrying it. I was tired of trying to handle it myself. And so when I gave it to God that day, I did not pick it back up. And I had so much peace. And um that was like I said, a week after my second miscarriage. Um, and then I found out, I don't know, a few weeks later that I was expecting again. And um, I went to my first doctor's appointment, and the doctor said, Well, it looks like you conceived around May 15th. And I know that that lady thought I was crazy because I swear, Miss Becky. I just raised my hands and I started praising God because there was no way that that was even possible. Like that was all God. That was all God. I know that lady thought I was crazy. Um, but I just looking back on it now, I'm just like, I can't believe what he does for us when we don't deserve it. And like if we'll just let go and let him control like he's meant to, it's it just what he can do is just immeasurable. I mean, it really is. Um, so I was able to tell my stepdad that we were expecting, and he was he was so excited about it. Um and his middle name was Alan. So even before I was pregnant with Drake, um, you know, I don't know if you ever did this, but we will, you know, sometimes put baby names, you know, in our phone, like, oh, we hear that, we like it. So I did that. Um, and we were going over it one day, me and my stepdad, I don't really know why. But uh he said, Well, I think if you ever have a boy, you should name him Drake Allen. And I was like, Man, I don't hate that, you know. And um, so anyway, fast forward, now we have Drake Allen, and um, he carries my stepdad's name, and that's really special to me. Um, and my stepdad, he he did end up passing away on June 30th. So tomorrow it will be four years. Um, and we miss him every day. But one of the mercies in that was um he was kind of a tough man. If anybody knew Lance, he was they would say that he was a tough man. He was one of those guys who had like a tough outer shell that you really had to hammer away at to get to the soft side. Um, but it was in there. Um and so when he was sick, you know, we we got to talk a lot about his salvation and we got to talk about Jesus. And um now I know exactly where he is, and I know that he is there and he's rejoicing. And um so that's that brings me joy to know that. Um we'll get to see him again one day.

Becki 24:38

Hey Sarah, can you kind of talk about, you know, you were talking about before you were just kind of trying to follow all the rules and uh do all those things that you all the do's and don'ts of supposedly religion. I've got that in quotations, but can you kind of explain how that is different than now your walk with the Lord and your relationship with the Lord?

Speaker 25:03

Yes. Um like I previously mentioned, um, I feel like I needed that foundation of the do's and the don'ts because I really didn't I really didn't have that growing up. Um so I definitely feel like that was necessary. But um once I fully surrendered all the tragedy and the loss that was surrounding me in that time of my life, um, I felt just like an immense peace. Um and then I realized it's not just the big things that he wants you to surrender, it's the small things like you're broken down on the side of the road, like Lord, only you can fix this. Um, I mean, he wants every part of us, he wants the good, the bad, and the ugly. Um, he wants the small and he wants the big. And I feel like once you surrender fully to him and understand and grasp that, that nothing is too small or too big for him, that it it just completely changes your walk with him. Um, so I mean, you know, every day I wake up, or it might be lunchtime before I remember to pray, if I'm being honest. I mean, I'm not the perfect Christian whatsoever. There is no such thing.

Becki 26:39

But well, we need to say, too, that you have a baby other than Drake. You have a baby, Audrey.

Speaker 26:45

Yes, I do have Audrey.

Becki 26:47

And how old is Audrey?

Speaker 26:48

Audrey is uh 11 weeks old.

Becki 26:52

Okay. Yes. So you're quite busy right now.

Speaker 26:55

I am, I'm very busy, I'm very busy. Um, her name is Audrey Ellen, so she is named after my mother um who I could not live without. She's got my kids right now, so thankful for Nana. Um, but yes, I am. I'm very busy, I'm very busy, but I want to be truthful and transparent, though. Like right now I seem to be walking in um not really heavy, but anxious, an anxious time of my life. Like I'm just very anxious. Um, and I don't I don't really understand it. I know that there's a reason for it. Um and I mean I've just got to be honest, you know, like I'm not I'm not in the word as much as I should be. Um and I th I'm sure that that has something to do with it. It's just it's just really it's really a lot right now. It is. Um navigating um two children now instead of one, and and what that looks like is uh taking some attention off of Drake and now having to share it with his little sister Audrey has been a hard transition on him, but also been a hard transition on myself and and dad. Um and I just I don't know. I'm I'm just in a season. I'm in a season, I'm in a different season. Um, but I know that the Lord's gonna get me through it for sure. Um, he always does, he always, always comes through and shows up and shows out. So um there's that. So I know even though it's a weird season and I feel all of this anxiety, um, because of my relationship with Jesus, I'm able to just give it to him every morning. And I may not feel it that day, but I'll look back and I'll be like, man, I felt it. Um I feel his peace, I do, um, through every season and I know that he'll continue to walk me through it.

Becki 29:22

And that's kind of what we spoke about right before we started. You know, we have times in our life that we feel like we've we're not walking closely with him and that we left him behind, but we've never left him behind. He's always right there. Yeah, even in those times that we feel like uh that we don't deserve him to be there with us, that we're not we're distracted with everything else. But he's always right there waiting on us.

Speaker 29:50

Yeah. Yes, um, even when we aren't walking with him, he is always walking with us, always, always. Um, and I know that that's a huge mercy. We've been talking a lot about mercies um at church and and I just see it every day.

Becki 30:12

How is your life different now that you now that you did surrender your life to him? I know that's been years ago compared to your life before you surrendered to him.

Speaker 30:26

Well, before I surrender surrendered to him, I wanted everything my way. Everything my way. Um and now I want everything his way. Like I just look at the person that I used to be. And first of all, I can't believe I ever was that person. Um, and I know that there are people out there that would feel the same way if they would just surrender their life. Um, you know, he can do if he can do it with me, he can do it with anybody. He can change anybody's life. Um and my life now is every decision that I make is based off of WWJ D. What would Jesus do? You know, or how would Jesus handle this situation? Um because I want to be like him. And more so, I want my kids to be like him. My kids are everything to me. He has blessed me so much and given me the most wonderful husband and the most wonderful kids. And my job now is to parent them as he would have me to do so. Um, to raise tiny disciples, just like he's raised a disciple in me. He wants me to do that for my children, and so that's my main goal. I mean, is is just to love Jesus and love my children like he would. Um that's really hard at times. But I mean, that's what I wake up in the morning and ask him is I thank him, Lord. Thank you for your mercy of today. Thank you for waking me up. Me and Drake, we say, we say our prayers, me and Drake and Cody. And now, Audrey, we say our prayers every night, and and it just to give him that foundation, this is what it is. Dear Lord, thank you for this day. Thank you for our family. Protect those that are sick, no, protect those that are lost and heal those that are sick. Forgive us of our sins, and we love you. Amen. And that's what Drake says every night. Um and I feel like that covers a multitude of things. You know, just giving him that foundation and he loves it. He loves it, and that's that means more to me because I didn't grow up that way. And so that's that's my goal is to raise them like I wasn't. I don't know.

Becki 33:23

It's just and you sit on the front seat of the church every week. I do.

Speaker 33:29

I do, I do. I am um I am a front row churchgoer for sure. And it's so funny because like I'll invite people to church and I'll be like, but listen, I sit on the front row. So you can you can either sit on the front row or or you can just come and you know, we'll find you somewhere else to sit. But um, they're all like, what? Um I do. I but I was like that in school. Like once I this is gonna throw us back some, but like in high school, I did not apply myself. Like I didn't, I didn't school was the last thing on my mind. Um I went to school to socialize. Um, but when I got in college, which I was like 24 when I started college, I was all in. And I am, I'm one of those people. I'm either all or nothing. Um, and so like I even sat in the front row, like I had to. I was in the the front desk right in front of the teacher, like always, because I'm too I'm too ADD. Like no distractions, no distractions. No, I can't, I cannot have distractions or I won't get it. Yes, and I I need to get it. Um it's a little bit more difficult now because Drake is making the transition from nursery to out in the big church with mom and daddy. Um, so it's hard for me to take notes like I was before, but um super thankful for Cody because he wrangles all the kids while I sit over there and write my notebook.

Becki 35:02

So And one thing about you, Sarah, too, is you're so good about I know when people go to the front to pray, you're so good about being there with those, especially the ladies, uh being there praying with them, whatever they're praying for. And you do that there, but also you're very good about reaching out to others as you see them in struggles or hurting or in need of something. Hey, do you have a favorite Bible verse or one that you really lean into?

Speaker 35:32

I do. My favorite Bible verse is Proverbs 3:6. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will keep your path straight. Um, and that has been that way since I was saved, just because I remember a time when I didn't follow him and I didn't acknowledge him, and my path was all but straight. And um now I may fail, but I fell forward. And I know that he is leading me in a straight path, and I know where where I'm headed.

Becki 36:12

Thank you for joining us today. New episodes release every Wednesday, so be sure to subscribe and get notified when a new episode is available. You can listen on the Journey to Salvation website, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and wherever you get your podcasts. So, where are you on your journey to salvation?